Smesh Posted January 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 lol honda accord Appreciate your Mustang xD And next chapter should be up tomorrow if I have time. And why does everyone want to be in it? I just got weapons. xD whoo hot thread yey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anbu-of-Sand Posted January 31, 2011 Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 Second Chapter was better then the first. Much more detail. I find that your spacing things out to often though. It makes it look like your trying to make the Chapter longer then it actually is. On that note, the Chapters are also looking a bit short. This Chapter in particular, looks like you just stopped in the middle of writing it. I don't know why, but it just does. And yes I know that you said they would be short, buy no offense, but they look a tad too short to me. Otherwise, it was a pretty decent / good Chapter overall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smesh Posted February 1, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2011 well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me princess xD Quality > Quantity, as Yankeh said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anbu-of-Sand Posted February 1, 2011 Report Share Posted February 1, 2011 But, but, I DON'T WANNA BE A PRINCESS, I WANT TO BE A FAIRY!!!! Naw, but I guess that's true. Chapter 3 ploxx? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twig Posted February 1, 2011 Report Share Posted February 1, 2011 This fanfic might be good if it had a good plot, but sadly, it doesn't. There's just a lot of things that don't make sense. First, I don't know why a super moderator would live in a common member apartment, unless Phantom Roxas is [i]really[/i] humble. Second, it's kind of sad that a super moderator was easily controlled just because of a gun. You'd think they'd have some form of security, but nope. Let's just give them the title, and the members will automatically obey him! Seriously. Where's the banhammer? Third, a brawl? Would they like...wrestle or something? If they have super special awesome powers, shouldn't moderators have powers as well? If mods do have powers, how come Roxas didn't kill Smesh when he pulled out the gun? Fourth, a brawl tournament used in order to cause chaos thus getting the super nice YCMaker who gives free stuff to talk? I don't understand why you would want to make a nice man angry just because he's living in secrecy; ever heard of the term, "If it's not broken, don't fix it?" It's not like YCMaker is a witch feeding all of the members just so he could fatten them up so that he would have a nice meal...But seriously, what could YCMaker be possibly hiding that caused you to arrange a whole plot to get him to talk in threat of destroying the whole community? This doesn't make any sense... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fusion X. Denver Posted February 1, 2011 Report Share Posted February 1, 2011 In answer to your 4th point, I believe Smesh's fanfic counterpart is kind of a prick xD And Roxas is kind of humble...isn't he? Dunno bout rest of those though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twig Posted February 2, 2011 Report Share Posted February 2, 2011 [quote name='Fusion X. Denver' timestamp='1296576745' post='4978750'] In answer to your 4th point, I believe Smesh's fanfic counterpart is kind of a prick xD [b]So much for not being a stereotypical immature teenager.[/b] And Roxas is kind of humble...isn't he? [/quote] I actually don't know Roxas that well, so I wouldn't know... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fusion X. Denver Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 Hey. What up? There a new chapter buried around here in 2nd page? No? Damn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smesh Posted February 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 Homework all this week. The 6 weeks is ending and I have to get some projects and reading done. Next chapter'll be up in about a week or two. Sorreh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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