Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's - Trinity of Infinity [PG-16]

[.Nu-13]

My first fic... probably bad, but whatever. If there are any errors, point them out

[spoiler=Chapter 1 - The Ritual]
Brandon was slowly coming to himself. After opening his eyes, he looked around. Brandon was is a dark room, the only source of light was a candle in the center. He tried to stand up, but he hit something. At that moment Brandon noticed that he was on the top bunk of a bunk bed, almost at the ceiling. The only way he could get from it was to roll and fall on the ground. He sighed and rolled. After a second, he fell on the ground, but he didn't feel pain, impact, nothing. He walked to the candle and lifted it. Now, he was able to look around the room. The room contained 2 bunk beds, a window, small table on which the candle was standing and a wooden door. He walked to them and tried to open them.

"Obviously, it's locked" Brandon said to himself and swore quietly. "Maybe through a window..." he thought and walked to the window. However, his hopes went for nothing. The iron plate was screwed to the window, with no way of taking it off. Brandon sat for a moment and started to think. He looked at the candle, then door and got an idea. "What if I burn those door?" But then he noticed something. "Damn, there's no water here, I won't be able to put them off" Brandon walked around the room for some time and gave up. He put the candle on the lowest bunk of bed he was laying on. After a moment, he gasped while he noticed what appeared on the wall:

[i]"Welcome. I see you noticed this. If so, we can tell you how to get out of there."[/i]

"We?" Brandon thought. "So someone locked me in here. Great. But there was a clue how to get out of there, so they want me to get out. Under that message, another one appeared:

[i]"Answer lies under the rock"[/i]

"What the hell? Rock? Here? There's nothing... ahhh!" Brandon said while tripping on something. Then he noticed. A rock "How is this possible that I didn't notice it before?" But it didn't matter now. Brandon moved the rock and revealed the iron cover. It had a handle, so he was able to easily open it. He smiled when he saw what's inside. His Duel Disk, and a key. Most probably to the door. Brandon took his Disk, put it on his hand, took the key and ran to the door. Inserted the key and turned it. Door made a clicking sound. "Yes, they opened!" Brandon said loudly and ran through the door. He found himself outside, in a giant field.

There was a big temple in the middle on the field. It seemed like an Aztec temple. Around it, there were many sculptures or Duel Monsters. Brandon was able to name few, but others were new to him. However, they had one thing in common - all of them depicted dragons. Next to each sculpture, a person was standing. Their faces weren't noticeable, because all of them were wearing black robes with hoods. "Well well well, so you was able to come out" Brandon heard behind him. He quickly turned around and noticed a person looking like others standing next to sculptures, but he wasn't wearing a hood and his robe was white. However, it wasn't what concerned Brandon. The only things he was interested in was person's face. Face he knew for all his life. Face of his father.

"Dad?!" Brandon asked, but his father didn't respond. Instead, he pointed and Brandon's Disk, and then at one of stone circles next to the temple. "Stand there" father said and walked by himself to another circle. Brandon followed. After a while, they were both standing in front of each other. Brandon's father raised his Disk, and Brandon did the same. However, he didn't so that at his own will. It was like someone was controlling him. "Now, the ritual duel shall commence!" his father yelled and activated his Disk. Again, Brandon did the same against his own will. "Dad, what's happening?! What ritual duel?!" But he didn't get the answer. The Brandon's deck shuffled by itself. He had no option, other than to finish this duel and get to know what the hell is happening here.

[center][b]DUEL!
Brandon (8000 LP) VS Enemy (8000 LP)[/b][/center]

Brandon pulled out 5 cards of his Disk and gasped. "What the heck? It's not my deck!" His father replied to him calmly "Of course that it's not your deck. If you used your own deck, the ritual would be useless." Brandon still didn't know what the hell is happening, so he decided to continue. He pulled out 6th card from his Disk. He didn't know what the deck is supposed to do, but after a while of reading effects of cards in his hand, he already knew when to do. He took 1 card from his hand and pressed the button at the side of Duel Disk. An additional card slot appeared. He put a card there and declare "I activate Field Spell Card, [b]Malefic World[/b]!" The whole field was covered with shining aura and the sky turned yellowish. " Then, I remove from play... [b]Stardust Dragon[/b] from my Extra Deck to Special Summon [b]Malefic Stardust Dragon[/b]!" A white dragon appeared in front of Brandon. It was wearing a black armor of some kind. (ATK 2500) "I set a card face-down and end my turn" A vertical card appeared under Brandon's monster and vanished after a while.

"It's my turn!" Brandon's father yelled and violently pulled out a card from his Deck. "I set a monster face-down and end my turn!" He slapped a horizontal card on his Disk, which appeared on his field. "Only a set? Something smells fishy here..." Anyway, Brandon put hand on his Deck and almost drew a card, when he realized that 1 of his cards had a quite useful effect... "I activate the effect of [b]Malefic World[/b]! By skipping my regular draw, I'm able to get a random Malefic monster from my deck!" Brandon's deck shuffled and a card pushed itself out of it. Brandon took it out and put in his hand. "I set another card face-down." He declared and pushed a card in a slot. "Battle! [b]Malefic Stardust Dragon[/b], attack his face-down monster!" [b]Malefic Stardust[/b] shotted a purple flame from his mouth, which would destroyed the monster easily. Brandon didn't have time to look what kind of card was it, but it didn't nothing now, so he wasn't so concerned. "I end my turn."

"I activate the effect of [b]Donju of the Hundred Hands[/b] which you just destroyed! At the end of turn in which it's destroyed, I can add 1 Ritual Monster or Spell Card from my Deck to my hand. I add [b]Garlandolf, King of Destruction[/b]." A card pushed itself out of father's deck, which he immediately grabbed and put in his hand. "Draw!" he declared and pulled out a card, but slower than before. "Now, Brandon, see the power of ritual! Spell Card activation, [b]Ritual of Destruction[/b]!" An altar appeared on father's field, which after a while started to collapse. A stream of dark energy appeared. "I sacrifice [b]Zoa[/b] to call forth my monster, [b]Garlandolf, King of Destruction[/b]!" The stream started to form a monster. It has a blue skin with some kind of armor plates on its legs and hands. It has a gold emblem on his chest, with golden chains surrounding it. (2500 ATK) "When [b]Garlandolf[/b] is Ritual Summoned, all monsters on the field whose defense points are lower than his attack points are destroyed. Then, Garlandolf gets 100 ATK for each monster destroyed. Vanish, [b]Malefic Stardust[/b]!" [b]Garlandolf[/b] threw a ball of dark energy at the dragon. It should dissapear, however, it only threw down its armor. The [b]Stardust[/b] itself was still there. (2500 ATK) "What, why it didn't get destroyed?" Brandon smiled. "Trap Card, [b]Malefic Pendulum[/b]!" A trap depicting a pendulum covered in shadows appeared. "When a Malefic monster is destroyed, I can get back the monster I removed" Father replied. "Still, [b]Malefic Stardust Dragon[/b] was still destroyed, so [b]Garlandolf[/b] gains 100 ATK!" (2600 ATK) Brandon flipped another of his face-down cards "Trap Card open, [b]Malefic Resonance[/b]! During a turn in which my opponent destroyed my Malefic monster, I can draw 1 card and prevent opponent from entering his Battle Phase." Brandon's [b]Stardust[/b] was safe. He pulled out a card from deck. "Turn end then." Brandon's father declared.

"OK, this is it... I activate the effect of [b]Malefic World[/b]!" A card pushed out of Brandon's deck. He pulled it out and looked at it. "What? A Tuner monster?" He took the newly got card and put it onto the disk. "I summon the Tuner Monster, [b]Malefic Parallel Gear[/b]!" A black and gold gear appeared on Brandon's field. (0 ATK) "If [b]Malefic Parallel Gear[/b] would be used for Synchro Summon, I can use Malefic monsters from my hand as other Materials. I'm tuning my [b]Level 2 Malefic Parallel Gear[/b] to my in-hand [b]Level 8 Malefic Blue-Eyes White Dragon[/b]!" [b]Parallel Gear[/b] rose into the air and turned itself into 2 green rings. Then, [b]Blue-Eyes[/b] flew into those rings and turned itself into 8 white stars. Brandon raised a card and chanted:

[b][i]“Born from threshold of the dimension of Darkness, time to lower the curtain of destruction on the stage that surpasses time and space! Synchro Summon! Appear Now, Malefic Paradox Dragon!”[/i][/b]

He didn't have time to put his monster onto the Disk, while his father said. "Humph, so the ritual was a success..." After he told that, everything in front of Brandon's eyes went white...
[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Exclusive cards]
[spoiler=Chapter 1]
[color="#FF8C00"][b]Donju of the Hundred Hands | *3 | LIGHT
[Fairy/Effect]
During the End Phase of a turn in which this card was destroyed and sent to the Graveyard, you can add 1 Ritual Monster or Spell Card from your Deck to your hand.
ATK/1000 DEF/400[/b][/color]

[color="#FF00FF"][b]Malefic Pendulum
Normal Trap Card
Activate only when a "Malefic" monster you control is destroyed. Special Summon a monster that is written in the destroyed monster's text that is removed from play ignoring the Sumoning Conditions.[/b][/color](card by Phantom Roxas)

[color="#FF00FF"][b]Malefic Resonance
Normal Trap Card
Activate only during a turn in which a "Malefic" monster you control was destroyed. Draw 1 card. Your opponent cannot conduct their Battle Phase this turn.[/b][/color][/spoiler]
[/spoiler]

[Spoon]

[quote][b]He[/b] slowly opened his eyes and looked around. [b]He[/b] was is some dark room, the only source of light was a candle in the centre. [b]He[/b] tried to stand up, but he hit something.[/quote]
Repetition.
[quote]He walked to the candle and lifted it. Now, he was able to look around the room. The room contained 2 bunk beds, a window, small table on which the candle was standing and a wooden door. He walked to them and tried to open them.[/quote]
For some odd reason, this reminds me of the beginning of Final Fantasy IX
[quote][...], in a [b]giant[/b] field.

There was a [b]giant[/b] temple in the middle on the field.[/quote]
Repetition.

Okay, if I were to point all grammar, spelling errors out and note every single unaesthetic figure in the story, I'd sit here all day. Proofreading once more wouldn't hurt though.

(After reading the next few paragraphs)

I correct myself, there are a [i]lot[/i] of spelling and grammar errors. Proofreading [i]definitely[/i] doesn't hurt, even if English is not your native language, a lot of those errors could've been avoided by just reading it once more. The rest is duel stuff, which is fairly decent, the cliff hanger is okay... but yeah, it didn't really draw me in up until now. But it's only the first page, which basically says nothing. So the only advice I can give: See above.

[.Nu-13]

I know, I'm working on all errors. I just somehow don't notice typos.

Ok, I fixed the errors you pointed out and all those random typos. I hope it's fine now...

[Aesirson]

It's an interesting story, but there's still some typos and missing words.

I'll keep reading.

[.Nu-13]

Really? Thanks

I'll try to avoid typosd as much as possible in next chapters

[-Griffin]

[spoiler=Review of the first paragraph]
Brandon was slowly coming to himself [b]this should be 'coming to his senses' or something. Coming to himself is a very clumsy way to put it.[/b]. [s]After[/s] [b]O[/b]pening his eyes, he looked around. [s]Brandon[/s] [b](If it's obvious who it is, try to avoid repeating names, although you could probably phrase this without mentioning him at all)[/b] [b]He[/b] was is a dark room, the only source of light was a candle in the [s]center[/s] [b]centre[/b]. He tried to stand up, but [s]he[/s] hit something. [s]At that moment Brandon[/s] [b]He[/b] noticed that he was on [s]the[/s] top [s]bunk[/s] of a bunk bed, almost at the ceiling. The only way he could get [s]from it[/s] [b]down[/b] was to roll and fall on the ground. He sighed and rolled. After a second, he fell on the ground, but he didn't feel pain, impact, nothing. [b](I don't like that entire sentence. “After a second” makes it sound like he was floating for a bit, since it implies he didn't even fall until then. “He didn't feel pain, impact, nothing” seems really awkward when it's never explained why not. Is he Iron Man now? The only thing needed there is confirmation that he hit the ground[/b] He walked to the candle and lifted it. [b]Wait. How could he see the candle, clearly lower than him, from the top bunk, but not be able to tell he was at some high place in the room? Surely he must have looked down to notice that, and that should have given him some awareness of the area.[/b] Now, he was able to look around the room. The room contained [s]2[/s] [b]two[/b] bunk beds, a window, [b]a[/b] small table on which the candle was standing and a wooden door. He walked to them and tried to open them. [b](Them? You mean the door?)[/b]

[b]You should stop starting every sentence with the subject, especially when that's the character in every single one. Trust me, your repetitive sentence structure is a much bigger issue than repetitive use of 'he' or something.[/b]

Fixed:

Brandon was slowly coming to his senses. Opening his eyes, he looked around. The room was dark, with only a small source of light coming from somewhere he couldn't see. His attempt to sit up was thwarted by something was in the way. It was the ceiling. He was on top of a bunk bed, almost face-to-face with the ceiling. After looking for another way down, it was clear that the only way was to fall off. Sighing, rolling, and falling on the ground, he made his way down. The source of light was a candle, central to the room. He walked to the candle and lifted it. Now the other features of the room could have light shed on them. There were two bunk beds, a window, a small table on which the candle was standing and a wooden door. He walked to the door and tried to open it.
[/spoiler]

And then I noticed there were a few other paragraphs.

I might get around to those later, but could I first ask that you go over it and make sure your sentence structure is a bit more varied? Otherwise my comments will just be 90% pointing out how grinding it is to read "Subject X did Action Y. Subject X did Action Z. Subject X did Action Q to Object A. Subject X did Action V and Action C, but B didn't." The main character doesn't have to be the subject of almost every single phrase. Also, remember that the essence of writing is re-writing, and this doesn't feel proof-read enough. Some bits just felt awkward and there was a typo in the paragraph I read that was easily picked up by Open Office.

[evilfusion]

[quote name='Chillaccino' timestamp='1294410761' post='4917526']
My first fic... probably bad, but whatever. If there are any errors, point them out

[b]Okay, I'll try.[/b]

[spoiler=Chapter 1 - The Ritual]
Brandon was slowly coming to himself.

[b]While I know what you're trying to say, this was just bad word selection. I've never heard anyone say "coming to himself".[/b]

After opening his eyes, he looked around. Brandon was [b]in[/b] a dark room, the only source of light was a candle in the center.

[b]Rearrange the sentence a bit. "A candle in the center of the dark room was the only source of light" or something like that.[/b]

He tried to stand up, but he hit something. At that moment Brandon noticed that he was on the top bunk of a bunk bed, almost at the ceiling.

[b]Then maybe he should have tried to sit up, not stand. Being that close to the ceiling would mean only a short distance is traveled before hitting the ceiling. Also, who tries to stand up when they wake up on a bed? Sit up works better.[/b]

The only way he could get from it was to roll and fall on the ground. He sighed and rolled.

[b]How did he get up there and who designed the bed this way? Why did you choose to put him on a top bunk, in the middle of a dark room, if he can actually get off the bed without any difficulty? You could have accomplished the same thing with a regular bed, and not have him bump his head on the ceiling at all.[/b]

After a second, he fell on the ground, but he didn't feel pain, impact, nothing. He walked to the candle and lifted it. Now, he was able to look around the room. The room contained 2 bunk beds, a window, small table on which the candle was standing and a wooden door. He walked to them and tried to open them.

[b]This part is worded strangely. You have it broken into fragmented sentences, rather than letting each sentence flow into the next. I call it fragmented in that it could probably be written in one or two sentences, but you broke every event into its own sentence, making it sound stiff.[/b]

"Obviously, it's locked" Brandon said to himself and swore quietly. "Maybe through a window..." he thought and walked to the window.

[b]Comma after 'locked'. Italics would do better to convey direct thoughts. Otherwise, he said it aloud.[/b]

However, his hopes went for nothing. The iron plate was screwed to the window, with no way of taking it off. Brandon sat for a moment and started to think. He looked at the candle, then door and got an idea. "What if I burn those door?" But then he noticed something. "Damn, there's no water here, I won't be able to put them off"

[b]'Went' for nothing? Also, the whole thing about burning the door and a lack of water makes no sense. Unless he's that desperate to think of stupid ideas, burning a wooden door just doesn't work in trying to get the door opened. I think he's thinking of something about heat to the hinges, but I dont want to give credit.[/b]

Brandon walked around the room for some time and gave up. He put the candle on the lowest bunk of bed he was laying on. After a moment, he gasped while he noticed what appeared on the wall:

[b]I know I tend to abuse the 'after a moment' thing, too, but here it's rather jarring. It almost sounds like his gasp was a delayed reaction, rather than something suddenly appearing in front of him.[/b]

[i]"Welcome. I see you noticed this. If so, we can tell you how to get out of there."[/i]

"We?" Brandon thought. "So someone locked me in here. Great. But there was a clue how to get out of there, so they want me to get out.[b]"[/b] Under that message, another one appeared:

[i]"Answer lies under the rock"[/i]

"What the hell? Rock? Here? There's nothing... ahhh!" Brandon said while tripping on something. Then he noticed. A rock "How is this possible that I didn't notice it before?"

[b]How could you, Chillaccino? That is so lame, cliched, and weak. 'Plot demands something exists, so now it does. Let's have the main character point out its sudden appearance so we can laugh over my lameness!'[/b]

But it didn't matter now. Brandon moved the rock and revealed the iron cover. It had a handle, so he was able to easily open it. He smiled when he saw what's inside. His Duel Disk, and a key.

[b]That must have been a BIG rock. The 'Brandon didn't see it before' thing isn't working. Even if you say that, like the message, it just appeared now, it's really bad.[/b]

Most probably to the door.

[b]You think?[/b]

Brandon took his Disk, put it on his hand, took the key and ran to the door. Inserted the key and turned it. Door made a clicking sound. "Yes, they opened!" Brandon said loudly and ran through the door. He found himself outside, in a giant field.

[b]...oh god. Remember what I said about your fragmented style? This part is worse. And why did Brandon refer to a single door as "they"?[/b]

There was a big temple in the middle on the field. It seemed like an Aztec temple. Around it, there were many sculptures or Duel Monsters. Brandon was able to name few, but others were new to him. However, they had one thing in common - all of them depicted dragons. Next to each sculpture, a person was standing. Their faces weren't noticeable, because all of them were wearing black robes with hoods.

[b]Naturally.[/b]

"Well well well, so you was able to come out" Brandon heard behind him.

[b]It was not stated Brandon moved far, so this sounds like the voice is coming from the room he was just in. Also, if he's outside, that means the room he was in was a single room house with a bunk bed. And what was the point of a plated window, then?[/b]

He quickly turned around and noticed a person looking like others standing next to sculptures, but he wasn't wearing a hood and his robe was white. However, it wasn't what concerned Brandon. The only things he was interested in was person's face. Face he knew for all his life. Face of his father.

[b]O...kay? We dont know anything about Brandon's past, so his father appearing is NOT dramatic. But you wrote it (in fragments) as if it was supposed to be.[/b]

"Dad?!" Brandon asked, but his father didn't respond. Instead, he pointed and Brandon's Disk, and then at one of stone circles next to the temple. "Stand there" father said and walked by himself to another circle. Brandon followed. After a while, they were both standing in front of each other. Brandon's father raised his Disk, and Brandon did the same. However, he didn't so that at his own will. It was like someone was controlling him. "Now, the ritual duel shall commence!" his father yelled and activated his Disk. Again, Brandon did the same against his own will. "Dad, what's happening?! What ritual duel?!" But he didn't get the answer. The Brandon's deck shuffled by itself. He had no option, other than to finish this duel and get to know what the hell is happening here.

[b]New paragraph when a new person is speaking. I want to say this section doesn't make sense, but I'll see if it does soon.[/b]


[center][b]DUEL!
Brandon (8000 LP) VS Enemy (8000 LP)[/b][/center]

[b]In 5Ds, "Enemy" is used when the identity of the opponent is not known, such as Rua/Ruka vs Lucciano. Amusingly enough, it labeled Lucciano as "Enemy" until Rua realized who he was, at which point the label changed to "Lucciano". However, this is Brandon's dad, and I'm pretty sure he knows who his opponent is.[/b]

Brandon pulled out 5 cards of his Disk and gasped. "What the heck? It's not my deck!"

[b]This is rated PG-16, and you didn't use "hell" here? Tsk, I know I'd say "what the hell?" if my deck had been switched before a duel.[/b]

His father replied to him calmly "Of course that it's not your deck. If you used your own deck, the ritual would be useless." Brandon still didn't know what the hell is happening, so he decided to continue. He pulled out 6th card from his Disk. He didn't know what the deck is supposed to do, but after a while of reading effects of cards in his hand, he already knew when to do.

[b]Uh, "what" to do. 6th should be written as 'sixth'.[/b]

He took 1 card from his hand and pressed the button at the side of Duel Disk. An additional card slot appeared. He put a card there and declare "I activate Field Spell Card, [b]Malefic World[/b]!" The whole field was covered with shining aura and the sky turned yellowish. " Then, I remove from play... [b]Stardust Dragon[/b] from my Extra Deck to Special Summon [b]Malefic Stardust Dragon[/b]!"

[b]Malefis just had a seizure. Seriously. She now hates you with every fiber of her being, not only because you're a human, but because you gave a HUMAN Sin Stardust. It's like her worst nightmare ground into a twisted reality for the pure pleasure of ticking her off beyond reason. Now normally, I wouldn't comment on another's fic by referencing my own, but you read mine, so...I wonder whether you did that deliberately.[/b]

A white dragon appeared in front of Brandon. It was wearing a black armor of some kind. (ATK 2500) "I set a card face-down and end my turn" A vertical card appeared under Brandon's monster and vanished after a while.

"It's my turn!" Brandon's father yelled and violently pulled out a card from his Deck. "I set a monster face-down and end my turn!" He slapped a horizontal card on his Disk, which appeared on his field. "Only a set? Something smells fishy here..." Anyway, Brandon put hand on his Deck and almost drew a card, when he realized that 1 of his cards had a quite useful effect... "I activate the effect of [b]Malefic World[/b]! By skipping my regular draw, I'm able to get a random Malefic monster from my deck!" Brandon's deck shuffled and a card pushed itself out of it. Brandon took it out and put in his hand. "I set another card face-down." He declared and pushed a card in a slot. "Battle! [b]Malefic Stardust Dragon[/b], attack his face-down monster!" [b]Malefic Stardust[/b] shotted a purple flame from his mouth, which would destroyed the monster easily. Brandon didn't have time to look what kind of card was it, but it didn't nothing now, so he wasn't so concerned. "I end my turn."

[b]Why did you type all card names in bold? Okay, I gather the [s]Malefic[/s] Sin World anime effect is random, but is your fic supposed to operate on anime logic? It may just be me, but I never liked the concept of "random selection".[/b]

"I activate the effect of [b]Donju of the Hundred Hands[/b] which you just destroyed! At the end of turn in which it's destroyed, I can add 1 Ritual Monster or Spell Card from my Deck to my hand. I add [b]Garlandolf, King of Destruction[/b]." A card pushed itself out of father's deck, which he immediately grabbed and put in his hand. "Draw!" he declared and pulled out a card, but slower than before. "Now, Brandon, see the power of ritual! Spell Card activation, [b]Ritual of Destruction[/b]!" An altar appeared on father's field, which after a while started to collapse. A stream of dark energy appeared. "I sacrifice [b]Zoa[/b] to call forth my monster, [b]Garlandolf, King of Destruction[/b]!" The stream started to form a monster. It has a blue skin with some kind of armor plates on its legs and hands. It has a gold emblem on his chest, with golden chains surrounding it. (2500 ATK) "When [b]Garlandolf[/b] is Ritual Summoned, all monsters on the field whose defense points are lower than his attack points are destroyed. Then, Garlandolf gets 100 ATK for each monster destroyed. Vanish, [b]Malefic Stardust[/b]!" [b]Garlandolf[/b] threw a ball of dark energy at the dragon. It should dissapear, however, it only threw down its armor. The [b]Stardust[/b] itself was still there. (2500 ATK) "What, why it didn't get destroyed?" Brandon smiled. "Trap Card, [b]Malefic Pendulum[/b]!" A trap depicting a pendulum covered in shadows appeared. "When a Malefic monster is destroyed, I can get back the monster I removed" Father replied. "Still, [b]Malefic Stardust Dragon[/b] was still destroyed, so [b]Garlandolf[/b] gains 100 ATK!" (2600 ATK) Brandon flipped another of his face-down cards "Trap Card open, [b]Malefic Resonance[/b]! During a turn in which my opponent destroyed my Malefic monster, I can draw 1 card and prevent opponent from entering his Battle Phase." Brandon's [b]Stardust[/b] was safe. He pulled out a card from deck. "Turn end then." Brandon's father declared.

[b]I again emphasize the paragraph breaks during dialogue.[/b]

"OK, this is it... I activate the effect of [b]Malefic World[/b]!" A card pushed out of Brandon's deck. He pulled it out and looked at it. "What? A Tuner monster?" He took the newly got card and put it onto the disk. "I summon the Tuner Monster, [b]Malefic Parallel Gear[/b]!" A black and gold gear appeared on Brandon's field. (0 ATK) "If [b]Malefic Parallel Gear[/b] would be used for Synchro Summon, I can use Malefic monsters from my hand as other Materials. I'm tuning my [b]Level 2 Malefic Parallel Gear[/b] to my in-hand [b]Level 8 Malefic Blue-Eyes White Dragon[/b]!" [b]Parallel Gear[/b] rose into the air and turned itself into 2 green rings. Then, [b]Blue-Eyes[/b] flew into those rings and turned itself into 8 white stars. Brandon raised a card and chanted:

[b][i]“Born from threshold of the dimension of Darkness, time to lower the curtain of destruction on the stage that surpasses time and space! Synchro Summon! Appear Now, Malefic Paradox Dragon!”[/i][/b]

He didn't have time to put his monster onto the Disk, while his father said. "Humph, so the ritual was a success..." After he told that, everything in front of Brandon's eyes went white...
[/spoiler]

[b]And now I'm confused. I can only assume you have a plan here, because that's a really weird ending for a chapter.[/b]

[spoiler=Exclusive cards]
[spoiler=Chapter 1]
[color="#FF8C00"][b]Donju of the Hundred Hands | *3 | LIGHT
[Fairy/Effect]
During the End Phase of a turn in which this card was destroyed and sent to the Graveyard, you can add 1 Ritual Monster or Spell Card from your Deck to your hand.
ATK/1000 DEF/400[/b][/color]

[color="#FF00FF"][b]Malefic Pendulum
Normal Trap Card
Activate only when a "Malefic" monster you control is destroyed. Special Summon a monster that is written in the destroyed monster's text that is removed from play ignoring the Sumoning Conditions.[/b][/color](card by Phantom Roxas)

[color="#FF00FF"][b]Malefic Resonance
Normal Trap Card
Activate only during a turn in which a "Malefic" monster you control was destroyed. Draw 1 card. Your opponent cannot conduct their Battle Phase this turn.[/b][/color][/spoiler]
[/spoiler]
[/quote]

[b]On the note of the cards, Pendulum wouldn't work for Stardust, despite saying "Ignoring the Summoning Conditions". Good thing you noted it's not your card.[/b]