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The Legacy of YMB (PG-16) (Updated regularly) Chapter 2 is up!

Smesh

By Smesh
in Creative Writing

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Smesh Newbie

Smesh

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Posted
Yeah. This is YCM Member Brawl with an IRL twist. It's probably no where near to accurate, but it's all for fun.

People get killed. And if they do, it's not that I have anything against you, it's that your death goes along with the story.

PG-16 for Language and Violence. I guess.

Oh, and if you don't know what YMB is, go [url="http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/230776-ycm-member-brawl-20/"]here[/url] and [url="http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/219167-ycm-member-brawl/"]here.[/url]

[spoiler=Chapter 1]
Phantom Roxas laid back in his recliner, watching old sitcom re-runs. It was 11 P.M. on a Saturday night, and he had nothing to do but say at home in his lonesome. His apartment was fairly small, 2 bedrooms, default white paint job, typical apartment. His Lay-Z boy recliner was quite old and made out of cheap fabric, but he had gotten used to the feeling it could break at any time.He was half awake, and was about to go to bed when a knock came at the door.

[i]What could anyone want at this time of night?[/i] Roxas thought as he got up from his chair to unlock the door.

"Hello, Roxas." said Smesh as Roxas opened the door.

"Oh, hey Smesh." said Roxas in a confused manner. "What brings you here at this time of night?" Roxas didn't know Smesh that well, but he had seen him around on the YCM Complex. He was quite young, only about 14 or 15 but wasn't a stereotypical immature teenager. He was wearing black slacks and a gray long sleeve shirt. He had on pitch black sunglasses, but why at night? Just to look cool?

"I wanted to talk about something to someone with authority in this community. To see if it would follow the rules." said Smesh with no expression on his face.

"Okay," said Roxas, somewhat confused. "Come sit down on the couch." Roxas sat back in his recliner and turned the TV off, as Smesh sat on the couch.

"I want to hold a brawl. A brawl that pits the greatest members of this community and puts them in a battle of intellect and strength. Why? Because this place is dull. People want to make a name for themselves here." said Smesh.

"By brawl," said Roxas, one eyebrow raised, "What do you mean?"

"Brawl," answered Smesh, annoyed. "Fighting."

"Why, exactly?"

"I've said why. People want to make a name for themselves. They'll hear about it and want to enter. Winning comes with honor, glory...money."

Roxas sat up in his recliner. "How much money?"

"A mil." said Smesh without hesitation.

"Oh ho ho. And you have a million dollars?"

"Mr. Roxas, don't underestimate me."

Roxas laughed. "Smesh, I don't know about this. It seems pointless. And giving away a million dollars? Even if you do have enough, wouldn't that burn a hole in your pocket?"

Smesh stood up. "Roxas I have my ways. I know people. The community will fall head over heels for this." Smesh reached in his back pocket. "But if you don't want to agree with me, I guess you're against me." Smesh pulled a pistol from his back pocket, cocked it, and pointed it at Roxas' forehead.

Roxas was taken aback and froze still as ice.

"Change your mind?" said Smesh, grinning widely.

[hr]

“How’d it go?”

Smesh walked in his apartment to see Fusion X. Denver sitting on his couch playing video games. Much like all the other apartments in the YCM complex, it was quite small and bland. Two bedrooms, one for Smesh, one for Fusion. They could both normally be found in the living room, playing video games or just talking. They chipped in both of their money to buy a large flat-screen TV, because it seemed necessary for as much video games as they played.

Smesh sat on the couch next to Fusion. “It went good. I [b]persuaded[/b] Roxas to go along with the plan.”

“Good,” said Fusion, glued to the screen. “I didn’t think he would let you. It’s a pretty violent event.”

Fusion was about 3 years older than Smesh, but was really a kid at heart. He was a fun guy to be around, and very light-hearted, but could be serious when it was needed. He was wearing his Luigi pajamas, which he always wore at night. Smesh and Fusion had been roomates for a while, and they seemed to get along well.

Smesh leaned back in the couch and took his shoes off. “I have a way of persuading people. Plus, it’s not like we’re forcing them to fight for our amusement. They join thinking they’ll actually be worth something when they’re finished, and we gain control of the community.”

Fusion put down his controller. “How would we gain control of the community?”

Smesh laughed. “People will get too into it. They’ll be fighting they’re friends and drive themselves insane. Then the mods will try to control them, and end this whole thing. But we won’t let them.”

Fusion put his hand on Smesh’s shoulder. “Smesh, what if we’re in over our heads? Taking down the mods? Can we do that? Are we capable?”

Smesh brushed Fusion’s hand off his shoulder and proceeded to pick up the phone on the stand next to the couch. “Us two? No. I’ve told you I know people. I have it all under control, don’t worry.” Smesh started to push buttons on the dialing pad.

“Who are you calling?” said Fusion curiously.

“Dark,” said Smesh. “He’s agreed to help us.”

Smesh got up and walked away into his bedroom. Fusion picked up his controller and resumed his game.

*******
A few minutes later, Smesh came back into the room and turned off the TV.

“Hey!” yelled Fusion, “I had a 7 killstreak!”

“Tomorrow, midnight. We’re meeting Dark in the alley behind his apartment building.”
[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Chapter 2]
"Let's go, Fusion. Get your keys." said Smesh, shaking Fusion from his sleep. Fusion was tired and fell asleep before midnight in his bedroom.

"But...the bed's so comfy..." said Fusion, half asleep.

"Come on. This is important."

Fusion reluctantly got up from his bed. He picked a random shirt and blue jeans from his closet and changed right in front of Smesh, obviously still tired and not caring.

"Kay." said Fusion.

Smesh threw Fusion's car keys at him, which Fusion dropped. "Section C, apartment building D, room number 666."

Fusion picked up his keys off the ground. "666? This should be fun."

They both got in the car. Smesh looked out the window up at the stars and remained silent.

Smesh and Fusion proceeded to exit the apartment. Fusion locked the door, then they both walked over to Fusion's car, which was parked outside of the apartment building on the fire lane. It was a bright green Ford Mustang, Fusion's pride and joy.

"Section C? That's pretty far away." said an annoyed Fusion.

The YCM complex was a big place. There were 8 different sections, all with 6 apartment buildings in each section. Smesh and Fusion lived in section A. Smesh and Fusion came to YCM because it was cheap, and had a friendly community. A man named YCMaker owned the place, and he was very generous to all the people living in YCM. He paid for the bills, food, everything you'd have to pay for in a regular apartment. YCMaker was a solitary man and barely anyone had ever seen him, much less talked to him. No one really even knew where he lived.

Except the mods. The mods were YCM's supervisors. They kept watch over YCM and made sure everything ran smoothly, but the most important thing about them to Smesh, was that they knew YCMaker.

Smesh was suspicious of YCMaker, and he needed to get attention of the mods, so they could tell them why YCMaker was paying for everything, but not even showing his face. Smesh had asked some mods about YCMaker before, but they wouldn't even continue the subject. And with the Brawl, the mods would have to act and try to stop it. If it got out of hand, which Smesh intended it to, YCMaker would have to do something about it. Then he'd talk. Or his whole community would be killed.

Fusion broke the silence during the drive. "Smesh...are you sure you're doing the right thing? What if YCMaker's not hiding anything and just being nice?"

Smesh remained gazing at the stars. "He's hiding something, Fusion. I know it."

Fusion sighed. "Well. We're here. Section C, building D."

It was identical to all the other apartment buildings in YCM, but was right next to another apartment building with a small alleyway in between.

Fusion parked his car on the fire lane near the front of the of apartment building D. They both got out of the car and started to walk towards the alley.

"So who is this guy?" asked Fusion.

"He's thought that YCMaker was hiding something just like I have. He's extremely smart and he's someone we need to help us. He also knows a few people and got some equipment for me." said Smesh.

"Equipment?" said Fusion worryingly.

Smesh didn't reply. Upon they're arrival of the alleyway, they saw no one there.

"What time is it?" asked Smesh.

Fusion looked at his Luigi wristwatch which he never took off. "It's 11:59."

"Damn. He better show up." said Smesh sternly.

"Hello boys." said a voice behind both of them.

Smesh and Fusion turned around. There was a tall man, over 6 feet in a black trench coat wearing a black boler hat and carrying a very large black suitcase.

Fusion looked at his watch. The time just changed to 12.

"Dark. You have what we need?" questioned Smesh.

"All you need and more." said Dark with a small chuckle. He placed down his suitcase and opened it up. Inside were about 5 grenades, 3 gas masks, 2 AK-47's, and 3 switchblades.

"Nice work Dark. Those are gaseous grenades, I presume." said Smesh, impressed.

"Fetanyl. They'll knock anyone who inhales it out for 24 hours or more."

Fusion looked worried. "What is all this for?"

Smesh raised his hand as if to tell Fusion to shut up. "Don't worry about it." He then asked Dark, "Do you get access to some C-130's?"

Dark grinned. "I had to pull some strings, but I got two of them and some pilots willing to help us."

"You cease to amaze me, Dark" said Smesh, extending his hand.

Dark shook his hand. "We'll talk more tomorrow. You take that suitcase home. Good night, gentlemen."

"Same to you." said Smesh. Dark closed the suitcase and handed it to Smesh. Smesh walked off, and Fusion trailed behind cautiously.

"I don't like that guy...gives me the creeps..." said Fusion.

"Oh wait!" Dark came scurrying after Smesh and Fusion. "I got Crab Helmet to help us. YCMaker won't even talk to her. She's been on strike and been sorta a smart-ass to all the mods and YCMaker himself. When I told her we were going to do this, she decided to help immediately."

Smesh lauged and smiled. Crab Helmet was probably one of the most influential mods on YCM soil. She had always been suspicious of YCMaker himself, so YCMaker regretted promoting her. She had started her own protests against YCMaker, but the other mods always got her to calm down. "Great work, Dark. She'll be a major help. We need to go talk to her sometime."

"I'll arrange it," said Dark. "now, I'll leave you two back to going home. Night." and he strolled back to his apartment.

"Night." said Smesh as he walked away.

"Can we just get outta here? I wanna go back to bed. Get in the car." whined Fusion.
[/spoiler]





Chapters won't be that long, so I'll update regularly.
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Anbu-of-Sand Newbie

Anbu-of-Sand

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Review will be given soon and edited here.

Well, first thing is the first sentence seems unfinished. "in his lonesome...." home? Apartment? Condo? Second, is the YCM Complex some sort of city or town? Otherwise, I'm somewhat confused where it's based. All I have so far is perhaps in a town or something. An odd town at that. And like Yankee, it's missing some detail here and there. And the Chapter was a bit short, it makes me want, well, more. Otherwise, can't wait for the next few Chapters.

-Edit- Screw you Yankee D: Kudo's to you for Ninja'ing, well, a Ninja. An Anbu to be exact.
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Smesh Newbie

Smesh

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[quote name='Yankee' timestamp='1296272546' post='4969993']
...
You must put Yankee is this ;D

Sort of a short chapter, along with a rather...missing amount of description. Idk...

EDIT: NINJA'D ANBU XD
[/quote]

Yeah, new to FF, not writing. I didn't know how short short was xD

Ominous beginning es bueno. No?
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Yankee Explorer

Yankee

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[quote name='Smesh' timestamp='1296272623' post='4970001']
Yeah, new to FF, not writing. I didn't know how short short was xD

Ominous beginning es bueno. No?
[/quote]

Short doesn't bother me.
Quality > Quantity.

The description is really missing, so that's why I'm disappointed.

...

PUT ME IN IT =D
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Smesh Newbie

Smesh

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[quote name='Yankee' timestamp='1296272960' post='4970026']
Short doesn't bother me.
Quality > Quantity.

The description is really missing, so that's why I'm disappointed.

...

PUT ME IN IT =D
[/quote]

Hmmm. Esplain?
I get what you mean, but I also don't get what you mean xD

[quote name='Dementuo' timestamp='1296272973' post='4970027']
Can't wait for more. I love a dark plot every now and then.
[/quote]

Fanks :3
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Anbu-of-Sand Newbie

Anbu-of-Sand

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[quote name='Dementuo' timestamp='1296272973' post='4970027']
Can't wait for more. I love a dark plot every now and then.
[/quote]
I was surprised as well. Didn't see that coming when Smesh brought out the gun.

Also Smesh, a few questions. Are you going to explain the town / city / whatever itself in further Chapters? And when the brawl comes into action, are you going to have it so based on the person / their avatar / whatever, they have that ability / power in the story or ring? Or would it just be like, get a weapon, fight, last one standing wins? Might have a few more questions if any come to mind.
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Smesh Newbie

Smesh

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[quote name='Anbu-of-Sand' timestamp='1296273392' post='4970060']
Also Smesh, a few questions. Are you going to explain the town / city / whatever itself in further Chapters?
[b]Yes.[/b]
And when the brawl comes into action, are you going to have it so based on the person / their avatar / whatever, they have that ability / power in the story or ring?
[spoiler=SPOILER]
They'll be left unconnected from the world, given limited supplies. Some have powers, some have themselves.[/spoiler]
Or would it just be like, get a weapon, fight, last one standing wins?
[b]There'll be some of this.[/b]
[/quote]
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evilfusion Newbie

evilfusion

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[quote name='Smesh' timestamp='1296272098' post='4969966']
Yeah. This is YCM Member Brawl with an IRL twist. It's probably no where near to accurate, but it's all for fun.

[b]Okay. I'll look at it.[/b]

People get killed. And if they do, it's not that I have anything against you, it's that your death goes along with the story.

[b]Good disclaimer.[/b]

PG-16 for Language and Violence. I guess.

[b]Remarks in bold throughout chap.[/b]

[spoiler=Chapter 1]
Phantom Roxas laid back in his recliner, watching old sitcom re-runs. It was 11 P.M. on a Saturday night, and he had nothing to do but say at home in his lonesome. He was half awake, and was about to go to bed when a knock came at the door.

[b]I guess it was too much to say "reclined in his chair". Also, the phrase is "all on his lonesome" not "in". And he receives a mysterious knock, dun dun dun![/b]

[i]What could anyone want at this time of night?[/i] Roxas thought as he got up from his chair to unlock the door.

"Hello, Roxas." said Smesh as Roxas opened the door.

[b]Dialogue has rules about how to end it in a sentence. If the quote does not directly end the sentence, as is the case here, there is a comma at the end of the quote (within the quotes). "Hello Roxas," said Smesh.[/b]


"Oh hey, Smesh." Said Roxas in a confused manner.

[b]And the first letter of the next word remains lowercase. This should read "Oh, hey Smesh," said Roxas...[/b]

"What brings you here at this time of night?" Roxas didn't know Smesh that well, but he had seen him around on the YCM Complex. He was quite young, only about 14 or 15, but acted like an adult.

[b]*looks at the author of this story* Acts like an adult, huh? A little favoritism, don't you think? I dont know you personally, so I dont know for sure.[/b]

"I wanted to talk about something to someone with authority in this community. To if it would follow the rules." Said Smesh with no expression on his face.

[b]I dont follow the second sentence at all. The first sentence sounds worded oddly.[/b]

"Okay," Said Roxas, somewhat confused. "Come sit down on the couch." Roxas sat back in his recliner and turned the TV off, as Smesh sat on the couch.

"I want to hold a brawl. A brawl that pits the greatest members of this community and puts them in a battle of intellect and strength. Why? Because this place is dull. People want to make a name for themselves here." Said Smesh.

"By brawl," Said Roxas, one eyebrow raised, "What do you mean?"

"Brawl," Answered Smesh, annoyed. "Fighting."

[b]Your dialogue grammar is consistently incorrect.[/b]

"Why, exactly?"

"I've said why. People want to make a name for themselves. They'll hear about it and want to enter. Winning comes with honor, glory...money."

Roxas sat up in his recliner. "How much money?"

"A mil." Said Smesh without hesitation.

"Oh ho ho. And you have a million dollars?"

"Mr. Roxas, don't underestimate me."

Roxas laughed. "Smesh, I don't know about this. It seems pointless. And giving away a million dollars? Even if you do have enough, wouldn't that burn a hole in your pocket?"

Smesh stood up. "Roxas I have my ways. I know people. The community will fall head over heels for this." Smesh reached in his back pocket. "But if you don't want to agree with me, I guess you're against me." Smesh pulled a pistol from his back pocket, cocked it, and pointed it at Roxas' forehead.

Roxas was taken aback and gasped.

[b]Guy comes into your house, suggests holding a fighting tournament for a million dollars, then pulls a gun out and points it at your forehead. Merely being taken aback sounds like a weak reaction, and just saying "Roxas gasped" would have been sufficient to get the point across.[/b]

"Change your mind?" Said Smesh, grinning widely.

[hr]

“How’d it go?”

Smesh walked in his apartment to see Fusion X. Denver sitting on his couch playing video games.

Smesh sat on the couch next to Fusion. “It went good. I [b]persuaded[/b] Roxas to go along with the plan.”

“Good,” Said Fusion, glued to the screen. “I didn’t think he would let you. It’s a pretty violent event.”

Smesh leaned back in the couch and took his shoes off. “I have a way of persuading people. Plus, it’s not like we’re forcing them to fight for our amusement. They join thinking they’ll actually be worth something when they’re finished, and we gain control of the community.”

Fusion put down his controller. “How would we gain control of the community?”

Smesh laughed. “People will get too into it. They’ll be fighting they’re friends and drive themselves insane. Then the mods will try to control them, and end this whole thing. But we won’t let them.”

Fusion put his hand on Smesh’s shoulder. “Smesh, what if we’re in over our heads? Taking down the mods? Can we do that? Are we capable?”

Smesh brushed Fusion’s hand off his shoulder and proceeded to pick up the phone on the stand next to the couch. “Us two? No. I’ve told you I know people. I have it all under control, don’t worry.” Smesh started to push buttons on the dialing pad.

“Who are you calling?” Said Fusion curiously.

“Dark,” Said Smesh. “He’s agreed to help us.”

Smesh got up and walked away into his bedroom. Fusion picked up his controller and resumed his game.

*******
A few minutes later, Smesh came back into the room and turned off the TV.

“Hey!” Yelled Fusion, “I had a 7 killstreak!”

“Tomorrow, midnight. We’re meeting Dark in the alley behind his apartment building.”
[/spoiler]

Chapters won't be that long, so I'll update regularly.
[/quote]

[b]I could have nitpicked more about stuff, but didn't feel like it. The story seems fairly bland right now, but it has enough intrigue to make up for it.[/b]
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Smesh Newbie

Smesh

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[quote name='Yankee' timestamp='1296274146' post='4970138']
Smesh, I mean you're not describing much. You're not describing how people look, what the room they're in is like, or if they're even in a room...or if they're even in a universe...or even in this reality...
You get my point?
[/quote]

Yeah. I thought of that, but...didn't do it O.o

[quote name='King.' timestamp='1296274152' post='4970140']
[size="3"][font="Times New Roman"][b]I can has character in your fan-fiction?
Looks good for a start, but didn't Roxas just agree to the brawl in the first place? I don't see a need in holding him at gun-point until Roxas agreed.[/b][/font][/size]
[/quote]

Dats no fun.

And yeah, Evil. My grammar is eh.

Although, in dialogue, sentences start with and, blah blah, because it's dialogue.

And that one part where it made no sense, typing too fast ><
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Anbu-of-Sand Newbie

Anbu-of-Sand

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Like Yankee had said, once again, you needz lotz of detailz. Zzzz. Not saying your fan fic makes me tired or anything, but if you have a bunch of Chapters that lack detail, but then the Chapters with the fighting scenes and whatnot having a shizload of detailz, people will only want you to make more fighting scenes, and each time you post a Chapter without one, they'll might have to force themselves to read that Chapter, only so they can understand the story better when the next Chapter comes, get what I'm saying? I understand if you don't, I don't even understand what I say half the time.
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