The first thing you would do if...

[hereh]

*Ahem* Personally I'm not a good fighter...and would never survive a Zombie attack so...I would..Run.... .-.

[Yang Xiao-Long]

There's a reason I keep a shotgun in my closet.

[Dementuo]

Easy to fight off Zombies. I've still got my baseball bat lying around for such an occasion. Not the exact problem, but close enough.

[WTFauKorean]

zombie contigency plan

I am writing this from a fully and completely realistic point of view, I add none of the frivolous magical properties of a ghoul or zombie, and disregard the illogical completely. The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks, takes the first part of the book explaining the virus "Solanum," and I am going to work off of that idea, using the same name. It is that concept alone that I am working with; that it is a virus. All other concepts are completely scientifically based and we will explore the possibility that a virus such as Solanum exists in nature and that it has the ability to infect a hosts brain cells (neurons), first by entering the circulatory system via bodily fluid interaction of an infected individual and an uninfected individual, and finally making its way to the neuronal cells and manipulating said cells. I will disregard the communicability of 100 percent used in the book in favor of a more realistic number, 99.4 percent as used in The Stand by Stephen King for a man-made virus (given that that is the most likely scenario for the creation of this virus). Critics may say that this is not a "zombie" contingency plan, and to them I say nay, it depends on your definition of "zombie." Plus, I find the idea of realism much more horrifying than fiction. Fiction you can brush off as being something implausible... The following may be fiction, but it is very plausible.

[spoiler=Skip this if you don't give a f*** about biology]

In order to realistically write a zombie contingency plan, one must have knowledge of how a zombie functions in order to exploit their weaknesses and predict their attacks. I am telling everybody right f***ing now, the anatomy of the zombies outlined in The Zombie Survival Guide is impossible. The zombies would disintegrate, with cells lysing on a scale so grand that there is no way they could eat you/pass on the virus before turning into a pile of mush, let alone have the capacity of movement. Therefore, I am about to discredit any possibility in the known world for a human body to function without the proper systems in place. A virus is considered "pseudoliving" which means that it is not technically alive by the standards of science. Without the host cells machinery, a virus cannot grow or replicate. Thus, a virus must take control of the host cells machinery and use that machinery to create its own DNA and subsequent proteins. This hinges on one very important point, the cell must function as it has always functioned. It needs glucose, fat or protein to begin the aerobic respiration that uses oxygen as a final electron acceptor in the path to making ATP (energy) to run the metabolic processes of the cell.


The implications of this are great, the zombie has to have working lungs to bring oxygen into the system, working circulatory system to transfer said oxygen along with nutrients and wastes, and systems which can eliminate said wastes. This brings into light the very real weaknesses of the zombie. It must be "living" for all intents and purposes, but that does not mean it will be easy to kill. Here's the kicker: The virus can manipulate the cells. The neuronal cells that stop replicating in adult humans are once again capable of regeneration, a virus can lie dormant in a cell for very long periods of time (as evidenced by HIV, which progresses into AIDs once the virus decides to lyse the cells releasing the virus into the system) and make the cell replicate with viral DNA in the nucleus creating hundreds of cells with viral DNA in them. This means the virus will make the neuronal cells replicate, creating millions of new neurons each with viral DNA in them, each with the ability to control more of the processes of the human brain. One may also imply that the zombie is much smarter than your average human being, with a larger number of neuronal cells capable of propagating larger numbers of signals at a faster speed. I contest the idea that zombies are stumbling creatures with an off-kilter gate and little hand-eye coordination.


I believe that this hypothetical virus would create extremely intelligent humans which it would have full control over, by producing the proteins and enzymes of its own DNA rather than that of the original cell, it would be fully plausible that the human infected with this virus would be controlled by the desires of the virus, which would be to infect new hosts. Also, the infected individual would not be the same person they were in their lives with everything from memories to basic wants and desires being manipulated and changed by the virus. The zombie would also have a heightened set of sensory systems, and it's plausible that the neural signals from their external body are blocked by the virus in the CNS, reducing and possibly eliminating the effects of pain or touch sensation. Furthermore, they may act with a hive mentality, working towards a common goal (and remember, they're smart), and their circulatory system may be routed in order to increase the amount of blood to the muscles, increasing their strength and agility. The most horrific realization: They may look completely normal. The virus does not necessarily impact their vocal chords, and they would look like a regular human being. Their behavior would be notably different, but they could pass the virus on before the realization of what has happened is fully recognized.
[/spoiler]
Contingency Plan


With this knowledge in place, we can begin to determine what will and what will not work. Quarantines will be key in containing the virus to large areas (in the range of regions to complete countries). Given our inability to distinguish the zombies from the humans, large quarantine areas will be key. All air and sea ports should be shut down, and control of the army and air bases is essential. A 99.4 percent communicable virus can most likely become airborne, especially since viral particles are pseudoliving and can enter a dormant stage if not active in a cell (such is the case when they are housed within a water molecule, such as on a humid day). Dry climates are best due to such conditions, especially since a zombie lacks any other desire than to pass on its virus and thus does not drink, dehydration would be a good way to defeat them. Other ways to kill the zombies via natural causes would be to expose them to harsh environmental conditions, such as the extreme hot or cold, high saline, low/high pH and anoxic environments all fit the bill. Thus, the best areas to flee to would be the deserts, the higher and lower altitudes and the poles. The worst places would be the mountains, valleys, jungles and tropics.


Also, since they are human we can kill them if it comes down to that. We would want to see them coming given that a more intelligent being would outsmart us in a terrain war using the mountains or valleys. The plains and deserts are ideal for such a situation. Saskatchewan, where you can watch your dog run away for three days, is a good place to be for a zombie apocalypse. This is where the plan gets sleazy and corrupt. We need to get rid of these zombies before they kill us all, and we have to do it in a way that causes the least amount of damage, least bloodshed (especially into the water systems; I'll say it again, viruses are pseudoliving, they can live in the soil and water forever until it attaches to a host cell whose machinery it can manipulate) and the most successful. Thus we will need two plans, one for "the bait" and one for "the survivors." You're reading the survivors guide. The bait will be those that believe a virus can evoke a stage of being "undead" in which these things cannot be killed and the mountains and valleys should be used to hide from and trick them.


The survivors guide is for those that know these f***ers are smarter than us, and would kick our ass in a terrain based war of wit. Trust me, this is necessary. Think of the people we could get to follow the bait guide? Bush, Hannah Montana, the Jonas Brothers, etc. Man, I'm beginning to WELCOME the zombie apocalypse. Anyways, we can lure the zombies into the valleys and mountains, from there dams can be taken out and landslides created provided we still have control of the army bases (I thank you Wright brothers). Meanwhile, safe zones can be created and established in areas where the weather would kill any remaining zombies in a disposable manner (such as through freezing, and might I add that if you freeze a zombie it would be much like freezing a human, where the plasma and extra/intracellular fluid freezes into crystals which would tear the cells apart resulting in death). Due to the high communicability, the zombie bodies will have to be destroyed, I'm thinking a controlled nuclear blast in the areas the zombies were lured to. Fire is a good way to kill a virus, since even the pseudoliving cannot deny the destructive powers of heat to proteins which make up their outer coat. Thus, to the areas where any remaining zombies fled to and eventually died due to extreme environmental conditions, let the forest fires reign.

Note: this plan is kind of geared toward North and South America following the quarantine, it can be applied to Europe as well. Japan, if they got hit with this virus, they're kind of screwed. Britain, you're screwed. Australia... well you guys have all that poisonous stuff, so I'm pretty sure the zombies are afraid of you. China, f***ing nuke them if this happens, because with that high of a population they are f***ed. Canada, Russia and the Scandinavian countries will pull through nicely, and the US, if you guys don't go all batshit on me, you'll be alright (I'm talking to you Utah, you and your Mormons, lol.)

really long as s***

[Dementuo]

@noob: O_O
...Wow. That's a serious wall of text.

[WTFauKorean]

[quote name='Dementuo' timestamp='1296438152' post='4975392']
@noob: O_O
...Wow. That's a serious wall of text.
[/quote]

yeah well im prepared for everything even zombies

[TheComposer]

I wouldn't run. I would hide :3

[Yang Xiao-Long]

[quote name='somenoobkorean' timestamp='1296437976' post='4975386']
zombie contigency plan

I am writing this from a fully and completely realistic point of view, I add none of the frivolous magical properties of a ghoul or zombie, and disregard the illogical completely. The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks, takes the first part of the book explaining the virus "Solanum," and I am going to work off of that idea, using the same name. It is that concept alone that I am working with; that it is a virus. All other concepts are completely scientifically based and we will explore the possibility that a virus such as Solanum exists in nature and that it has the ability to infect a hosts brain cells (neurons), first by entering the circulatory system via bodily fluid interaction of an infected individual and an uninfected individual, and finally making its way to the neuronal cells and manipulating said cells. I will disregard the communicability of 100 percent used in the book in favor of a more realistic number, 99.4 percent as used in The Stand by Stephen King for a man-made virus (given that that is the most likely scenario for the creation of this virus). Critics may say that this is not a "zombie" contingency plan, and to them I say nay, it depends on your definition of "zombie." Plus, I find the idea of realism much more horrifying than fiction. Fiction you can brush off as being something implausible... The following may be fiction, but it is very plausible.

[spoiler=Skip this if you don't give a f*** about biology]

In order to realistically write a zombie contingency plan, one must have knowledge of how a zombie functions in order to exploit their weaknesses and predict their attacks. I am telling everybody right f***ing now, the anatomy of the zombies outlined in The Zombie Survival Guide is impossible. The zombies would disintegrate, with cells lysing on a scale so grand that there is no way they could eat you/pass on the virus before turning into a pile of mush, let alone have the capacity of movement. Therefore, I am about to discredit any possibility in the known world for a human body to function without the proper systems in place. A virus is considered "pseudoliving" which means that it is not technically alive by the standards of science. Without the host cells machinery, a virus cannot grow or replicate. Thus, a virus must take control of the host cells machinery and use that machinery to create its own DNA and subsequent proteins. This hinges on one very important point, the cell must function as it has always functioned. It needs glucose, fat or protein to begin the aerobic respiration that uses oxygen as a final electron acceptor in the path to making ATP (energy) to run the metabolic processes of the cell.


The implications of this are great, the zombie has to have working lungs to bring oxygen into the system, working circulatory system to transfer said oxygen along with nutrients and wastes, and systems which can eliminate said wastes. This brings into light the very real weaknesses of the zombie. It must be "living" for all intents and purposes, but that does not mean it will be easy to kill. Here's the kicker: The virus can manipulate the cells. The neuronal cells that stop replicating in adult humans are once again capable of regeneration, a virus can lie dormant in a cell for very long periods of time (as evidenced by HIV, which progresses into AIDs once the virus decides to lyse the cells releasing the virus into the system) and make the cell replicate with viral DNA in the nucleus creating hundreds of cells with viral DNA in them. This means the virus will make the neuronal cells replicate, creating millions of new neurons each with viral DNA in them, each with the ability to control more of the processes of the human brain. One may also imply that the zombie is much smarter than your average human being, with a larger number of neuronal cells capable of propagating larger numbers of signals at a faster speed. I contest the idea that zombies are stumbling creatures with an off-kilter gate and little hand-eye coordination.


I believe that this hypothetical virus would create extremely intelligent humans which it would have full control over, by producing the proteins and enzymes of its own DNA rather than that of the original cell, it would be fully plausible that the human infected with this virus would be controlled by the desires of the virus, which would be to infect new hosts. Also, the infected individual would not be the same person they were in their lives with everything from memories to basic wants and desires being manipulated and changed by the virus. The zombie would also have a heightened set of sensory systems, and it's plausible that the neural signals from their external body are blocked by the virus in the CNS, reducing and possibly eliminating the effects of pain or touch sensation. Furthermore, they may act with a hive mentality, working towards a common goal (and remember, they're smart), and their circulatory system may be routed in order to increase the amount of blood to the muscles, increasing their strength and agility. The most horrific realization: They may look completely normal. The virus does not necessarily impact their vocal chords, and they would look like a regular human being. Their behavior would be notably different, but they could pass the virus on before the realization of what has happened is fully recognized.
[/spoiler]
Contingency Plan


With this knowledge in place, we can begin to determine what will and what will not work. Quarantines will be key in containing the virus to large areas (in the range of regions to complete countries). Given our inability to distinguish the zombies from the humans, large quarantine areas will be key. All air and sea ports should be shut down, and control of the army and air bases is essential. A 99.4 percent communicable virus can most likely become airborne, especially since viral particles are pseudoliving and can enter a dormant stage if not active in a cell (such is the case when they are housed within a water molecule, such as on a humid day). Dry climates are best due to such conditions, especially since a zombie lacks any other desire than to pass on its virus and thus does not drink, dehydration would be a good way to defeat them. Other ways to kill the zombies via natural causes would be to expose them to harsh environmental conditions, such as the extreme hot or cold, high saline, low/high pH and anoxic environments all fit the bill. Thus, the best areas to flee to would be the deserts, the higher and lower altitudes and the poles. The worst places would be the mountains, valleys, jungles and tropics.


Also, since they are human we can kill them if it comes down to that. We would want to see them coming given that a more intelligent being would outsmart us in a terrain war using the mountains or valleys. The plains and deserts are ideal for such a situation. Saskatchewan, where you can watch your dog run away for three days, is a good place to be for a zombie apocalypse. This is where the plan gets sleazy and corrupt. We need to get rid of these zombies before they kill us all, and we have to do it in a way that causes the least amount of damage, least bloodshed (especially into the water systems; I'll say it again, viruses are pseudoliving, they can live in the soil and water forever until it attaches to a host cell whose machinery it can manipulate) and the most successful. Thus we will need two plans, one for "the bait" and one for "the survivors." You're reading the survivors guide. The bait will be those that believe a virus can evoke a stage of being "undead" in which these things cannot be killed and the mountains and valleys should be used to hide from and trick them.


The survivors guide is for those that know these f***ers are smarter than us, and would kick our ass in a terrain based war of wit. Trust me, this is necessary. Think of the people we could get to follow the bait guide? Bush, Hannah Montana, the Jonas Brothers, etc. Man, I'm beginning to WELCOME the zombie apocalypse. Anyways, we can lure the zombies into the valleys and mountains, from there dams can be taken out and landslides created provided we still have control of the army bases (I thank you Wright brothers). Meanwhile, safe zones can be created and established in areas where the weather would kill any remaining zombies in a disposable manner (such as through freezing, and might I add that if you freeze a zombie it would be much like freezing a human, where the plasma and extra/intracellular fluid freezes into crystals which would tear the cells apart resulting in death). Due to the high communicability, the zombie bodies will have to be destroyed, I'm thinking a controlled nuclear blast in the areas the zombies were lured to. Fire is a good way to kill a virus, since even the pseudoliving cannot deny the destructive powers of heat to proteins which make up their outer coat. Thus, to the areas where any remaining zombies fled to and eventually died due to extreme environmental conditions, let the forest fires reign.

Note: this plan is kind of geared toward North and South America following the quarantine, it can be applied to Europe as well. Japan, if they got hit with this virus, they're kind of screwed. Britain, you're screwed. Australia... well you guys have all that poisonous stuff, so I'm pretty sure the zombies are afraid of you. China, f***ing nuke them if this happens, because with that high of a population they are f***ed. Canada, Russia and the Scandinavian countries will pull through nicely, and the US, if you guys don't go all batshit on me, you'll be alright (I'm talking to you Utah, you and your Mormons, lol.)

really long as s***
[/quote]

Lemme guess, you copy/pasted it from a website you conviently found when you came upon this topic.

[WTFauKorean]

[quote name='Shion Kaito' timestamp='1296438261' post='4975395']
Lemme guess, you copy/pasted it from a website you conviently found when you came upon this topic.
[/quote]

bingo cracked.com (instantly makes you more attractive to the oppisite sex, its been proven by science)
anyways this contigency plan is so bad ass i just had to use it... plus i would use it if the event were to be true

[Shizuku Oikawa]

To be honest, I would run home, and just have my house barricaded, sit down and enjoy some Xbox untill food runs out. Then I'll bring a weapon, run to the nearest Grocery Store that is about a couple of blocks away. Get a load of food to survive another month or so. Run back, re-barricade house. Repeat process.

@somenoobkorean
I'm keeping that huge load of text on a notepad, in case a zombie outbreak does come.

[WTFauKorean]

[quote name='DHeroDogma' timestamp='1296438530' post='4975410']
To be honest, I would run home, and just have my house barricaded, sit down and enjoy some Xbox untill food runs out. Then I'll bring a weapon, run to the nearest Grocery Store that is about a couple of blocks away. Get a load of food to survive another month or so. Run back, re-barricade house. Repeat process.

@somenoobkorean
I'm keeping that huge load of text on a notepad, in case a zombie outbreak does come.
[/quote]

food would be raided in a grocery store everyone would aim for there human againts human competition
yes my contigency plan is the way to go

[hereh]

lol very interesting i didnt expect to see 10,000 + words .-. but alright XD

[WTFauKorean]

lol ok i shall put things in my own words for my current location hawaii even more specifically oahu...
#1 still asuming these zombies are made off a science and not some magical bullshit
#2 these guys are most likly already dead but the neural areas are repaired and replaced by wither nano technology or a disease
#3 this disease/nanobots are all man made meaning there were more than 1 zombies when this started... approximating through population 200 test subjects released in hawaii
#4 if by disease it is not air borne, water borne nor blood borne can be tranfered if a disease by insects and rodents bites spread the disease (saliva) scratches will not. this disease kills a subject more likely through the cardio vascular system then reconfigures into the neural areas. *yeah this disease is f***ing concious and any diseases primary objective is to spread*
#5 if zombies are created through nano technology connecting dead nerves throughout the brain then it is spread much more predicatbly, nano bots only enter your body through broken skin and contanct with siliva that counts as a transport vessel for the nanobots, as it enters your body instantly kills you first by seperating nerual cells one by one then replaceing the connection with the bots themselves while duplicating with traces of irons and plasmas in the body. not gonna get into that

ok so lets say its a nano bot
then this is quite easy to handle just emp those suckers after you know its not a disease... thats the only hard part and you win

ok but if its a man made disease like the one i discribed S.O.B who would make that? especially that spcifically

luckly we got really protected high elevated building in waikiki that are impossible to get into with the mere strenth of brain dead men. okay the problem like mentioned before is supplys such as food
these guys are pretty much dead no amount of shooting them in the body will kill them and blowing up its brain is the only way to go. but the skull is hella hard to get through, trust me i know.
i fight alot, judo would [b]kill[/b] slow zombies and taekwondo would slowdown the fast ones
i have alot or impact objects *a broken leg is still a broken leg they cant move even if they dont feel pain*
i have a pistol with alot of rounds *my dad loves to shoot crap*
the biggest issue is human competition. people would kill other people in order to get the supplies they need to survive, f*** working together especially on an island where everything is imported and the density in population is high. so what do i do for that? use them as bait. i have no problem with killing zombies killing real people with my own hands is a completely different story. so i use them as bait and have the zombies kill my competitors for me.
unethical? yes... surviavability rate? alot

[Yang Xiao-Long]

@korean: You do realize that Taekwondo was developed partially to kick people off their horses on the battlefield, right? Save Taekwondo for the bigger, slower zombies by going for sensitive areas. Assuming that the pathogens which created zombies in the first place is only spread by rare means, such as saliva-borne via previous injury, then you should be fine. For faster zombies, use Wushu or Xiaolin. For big brawling zombies, you must either be a big guy with a muscular physique who knows Moi Thai; otherwise, just shoot the s*** outta them.

[hereh]

lol it's still a lot of words .-.

[WTFauKorean]

[quote name='Shion Kaito' timestamp='1296441371' post='4975541']
@korean: You do realize that Taekwondo was developed partially to kick people off their horses on the battlefield, right? Save Taekwondo for the bigger, slower zombies by going for sensitive areas. Assuming that the pathogens which created zombies in the first place is only spread by rare means, such as saliva-borne via previous injury, then you should be fine. For faster zombies, use Wushu or Xiaolin. For big brawling zombies, you must either be a big guy with a muscular physique who knows Moi Thai; otherwise, just shoot the s*** outta them.
[/quote]

actually i would use taekwon do fo faster zombies becasue of foot work and back kicks can knock them back without using lots of energy and still breack the spine to paralyze its lower half meaning fast zombie is not fast anymore.
judo to slow heavy or muscular zombies because judo is called a gental sport for a reason you can throw a 300lbs guy with no energy at all with good technique and if there moving that slowly anyone can pull of technuiqe like that.
muy tahi is to vunerable to teeth and saliva and my leg kicks are nowhere near bone breaking

[quote name='Hereh'sMoa!' timestamp='1296441556' post='4975552']
lol it's still a lot of words .-.
[/quote]

zombie survival is no joke...XD

[hereh]

i know .-. it freaks me out!!!

[Flash Flyer - Sakura]

I'd probably try to get away, but if I have to, I'll fight them.

[WTFauKorean]

[quote name='Hereh'sMoa!' timestamp='1296442261' post='4975583']
i know .-. it freaks me out!!!
[/quote]

hey sis if there was a zombie thing and i really did use people as a bait for other zombies in order to get my groceries would you hate me ?_?

[hereh]

[quote name='somenoobkorean' timestamp='1296442887' post='4975631']
hey sis if there was a zombie thing and i really did use people as a bait for other zombies in order to get my groceries would you hate me ?_?
[/quote]

If you used that girl *grins* I would omg love you!!!!!!! =D

<---wishes for a zombie attack now =/

[WTFauKorean]

[quote name='Hereh'sMoa!' timestamp='1296442980' post='4975636']
If you used that girl *grins* I would omg love you!!!!!!! =D

<---wishes for a zombie attack now =/
[/quote]

XD me too...

[hereh]

[quote name='somenoobkorean' timestamp='1296443343' post='4975660']
XD me too...
[/quote]

We can infect people with the virus!! =O we will buy the virus on Ebay!!!!!!!!!!

[Gospel.]

I would let them kill me...but only if I was filming it and it was an awesome death like Captain Rhodes from Day of The Dead. If not, and I'm cornered, I'd fire all but one bullet and blow my brains out.

[WTFauKorean]

[quote name='Hereh'sMoa!' timestamp='1296443457' post='4975667']
We can infect people with the virus!! =O we will buy the virus on Ebay!!!!!!!!!!
[/quote]

or i can make it myself XD

[quote name='Horrific' timestamp='1296443773' post='4975679']
I would let them kill me...but only if I was filming it and it was an awesome death like Captain Rhodes from Day of The Dead. If not, and I'm cornered, I'd fire all but one bullet and blow my brains out.
[/quote]

i would let the zombies turn me into a zombie just so i can eat grifs brains...

[hereh]

[quote name='somenoobkorean' timestamp='1296446779' post='4975788']
or i can make it myself XD



i would let the zombies turn me into a zombie just so i can eat grifs brains...
[/quote]

Actually...shooting yourself would be a better option for me...isnt the transformation between human to zombie painful...I mean...they need to bite you....