Yu-Gi-Oh! Berserker (Chapter 9 is up)

[clmberserker245]

This is my first fan-fic, so if you don't like it don't get too angry and start insulting me. Also, this fan-fic will be realistic, thus it won't have any riding duels or evil villains that try to reach their goal by playing a children's card game. If you like fan-fic types as the ones stated above, then you aren't in the right place. This fan-fic is about the journey of a boy to become a champion duelist and he WILL encounter rivals along his way, but not bloodthirsty villains that play a children's card game. So, since you are still here enjoy reading !


[spoiler=Preview]
It was that dream again. It had been a week since Kyle had that dream for the first time. It represented a battle where Kyle was the general of an army. But there were several strange things about that dream. Firstly, Kyle's army had medieval elite warriors from various countries. These warriors were the Varangian Guards*, Mongol Cavalrymen, Hun Cavalrymen, Vikings, Norman Swordsmen, Crusader Infantrymen, Men-At-Arms, Gallowglasses**, Byzantine Infantry, Stradiots***, Franciska Heerbans**** and many other warriors witch he didn't remember. He knew all the warrior types because he was very good at military history and he wanted to become a historian. But the strangest thing for Kyle was that the enemy he and "his warriors" faced weren't other warriors, actually they were monstrous creatures, that strangely enough, Kyle had a feeling he had seen them before. But, still Kyle wanted to know what that dream meant. He had read somewhere that dreams many times showed a codified vision of the future, and that a vision of the future was only an accurate analysis of the past. He wanted an answer ASAP, he didn't knew how soon he would get it.

*- The Varangian Guard was the elite guard of Constantinople (today known as Instanbul) during the Early Middle Ages. They were basically distant descendants of the vikings witch had emigrated in the Eastern Balkans. Rather then being recruited and trained as normal soldiers, they were hired as mercenaries, but eventually they became assimilated by the Byzantines and their fighting style was copied by local soldiers of the Byzantine Empire. They were heavy infantry armed with a battle-axe and an oval shield, they were armoured with chainmail and sometimes with scale armour.

**- Gallowglasses were Scottish warriors mainly hired as mercenaries by the Irish medieval armies. They were medium infantry armed with the famous two-handed Scottish sword, the claymore and armoured with chainmail. They were among the elite warriors of the Irish armies during the middle ages.

***- Stradiots were light cavalry originating in Albania during the 14th-15 centuries. They were famous for their ferocity in battle. They were used for the first time by the Albanian prince Skanderbeg during the Albanian resistance to the Ottoman Invasion. After the Albanian resistance ended they were used as mercenaries by the Western European nations. Stradiots were armed with spears, maces and a small round shield and armoured with chainmail.

****-Franciska Heerbans were Frankish heavy infantry used by Charlemagne during his reign. They were armoured with chainmail and armed with the famous throwing axe, the franciska, a one handed sword and a wooden round shield.



I'm sorry if the preview looked like a history lesson. I'll update the first chapter in 2-3 days. Hope you enjoyed!
[/spoiler]


[spoiler=Chapter 1 : Ron and James]


In Domino City*, 15 December 2012, everybody was preparing for a great event, an event Kyle knew nothing off. He woke up at 8:00 AM, and the first thing he thought in the morning was to talk to his brother, James, about his dream. Kyle went to the bathroom, did what he had to do there and got in the dining room to have breakfast. James was there, eating. He noticed Kyle and said: “Hello, little brother, slept well last night?” “To be honest, no, I didn’t. I’ve had a dream, the same dream for a week now every night.” Then Kyle described the dream to his brother. James laughed: “You sure you haven’t played too many strategy war games lately?” Kyle got angry and started yelling: “LOOK THIS MIGHT BE FUNNY FOR YOU, BUT IT’S STARTING TO FREAK ME OUT. I KNOW THAT IT ISN’T A NIGHTMARE, BUT HAVING THE SAME DREAM SEVEN TIMES IN A ROW IT’S NOT NORMAL!” James became serious. He looked at Kyle directly in the eye. “Okay, - James replied, I’m sorry”. Kyle calmed down. He took a deep breath and rolled his green eyes. “How is mum?” – Kyle asked. “She’s better, she’s sleeping now” – James replied. Their mother was ill and she wasn’t at work. James and Kyle’s parents were both biology teachers in “Domino High School” and although it was Saturday, their father, Peter was at his second work witch was giving some students extra classes in biology.

James had to meet Ron that morning in the cafeteria next to his house.
“Hi, Ron, why did you want to meet me?”- asked James.

“Well, have you checked Facebook this morning?” – said Ron.

“No, why are you asking?” - James asked

“Because I shared in Facebook the news about a Duel Monsters tournament that will be organized by the Industrial Illusions** in our city. And the winner of the tournament will “create” up to 25 cards that will become official by the Industrial Illusions. They will be given to the winner and they will be one of their kinds.”-Ron replied with enthusiasm.

“Why are you so enthusiast? - James asked – didn’t you hate Duel Monsters?”

“Well, I’ve started to play lately and it’s really fun. Do you mind having a practice duel with me? I’m still not so good at it.” – said Ron.

“Okay - James replied as he took his deck out of his pocket – but with 4000 life points because I don’t have much time.”

The two friends started playing. “[i]I wonder what kind of deck he might be using[/i]” – James thought as he was drawing his cards. He used a Skill Drain deck, but he had never seen Ron dueling before so he didn’t have any idea what Ron had up to his sleeve. Then he looked at his hand. “[i]Not such a good start but it will do[/i]” – James thought. He started his turn by summoning Goblin’s Attacking Force (2300/0) in attack position and by putting Trap Hole face-down. He ended his turn. Then Ron drew a card. He smiled. “[i]Quite a nice hand[/i]” – he thought. “I’ll start by placing a face-down monster and a face down card. That’s it for now.”
James drew his card and he summoned Goblin’s Elite Attacking Force(2200/1500). “I attack your monster with my Goblin’s Elite Attacking Force”- he said. Ron revealed his card. It was Sangan(1000/600). Ron activated his effect and took a card from his deck and placed it to his hand. He showed it to James. It was the Right Leg of the Forbidden One.

To be continued…


*- Although i said that this fan-fic would be realistic I decided that the characters live in Domino City, but in this fan-fic Domino City is a city in the American Western Coast a few kilometers north of Los Angeles.

**- Industrial Illusions is the replacement for Konami in this fan-fic.

[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Chapter 2 - Bitter Rivalry]

Chapter 2 – Bitter rivalry
Duel continued form Chapter 1
James’ side of the field: Goblins Attack Force (2300/0) Attack Position, Goblins Elite Attack Force (2200/1500) Attack Position, Trap Hole Face-down
Hand: 4 cards
LP: 4000
Ron’s side of the field: 1 card face-down
Hand: 4 cards
LP: 4000
------------------
James got a little surprised, as he had never seen a beginner use an Exodia deck.

“An Exodia deck, huh – he said – anyway I’ll continue by attacking you directly with my Goblin’s Attacking Force (2300/0)” Ron’s life points were reduced from 4000 to 1700.

“After my goblins have attacked they switch in defense position and with that I end my turn”- James said. It was Ron’s turn. “[i]Right now I got three pieces of Exodia; two legs and the right arm[/i]” he thought as he drew. After he looks at the card he had just drawn he thought “[i]Perfect, the left arm[/i].” Then he activated his facedown card, witch was “Jar of Greed”. He drew his other card, Magical Mallet.

“I activate Magical Mallet – said Ron witch allows me to send any number of cards from my hand to my deck, shuffle it and draw the same number of cards”.
He sent one card from the hand to the deck, shuffled it and drew again. The card Ron drew was now “Swords of Revealing Light”. Ron activated it and started talking:

“My card’s effect is that…” then James interrupted Ron: “I know what it does; now I can’t attack for 3 turns”. Ron ended his turn. James drew a card. “[i]Crap[/i] – he thought – [i]I don’t need Chainsaw Insect right now, especially not against an Exodia deck.[/i]”

“I summon Insect Knight (1900/1500) in Attack position and I end my turn.” Ron drew a card afterwards. “[i]I’m vey lucky today[/i] – he thought as he was looking at the card he drew –[i] just a few more turns and I win.[/i]”

“I set 1 card – he said – and I end my turn.” James drew his card and smiled a bit.

“Finally, I’ll set 1 card face down”- he said.

“Let me guess, that was Skill Drain, right?” – asked Ron with an ironic tone.

“Wow, you’re starting to use your brain.” – said James sarcastically. Ron stared for a bit at James then he asked: “Will you end your turn, or what?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I end my turn”- he replied with an irritated voice. Ron drew his card and thought: “Wow, victory came quicker than I had calculated.”

“I set another card, and I will end my turn.” James got even more irritated. “[i]He keeps stalling, that sneaky bastard[/i] – he thought –[i] but I’ll teach him how a duel is really won.[/i]” James drew his card. The first thing he did was changing the position of his goblins, and then he activated Skill Drain, witch negates the effects of all monsters on the field with the cost of 1000 life points (James’ LP=3000).

“And now my friend, I’ll activate the card that will destroy you, Mystical Space Typhoon, and use it to destroy your Swords of Revealing Light.”- James said happily. Then he attacked Ron directly with Insect Knight to win the duel. But Ron had his counter attack.

“I activate Call of the Haunted to revive my Sangan(1000/600). Then I activate Torrential Tribute since a monster was summoned, and with it I can destroy all monsters on the field. And now since Sangan was destroyed, I can activate his effect to take Exodia’s head into my hand and win the duel since I got all the five pieces on my hand.” – Ron said enthusiastically.

“What the f**k?! I just lost to a beginner!” – said James desperately. Ron smiled and told James not to worry. Then he asked James to participate in the tournament. James replied with a “Yes” and the two friends headed home.

[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Chapter 3 : A possible answer]

Chapter 3 – A possible answer
Kyle got back home after his soccer training at 2:00 PM. He got in the living room and saw James sitting in a chair watching TV. He looked very worried. Kyle asked him:

“Why are you so depressed bro, what happened?”

“I just got beat by Ron at Duel Monsters”- James replied depressively. Kyle started laughing. But then he remembered.

“Wait, a minute…, didn’t Ron hate Duel Monsters? – Kyle asked.
“He has started to play it recently and he had a practice duel with me. He had an Exodia deck. And fortunately for him, I drew Skill Drain too late during the duel, that’s why he won. Besides he stalled all the time and he used the right cards to do it.” – replied James. Kyle was going to mock James about his loss, but instead he asked:

“Anyway, are you going to participate in that tournament? And before you ask how I know about it since I’m not too much interested in Duel Monsters, I’m telling you that I overheard two friends of mine talking about it during the training.”

“I wasn’t going to ask how you knew about it, but yes I’ll participate.” – James answered.

“Well, you better register at it now, because it starts tomorrow.” – Kyle told him.

“I know and I did register! Wait a sec; I forgot to check the rules of the tourney!” – he yelled and ran to his room to check the rules in the link that Ron had sent him through Facebook. In the meanwhile Kyle knocked at his parents’ room.

“Come in” – a voice was heard behind the door. Kyle opened the door and he saw his mother, Amanda, lying on her bed.

“Hi mum, do you feel any better?” – Kyle asked as he was sitting on a chair.

“Yeah, I’m better now – she replied - but what’s with James? He looks so worried.”

“You got in mind that card game that I and James often play? Well, he lost in that card game against Ron and he is worried now. You may ask why he is so worried, because it’s just a game, but Ron is only a beginner, while James has 4 years of experience in that game. Besides, there’s also a tournament organized by the company that invented the game in our town that starts tomorrow and James is going to participate, but he hasn’t prepared at all for it as he got the news a bit too late.” – Kyle replied.
“What about you – Amanda asked – aren’t you going to participate?”

“First of all, I got an important football match on Christmas Eve and I have to prepare for it. Secondly, I don’t like that game as much as James. I play with him, but I do it just to pass time.” – Kyle replied.
“And why don’t you like it, if your brother can have fun playing it, why don’t you try to have fun too?” – his mother asked again.

“You know, mum – said Kyle – it’s a bit complicated. In that game every player has his own personal deck made up with his own cards and has his own style of playing. The cards that they use to play often represent the player’s personality. I haven’t still found card that represent my personality and I don’t think they do exist.” But then he thought: “[i] What if… [/i]”

“Excuse me, mum, I forgot to do something.”- he said as he left the room. He entered in his brother’s room without knocking. James saw him enter and told him:

“I read the rules, 32 duelists from all America will participate and I checked that I was the 31st to register, there was no special requirement except for the age that must be over 13, so you can’t participate.”

“Actually, James, I didn’t came here to see if you read the rules or not, as I need to ask you something. You remember about that freaky dream I have had this entire week? I think I figured out what it means. Firstly, the monstrous creatures that the warriors I commanded in my dreams were supposed to fight were actually the monster cards we use in Duel Monsters. Secondly the warriors are probably cards that are still not official and that will become soon and that will be used by me. Not only that but those cards will be used by me. So James can you…” James interrupted Kyle:

“So you want me to win that tournament, and have Industrial Illusions create those cards and give them you as a Christmas present, right? I would buddy, because I want to win the tournament for fame rather than for the cards, but I’ll give them to you only if you can take my life points lower than 1500 in a duel with 8000 LP or tie or defeat me. You have 1 hour of time to build your deck and you can add up to 1 banned card in your deck.” But Kyle wasn’t good enough at Duel Monster to do that. He had never lowered James’ life points as little as 1500 in a duel with 8000 LP, let along to beat him. But, nonetheless he accepted and got in his room to prepare his deck.

---------------------------------------- -----------------1 hour later---------------------------------------------------------------

“[i]Okay[/i] – Kyle thought – [i]its ready[/i].” He had prepared a Beatdown Deck with 40 cards. He got in James’ room. He was sitting in a chair close to a table waiting for Kyle. The latter sit on the other side of the table and both put their decks on it. Kyle had the first turn. He drew his cards and summoned Thunder King Rai-oh (1900/800) and set Mirror Force and Radiant Mirror Force face-down. He ended his turn. James drew his card. It was Skill Drain.

“I’ll start by setting two cards face down and I summon Gene-Warped Werewolf (2000/100). I attack Rai-Oh with my werewolf.” Kyle activated Mirror Force witch resulted in the destruction of Gene-Warped Werewolf. James ended the turn. Kyle drew a card.

“I activate Skill Drain.” – said James. (LP: 8000 -> 7000)

“I sacrifice my Rai-Oh to Advance Summon Caius, the Shadow Monarch (2400/1000) and I attack you directly.” – Kyle said. James activated Negate Attack to stop Caius’ attack. Kyle ended his turn. James drew and thought: “[i] Awesome, I drew Beast King Barbaros.[/i]”

“Firstly, I summon Goblin’s Attack Force (2300/0). Then I activate Double Summon witch allows me to Normal summon once more during this turn. And by activating his effect from my hand I can Normal Summon Beast King Barbaros without tribute and due to Skill Drain his attack does not become 1900, but stays at 3000.”

To be continued…

[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Chapter 4 : Ring of Destruction]

Chapter 4 – Ring of Destruction
Duel continued from Chapter 3
James
LP=7000
Hand: 2 cards
Field: Beast King Barbaros (3000/1200) Attack Position, Goblin’s Attack Force (2300/0) Attack Position Skill Drain (Continuous Trap Card) face-up.
Kyle
LP=8000
Hand: 3 cards
Field: Caius, the Shadow Monarch (2400/1000) Attack Position, Radiant Mirror Force (Trap Card) face-down.
--------------------------
“I attack Caius with Beast King Barbaros (Kyle’s LP 8000 -> 7400), then I attack you directly with Goblin’s Attack Force (Kyle’s LP 7400 -> 4100). I end my turn.” Although Kyle lost almost half his total life points in 1 turn, he wasn’t alarmed at all, as he had a secret plan.

“I draw.” – he said. It didn’t matter what card he had drawn. The key to victory was already in his hand.

“I activate Lightning Vortex. I can discard 1 card and destroy all your face-up Monsters. Then I activate Monster Reborn, to revive Barbaros. I attack you directly (James’s LP 7000  4000). I end my turn.” James stared his turn by drawing. “[i] Nice card.[/i]”- James thought.

“I set 1 card and 1 monster and finish my turn.” – he said. Kyle drew a card. He summoned Drillago (1600/1100) in attack position and attacked the facedown monster with it. The monster turned out to be Berserk Gorilla (2000/1000) witch was destroyed. But James activated his facedown card, witch was Ring of Destruction. James chose Barbaros to be destroyed and both of them lost 3000 LP (James’ LP 4000 -> 1000) (Kyle’s LP 4100 -> 1100). Kyle ended his turn and James began his. He drew.

“I summon Insect Knight (1900/1600) in Attack Position and I attack your Drillago with him (Kyle’s LP 1100800). You see, little brother, you can’t defeat me.” – he said.

“My objective is not to defeat you, but to take your life points any number lower than 1500 so you could give me the cards that Industrial Illusions would create for you if you would win the tournament. And I have achived it.”- Kyle said with an ironic tone. James got irritated, but he had no intention to give up, but he ended his turn nonetheless as he had nothing else to do.

“It’s my turn now.” – Kyle said. James interrupted him by saying with his usual sarcasm:

“Like I didn’t know.” Kyle pretended he hadn’t heard anything and got on with his turn. He drew a card and he became surprised from what he had drawn. “[i] Destiny…[/i] – he thought – [i] Nah, I don’t believe that crap.[/i]” He set a card and ended his turn. Immediately after James drew a card, Kyle activated Ring of Destruction. So Insect Knight was destroyed and both players lost the remainder of their life points. The duel ended in a tie. James smiled.

“Why are you smiling? – Kyle asked – This is your second EPIC FAIL duel you had today.”

“Because if I play like this in the tourney, I won’t win and you won’t get the card that you want. Also, you made me understand that my deck needs to be improved.” – James replied.

“WHAAT – Kyle yelled – that means that you will lose on purpose so that I won’t get the cards.”

“I’m just kidding; – James said – I would never do that. Now get out of my room as I need to concentrate and prepare my deck for tomorrow.”

Kyle hoped that James would win the tournament. Not for the cards, but for James too. But he wasn't very worried about it. He was confident that James wouldn't have any serious problem.

[/spoiler]
[spoiler= Chapter 5 - The tournament begins!]


James and Kyle were walking to the Duel Monsters store in their town. It was located near the Town Center. Kyle wasn’t worried at all, but James was really nervous. He didn’t talk at all on the way to the shop. They entered in the shop; it was a big one with white walls and had square tables and chairs, and Kyle checked the players who were in there. He noticed Ron talking to a friend of Kyle, Robert Peterson, a really good duelist, a short and a little fat guy with very short black hair and a friendly face and Alice, James’ crush and classmate. The rest were unknown to Kyle and most of them were from other cities. James, unfortunately, noticed Alice too and got even more nervous. She was a tall girl, with blonde hair, blue eyes and very cute. But James didn’t stare at her for too long as a judge started announcing the matches through the microphone:

“May I have your attention, participants? First of all I like to wish you good luck! But now I will announce the matches…” and he continued talking. It didn’t matter much to Kyle who was against who, but unfortunately James was against Robert. The duelists sit in their tables and put their decks on them. James was in a table close to the door.

“Hey Robert – said Kyle- so, you’re against my brother.” Then he noticed Robert’s surprised face. “Oh, how rude – he continued – you don’t know each-other and I haven’t introduced my brother yet to you. Robert he’s James, my big brother, James this is Robert, a friend of mine.” Robert and James shook their hands and said at the same time: “Nice to meet you.” Then they threw the dices to decide who would go on first. James got a 2, while Robert got a 4. Robert decided to go first and the both of them drew their cards.

“First, I summon Abyssal Kingshark (1700/600) in Attack Position. I set 2 cards face-down and I’ll end my turn.” – said Robert.
James said: “Hmmm, a Fish Synchro OTK deck, right? Well, too bad for you that one of your deck’s weaknesses is Skill Drain. Anyway, I’ll go on with my turn. I set 1 card face-down and I summon Gene-Warped Werewolf (2000/100) in Attack Position. Since your monster is weaker than mine I will attack it.”
Robert smiled a bit and activated one of his face downs: “I activate Fish Depth Charge. By sending a Fish-type monster form my field to the graveyard, to destroy one of your monsters and to draw 1 card. I choose Gene-Warped Werewolf.” Robert drew his card and smiled once more:

“I still have my other facedown card; Mystical Space Typhoon. I will destroy your facedown. Its probably Skill Drain, isn’t it?” James smiled and sent his card to the graveyard.

“[i]What?[/i] – thought Robert – [i]it wasn’t at all Skill Drain, it was Threatening Roar. He knew that I would destroy it, that’s why he set it, to use it as bait. He made my deck’s weakness witch is also his deck’s main strategy clear by simply saying it in the very first turn of the duel. Unlike most other duelists who use only superior strategies or superior cards to win, this guy also uses psychological games. What a guy, I’ve never had an opponent like this until now, never. But, it’s my turn now, and his field is empty that’s why I’m gonna do an OTK, and win[/i].

“I draw! I summon Unshaven Angler (1500/1600) in Attack Position. Then I activate Double summon, so I can Normal Summon once more. I activate Unshaven Angler’s effect to treat him as two tributes for a water monster, so I can sacrifice him to Summon Superancient Deepsea King Coelacanth (2800/2200) in Attack Position.” James’ facial expression didn’t change at all. This made Robert more worried, but he continued his turn:

“I activate Coelacanth’s effect, to summon 2 Royal Swamp Eels (1700/1200) in Attack position, 1 Golden Flying Fish(1700/1000), and 1 Abyssal Kingshark (1700/600) from my deck. Now, I tune 1 of my Royal Swap Eels with Golden Flying Fish (4 + 4 = 8 ), to Synchro Summon Stardust Dragon (2500/2000) in Attack Position. Then, I tune my other Royal Eel with Abyssal Kingshark (4 + 4 = 8 ) to Synchro Summon Red Dragon Archfiend (3000/2000). Now since your field is empty I will attack you directly with my monsters and win the duel.”

“I activate Kuriboh’s effect form my hand. By discarding him, I can Red Dragon Archfiend’s damage that is inflicted to my Life Points to zero. So now I lose only 5300 LP (James’s LP= 8000-5300=2700).” – said James.
“
[i] That’s why he wasn’t worried.[/i]” – thought Robert.

“I activate the Continuous Spell Card Water Hazard and I end my turn.” – he said. James began his turn:

“I draw. I activate Dark Hole to destroy all monsters on the field. So you have to say goodbye to all of them. I also activate Monster Reborn to summon your Stardust Dragon on my side of the field. Then I summon Chainsaw Insect (2400/0). Now I attack you directly with my monsters (Robert’s LP= 8000-4900=3100). I set 1 card then end my turn. Oh, by the way due to my Insect’s effect you draw 1 card.”

“[i]So this is what he is like in tournaments. James McCain, winner of last year’s local tournament in Los Angeles. It is said that when he duels for fun, he is an average, actually lousy duelist, but when he plays in a tournament or in a duel where there is something important to him at stake he suddenly becomes better.[/i]” – Robert thought as he drew his card.

“I activate Water Hazard’s effect, witch allows me to summon a WATER monster with a level of 4 stars or lower if I control no monsters. I summon Oyster Meister (1600/200). I tribute him for Cranium fish (2400/1000). And due to his effect I Special summon 1 Oyster Token (0/0/Lvl 1/WATER/Fish) in Defense Position. Oh, by the way I have to thank you for making me draw this card due to Chainsaw Insect’s effect. I activate Book of Moon (Quick-play Spell Card) to shift Stardust Dragon into face-down defense position. Now I attack Stardust with Cranium Fish. I end my turn.”
Until now Kyle just watched the duel and without noticing, he got absorbed in it. The duel was so intense that many other players that had already finished their duels were there watching the duel. James drew his card and continued his turn:

“I activate my facedown card, Skill Drain ([i] Finally [/i] – thought Robert), I pay 1000 LP (James’ LP = 2700 – 1000 = 1700) and the monsters’ effects of the field are negated. Then I summon Beast King Barbaros (3000/1200) without tribute and due to Skill Drain his attack does not become 1900. I attack Cranium Fish with Barbaros (Robert’s LP = 3100 – 600 = 2500) and Oyster Token with Chainsaw Insect. I end my turn.”

“[i] Crap [/i] – thought Robert – [i] he turned the tides of the duel again and I have no cards on my hand. Everything depends on this draw[/i].”

“Perfect – he said – I drew Pot of Avarice (Normal Spell Card). I activate it, so I can select 5 monsters form my graveyard, put them in the top of my deck then shuffle it and draw 2 cards.” Robert selected “Superancient Deepsea King Coelacanth”, 2 “Royal Swamp Eels”, “Abyssal Kingshark” and “Cranium Fish”. He shuffled the deck and drew his cards.

“I activate Smashing Ground (Normal Spell Card) to destroy your Barbaros and then I set 1 monster facedown. I end my turn.”

“[i] I wonder what could he possibly have in mind, now that he became calmer. Anyway I’ll go on with my turn.[/i] – thought James. He drew his card and said:

“How lucky! I drew just what I needed. I activate Nobleman of Crossout (Normal Spell Card) to remove from play your face-down monster. Then I attack you directly with my Insect (Robert’s LP = 2500-2400 = 100). I end my turn.”

“Oh crap – said Robert – now everything really depends on this draw.”

“I guess so. – replied James – But , I have to admit, this was the best duel I ever had. Go on with your turn now.” Robert drew his card. It was “Cyber Shark” (Lvl 5).

“So I go on with my turn. I draw my card. I attack you directly with Chainsaw Insect (Robert’s LP = 100 -100 = 0). I win.” – continued James. The two players shook their hands. James suddenly became happy as he won in the first round and passed to the second round. He just hoped that the guy or girl that he would have to duel in the second round wouldn’t be as good as Robert.


[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Chapter 6 - Assault Mode Activate!]

After James won his duel he noticed that Alice was still dueling against a tall and bald guy called Thomas. James, Robert and Kyle approached the table so that they could how was the duel going.

[i] The beginning of the duel is skipped [/i]

Alice’s side of the field: Empty

Hand: 3 cards

Life Points: 1800

Thomas’ side of the field: Stardust Dragon (2500/2000) in attack position

Hand: Empty

Life Points: 300
-----------------------
“I attack you directly with Stardust Dragon, so I win the duel, loser.” – said Thomas.

“Not so fast, I discard Kuriboh so I take no damage from Stardust.” – replied Alice. Thomas ended his turn. Alice drew and activated a card form her hand:

“I activate the Normal Spell card, Lightning Vortex. By discarding a card – she discarded the card she just drew – I can destroy all your face-up monsters.

“I activate Stardust’s effect, so I can negate your spell’s effect by sacrificing him. But, don’t worry he’ll be back by the end of this turn.” – replied Thomas.

“It doesn’t matter – replied Alice – as I will summon another Kuriboh (300/200) and attack you directly with him.” Thomas was very, very surprised and shocked. He had been beaten by Kuriboh’s attack. He picked up his cards and got away.

“What a loser!” – murmured Alice. Then she noticed James:

“Oh, hi James, how are you doing?”

“H-hi – said James as he started blushing – I’m doing fine. I won my first match and I’m waiting for my second one. I watched the last turns of your duel too and I was impressed. I had no idea that you were such a good duelist.”

“Oh, I just had luck – she said, but then she noticed Kyle – is this your brother?”

“Yeah, he’s my little brother Kyle. Kyle, this is Alice.” – replied James. He had told a lot about Alice to Kyle and the later knew that James had a crush on her, so he pretended that James had never spoke of Alice in front of him. “Nice to meet you.” – replied Kyle as he shook her hand.

“Well, James I’m glad that I met you again, but now we really got to go as the judge is announcing the matches.” – said Alice.

“First of all – the judge started speaking through a microphone – I congratulate all the participants that passed the first round. Now I will announce the matches of the second round…” Then the judge continued talking. James this round was against a guy called Clark. He looked older than 20 and was way taller than James. He had brown long hair, blue eyes and a slight beard. They sat on a table near the door and shook hands. Now James was calmer now and started making fun of his opponent:

“Good luck, Superman.” Clark wasn’t bothered at all by the joke and replied:

“Have fun, Agent 007.”

“[i] Smart guy, but now let’s see how smart he is during a duel. [/i]” – thought James. They shuffled each-other’s decks and put them on the table. They threw their dices and James got a five while Clark got a one. But, nonetheless James decided to let Clark go on first. The players drew their cards, and Clark began his turn:

“I activate the Normal Spell card Assault Teleport. I return an Assault Mode monster form my hand to my deck, shuffle it and draw two cards.” He drew his cards than he continued:

“I set 1 card face-down and I set 1 monster in defense position. I end my turn.”

“Oh no, not an Assault deck… I totally hate them! – said James – Anyway I’ll continue my turn. Draw. I set 1 card face-down and I summon Insect Knight (1900/1500) in attack position and I use him to attack your facedown monster.” Clark revealed his card:

“My facedown monster is Dark Resonator (1300/300/Tuner). Once per turn he cannot be destroyed by battle.”
James got a little irritated and ended his turn. Clark began his turn:

“I activate the Normal Spell card Instant Fusion. By paying 1000 Life points (Clark’s LP = 8000 – 1000 = 7000) I can Special summon 1 Fusion monster with a level of 5 stars or lower from my Extra deck. He can’t attack this turn and is destroyed during the end phase. I choose Flame Swordsman (1800/1600/5). Now I tune Dark Resonator with Flame Swordsman (3 + 5 = to Synchro Summon Stardust Dragon. Then…”

“Whoa, dude slow down a bit with all the activating and summoning and stuff… I have my own card to activate; Skill Drain. I pay 1000 Life Points (James’ LP = 8000 – 1000 =7000) and monster effects cannot be activated while they are on the field. Now go on.” – said James.

“Skill Drain, huh? Well that doesn’t prevent me from activating my Normal Trap card Assault Mode Activate. I send Stardust Dragon to the Graveyard to summon form my hand or deck Stardust Dragon Assault Mode (3000/2500). Although I can’t activate his effects due to Skill Drain, 3000 Attack points are not something to underestimate. Also I haven’t Normal summoned yet, so I summon Flamvell Firedog (1900/200). I attack Insect Knight with Stardust Dragon Assault Mode (James’ LP = 7000-1100 = 5900) and I attack you directly with Firedog (James’ LP = 5900-1900 = 4000). I end my turn.”

“[i] Crap, now I have lost half my life points! What the hell should I do now?! [/i]” – thought James. Although his hand had good cards, none of them was good enough to help him defeat Stardust. Then he drew his card, smiled and continued his turn:

“Yes, I drew just what I needed! I activate my Normal Spell card Smashing Ground to destroy Stardust Dragon Assault Mode. Then I summon Fusilier Dragon, The Dual Mode Beast (2800/2000) in attack position. You see, although my Fusilier Dragon is a level 8 monster, he can be Normal Summoned without any Tributes. Usually that would cost him half of his ATK and DEF, but when Skill Drain is on the field that doesn’t happen. Also I activate the Normal Spell card Double Summon witch allows me to summon a monster once more. So I summon Goblin’s Elite Attack Force (2200/1500) in attack position. Now I attack your Firedog with Fusilier Dragon (Clark’s LP = 7000 – 900 = 6100) and since your field is empty I attack you directly with Goblin’s Elite Attack Force (Clark’s LP = 7100 – 2200 = 4900). I set 1 card and I end my turn.” Clark drew a card and continued his turn:

“Nice moves, really nice moves. But the tides of the duel will be turned again and this time by me. I activate Monster Reborn to summon Stardust Dragon. Then I activate Hammer Shot to destroy Fusilier Dragon (2500/2000) in attack position. Then I discard Assault Beast to take Assault Mode Activate form my deck to my hand. I summon another Flamvell Firedog (1900/200) in attack position. I set 1 card face-down and I attack your goblin with Stardust.”

“Like always you are going too fast on your turns. You must rest and think sometimes because I activate my facedown, Call of the Haunted. Now I summon Fusilier Dragon (2800/2000) again in attack mode.” – said James.

“Crap – said Clark –but anyway I’ll attack your goblin anyway (James’s LP = 4000 – 300 = 3700). I end my turn.” James drew his card and became surprised by the luck he had during that duel. But in the meanwhile Clark activated his facedown witch was Assault Mode Activate to summon Stardust Dragon Assault Mode (3000/2500) in attack mode. That didn’t bother James at all. He continued his turn by saying:

“I summon Beast King Barbaros (3000/1200). He can be summoned without tributes, but without Skill Drain his Attack would become 1900. But since Skill Drain is on the field, his attack remains as it is. Now I attack Stardust Dragon Assault Mode with Barbaros to destroy both of them. Then I attack Flamvell Firedog with Fusilier Dragon (Clark’s LP = 4900 – 900 = 4000). I end my turn.”

“Draw! – said Clark – I set 1 monster and I’ll end my turn.”

“Bad hand, huh?” – asked James.

“Yeah – replied Clark – I got a very bad hand. If you are lucky enough this turn you will win the duel.”

“Well, let’s see. I draw. Wow, very lucky I activate Nobleman of Crossout to remove form play your face-down monster. Then I summon Gene-Warped Werewolf (2000/100) in attack mode. I attack you directly with both my monsters and win the duel (Clark’ LP = 4000-4000 = 0).” James had won again. He shook his hand with Clark and the latter said:

“If it hadn’t been for Skill Drain I would’ve won the duel. But I enjoyed it for while it lasted. You know, you got a talent for turning the tides during a duel.”

“Thanks. – replied James – but next time you duel, don’t hurry up during your duels. Take your time, it’s a turn-based game you know.”
And so James passed the second round, but he didn’t know that the third one would be much harder for him.


[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Chapter 7 - The Weak Point]

Chapter 7 – The weak point
The first day of the tournament had already ended so Kyle and James headed home.

“Wow, James I had never seen you play so well. You passed both rounds easily.” – said Kyle.

“For you and the others that were watching it might have looked like I had the situation under control all the time, but for me it was very hard, especially against Robert. But, I wonder what the third round will be like.” – replied James. They got in their home and James sighed. He said:

“I got a bad feeling about tomorrow.” But Kyle wasn’t at all worried. He knew that his brother was a very good duelist, but sometimes he tended to make stupid mistakes. The cases were rare anyway. But, Kyle didn’t know how easy was to counter a Skill Drain deck like James’, while James did, so he made some little changes to his deck, just in case.
The next day, James and Kyle headed to the shop again for the tournament. On their way, they met Ron.

“Wow, a random loser is blocking our path.” – said James as he saw him. Ron noticed him and said:

“Still in the tournament, idiot? Wow, I’m really surprised; I thought you would have been owned by Robert, since you always get owned by kids and beginners. And for your information I’m still in the tournament so watch out.” – Ron replied. Kyle looked at the two with an annoyed gaze and he continued to walk. Ron and James followed him and they started insulting each-other. Kyle didn’t say a thing until they reached the shop.

“James, Ron stop insulting each-other and hurry up, the judge is going to announce the matches.” – he said. The judge announced indeed the matches. James was against a little girl called Elena. Although she had to be older than 13, she looked like she was only nine years old. She had short red hair, brown eyes, light skin and a short stature. James smiled at her and shook her hand.

“[i] It’s not fair – Kyle thought – she can manipulate you only with her cuteness and smallness. If I were in James’ shoes I would have problems on playing seriously against her. [/i]” The two players started the duel. They threw their dices. James got a two; Elena got a six, so she started her turn:

“I draw. I summon Vorse Raider (1900/1200) in attack mode. Then I set 1 card and I’ll end my turn.”

“A little girl like you is using Vorse Raider? No offense, but I thought that girls, especially the younger ones liked Spellcaster decks, Fairy decks and Plant decks.” – said James. Elena got very irritated. She started saying with a serious voice:

“I’m not a little girl! And there is no restriction to girls in Duel Monsters. Everybody can use whatever type of deck he or she pleases!”
James smiled. This wasn’t one of his sarcastic smiles, it was a serious one. He apologized:

“I’m sorry Elena. Yes you’re right, there are no restrictions and I will play seriously against you. I draw! I set 1 card and I summon Berserk Gorilla (2000/1000). I attack your Vorse Raider (Elena’s LP = 8000 – 100 = 7900). I end my turn.”

“Finally you got serious. - Elena replied - I activate my facedown, Call of the Haunted to summon Vorse Raider on my side of the field again. Anyway, he won’t be there for a long time because I tribute him for Summoned Skull (2500/1200). Then I activate Ancient Rules to Special Summon 1 level 5 or higher Normal Monster form my hand. I summon Frostosaurus (2600/1700) in attack mode. Now I attack Berserk Gorilla with Summoned Skull.”

“I activate my facedown, Negate Attack to stop Summoned Skull’s attack and end your battle phase.” – said James.
“[i] Oh no, she has a Normal Monster deck! What should I do now? Ok, James, just calm down and keep fighting. This is just a game, after all. I can still win if I draw 'THAT' card. [/i]” – thought James.

“I end my turn.” – continued Elena. James drew his card, but it wasn’t at all what he expected. Still, he knew a way out of the situation.

“I activate Gold Sarcophagus. I select 1 card from my deck, remove it from play and I’ll get it after 2 turns. I choose Skill Drain. Then I activate form my hand Smashing Ground to destroy you Frostosaurus. Also, I tribute Berserk Gorilla to summon Cyber-Tech Alligator (2500/1600) in attack mode. Now, I attack Summoned Skull with Cyber-Tech Alligator so they can both be destroyed. I end my turn.” – said James with a desperate tone.

“Hah! You barely could escape that crucial situation. – said Elena with an arrogant tone – You also left your field empty and its my turn. Draw! I summon another Vorse Raider (1900/1200) in attack mode. Then I activate Summoner’s Art to place 1 level 5 or higher Normal Monster from my deck to my hand.” She chose a monster and placed it into her hand. Then she continued her turn:

“I activate Ancient Rules to Special Summon the monster I just placed in my hand, Blue Eyes White Dragon (3000/2500) in attack position. I attack you with both my monsters.”
James activated Kuriboh’s effect form his hand: “I discard Kuriboh form my and to make the damage caused by Blue-Eyes 0.”

“You lose 1900 Life Points anyway due to Vorse Raider’s attack (James’ LP = 8000-1900= 6100). I end my turn.” James was in serous difficulty. The only card in his hand was Pot of Avarice, witch was useless, because he didn’t have enough monsters in his graveyard. The next card he drew would decide the duel.


To be continued…

[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Chapter 8 - The Ace Card]

Chapter 8 – The Ace Card
Duel continued from previous chapter
James’s field: Empty
James’ hand: 1 card
Life Points: 6100
Elena’s field: Vorse Raider (1900/1200/4/Beast-Warrior/Normal/Attack Position), Blue-Eyes White Dragon (3000/2500/8/Dragon/Normal/Attack Position)
Elena’s hand: Empty
Elena’s Life Points: 7900
----------------------------------------------
It was James’ turn. He only had 1 card in his hand and his field was empty. Everything depended on the card he would draw.

“I draw.” – he said with a weak voice. He looked at the card and a ray of hope came to his heart.

“[i] Hell yeah, just the card I needed. [/i]” – he thought as he was trying not to make his face look happy. On the other hand with a non-expressive face he said:

“I end my turn.”

“Is this all you got? – said Elena – I wonder why people consider you a good duelist. Draw! I tribute Vorse Raider to summon another Summoned Skull (2500/1200/6/Fiend/Normal/Attack Position). I attack you directly with both my monsters (James’ LP = 6100 – 5500 = 600). I end my turn. Face it, you cannot defeat me.”

“Oh, yes I can! – James said with a triumphant voice – Before you end your turn I activate Joan the Maiden’s (http://s1134.photobucket.com/albums/m612/clmberserker245/?action=view¤t=joan.jpg) effect form my hand. If you have inflicted me more than 2500 battle damage to my life points and I control no cards I can Special Summon it in my field. Since I have taken 5500 damage this turn Joan’s attack and defense becomes 5500. Now it’s my turn. Draw! I attack Summoned Skull with Joan the Maiden (Elena’s LP = 7900 – 3000 = 4900). I end my turn my setting a card face-down.”

“[i] Crap, now he took the advantage. Although Joan is destroyed 3 turn after she is summoned, I don’t think I can hold that long. I got no cards in my hand and Blue-Eyes is the only card in field. [/i]” –thought Elena.

“Draw! – she said – Oh, no I don’t need this card now, I end my turn by switching Blue-Eyes in Defense Position.”

“And you would be the one to win.” – said James as he was drawing his card.

“First of all, - he continued - due to Gold Sarcophagus’ effect I can take Skill Drain into my hand. Secondly, I activate my facedown, Call of the Haunted (Trap/Continuous) to revive Cyber-Tech Alligator (2500/1700/5/Machine/Normal/Attack Position). Now I summon from my hand Chainsaw Insect (2400/0/4/Insect/Effect/Attack Position). Whoa, wait a minute… 2500 + 2400 = 4900. I won! I attack Blue-Eyes with Joan the Maiden and I attack you directly with Cyber-Tech Alligator and Chainsaw Insect (Elena’s LP = 4900 – 4900 = 0). It was a good duel though. You are a very good duelist Elena, don’t worry about a loss.” There was no point on James saying that, because Elena wasn’t worried at all. They shook hands and she got away.
Right after Elena got out of the shop, James and Kyle headed towards the judge to know what the matches during the semi-finals would be. In the meanwhile Ron and Alice headed to the judge too.

“Hmph, so you passed even the third round loser. I hope I duel you in the semi-finals so I can beat you once more with Exodia.” –said Ron as he saw James.

“Still using that Exodia deck? No wonder you passed so easily the three first rounds.” – said James

“It’s not the deck that makes the duelist; it’s the duelist that makes the deck.” – replied Ron.

“Oh, no, not another guy who got infected by the 4kids version of the show and has started quoting every stupid thing the characters say. Anyway, Ron I did not intend criticizing your deck, I meant to make fun of your skill at topdecking A.K.A The Heart of the Cards.” – replied James with a sarcastic voice. Kyle had been quiet until now, but he got irritated by the stupid argument between his brother and his friend, so he said:

“James, don’t be such a hypocrite, during your last duel you topdecked twice. As for you Ron, don’t be such a weakling by stalling all the time so you can get Exodia. If you would have the guts you would put Exodia Necros or Exxodius in your deck.”

“I agree with your little brother, James, so both you and Ron shut up and pay attention to the judge because we have a problem.” – said Alice.

“What prob…” – said James, but he was interrupted by the judge:

“May I have your attention participants? Good, now you shall come to this table close to me and pick one of the papers. Before you ask, the fourth participant forfeited and the three remaining ones will pick one of the papers. Each paper has a number written on it. The one, who gets a 3, will automatically advance in the finals and the two others will duel as usual and the winner will advance in the finals.”
Alice, James and Ron picked a paper and showed it to the judge. Alice got a 3, James a 2 and Ron got a 1, so James and Ron would duel.

“[i] I can’t wait to beat the motherfucking s*** out of him [/i].”


[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Chapter 9 - Defeated Exodia]

Chapter 9 – Defeated Exodia
James and Ron sat down and put their decks on the table. Then James recalled something he should have done.

“Excuse me; mister, may I make a quick change to my deck. I forgot to add a couple of cards from my side deck to my main deck.” – said James to the judge.

“OK – he replied – but make it quick and show the cards to me before putting them on your deck.” James agreed, he picked the cards from his side deck and showed them to the judge. Then, he took out two other cards form his deck.

“Are you done? – asked Ron – I can’t wait to humiliate you.”

“Yes, I’m done. But, if I were in your shoes I would be more concerned rather than arrogant.” – replied James. Both duelists shuffled each-other’s decks and rolled their dices. Ron got a two, while James got a three. The latter chose to get the first turn. Both players drew their cards and the duel began. James continued with his turn:

“I’ll start by setting two cards face-down. I end my turn by summoning Goblin’s Elite Attacking Force (2200/1500/4/Fiend/Effect) in attack position. I end my turn. Let’s see what you got.”

“You’re such an idiot. You can’t defeat me with the same strategy you tried to use in our first duel. – said Ron confidently – Draw! I set 1 monster face-down and 1 card facedown. I end my turn.”
James had an unusual facial expression witch showed disgust and irritation at the same time. He was pissed to see his opponent using the same strategies of stalling again. Of course, the fact that the opponent was Ron, his rival had also influence in his facial expression. Trying to control his emotions, he continued his turn:

“I activate my facedown, Skill Drain. I pay 1000 life points (James’ LP = 8000 – 1000 = 7000) and …”

“We know what it does; now go on with your turn.” – interrupted Ron.

“Wow, you’re so eager to lose. Don’t worry, I’ll make it quick. I summon Beast King Barbaros (3000/1200/8/Beast-Warrior/Earth/Effect). He can be summoned without tribute, and although in a normal situation his attack would become 1900, but with Skill Drain negating effects on the field his attack remains 3000.”

“You just wasted a card, James. Since you summoned a monster, I can activate Torrential Tribute to destroy all monsters on the field. And since my facedown monster was Sangan (1000/600/3/Fiend/Dark/Effect), I can use his effect to take one of the pieces of Exodia and place in into my hand. I choose to take the Right Leg of the Forbidden One.” – said Ron. James smirked.

“It is you the one that wasted a card. – he replied – Have you ever considered what cards could my hand have? I activate Monster Reborn to Special Summon Barbaros form my Graveyard. Since your field is empty, I attack directly by using him (Ron’s LP = 8000 – 3000 = 5000). I end my turn.” Ron drew a card. His hand was disappointing, as he had only the two legs of Exodia. But he wouldn’t give up because he had other cards in his hand that would help him:

“I set 1 card and 1 monster facedown. I end my turn.”

“Wait, was that all?! God, you’re so pathetic. – said James – Draw! I summon from my hand Goblin’s Attack Force (2300/0/4/Warrior/Earth/Effect). I attack your facedown monster with my Goblin.” The monster was “Skelengel (900/400/2/Fairy/Light/Effect)”, whose effect allowed its owner to draw 1 card, but since there was “Skill Drain” on the field its effect is negated. James thus continued his battle phase:

“I attack you life points directly with Beast King Barbaros.”

“Stop right there. – declared Ron – I activate my facedown, Call of the Haunted witch allows me to Special Summon Sangan from my graveyard in attack mode.”

“Then I will continue my attack and destroy him with Barbaros (Ron’s LP = 5000 – 3000 = 2000).” – replied James, although he knew that Ron would get another piece of Exodia like that. The latter used Sangan’s effect and placed the head of Exodia in his hand. James ended his turn. Ron drew his card and activated it immediately:

“I activate Mystical Space Typhoon, so I can destroy 1 Spell/Trap card on the field. And I choose Skill Drain. Then I set 1 card and 1 monster. I end my turn.”

“[i] OK, now! Let’s analyze a bit the situation. Since he has activated Sangan’s effect twice, he must have at least 2 pieces of Exodia in his hand. And since he placed two cards on the field this turn, it means that he also has a third piece. And he has 3 cards in his hand it means that all of his cards are pieces of Exodia! It’s the perfect time to activate my Trap card! [/i]” – were James’ thoughts. He drew his card and without even looking at it he claimed:

“I activate my trap card, Lightforce Sword! I select 1 random card from your hand and you have to remove it from play facedown for three turns. The card that was removed form play is returned in your hand in the fourth turn after this card’s activation.” Kyle, who hadn’t spoke during the entire duel, asked James:

“Didn’t the term “remove form play” change into “banish”?”

“Yeah, - replied James - , but I like using “remove from play”. It sounds more natural to me. Now be quiet and let me concentrate on the duel, moron!”

“What? – said Ron surprised – So, that’s the card you added in your deck right before our duel.”

“You thought I would be unprepared like last time? Now I get to choose the card from your hand.” – he replied as he picked the card.

“Then I will attack your facedown monster with Goblin’s Attack Force.” The monster was another Skelengel. Ron drew his card and was so desperate that he didn’t even look at it. James continued his battle phase:

“And to end this duel I attack you directly with my Barbaros!” Ron’s life points hit zero. He showed his facedown, witch was Jar of Greed. It would be pointless to activate it as he knew that nothing he would draw would help him. Both friends smiled.

“Next time we duel don’t be a pussy and use Exodia, play with a more offensive deck or otherwise you’re not anymore my rival in Duel Monsters.”- said James. Ron didn’t say anything about James’ “threat”. He just said “Good luck in the finals.” James arranged the cards in his deck shuffled it a couple of times and headed to Alice for the final match of the tournament.

[/spoiler]




[spoiler=Bios]

[spoiler=Kyle]

Name : Kyle McCain

Age: 12

Date of birth: 4 April 2000

Appearance description : Kyle has light brown hair, green eyes (like the rest of his family) and a light, "Celtic" type skin. He is a little tall for his age. Although he is skinny and a little underweight, he has a strong physical body and a remarkable speed and stamina (due to his soccer training).

Personality: Kyle is a kind and quiet boy. He shares a strong bond with his family, especially with his brother James, although he is often mocked by the latter. He is a good friend with Ron, but they don't spend much time with each-other, probably due to their age gap. Kyle is also very brave and honest, although he has a fear of spiders and vampires. He likes history, biology and math and he wants to become a historian when he grows up. He doesn't like Duel Monster as much as his brother, but he plays it from time to time. He and his family have Scottish origins.

Deck: TBD

[/spoiler]



[spoiler=James]

Name: James McCain

Age: 16

Date of birth: 10 June 1997

Appearance description: James has blond hair, green eyes and a light skin. He has an average height and an average weigh. He has a stronger physical body than Kyle, but certainly not the speed that Kyle has.

Personality: James is Kyle's big, loving and mean brother. He loves Kyle and his family very much, but he is sometimes mean with Kyle. He is very sarcastic sometimes, but the cases are rare.Although he is skeptical about many things, he is very religious. He is also very brave, even braver than Kyle, actually he is reckless. He fears nothing except for getting bad grades at school. He loves Duel Monsters and he is very good at it. He started playing it when he was nine years old. James likes every subject at school and he is one of the top students at them, except for maths, where he is just an average student. His best friend, and rival at practically everything, is Ron.

Deck: Skill Drain deck

[/spoiler]


[spoiler=Ron]

Name: Ronald "Ron" Moretti

Age: 16

Date of birth: 5 November 1996

Appearance description: Ron has black hair, brown eyes and a "Mediterranean" type skin. He is short, although he is a basketball player.

Personality: Ron is James' best friend and rival at practically everything. He is a basketball player and is very good at it. He used to hate Duel Monsters, but he has started to play it recently and he likes it a lot. He is also a mathematical genius.

Deck: Exodia deck

[/spoiler]

Minor character descriptions to be added soon.

[Des ＨＥＲＯ]

OK, it's time for me to tell what you should change in your Fan Fic to help you in the future. The main problem is how you present is how you prensented it, at first you characters are speaking in the same line. Eventually, you are making it harder for your readers to know whos saying what. I also don't like how your also using dashes, I would advise you to present it like what James said starting the almost poinless conversation.

Remember, this is an Fan Fic about an Japanise Anime. I don't think they have Facebook, actually what time is it in? Explain about Kyle and his family more. All we know about is that Kyle is some person that has strange dreams that is important to the Fan Fic and that James is his brother. What are their age? What do they look like?

I guess Ron is some friend/rival, because your chracters respond to him like a friend or rival. It would be great if you present his biography soon, like what Kyle knows and then he tells him. All we know is that is possibly an important character that formerly hates Duel Monsters and decides to buy a deck in the greed to get these rare cards. Plus, I don't think an Exodia Deck is an decent deck for an important character, Custom Cards archtype seems more better.

Plus, my thoughts of their Personality seems blank...You know where im going.

I at least hope that Kyle gets an Custom Deck. Oh yeah as an suggestion , why don't you move all this information explaining about all this that you marked with stars to another thread or get rid of the stars.

Finally, i've realised that you don't present the ATK and DEF of the cards. You could put them in brackets like (ATK/DEF). Because what are you going to do if some person that doesn't know about these fairly common cards (rare chance) or you introduce an Custom Archtype without any guidence about the information.


That's all, good luck with your Fan Fic.

[clmberserker245]

[quote name='destruction hero' timestamp='1306749133' post='5241520']
OK, it's time for me to tell what you should change in your Fan Fic to help you in the future. The main problem is how you present is how you prensented it, at first you characters are speaking in the same line. Eventually, you are making it harder for your readers to know whos saying what. I also don't like how your also using dashes, I would advise you to present it like what James said starting the almost poinless conversation.

Remember, this is an Fan Fic about an Japanise Anime. I don't think they have Facebook, actually what time is it in? Explain about Kyle and his family more. All we know about is that Kyle is some person that has strange dreams that is important to the Fan Fic and that James is his brother. What are their age? What do they look like?

I guess Ron is some friend/rival, because your chracters respond to him like a friend or rival. It would be great if you present his biography soon, like what Kyle knows and then he tells him. All we know is that is possibly an important character that formerly hates Duel Monsters and decides to buy a deck in the greed to get these rare cards. Plus, I don't think an Exodia Deck is an decent deck for an important character, Custom Cards archtype seems more better.

Plus, my thoughts of their Personality seems blank...You know where im going.

I at least hope that Kyle gets an Custom Deck. Oh yeah as an suggestion , why don't you move all this information explaining about all this that you marked with stars to another thread or get rid of the stars.

Finally, i've realised that you don't present the ATK and DEF of the cards. You could put them in brackets like (ATK/DEF). Because what are you going to do if some person that doesn't know about these fairly common cards (rare chance) or you introduce an Custom Archtype without any guidence about the information.


That's all, good luck with your Fan Fic.
[/quote]

Yeah, you're right about many things and Ron is indeed James friend/rival. But, the Exodia deck will be only temporary, as he will get bored with it soon. Yeah, i should update my chapter with all the ATK/DEF thing, i'll do it ASAP.Also, I'm working on a bios thread that will make the character's personalities more clear. This fan-fic is settled in America, not in Japan and it happens in the near future (late 2012- early 2013). As for the star "issue" i don't think its much of a problem. I may move it in another thread, but i don't think it would be good if i got rid of it, as i don't think that many people know who were the Stradiots or the Varangian Guards for example. Thanks for the advices and thanks for being honest with me.

[Des ＨＥＲＯ]

With a star thing, I made a mistake. I meant spoiler not thread, Sorry to confuse you. I also didn't mean to tell you to get rid of all the information, just the stars on the preview. Because you could explain it in the preview without the stars.

I think you should put that it's in the late 2012 - early 2013 in the first chapter as an suggestion.

[clmberserker245]

[quote name='destruction hero' timestamp='1306829631' post='5243759']
With a star thing, I made a mistake. I meant spoiler not thread, Sorry to confuse you. I also didn't mean to tell you to get rid of all the information, just the stars on the preview. Because you could explain it in the preview without the stars.

I think you should put that it's in the late 2012 - early 2013 in the first chapter as an suggestion.
[/quote]


It's okay, but i think i will keep the stars to make it easier for the readers to find the description of the word. By the way chapter 2 is up.

[Des ＨＥＲＯ]

Well...Chapter 2 is an improvement to chapter 1 definitely. There is some minor mistakes that don't really matter. The chapter feels a little short, but I don't care. However, you've shown to have used the Personality of both James and Ron in the Chapter as an positive comment and the characters seem to be advancing towards the main point. I would think the duel would be more "intense" as people say if you keep the Face Down cards that the Duellists are going to reveal unknown before they reveal, but your choice obviously. I overall have an neutral thought about the chapter...Not bad, not good, OK!

I would advise you don't rush through this Fan-Fic. Because if you quickly rush through it, you might leave a bunch of mistakes. If you take an few more days, then your work will more likely be better. I would recommend it unless you planned it in several drafts before you started posting it here.

Character Bios are good, I wouldn't have mixed the actual Bio with the Personalty myself. The only "concern" from this is that you've got information about some of the characters that your readers will only learn from the Bios.

[clmberserker245]

[quote name='destruction hero' timestamp='1306943455' post='5246479']
Well...Chapter 2 is an improvement to chapter 1 definitely. There is some minor mistakes that don't really matter. The chapter feels a little short, but I don't care. However, you've shown to have used the Personality of both James and Ron in the Chapter as an positive comment and the characters seem to be advancing towards the main point. I would think the duel would be more "intense" as people say if you keep the Face Down cards that the Duellists are going to reveal unknown before they reveal, but your choice obviously. I overall have an neutral thought about the chapter...Not bad, not good, OK!

I would advise you don't rush through this Fan-Fic. Because if you quickly rush through it, you might leave a bunch of mistakes. If you take an few more days, then your work will more likely be better. I would recommend it unless you planned it in several drafts before you started posting it here.

Character Bios are good, I wouldn't have mixed the actual Bio with the Personalty myself. The only "concern" from this is that you've got information about some of the characters that your readers will only learn from the Bios.
[/quote]

I don't think you can get intense duels when your opponent uses an Exodia deck, because its user stalls all the time until he gets the pieces or until the other player find a way to break his "stalling wall" and win the duel. That is at least my opinion. Don't worry about my rushing, my first 4 chapters are already planed.

[Des ＨＥＲＯ]

Yeah, true enough. Except if the player has Exodia Necross or Exodius if their attempt for an automatic win fails. I think an decent Duellist that uses an Exodia Deck should have some backup plans like a few easily summoned strong enough monsters to put their Opponent on the Defensive route.

[clmberserker245]

Chapter 4 is up.

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

Read the preview and the first two chapters.

That was short. That's not a bad thing, but the reasons for it being so short are bad. A few observations on what I've read so far.

1 - There has been no character description. None. Nada. Zero. Zilch. Period. There have been three/four characters introduced so far andthere has been nothing to tell them apart in my minds eye; no unique appearances or trinkets or personality quirks. I didn't even realise it, but I thought the guy who was having the weird dream was the one duelling.

2 - "One character speaking in this sentence." "Then a second character speaking in this one." "Then back to the first character again." "Then a third person chips in."

Just noticed from chapter three you have amended this, but in order to attract new readers, I'd go back and space out the speaking parts in first two chapters. Because it doesn't leave a good first impression and first impressions are vital.

3 - The first duel was reasonable, but it was all a bit "I summon Sangan and use Torrential Tribute to draw Exodia k I win". It needs a bit more expansion to really draw people in. Fore example:

James - "Good game for a beginner, but not quite good enough. Your field is empty, which means my Insect Knight can attack you directly."

Ron smirked. James was so certain he had this duel won, but his field wasn't empty. He had everything in needed to win. "I activate the trap card, Call of the Haunted. This summons my Sangan back to the field. And you know what happens when he gets sent to the graveyard. I'll add the final piece of Exodia to my hand."

James blinked in shock. He already had four pieces? He had come closer than he had first guessed, but c'mon. He had only added one to his hand, that would mean he had drawn the other three in his opening hand and draw phase. That was just a fluke, but an irrelevant one anyway. "So what? Call of the Haunted summons Sangan in attack mode. Your life points will hit zero* before its effect even activates."

"You're right. Which is why I'm activating my other face down. Torrential Tribute." James gaped in disbelief as Ron calmly placed Sangan back in his graveyard, and revealing the fifth and final piece of Exodia...

*Can't remember if it would have but y'know, dramatic effect and all.

4 - Speaking of *'s, I don't mind them, until they get to point****. I appreciate there is no superscript on here, but maybe numbered brackets(4) would be better. Just a personal preference I guess.

[clmberserker245]

[quote name='Bahamut ZERO' timestamp='1307205360' post='5254001']
Read the preview and the first two chapters.

That was short. That's not a bad thing, but the reasons for it being so short are bad. A few observations on what I've read so far.

1 - There has been no character description. None. Nada. Zero. Zilch. Period. There have been three/four characters introduced so far andthere has been nothing to tell them apart in my minds eye; no unique appearances or trinkets or personality quirks. I didn't even realise it, but I thought the guy who was having the weird dream was the one duelling.

2 - "One character speaking in this sentence." "Then a second character speaking in this one." "Then back to the first character again." "Then a third person chips in."

Just noticed from chapter three you have amended this, but in order to attract new readers, I'd go back and space out the speaking parts in first two chapters. Because it doesn't leave a good first impression and first impressions are vital.

3 - The first duel was reasonable, but it was all a bit "I summon Sangan and use Torrential Tribute to draw Exodia k I win". It needs a bit more expansion to really draw people in. Fore example:

James - "Good game for a beginner, but not quite good enough. Your field is empty, which means my Insect Knight can attack you directly."

Ron smirked. James was so certain he had this duel won, but his field wasn't empty. He had everything in needed to win. "I activate the trap card, Call of the Haunted. This summons my Sangan back to the field. And you know what happens when he gets sent to the graveyard. I'll add the final piece of Exodia to my hand."

James blinked in shock. He already had four pieces? He had come closer than he had first guessed, but c'mon. He had only added one to his hand, that would mean he had drawn the other three in his opening hand and draw phase. That was just a fluke, but an irrelevant one anyway. "So what? Call of the Haunted summons Sangan in attack mode. Your life points will hit zero* before its effect even activates."

"You're right. Which is why I'm activating my other face down. Torrential Tribute." James gaped in disbelief as Ron calmly placed Sangan back in his graveyard, and revealing the fifth and final piece of Exodia...

*Can't remember if it would have but y'know, dramatic effect and all.

4 - Speaking of *'s, I don't mind them, until they get to point****. I appreciate there is no superscript on here, but maybe numbered brackets(4) would be better. Just a personal preference I guess.
[/quote]

Ok, thanks for the advices. They were quite valuable. Seriously. Now, I'll start describing more the duels, making them somewhat more dramatic. Thanks again.

[clmberserker245]

chapter 5 is up

[Des ＨＥＲＯ]

Well, the duel was good since two new characters are introduced with one pictured sort of in my mind (if you described Robert, apologies since I didn't notice him described if you did). However, I think you bracketing about whether the card is a Normal Spell or whatever type of the spell is ruining the ending part of the Chapter in my opinion. I would prefere you sayings something like...

"I activate the Normal Spell Card...(Say the Card without brackets)."

You started doing that, what happened?

Anyway, I feel excited for who James next opponent is (You've left an highly possible clue at least). As an question, are you going to show the other duels or are you going to only show James's duels? Well I'll have to wait patiently for that.

[clmberserker245]

[quote name='destruction hero' timestamp='1307386423' post='5261111']
Well, the duel was good since two new characters are introduced with one pictured sort of in my mind (if you described Robert, apologies since I didn't notice him described if you did). However, I think you bracketing about whether the card is a Normal Spell or whatever type of the spell is ruining the ending part of the Chapter in my opinion. I would prefere you sayings something like...

"I activate the Normal Spell Card...(Say the Card without brackets)."

You started doing that, what happened?

Anyway, I feel excited for who James next opponent is (You've left an highly possible clue at least). As an question, are you going to show the other duels or are you going to only show James's duels? Well I'll have to wait patiently for that.
[/quote]

I described Robert in the first paragraph before Alice i think. And ok, i won't say anymore the spell/trap types in brackets.

[clmberserker245]

sorry for the delay, chapter 6 is up

[clmberserker245]

chapter 7 is up

[Des ＨＥＲＯ]

Sorry for not commenting in a while, I was busy. On Topic, Chapter 7 is good, how many people are entering the Tournament? Because I'm getting curious.

Sadly, everyone leaves mistakes and you said near the end that Vorse Raider used an "effect" and not an "attack". That makes it quite "funny" because the fact that Elena uses Vanilla.

You've now left us at an mini cliffhanger at an quite intense duel. I feel excited for what James is going to do

[clmberserker245]

[quote name='destruction hero' timestamp='1308162463' post='5285425']
Sorry for not commenting in a while, I was busy. On Topic, Chapter 7 is good, how many people are entering the Tournament? Because I'm getting curious.

Sadly, everyone leaves mistakes and you said near the end that Vorse Raider used an "effect" and not an "attack". That makes it quite "funny" because the fact that Elena uses Vanilla.

You've now left us at an mini cliffhanger at an quite intense duel. I feel excited for what James is going to do
[/quote]

People are not entering the tournament, they have already entered in it. Elena was in the same block as James, she won the first two duels and gets to fight James in the third duel. Sorry for not making a tournament bracket, but i didn't have enough names for all 32 participants in my mind. Also, i fixed all the Vorse Raider effect thing. And James will do something very risky and use his new ace card.

[Des ＨＥＲＯ]

Good, but the information you've just given me should have been mentioned in one of the chapters to inform your readers about the number of contenders. You don't need an bracket anyway since it would take ages to show every single duel and as you said it would waste your time thinking of the 32 characters entering.

Can't wait to see his ace, I will be happy if it's an Custom Card.

[clmberserker245]

chapter 8 is up

[Des ＨＥＲＯ]

I guess it is an Custom, it even is quite a support for an Skill Drain Deck. I am concerned that Elena was on the verge for winning and just fell quickly and easily when James unleashed his ace. But overall I think it's good.

I feel excited for how the semi final will be.

[clmberserker245]

sorry for the very long delay, but i have been busy these days and now i will travel a bit around the Balkan peninsula in July and August so chapters will be writen more slowly as i won't have time. Don't misunderstand, i'm not abandoning this fanfic, i will only be slower on writing and posting, that's it. Chapter 9 is finally up!!

[Des ＨＥＲＯ]

OK, it is great that you've not ambandoned this and that you've returned with an new chapter. However, I should tell you that Chapter 9 isn't my favourite because of several mistakes and dislikes. But there are still good factors in it.


I'll start with the negatives. Firstly, the title "Exodia Defeated" will alert you readers that James won, that could lower the chances of them reading chapter 9 and ruin the suspense, theres far more ways to. Secondly, I know an Exodia Deck is mainly stalling, but the duel is fairly boring with Ron being unable to even stand up to James since the second turn. Thirdly, as an mistake, when Barbaros attacked Sangan you lowered Ron's Life Points you treated it like an direct attack (not that it would change the outcome) so I would recommend you change it before anyone else notices.

I liked how you made Ron more cocky since chapter 2, well sort of changed in personality. I also like how you used Lightforce Sword to get your readers to remember back to the Yugioh Anime.

I actually agreed with James, remove from play seems in my opinion better than banished. I can't wait for how the James vs Alice duel, it will most likely be intense. Good luck, I'll be patient.