Character Public Feedback Thread

[bury the year]

Got the idea for this when looking through Serebii.net's RP forums. In this thread, you can post an application you have for an RP, posted/accepted or not, and have any other person on the forum give feedback. Just kindly follow the site and forum rules along with the two below.

 

1) Bring something to the table. Don't just go "here's an RP give me ideas for a character for it." You need to make something before we review it. Each "new" post or train of discussion you have should contain three things: the link to the OOC thread for the RP if it is up; a short (1-2 sentence) background on the world and plot of the RP if it isn't already general knowledge; and the application itself. If you are applying for a YGO RP and are using fake/custom cards, post links to them too.

 

2) Actually listen to what people say. Remember, you're posting here because you want genuine feedback and advice. This is not the place to be if you're going to be all "l0l here's my super-awesome character" and will completely ignore any comments that state anything else. This doesn't mean you need to change everything, though. Just don't say "you're wrong" to another person.

 

So... that's pretty much it. Post away~

[fenrir]

I like this thread and hopefully it won't end up like the RP Planning Thread. (Which, granted isn't that bad, but there was a lot of spam. Not sure if that's left. >__>)

 

Granted I don't have an application to post, but I'll be paying attention to give my insight to others. :P

[Kingdom Xathers]

This seems worthwhile. I'll give it a shot.

 

Yugioh: Fusion of Worlds: Rise of the Emperors

 

The RP takes place at the original Duel Academy island, years after the events of Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's. It involves a similar plot involving the Machine Emperors vs Signer Dragons, with a few sub-plots intermixed. (by my knowledge, this RP's a continuation of a series of RPs known as Fusion of Worlds)

 

 

 

[spoiler=Alexander Abernathy]Name: Alexander Abernathy

Age: Early-Mid 40s

Gender: Male

 

Appearance:

 

 

Group: Teacher (Slifer Red Dorm)

 

Deck: [spoiler=Deck: "Keepsakes" (essentially a "Billy-Deck" consisting of random monsters, especially of characters from various video games. Most of these cards he had collected over the years from traveling other dimensions. The deck reflects his belief that everything in the world has value.)]

 

 

Main Deck

Ratchet - Beta x1

Bayonetta - Beta x1

Marcus Fenix - Beta x1

Neo-Spacian Dark Panther x1

Officer McRuff x2

Decker the Hypergrinder x1

Bubble-Headed Nurse x1

Jackal Fighter x1

Warrior of the Desert x1

Roegadyn Mercenary x1

Lancer Tom x1

Moonlight Butterfly x1

Shattered Identity x2

Russell "Taurus" Oxford x1

Ose x1

Level Eater x3

Fleur Synchron x2

Hunter of Black Feathers x1

Elemental Hero Wildheart x1

Doppel Warrior x2

Heretic Torture Device x1

Outstanding Dog Marron x2

Two-Pronged Attack x2

Scrap-Iron Scarecrow x2

Tyler the Great Warrior x1

Skull-Mark Ladybug x2

Solemn Wishes x1

Power Pickaxe x2

Metalmorph x2

United we Stand x2

Comrade Swordsman of Landstar x2

Fighting Spirit x2

Apple of Frigg x1

Playful Possum x2

Ultimate Offering x1

Charcoal Inpachi x2

Copycat x2

Cursed Armaments x1

Molting Escape x1

Sword of Dragon's Soul x1

Thorn of Malice x1

 

 

Extra Deck

Slasher Leon x1

Ose Hallel x1

Stygian Sergeants x1

Armory Arm x2

Chevalier de Fleur x1

Avenging Knight Parshath x1

 

Side Deck

Ambitious Gofer x1

Symphonic Warrior Piano x2

Symphonic Warrior Drums x2

Alector, Sovereign of Birds x1

Leeching the Light x2

Penguin Soldier x2

Honest x1

Magic Cylinder x1

Draining Shield x2

Prime Material Dragon x1

 

 

 

Deck Strategy: Special Summoning Lower Level Monsters through various means in order to summon stronger Monsters

Duel Spirit: None (although the three "Beta" cards [Ratchet, Bayonetta and Marcus Fenix] are his favorites and thus, his most used. He's also known to communicate with his monsters while they're on the field, and has even spoken to his opponent's monsters a few times.)

Duel Disk: A terracotta-colored "Battle City" model

D-Wheel: None

How long have you been teaching at Duel Academy: Between 1-2 year(s)

 

Personality: A relaxed individual who cares deeply for his students, and sees value in all people and things. Despite his calm, cheerful and even mischievous demeanor, he will, at times, exhibit a fiercer attitude whenever he or his students are in danger. He'll do whatever it takes for his students to succeed (within reason, of course). (voiced by Dan Green)

 

Bio: Alexander Abernathy is a dimension-hopping Lombax who has been traveling for over twenty years. He signed up as a teacher at Duel Academy after stumbling into this dimension, and was assigned as a teacher of the low-level Slifer Red Dorm, which he was more than happy to accept. When not on duty, he takes time to make quick visits to other dimensions, often slipping in and out without notice. In addition to the regular curriculum, he also teaches his students about the stories behind certain cards, such as the story of Gagagigo (he quizzes them, too).

 

Anything Else?: As a result of his dimension-hopping, he has developed an "illness" that could eventually claim his very existence. Tell-tale signs include feeling sharp pains, as well as his body seeming to "lose focus" for split seconds at a time.

 

He also has an appreciation for music (plays the piano), and is a very good cook (not five-star level, but his cooking is better than the quality of Slifer Red's food in previous years).

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

[spoiler=Luisa DeLane]Name: Luisa DeLane

Gender: Female

Appearance: 17 years old at 5'5", has reddish-brown hair that is tied-up in a ponytail and brown eyes. Wears a short-sleeved jacket and a frilled mini skirt, platform shoes and thigh-high stockings. Her uniform has white as its main color and Ra Yellow as its secondary.

Group: Student

Dorm: Second Year Ra Yellow

Deck: Wildheart Deck (Focuses on Elemental Hero Wildheart and its Fusion/Synchros [i'll be supplying the Synchros])

Duel Spirit: Elemental Hero Wildheart

Bio{optional}:

D-Wheel: Sun-yellow Duel Board

 

Other: Is a reporter for the Academy's blog, "The Daily Kuriboh". She's also rather fond of her Duel Spirit.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

[spoiler="Fenrir" (Wolfram Collingwood)]Name: "Fenrir" (real name: Wolfram Collingwood)

Gender: Male

Appearance: 6 feet, 6 inches tall, with muscular, athletic build. Has dark-blue hair with a few grey streaks (despite being estimated at around 32 years of age), piercing grey eyes, pronounced canine-teeth, and slightly pointed ears. Wears only tattered jeans and a faded Duel Academy jacket (though it appears to be a Slifer Red jacket). Is also rather hairy.

Group: ? (Speculated to have once been a teacher)

Dorm: judging from the jacket that he carries around with him, he may have been a Slifer Red

Deck: Lycan Swarm (uses mainly wolf/werewolf-like monsters). Will later come across, and use, a Chaos-themed deck that still has werewolf-like monsters.

Duel Spirit: Lycanthrope

Bio{optional}: Not much is know about this strange individual, except: 1) He may have been teaching at the Academy roughly seven years ago before his disappearance, 2) He now believes himself to be a werewolf and thus only appears (and Duels) at night, 3) He tends to be more aggressive and bloodthirsty during full moons, and 4) Refuses to be tamed.

D-Wheel: none (Ground Duels only)

 

Other: Its been speculated that he's been the one who breaks into the DA kitchens to steal food. Speaks in a growled, cockney British accent.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

 

[spoiler=Nat Viridian]Name: Nat Viridian

Gender: Male

Appearance: 18 years old, 6'3", average build. Blonde hair with green highlights, and brown eyes. Half of his uniform jacket is green. Uses a nature-themed Duel Disk

Group: Student

Dorm: Obelisk Blue

Deck: Naturia Deck

Duel Spirit: Naturia Beast

Bio{optional}:

D-Wheel: Duel Board with a wooden design

 

Other: Has a mainly vegetarian diet (doesn't mind eating meat, but not a lot of it). Despite portraying himself as a serious individual, he does possess a more gentle and even carefree personality on occasion.

 

[bury the year]

Guess I'll bite at reviewing.

 

The first one looks interesting, but I feel that the personality could be expanded upon more. Since he's so relaxed, I think it'd be fun if you gave Alex some playful quirks, like leaning back in his chair and putting his legs on the table while teaching. (Just an example.) He comes off as a really "chill" character who takes things in stride, so I also think you should mention how he reacts when he gets really flustered or overwhelmed with something he can't handle.

 

When it comes to his deck, the fact that he uses a lot of low-level or otherwise "weak" monsters (didn't check the links, so forgive me if I'm wrong and they are strong and/or synergistic) must mean that he's a good strategist in order to have gotten a teaching job at a high-end dueling academy. Explaining his strategy a bit more would help in this area.

 

I'm a bit worried on his ability to communicate with Duel Monsters and the random "illness." You didn't mention if Duel Spirits seem to be common in the RP so far, so if they are, that's excusable. Same thing with the illness - if it's an otherwise-established piece of his race, I'm cool with it, but otherwise I'd recommend removing it. It'd break the canon of the species.

 

Your last three apps unfortunately don't have enough for me to really dig into. Add some more and flesh out all of the areas, and then we can talk. ;3

[Roblixinator]

i dont know if many of you play spectrobes games, but im making a spectrobes rpg anyway.

The link is - http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/242779-spectrobes-counter-attack-not-startedalways-accepting/page__p__5068058#entry5068058

 

This take place at present time, when slavery came back.Once Clause finds a weird object, he ends up realeasing two spectrobes.He soon learns its called a prizmod and some N.P.P. officers come and Clause joins the N.P.P.Eventully on a flight to Doldogo in the Kaio system, he meets the driver of the star cruiser a 15-year-old boy named Tyler.

[bury the year]

Although I appreciate someone actually using this thread, this is for reviewing RP characters, not for advertising your RP. Please take your posts somewhere else. :3