Call of Duty MW2: The Abridged Series (Mission One S.U.C.D.G.)

[Sorrow.]

As the Topic Description says I made this out of complete boredom, if I get positive feedback I might just keep continuing. Now without further ado I present to you Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2: The Abridged Series.

[spoiler= Mission One: S.U.C.D.G. (Same Unrealistic Cod Different Game)]

Sgt. Foley and Pvt. Alan were training a bunch of Afghanistan Soldiers in Afghan, weird. Sgt. Foley was teaching all of them how to Aim Down their sights like an Army Ranger by using Pvt. Alan as a demonstration instead of doing it himself.

" Hello gentlemen we are here today to properly train you by showing you how to aim down the sights, even though most of you were trained OpFor operatives in the past," Sgt. Foley said to a bunch of Ex-OpFor soldiers who are now Army Rangers for apparently no reason. " Now Pvt. Allan here will now show you how all of you shoot like a god damn terrori-" Sgt. Foley said but paused because he said something very racial which angered the Afghanistian soldiers.

Pvt. Alan started firing at the targets without aiming down his sights which is considered bad in this one mission. Pvt. Allan used only one bullet per target yet Sgt. Foley disapproved.

" You see what happened? He sprayed bullets all over the damn place, he did not aim down his sights " Sgt. Foley said to the native crowd who were confused of the Sgt's remark.

" Um sir, he only used a bullet per target," one of the soldiers in the crowd said to the Sgt. who still was in denial.

" Oh just shut up, this mission was for people who haven't played this damn series yet which would be virtually nobody," Sgt. Foley snapped at the soldier who questioned his authority as a Sgt.

" Now Alan show these recruits how an Army Ranger does it, by aiming down your sights " Sgt. Foley said to Pvt. Alan who nodded, " Get into crouching stance and fire at the targets by aiming down your sights."

Pvt. Alan aimed down the sights and shot the targets one by one getting all of them down which was more important than surviving in a fire fight,and this time Sgt. Foley approved.

" Now that is how we do it, by aiming down your sights," Sgt. Foley said to the group of still confused Afghanistan soldiers, " But you can also pop in and out of targets by aiming down your sights rapidly, show them how it's down Private go and aim down your sights."

Pvt. Alan did as Sgt. Foley instructed him to do and did so, he popped in and out of the targets just as his commanding officer said. This is probably because he had auto ai-, uh nevermind what I just said. Anyways Sgt. Foley started clapping for the Private.

" Excellent job Private! Aiming down your sights is very key to Army Ranger code," Sgt. Foley said proudly, " If your target is behind a thin material like a piece of cardboard or something that is thin your bullets will penetrate through the wood and into your target. Now aim down your sights Pvt. and penetrate that wood and enter that cardboard, oh it'll take it."

Alan looked at Foley with a disgusted look on his face, [i] Really? You are seriously going to say that around men.[/i] He shook his head and turned around. A piece of Cardboard popped up in front of a target. Alan shot at the target but it did not go down, he shot at it once more yet it still did not go down he roared and sprayed bullets into the target which wasn't going down. He looked over at Foley who was shaking his head in disapproval.

" You did not aim down your sights like this tutorial has informed you to," Sgt. Foley said to the confused private," Now aim down the sights."

Alan sighed and did as his Sgt. instructed him to do, he aimed down his sights and shot at the target. Sgt. Foley nodded with approval this time, " Very good private you aimed down your sights!"

Alan rolled his eyes with disapproval, " What ever you say Sarge".

Foley slapped Alan across the face like a girl, " What are you doing!?! You are not suppose to talk while you are the playable character! Good god man you don't do that ever, every playable character is a silent war hero."

Alan rubbed his check and groaned in pain because of Foley's epic lady slap. The Afghani audience was now very confused and were speechless.

Sgt. Foley shook his head and turned his attention back to training the " Newbie Recruits". " Now Pvt. Allan here will show all of you newbies how to throw a grenade," Sgt. Foley said to all of the confused soldiers.

" Um, don't you just pull the pin and throw it?" asked the same person who got scolded for asking such a ridiculous question in the past.

" Pull the pin and throw it? That is not how we do it in the Army Rangers! Tsk Tsk!" Sgt. Foley scolded the soldier who was even more confused. " Why do you care, your just an AI you'll probably just die in battle unlike us, were the main characters in this series none of us are gonna die! Aint that right Pvt. Alan?"

He nodded in approval as if saying that he is one of the Main Characters so he can't die. That is where he is horribly wrong. Oh wait did I just spoil it for you? Oh damn I'm sorry I won't ruin anything else for you no longer.... Roach and Ghost die on the mission Loose Ends.

Sgt. Foley was randomly aiming at the floor with his M4A1, " Yes! Aiming down the sights is so Ranger like, I feel so badass! I mean um oh right throwing grenades. Yes um, Pvt.. Alan you gotta aim down the grenade pull the pin with your teeth and throw it at the targets which randomly fall down instead of turning in debris. That makes completely no sense, thank god the Multiplayer is realistic in this game!"

Suddenly it switches scenes to Rust and we see somebody fall off a three story structure and survive, lol Commando Pro how unrealistic.

Then the scene switches back to the Afghanistian base and we see Sgt. Foley look down at the ground in disappointment.

Pvt. Alan walked up to the grenades and picked them up and threw it at the targets which of course fell down to the ground on explosion.

" There we go! See that's how us Americans do it!" Sgt. Foley said at the Afghanistan troopers," But think twice before throwing a grenade up a hill they tend to roll down back to you!"

" Oh right like us natives don't understand common physics you damn Americans believe that we have no logic just because we're from Afghanistan", A soldier in the crowd of observers said.

" Sorry, I don't speak retard," Sgt. Foley said to the smart ass who rolled his eyes. " Anyways Pvt. you need to report to Gen. Shepard, he wants to see if you got the skill to leave the Rangers to join some Alpha Soldiers, he wanted you to report 30 minutes ago but training soldiers who will never be seen through out the whole game is more important then joining the best squad in the world!"

Pvt. Alan walked away with disgust of his Sgt. he walked passed some soldiers who were playing basketball, eating chocolate, and updating their Facebook statuses on their phones. He finally came to a ramp which led down into a pit called The Pit. [i] Wow is Infinity Ward this pathetic? I mean seriously Midway might sue Infinity Ward![/i] Pvt. Alan thought to himself and went to meet a white man messing with his gun, how dirty. That man was Cpl. Dunn, who seemed really depressed right now.

" Hey Private pick up that pistol," Corporal Dunn instructed Alan who did what he was told like a good boy," Now switch to your rifle."

Private Alan did what he was told yet again, by now you can tell that he does what ever somebody tells him to.

" Ok now switch back to your pistol, did you see what you did there?" Dunn told him," As pointless at that was switching to your pistol is always faster than reloading always faster than reloading."

Again the scene changes to a Multiplayer character reloading quickly, lol Sleight of Hand.

" Alright since we got that covered just hurry up and pick your gun and enter the training course," Corporal Dunn told the Private with a very depressed look on his face, then he started bickering about how being a Ranger sucks and how killing sucks and how being alive sucks.

Private Alan headed on to the course but before he left he asked Dunn, " Why so emo Dunn?"

The Cpl. wasn't paying attention and he was cutting his wrists with his combat knife but once he heard his name he looked at Alan and asked," What?"

The private shook his head and went in the training course.

" Shoot the targets!" Dunn said through an intercom which he magically received as three cardboard cut outs of OpFor soldiers popped up.

This confused Alan for a second but he snapped out of it and starting firing at the targets, he advanced and shot at all OpFor targets but accidentally shot a Civilian cardboard cut out.

" OH MY GOD ALAN! YOU JUST SHOT HIM DEAD! HE WAS INNOCENT I TELL YOU INNOCENT" Dunn shouted into the intercom while tears came out of his eyes.

Private Alan snickered and went inside the building and shot all the targets once again but he had to reload.

" Hey! Switching to your pistol is faster than reloading! But then again your going to have to reload your pistol.. Oh just switch your pistol!" Dunn said with a confused voice.

Private Alan did what he was told and switched to his pistol, he listens to everything you say doesn't he? He went up the stair but a cardboard hostile popped out, the picture looked as if it was saying Surprise B*tch! Which scared Private Alan making him fall down the stairs like a pansy. He went back up and shot at the cardboard cut out but it did not go down. " What the hell is going on!" Alan yelled for Cpl Dunn.

Cpl Dunn. was reading a booklet that was titled " How To Inform Soldiers During A Training Course Instead Of Debriefing Them Before They Start". He put his mouth next to the intercom and spoke," Step Four... Mmmhmm... Oh your suppose to Melee with your Knife!"

Private Alan did so and continued shooting down the targets that popped up. He jumped down a story but stopped what he was doing and was in pain because he jumped so far down with out bending his knees. He started bickering and cursing at himself which wasted 10 seconds of his time. Finally he finished the course and ended with the time of 59.99 second.

" Pretty good soldier even though you fell down a couple of steps, shot a civilian, and paused in pain you did it better than anyone else in this base," Corporal Dunn said to Alan as he was patting him on the back.

Private Alan went up the ramp and heard a siren and somebody from the intercom inform everybody that there was attack happening and that everyone needed to drop what they were doing and go! Private Alan got into a car and left.
[/spoiler]

More will come if I get positive feedback like I've said before.

[Sorrow.]

BUMP

[Makο]

This seems like it was written as a script. Was it?

[Sorrow.]

It does seem to sound like a Script but it isn't I just added witty things in their for the hell of it.

[ThatPhantomGuy]

Huh. Pretty good, pretty good. It had some very funny parts, and some not-so funny ones too. Like what Sabotage said, it seems almost like a script. BUT overall it was a good read. One thing to make this a better read is to write more than just dialogue, I know it can be annoying, but its worth it in the end.

I'm not sure about how much feedback you'll be getting though, usually comedy fics don't last too long 'round here. You can count me as a reader though. ^^

[Sorrow.]

Well dialogue is key to hysterical media but I'll try to throw in something else.. Thanks for the comments.

[ThatPhantomGuy]

True, it really is. But don't forget actions sometimes speak louder than words. For instance:

[i]Joe the solder walked into the middle of the raging battlefield and spotted a stupid looking guy wearing a ski mask and bath towel as a turban. The bath towel guy spotted Joe a second later and they both began to open fire on each other only ten feet apart. They kept firing at each other for about fifteen minutes before Joe finally aimed down his sights and got a headshot off the bath towel-wearing terrorist.[/i]

See? Funny right? Sometimes its not as powerful as dialogue, but it sure can be a funny add-in.