Piercer of the Heavens Posted April 23, 2011 Report Share Posted April 23, 2011 This is my first Fan Fic that will have an actual story to it. I made another one, but it was just a random duel to see how good my writing is. It sucked, but after i spent a while reading some Fan Fics and checking out how to make good stories. So...I hope you guys enjoy this one. Also if you have any constructive criticism please post so I can improve this Fan Fic. Also if you guys just want to rate please post as well. Also I'm not much of a writer so the chapter may be a little short. [spoiler=Prologue]"In the world known as Earth, humans ended up being the dominant species of the planet. From the early ages they played what is now known as The Dark Games. It was a game where one would summon monsters and then do battle in a turn based style. As humanity grew, the game changed with it. Now, these beast are mere cards that almost everyone in the world has. This game is called Yu-Gi-Oh, but it was not always fun; in the beginning a group known as the Fallen Angels used this game to almost take over the world. They failed, as the legend said that a girl was born. She was suppose to have great power inside of her and she needed to be taken to a temple, whos origins are also unknown. It was said that when she entered she would never come out, but that humanity would be saved from the Fallen Angels. It was said that a young warrior, who was a skilled Yu-Gi-Oh player, escorted her to the temple. Throughout the whole way The Fallen Angels tried to stop them, dueling was the way to settle thing. This great warrior never lost a single duel against the Fallen Angels. When he reached the temple he was faced by a great opponent, the leader of the Fallen Angels. He almost lost, but manage to defeat the leader and successfully escort the girl to the temple. It is said that every 500 years this event repeats itself and has many times. Yet no one has ever found away to stop this cha-" Ding!The school bell had rung, which meant that class was over. "Alright kids" the teacher said as the kids left. "We'll finish this story tomorrow, come prepared." All the kids rushed out of the class, the last one was a boy named Jaime. He was 17 and it was his senior year in high school. He had white hair that reached to the bottom of his face in length, but of course it wasn't in front of his face. He also had blue eyes and wore glasses. His clothing was nothing special, all it was was a long sleeved button shirt. As well as a tie and some black pants. "So you really think that story is true" Fernando, one of Jaime's friends, said."I mean really i know this whole world is run by this card game, but come on." Fernando and Jaime walked down a hall decorated with many yu-gi-oh related stuff. "Nah dude" Jaime replied back. "That's all bull and if by any chance it was real I wouldn't need to worry about." Both Jaime and Fernando laughed "Yeah, your right" Fernando said hitting Jaime in his shoulder. "You haven't won one duel since you entered this school. I'm pretty sure that even the freshman are better than-" "Get away" Someone screamed interrupting Fernando. Both Jaime and Fernando looked around to see who it was. It was the best duelist of the school, Micheal. He had short curly black hair,brown eyes and wore a black T-shirt with some camo colored pants along with his steel toed boots. He was hitting on a girl named Jeniffer. She had a slender figure and had palish skin. She had beautiful long black hair and wore a plain black shirt with some blue jeans. "Oh, come on" Mecheal said to her. "How come you don't want to get with the best duelist around." Jeniffer looked away trying to get Micheal's face away from hers. "Dude leave her alone" Jaime yelled. "She doesn't want-" "Stupid" Fernando told Jaime as he wacked him on the head. "You know you will end up getting in a duel and end up losing" Fernando then looked at Micheal and told him "So..sorry, he didn't mean it, he goes crazy sometimes." Micheal then walked up to Fernando and told him "No, just for that I'm challenging y-" "You're challenging me" Jaime said. "So get ready to lose" Micheal got a giant smile on his face and then backed away putting his deck into his duel disk. "Alright then" Micheal said, "Since you're trying to be a hero if you win, which you won't, I stop bothering her. But if you lose you wont just let me do what I was doing, but you'll do whatever I want for the rest of the week" Jaime didn't say anything, all he did was nod. "Well then prepare to become my slave" Micheal said as both duelist raised their duel disk. Jaime:8000__________Micheal:8000 [/spoiler] [spoiler=Ch. 1]"I'll be a good sport" Micheal told Jaime. "So I'll let you make the first move." Jaime drew his putting it with the rest of the cards in his hand."Come on dude" Fernando yelled out. "This is your time to finally win one duel." Jaime looked at Fernando and said, "Is that suppose to be an insult or something to get me motivated, well whatever, first I'll play a set a monster and and play one face down" Two cards appeared, one being horizontal and the other vertical. "That's all" Micheal said. "You got to do better than that if you plan on defeating me." Micheal drew his card and then summoned a monster. "Now come on out Mezuki.[ATK: 1700 DEF: 800]" A humanoid horse holding an ax rose from the ground looking as if it wanted to kill someone. "Now Mezuki attack his face-down monster." Mezuki ran toward Jaime's set monster slicing it in half, reveling an angel with white robes and golden wings. "To e-" "Not so fast" Jaime interrupted Micheal. "You destroyed my Shining Angel which allows me to summon one Light monster as long as its attack is 1500 or less." Jaime searched his deck deciding who to summon. He finally chose one and played it in attack position. "I choose my Petite Fairy: Rock Crusher.[ATK: 800 DEF: 400]" A ninja like fairy appeared out of a brown light. It was purplish and had this glowing cape." Thats all" Micheal yelled. "That little fairy can't do s*** to my monster. But I can't do anything else so I end my turn." "Now I draw" Jaime said as he looked at his drawn card. "I'll summon my Petite Fairy: Helping Warrior[ATK: 1000 DEF: 500]" Another fairy came out, but this time from a green light. Its wings were light green, it wore light armor, held a sword and a small shield. "What?!" Micheal yelled as he started laughing. "How are two weak monsters like that going to help you." "Like this" Jaime said as Petite Fairy: Helping warrior turned into a green light that surrounded Petite Fairy: Rock Crusher." You see, by tributing my Helping Warrior I can have one Fairy monster gain 1000 attack points[Rock Crusher ATK: 800-->1800]. Now my Rock Crusher attack his Mezuki" Petite Fairy: Rock Crusher flew right in front of Mezuki punching it right in the face making it shatter into pieces. Jaime 8000__________Micheal 7900 "Now I'll end my turn by playing a face-down." Jaime said. The green light that surrounded Petite Fairy: Rock Crusher faded away once Jaime's turn ended. "My turn then" Micheal said as he drew his card. "Ill start of by summoning Zombie Master[ATK: 1800 DEF: 0]" A person came out with old ripped clothes and white long hair. "By sending my Sangan to the graveyard I can Special Summon my Mezuki from the graveyard." Zombie Master sent out purple lines of energy into the ground pulling up Mezuki from it. "Now my monster will clean the floor with you" "Not so fast" Jaime interrupted once again. "I'm activating my trap card Path of Light. If this card is activated during your turn you can not select monsters with Petite Fairy in their name as attack targets." Rings of light surrounded Petite Fairy: Rock Crusher protecting it from attacks. "Then I'll end my turn" Micheal said in a pissed of voice. "I draw" Jaime said. "and i play the spell Child's Prayer. If you control 1 or more monsters than I do I can special summon one monster from my hand that includes Petite Fairy in its name. So I summon Petite Fairy: Double Barrel[ATK: 700 DEF: 800]" A fairy with a cowgirl outfit appeared from an orange light holding a giant revolver in each hand. "Now I normal summon Petite Fairy: Savior[ATK: 900 DEF: 700]" Another fairy appeared from a red light but in a red marching band outfit and holding lances in each hand. "Wow" Micheal said laughing. "How are monsters like that going to help you." "Like this" Jaime said as he activated the last card in his hand. "Now I activate Energy of the Pure and equip it to Savior[ATK: 900-->1900]." An orb of golden light appeared and went into Petite Fairy: Savior. "To add to that I now tribute my Double Barrel to allow my Savior to attack twice." Petite Fairy: Double Barrel turned into an orange light surrounding Petite Fairy: Savior. "Now Savior attack hi Zombie master first and then Mezuki." Savior flew in front of Zombie Master cutting it in half and then toward Mezuki cutting him as well making both shatter into pieces. Jaime 8000_________Micheal 7600 "Now Rock Crusher attack directly" Jaime yelled out. Rock Crusher flew toward Micheal smacking him right in the face. Jaime 8000__________Micheal 6800 "Thats does it for me" Jaime said as he pointed to Micheal. Fernando, in the sidelines, was amazed that Jaime was actually defeating the best duelist in the school. "Don't get cocky" Micheal said as he drew his card.." Ill activate Foolish Burial which allows me to send one monster card from my deck to the graveyard." Micheal picked out his was vampire Lord. "Now by removing my Mezuki from play I can special summon my Vampire Lord[ATK: 2000 DEF: 1500]. That's not all, you see by removing from play my Vampire Lord I can Special Summon my Vampire Genesis[ATK: 3000 DEF: 2100]" This hideous urple vampire appeared scaring Jaime and many other that started watching the duel. "Now I'll activate my Lightning Vortex by sending my Pyramid Turtle from my hand to the graveyard." Lightning appeared from the sky torching both fairies on the field, but yet two different fairies in defense mode appeared in there place. "What!" Micheal yelled out in anger. "How did you summon those monsters?" "If you ever paid attention to my duels, even though I always lost," Jaime replied back." when my Petite Fairy monster get destroyed either by battle or card effect I can summon other Petite Fairy monsters to take there place and the ones I chose where 2 more Helping Warriors." Now two more Helping Warriors stood there defending Jaime. "No matter" Micheal said. "Now I activate Book of Life which lets me bring back Zombie Master and remove from play you Savior" Zombie Master now stood alongside Vampire Genesis. "I'll also normal summon Goblin Zombie" Micheal added. An undead goblin appeared holding a sword in his left hand."Now my Vampire Genesis attack" Micheal yelled out. "Not so fast" Jaime yelled back. "I activate my trap card that has been set since the beginning of the duel, Coming to Aid. Now when a level 3 or lower monster is selected as an attack target I can special summon one level 5 or higher monster from my deck and all your monsters have to attack it, but the drawback is that it is destroyed at the end phase. So I choose Splendid Venus[ATK: 2800 DEF: 2400]." An Angel wearing orange armor and holding a staff appeared. It had 4 beautiful white wings. "It's to weak to defend against my Vampire Genesis " Micheal said. "No its not" Jaime said. "Its ability decreases the attack and defense of all non-fairy monsters by 500. So you Vampire Genesis is now weaker than my monster." Vampire Genesis rushed toward Splendid Venus getting hit by her staff and shattering. Jaime 8000__________Micheal 6500 Then both Zombie Master and Goblin Zombie attacked Splendid Venus both meeting the same faith as Vampire Genesis. Jaime 8000__________Micheal 2800 "No!No!No!" Micheal yelled out as splendid Venus disappeared. "You can't beat me" He started swinging his arms wildly and stomping at the ground. "Well then i guess it's my turn" Jaime said as he drew his card. "Now I activate Monster Reborn to bring back my savior." Petite Angel: Savior now stood in the middle of the two Petite Fairy: Helping Warrior. They all looked at each other and smiled. "Now my Petite Fairies attack his life points directly and win this duel." Jaime yelled out with joy. All three fairies flew toward stabbing him and reducing his life points to zero. Micheal then fell to his knees. Jaime 8000__________Micheal 0 "Yes" Fernando yelled. "You actually defeated Micheal. I don't know how, but you did it." Fernando ran toward Jaime side patting him him on the back. Then Jeniffer walked toward Jaime giving him a hug. "I knew you could do it" Jeniffer said as she spoke for the first time since the incident started. "I knew you were never weak." "Well of course" Jaime replied back. "I just never needed to win, so I never tried." [/spoiler] [spoiler=Ch. 2]The crowd that had gathered during the duel started to disappear as well as Jeniffer. "I didn't even know you could actually duel that good." Fernando said. "Why didn't you ever duel like that before. You could of been the best here, even though this is one of the worst schools." In fact the school they were going to was rated a 1 star school, 12 being the best. No great duelist ever came out of schools like that. "I never had a reason to win" Jaime replied back with a smile on his face. "As well that I didn't want to get all that fame from the other students that Micheal was getting." "But what I really want to know is why you stood up for Jeniffer." Fernando said with a confused look on his face. "You never stand up for anyone, not even yourself." Both Fernando and Jaime started walking home with a silence. "Dude?" Fernando said. "Why aren't you answering my question." "You really want to know" Jaime said. "It's cause I like her, I like her a lot. Since freshman year I've liked her and I don't know what took over back there." Jaime looked down at the floor trying to avoid eye contact with Fernando. "I knew it" Fernando said. "I never wanted to say anything about it, but I knew you liked her." At that point Jaime and Fernando reach the point where they go their separate ways to go home. Usually they would bump fist and say their see you tomorrow, but this time Jaime just walked his way leaving Fernando with his fist in the air. [i]Why did I do that[/i] Jaime thought to himself as he kept walking home. Along the way Jaime bumped into someone, dropping hid deck on the floor, but he didn't see who it was. By the time he looked back to apologize to the man the he disappeared. He was no where in sight." Who was that" Jaime mumbled to himself as he picked up his cards."Whatever, not like I care who it was." A few minutes later Jaime got home and he decided to do his regular stuff. That night Jaime had trouble going to sleep so he decided to make strategies with his deck. He shuffled his deck and then drew 5 cards figuring what options he had with them. Instead of putting back the card in the deck he put them in a different pile drawing another 5 cards. He spent about an hour doing this, but before he reached his last five cards he had one of the longest yawns he has ever had. "Whoa" Jaime whispered to himself. "That must be a new record in yawning. Well its time to go to sleep." Jaime picked up the cards and then shuffled them, which he then left his deck on a small table next to him and then fell a sleep. "You will never be able to achieve it. You'll never be able to succeed. The world will turn to ashes all because of your failure." a mysterious voice said. A shadow started to appear on he floor of Jaime's room, coming out of it was this foul creature. It looked humanoid, but it was all dark with these shadowy wings on its back that looked as if they were melting. Its face couldn't be seen do to the darkness engulfing the room. "Now you will suffer in the darkness" the mysterious voice spoke once again. The creature reached it hand over Jaime's head touching him on the forehead. Jaime awoke to see this creature in his room. "Ahhhhhhhh" Jaime screamed. Jaime then opened his eyes awaking from hi horrible nightmare. [i]What was that thing[/i] Jaime thought to himself as he cleared the sweat from his forehead with his blanket.[i] And why would I even have a dream like that. No matter[/i]."I'm late to school" Jaime screamed out as he looked at the time.He raced around his room getting his clothes to get dressed. As he left his room he almost forgot his deck so went back to his room. He ran outside not even saying bye to his mom who was in the kitchen. As he ran he still kept thinking about the nightmare he had and before he knew it he was in front of the school. "Sorry I'm late" Jaime yelled as he entered his first period class, Dueling Education. "Whoa, who's this guy" There was a man that Jaime had never seen before standing in front of the other students. He was a tall slender man who had spiked up black hair. He wore a black Zoot Suit outfit, which made him look chicano, but he didn't look like it. "Well hello there." the man said to Jaime. "Please come in, I'll use you as an example." Jaime was still lost on what was going on, but he decided to go a long with it. "Please get your duel disk ready" the man said. "Alright then" Jaime replied back. "If it's a duel you want it's a duel you'll get get. Don't think I'm going easy on you." Now that everybody had seen Jaime duel there was no reason for Jaime to hold back anymore. [i]I still don't know whats going on here, but whatever it is I better win[/i], Jaime thought to himself. "But before we begin what is your name" The strange man said. "Before you say your name, I'll introduce myself first. I'm Octavio Krapes." "If you really want to know my name is Jaime, Jaime Garcia" Jaime replied back. "Duel begin" Octavio and Jaime yelled. Jaime 8000__________Octavio 8000 "I'll take the spotlight first." Octavio said as he drew the card.[/spoiler] Also I'm going to need help creating characters so of course here's an app so you can put the characters info. But before that, please don't just post an app because you can. Only post one if you actually like the story. [spoiler=App]Name:(obvious) Age:(obvious) Sex:(obvios) Side:(Fallen Angels, Jaime's, or neutral) Appearance:(A picture or a 3 line minimum description.) Persanality:(2 lines minimum) Background:(I hate writing this so you don't need a long one. 2 lines should enough.) Deck Tpye:(what type of deck does he/she use. You can use custom cards, but if you do use them post a link to where I can see them or post them here in a spoiler. Also I'm going to need a deck list which you can pm me or post in a spoiler. Strategy:(2 lines minimum) Other:(Anything extra you would like to add)[/spoiler] Custom cards Jaime uses are located [url="http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/247026-petite-fairiesyou-guys-are-being-fooled-by-the-name-arent-you/"]here[/url] *NOTE* I don't know if your going to like this, but I'm not going to say if your character will be in my Fan Fic. You'll just need to keep reading to fond out, but don't worry if they are good apps they'll be used. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piercer of the Heavens Posted April 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2011 bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsianGuy1137 Posted April 25, 2011 Report Share Posted April 25, 2011 I've read your fanfic. So far, it's short and to the point, which could be a good or bad thing depending on what you're aiming for. I don't feel like the characters get adequate characterization, but it's only the first chapter. You're saving the reader from spending time reading on what I consider to be excess detail that doesn't really contribute to the story like many fanfics do by describing almost every single interaction and speck of detail possible. However, if you manage to combine good, crisp storytelling with relevant and interesting details, your fanfic could become much better. Explore the backgrounds of the characters and their reasons for pursuing the courses of action they always do, and if that's what you're already doing, make it more relatable by having someone like the Jaime's best friend describe why Jaime is acting so impulsively. A fanfic with realistically relatable and interesting characters helps interest the readers, regardless of the setting or plot of the story. Now moving on to the duel... [quote][ATK: 1800 DEF: 0][/quote] Slight mistake, Zombie Master has 1900 ATK. [quote] Coming to Aid[/quote] Definitely broken as it lets the player bring out a beatstick and drain the opponent's monsters. I think restricting it to a Fairy-type monster exclusively might balance it a little more. [quote]Then both Zombie Master and Goblin Zombie attacked Splendid Venus both meeting the same faith as Vampire Genesis. [/quote] I guess this one's not important, but Goblin Zombie's effect is mandatory meaning Michael should've added something to his hand. So far, Jaime's Petite Fairies are pretty interesting. Let's see what other tricks they can pull off. One complaint about the supposedly best duelist of the school, if he's the best, don't you think he should at least be able to have some kind of strategy for defense instead of being an aggro-focused rusher that can't even pull off true swarm-rushing without using themed Monster Reborns? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piercer of the Heavens Posted April 25, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 25, 2011 Thanks for the feedback dude. This is the stuff I need to make my Fan Fic a lot better so it doesn't die. But I'm just not the best writer so yeah. Either way I appreciate your feedback and try to incorporated when I write the rest of it. As for Micheal being the best its just Jaime would actually be the best, but he never tries since he has no reason to win. I also forgot bout the effect of Goblin Zombie when writing it, but it probably wouldn't of made much diffrence. And also Micheals deck is based of my friends deck which really has no defense at all. It's all attack. Zombie Master really is 1800 ATK I just checked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piercer of the Heavens Posted April 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 27, 2011 bump if anyone cares Ch. 3 is in progress. I'm trying to make it longer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garthfunkle Vii Backwards Posted May 3, 2011 Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 Name: Shinnosuke "Fugi Baka" Nohara Age:16 ??? (well that sort of fit i guess ....) Sex:Male Side: NEW SIDE : "Followship of Bloodthers" (instead of "[B]bro[/B]thers" its "[B]blood[/B]thers") Appearance: [IMG]http://api.ning.com/files/1Ie59SJTLRpVHNmPDHkdT1-AYRxdV2GvVqNQDPiMJQBYHGogv5vNeSh9pUnS-WR-koM88N16ySytHFlhOcHZMHQhpPNRuQLJ/IshikawaGoemonXIII2.jpg[/IMG] Persanality: he has a very loyal side but he He continually displays a lack of tact when talking to adults asking such questions as "How many people have you killed?" to tough looking men or, "When are you going to die?" to elderly people.He also makes trouble for others and then criticizes their efforts in covering for him. In general, he is brutally honest, highly curious, and has no shame whatsoever, he really hates money he allway seems just discard it when ever possible Background: he grew up poor he was allways alone when he around he hated being in a cowrd he seem to have knack to rely on the strangest tatics which led to multiple fights but he allways wins because of his wierd tatic he hates guns because of the raids that they use to do in his old neighbor hood when as soon he had a chance to leave his old nieghbor hood now he travels all around he duels for his food and all ways carries his kanata that has the name "Karuma Hanta-" but he claims he did not name the kanata this but the kanata name it self Deck Type: he uses a basic dark type "Elite" / Elite Summon" Deck http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/248728-i-will-give-reps-for-comments-the-new-wave-of-the-future/ use use Elite Monsters and Sychro Monsters (i will send you the deck list very soon) Strategy: he uses a weird tatic but he allways seems to draw what he needs when he needs it i guess because how he duels and the combonations he does seem weird but packs a mean punch Other: he loves ramen (he has a habit of putting what other consider wierd into his ramen example he has mix ramen with milk then add green bell peppers with slices of apples he some to know about this wierd habbit but doesnt seem to care because he eats it what he makes) he is also allergic to chocolate he has a very big sweet tooth and reads all kinds of shonen typ mangas he love american comedians like jim carey adam sandler dane cook (even though he japanese) he can read english but can not write it and he has some problem when he specks it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piercer of the Heavens Posted May 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2011 For anyone who really cares and are waiting for chapter 3 it may take a while. Its getting close to the end of school, so I have final exams and final projects keeping me busy most of the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garthfunkle Vii Backwards Posted May 4, 2011 Report Share Posted May 4, 2011 [quote name='monkeylife2' timestamp='1304430617' post='5185823'] For anyone who really cares and are waiting for chapter 3 it may take a while. Its getting close to the end of school, so I have final exams and final projects keeping me busy most of the time. [/quote] we all go thought that (like every year) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Blaze Posted May 4, 2011 Report Share Posted May 4, 2011 I personally thought that the Fallen Angels were kind of like the Titans from the Percy Jackson series, stripped of power and trying to regain it through people's dreams. The writing style sounded a bit too abrupt to me (one random thing moving directly into another), but I like where you're going with this. I found several, if not many, grammatical errors, which I assume were caused by typing the story directly without proofreading. If you don't mind my asking, is there a reason for the protagonist to be of Hispanic descent, unlike the typical Japanese? Here is my app. Name: Jose Santos Age:17 Sex:Male Side:Jaime's [spoiler='Appearance'][img]http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs42/i/2009/120/1/5/Guitar_boy_by_Maye1a.jpg[/img][/spoiler] Persanality:He is a love-sick teenager who always tries to get girls. He tries to attract females, who constantly refuse him. He often acts like the cool type until he is in the presence of a girl that he likes. He plays the guitar and piano, which are skills he believes are necessary for finding love. He shares a love for Jennifer with Jaime, and so, they frequently argue in a comedic way. Background:He comes from a relatively poor family. With his mother dead and his father constantly drunk, he has little knowledge of proper manners and etiquette. When he was young, he was tutored in dueling by his older brother, who is currently a homeless person on the street after spending all his money and failing to become a pro duelist. He enrolled in whatever school he is in right now and is the second best duelist. His goal is to continue his brother's lost dream and become a champion (mostly to get girls). Deck Tpye: Hmmm. Let's have him use something feminine like Fortune Ladies (he likes to look at their pictures). [spoiler='Deck List'] 3x Fortune Lady Light 2x Fortune Lady Dark 2x Fortune Lady Water 2x Fortune Lady Fire 2x Fortune Lady Wind 2x Fortune Lady Earth 1x Sangan 3x Cyber Valley 1x Catoblepas and the Witch of Fate 2x Delta Flyer Spells: 3x Future Visions 1x Terraforming 2x Gold Sarcophagus 2x Fortune's Future 2x Magical Dimension 1x Monster Reborn 1x Dark Hole 2x Nobleman of Crossout Traps: 1x Call of the Haunted 2x Bending Destiny 2x Dimensional Prison 3x Compulsory Evacuation Device[/spoiler] Strategy: If you don't know the Fortune Lady strategy, it is basically a swarm/lockdown/beatdown deck. He plays the guitar during his duels and talks to girls on the sidelines to distract and provoke his opponent while overwhelming them. Other: His favorite color is pink (a thing to have in common with girls). His favorite food is French fries. He always eats a mint before talking to a girl. He can hide roses anywhere in his body (to charm girls). I really have no idea where this story is going to go, so I won't know how this character might be implemented (if you even bother to look at it). I am not the best in characterization, but this is just something I thought might add to the directness of the plot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piercer of the Heavens Posted May 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2011 There really is no reason for him being of Hispanic descent. If there is one its probably because I like that name. Also I did bother to look at it, but I still don't have much time to write it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garthfunkle Vii Backwards Posted May 7, 2011 Report Share Posted May 7, 2011 did you read mine monkeylife2 ??? my character seem okay i guess [Spoiler=the deck list you wanted] the deck list you wanted [Spoiler=Main Deck] Main Deck [Spoiler=monster] Monsters total = 25 Warrior of Wabummava X2 Dragon of Wabummava X2 Eduj Rerrot Deffensive X2 Eduj Rerrot Heart X2 Eduj Rerrot Hero X2 Eduj Rerrot Zero X2 Eduj Rerrot One X2 Eduj Rerrot Offensive X2 blackwing - gale the whirlwind X2 dark resonator X2 marauding captain X1 dark grepher X2 counselor lily X1 drill synchron X1 [/Spoiler] [Spoiler=Spells and Traps] Spells and traps total = 15 Eduj Rerrot Spirit Of Mercy X3 Eduj Rerrot Fortress X 3 Pot of greed x1 monster reborn X1 GAINT TUNADE x1 magicial clyinder x3 trap hole x3 [/Spoiler] main deck total = 40 [/Spoiler] [Spoiler=Extra Deck] Extra Deck Sinfull Justice Bringer - Wayuru X 2 Gaint Visor Fiend Of Nigwok X 3 Dark Elitist Dragon X2 Goyo Duardian X 2 Gaint Visor Beast Gear Of Nigwok X 3 Gaia Force Of The Earth X2 Colossal Fighter X 1 extra deck total = 15 [/Spoiler] [Spoiler=FOR REFENCE ONLY] [Spoiler=Eduj Rerrot Heart] [img]http://img851.imageshack.us/img851/1120/354645.jpg[/img] Eduj Rerrot Heart effect this is Treated as a Machine type monster while in Hand Field or Graveyard. When this card is removed from the field Special Summon 1 each of "Eduj Rerrot Hero", "Eduj Rerrot Zero", "Eduj Rerrot One", "Eduj Rerrot Offensive", and "Eduj Rerrot Defensive" in Attack Postion from your hand, Deck, or Graveyard. [/Spoiler] [Spoiler=Eduj Rerrot Hero] [img]http://img218.imageshack.us/img218/2117/354645u.jpg[/img] Eduj Rerrot Hero effect this is Treated as a Machine type monster while in Hand Field or Graveyard. This card gains the ATK, DEF, and effects of all "Eduj Rerrot" monsters you control. Once per turn, you can equip 1 Exceed Monster your opponent controls to this card. This card gains its ATK. When this card is removed from the field, destroy all monsters you control. [/Spoiler] [Spoiler=Eduj Rerrot Zero] [img]http://img849.imageshack.us/img849/3858/354645j.jpg[/img] Eduj Rerrot Zero effect this is Treated as a Machine type monster while in Hand Field or Graveyard. Once per turn, you can Special Summon 1 Level 4 "Eduj Rerrot" monster from your Graveyard. [/Spoiler] [Spoiler=Eduj Rerrot One] [img]http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/1120/354645.jpg[/img] Eduj Rerrot One effect this is Treated as a Machine type monster while in Hand Field or Graveyard. This card is unaffected by the effects of Spell and Trap Cards [/Spoiler] [Spoiler=Eduj Rerrot Offensive] [img]http://img195.imageshack.us/img195/1120/354645.jpg[/img] Eduj Rerrot Offensive effect this is Treated as a Machine type monster while in Hand Field or Graveyard. When this card destroys a monster by battle, inflict 600 damage to your opponent. [/Spoiler] [Spoiler=Eduj Rerrot Deffensive] [img]http://img857.imageshack.us/img857/1120/354645.jpg[/img] Eduj Rerrot Deffensive effect this is Treated as a Machine type monster while in Hand Field or Graveyard.When 1 monster you control would be targeted by a card effect or destroyed, you can have this card be targeted/destroyed instead. Once per turn, you can Special Summon 1 Level 4 "Eduj Rerrot" monster from your Deck. [/Spoiler] [Spoiler=Eduj Rerrot Fortress] [img]http://img405.imageshack.us/img405/7263/354645i.jpg[/img] Eduj Rerrot Fortress effect This card gains the following effects depending on what face up monster is on the Field. •Fiend type monster : During the your End Phase both players sends the top cards of their Deck to the Graveyard equal to the number of Fiend type monsters on the Field .•Machine type monster : During the your End Phase both players lose Life Points equal to the number of Machine type monsters on the Field X 200 [/Spoiler] [Spoiler=Eduj Rerrot Spirit Of Mercy] [img]http://img96.imageshack.us/img96/1120/354645.jpg[/img] Eduj Rerrot Spirit Of Mercy effect This card gains the following effects depending on what face up monster is on the Field. •Fiend type monster : During the your Stanby Phase you can return cards in the Graveyard to the top card of your Deck equal to the number of Fiend type monsters on the Field .•Machine type monster : During the your Standby Phase you gain Life Points equal to the number of Machine type monsters on the Field X 300 [/Spoiler] how to Elite Summon Elite Monsters resides in you Extra Deck Elite Monsters DO NOT USE LEVELS OR RANKS THEY USE ELITE POINTS (haha yeah i went there man) its like exceed but instead of just levels it also involve types as well but the other kick is that 1 of the 2 monsters have to be face up on your side of the field and the other monster have to be in your graveyard. when you Elite Summon the 2 monster used as Elite Material are return to your deck then your deck is shuffled. all Elite Monsters have this Effect and at the end of the Effect when their ATK and Def is 0 THEY GAIN A EFFECT THAT UNQUIE TO EACH ELITE MONSTERS When this is elite summon from your extra deck send it to the Graveyard. If your opponent has more cards in their hand than you do, you can discard all cards in your hand until you have 1 to Special Summon this card from your Graveyard. When this card is Special Summoned by this effect, reduce its ATK and DEF to 0. When this Monster ATK and DEF is 0 this card gain the following Effects : with out delay here the first elite monster (yeah yeah its a dragon i know but its sort of a "signer dragon" if you will) [Spoiler=Dark Elitist Dragon] [IMG]http://i55.tinypic.com/2e4xkko.jpg[/IMG] Dark Elitist Dragon effect 1 Lv 4 Dragon Type monster 1 Lv 4 Dragon Type monster When this is Elite Summon from your Extra Deck send it to the Graveyard. If your Opponent has more cards in their hand than you do, you can discard all cards in your hand until you have 1 to Special Summon this card from your Graveyard. When this card is Special Summoned by this effect, reduce its ATK and DEF to 0. When this Monster ATK and DEF is 0 this card gain the following Effects : all monster (Except this card) on the Field ATK is reduce to 0, then this card gains ATK equal to half of the combined ATK loss due to this card's effect until End of Turn. [/Spoiler] [Spoiler=Sinfull Justice Bringer - Wayuru] [IMG]http://i55.tinypic.com/wm0yg9.jpg[/IMG] Sinfull Justice Bringer - Wayuru effect 1 Lv 4 Warrior Type monster 1 Lv 4 Warrior Type monster When this is Elite Summon from your Extra Deck send it to the Graveyard. If your Opponent has more cards in their hand than you do, you can discard all cards in your hand until you have 1 to Special Summon this card from your Graveyard. When this card is Special Summoned by this effect, reduce its ATK and DEF to 0. When this Monster ATK and DEF is 0 this card gain the following Effects : Once Per Turn this card gain ATK equal to the combine number of your Deck, your Extra Deck, your Opponent's Deck and, your Opponent's Extra Deck X 50 until the End Phase. during your End Phase if this card's ATK is more than 3000 you can return this to your Extra Deck then your Opponent lose Life Points equal to Half of this card's ATK when it was sent to the Extra Deck by this Effect if you use this effect you must skip your next Battle Phase. [/Spoiler] [Spoiler=Gaint Visor Beast Gear Of Nigwok] [IMG]http://i53.tinypic.com/5jwwlz.jpg[/IMG] Gaint Visor Beast Gear Of Nigwok effect 1 Level 4 Machine Type monster 1 Level 4 Machine Type monster When this is Elite Summon from your Extra Deck send it to the Graveyard. If your Opponent has more cards in their hand than you do, you can discard all cards in your hand until you have 1 to Special Summon this card from your Graveyard. When this card is Special Summoned by this effect, reduce its ATK and DEF to 0. When this Monster ATK and DEF is 0 this card gain the following Effects : this monster can not be destoryed in Battle (normal battle damage does applied) Once Per Turn this card gain 2 Elite Points (this card can only up to 12 Elite Points) your Opponent loses Life Points equal to the combined Levels and Elitle Points of all Face Up monsters on the Field X 50 [/Spoiler] [Spoiler=Gaint Visor Fiend Of Nigwok] [IMG]http://i54.tinypic.com/nmc22q.jpg[/IMG] Gaint Visor Fiend Of Nigwok effect 1 Level 4 Fiend Type monster 1 Level 4 Fiend Type monster When this is Elite Summon from your Extra Deck send it to the Graveyard. If your Opponent has more cards in their hand than you do, you can discard all cards in your hand until you have 1 to Special Summon this card from your Graveyard. When this card is Special Summoned by this effect, reduce its ATK and DEF to 0. When this Monster ATK and DEF is 0 this card gain the following Effects : this monster can not be destoryed in Battle (normal battle damage does applied) you can remove from play your entire deck execpt one card. this card gains ATK equal to the number of cards remove from playe by this effect x 200 until End of Turn. [/Spoiler] [Spoiler=Warrior of Wabummava] [img]http://img585.imageshack.us/img585/1120/354645.jpg[/img] Warrior of Wabummava effect if you have a face up Level 4 DARK Dragon type monster on your side of the field you can Special Summon this from your Hand if this card is Specail Summon by this effect Send 1 face up Level 4 DARK Dragon type monster on your side of the Field to you Deck then your Deck is shuffled. When this is removed form the Field Special Summon 1 Level 4 DARK Dragon type monster. [/Spoiler] [Spoiler=Dragon of Wabummava] [img]http://img153.imageshack.us/img153/1120/354645.jpg[/img] Dragon of Wabummava effect if you have a face up Level 4 DARK Warrior type monster on your side of the field you can Special Summon this from your Hand if this card is Specail Summon by this effect Send 1 face up Level 4 DARK Warrior type monster on your side of the Field to you Deck then your Deck is shuffled. When this is removed form the Field Special Summon 1 Level 4 DARK Warrior type monster. [/Spoiler] [/Spoiler] [/Spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Blaze Posted May 8, 2011 Report Share Posted May 8, 2011 Herman, I really wouldn't suggest you create a new type of summoning, just because it is not YOUR story. I mean, what if monkeylife had something else in mind? Don't take it the wrong way. Elite Monsters look pretty cool. But in my opinion, you just shouldn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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