rolling girl~ (3)

[Clair]

[quote name='Dark' timestamp='1303105528' post='5147705']
[i]Anime-ish? Could you go into a bit more detail? Is that good or bad? xD[/i]

I listened to the video on the first post and it sounded like "Anime". As I said, that is probably a terrible description of what Vocaloids are, and I'm entirely sure that I'm incorrect, but in my mind, I can describe Vocaloids as "Anime" and know what I'm talking about. I am at a loss for words on how to describe it. I think Fenrir said it was the Japanese AutoTune, but... eh.

[b]But is it good or bad, in your opinion? o:[/b]

[i]How do you know she likes Kaito?[/i]

PLOT TWIST!? The way she looked at Kaito when she got up from falling made it seem like she was longing for his help or attention, and when she talked to that new girl about how Kaito is the most popular kid in school, you wrote it with a tone of resentment on Miku's part. I don't know, that's the air I got from Miku. If it turns out that she doesn't like him, I'd be pretty shocked, but at least it would be interesting. Makes me wonder what Kaito's role in the storyline is going to be.

[i]Sorry... I still need to work on a lot of things, right?[/i]

I think you are taking my criticism the wrong way. I didn't intend to bash your writing style, and chances are I couldn't have written a better fanfiction. I consider you a good friend and I was trying to help you improve, and you know me well enough to know that my criticism is bitter and truthful. I feel like you were almost being [i]sarcastic[/i] in a sense during your replies to my criticism, almost as if you were hurt and just wanted to put on an air of "happiness" to please me. If you don't find my criticism to be viable or legitimate, that's fine, and I understand. I'm not the best writer, and I probably got a few things wrong in my criticism of you. I just pointed out whatever I saw as incorrect. I'm still worked up over the fact that you sounded saddened or mellowed by my post.

[b]Pah, I wasn't trying to put on an act at all. I really like your reviews, since they're always very painfully honest. I need a wake-up call once in awhile, you know? I'm not just trying to please you, your review really helped me as a writer and helped me to realize my little mistakes. However, I admit that I felt a bit hurt by your way of speaking at times. Heh, I just need to grow up. xD[/b]

[i]I'm no JK Rowling, buddy. ;D[/i]

Fair enough, but would it kill you to make your fanfictions a bit more interesting? D:

In your defense, this is the only fanfiction of yours that I've read, and I know you wrote others as while Fenrir and I were looking for fanfictions for our review thread, I saw a few Pokemon ones by you.

[b]You read "Descent into Darkness", didn't you? Sorry... I'll try my hardest to spice things up, but I can't really bend the fic to suit just your tastes. I have somewhat of a plot already in mind. xD[/b]

[i]you would think I'm a pampered little princess who gets flooded with good reviews because of my prior status[/i]

Now you are just putting words into my mouth. I said that people who posted "5/5" or "good job" were giving you good rates because you are Clair. You can't deny that you are a popular member, and I don't care if it is fanfiction, people are going to be riding your dick regardless. Maybe it's just me, but I find it wholly useless and disappointing when people ONLY post good things about an art piece, or a literature piece, or a graphic piece. It almost seems as if people get +1s in fanfiction by posting nothing but senseless praise. I'm not saying fanfiction writers aren't worthy of praise, but if these people actually read the chapter, I can assure you they'd find something wrong with it, no matter how minor or trivial. Maybe I'm stuck in an idealistic world where everyone has something constructive to say, I don't know.

[b]Thank you for clarifying, I understand now. ^^

And I owe you one for paying so much attention to the fic thus far.[/b]
[/quote]


[quote name='Rarity' timestamp='1303145097' post='5148759']
[center]我々の時間を無駄にしていただきありがとうございます

[url=http://tindeck.com/listen/sfnu]Click here to listen to [b]darkmmxii_2011.04.16.Sat.22.44.44.mp3[/b][/url][/center]
[/quote]

sweeeeet.

Thank you!

[Dark]

[i]But is it good or bad, in your opinion? o:[/i]

I can't really say. I don't find Anime that stimulating, but I don't it bad. I don't associate a positive or negative connotation with "Anime", so if I consider Vocaloid something like Anime, it's not good or bad in my mind. It sounds like Japanese pop music, really.

[i]You read "Descent into Darkness", didn't you? Sorry... I'll try my hardest to spice things up, but I can't really bend the fic to suit just your tastes. I have somewhat of a plot already in mind. xD[/i]

And I never asked you to change the plot. So far the plot is developing slowly, but maybe if you threw in a plot twist somewhere, or you just spiced up how you present the plot, it would become more interesting. Believe, I hate telling people what to write about, but I don't mind telling them how to write. I understand you have a plot, but it seems so heavily based on Anime cliches and really unoriginal material. Hopefully in Chapter 3 something is shaken. You questioned how I knew that Miku likes Kaito, and I was taken a bit aback by that. If for some reason she didn't like him, that would be an interesting plot twist and force me to re-analyze the story.

[Blake]

Still like it, Clair-chan ^^ Keep goin'.

[Clair]

Thanks for all your responses, guys. ^^

Chapter 3 update with me going on three hours of sleep. Hopefully you won't be disappointed. ><;

[Yang Xiao-Long]

[s]Chapter 3 made me feel more awkward due to my previous name.[/s]

Really nice update, Clair^^
So now we know the origin of the nickname, why everyone makes fun of her, and why everyone likes Kaito.
I can't wait for more chapters, Clair. Keep up the great work! [color="#FFFFFF"]Oh, and SHMILY ;D[/color]

[Dark]

Such a drastic change in quality from Chapters 1 and 2 to Chapter 3. Honestly, it was too drastic of a change. xD

[i]drop the honorifics[/i]

Tell me that wasn't for Fenrir. Tell me you did not succumb to Fenrir. trololo

A few things. Loved how the backstory was extremely short, but I feel like more plot development could have happened in the chapter. No matter, it ended at a pretty good place, and I don't blame you for kind of making this chapter "shorter" (at least, it felt shorter). The first three or four paragraphs were kind of... boring, but once the backstory started, it took me a bit by surprise. I kind of expected the "love you" notes once Miku started explaining, but it was still pretty refreshing to see a "plot twist". I can't get over how short the backstory was. I honestly thought I would have to read through paragraphs of endless backstory. You did an amazing job at making it really concise.

The backstory also really helped develop Kaito and Miku's characters. Now we see that Kaito, more than we did in Chapter 1 and 2, is really just a violent person with a ton of power, and Miku is pretty gullible, trusting, but also kind of opressed. I'm fairly sure this was intentional, but I love how you put Miku, the hated girl, and the new girl (still can't remember her effing name), the loved girl, together. Not only does it add to the suspense (does Kaito's love of the new girl overcome his hatred of Miku), but it makes for a pretty interesting chain of events.

I [b]didn't[/b] like how, I don't know, "arrogant" or "simple minded" you made the new girl out to be. She's really blunt and almost insensitive to a point, and possibly reminds me of Chapter 1/2 Kaito. Maybe you're trying to make a point with this, I don't know, but I feel like it doesn't suit her. And I'm not under the stereotype that girl characters should be fluffy and lovable, just that it doesn't seem realistic, her character and her speech. Maybe it's just me.

Great job on this chapter, honestly.

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

Short chapter is short, but contained a fair bit of information/backstory and was nicely written.

It's getting like an anime-soap, but not a trashy/bitchslappy/full of drunk yobs sleeping with everyone evening TV soap that I can't for the life of me get why people watch (ie. Enders, Corrie, Hollyoaks)

It's a light-hearted, cheery, dealing with issues between besties but it will 'all work out in the end' mid afternoon soap. Like Neighbours, which is good.

It's not all guns and explosions and card-games-to-the-death, it's not meant to be, it doesn't need to be. But this story does draw out emotions because it is engrossing reading, regardless of writing quality or action. I do want to give Miku a big cuddle. And I do want to kick Kaito's head in (I wanted to from the go, not just for raping her) because your writing does envoke that sort of thing. In me anyway.

The teacher is starting to freak me out a bit though Suspisous mind.

There are still issues which could be improved on, just going into a little more detail becuase it does seem a little 100mph. Would like in time some other characters to be intro'd to give the Miku-Kaito-Luka some rest and add another dimension, possibly a light hearted side story. Just suggestions that you may have thought about anyway.

That's about as in depth as I can go now, but keep writing WHAT YOU WANT TO WRITE. Tell the story you want to tell.

[Twig]

Question, do I have to know Vocaloid stuff to read this? =/

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

[quote name='Twig' timestamp='1303576932' post='5161988']
Question, do I have to know Vocaloid stuff to read this? =/
[/quote]

I haven't the slightest clue what Vocaloids are and I'm enjoying it, and understanding everything pretty much.