Medialand Adventures [Episode 2-2 Up!]

[PikMan]

After extensive study of my previous dead fanfic, I decided to address some of the issues and add some backstory. Enjoy, and reviews are welcome!

[spoiler=Episode 1: It Begins]
[spoiler=Part 1: Leo Starts His Adventure]"Space. The final frontier. These are not the voyages of the Starship Enterprise... It's a spinoff game, so it's a different ship."

"If it's not the Enterprise, I'm not interested."

Braden left without another word.

Leo sighed. He couldn't believe that a TREKKIE, of all people, wouldn't want to see one of the most hyped Star Trek games of all. Friggin' purists.

Ah well, then, Leo thought as he went out for lunch. Worse things could happen to a normal teenager.

Leo had blonde hair, wore a green sweater and black sweatpants, and had glasses. He didn't really stand out much from others.

Suddenly, he spotted something out of the corner of his eye. It was a hooded figure who looked not unlike an Organization XIII member.

For some reason, after seeing Leo, the figure retreated into an alley. Leo gave chase. After catching up, he noticed that the figure was carrying a box.

"Who are you?" He asked.

"I am but a man who is obviously a bad guy and will never get his comeuppance in any future episode."

"Oh. So, what do you want?"

The man opened the box. Out came a large machine.

"This is an experimental bootleg video game console that can not only play games from any system, but can stream any kind of media. It also does audiobooks."

Leo ran off with it at the word "system".


The first thing he did when he got home was plug it into his TV. The game he decided to try it on was Super Smash Bros. Brawl.

After locating the Wii disc slot and Gamecube controller port, he turned on the power button.

He could never decide if this was a good thing or a bad thing, but the moment he pressed the button, Leo understood how it felt to be beamed somewhere.


After suffering a rather hard landing, Leo looked at his surroundings. It was surreal, all right. The sky seemed to be made of pixel blocks, and everything seemed to have a slightly lower polygon count.

He heard rustling in the grass behind him. He whipped around, and saw a small chicken who didn't have any wings (or arms of any kind, for that matter), was colored orange, and had 3 large feathers on top of its head.

Leo recognized it immediately as a Torchic.

That's when it hit him: The console had transported him into the world of media itself!

Leo ran over to a pond and looked at his reflection. He figured that he should either be a Mii or an Xbox Avatar.

He turned out to have become a Mii.

Turning his attention to the Torchic, he said "You can't talk, can you?"

"Torchic." It shook its head.

"I figured. I'm new here, so I was hoping for a guide of some sort. A walkthrough, if it's possible. An escape route, at least.

As Leo set off to explore, Torchic tagged along. It seemed to have taken a shine to Leo.

"You wanna come with me?"

"Torchic." It nodded.

"All right- We're off! Say, do you know where I could get a soda around here?"

Torchic nodded again, and sped off. Leo followed.


After what seemed to be an eternity, they finally reached what looked like a bar.

Two seconds later, Leo saw the word "Soda" on the sign.

"Oh, I get it- This is a 4Kids dub, isn't it?"

Torchic nodded sadly.

"Well, we may as well get something there."

They walked in and, to Leo's relief, it wasn't a beer bar. He could tell because he wasn't the youngest one there- A pink gumball-looking thing was seated there reading a newspaper. Leo guessed it was Kirby.

Leo sat down, and after helping Torchic up, introduced himself. "Name's Leo. I don't imagine you have a name."

Torchic shook his head.

"Hey, you're new around here, aren't you?"

Leo turned his attention to the bartender, who was a small girl about his age with dirty black hair, a green shirt and shorts, and disturbingly pale eyes. That must be Toph, Leo thought.

"Yeah, just got here an hour ago."

"We haven't had many Miis around here lately. I should know, I've been working here long enough to hear the voice of just about everyone in town. I never forget a voice, you know."

"Um... Town?"

"It's right down the road."

Leo felt stupid for not noticing the city just down the street.

"Look, I just want to know where I am and how I can get out."

"Well, we're in Medialand. If you need to get out, I know a guy who might be able to help you in that department, but unfortunately, he and I are not in the best of terms right now..."

"You mean Iggy, right?" Kirby put down the newspaper. "Word of advice, Leo, don't remind Toph about her little incident with Iggy."

"Why? What happened?" Leo asked.

"[i]Nobody knows[/i]".

"Could you take us to Iggy?"

"Well, it's not like I had any other plans."

So it was settled then- They were off to see Iggy.[/spoiler][spoiler=Part 2: The Koopa Genius]"Well, it took us two hours to get here, but that's still shorter than most Naruto fight sequences."

Leo and his companions had made it to the laboratory of Iggy Koopa. Leo knocked on the door.

"Hello?" Said a voice from inside.

"Um... Hi? I'm Leo, and I need your help."

Iggy opened the door. He was Iggy Koopa all right; Glasses, palmtree-shaped green hair, spiked green shell, the works.

He took an immediate interest in Torchic. "All right! Now I have a proper test subject!"

With that, Iggy dragged Torchic in.

"So far I've been beamed to a parallel dimension, befriended a Pokemon, asked a blind bartender for directions, and now Pokemon experimentation? Geez, louiz, what a day."

"Oh yeah, I just remembered", Kirby said. "It's required by law that every citizen must have a catchphrase. What's yours?"

"I dunno, I haven't decided... I'll just stick with "Geez louiz", if that's OK".


Iggy strapped Torchic to a table. "Don't worry, nothing will go wrong." With that, he pulled the switch.

"Um, quick question... What does that machine do, anyway?" Leo asked.

"I haven't the slightest idea!"

Suddenly, lightning covered Torchic.

After about 42 seconds, it stopped.

"So, uh, Torchic..." Iggy said. "Did anything change?"

Torchic looked at himself.

"Nothing seems different", he said.

In perfect English.

"Geez louiz! Torchic can speak!"

"Yeah. Great observation, Einstein", Torchic said, rolling his eyes. "Feels great, though."

Iggy looked at Leo. "So... what's your name?"

"I'm Leo."

"Well, Leo, what do you want?"

"I just want to get out of Medialand."

"Too bad... There's no way out. And incidentally, can I use you in another experiment next week? I'll make it as painless as possible."

"I guess..."

"In the meantime, you can stay at my apartment until you can find a job!"

"...Um, get a job? Are there child labor laws here?"

"Sadly, no. King Dedede doesn't really care about children."


That night, Leo entered the apartment. It wasn't much to look at. In the center there was a table with two of Iggy's brothers- Larry and Lemmy- playing a card game. What card game was it? Use your imagination.

"Larry? Lemmy? Let me introduce you to Leo, Torchic, and Kirby. They'll be staying here for a while."

"Great!" Lemmy said. He had a rainbow mohawk, but other than that looked like a miniature Iggy. "Larry just uses the same bland strategy over and over again."

Larry had blue hair that looked like a feather, but... yeah, he was Iggy's family all right.

"I know someone who can get you three a job", Larry said to Leo. "Until then, make yourself at home."


The next day, Leo applied for a job at a pizza joint run by Cloud Strife. (You should know what he looks like.)

"Name?" He asked.

"Leo."

"Last name?"

"The Mii."

"I just need your last name, not your middle name. Anyway, let's get this done quickly so I can go mope about Aerith for an hour. Now, according to your records, you have no records. Were you, in any way, acquainted with Sephiroth?"

"No."

"The Shinra Corporation?"

"No!"

"Any Final Fantasy villain?"

"Over the top Darth Vader NO!"

"OK, geez, I was just asking. Cuz let me tell you, I have seen some crap."

"So I heard."

"Anyway, allow me to introduce you to your co-workers."

Two people were elsewhere in the room. One of them wore a big yellow hat and blue cloak. You couldn't really see his face at all. Leo guessed he was a Black Mage.

The other was a girl with brown hair and wore a white hood. She was a White Mage.

Oh, and there was also Roll, the janitor. But she isn't important... Yet.

And I bet you're wondering where Torchic and Kirby are. That's not important either... Yet.

Leo knew that this job wouldn't pay well, but it would at least get him an apartment. Hopefully Medialand hadn't been touched by the recession...

Yet.[/spoiler][spoiler=Part 3: The Rabbit and the Psycho]"I'm never gonna get used to this", Leo said over lunch that day. "Medialand is nice, but it just isn't... Home."

"Hey look!" White Mage said suddenly. "The lunch rush is here!"

Leo saw only one customer. But it was a doozy.

"Is that?"

"It is."

"It's really him!"

"Um... Who is it?"

"Don't you recognize him?" Leo said. "It's Oswald, the Lucky Rabbit!"

Beat.

"You know... Mickey Mouse's older half-brother?"

"Ooooh!" Said everybody else simultaneously.

Oswald was completely monochrome except his blue shorts, and otherwise looked liked a rabbit version of Mickey.

Leo went to the counter immediately.

"Oswald? It's... It's such an honor!"

"You're Leo, right? I heard about you. Anyway, it's nice to meet someone who actually knows who I am! Ever since I was upstaged... I was never able to recover."

"Yeah", Leo said. "It's too bad that they never made a video game that explored all of Disney's forgotten stuff and reintroduced you." Then, turning to the fourth wall, he added "At least not while I was up there."

Oswald nodded. "Incidentally, do you know PikMan?"

"Isn't he the guy who's writing this fanfic?"

"Yeah. I think a few of his creations ended up here too."

Leo worked with PikMan on many of his fanfics- Blade of Dimensions, Battle of Catifas, and the like. He knew exactly when he would see the characters, but still was shocked when he saw one of the characters walk in. Terrified, in fact.

He had an eyepatch over his left eye, wore a red bandana on his head. His hair was black, and he wore a leather jacket and ripped jeans.

"C-Cecil Blackwood?! But- But me and PikMan wrote your death scene!"

"It never got posted, now did it? What was it anyway?"

Pulling out a piece of paper, Leo said "Apparently you were to fall into a river and get crushed by several boulders."

Cecil shuddered.

"Let's just wait until PikMan posts the remake, then we'll kick you off the show."

Cecil nodded. "So anyway, I would like a pepperoni pizza. And if I don't get it in 5 minutes..." Cecil pulled out a handgun and shoved the barrel in Leo's mouth.

"Yeah, I get the picture", Leo said, pushing the gun out of his face. "Black Mage! Whitey! I need one pepperoni pizza, stack!"

Oswald got back into the line. "Anyway, I would like a cheese pizza."

"Oh and make a cheese pizza too, Whitey!" Leo shouted into the kitchen.

Four minutes later, the pizzas were ready.

Leo took a pizza to Oswald and a pizza to Cecil.

Problem was, they were the wrong ones.

"You. Gave me. CHEESE. PIZZA." Cecil pulled out the gun again and put it in Leo's mouth again. "I. HATE. CHEESE. PIZZA."

"OK, Mr. Sparta, I'll get the other one from Oswald."

Unfortunately, Oswald already ate his.

The Mages were watching the whole thing. Whitey was watching in horror, and Black Mage had some popcorn and a soda.

"How's Leo going to get out of this one?" Black Mage said. "This is suspense at its finest!"

Whitey turned to him. "Have you READ the fanfic Cecil came from?! He's a child-murdering psychopath with a rap sheet the size of Midgar!"

With that, she cast the protect spell on Leo just as Cecil fired the gun.

Leo only took 4 points of damage.

"What do I do?" Leo cried. "Isn't there an oversized sword I can use?"

Just then Cloud entered the scene.

"Here! Use this!" Cloud tossed Leo his huge sword, and the battle began.


Before Leo knew it, he only had 42 HP, even though Black Mage and White Mage just joined his party. To the best of Leo's knowledge, Phoenix Downs are hard to find.

"Sorry, Leo. We're both out of MP", Whitey said sadly as she tried to cast Heal.

"You should've known better than to tick off the great Cecil Blackwood!"

"Hey wait..." Leo said, trying to get the entire sentence in before Cecil's ATB meter filled up. "If you're from that fanfic, and you're the antagonist... Shouldn't the protagonist be here?"

"Oh..." Cecil turned pale.

Suddenly, said protagonist burst through the door.

He had greasy black hair, a brown jacket, and jeans. His name was Ace Riverstone.

"Long time, no see, Blackwood!" He said.

"Oh great, it's you", Cecil said, frustrated.

After pinning Cecil to a wall, Ace turned around and faced Leo. "Well, Leo, thanks to your little screwup with the pizzas, you were able to keep him occupied long enough for me to catch him!"

"My, my, that's convenient. Looks like things aren't going down from here!"

Just then, Iggy came in.

"Hey Leo, the experiment's been rescheduled to tomorrow!"

"Oh great."[/spoiler][/spoiler][spoiler=Episode 2: The Dark Side of Leo][spoiler=Part 1: A Villain Appears!]Leo looked nervous as Iggy led him, Torchic, and Kirby into a laboratory.

"I told you before, this will be completely painless. I nailed it this time."

Lemmy was sweeping up in the lab.

"Finally got it right, eh?" he asked.

"Yep! I sure did!"

"Good, 'cuz I was tired of sweeping up heaps of dead monkeys."

"HEY! Science cannot be achieved without heaps!"

Iggy placed Leo into a glass tube, next to another tube.

"Um... this isn't going to end with me stuck in the plumbing, is it?"

"No. See, this machine seperates the good and evil sides of a person."

"This isn't going to go horribly wrong, will it?"

"Nope! Nothing will go wrong!" Turning to Lemmy, he whispered "If something goes wrong, bring back the blood- I might want to make a cloning machine later on."

He flipped a switch.

After a bright flash, everybody looked on.

Leo emerged almost unchanged.

Iggy was worried his experiment might've gone wrong after all.

"Is that his light side or dark side?" Lemmy asked.

"I dunno. I'll give a test." He walked up to Leo. "Say something mean!"

"Um... OK, Iggy. You look nerdy with those glasses."

"Say something nice!"

"You're the greatest scientific genius in this town."

Iggy pondered this development. "He doesn't seem to be light or dark. What went wrong?"

Suddenly the other glass tube opened.

Iggy realized what happened. "Oh no! Instead of seperating the two halves, it made a duplicate of one of them!'

"Which one is it?" Lemmy asked.

The other Leo looked identical to Leo, only he had black hair, wore a purple sweater instead of a green one, and had sunglasses.

"Yeah, I wonder", Iggy said, rolling his eyes. He was clearly the dark side. Even Homestar could figure it out. Speaking of which...

"Oh hey guys!" Said Homestar cheerfully, striding casually into the room.

"Since I'm too lazy to learn your name", Dark Leo decided, "I'll just call you Overbite."

"Ooh! I like that name!"

Dark Leo frowned.

"So you like it, huh? How about Whitey?"

"HEY!" Said White Mage barging in out of nowhere. "I have exclusive rights to that nickname!"

"Well, excuse me, toots. So", turning his attention to Homestar, "Starfoot?"

"Still like it."

"Brainless?

"Still like it."

"Whiteout?"

"Yep."

Beat.

"Well, I'm turning out to be a sad excuse of an antagonist since Blackwood got that deal to star in the Criminal Element remake." Turning to menacingly stare at Leo, he added, "Mark my words... I will be a competent villain someday. You'll see!"

And with that, he left.

"Well, I can tell this isn't going to end well", Iggy mumbled.[/spoiler][spoiler=Part 2: Destroying the Fourth Wall]Dark Leo, after having stolen a map, had finally reached his destination: The Villain’s Association and Acadamy of Nefariousness, or VAAN. Ironic, considering that Vaan was a protagonist. Anyway, Dark Leo (Who will henceforth be referred to as DL except in some dialogue due to me being to lazy to type the whole thing) knocked on the door.

That peephole slider thing opened up. “What do you stand in need of wanting?” said Fawf- er, I mean the oh so mysterious door-answering person. Seriously, though, who else talks like that?

“Hello, I’m Dark Leo. I just wanted to apply at the academy so I could become the primary antagonist of this fic.”

Fawful closed the slider thing, and after a moment, opened the door.

“Please, do perform the action of coming in.”

“Wierdo,” DL said under his breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing!”


Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, King Dedede called everybody together for an emergency town meeting. Everybody was there; Leo, the Koopalings, Torchic, Kirby, the Mage twins, Toph, etc. etc.

“As you’re no doubt aware”, the king spoke in his redneck accent, “It seems that a new main villain has appeared on this show. On one hand, it is good to have an antagonist now that Cecil was deported back to his own fanfic, but on the other hand, this villain may prove to be a cause of great concern, moreso than Cecil ever was. That’s not even counting the fact that he made me break the fourth wall twice this paragraph- er, three times-”

“What’s your point, fatty?” Toph asked. “We’ve had enough fourth wall jokes this episode.”

Dedede cleared his throat. “Long story short, I am a great king.”

Just about everybody in the audience facepalmed.

After the meeting, Iggy spoke to his brothers Larry and Lemmy.

“Since the authorities are too stupid to do anything, we’ll simply have to take matters into our own hands. Quickly now! To the sciencemobile!”

“Since when do we even have a sciencemobile?” asked Larry.

“Why just since PikMan decided to write Deus Ex Machina into this fic.”

Larry whispered to Lemmy, “There’s going to be no end to the fourth walls, will there.”


Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, DL was attending a villainy class with a bunch of other characters who were most likely going to end up as those video game enemies you kill in one hit.

DL was worried he wouldn’t pass the class, but to his relief, his professor was Kefka. Having adopted regular Leo’s knowledge of video games, DL knew Kefka had a few marbles missing.

“Welcome, class. I am Lor- um, Professor Kefka… Lord Professor Kefka. First, let me lay down a few rules. First off, you shall all refer to me as ‘Lord Professor’ or you shall be burned alive by some green-haired woman I brainwashed the other day. Is that clear?”

“Yes, Professor Kefka”, said everybody except DL, who said “Lord Professor Kefka”.

One mass execution later, DL was taking notes on what Prof- er, Lord Professor Kefka was saying.

“The first rule of villainy is: Always steer clear of cliffs, ravines, and just stay off of tall things, period. Villains- especially of the Disney variety- have a curious tendency to perish via offscreen falling death.”

“Death by Disney Movie, got it”, Dark Leo said, jotting this down.

Kefka glanced at the clock. “Son of a submariner! It’s almost time for your initiation!”

“Initiation?” DL said. “Color me intrigued… What sort of initiation, Lord Professor Kefka?”

“Oh, you’ll see soon enough. Speaking of which, do you have a paper towel?”

“Yeah, I stole this a while ago.”

“Good, because I may need you to wipe sand off my boots later on.”

They both left. Iggy suddenly popped out of the air vent. Without anybody noticing, not that there was anybody around. “Initiation, eh? This could be interesting…”[/spoiler]
[/spoiler]

[PikMan]

Bump. Sorry 'bout the wait! I've been rather busy. Enjoy!

[PikMan]

Part 2 of Episode 2 is now up!

[Twig]

I'm bored and I have nothing else to do. That only means one thing. REVIEW TIME!

I don't understand why the chapters are called episodes or why the [s]chapters[/s]episodes are split into parts, but the title sure is a hook. It Begins! It's cliche, bland, and not to mention it's the title for the beginning of the fanfic. These elements combine to form the perfect chapter title!

[spoiler=Episode 1: It Begins]
You know what's worse than a bland introduction title? Two bland introduction titles! You know your [s]chapter[/s]episode titles are bad when you can insert them to a Pokemon anime series and get the same meaning.

[spoiler=Part 1: Leo Starts His Adventure][i]"Space. The final frontier. These are not the voyages of the Starship Enterprise... It's a spinoff game, so it's a different ship."

"If it's not the Enterprise, I'm not interested."

Braden left without another word.[/i]

I can only guess this is a reference to Star Trek, but I've never watched Star Trek so I can't really tell. PikMan doesn't want to explain any of this, so I guess I'll just be left wondering who Braden is. From what I can tell from your past fanfic and the title of this story, I can safely say that this is a multiverse fic. Now since PikMan can't be bothered to explain each series, the only way you can understand this fanfic is by knowing all of the shows, video games, and books PikMan plans to be on here. We don't actually know what characters are in MediaLand, so good luck when you come across a series you don't know!

[i]Leo sighed. He couldn't believe that a TREKKIE, of all people, wouldn't want to see one of the most hyped Star Trek games of all. Friggin' purists.

Ah well, then, Leo thought as he went out for lunch.
[/i]

Screw knowing all of the characters, I don't even know what's happening in the story. From what I can tell, Leo and his friend were looking a Star Trek video game? Where? When? Why? Who knows, but the next area PikMan is taking us is as descriptive as the first. "...he went out for lunch." Yes, behold the world of unlimited imagination that is Fan-Fiction.

[i]Worse things could happen to a normal teenager.[/i]

What is this I don't even...Is he complaining about his friend leaving? Yeah, no s*** that worse things can happen than being ditched by a friend.

[i]Leo had blonde hair, wore a green sweater and black sweatpants, and had glasses. He didn't really stand out much from others.[/i]

Here we have random, boring, and spontaneous exposition of the main character. I love how the color of his hair is more important than his height, body type, or even his race.

[i]Suddenly, he spotted something out of the corner of his eye. It was a hooded figure who looked not unlike an Organization XIII member.[/i]

Why do you have to make things complicated by saying "not unlike" instead of just "like"? What's the point of using the double negative? Also, again PikMan expects you to know what an Organization XIII member looks like, let alone what they are.

[i]For some reason, after seeing Leo, the figure retreated into an alley. Leo gave chase. After catching up, he noticed that the figure was carrying a box.[/i]

If I was Leo, I wouldn't go around chasing "hooded figures." Why would anyone want to do that?

[i]"Who are you?" He asked.

"I am but a man who is obviously a bad guy and will never get his comeuppance in any future episode."[/i]

Well from the tone of this sentence, it makes the fic seem like a parody instead of something serious. Also, not only did Leo chase after the hooded figure, but he also had the brains to talk to him.

[i]"Oh. So, what do you want?"[/i]

The guy said he was a bad guy. Then Leo asks what he wants even though it was Leo that chased after him. There's so many things wrong with this, it's not even funny. I don't think you want to know what a bad guy wants.

[i]The man opened the box. Out came a large machine.[/i]

So it like...popped out by itself?

[i]"This is an experimental bootleg video game console that can not only play games from any system, but can stream any kind of media. It also does audiobooks."

Leo ran off with it at the word "system".[/i]

It's funny because if you take way anything after system, it sounds like the guys said "it [u]can not[/u] play games from any system." Now why would he want that? Also, this thing was described as a large machine. How can he run off before this bad guy stupidly continues to talk even though Leo had just ran off.

[i]The first thing he did when he got home was plug it into his TV. The game he decided to try it on was Super Smash Bros. Brawl.[/i]

Well at least we know where we are now. Before I continue, let's summarize what just happened.

Leo was at some place with his friend. They were watching a video game. Then his friend left. Leo went out for lunch, wherever that is. He spots a hooded figure who hides from him. Instead of following common sense, Leo chases the stranger. The guy shows him a machine, and Leo steals it.

Now I'm asking myself, what was the point of Star Trek thing in the beginning? At least the hooded figure might play some role later in the fic, but the whole Star Trek snippet can easily been taken out and nothing would have changed. In fact, removing it might make this terrible fic better, if that's even possible.

[i]After locating the Wii disc slot and Gamecube controller port, he turned on the power button.

He could never decide if this was a good thing or a bad thing, but the moment he pressed the button, Leo understood how it felt to be beamed somewhere.[/i]

Well, he decided pretty quickly when he stole the game system. Also, what does "to be beamed somewhere" even mean?

[i]After suffering a rather hard landing, Leo looked at his surroundings. It was surreal, all right. The sky seemed to be made of pixel blocks, and everything seemed to have a slightly lower polygon count.

He heard rustling in the grass behind him. He whipped around, and saw a small chicken who didn't have any wings (or arms of any kind, for that matter), was colored orange, and had 3 large feathers on top of its head.

Leo recognized it immediately as a Torchic.[/i]

This, so far, has been the most decent part of the fic, and that's not saying much. Apparently, he was in the sky and he had landed. Instead of focusing on any injuries he got from the landing, Leo decides to look around. You can see how smart he is.

Now, I'm actually familiar with Pokemon, so I would know what Torchic looks like. But for others, they're probably imagining a real life orange chicken that had no wings.

[i]That's when it hit him: The console had transported him into the world of media itself![/i]

Shouldn't he be assuming that he's in the Super Smash Bros Brawl world instead of a whole world of media? I mean, Torchic is in SSBB. Nope. PikMan decides that he'll just immediately know where he is despite the fact that he doesn't actually know why, how, and or what happened.

[i]Leo ran over to a pond and looked at his reflection. He figured that he should either be a Mii or an Xbox Avatar.

He turned out to have become a Mii.[/i]

Oh, well the original description of him is useless. Now all we know is that he has blond hair and glasses. This is MediaLand, right? So why is he restricted to only be a Mii or an Xbox Avatar? Can't he be a Pokemon Trainer, a Yugioh duelist, or himself? After all, nonfiction is media, right?

[i]Turning his attention to the Torchic, he said "You can't talk, can you?"

"Torchic." It shook its head.

"I figured. I'm new here, so I was hoping for a guide of some sort. A walkthrough, if it's possible. An escape route, at least.[/i]

His reaction of being transported to a whole new world of endless possibilities: Yeah, I want a guide or a walkthrough. I also want an escape route. Yes, I'm not surprised at all. Why should I be?

No, that's just stupid. Leo is stupid. Not only that, he has no common sense. He has the personality of a freshly painted wall that's drying. This fic is boring and is rushing the plot way too quickly. On the first half of this part, I didn't even know where we were. Description is missing everywhere. It feels like something that could be made from a fanfic generator, if it even exists.

[i]As Leo set off to explore, Torchic tagged along. It seemed to have taken a shine to Leo.[/i]

Is that an expression?

[i]"You wanna come with me?"

"Torchic." It nodded.

"All right- We're off! Say, do you know where I could get a soda around here?"

Torchic nodded again, and sped off. Leo followed.[/i]

After saying that Leo set off to explore and that Torchic tagged along, PikMan decides to go back in time. Leo asks Torchic to tag along and they set off.

wtf.

He already knows that he's in MediaLand, so he must be wondering what sorts of things he gets to see, right? Nope. He asks for a soda.

wtf.

[i]After what seemed to be an eternity, they finally reached what looked like a bar.

Two seconds later, Leo saw the word "Soda" on the sign.

"Oh, I get it- This is a 4Kids dub, isn't it?"
[/i]

I can go on and explain how dumb it was to put "two seconds later" as a transition, or I could ask how Leo figured out that his was a 4Kids dub, but I want to complain about how you just skipped a big opportunity to explore MediaLand and actually put some description for once.

[i]Torchic nodded sadly.

"Well, we may as well get something there."

They walked in and, to Leo's relief, it wasn't a beer bar. He could tell because he wasn't the youngest one there- A pink gumball-looking thing was seated there reading a newspaper. Leo guessed it was Kirby.[/i]

Kirby sucks up everything, though. It's ok if he drinks beer. He'll just turn into Drunk Kirby. Also, looking at the next sentence, Leo doesn't even care that he can see and meet Kirby in real life. It was as if he's been to MediaLand, and everything is regular for him. Except that that isn't the case.

[i]Leo sat down, and after helping Torchic up, introduced myself. "Name's Leo. I don't imagine you have a name."

Torchic shook his head.
[/i]
wait, hold on, wtf, omg, the heck, what is this i don't even

[size="3"]"Leo sat down, and after helping Torchic up, introduced myself."[/size]

[size="4"]and after helping Torchic up, introduced myself.[/size]

[size="5"]introduced myself.[/size]

I don't know how you managed to miss this one. Oh yeah, it's called "not proofreading." Now I'm starting to wonder if Leo is based on the author himself, but the problem is that you switched points of view. I don't think YCM fanfic writers make that mistake. That's saying a lot! Also, another big thing. Couldn't Leo have talked to Torchic while they were looking for soda? After all, they did spend "what felt like an eternity."

[i]"Hey, you're new around here, aren't you?"

Leo turned his attention to the bartender, who was a small girl about his age with dirty black hair, a green shirt and shorts, and disturbingly pale eyes. That must be Toph, Leo thought.

"Yeah, just got here an hour ago."[/i]

I'm getting really sick and tired of the "acting calm and not caring" personality that Leo has. I feel like throwing up.

[i]"We haven't had many Miis around here lately. I should know, I've been working here long enough to hear the voice of just about everyone in town. I never forget a voice, you know."

"Um... Town?"

"It's right down the road."

Leo felt stupid for not noticing the city just down the street.[/i]

Yes, because you are stupid. Actually, I'm not even surprised. He's been ignoring pretty much everything about MediaLand. I mean, it's not like they were in a desert. Leo confirmed that when he went to the pond.

[i]"Look, I just want to know where I am and how I can get out."[/i]

The first thing he wants to do is get out. Really? You don't even want to meet all the characters from video games, books, and movies? That's preposterous! I'm flabbergasted! I must be getting bamboozled! I'm typing my favorite words just to stay interested in this fic.

[i]"Well, we're in Medialand. If you need to get out, I know a guy who might be able to help you in that department, but unfortunately, he and I are not in the best of terms right now..."[/i]

I think this is the perfect time say that I hate the name Medialand. It's dumb and bland, just like the rest of this fic.

[i]"You mean Iggy, right?" Kirby put down the newspaper. "Word of advice, Leo, don't remind Toph about her little incident with Iggy."[/i]

KIRBY CAN TALK? I can't imagine any voice that would fit Kirby. That's just not right...Wait a minute...KIRBY READS THE NEWSPAPER? I lucky enough to actually know who Kirby is because this is way out of character.

[i]"Why? What happened?" Leo asked.

"[i]Nobody knows[/i]".

"Could you take us to Iggy?"

"Well, it's not like I had any other plans."

So it was settled then- They were off to see Iggy.[/i]

It's over! Finally! You know, when I read Foe Fiction, I would always think that Crab Helmet was joking when she would say that doing the review was painful, but now I understand. I really don't want to restate all the terrible things that was wrong with this, but the biggest thing that ticked me off was LEO! I [b]hate[/b] him. He's boring, stupid, and ignorant of the world around him.

I can't be bothered to read the rest of the [s]chapter[/s]episode because not only do I hate this fanfic, but also because I've ran out of time.

I wasn't planning to sound so harsh, but take it as it is. Learn to use description, and learn how to make characters that aren't monotone. There's a million other things I could tell, but that would take too much time and effort. I already had enough with part one.
[/spoiler]

[StealthyTyranitar]

Oh my gosh, I love this fanfic! This is the first fanfic I will actual read!

[PikMan]

@Twig- All right, you now officially have your revenge on me for pelting you with requests to revive that one fanfic.

Anyway, a few notes:

-Yes, this IS supposed to be not serious
-About the "myself" bit, I can explain- I was working on another fanfic that was told from 1st person, so when I worked on that one line, I must've switched back.
-That was a good point; Leo was a pretty stupid, ignorant character.

Bottom line, I apparently haven't gotten better since... (shudder) that [i]Zelda fanfic[/i].

@The First Mohican- Glad you like it. I will work on some more soon enough.

[Twig]

[quote name='PikMan' timestamp='1305944441' post='5221785']
@Twig- All right, you now officially have your revenge on me for pelting you with requests to revive that one fanfic.

[/quote]

Nah, I was just in a cranky mood. =P I'm thinking of writing some sort of fanfic, so there's a chance I might revive it. ;D

Actually on topic: Just try to slow down a bit instead of rushing the fic.