Legend of the Banishers

[cyber force cosmic]

[b][center]Legend of the banishers[/center][/b]

[b]
Intro:[/b]

Many millennia ago, a great and fierce war was waged. A war, of epic proportions. Six powerful entities know as the banishes sought to conquer the universe. Each with their own speciality. Banishers of Light, Dark, Earth, Fire, Wind and Water. After the fall of the banishers, their names, where removed from history, and their bodies, annihilated, but their essence remains, scattered in the corners of the universe. Their adversaries vanished. To this day they remain in secret, their legacy passed on through generations, should the banishers ever return.

On this very day, events will take place which will become a beacon of opportunity for the banishers return. Our home, planet earth, will become the banishers beacon, as a successful card game known as Duel Monsters will serve as their battle grounds. As past Gods have risen and fallen through the game of duel monsters. The banishers saw this as their best hope of resurrection. All that was required is for new bodies from which they could take form, and once again, embark on a voyage to destroy, and conquer.

The location of their new battle ground was not the regular city, this city had become the forefront of continually fuelling the ongoing saga a game to all duel monsters. Chimera city, a place where competition thrives. It is that very same competition with invoked the new ideas to keep the flow of the game from grinding to a halt. The very same competition which the Banishers sought. The company running the Island known as Endeavour Industries was the source of the ideas that were constantly spawning. However. As time had pasted the designers had become frail and withered, and their ocean of ideas became dry.

The current president of Endeavour Industries, Mr Hatargi, devised a radical solution. A tournament of duel monsters like no other, for which the ever growing success of duel monsters can continue. This therefore left a ray of opportunity for the Banishers. They knew that if they could infiltrate the tournament they could recreate themselves using the raw energy provoked by competition, know as flux. The flux over time had accumulated, left unused for centuries, a meal left as a feast for the Banishers.

The only thing that could stop the banishers resurrection, where their adversaries descendants. Having a large amount of time had past very few of their decedents were left, making it almost impossible to find the ones capable of bringing down Banishers. All that was needed, was to gather together those who wielded the raw potential and desire that they once had, and defeat the banishers before they could obtain their goal of destroying the universe.







[b]Chapter 1: Time to go[/b]
In every journey of ones life, they are to encounter a beginning. All begin their life the same, and grow to develop their own path of life. Upon their journey they are to encounter many and unforeseen obstacles which dare to divert them from their cause. Those who dare to challenge the diversions of life prosper. Where as those who concede, lack ambition, dedication and devotion. Such is and always has been the way of life. When the time comes for one to decide, they choose their outcome as to how they shall live, and those who don’t, lack the will to live.

For many upon our world these decisions are constant occurrences, such is what lead us to a thriving metropolis we call our home. Our world is constantly changing, with each passing day rises new ambition and new decisions to cast. One such decision long ago, the creation of duel monsters, now thrives in our world, as one of our most treasured icons, having existed since Egyptian times. As the game descended through time, it evolved, producing never ending the stream of diversity. Each who chose their own, to make their own decks, comprised of their choices, choices which effect their future.

However such an icon much near its end, an end only few know, but with every end, comes new beginning. And for a few hopefuls, a new beginning is just beyond the horizon.

“Attack now” shouted a large demanding voice, echoing from the depths Chimera city. “destroy his monster and wipe out the rest of his life points”.

“Not so fast, I play the trap draining shield”, replied another voice. “This cancels your attack and I gain its attack points”.

Over time our decisions cause conflict. Some crave the conflict, where as other avoid it. However games such as duel monsters allowed conflict will little consequences. Still, there were those who used it for personal gain, with foul intention.

As a massive explosion occurred as a indigo robed pale coloured skeleton collided with a shield. Behind the metallic green shield stood a mighty machine armed with an array of weapons, composed of 3 machines of red yellow and blue. Beyond the skyscrapers, two teenagers where duelling in the city centre. One, wearing a dark cape, and even darker clothes, with long flowing black hair, dark navy blue eyes, and a cold stare. The other, wearing a blue jacket laced in white, along with black trousers, spiky blond hair, and the most ruby coloured eyes. The boy in blue spoke out with confidence.

“Face it Cole, your bag of bones is no match for my XYZ dragon cannon”, while the other in black replied

“You seen to forget that due to King of Skull Servant’s effect, his attack points are 3000, which means you only a few attacks away from defeat”


A solid smirk appeared on Cole’s face only to be wiped off by what Michel said next.
“It’s my turn….. Draw…… and what a draw”, the grin was transferred from one face to another with little doubt. “I play the permanent spell Frontline Base”, Rising his hand up to the sky he held the card firmly and swiftly slotted it into a strange device known to all who duel as a duel disk. A white frame, detailed in red trims and blue patches bearing Technicolor lights cascading like it were an ocean.

“You cant, there’s no way” Cole had now become distort as he knew what comes next, but his voice did not tremble.

“Now I can special summon 1 union monster once per turn. I play V-tiger jet, and special summon W- wing catapult”. V-Tiger jet if a Level 4 Light attribute monster with 1600 Attack points and 1800 defence points. A tiger like aircraft green wings red glaring eyes with black and yellow stripes. W-Wing catapult is a Level 4 Light attribute monster with 1300 Attack points and 1500 defence points. A large blue bomber style vessel of similar size. Both the two craft like monsters floated there as there was calm silence in the atmosphere.“Now using the two, I can form a greater monster, the VW-tiger catapult”.

VW-Tiger Catapult is a level 6 Light attribute Machine effect monster with 2100 attack points and 2000 defence points. The two monsters merged into 1, as the tiger craft aligned above the blue bomber. Catches released and spoke pouring out as the two slowly fused into a single being. “Now I activate its effect, by discarding 1 card, I change that decade bag of bones to defence mode”. Panels slid back on the top of the bomber section as four missals launched in billowing spoke streams impacting the skeleton causing it to cross its arms as kneel down. “with that I combine my VW with XYZ to form the ultimate VWXYZ Dragon Catapult Cannon”.

The two large machine shot up into the sky as both dismantled and reassembled with an almighty clan in a flurry of sparks and smoke. All from outside of everyone’s sight, before it cam charging down to earth slamming the ground with its fist in a cloud of dust. The dust reviled a far greater humanoid machine was formed using the two others, dwarfing its surroundings, layered with a number of projectile weapons with cold staring red eyes firmly sighted towards Cole.

VWXYZ Dragon Catapult Cannon is a level 8 Light attribute Machine effect fusion monster with 3000 attack and defence points.

“Now with the magic of Fairy Meteor Crush you no longer safe from its wrath, as any difference in points for attack against your defence is dealt as damage. Its been fun, you played well, but now I will end this” Michel raised his arm and shouted “Attack my most powerful machine and wipe out……….”. Before he could finish a voice shouted from the nearby shadowed area.

“WAIT”, as the two turned over they saw a small robed man, who stood before them, with un-known intent, and no sign of fear.“You know not what you do”. Both Cole and Michel looked puzzled towards each other, baffled by his words.


“What do you want old man” said Cole. “Cant we enjoy a duel”. The old man replied with deep meaning.

“Things are far greater than you think” the old man stared at both, while they stared back showing sign of interest.

“So what exactly is going on?” said Michel with a curious voice “Can I just finish this first”

The old man sighed as he dropped his head slightly, while waving his hand. “Very well”.

The skeleton disappeared like shattering glass as it was struck down by a might burst lightning. The large behemoth that dominated the stage faded away as Cole’s life points dropped to 0. The two began to walk towards the old man, whispering to each other discreetly.

“Who is this guy, he seems a bit nuts”

“Probably, but let listen to what he has to say” replied Michel. As the two approached, there stood there with merciless eyes and curiosity.

“So what exactly are you trying to tell us?” said Cole

The old man replied softly and calmly“Your destiny”

“Our what” said Michel. “This better be worth my time”

“You must listen boy” snapped the elderly man “Or there will no longer be time” all fell silent momentarily “An ancient enemy of existence is out for revenge, and is coming to our world”

“So what’s duelling got do with it?” asked Cole

“It is not duelling” replied the old man. Both Michel and Cole looked puzzled and both said.

“Well what dose then” snapped Cole, startling the old man.

“I’m sorry, my time is limited so we shall have to meet again” As the old man began to turn around, before he could walk off Michel reached his hand onto his shoulder.

“Wait” he said. “What does this have to with us?”. Still facing away from the two of them the old man slightly lowered his head.

“I am not at liberty to speak of that matter just yet”. He then shrug his shoulder causing Michel to release his hand and began to walk away.


“Don’t worry about him Michel, he‘s probably just another crack pot” said Cole “Best to just let him go, he would only waste our time” Michel only turned around smoothly

“I know that, but…..”. A brief pause fell over the atmosphere as Michel hesitated “I get the feeling there is some importance to this”. The old man suddenly stopped in his tracks as he turned around to look at Michel. “I don’t know what it is, but deep down… I can see something in what he is saying”.

“But what if this guy is just out to con us into something” Replied Cole. The old man continued to watch as he slowly walked back over to them.

“I know it seems odd, but I don’t see this guy as that sort of person”

“Then why has he gone to the trouble of hiding his face from us with that cloak, that just screams suspicious to me”.

“Just take a look around you for a moment” said Michel. Cole looked all over the city centre see nothing but other standing there doing exactly as they themselves had been doing before the old man showed up. “You see that….he came to us for a reason, he could have done the same to anyone here but instead chose us”. Cole turned back to Michel with a slight concerned but spiteful face. A momentary pause passed before Cole began to show a smile.

“I guess your right about that. He probably would come to us if he was trying to con someone”. Upon those words the two of them turned their attention towards the old man. “Well then, Michel here has convinced me that your intentions are not to con us. However we would like to know just why you chose us over the hundreds of people around us?”.

“Indeed, you are correct in thinking that. Just as well since I first need you to trust me before I may divulge into matters further”.

“So I take it you only walked away as a means of getting us to listen?” asked Cole in a confused manner.

“Again you are correct. I see I have the correct people I have been looking for”. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a strange compass like device with peculiar markings imbedded on the back. “Here take this”. He then held it out with a bony claw like hand towards the two of them. “I sense you are certainly who I have been looking for….however there are still another four I would like you to find”. Reaching his arm out as a sign of trust Michel accepted the strange compass like device.

“What is this thing for?” asked Cole “And do you know who the other four are?”. The old man only shook his head.

“I regret to say I don’t know who the others are”. Michel’s face showed disappointment while Cole held one hand over his face. “You will have to find them yourselves as my time is, unfortunately, limited. This device will help you to find them, and when you do meet me back here in the next few days”. The two stared at the device with puzzled faces, thinking what to do next. As they looked up, the old man had vanished with no trace.

“Man what have I been smoking, I thought he was right there” said Cole

“I find it odd that a random stranger would just suddenly stop us in a middle of a duel like that, it just plain rude” said Michel with disgust. “And just what is this junk he gave us anyway?”

“I’m not so sure, but its nothing like I’ve ever seen” replied Cole. “Maybe it could be worth something, ya know, flog it and see if we can get some more cards”. Michel only stared at Cole in silence. “Hmm, ok. Bad idea. Enough about the old man, lets get back to duelling”.

“Sounds like a plan mate” replied Michel in solitude. “After all, we cant enter the Master Mind Tournament unprepared now can we”.

Little did the two of them know that in that split decision to accept the devices from the old man, had now opened a door way, down a path of adventure, drama and betrayal. Triggering a chain of events, from which began with a simple gesture. As they walked over towards the centre of town square they placed a deice upon their wrist a duel disk, the holographic display became ignited in an array of colours.

As per ancient times this ritual of common enthusiasm and will power had been passed through centuries. Now as they readied to clash forces, they spoke one word, but one word, carried on through the dawn of its time. The both spoke the term.

“Duel”

From this battle commenced as the life point counter rose to 4000, and their duel disks engaged. Both placing their decks within the duel decks swiftly as what then shuffled rapidly, drawn were 5,cards from their deck and holding will of steel. One turn after another they fought honourably, each out witting the other at various stages, leads twisting and turning between the two, all the while they were surrounded by an array of others each performing the same ritual. Explosions, bangs, flashes and shattering glass echoed in the space of the city centre. They duelled constantly, never wanting to back away from a challenge, both fighting and pushing their limits. But like all good things, it came to end.

As darkness fell the constant raging of trash talk and immense battles came to a close. The two walked towards each other and shook hands with one another, appreciating and respecting the others attempts. As they looked towards each other in silence a distant sound could be herd not too far away. A constant blipping, fading in and out constantly, never ending bleeping droning on and on . As they turned over they noticed the compass lent to them by the old man left at the side of a nearby fountain, simply left their like common trash. This was the source of the sound now wildly flashing in yellow fading in and out like a shadow cast form a oscillating light.

“Hey what is that weird thing doing Michel?” asked Cole curiously. “I thought it was just a piece of junk”. Michel said nothing as he ran over to take a look, to see the compass juddering aggressively towards the East. Michel only stared with anxious eyes. Pondering just what this meant, as Cole slowly walked over.
“So what is it Michel, what is this thing”.

“I don’t know” replied Michel as he turned his head over to face Cole. “All I do know is that this is leading us towards something. As to what it is I cant be certain”. Slowly rising he glanced at the compass once more to see it still flickering and bleeping constantly. “My instincts are telling me we should see where it takes us”.

“Perhaps what the old man is true?” asked Cole. “I cant help but think, there are tones of crack pots out here just trying to waste our time, what makes this guy any different”. Michel only looked over in the direction of the compass as it shuddered.

“Truth or false, this means something, and I for one want to know what”. With those last words he charged off in the direction of the compass, while all Cole did was slump his shoulders and sigh, only to then follow him. Charging at a frantic pace the meter began to blip louder and faster, signalling they were closer to finding what it is the meter was looking for.

Turning round a nearby alleyway the two were suddenly became blocked by two thugs who sinisterly walked in front of them. Half covered by the towering buildings shadows all that could be seen were their blood shot eyes and tattered clothes. All they did was stop in their tracks, as the two thugs prepared them selves to duel.

“Say that’s an interesting piece of equipment you have there” said one of the thugs in a disturbingly aggressive voice. “Lets duel you guys for it”. Both Michel and Cole responded as requested, pulling out their duel disk which engaged and locked in place, displaying Technicolor lights once more. “Lets say we do this separately, I’ll take you on” he demanded, pointing over to Michel.

“You asked for it then, I’ll make the first move, as the defending party”. As he drew his first card he showed no sign of emotion, shielding his intentions to avoid revealing his plan. “Ok then” he shouted “I’ll play my Shining Angel in attack mode”. Shining Angel is a Lv4 Light attribute Fairy type monster with 1400ATK and 800 DEF. A male with a with robe and golden wings descended from the sky. “I now play 2 face downs and end”.


“Well is that all, I was expecting better, now its time to show you true power” replied the thug, still remaining confident. “I shall play Polymerisation, by using its magic powers I combine my 2 Cyber Ogres to form Cyber Ogre 2 in attack mode. Cyber Ogre 2 is a level 7 Earth attribute Machine type monster with 2600 ATK and 1900 DEF. A giant maniacal machine like fiend arose from the darkness, layered in a pale blue steel armour, and a demonic tail laced in spines and a iron jaw embracing its hardened green piercing eyes.

“Now thanks to his effect I can gain half the attack of a monster it attacks”. A momentary pause fell over as Cole began his attempt at defending from the second thug, who was currently smiling at the situation his fellow thug had devised.

“Well unlike my partner, I’m not as merciful, therefore I will take first turn. I will call upon my Reflect Bounder in attack mode”. Reflect Bounder is a level 4 Light attribute Machine monster with 1700 ATK and 100 DEF. A red caped being layered in circular mirrors arose from blinding light. “Now what I can do is play The Dark Door, and 2 faced downs”. Cole only sniggered, as the efforts of the thug only amused him.

“Well this will be a classic” said Cole in a some what pleased tone. “Light and darkness collide together once more in the heat of battle. Only this time. Darkness shall prevail……. I draw, and I play Armageddon Knight in attack mode” . Armageddon Knight is a level 4 Dark Attribute Warrior monster with 1400 ATK and 1200 DEF. A darkly armoured warrior dawning a red scarf and mighty sword showed itself on the field. “With that I can send Skull Servant to the grave”.

“Next I can play my Foolish burial sending yet another one of Skull Servants’ to the grave. Finally I play One for One, discarding my final servant, to summon the King of Skull Servants.

King of Skull Servants is a level 1 Dark attribute Zombie monster with 0 ATK and DEF. A pale grey skeleton slowly assembled its bones on the field cloaked in a dark purple robe. “Due to his effect his attack is now 3000, as all 3 Skull Servants are in my grave.

While the stage had been set the two thugs only glanced at each other, both believing they had the upper hand. While they continued to snigger at each other. However their smugness was not to be, as one soon became shocked from what Cole said next.

“I Activate spell card, Enemy controller”, the smug look had been erased clean from the thugs face. “Since I know Reflect bounders effect only works while in attack mode, I’ll be taking you Reflect Bounder at the cost of my own Knight. This now means your wide open for a direct attack”

The thug now became paralysed in fear as he began to slowly back away with terror in his eyes. That’s not possible…although he still cant finish me just yet. He can only attack once leaving me with 1000 left, after which my monster returns to me, if he attacks again with my Rising Energy trap card, I’ll boost his monsters attack thus meaning its game over. Should he try and destroy my Dark door my Destruction Jammer will prevent it from happening. “You seem to have forgot that The Dark Door means you cant end this now”.

“Oh really” Replied Cole “I play Axe of Despair, giving my King of Skull Servants a grand total of 4000” Fearing a loss the thug began to flee from sight. “Don’t think you can escape me that easy, now my King, rid my sight of this clown” The skeleton began to move as it were one with the shadows creeping ahead of the thug to foiled his escape. As he tried to flee the skeleton grabbed a hold of him so they faced each other. “I could be rather mean to you, so instead…..”. While there was brief pause the thug was left there quaking in fear. So to put him in his place Cole decided to play around with him.

“BOO”, the skeleton shot eyes out its head as its tongue flailed about while its jaw was dancing from its head. The very sight of this terrified the thug causing him to dart off at a frantic pace. All the other thug do was look on in dismay as his so called friend left him behind.

“I’m still here” said Michel “And it is still your turn”. The thug briefly paused as he then pointed towards Michel shouting his command.

“Go now, clip that birds wings and bring it down to earth”. The tall demonic looking armoured fiend glinted its eyes charging with fist drawn connecting with the angel. “And by playing my Limiter Removal I can now double its attack, ending this game right now”. A massive clash occurred as the angel became nothing more than fairy dust, as all that could be heard was the thug laughing maniacally. This was soon halted as he still saw Michel standing there un touched.

“Don’t be so sure, for you see I played my face down, defence draw. This cancels battle damage and allowing my draw 1 more card, oh and by the way, your monster is now scrap after its reckless charge due to your spell. As an added bonus I get the effect of my angel, allowing me to summon Y-Dragon Head, and my face down, soul rope, lets me summon X-head Cannon at the cost of 1000 life points”.

Y-Dragon Head is a level 4 Light attribute Machine monster with 1500 ATK and 1600 DEF. A red plated dragon spawned from the fairy dust with sparking ocean blue eyes unleashing a prideful roar . X-Head Cannon is a level 4 Light attribute Machine monster with 1800 ATK and 1500 DEF. A machine rose from a golden rope, coloured in vibrant blue and yellow with flaring fiery eyes, wielding 2 massive cannon like weapons while banging its hands together.

“I’ll then play 1 card facedown and end”, replied the thug, now dropping his head in despair while still hiding a smirk. Soon as he plays his another monster I’ll play call of the haunted, reviving my Ogre, With that, its next attack, will boost its power. Next turn I’ll wipe him out.
“My move, and I play my Z-Metal Tank”. Z-Metal Tank is a level 4 Light attribute Machine monster with 1300 ATK and 1500 DEF. A tank emerged on the field in a cloud of smoke gleaming brightly in metallic yellow with two charged up cannons ready to unleash a bolt of lightning at will. The thug suddenly interrupted.

“I play my face down, Call of the Haunted, reviving my Cyber Ogre 2. Weren’t expecting that were you, now you have to take down my mighty Ogre to win”. all Michel did was snigger with confidence. This only rose a look of uncertainty upon the thugs face. “What you laughing about?” snapped the thug.

“Well its you of course, don’t think I would be stupid enough to attack that monstrosity, not matter how ugly it is”. Michel suddenly rose his arm and pointed towards the sky as X-Head cannon and Z-Metal tank lunched into the air. “Now watch and learn” Closing his eyes he then recited a speech of which brought about a revelation in the atmosphere “Those who stand alone become a single entity, merge to form a greater force, become our bond and unite us in battle. I call upon. XZ-Tank Cannon”.

XZ-Tank Cannon is a level 6 Light attribute Machine monster with 2400ATK and 2100 DEF. The large tank and massive gun wielding machine joined together, connecting in a flurry of sparks to become a single entity.

“Now by playing its special ability, I can discard 1 card to destroy your Call of the Haunted, turning that walking pile of scrap back to just plain scrap” With the life support used to keep his fiend alive, with it gone it collapsed and decayed to rubble and dust. “Now your wide open, and with the magic of “my” limiter removal, it now doubles the attack of all my machine types”. Michel now directed his hand towards the thug with his now supercharge monster looming over his shoulder. “So go now, strike him down with all your might and cleanse this scum from my sight”.

The newly formed machine aimed its cannons at the thug. As he tried to run away, the sight lock on its visor now became fully focused, and locked onto its target. A whirring sound could now be heard growing ever louder and a bright light appeared at the end of the two cannons before blasting a bolt of white light in the thugs direction hammering him to the ground. Having his duel the remaining thug had now fled the scene, as both Cole and Michel were left standing, shaking each others hand before turning they attention back towards the now screaming meter. Looking down at the quaking gauge as Michel then posed the obvious question.

“I’m not so sure what it is we got ourselves into. No matter what this means, we shall stand, and confront whatever comes our way. It’s time to find our what this device has been leading us too”.

_____________________________________________________________________

[Supreme Gamesmaster]

a) Conventions fix needed. Badly.
B) So... why are they called the Banishers? I presume they banish things, but...
c) Massive tense confusion w/Duel.
d) The Duel is a valiant attempt at prose, but the little placard thingies should be acceptable.


And now, I shall attempt to use a rubric to rate a story, which is rather difficult, completely biased, and involves math.
Conventions: D (see A)
Characters: C (The protagonist's arrogance is evident and can be developed as a fatal flaw later, but IDK if that was intentional. Old guy's dialogue sucks.)
Plot: D (Why are they called the Banishers? Old guy's dialogue sucks.)
Effort: D (The Duel was a nice try, but obviously, there was no proofreading at all, and one character's name changes repeatedly.)
Overall: D (It's very, very hard to read.)
SCORE: [b]36% -- D[/b]
Comments: The sad part is, that's far from the worst this forum has to offer. >_>

[cyber force cosmic]

[quote name='Supreme Gamesmaster' timestamp='1295212679' post='4939112']
a) Conventions fix needed. Badly.
So... why are they called the Banishers? I presume they banish things, but...
c) Massive tense confusion w/Duel.
d) The Duel is a valiant attempt at prose, but the little placard thingies should be acceptable.


And now, I shall attempt to use a rubric to rate a story, which is rather difficult, completely biased, and involves math.
Conventions: D (see A)
Characters: C (The protagonist's arrogance is evident and can be developed as a fatal flaw later, but IDK if that was intentional. Old guy's dialogue sucks.)
Plot: D (Why are they called the Banishers? Old guy's dialogue sucks.)
Effort: D (The Duel was a nice try, but obviously, there was no proofreading at all, and one character's name changes repeatedly.)
Overall: D (It's very, very hard to read.)
SCORE: [b]36% -- D[/b]
Comments: The sad part is, that's far from the worst this forum has to offer. >_>
[/quote]

thanx for thee info, as on fan fi, only 1 person has actually been kind enough to carry on. The banishers are going be looked into, like where they'er from and what they do later on in the story. I'll have a look through and make some chages. It would be nice if i could others to take a look as well though so i can get different opinions, as a single opinion is idfficault to reform my work.

[quote name='Supreme Gamesmaster' timestamp='1295212679' post='4939112']
a) Conventions fix needed. Badly.
So... why are they called the Banishers? I presume they banish things, but...
c) Massive tense confusion w/Duel.
d) The Duel is a valiant attempt at prose, but the little placard thingies should be acceptable.


And now, I shall attempt to use a rubric to rate a story, which is rather difficult, completely biased, and involves math.
Conventions: D (see A)
Characters: C (The protagonist's arrogance is evident and can be developed as a fatal flaw later, but IDK if that was intentional. Old guy's dialogue sucks.)
Plot: D (Why are they called the Banishers? Old guy's dialogue sucks.)
Effort: D (The Duel was a nice try, but obviously, there was no proofreading at all, and one character's name changes repeatedly.)
Overall: D (It's very, very hard to read.)
SCORE: [b]36% -- D[/b]
Comments: The sad part is, that's far from the worst this forum has to offer. >_>
[/quote]

Oh yeah, when you say conversation fix needed, do you think you could be a little more descriptive by what you mean. Cause I can fix them if i dont know whats wrong with them. Again this was sorta rushed. I think i will re post this chapter in a weeks time with the improvements, so hopefully it will be better now that ive got some idea of what needs doing, and thanx for replying ^^.

[Supreme Gamesmaster]

Well, you took that well.

Old guy's dialogue is pretty darn unoriginal, dood. Seems like pretty much every other mysterious old guy I've read about.

[cyber force cosmic]

Ok then, thanks for the notice, i'll try and change his character to make him a rather originall shift character. Hopefully once i get past this hurdel the other chapters should look better.

[DARKPLANT RISING]

[spoiler=Review][b][color="#FF0000"]Time to troll, Kenta![/color]

Hey, why do you assume that from the start, Yami?

[color="#FF0000"]I mean, he's asking for a review, and looking at his siggy, it's time for a foe fic. [/color]

No wait, let's look.

But before that, prologues fail. They're embodiments of unoriginality. I recommend fitting it into the chapters in one way or another. Readers don't get upset upon being confused as long as the plot is good. Example: Neon Genesis Evangelion[/b]

Chapter 1: Time to go
In every journey of ones life, they are to encounter a beginning. All begin their life the same, and grow to develop their own path of life. Upon their journey they are to encounter many and unforeseen obstacles which dare to divert them from their cause. Those who dare to challenge the diversions of life prosper. Where as those who concede, lack ambition, dedication and devotion. Such is and always has been the way of life. When the time comes for one to decide, they choose their outcome as to how they shall live, and those who don’t, lack the will to live.
[b]I suppose these sorts of openings are made to look cool. It does suceed. However, at the same time, 90% the readers will skip all this.[/b]

For many upon our world these decisions are constant occurrences, such is what lead us to a thriving metropolis we call our home. Our world is constantly changing, with each passing day rises new ambition and new decisions to cast. One such decision long ago, the creation of duel monsters, now thrives in our world, as one of our most treasured icons, having existed since Egyptian times. As the game descended through time, it evolved, producing never ending the stream of diversity. Each who chose their own, to make their own decks, comprised of their choices, choices which effect their future.
[b]I see the word "duel monsters". This part, since I'm actually reading, is, in my opinion, plain obvious. It's like saying in the first episode of Thomas the Tank Engine that Thomas is a train, and trains are made to transport people.[/b]

However such an icon much near its end, an end only few know, but with every end, comes new beginning. And for a few hopefuls, a new beginning is just beyond the horizon.

[b]Grammar the weird here is.[/b]

“Attack now” shouted a large demanding voice, echoing from the depths Chimera city. “destroy his monster and wipe out the rest of his life points”.

[b]Okay, so for one thing, grammar is your main problem.[/b]

“Not so fast, I play the trap draining shield”, replied another voice. “This cancels your attack and I gain its attack points”.

[b]I suppose Dimensional Prison is better, but since this is a fic it goes.[/b]

Over time our decisions cause conflict. Some crave the conflict, where as other avoid it. However games such as duel monsters allowed conflict will little consequences. Still, there were those who used it for personal gain, with foul intention.

[b]One thing. Narration is boring. It makes you sleep. It doesn’t go the way narrators in fantasy movie commercials or Discovery Channel go. [/b]

As a massive explosion occurred as a indigo robed pale coloured skeleton collided with a shield. Behind the metallic green shield stood a mighty machine armed with an array of weapons, composed of 3 machines of red yellow and blue. Beyond the skyscrapers

[b]I suppose this is another error, but “Beyond the skyscrapers” doesn’t make sense.[/b]

, two teenagers where duelling in the city centre. One, wearing a dark cape, and even darker clothes, with long flowing black hair, dark navy blue eyes, and a cold stare.

[b]I activate the Trap Card, Unorthodox Fiction. Only YGO cards are allowed to use the word “Dark” three times in a single sentence.[/b]

The other, wearing a blue jacket laced in white, along with black trousers, spiky blond hair, and the most ruby coloured eyes. The boy in blue spoke out with confidence.

“Face it Cole, your bag of bones is no match for my XYZ dragon cannon”, while the other in black replied

“You seen to forget that due to King of Skull Servant’s effect, his attack points are 3000, which means you only a few attacks away from defeat”

[b]I can see this guy is trying to look cool. Unfortunately, the author’s lack of periods make this look like some idiot.[/b]

A solid smirk appeared on Cole’s face only to be wiped off by what Michel said next.
“It’s my turn….. Draw…… and what a draw”, the grin was transferred from one face to another with little doubt. “I play the permanent spell Frontline Base”, Rising his hand up to the sky he held the card firmly and swiftly slotted it into a strange device known to all who duel as a duel disk.

[b][color="#FF0000"]Excuse me, what is a duel disk?[/color]

Shut up Yami, everyone here obviously knows that a Duel Disk is. That means there’s no reason to explain what it is, and – oh, sorry, I’m talking to the TC right now.[/b]

A white frame, detailed in red trims and blue patches bearing Technicolor lights cascading like it were an ocean.

“You cant, there’s no way” Cole had now become distort as he knew what comes next, but his voice did not tremble.

“Now I can special summon 1 union monster once per turn. I play V-tiger jet, and special summon W- wing catapult”. V-Tiger jet if a Level 4 Light attribute monster with 1600 Attack points and 1800 defence points. A tiger like aircraft green wings red glaring eyes with black and yellow stripes. W-Wing catapult is a Level 4 Light attribute monster with 1300 Attack points and 1500 defence points. A large blue bomber style vessel of similar size. Both the two craft like monsters floated there as there was calm silence in the atmosphere.“Now using the two, I can form a greater monster, the VW-tiger catapult”.

VW-Tiger Catapult is a level 6 Light attribute Machine effect monster with 2100 attack points and 2000 defence points. The two monsters merged into 1, as the tiger craft aligned above the blue bomber. Catches released and spoke pouring out as the two slowly fused into a single being. “Now I activate its effect, by discarding 1 card, I change that decade bag of bones to defence mode”. Panels slid back on the top of the bomber section as four missals launched in billowing spoke streams impacting the skeleton causing it to cross its arms as kneel down. “with that I combine my VW with XYZ to form the ultimate VWXYZ Dragon Catapult Cannon”.

The two large machine shot up into the sky as both dismantled and reassembled with an almighty clan in a flurry of sparks and smoke. All from outside of everyone’s sight, before it cam charging down to earth slamming the ground with its fist in a cloud of dust. The dust reviled a far greater humanoid machine was formed using the two others, dwarfing its surroundings, layered with a number of projectile weapons with cold staring red eyes firmly sighted towards Cole.

VWXYZ Dragon Catapult Cannon is a level 8 Light attribute Machine effect fusion monster with 3000 attack and defence points.

[b]Right now we can see this guy called Michel is pro. For one, it’s a fail move to discard 1 for destruction of the Wight King via XYZ, then attack with XYZ, V, and W for game. For another, VWXYZ is only used for fun. By my standards being fun is better than being strong at the game. Therefore Michel is pro. [/b]

“Now with the magic of Fairy Meteor Crush you no longer safe from its wrath, as any difference in points for attack against your defence is dealt as damage. Its been fun, you played well, but now I will end this” Michel raised his arm and shouted “Attack my most powerful machine and wipe out……….”. Before he could finish a voice shouted from the nearby shadowed area.

[b]Oh, so this guy is just aiming to stop Battle Fader I assume. He’s more logical than thought. That plus dream is pro. Just pro.[/b]

“WAIT”, as the two turned over they saw a small robed man, who stood before them, with un-known intent, and no sign of fear.“You know not what you do”. Both Cole and Michel looked puzzled towards each other, baffled by his words.

[b]I’m sure “no sign of fear” was unneeded, assuming Cole and Michel aren’t terrorists from al Qaeda.[/b]

“What do you want old man” said Cole. “Cant we enjoy a duel”. The old man replied with deep meaning.

“Things are far greater than you think” the old man stared at both, while they stared back showing sign of interest.

“So what exactly is going on?” said Michel with a curious voice “Can I just finish this first”

The old man sighed as he dropped his head slightly, while waving his hand. “Very well”.

The skeleton disappeared like shattering glass as it was struck down by a might burst lightning. The large behemoth that dominated the stage faded away as Cole’s life points dropped to 0. The two began to walk towards the old man, whispering to each other discreetly.

“Who is this guy, he seems a bit nuts”

“Probably, but let listen to what he has to say” replied Michel. As the two approached, there stood there with merciless eyes and curiosity.

[b]Lack of description shatters the most intense suspense.[/b]

“So what exactly are you trying to tell us?” said Cole

The old man replied softly and calmly“Your destiny”

“Our what” said Michel. “This better be worth my time”

“You must listen boy” snapped the elderly man “Or there will no longer be time” all fell silent momentarily “An ancient enemy of existence is out for revenge, and is coming to our world”

“So what’s duelling got do with it?” asked Cole

“It is not duelling” replied the old man. Both Michel and Cole looked puzzled and both said.

“Well what dose then” snapped Cole, startling the old man.

“I’m sorry, my time is limited so we shall have to meet again” As the old man began to turn around, before he could walk off Michel reached his hand onto his shoulder.

[b]In many situations, mysterious characters fade off before saying the major plot issues. But “my time is limited so we shall have to meet again” is just no. If so, why would he bother to even talk? I assume he’s just Alzheimer or something related to dementia.[/b]

“Wait” he said. “What does this have to with us?”. Still facing away from the two of them the old man slightly lowered his head.

“I am not at liberty to speak of that matter just yet”. He then shrug his shoulder causing Michel to release his hand and began to walk away.


“Don’t worry about him Michel, he‘s probably just another crack pot” said Cole “Best to just let him go, he would only waste our time” Michel only turned around smoothly

“I know that, but…..”. A brief pause fell over the atmosphere as Michel hesitated “I get the feeling there is some importance to this”. The old man suddenly stopped in his tracks as he turned around to look at Michel. “I don’t know what it is, but deep down… I can see something in what he is saying”.

“But what if this guy is just out to con us into something” Replied Cole. The old man continued to watch as he slowly walked back over to them.

“I know it seems odd, but I don’t see this guy as that sort of person”

“Then why has he gone to the trouble of hiding his face from us with that cloak, that just screams suspicious to me”.

“Just take a look around you for a moment” said Michel. Cole looked all over the city centre see nothing but other standing there doing exactly as they themselves had been doing before the old man showed up. “You see that….he came to us for a reason, he could have done the same to anyone here but instead chose us”. Cole turned back to Michel with a slight concerned but spiteful face. A momentary pause passed before Cole began to show a smile.

“I guess your right about that. He probably would come to us if he was trying to con someone”. Upon those words the two of them turned their attention towards the old man. “Well then, Michel here has convinced me that your intentions are not to con us. However we would like to know just why you chose us over the hundreds of people around us?”.

“Indeed, you are correct in thinking that. Just as well since I first need you to trust me before I may divulge into matters further”.

“So I take it you only walked away as a means of getting us to listen?” asked Cole in a confused manner.

“Again you are correct. I see I have the correct people I have been looking for”. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a strange compass like device with peculiar markings imbedded on the back. “Here take this”. He then held it out with a bony claw like hand towards the two of them. “I sense you are certainly who I have been looking for….however there are still another four I would like you to find”. Reaching his arm out as a sign of trust Michel accepted the strange compass like device.

“What is this thing for?” asked Cole “And do you know who the other four are?”. The old man only shook his head.

“I regret to say I don’t know who the others are”. Michel’s face showed disappointment while Cole held one hand over his face. “You will have to find them yourselves as my time is, unfortunately, limited. This device will help you to find them, and when you do meet me back here in the next few days”. The two stared at the device with puzzled faces, thinking what to do next. As they looked up, the old man had vanished with no trace.

[b]Dun dun dun duun.[/b]

“Man what have I been smoking, I thought he was right there” said Cole

“I find it odd that a random stranger would just suddenly stop us in a middle of a duel like that, it just plain rude” said Michel with disgust. “And just what is this junk he gave us anyway?”

“I’m not so sure, but its nothing like I’ve ever seen” replied Cole. “Maybe it could be worth something, ya know, flog it and see if we can get some more cards”. Michel only stared at Cole in silence. “Hmm, ok. Bad idea. Enough about the old man, lets get back to duelling”.

“Sounds like a plan mate” replied Michel in solitude. “After all, we cant enter the Master Mind Tournament unprepared now can we”.

[b]I activate Restriction of Fail. The opponent player cannot summon two Said-Type monsters in a single page.[/b]

Little did the two of them know that in that split decision to accept the devices from the old man, had now opened a door way, down a path of adventure, drama and betrayal. Triggering a chain of events, from which began with a simple gesture. As they walked over towards the centre of town square they placed a deice upon their wrist a duel disk, the holographic display became ignited in an array of colours.

[b]Mind if I kill the narrator?[/b]

As per ancient times this ritual of common enthusiasm and will power had been passed through centuries. Now as they readied to clash forces, they spoke one word, but one word, carried on through the dawn of its time. The both spoke the term.

[b]Now just stop this please, it’s just plain - *yawns*[/b]

“Duel”

From this battle commenced as the life point counter rose to 4000, and their duel disks engaged. Both placing their decks within the duel decks swiftly as what then shuffled rapidly, drawn were 5,cards from their deck and holding will of steel. One turn after another they fought honourably, each out witting the other at various stages, leads twisting and turning between the two, all the while they were surrounded by an array of others each performing the same ritual. Explosions, bangs, flashes and shattering glass

[b]?[/b]

echoed in the space of the city centre. They duelled constantly, never wanting to back away from a challenge, both fighting and pushing their limits. But like all good things, it came to end.

As darkness fell the constant raging of trash talk and immense battles came to a close. The two walked towards each other and shook hands with one another, appreciating and respecting the others attempts. As they looked towards each other in silence a distant sound could be herd not too far away. A constant blipping, fading in and out constantly, never ending bleeping droning on and on . As they turned over they noticed the compass lent to them by the old man left at the side of a nearby fountain, simply left their like common trash. This was the source of the sound now wildly flashing in yellow fading in and out like a shadow cast form a oscillating light.

“Hey what is that weird thing doing Michel?” asked Cole curiously. “I thought it was just a piece of junk”. Michel said nothing as he ran over to take a look, to see the compass juddering aggressively towards the East. Michel only stared with anxious eyes. Pondering just what this meant, as Cole slowly walked over.
“So what is it Michel, what is this thing”.

“I don’t know” replied Michel as he turned his head over to face Cole. “All I do know is that this is leading us towards something. As to what it is I cant be certain”. Slowly rising he glanced at the compass once more to see it still flickering and bleeping constantly. “My instincts are telling me we should see where it takes us”.

“Perhaps what the old man is true?” asked Cole. “I cant help but think, there are tones of crack pots out here just trying to waste our time, what makes this guy any different”. Michel only looked over in the direction of the compass as it shuddered.

“Truth or false, this means something, and I for one want to know what”. With those last words he charged off in the direction of the compass, while all Cole did was slump his shoulders and sigh, only to then follow him. Charging at a frantic pace the meter began to blip louder and faster, signalling they were closer to finding what it is the meter was looking for.

Turning round a nearby alleyway the two were suddenly became blocked by two thugs who sinisterly walked in front of them. Half covered by the towering buildings shadows all that could be seen were their blood shot eyes and tattered clothes. All they did was stop in their tracks, as the two thugs prepared them selves to duel.

“Say that’s an interesting piece of equipment you have there” said one of the thugs in a disturbingly aggressive voice. “Lets duel you guys for it”. Both Michel and Cole responded as requested, pulling out their duel disk which engaged and locked in place, displaying Technicolor lights once more. “Lets say we do this separately, I’ll take you on” he demanded, pointing over to Michel.

[b]This is the main problem with fan fics. The main character doesn’t have a reason to duel – what does he gain from this? All he has is a [s]His Dark Materials I: The Golden[/s] compass that seems to be important. For instance, in Duelist Kingdom / Battle City you have to win to go on, and in the Dartz ark you have to get back the Gods, and stuff. This is probably another mistake that comes from GX, since it sucks and has no plot or any logic at all. But honestly, I can say this is better than it. Then again it’s a mistake to judge from its point of view...[/b]

“You asked for it then, I’ll make the first move, as the defending party”. As he drew his first card he showed no sign of emotion, shielding his intentions to avoid revealing his plan. “Ok then” he shouted “I’ll play my Shining Angel in attack mode”. Shining Angel is a Lv4 Light attribute Fairy type monster with 1400ATK and 800 DEF. A male with a with robe and golden wings descended from the sky. “I now play 2 face downs and end”.


“Well is that all, I was expecting better, now its time to show you true power” replied the thug, still remaining confident. “I shall play Polymerisation, by using its magic powers I combine my 2 Cyber Ogres to form Cyber Ogre 2 in attack mode. Cyber Ogre 2 is a level 7 Earth attribute Machine type monster with 2600 ATK and 1900 DEF. A giant maniacal machine like fiend arose from the darkness, layered in a pale blue steel armour, and a demonic tail laced in spines and a iron jaw embracing its hardened green piercing eyes.

“Now thanks to his effect I can gain half the attack of a monster it attacks”. A momentary pause fell over as Cole began his attempt at defending from the second thug, who was currently smiling at the situation his fellow thug had devised.

“Well unlike my partner, I’m not as merciful, therefore I will take first turn. I will call upon my Reflect Bounder in attack mode”. Reflect Bounder is a level 4 Light attribute Machine monster with 1700 ATK and 100 DEF. A red caped being layered in circular mirrors arose from blinding light. “Now what I can do is play The Dark Door, and 2 faced downs”. Cole only sniggered, as the efforts of the thug only amused him.

“Well this will be a classic” said Cole in a some what pleased tone. “Light and darkness collide together once more in the heat of battle. Only this time. Darkness shall prevail……. I draw, and I play Armageddon Knight in attack mode” . Armageddon Knight is a level 4 Dark Attribute Warrior monster with 1400 ATK and 1200 DEF. A darkly armoured warrior dawning a red scarf and mighty sword showed itself on the field. “With that I can send Skull Servant to the grave”.

“Next I can play my Foolish burial sending yet another one of Skull Servants’ to the grave. Finally I play One for One, discarding my final servant, to summon the King of Skull Servants.

[b]Wightmare and Lady of Wight.[/b]

King of Skull Servants is a level 1 Dark attribute Zombie monster with 0 ATK and DEF. A pale grey skeleton slowly assembled its bones on the field cloaked in a dark purple robe. “Due to his effect his attack is now 3000, as all 3 Skull Servants are in my grave.

While the stage had been set the two thugs only glanced at each other, both believing they had the upper hand. While they continued to snigger at each other. However their smugness was not to be, as one soon became shocked from what Cole said next.

[b]Chapter 1: Invasion of Smugs[/b]

“I Activate spell card, Enemy controller”, the smug look had been erased clean from the thugs face. “Since I know Reflect bounders effect only works while in attack mode, I’ll be taking you Reflect Bounder at the cost of my own Knight. This now means your wide open for a direct attack”

The thug now became paralysed in fear as he began to slowly back away with terror in his eyes. That’s not possible…although he still cant finish me just yet. He can only attack once leaving me with 1000 left, after which my monster returns to me, if he attacks again with my Rising Energy trap card, I’ll boost his monsters attack thus meaning its game over. Should he try and destroy my Dark door my Destruction Jammer will prevent it from happening. “You seem to have forgot that The Dark Door means you cant end this now”.

“Oh really” Replied Cole “I play Axe of Despair, giving my King of Skull Servants a grand total of 4000” Fearing a loss the thug began to flee from sight. “Don’t think you can escape me that easy, now my King, rid my sight of this clown” The skeleton began to move as it were one with the shadows creeping ahead of the thug to foiled his escape. As he tried to flee the skeleton grabbed a hold of him so they faced each other. “I could be rather mean to you, so instead…..”. While there was brief pause the thug was left there quaking in fear. So to put him in his place Cole decided to play around with him.

“BOO”, the skeleton shot eyes out its head as its tongue flailed about while its jaw was dancing from its head.

[b]WHAT!?!?!?!?!? BOO!?!?!?!? IMPOSSIBLE!!!! THIS ISN’T SOME HALLOWEEN STORY A SIX YEAR OLD WRITES FOR FUN[/b]

The very sight of this terrified the thug causing him to dart off at a frantic pace. All the other thug do was look on in dismay as his so called friend left him behind.

“I’m still here” said Michel “And it is still your turn”. The thug briefly paused as he then pointed towards Michel shouting his command.

“Go now, clip that birds wings and bring it down to earth”. The tall demonic looking armoured fiend glinted its eyes charging with fist drawn connecting with the angel. “And by playing my Limiter Removal I can now double its attack, ending this game right now”. A massive clash occurred as the angel became nothing more than fairy dust, as all that could be heard was the thug laughing maniacally. This was soon halted as he still saw Michel standing there un touched.

“Don’t be so sure, for you see I played my face down, defence draw. This cancels battle damage and allowing my draw 1 more card, oh and by the way, your monster is now scrap after its reckless charge due to your spell. As an added bonus I get the effect of my angel, allowing me to summon Y-Dragon Head, and my face down, soul rope, lets me summon X-head Cannon at the cost of 1000 life points”.

Y-Dragon Head is a level 4 Light attribute Machine monster with 1500 ATK and 1600 DEF. A red plated dragon spawned from the fairy dust with sparking ocean blue eyes unleashing a prideful roar . X-Head Cannon is a level 4 Light attribute Machine monster with 1800 ATK and 1500 DEF. A machine rose from a golden rope, coloured in vibrant blue and yellow with flaring fiery eyes, wielding 2 massive cannon like weapons while banging its hands together.

“I’ll then play 1 card facedown and end”, replied the thug, now dropping his head in despair while still hiding a smirk. Soon as he plays his another monster I’ll play call of the haunted, reviving my Ogre, With that, its next attack, will boost its power. Next turn I’ll wipe him out.
“My move, and I play my Z-Metal Tank”. Z-Metal Tank is a level 4 Light attribute Machine monster with 1300 ATK and 1500 DEF. A tank emerged on the field in a cloud of smoke gleaming brightly in metallic yellow with two charged up cannons ready to unleash a bolt of lightning at will. The thug suddenly interrupted.

“I play my face down, Call of the Haunted, reviving my Cyber Ogre 2. Weren’t expecting that were you, now you have to take down my mighty Ogre to win”. all Michel did was snigger with confidence. This only rose a look of uncertainty upon the thugs face. “What you laughing about?” snapped the thug.

“Well its you of course, don’t think I would be stupid enough to attack that monstrosity, not matter how ugly it is”. Michel suddenly rose his arm and pointed towards the sky as X-Head cannon and Z-Metal tank lunched into the air. “Now watch and learn” Closing his eyes he then recited a speech of which brought about a revelation in the atmosphere “Those who stand alone become a single entity, merge to form a greater force, become our bond and unite us in battle. I call upon. XZ-Tank Cannon”.

XZ-Tank Cannon is a level 6 Light attribute Machine monster with 2400ATK and 2100 DEF. The large tank and massive gun wielding machine joined together, connecting in a flurry of sparks to become a single entity.

“Now by playing its special ability, I can discard 1 card to destroy your Call of the Haunted, turning that walking pile of scrap back to just plain scrap” With the life support used to keep his fiend alive, with it gone it collapsed and decayed to rubble and dust. “Now your wide open, and with the magic of “my” limiter removal, it now doubles the attack of all my machine types”. Michel now directed his hand towards the thug with his now supercharge monster looming over his shoulder. “So go now, strike him down with all your might and cleanse this scum from my sight”.

The newly formed machine aimed its cannons at the thug. As he tried to run away, the sight lock on its visor now became fully focused, and locked onto its target. A whirring sound could now be heard growing ever louder and a bright light appeared at the end of the two cannons before blasting a bolt of white light in the thugs direction hammering him to the ground. Having his duel the remaining thug had now fled the scene, as both Cole and Michel were left standing, shaking each others hand before turning they attention back towards the now screaming meter. Looking down at the quaking gauge as Michel then posed the obvious question.

“I’m not so sure what it is we got ourselves into. No matter what this means, we shall stand, and confront whatever comes our way. It’s time to find our what this device has been leading us too”.

[b]WHAT! This isn’t happening. This was a filler! A filler! A filler –
[img] http://i2.ytimg.com/vi/-W2Z_pZ2ybs/0.jpg[/img]
[size="7"]IYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA[/size][/b]

In short, several things:

1. Work on grammar.
2. Work on description.
3. Don’t make filler duels.
4. Use logic in motivation.
5. Most of all, use spoilers.[/spoiler]

[cyber force cosmic]

Thanks for the input, this is after all my first attempt, and i have recentl been trying to avoid duels here and there, like i got as far as writing chapter 13. possibly the only one at the time which had no duel.

I think that i may have been leaning off towards sort of anima (again bad grammer) style story line. But i see now i clearly need to work on this before i do anthing else with it.

thanc again for the help, i'll make good use of this to finish it.