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Hello. Is this what the internet is like?

CrabHelmet

By CrabHelmet
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WilfordBrimley.jpg

 

I swear, you kids these days. I finally figure out how to get these newfangled internets working, and all I see is this crap everywhere. It's high time that I, Wilford Brimley, teach all you young scoundrels a lesson. Yessir, I'll show you- hey, you! You punk with the torn jeans! Get off of my lawn and get a damn job or something. Christ, what is the world coming to? We didn't have any of this crap back in my day, no sir. We didn't have these electronical gizmos, you know. We spent our free time working in the coal mines. We had to take crap out of the ground for sixty hours a week, and they didn't pay us more than a couple bucks each month. That was before we had all this crap with inflation. Jesus, you kids take your money for granted. You think you can just walk down to your local department store and get yourself some sort of computer thingy every day because your damn parents will spoil you by paying for it. Back when I was your age, we worked for our money, and we earned it with our bare hands. We didn't sit around all day posting crap on these "forums". It was my hard work and perseverance that made me into the person I am today, instead of some damn conman who gets thrown into prison, which would serve that punk over there right for wearing those ripped jeans.

 

But I digress. What was I talking about? It was something about torn jeans. See, if that damn skater punk hadn't interrupted me, this would never have happened. That punk will probably be thrown into jail soon, you hear? He's certainly a communist. What are all these damn communists doing on the internets, anyhow? Last time I checked, the internet belonged to America. We speak American on here, not Hawaiian or Mexican or British or whatever other damn language you can come up with. Christ, why are they letting these communists stay on America's computers, anyhow? You know, back in my day, we had public lynchings of those damn commies. I found out that my college roommate was a commie, and he would have been lynched if he hadn't already been thrown in jail for stealing some crap from that store. You know, the store that was selling that crap. You know the one. They probably sell teacups there too, which is British, which is practically a communist country anyhow. I hear they're full of skater punks too.

 

Back when I was young, we didn't shun people for discussing stuff either, unless they were discussing communism or some crap like that. No sir, I was involved in some heated debates in my day. Like that one where we argued over whether America should go enter the war. You know, the war with all the soldiers, and the fighting and stuff. And probably communists too. Except the communists later betrayed their own allies and joined the British. That just goes to show that you can't trust them. There were also those damn German communists who went around killing Polish communists. I argued strongly for America to enter the war, yes sir, and get rid of all those commies. And the war, of course, was a victory for America. Then those Russian communists betrayed us just liked they betrayed the German communists. I saw it coming for years, you know. Can't trust those communists. Anyhow, the point is that discussion can be damn good for a country, especially if it teaches those skater punks a lesson. Christ, why are there so many of them nowadays?

 

You know, I was telling another bunch of young scoundrels this the other day, and they complained that I was insulting them. Just because your view is crap doesn't mean that you're being insulted when someone like Wilford Brimley proves you wrong, no sir. Unless you're one of those damn punks who gets arrested for robbery and takes up space in American prisons that could be used on bigger threats, like Mexicans. Those foreigners are always stealing American jobs, which might be why America's youth is so crappy, because they couldn't get jobs even if they wanted to with all these Mexicans running around. Back in my day, Mexico was still ruled by France or some crappy European country like that. Those French people may have been un-American, but they kept those Mexicans in line, yes sir. You didn't see any Mexicans mining coal back then. But then the damn French ran away like they always do and America was stuck with people running across the border.

 

Jesus, there's so much crap on the internets, it's hard to know where to begin. The best thing to do is for everyone to just get a job as a coal miner, so you'll have some cash to spend on the damn pieces of cardboard that you punks pay such high prices to get.

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Ok, whatever kid, obviously from some of the posts you've made, you really aren't THAT old, unless you're just an old kid that acts like a kid but looks old and feels old but really is a kid.

 

Anyway, Sir Balderdash Von Reichinstein, I hope you enjoy you're time here, ol' bean.

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