yugioh Shattered Dimensions

[pyrowiz23]

[center][size="6"][font="Microsoft Sans Serif"]Yu-Gi-Oh!
Shattered Dimensions
Part One: Into a New Dimension
Chapter One[/font] [/size][/center]It all started one sunny afternoon… I was surrounded by adoring classmates and loving friends. I was up against the school bully, Kasuka, and his deck of Dinos. Kasuka was your average, know-it-all jerk, with a giant mouth to match his giant ego. He was wearing his faded denim jacket with jeans and his usual, "I'm WAY better than you!" look on his face. Me on the other hand, wasn't as cocky as my opponent. My name is Shyoyo Kaja, and I'm going to be the next King of Games, I live in a run-down city, trying to keep my family alive by mopping the floor with duellists like Kasuke. I have red hair, green eyes, wearing a black Billy Talent t-shirt, and jeans as I'm trying to beat the second best duellist in my school. Second only to me that is.
“It’s my turn!” he shouted, (Kasuka LP: 3200) drawing a card out of his duel disk. So far things haven’t been going my way. Kasuka’s monsters dominated the field with their massive Atk points. Somehow though I managed to clear his field, but with only a Fox Fire and a face-down on my side of the field, I was wary of his next move. “This duel is mine!" he yelled as he slammed two cards onto his duel disk.suddenly two brown coloured raptors appeared onto his side of the field. “Thanks to their special abilities, I’m allowed to special summon 2 Gilasaurus (Atk: 1400, Def: 1000) to my side of the field.”
“Thanks!” I shouted back to him (Shyoyo: 1800), “Now I can summon two monsters from my grave, and I think I’ll summon two more Fox Fires in defence mode!”(Atk: 300, Def: 200) the required cards slipped out of my grave, and two small looking foxes with their tails on fire, appeared onto my side of the field.
“You can’t hide behind those runts forever, Shyoyo!” he called as he played a card out of his hand, “Now you can face the destructive power of my ultimate beast!” placing the card on his duel disk. Suddenly his two Gilasaurus’ were removed from the field as a giant, green coloured dinosaur, wearing silver and purple armour appeared on the field. “Meet my Super Conductor Tyranno!”(Atk: 3300, Def: 1400) he called proudly as his monster let out an earth shattering roar. “And now I’ll activate the trap card called Death Not In Vain. This trap activates when I tribute summon a monster. I’m allowed to destroy monsters on my opponent’s side of the field, equal to the number of monsters used for the tribute summon. And, to top it all off, I’ll equip my Tyranno with Axe of Despair. Increasing its Atk to 4300! ” I then watched helplessly as two of my three Fox Fires were blown to pixels in front of me. “Now attack my Tyranno!” Once again I watched as my final monster was destroyed. “I end my turn, pip-squeak.”
“Thanks.” I muttered as I looked over the cards in my hand… Bingo! “Looks like I’m going to win this duel, this turn.” I said. I could hear my friends whispering to each other and the look of astonishment on Kasuka’s face. “Now thanks to my monsters effect, come back Fox Fire!” the little fox returned onto my side of the field. “Next I’ll tribute it to summon, Flame Wolf.”(Atk: 2600, Def: 2100)
“Hey you can’t do that!” Kasuka called, looking slightly concerned.
“Too bad for you, the turn Flame Wolf would be and is summoned it negates the effect of all cards on the field. So the summon can go through!” I played my card. A white wolf with a ring of flame around his body and head appeared onto my side of the field.
“Still,” Said Kasuka, “Your monster’s still too weak to go toe to toe with my ultimate beast!” Pumping his fist into the air, his monster let out another deafening roar.
“Who said I was going to attack yet?” I smirked, “I activate my face-down known as Rite of Passage! This means that I’m allowed to send two cards from my hand to the grave and send Flame Wolf packing, in order to summon Magma Vulpan!”(Atk: 3400, Def: 1900) I said triumphantly as an orange wolf with flames licking of its tail and paws, appeared onto the field.
“Too bad it’s all for not. Leaving only one card left in your hand, clearing your field of monsters in order to summon another pathetic one, and while you’re at it why don’t you just surrender?” Kasuka then laughed.
“Cause you haven’t seen Magma Vulpan’s special effect yet!” that whipped the smile off his face. “You see I can now summon monsters from my graveyard whose levels equal 6, and then I can add their Atk to my monsters attack points! And I think that I’ll summon forth, Flame Wolf!” I smiled as my creature appeared on the field. “Now, watch carefully as my monsters Atk increases from 3400 to a mighty 6000!” I almost laughed as I saw his face drain of colour, “Now my Magma Vulpan will attack and destroy your ultimate beast!”
“No!!” he screamed as his beast exploded from my attack (Ka: 1500)
“And now, for the final blow, I attack with my Flame Wolf!” (Ka: 0) After my final attack I was surrounded by my cheering class-mates and other friends. Even people I didn’t even know picked me up into the air and cheered for me. Never before has winning a duel felt as good as this, even though I was happy that I had won, I something happened when we were duelling which unnerved me. As our monsters clashed together, I thought I saw a crack open underneath them. Was it my imagenation, or was someting bigger at stake here?
Chapter Two
Sorry for not introducing myself properly. My name is Shyoyo Kaja; I got the first name as a nickname and birth name. I think it’s because I always say that instead of hi or yo. At home I duel my 5 different siblings who always mix and match decks, so they keep me on my toes. Me? Oh I play a Fox Fire deck. Lots of people don’t know why I based my deck on such weak cards, but I always beat them anyway. Now on with the story…
“Shyoyo, wake up!” my, obviously enraged, mother called from down-stairs.
“Wait… what time is it?” I muttered as I rubbed sleep from my eyes.
“It’s about time for you to get your butt out the door and get to Duel Academy, and A.S.A.P.!”
Shoot! I forgot about that! My entrance exam is today. I got 82% on the written portion so I figure I’ll be going into Ra yellow as soon as they see my duel prowess. Anyway as I rush out the door, cramming a bit of toast into my mouth, I knew I couldn’t be late or else my future as the next King of Games would be over.
So here I am, running faster than I ever have before, trying to ‘Beat the Bell’. Finally I get to the Registration Desk. They ask me a few questions and I’m right on my way. Thank god. Anyway as soon as I enter the arena, I’m blown away from the size of it. I mean, it’s huge!! Not even my school could compare to the size of this place!
There are huge monitors everywhere so you can see every move, everyone’s making. As I’m walking toward an open seat, I see people talking about how they did on the exam, and people in bright coloured jackets. Finally I see a seat beside a guy and what looked like to be his sister. The girl was wearing a Sliver Red jacket but the boy obviously hadn’t duelled yet.
“Spencer McPhedran. It’s your time to duel; please meet in station 12 for your duel. I repeat Spencer McPhedran. It’s your time to duel. Thank you.” The speaker blared.
I watched as the boy beside me stood up and walked toward his duel. He was a bit taller than me, with blonde hair and steel grey eyes. He was also wearing a black coat which split down the back. Thankfully for me his duel was right there in front of me, so, deciding to check-out his strategy and deck, I turned my head and started watching the duel.
“Greetings, I’m Duel Professor Galati. Are you ready to duel?” His opponent asked. Spencer nodded as he drew 6 cards from his deck, taking the intuitive (Spe: 4000, Gal: 4000).
“For my first move, I think I’ll summon forth Maiden of Macabre in attack mode!” (Atk: 1700, Def: 0). A blue skinned maiden dressed in a flowing and elegant dress with black hair, holding a giant scythe, suddenly appeared on the field. The scythe itself was made entirely out of bones except for the blade.
“Decent attack for a 4 star monster, but not a whole lot of defence.” Commented Galati.
“Attack is not the only weapon,” said Spencer, “I now set two spell or trap cards and end my turn.”
“Fine,” said Galati, drawing his sixth card. “I think I’ll summon forth Galactic Enforcer (Atk: 1400, Def: 1200).” A Green haired warrior appeared on the field. He had grey armour and what looked like an electric sabre, attached to his waist. “Now I’ll attack you with him! Go Galactic Enforcer!” he said with a mighty cry as his monster drew its sword and attacked. Maiden of Macabre made an easy parry and Galactic Enforcer then blew up in pixels (Gal: 3700). “A necessary sacrifice.” He then stated after his monster left the field.
Spencer was obviously annoyed that Galati sacrificed his own monster, “Monsters are your friends, and you sent him to the Graveyard like he was nothing. I’ll show you, go trap card Coffin Seller!” (Gal: 3400)
“Why did I take extra damage?” Galati asked, astonished that there was a card he never heard of.
“People these days just don’t say goodbye properly, so I gave your monster a coffin. The only drawback is that any time you send a monster to the grave you take 300 points of damage.” Spencer replied, looking pleased with himself. “And I’m not done there either, since my Maiden of Macabre destroyed your monster it gains another 200 Atk points (Atk: 1900).” I watched in awe as his monsters scythe increased in size.
“Nice combo, but you haven’t seen my monsters special effect, when Galactic Enforcer is destroyed and sent to the grave I can draw three cards from my deck.” He then looked over the newly drawn cards. “Next off I’ll activate the spell known as Galactic Enhancements. This spell has two different effects. The first one states that when I have over five cards in my hand, I can special summon two Level 3 or lower monsters from my hand. The second states that I can discard any number of cards from my hand and have my opponent discard the same amount, and I choose the first. Now come forth Galactic Guard (Atk: 100, Def: 2000), and Galactic Pawn (Atk: 500, Def: 1000).” Two level 3 monsters appeared onto his side of the field, the first looked like Galactic Enforcer except with a giant shield. The second was smaller in size and held what looked to be a small blaster in his hand and electric dagger at his waist.
“Am I supposed to scared of them?” asked Spencer.
“Actually yes you are. You see, now that I have two Level 3 monsters on my side of the field, I can tribute them and Excess Summon, Galactic Space Serpent (Atk: 2500, Def: 1700)!” As his two monsters were replaced with a giant grey scaled leviathan, a look of shock crossed Spencer’s face.
“Nice move.” He commented, “But now since your monsters were sent to the grave, you take 600 points of damage.” (Gal: 2800)
“Be that as it may, I now will attack and destroy your Maiden of Macabre!” he called as Spencer’s monster was blown to pixels (Spe: 3400), “Now that you don’t have any monsters to defend yourself the effect of my Serpent activates, inflicting damage to your life points equal to half the Atk of the destroyed monster, on the other hand you can draw cards until you have the same as me in your hand.” Spencer didn’t say anything as he drew the extra card and took the damage (Spe: 2450). “I’ll end my turn by setting 2 cards face-down, your move.” The odd thing is that after he drew the extra card, he started laughing.
“Are you ready to see true power?” he asked Galati.
“What are you talking about?” he answered.
“Since I took damage, I can summon forth a mighty beast from my hand, a king among fiends. Come forth, Tragoedia (Atk:?, Def )!” Suddenly the field turned black and from the depths of the Earth, came a black beast in the shape of a giant scarab. It was as though the temperature dropped to -30, and the darkness which emanated from the beast almost blew me away. It was as though this creature actually was an evil incarnate. Suddenly I was hit with what felt like a stab in my chest. The pain was intense! Was it coming from Tragoedia? [i][/i]Impossible,[i][/i]I told myself, but as quickly as it came it left, leaving a dull throb in its place.
“Professor Galati, you’ve just met your match.”
“Whatever you pull out I’m ready for it.” He muttered, ending his turn.
“I draw! And in order to start my turn off, I’ll let you know Tragoedia’s special ability. For every card in my hand its Atk and Def rises by 600 points (Atk: 2400, Def: 2400).”
“So!” called Galati, “It’s no match for my monster!” his Space Serpent then let out a deafening hiss.
“But I’m not done yet!” Said Spencer, with this Galati’s face fell. “I now activate the spell known as Brain Control and by paying 800 life points (Spe: 1650), I can take control of your Serpent!” the last bit of colour drained from Galati’s face as his monster slithered over to Spencer’s side of the field. “Since I used a card from my hand though, my monsters Atk and Def are decreased by 600 points (Atk: 1800, Def: 1800), now my Tragoedia, attack him directly!” he shouted as a blast of dark energy was shot at Galati, hitting him directly in the chest (Gal: 1000). The force of the blast brought him to his knees.
“Nice hit.” Galati grunted as he picked himself off the floor. “But now you’ve activated my trap, Be Gone, Knave! With the help of this trap I can send your monster back to your hand.” Galati smiled as Tragoedia left the field.
“Oh, but I’m far from finished. Go Galactic Space Serpent! Attack with Spatial Fang!” with that the huge serpent coiled itself up and then shot across the arena about to deliver the killing blow to its old master.
“Nice try, but I activate the Quick-Play spell known as Spatial Rift! With this, I remove all Overlaid monsters on my Serpent so I can negate the damage Space Serpent inflicts, plus I can draw a card. If the card I draw is a spell or trap I can either restart the Battle-Phase as my own or end it. If the card’s a monster I place it back on top of my deck and skip my next draw phase.” Galati smirked as he drew his card. “Lucky for me, it’s a spell! And I think it’s time for my Battle-Phase.” Spencer’s face fell as Galactic Space Serpent slithered over to his opponent’s side. “Now Galactic Space Serpent, destroy him!” he called as an orb of energy shot out of the serpents mouth.
“I may be down, but I’m not out.” Called Spencer as a card from his hand entered the Grave slot on his duel disk, “I send Kuriboh from my hand to the grave to cancel your attack.” He said triumphantly (Spe: 1650).
“Saved yourself for now, but next turn you’re dead.” Called Galati.
“No.” said Spencer as he drew his card, “’Cause this turn I’m going to win. I now activate the magic card, Monster Reborn! With this I special summon forth my Maiden of Macabre.” Once again the blue skinned warrior appeared on the field. “Now I activate the Field-Spell known as Mystic Plasma Zone, which increases the Atk of all DARK monsters by 500 points and decrease their defence by 400, but since my Maiden had no Def in the first place it doesn’t affect her (Maiden of Macabre: 2200 Atk).” And once again I watched in awe as his monsters scythe increased in size. “But I’m still not done, next I activate my face-down, Dark Magic Curtain! Now by giving up half my life points I can Special Summon Dark Magician in attack mode!” (Spe: 825) He called as a blinding light filled the room, suddenly the light vanished and standing on the field was a sorcerer, clad in purple armour while holding a glowing green staff (Dark Magician Atk: 3000, Def: 1700).
“B-b-b-but tha-that card is only supposed to be inside the deck of Yugi Motou.” Stammered Galati, surprised that he possessed such a card. Truth be told, everyone here was surprised to see such a monster.
“Too bad for you this monster’s going to win me this duel! Now attack Dark Magician, with Dark Magic Attack!” (Gal:500 ) “Now that that’s out of the way, go Maiden of Macabre attack him directly!” (Gal:0) With the killing blow the crowd went nuts. Everyone, including me, was cheering and whooping it up like it was New Year’s Eve.

[Cthonian]

I only read the first chapter because I'm multi tasking, but I love it. Try using spoilers though. [spoiler= insert title ] but the brackets need to touch the words. You should read mine. It's called "And So It Begins".

[DARKPLANT RISING]

The duel is pretty lame, but still good for YCM's horrible standards.

Also, Tragoedia is only used by Professor Mackenzie or something if my mind is working correctly. In fan fics you can't use those sort of promo cards. According to the sacred laws of YGO plot device, there's only 1 Tragoedia card in the world along with all the other legend cards and stuff.

But well, nice start.

[pyrowiz23]

that's in the Gx manga, not in a story, and besides, you'll see why it's in his deck later on, and which duel the first or second?

that's in the Gx manga, not in a story, and besides, you'll see why it's in his deck later on, and which duel the first or second?

[pyrowiz23]

(spoiler-Chapter 3)
“Well, well, well. Looks like it’s just you, me, and destiny, son.” Said the Professor I was versing. He had a silver jacket on, spiked up hair, and dark glasses. “My name is Takuhi. And I’m the Duel Professor that you’ll be duelling today.” I nodded as I slid out my duel disk.
“Looking forward to duel Sir.” I said.
“Well looky here.” He whistled, “We’ve got a gentleman on our hands. Well let’s see if you’ll be kind enough to let me win.” (Shyoyo: 4000, Takuhi: 4000) He said as he drew first. “For my first move, I’ll summon forth, Clockwork Knight in attack mode (Atk: 1800, Def: 1600).” A shining knight suddenly appeared on the field, with armour which looked like to be made out of a complicated clockwork mechanism. “Now’s a good time for me to let you in on his special ability, you see on the turn he’s summoned, during my Main Phase I can inflict damage to your life points equal to the number of cards in my hand times 300. Now go, Clockwork Slash!” he cried as his monster slashed though 1500 of my life points (Shyoyo: 2500). I could tell that he’s a professional, by the smug look on his face I knew my luck had just started to run out, and that the worst was yet to come.
[center][/center]this is just a spoiler but tell me what you think of it and chapter 3 will be up soon.

[Twig]

[spoiler=Review][quote name='pyrowiz23' timestamp='1293222291' post='4881241']
[center][font="Microsoft Sans Serif"]Yu-Gi-Oh!
Shattered Dimensions
Part One: Into a New Dimension
Chapter One[/font][/center]

[b]I took off the unnecessarily big size, but I'm surprised this wall capitalized correctly unlike the thread title.[/b]

It all started one sunny afternoon… I was surrounded by adoring fans, and loving friends.

[b]Unnecessary comma. This sentence screams out MARY SUE. Maybe it would be fine if this character was just an actor or a famous duelist, but looking at the next sentence, it's just a popular kid at school.[/b]

I was up against the school bully, Kasuka, and his army of Dino’s.

[b]Unnecessary apostrophe. Not only is this guy/girl popular, this person fights against bullies and armies of dinosaurs! It's official. This person is a Mary Sue.[/b]

“It’s my turn!” he shouted, (Ka: 3200) almost tearing the card out of his duel disk.

[b]Notice the lack of description. At least now we know what gender the bully is. This guy must be super serious about this duel for him to be "almost tearing the card out". I know how Duel Disks work, and I'm pretty sure you can't tear the card out of the disk unless you're actually [i]trying[/i] to tear it.[/b]

So far things haven’t been going my way. Kasuka’s monsters

[b]We know the bully's name and gender, but we have yet to learn anything about the main character besides the fact that's he/she is a Mary Sue. I'm just going to picture this unknown character as Jaden.
[/b]
dominated the field with their barrage of Atk points,

[b]A barrage of points isn't really scary. I would be scared of a barrage of attacks, or a bunch of monster with high attacks, but what the heck is a barrage of attack points.[/b]

and with an evil glint in his eye, I was wary for his next move,

[b]The evil glint in his eye tells the readers that the bully is indeed evil! And because of that glint, Jaden became wary of his next move![/b]

“Now you’re going to lose!” he yelled, slamming two cards onto the field,

[b]Jaden: Why is he slamming those cards into the ground?
pyrowiz23: Because he's so evil, he's evil to his own cards and slams them to the ground instead of putting them on the duel disk.
Me: THIS FANFIC MAKES SO MUCH SENSE NOW! THAT'S WHY HE WAS BEING MEAN AND YELLED, "NOW YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE!"[/b]

“Thanks to their special abilities

[b]Who's special abilities?[/b]

I’m allowed to special summon 2 Gilasaurus’ (Atk: 1400, Def: 1000) to my side of the field.”

[b]What's with the unnecessary apostrophes? It's just as bad as not having apostrophes where there's suppose to be.[/b]

As if on cue, two brown coloured raptors appeared on his side of the field.

[b]Jaden: OMG! How did they appear just when he said they were going to appear!?
pyrowiz23: Because.
Me: Ohh....I get it now.[/b]

“Thanks!” I shouted back to him (Shyoyo: 1800), “Now I can summon two monsters from my grave, and I think I’ll summon two more Fox Fires in defence mode!”(Atk: 300, Def: 200) the required cards slipped out of my grave, and two small looking foxes with their tails on fire, appeared onto my side of the field.

[b]I really hate duels in Yugioh fanfics. They're so boring and dull, but this duel is even worse. I don't even know what's on the field and what their life points are. [/b]

“You can’t hide behind those runts forever, Shyoyo!” he called as he ripped a card out of his hand,

[b]Well we finally get a name, but I still don't know the gender let alone what he looks like.
Shyoyo: Why is this guy so aggressive with his cards?
pyrowiz23: Because he's evil. I told you that already.
Shyoyo: No, you told Jaden that.[/b]

“Now you can face the destructive power of my ultimate beast!” slamming a card on his duel disk.

[b]Aww. I was wanted him to slam it into the field.
If this bully is always like this when he duels, I wonder what his cards and duel disk look like.[/b]

Suddenly his two Gilasaurus’ were removed from the field as a giant, green coloured dinosaur, wearing silver and purple armour appeared on the field.

[b]Unnecessary apostrophes are unnecessary. I love how the monster's appearance is more important than the duelists.[/b]

“Meet my Super Conductor Tyranno!”(Atk: 3300, Def: 1400) he called proudly as his monster let out an earth shattering roar. “And now I’ll activate the trap card called Death Not In Vain. This trap activates when I tribute summon a monster. I’m allowed to destroy monsters on my opponent’s side of the field, equal to the number of monsters used for the tribute summon. And, to top it all off, I’ll equip my Tyranno with Axe of Despair. Increasing its Atk to 4300! ” I then watched helplessly as two of my three Fox Fires were blown to pixels in front of me. “Now attack my Tyranno!” Once again I watched as my final monster was destroyed. “I end my turn, pip-squeak.”

[b]What? Was his final monster destroyed before?[/b]

“Thanks.” I muttered

[b]Shyoyo has adoring fans, loving friends, fights evil bullies and dinosaurs, and is a good sport. No, he/she is totally not a Mary Sue. Now watch as he/she makes a super duper comeback using his/her Mary Sue powers![/b]

as I looked over the cards in my hand… Bingo! “Looks like I’m going to win this duel, this turn.” I said. I could hear my friends whispering to each other and the look of astonishment on Kasuka’s face. “Now thanks to my monsters effect, come back Fox Fire!” the little fox returned onto my side of the field. “Next I’ll tribute it to summon, Flame Wolf.”(Atk: 2600, Def: 2100)
“Hey you can’t do that!” Kasuka called, looking slightly concerned.
“Too bad for you, the turn Flame Wolf would be and is summoned it negates the effect of all cards on the field. So the summon can go through!” I played my card.

[b]I'm so confused not only because it started off as confusing and because of the terrible grammar! But as you can see, my prediction was correct. He/she used the power of [s]Mary Sue[/s] cheating.[/b]

A white wolf with a ring of flame around his body and head suddenly appeared onto my side of the field.

[b]I love how it says suddenly as if it was a surprise.[/b]

“Still,” Said Kasuka, “Your monster’s still too weak to go toe to toe with my ultimate beast!” Pumping his fist into the air, his monster let out another deafening roar.

[b]Thank you Captain Obvious the Evil Bully.[/b]

“Who said I was going to attack yet?” I smirked, “I activate the trap known as Rite of Passage! This means that I’m allowed to send two cards from my hand to the grave and send Flame Wolf packing, in order to summon Magma Vulpan!”(Atk: 3400, Def: 1900) I said triumphantly as an orange wolf with flames licking of its tail and paws, appeared onto the field.

[b]The power of [s]Mary Sue[/s] cheating has never been so overpowered.[/b]

“Too bad it’s all for not: leaving only one card left in your hand, clearing your field of monsters in order to summon another pathetic one, and while you’re at it why don’t you just surrender?” Kasuka then laughed manically.

[b]wut
A colon in dialogue? Oh look, the evil bully has an evil laugh.[/b]

“Cause you haven’t seen Magma Vulpan’s special effect yet!” that whipped the smile off his face. “You see I can now summon monsters from my graveyard whose levels equal 6, and then I can add their Atk to my monsters attack points! And I think that I’ll summon forth, Flame Wolf!” I smiled as my creature appeared on the field. “Now, watch carefully as my monsters Atk increases from 3400 to a mighty 6000!” I almost laughed as I saw his face drain of colour, “Now my Magma Vulpan will attack and destroy your ultimate beast!”
“No!!” he screamed as his beast exploded from my attack (Ka: 1500)
“And now, for the final blow, I attack with my Flame Wolf!” (Ka: 0) After my final attack I was surrounded by my cheering class-mates and other friends. Even people I didn’t even know picked me up into the air and cheered for me. It felt good.

[b]That was probably the worst last sentence of chapter/story/piece of writing I have ever seen. That's the end of chapter one. What was the point of this chapter? The title spoke of dimensions and shattering, but there was no mention of that in Chapter One. Is chapter one for introducing characters? It can't be. All we learned was that Shyoyo is a Mary Sue. So I've come to a conclusion that this was just a pointless chapter.

Not once did we get a detail of the appearances of the main characters, the dialogue was horribly unrealistic, the character's actions are also awkward and unrealistic, the duel was as boring as as [url="http://www.rdrop.com/~hutch/argon"]The Eye of Argon[/url], the grammar was terrible, the sentences were bad, and worst of all, the main character could have been seen under the definition of Mary Sue in a Dictionary. [/b]
[/quote]
[/spoiler]

[pyrowiz23]

whoa there! either you've got the [size="5"][/size]WORST taste of fanfics in the world, or you just really hate me..

[DARKPLANT RISING]

If you think he has the worst taste of fan fics in the world, do you assume you're the best at it...?

Many people here write "Foe fics", the large wall of text Twig wrote above. They're pro in YCM. Get over it.

So while I think this isn't the best material for foe fics, you should be aware.

[Twig]

[quote name='pyrowiz23' timestamp='1293420975' post='4885922']
whoa there! either you've got the [size="5"][/size]WORST taste of fanfics in the world, or you just really hate me..
[/quote]

I don't even know you, and I think you're the one with the bad taste if you think this is even decent. Just constructive criticism. I don't hate anyone. I just hate the fanfic.

[pyrowiz23]

ok ok, i suppose it's not that great, but it gives me something to do when i'm bored.i fixed it up a bit so re-read it and tell me what you think. by the way isn't always wierd how people in the anime always draw the right card at the right time? and though i appreciate constructive criticism, you sound almost as evil as Kasuka!

[Twig]

[quote name='pyrowiz23' timestamp='1293423147' post='4885974']
ok ok, i suppose it's not that great, but it gives me something to do when i'm bored.

[b]I write when I'm bored too, but no one is forcing you to post it.[/b]

i fixed it up a bit so re-read it and tell me what you think.

[b]I will tomorrow. It's nighttime here, and I'm kind of tired.[/b]

by the way isn't always wierd how people in the anime always draw the right card at the right time?

[b]Yeah, but Shyoyo activated a trap card like a spell card, which is cheating if I recall correctly. I was rather confused anyways. It wasn't...clear.[/b]

and though i appreciate constructive criticism, you sound almost as evil as Kasuka!

[b]Glad you didn't freak out. =D[/b]
[/quote]

[pyrowiz23]

Chapter Three
“Nice job, Spencer. You truly are a good duellist. Best of luck.” Galati said as he turned and walked out of the arena. The girl beside me was calling her brother’s name and congratulating him on his win.
“He’s a really good duellist to be able to win against an archetype deck.” I told the girl beside me.
“Ya, he’s been training for months for this and I’m glad he won. My name’s Alexis and you are?” she asked.
“Shyoyo.” I replied.
“You’re that duellist from school, right; the one who beat Kasuka?”
“Yup, that’s me.” It felt good to be known in a place this size.
“I heard he got a new deck and that he’s already made it into Obelisk Blue.”
“What?!” I asked, completely surprised by the comment. Before I could ask her any more questions, the announcer already was calling for me.
“Can I have Shyoyo Kaja, to piece 8? Shyoyo Kaja to piece 8 please, Shyoyo Kaja.”
“See ya.” I said as I stepped past her and headed toward, my duel.

As I headed over to my duel, I was getting really nervous about it. Asking myself questions like, “Will I do well?” and, “What happens if I lose?” Anyway, as I got to my piece I realized that I was the only left to duel… and that I would be played on the Jumbo Screens on both ends of the stadium. My duel was going live! Everyone would be able to see me, and criticize me!
“Well, well, well. Looks like it’s just you, me, and destiny, son.” Said the Professor I was versing. He had a silver jacket on, spiked up hair, and dark glasses. “My name is Takuhi. And I’m the Duel Professor that you’ll be duelling today.” I nodded as I slid out my duel disk.
“Looking forward to duel Sir.” I said.
“Well looky here.” He whistled, “We’ve got a gentleman on our hands. Well let’s see if you’ll be kind enough to let me win.” (Shyoyo: 4000, Tak: 4000) He said as he drew first. “For my first move, I’ll summon forth, Clockwork Knight in attack mode (Atk: 1800, Def: 1600).” A shining knight suddenly appeared on the field, with armour which looked like to be made out of a complicated clockwork mechanism. “Now’s a good time for me to let you in on his special ability, you see on the turn he’s summoned, during my Main Phase I can inflict damage to your life points equal to the number of cards in my hand times 300. Now go, Clockwork Slash!” he cried as his monster slashed though 1500 of my life points (Shyoyo: 2500). I could tell that he’s a professional, by the smug look on his face I knew my luck had just started to run out, and that the worst was yet to come. “But I’m not done yet, next off I’ll activate the spell cards known as: Clockwork Blast, two Clockwork Conjurations, and Counter-Clockwise.” He said as he slammed the four different cards onto his duel disk. “Now if you’re confused, let me explain their special effects: the effect of Counter-Clockwise allows it to go first in a chain of two or more cards, then I can choose the order of the cards to proceed in. Next off is Clockwork Conjurations effect which gives one Clockwork monster I control 1 Time Counter. Since I used two of them, my beast gains two Time Counters, which increases its Atk to 2000!” he cried as his monster suddenly grew in size and unsheathed a huge sword. “Finally, Clockwork Blast inflicts damage to your life point’s equal to the Atk of my monster plus 100 points of damage for every Time Counter my monster has on it. Now go, Clockwork Knight! Attack with Clockwork Slash!” Once again I watched in horror as his monster sheared through 2200 of my life points (Shyoyo: 300), “Your turn bud.” He said folding his arms across his chest.
“Too bad for you,” I said, “I’m not feeling that generous today.” He looked almost stunned at my comment.
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
“Instead of telling you, how about I show you?” I answered summoning a monster from my hand. “Come forth, Pyro Pup!” I called proudly as a small, baby fox appeared on my side of the field (Atk: 100, Def: 200).
“What are you thinking of doing with a runt like that?” he asked, trying to intimidate me.
“Some of the smallest things are full of big surprises.” I say as I summon two more Pyro Pup’s to my side of the field. “I mean, just look at his special ability. Allowing me to bring out two more little pup’s from my deck. Did I forget to mention that each one of my Pyro Pup’s gain 200 Atk points for every Level 1 monster on my field?” I said as all of my monsters Atk increased by 600 points (100-700).
“It won’t do any good for you.” Takuhi called.
“But I’m not done just yet.” I shout back, “Now I activate the spell card known as, Igniting the Spark!” I could see by the look on his face that he has never encountered the card before. “With this card I can summon forth one Level four or lower Pyro-Type monster to my side of the field, and I think that I’ll bring out Fox Fire!” I called triumphantly as I slammed the card onto my duel disk (Atk: 300, Def: 200). “Now since I summoned a Fox Fire using Igniting the Spark, I can special summon another one from my deck.” I said as another fox joined the rest on my side of the field.
“You filled you monster card zone with pathetic monsters, congratulations.” Takuhi called from his side.
“What’d I tell you before about small monsters?” I said as my Field card zone opened and I played my trump-card. “I activate the Field spell known as Hinotama’s Flame Forest!” I cried as the field turned into a forest caught in an inferno of flame and smoke. “Thanks to the effect of this Field spell, the Atk points of all Level three or lower monsters on my side of the field increase by 300 points times the added Level of all cards on my field. Which means both of my Fox Fire’s Atk rises to 2400 and all of my Pyro Pup’s Atk rises to a devastating 2800!” I shout as Takuhi’s smile flies off of his face.
“Unbelievable.” Is all he can manage to say before my barrage of attacks seared through his life points and his Clockwork Knight (Tak: 0).
A ONE TURN KILL!! I can’t even believe it! My first duel here, aired all across the monitors and the arena, was won in one turn. I could practically HEAR Duel Academy calling for me to come. If this is my first step toward becoming the next King of Games, I can’t wait till my last.

this is chapter three so let me now wht you think about it.

[pyrowiz23]

sorry for having to make you guys wait so long, i'm almost done chapter four, here's a spoiler for you
(spoiler=Chapter four)

As the day wore on though I was going from excited to completely bored really fast. Just when things couldn’t get any worse I realized there was only one other person left to receive their ranking. Me, and the girl I saw on the bus, with the Vehicroid deck, and what Thakuami had in store for me that day would be something I’ve never forgotten, even to this day.
“Unfortunately for the remaining students,” he sighed dramatically, “We have only one spot remaining for Ra Yellow and Slifer Red.” I gasped at this. That meant that I’d have to duel for my spot! “So to kick off the year why not have or final newcomers Shyoyo Kaja, and Astrid Truseame, duel for their final spot. Winner takes Ra, loser takes Slifer Red. If, of course, this is okay with our contestants?” he asked, looking at me as one of his eyebrows rose.
“Of course,” I replied, already preparing my duel disk.
“And what of you, Astrid?” Asked Thakuami, looking toward my potential opponent.
“F-f-fine b-by me.” Stammered Astrid as she readied her disk. Turning toward me, she slowly sighed and drew her 6 cards, taking the initiative. “I set two cards face-down, and summon forth Jetroid in attack mode.” (Atk: 1200, Def: 1800) She said as her machine came onto the field. It looked like a red jet, except with eyes and outstretched landing gears to mimic arms and legs. “Next off I’ll equip it with Roid-Armour Reinforcements. With this card I can half the Def of one Roid on my field and add the same amount to its Atk.” She said as her monsters Atk increased to 2100, and its Def dropped to a measly 900. “To finish off I’ll activate the spell known as Roid-Razor Blast.” She said as a giant mechanical-saw replaced her monsters arm. “With this card I can inflict damage to your life-points equal to the difference of one of my Roids Atk and Def points, now go attack him Jetroid with Razor Shard Strike!” she called as she thrusted her hand forward and her monster took out 1200 of my life-points (Shyoyo: 2800).