Lord Ursus Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 A thrilling, exciting and very entertaining chapter. Much, much better than the last one, and I'm sure to expect more. Keep up the good work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kale Posted January 11, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 Thanks, man! i appreciate you commenting! And, Straightedge, Red is more of a "loner" in this fic. Not many friends, not many enemies, except for the Law Enforcers. I also wanted to let everyone in this thread know that i have updated my RC thread with 3 new cards! i will release them in threes, so you all can stay updated with them a little at a time. if you want to visualize the chapter just a little bit more, you can check it out! Link in sig. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 Back again~ While I see that your writing has improved in a technical manner from the last chapter, I'm still having problems with the characters. The main problem is that both of them are, at least to me, too unsympathetic. I really can't get with their actions or motivations, or even just the way they talk. Red sounds incredibly arrogant and lofty through his speech, and even though this might be some planned future character development that I'm not privy to, it's to the degree that could dissuade me from reading any further. ([b]EDIT:[/b] Just read your comment about intending Red to be a loner - while this could somewhat justify his actions, I still feel you're pulling it off wrong.) The other girl had this as well, but to a lesser degree so that I was actually rooting for her for half of the duel. As for the duel itself, too many of the plays/attacks/effects were ass pulls, TBH. Although I haven't ventured into making cards for over a year and a half, just looking at the effects made me feel that they were too disjointed and unconnected - therefore, when some strategic gambit paid off for either character, it didn't feel as "righteous" (for lack of a better word) than it should have. In short, work on character and duel portrayal, and maybe add a tad more description. :3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kale Posted January 11, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 i get exactly what you are tellin' me. that has been my biggest problem from the beginning, imo. it is my goal to change those very things that you outlined for me. This duel was written with the beginning series of monsters of his, the smaller ones. It's the introduction to his deck, a taste of his duel style, just like how Yusei's first duels were centered around the same 4 monsters: Speed Warrior, Junk Synchron, Bolt Hedgehog, and Junk Warrior as the ace. But over time the cards changed, his favorite plays shifted, his true ace monster was revealed, and even quicker duels were seen. And the anime is all about ass pulls, tbh. XD My point is, if you didn't like one duel it shouldn't 'dissuade' you from reading further. Future cards will be introduced, used, and overused. as it always is in the anime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anbu-of-Sand Posted January 11, 2011 Report Share Posted January 11, 2011 [quote name='Kale' timestamp='1294785712' post='4928089'] My point is, if you didn't like one duel it shouldn't 'dissuade' you from reading further. Future cards will be introduced, used, and overused. as it always is in the anime. [/quote] I'm sorta butting in here, but I'm not letting a single duel that to be honest, could have had a bit more detail / description here and there, stop me from reading it. The fan fic is pretty good overall, and that is why I intend to continue reading it (well, that and the chance of my Archetype being in it as well xD). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reinforce Posted January 13, 2011 Report Share Posted January 13, 2011 That's a good story, Ill post a character on the card contest soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StraightEdge07 Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 I was just wondering, did you start writing the next chapter, and do you make them up as you go by, or do you have it all planned? Anyways goodluck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kale Posted January 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 i have not started writing the next chapter yet. But i do have it planned. A little. i just need to work out a few kinks in the storyline, and i do that from thinking about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaos Number: Card Master Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 Wow that is all that needs to be said Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo Duel Posted February 9, 2011 Report Share Posted February 9, 2011 The only thing that makes me sad is the fact I kept running out of time to comment on this. Everytime I tried (because truth be told, I was forgetful till the near end), the bell rang, and my time was up. Having said that, this is truly a great fan-fic. The cliff hanger is added nicely, adding to the suspsense. The main character is the kind that has true Yu-Gi-Oh feel to him. I got the vibe he could truly be a duelist in the anime / manga. I love this fan-fic, and I hope it continues. P.S. Where did you get that awesome Nebula idea?! It's like...beyond awesome Kale when will you update your Fan-Fic?! I'm beginning to wonder if you've forgotten about it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Ursus Posted March 24, 2011 Report Share Posted March 24, 2011 Truly looking forward to this fic's updates. Hope you're not too busy, Kale. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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