My Death God (shinigami) Book Series

[RaltZ]

Hey YCM! I'm starting a book series about mythological death gods based on several different mythology. I don't have a name yet, but here's the plot of the story.

In the Underworld, the ruler of the death gods is Lord Death. He also has his brother, Decay, and his sister, Despair, ruling along side him. Despair has the duty of severing the link between a human's body and soul, and guiding them to the Underworld. Decay eats away at a human's dead body after the soul is removed. One night in Tokyo, Japan, while Despair was guiding souls to the Underworld, she encounters a woman and a man who were shot and murdered in an alleyway. After she guides their souls (using an incantation, she notices a little boy a few feet away from the corpses shaking. It was the man and woman's son. He too had been shot, and she sees that the link between his soul is almost completely severed, being held together by only a thread. Feeling pity on the boy, she decides to sew together the link with some of the thread from her dress. Because the dress was made in the Underworld, the boy becomes a death god. When Despair returned to the Underworld, Death knew of what she did. Unable to cut the soul link of a death god (because death gods are immortal), Death instead places 3 curses on the boy. The first curse is that he can no longer see. The second curse is that he can feel the suffering of other people around him. The third and final curse, is that if any human get's close to the boy emotionally, that human will die. Because of these curses, Death gave him the name Plague. 10 years after these events, when Plague is 14, he is broken out of his orphanage by Sorrow, the daughter of Despair, and taken to Shinoshima, an island near Japan, where class 4 death gods, the lowest class, are able to live in peace away from humans (only class 1-3 death gods are able to live in the Underworld). There he learns about his past and who he is, and is enrolled in Shinoshima High School, a high school for teenage death gods.

That's all I have so far. I need a name for the book, and names for other characters. The names for the characters have to relate to death and suffering. I already have the names Deat, Despair and Decay (the three main gods/goddesses), Sin Solemnity and Sorrow (daughters of Despair), Pain Panic and Peril (sons of Death), Rot Ruin and Remnants (sons of Decay), and Wrath, Greed, Pride, Gluttony, Lust, Sloth, and Envy (sons and daughters of Sin). If you have any character ideas or ideas for a title, please post it on this topic. Thanks!

[Tentacruel]

So he's a death god that's blind, feels emo ALL THE TIME, and anyone who gets close to him dies.


In other words, there can't possibly be a plot? To be honest, I'd make a few changes, but that's just me.



Anyways, cool story bro, but it's like, really really emo.

[RaltZ]

[quote name='ADHD-Guitar' timestamp='1303261332' post='5152962']
So he's a death god that's blind, feels emo ALL THE TIME, and anyone who gets close to him dies.


In other words, there can't possibly be a plot? To be honest, I'd make a few changes, but that's just me.



Anyways, cool story bro, but it's like, really really emo.
[/quote]
Actually it's any HUMAN that gets close to him dies. He can be around other death gods. It's not that he feels emo all the time, he can just sense other people's feelings. I'm thinking that the plot should be about how someone is trying to kill Plague. Thanks for the tips, but what should I change?

[quote name='ADHD-Guitar' timestamp='1303261332' post='5152962']
So he's a death god that's blind, feels emo ALL THE TIME, and anyone who gets close to him dies.


In other words, there can't possibly be a plot? To be honest, I'd make a few changes, but that's just me.



Anyways, cool story bro, but it's like, really really emo.
[/quote]
It's a work in progress still. This is like Draft .01. I still have to work out the kinks and come up with all the characters.

One thing I'm thinking about changing is that all memory of that night and before was wiped from his memory. All he remembers is being in the orphanage. When Sorrow tells him about his past, all she tell's him is about how Despair saved him, the curses, and his name, Plague.

[DARKPLANT RISING]

...One question. How are you going to make it even slightly good without description?

[RaltZ]

[quote name='Darkplant' timestamp='1303291719' post='5153861']
...One question. How are you going to make it even slightly good without description?
[/quote]
Make what slightly good? The story? The character? What I have here is just the basic idea, and I'm going to work from this idea.

[DARKPLANT RISING]

Without sight you can't describe the characters. The story will all be told by someone else's mouth, considering the circumstances, and a know-it-all divine someone talking about every plot device in the story is always tedious.

I see no reason why you should rob the main character's eyesight. That's not the originality you're hoping it would be. Originality comes from the plot and characters.

[Tentacruel]

I agree with Darkplant, give the main character a different handicap. Maybe a Superman/Kryptonite-esque weakness, only not so Deus Ex Machina.

[RaltZ]

Yeah, i was thinking the same thing. Having him be blind will be too hard to have. One thing im adding is that every death god will have a death sythe (weapon) for themselves. One thing i dont want is the story to be too dark. Im thinking of not calling them death gods, but calling them shinigami or grim reapers. What do you think?

[Umbra]

[quote name='gpuatu' timestamp='1303394042' post='5156684']
Yeah, i was thinking the same thing. Having him be blind will be too hard to have. One thing im adding is that every death god will have a death sythe (weapon) for themselves. One thing i dont want is the story to be too dark. Im thinking of not calling them death gods, but calling them shinigami or grim reapers. What do you think?
[/quote]

You have a main protagonist whose parents were killed in front of his eyes, brought back from near death by a goddess named DESPAIR, cursed three times by DEATH ITSELF, sent off to some remote island with people just like him, except they're not cursed because apparently Death is okay with them (what's up with that anyway?). Yes, the main protagonist is an orphan that's bullied by Death.

And you think changing the name of the group from "death gods" to what is practically a synonym will make the story any less dark.

I believe that the statement speaks for itself.

[RaltZ]

[quote name='Umbra' timestamp='1303400232' post='5156858']
You have a main protagonist whose parents were killed in front of his eyes, brought back from near death by a goddess named DESPAIR, cursed three times by DEATH ITSELF, sent off to some remote island with people just like him, except they're not cursed because apparently Death is okay with them (what's up with that anyway?). Yes, the main protagonist is an orphan that's bullied by Death.

And you think changing the name of the group from "death gods" to what is practically a synonym will make the story any less dark.

I believe that the statement speaks for itself.
[/quote]
Hmmm.... Your right. Well then, what do you think would make it less dark?

[Umbra]

Well, it's a pretty dark premise by itself, so you'd have to change a lot.

• Instead of being orphaned, maybe the kid was in an accident, and was on the verge of death that way. When Despair found him, she decided to make him a Death God that way.
• Scrap the curses; they don't really make sense, and they don't add anything to the story.
• If you're going to use English names for everything, you might as well set it in an English-speaking country.

[RaltZ]

[quote name='Umbra' timestamp='1303423241' post='5157478']
Well, it's a pretty dark premise by itself, so you'd have to change a lot.

• Instead of being orphaned, maybe the kid was in an accident, and was on the verge of death that way. When Despair found him, she decided to make him a Death God that way.
• Scrap the curses; they don't really make sense, and they don't add anything to the story.
• If you're going to use English names for everything, you might as well set it in an English-speaking country.
[/quote]
Thanks for the tips! Oh but one thing I'm going to keep is that if he gets close to a human, instead of them dying, they just get sick or something. But i'm going to scrap the other two curses because they just complicate things. And I think I'll set it in America then, because it makes more sense. Again, thanks a ton for the tips!

[DARKPLANT RISING]

I'd simply name them "Grims".

[Makο]

[quote name='gpuatu' timestamp='1303259583' post='5152855']
Hey YCM! I'm starting a book series about mythological death gods based on several different mythology. I don't have a name yet, but here's the plot of the story.


In the Underworld, the ruler of the death gods is Lord Death.

[b]A bit cliché, but continue.[/b]

He also has his brother, Decay, and his sister, Despair, ruling along side him.


Despair has the duty of severing the link between a human's body and soul,and guiding them to the Underworld. Decay eats away at a human's dead body after the soul is removed.

[b]I fail to see how Despair has anything to do with the soul, but the Decay thing is a good idea.[/b]

One night in Tokyo, Japan,

[b]Why do most original stories on this website end up here?[/b]

while Despair was guiding souls to the Underworld, she encounters a woman and a man who were shot and murdered in an alleyway.

[b]I take it details behind said murder will be revealed later on. Also, when someone is shot, doesn't that sort of imply that they were murdered? Oh wait, this isn't the story itself.[/b]

After she guides their souls (using an incantation,

[b]Was this an accidental parentheses, because it confused me. Also, you cut off the after she guided part.[/b]

she notices a little boy a few feet away from the corpses shaking. It was the man and woman's son. He too had been shot, and she sees that the link between his soul is almost completely severed, being held together by only a thread.

[b]Thread of what? Wait, no, it must just be a metaphor or something.[/b]

Feeling pity on the boy, she decides to sew together the link with some of the thread from her dress.

[b]Or...not?[/b]

Because the dress was made in the Underworld, the boy becomes a death god.

[b]Just one question...why?[/b]

When Despair returned to the Underworld, Death knew of what she did.
Unable to cut the soul link of a death god (because death gods are immortal), Death instead places 3 curses on the boy.

The first curse is that he can no longer see. The second curse is that he can feel the suffering of other people around him. The third and final curse, is that if any human get's close to the boy emotionally, that human will die. Because of these curses, Death gave him the name Plague.

[b]Interesting curses, actually. The name is fitting as well.[/b]

10 years after these events, when Plague is 14, he is broken out of his orphanage by Sorrow, the daughter of Despair, and taken to Shinoshima, an island near Japan, where class 4 death gods, the lowest class, are able to live in peace away from humans (only class 1-3 death gods are able to live in the Underworld).

[b]Is there some sort of cloaking field keeping the island secret or something? Because humans typically like to explore every ounce of earth, and since it's near Japan, it wouldn't be too hard to spot.[/b]

There he learns about his past and who he is, and is enrolled in Shinoshima High School, a high school for teenage death gods.

[b]A high school...for teenage...death...gods...



:/


So, I take it the whole soul thread thing happens often?[/b]

That's all I have so far. I need a name for the book, and names for other characters. The names for the characters have to relate to death and suffering. I already have the names Deat, Despair and Decay (the three main gods/goddesses), Sin Solemnity and Sorrow (daughters of Despair), Pain Panic and Peril (sons of Death), Rot Ruin and Remnants (sons of Decay), and Wrath, Greed, Pride, Gluttony, Lust, Sloth, and Envy (sons and daughters of Sin). If you have any character ideas or ideas for a title, please post it on this topic. Thanks!

[b]Well, this should create an interesting story, to say the least. I'm actually a bit looking forward to it.


Not too many criticisms, aside from the fact that some of stuff here is pretty cliché.[/b]
[/quote]



^My opinions that came immediately to mind. Mostly questions.

[Tourmaline]

[quote name='gpuatu' timestamp='1303479306' post='5159072']
Thanks for the tips! Oh but one thing I'm going to keep is that if he gets close to a human, instead of them dying, they just get sick or something. But i'm going to scrap the other two curses because they just complicate things. And I think I'll set it in America then, because it makes more sense. Again, thanks a ton for the tips!
[/quote]


Make the entire story just a big allusion to Jesus, while the true meaning of the entire work would be an anti-messiah and anti-Christian message.

Unless...You don't really understand how reading is really done, in literature.

[Makο]

[quote name='Hinagiku Katsura' timestamp='1303801401' post='5169284']
Make the entire story just a big allusion to Jesus, while the true meaning of the entire work would be an anti-messiah and anti-Christian message.

Unless...You don't really understand how reading is really done, in literature.
[/quote]


I know Gpuatu personally. We're IRL friends.



We're both Christians.


Try again.

[Tentacruel]

[quote name='Hinagiku Katsura' timestamp='1303801401' post='5169284']
Make the entire story just a big allusion to Jesus, while the true meaning of the entire work would be an anti-messiah and anti-Christian message.
[/quote]

Cool story bro.jpg

That crap usually doesn't work, as it involves changing whatever you're ranting about to make it seem worse than it is.

It's like if I wrote an anti-Semitic book and in the story "The Jews" had taken over the economy and we're enveloping the world in Communism. Nobody in their right mind would write or read something like that....

Owait...

Anyway, an anti-anything message is only relevant if you present that anything as it actually is.

[RaltZ]

Here's an updated story.
There are three different realms on this planet. The Overworld, where the Elementals live, the Middle World, where humans live, and the Underworld, where Grim Reapers and demons live. The most powerful of all the Grim's is Death. Every 100 years, Death passes his title onto a human, and they become the new Death(each death used to be human). Near the end of Death XIX's reign(they started numbering each Death in 0 AD) a new Death was to be chosen. But when Death went to find the one who would take his place, he couldn't find him. Each incarnation of Death can locate the next one because they are born with a single strand of a Grim's soul link. Because he couldn't find hik, he was presumed dead, so Death XIX had to rule another hundred years to wait for the next incarnation (though each Death holds a great amount of power, they hold with them the burden of every human life, and must manage each human's lfe force, when they live and when they die). In that time, a Grim named Despair, a Class 1 Grim(one of the three strongest Grims above Decay, and below Death), was collecting souls and bringing them to the Underworld to live. During this, she encounters a 4 year old human boy who was lying near a car crash. Both his parents were dead, and their souls were floating over their bodies, with their soul links severed. But the boy's soul was still attached by only a thread. Feeling pity on the boy, she sewed his soul back together with thread from the Underworld. This turns the boy into a Grim himself, and makes him the adopted son of Despair. The Inferno Witch, the one who gives every Grim their name and power, gives the boy the name Plague, and the ability which makes humans who get close to him sick. Despair puts Plague under the care of the Inferno Witch for 10 years so that Death can't find out about the boy (saving humans was taboo for Grims and Death would have killed Plague if he found out). The Inferno Witch during the 10 years placed a spell on Plague so Death could not sense the boy (casting a spell to hide the boy from Death would take a long time to do). She hid him in an orphanage until he was 14. On April 28, 2010, Plague's 14th birthday, Sorrow, the 3rd daughter of Despair, comes to the orphanage and takes Plague to Insula Morte, a hidden island of the coast of Maine, where class 4 Grims live. She takes him there so he can be with others like him, and learn about Grims. He is taken care of by Pride, one of the sons of Sin, daughter of Despair, and is enrolled in Insula Morte High School. There he learns Grim Reaper History, how to read write and talk in Latin (Latin is the language used by Grim's to write and say incantations or spells, but most Grims talk to others in English), and how to use their Death Scythes (the weapon given to each Grim to defend themselves from rogue demons or Grims. Though the weapon is called a Death Scythe, not all of the weapons are literally scythes. It's referring to the kind of weapon Death wields, a Scythe. The weapon can be anything). He also meets two friends. He meets a guy named Nightmare (Night for short) and a girl named Wallow (nicknamed Willow because she hates the name Wallow). Class 2 and lower Grims only have names and abilities that deal with pain and suffering in humans, while Class 1 Grims, Despair Decay and Death, all have to do with dying. Though most of the Grim's live in peace, there is a lot of unrest. The demons are unhappy with how things are in the Underworld. Their leader, Daemones, is plotting something to overthrow Death. Not much is known about the Elementals. They don't talk with Grims or demons. The four kinds of Elementals are the Ignes (fire), the Aqui (water), the Terris (earth), and the Ventis.
So that’s the more detailed version of it. YOU MAY NOT COPY ANYTHING FROM THIS STORY AND USE IT, SELL IT, OR CLAIM IT AS YOUR OWN! Just don’t want anyone stealing my idea. Now i will list the heirarchy of the Grim's.

The 3 top Grims are Death, Despair, and Decay. There is Pain, Panic, and Peril, sons of Death, Sin, Solemnity, and Sorrow, daughters of Despair, Rot, Ruin, and Remnants, sons of Decay, and Plague, the adopted son of Despair. There is Wrath, Greed, Pride, and Gluttoney, sons of Sin, and Lust Sloth and Envy, daughters of Sin. There are more Class 3 Grims that are loosely related to Class 2 Grims, and there are a lot of Class 4, which I can’t list. So that’s what I have now. What do you think?


[quote name='Hinagiku Katsura' timestamp='1303801401' post='5169284']
Make the entire story just a big allusion to Jesus, while the true meaning of the entire work would be an anti-messiah and anti-Christian message.

Unless...You don't really understand how reading is really done, in literature.
[/quote]
Uh, I'm not trying to be anti-messiah, I'm just making up my own mythology. I'm also christian.

[quote name='ADHD-Guitar' timestamp='1303832488' post='5169690']
Cool story bro.jpg

That crap usually doesn't work, as it involves changing whatever you're ranting about to make it seem worse than it is.

It's like if I wrote an anti-Semitic book and in the story "The Jews" had taken over the economy and we're enveloping the world in Communism. Nobody in their right mind would write or read something like that....

Owait...

Anyway, an anti-anything message is only relevant if you present that anything as it actually is.
[/quote]
Look, it's not anti-anything. I just want to make a cool story from a made up mythology of mine. I'm not going against any religion or anything.

[quote name='Darkplant' timestamp='1303551818' post='5161346']
I'd simply name them "Grims".
[/quote]
THANK YOU SO MUCH! This was one of the best tips i got!

[quote name='Sabotage' timestamp='1303803911' post='5169295']
I know Gpuatu personally. We're IRL friends.



We're both Christians.


Try again.
[/quote]
thank you Mako!

Okay, so i have the story, but do you have an idea for a name?

[Makο]

...Hmm...

I..don't know...


I honestly have no idea for a name. Maybe you could look up the Latin name for...something...and use that?



Also, in some comments in this thread, we weren't even talking to you. AD-HD and I were talking to Hinagiku.