Maghion Syaoran Light Posted May 30, 2011 Report Share Posted May 30, 2011 So there is a black father and his son flying in a airplane. They are in the middle of the flight when the captain says over the intercom "The plane lost an engine and the weight is too heavy for one engine to carry. I will list a group in alphabet order. If your group is called, you must jump off" The first group called was African. No one got up The second group called was Blacks. No one got up The third group called was Colored people. No one got up. The son then asks his father "Dad, we are African, Black, and Colored, why didnt we jump off?" The Father answers his son "Son, today, we are n****rs. Let the Mexicans jump off first" The son then turns to a mexican kid next to him and said "You will be jumping off before us" The Mexican kid said "Nope, today, I am a wetback" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMRenji Posted May 30, 2011 Report Share Posted May 30, 2011 @Herman: XD I love that first one. The second's good too. Here's one of my favorites. There were three guys who were having some drinks in a bar. They noticed a pot of money in the corner and asked the barman what was it there for. "Well" said the barman "that is there for the taking for anyone who can 1: Drink a full bottle of tequila in two minutes, 2: Go into that cage over there with a lion inside and pull a thorn from the lions foot and 3: finally go upstairs and make love to a 100 year old woman". The three agree to try the challenge. The first man drinks half the tequila he collapses drunk. The second guy downs the tequila and staggers to the lion cage. The door is closed and there is a quick scream as he is mauled by the lion. He rushes out of the cage, heart pounding and closes the door. The third man drinks the tequila and stumbles towards the lion's cage. The door is closed behind him and almost immediately there are the most spine curdling screams and shouts coming from the cage which lasts all of ten minutes. There is banging up against the sides of the box and everything and then silence. The man emerges battered, bleeding and torn - "Now" he says " where is that lady with the thorn in her foot?". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyng's Old Account Posted May 30, 2011 Report Share Posted May 30, 2011 [quote name='◊Renji◊' timestamp='1306734939' post='5241366'] @Herman: XD I love that first one. The second's good too. Here's one of my favorites. There were three guys who were having some drinks in a bar. They noticed a pot of money in the corner and asked the barman what was it there for. "Well" said the barman "that is there for the taking for anyone who can 1: Drink a full bottle of tequila in two minutes, 2: Go into that cage over there with a lion inside and pull a thorn from the lions foot and 3: finally go upstairs and make love to a 100 year old woman". The three agree to try the challenge. The first man drinks half the tequila he collapses drunk. The second guy downs the tequila and staggers to the lion cage. The door is closed and there is a quick scream as he is mauled by the lion. He rushes out of the cage, heart pounding and closes the door. The third man drinks the tequila and stumbles towards the lion's cage. The door is closed behind him and almost immediately there are the most spine curdling screams and shouts coming from the cage which lasts all of ten minutes. There is banging up against the sides of the box and everything and then silence. The man emerges battered, bleeding and torn - "Now" he says " where is that lady with the thorn in her foot?". [/quote] LOL that was clever, rep for you! Ok, 2 jokes this time: 1) As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!". 2) One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden. "You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have s*x all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..." Next morning the little man wakes the woman up. "Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies "F*ck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~{Rochster}~ Posted May 30, 2011 Report Share Posted May 30, 2011 Ha! Your jokes never get old. WARNING... ILLOGICAL JOKE!!! One day, 3 terrorists hijacked a plane. Each had one weapon; a gun, a grenade, and a knife. The first terrorist came up to these two kids that were crying. He asked them why they were crying. "Our mom just died and we're going to her funeral." The terrorist was touched and threw the gun outside the plane's window. The second terrorist came up to a couple crying their eyes out. He asked them why they were crying. "Our sons died and we're going to their funerals." The terrorist was touched and threw his grenade out the window. The next terrorist came up to a person cracking up. He asked why he was NOT crying. "I farted and that house blew up!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyng's Old Account Posted May 30, 2011 Report Share Posted May 30, 2011 OMG LOL! It took some time but when I got it LOL! (by the way, I ain't blonde (BURN!) ) [u]Have an appetizer:[/u] How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave. [u]Ok, now the main course![/u] A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard." [u]And finally your dessert:[/u] There are four kinds of s*x : HOUSE S*X - When you are newly married and have s*x all over the house in every room. BEDROOM S*X - After you have been married for a while, you only have s*x in the bedroom. HALL S*X - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "F*CK YOU" COURTROOM S*X - When your wife and her lawyer f*ck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got. [b][Please note: I do [u]not[/u] feel this way towards women. I have the utmost respect for every woman on the planet as [u]they are equal in every way as we are all human beings[/u]. My jokes are [u]not to offend or demonstrate my points of view[/u], but rather to [u]entertain[/u]. If you do feel offended by ANY of my jokes, I [u]apologize[/u].][/b] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~{Rochster}~ Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 What do you call a Mexican that lost his car? Carlos! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dokktorawesome Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 [quote name='Kyng of Ice' timestamp='1306718402' post='5240921'] Thanks! Anyone else who repped me let me know. I have a policy, rep for me, REP FOR YOU! Anyways, LOL-APOLOOZA! Now, feed on this: A little boy and his dad are driving in a car, untill a policeman pulls him over. The dad yells 'B*STARD!'. His son was curious as he had never heard of that word before. He said 'Dad, what does b*stard mean?' in all of his cute innocence. His father replies: 'It is just another word for "policeman", son.' They get home and his dad slips on the carpet. Crashing to the floor, he yells 'SH*T'. The little boy, once again curious, asks 'Dad, what does sh*t man?'. His dad replies: 'It is just another word for "carpet" son.' The little boy goes into the kitchen only to find his mum preparing the dinner. She was cutting the turkey when she accidentaly cut herself and yelled 'F*CKING'. Once again the little boy asks 'Mum, what does "f*cking" mean?' She responds saying 'It just means "cutting" son.' Then, later on, she starts climbing the stairs, untill she hit her head on the banister yelling 'B*LLOCKS'. Her son asked 'Mum, what does 'b*ll*cks' mean?' 'Well, it is just another word for "banister" son' she replies. There is a knock at the door: 'Hello, b*stard. Mind yourself over the sh*t. Mum's is f*cking the chicken and watch your head over the b*llocks.' [/quote] lol XD XD XD *is laughing hard* I gave you another +Rep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyng's Old Account Posted June 1, 2011 Report Share Posted June 1, 2011 @ ~{Rochster}~ : ZING! A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrent!". The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter." The penis outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dokktorawesome Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 @Kyng of Ice: lol I gave you another +rep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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