Desu the Blue Nerd Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 Just doing the same thing the Arrow might do, in my own way. Oh, I see. -___-They're the personalities of their respective stanzas, but they then became a little too real. Me no smarticle. Engish pwease? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thar Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 Me no smarticle. Engish pwease? They each have their own style, and interacting with them makes them real. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Warden Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 No, they just happen to contain parts of my personality, I grew up mostly with my two sisters and my mother. I'm by all accounts 1/3rd a woman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desu the Blue Nerd Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 Oh, I see. Well if you want to bring them in go ahead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thar Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 2 sisters and your mother, including you, that makes 4. So doesn't that make you 1/4th woman? @DD: Now that you gave me your opinion, by "expressing my ideas", what exactly made it unsatisfactory? You told me it was generic and predictable. What does the first paragraph lack that could make you more interested? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simping For Hina Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 It lacks everything. Like I said. It is basically, "Let me tell you the perfect town. OWAIT, yeah, there is a major fault in it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Warden Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 Japanimation stuff always gets me frazzled, I stopped reading after the first sentence. I REALLY don't want to bring them in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desu the Blue Nerd Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 Then don't bring them in. We can't force you. I think it'd be interesting but we can not force you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Warden Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 As I'm saying, I'd rather not bring them in. I can contain them, but you wouldn't want Brokelle criticizing your fashion sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thar Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 It lacks everything. Like I said. It is basically, "Let me tell you the perfect town. OWAIT, yeah, there is a major fault in it." Perfect town? Where is that read in between the lines? I had absolutely no intention of that approach. Fault? I see no fault, rather just an event that marked the turning point of the origin. Basically, you're judging a person's writing just because it's not perfect. So can you redirect me to a work that'd be a good example of what you are entailing? Also, I'm not complaining that you don't like my work. I'm just telling you that the way you describe it's flaws are downright frank cause the first few words bored you to death. Then don't bring them in. We can't force you. I think it'd be interesting but we can not force you. Thank you for keeping this place just a little quieter for my slumber. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simping For Hina Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 I know, I hate Desu's as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desu the Blue Nerd Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 What's wrong with my fashion sense? -__- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simping For Hina Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 Perfect town? Where is that read in between the lines? I had absolutely no intention of that approach. Fault? I see no fault, rather just an event that marked the turning point of the origin. Basically, you're judging a person's writing just because it's not perfect. So can you redirect me to a work that'd be a good example of what you are entailing? Also, I'm not complaining that you don't like my work. I'm just telling you that the way you describe it's flaws are downright frank cause the first few words bored you to death.Let me break it down to you. The town of Nakashibetsu, JapanJapanese names? Oh interesting, that has not been down by every person before. Is it because of the history of that place? Did you do your research reviewing that place? Interesting. You're basing it off of a town that has no history? Make it up, huh? sat below several clouds Oh. Interesting. Can you be more descriptive? I don't understand the setting. A town in Japan the is under clouds. How many towns are like that? - clouds that hid what was already a quiet environment. Dash? No. Quiet environment with blood stained streets. So fighting has taken place, but just hasn't been for a while? Oh I get it. It is a t- Wait. What time does it take place in? Lives were lived normally.So blood is normal in the lives that were lived by these people. Okay, so realistic. I want to be here, you know, a place where blood on every street implied in this town is normal. Everyone was committed to their duties.Duties. Killing was there duty? Fun. Assassin based? Assassin has the word ass and you are making mine hurt by simple reading this. I like my ass hurting sometimes, but not like this. However, the streets were stained with blood.What a great town. Everything is normal. Blood stained streets are as well. Why would the writer create diction with the word "However", though? That makes no sense. OH. Because he wants to create an issue early on by introducing a great town that people seem to love and not notice the bloody streets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Warden Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 Nothing, but trust me, she'd find somehting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desu the Blue Nerd Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 I'm scared already...and not just because it's a girl... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simping For Hina Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 I still want to meet her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thar Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 Okay, now you're just being ridiculous. The town of Nakashibetsu, JapanJapanese names? Oh interesting, that has not been down by every person before.Again with the pervasive expectations for originality. Did you really expect me to knock you off your seat?Is it because of the history of that place? Did you do your research reviewing that place? Interesting. You're basing it off of a town that has no history?I would have gone deeper into the history, but there was nothing much to base off of.Make it up, huh?It's fiction. Since when is that an issue? sat below several clouds Oh. Interesting. Can you be more descriptive?Sure. It is a city and there are clouds in the sky. What more is there to say?I don't understand the setting. A town in Japan the is under clouds. How many towns are like that?On a cloudy day, quite a bit, actually. - clouds that hid what was already a quiet environment. Dash? No.Got me on that one.Quiet environment with blood stained streets. So fighting has taken place, but just hasn't been for a while?Pretty much. But you seem to have a problem with how I stated it. Yet again, I don't blame you.Oh I get it. It is a t- Wait. What time does it take place in?Who cares about the time? It's in the middle of the day. Would you prefer night? Man. Lives were lived normally.So blood is normal in the lives that were lived by these people. Okay, so realistic.I never said it was normal to them. I just said they were used to it at the time. It took place years ago, so you would think that they'd gotten over it in that time span.I want to be here, you know, a place where blood on every street implied in this town is normal.*facepalm* Not every street. It's like you take everything literally. Everyone was committed to their duties.Duties. Killing was there duty? Fun. Assassin based?Where in the first paragraph does it say that the civilians are assassins? Honestly, you assume way to much.Assassin has the word ass and you are making mine hurt by simple reading this. I like my ass hurting sometimes, but not like this.*claps* Nice segue. Very nice. However, the streets were stained with blood.What a great town. Everything is normal. Blood stained streets are as well.I'm sensing some Deja-Vu here...Why would the writer create diction with the word "However", though? That makes no sense.Because it makes sense to me, which usually carries out to the people who read it. But based on how you interpreted it, my guess is you wouldn't understand.OH. Because he wants to create an issue early on by introducing a great town that people seem to love and not notice the bloody streets.A great closer to a bias critique. Not gonna lie. That whole thing was totally pointless imo. All you did really was turn everything literal, break it apart, and shatter it with your expectations. It's like you're not impressed by anything. Plus it was probably just 95% pure frustration on my ass just because I asked for advice in defense. Nonetheless, this is not worth arguing about. A story is a story. We all have our tastes. Good day, now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Warden Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 That is such a Swift thing to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thar Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 That is such a Swift thing to say. I'm trying not to make it personal. It's all about execution of the critique for me, and the way DD put it was incredibly literal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simping For Hina Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 Aw. Look at Brothar trying to do a Desu and fail. Look. Everything I said in there is exactly true. 1: Making up history on a place that has none, you might as well make up the place as well. If you think of a place, stick to it. That is a thing. No matter what kind of fiction it is. 2: A city under the clouds is boring and throws off the entire outlook of the story. It creates a scene that is the only possible imagine. It is not just the scene, but the way you put it. Cloudy. Good or Bad. You left it open ended, which disrupts flow when reading to last sentence. 3: The problem is not how you stated it, but what you wanted to get across. There is no continuation of a story to follow by since the story has no background. A prologue is an introduction and you are not introducing anything. 4: Not that time, time period. It is a big part of history, if you cannot introduce that properly, your story is improper itself. 5: Do you understand what the word, "implied" means? 6: If it makes sense to you, then keep it that way and don't post it to the internet. It has to make sense to the readers when you do so. Interpretation of a reader and writer are different. 7: Completely unbiased. I have nothing against you, but against the story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desu the Blue Nerd Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 So, are we really calling when somebody does that a Desu? Sweet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simping For Hina Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 I'm trying not to make it personal. It's all about execution of the critique for me, and the way DD put it was incredibly literal.Don't take such an annoying approach. So, are we really calling when somebody does that a Desu? Sweet.Because you do it properly :3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yang Xiao-Long Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 So, are we really calling when somebody does that a Desu? Sweet. Speaking of fan-fics, I'm tempted to have my little short story reviewed here, but at the same I don't ._.Speaking of short stories, when is that short story thread gonna go up, Desu? ._. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simping For Hina Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 Speaking of fan-fics, I'm tempted to have my little short story reviewed here, but at the same I don't ._.Speaking of short stories, when is that short story thread gonna go up, Desu? ._.Want me to look at it? :3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yang Xiao-Long Posted December 3, 2011 Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 Want me to look at it? :3 Gimme a minute to PM it to you then xDUnless Desu wants to see it as well, in which case I could just post it here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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