Somebody lock!!!!

[Atomix]

???? - JADEN YUKI, JADEN YUKI!!!!!

(JADEN RAISES HIS HEAD FROM HIS TABLE)

???? - IT’S YOUR TURN,

JADEN - MY TURN FOR WHAT, DR CROWLER,

DR CROWLER - TO TAKE YOUR DUELLING TEST DUEL,

JADEN - O.K.

(JADEN GET OUT OF HIS CHAIR AND WALKS TOWARDS THE STAGE BUT TRIPS AND ROLLS THE REST OF THE WAY)

JADEN - READY TO DUEL,

DR CROWLER - AND YOUR OPPONENT WILL BE YOU,

SYRUS - ME,

DR CROWLER - NO, YOU,

CHUMLEY - HE MEANS YOU,

JADEN - NO HE MEANS YOU,

CHUMLEY - ME,

DR CROWLER - NO THE NEW KID,

???? - O.K.

(THE NEW KID WALKED DOWN TO THE STAGE)

DR CROWLER - YOU HAVE A COUPLE OF MINUTES, BEGIN,

 

LP=JADEN YUKI, 4000

LP=JACOB ANDERTON, 4000

 

JACOB (NEW KID) - THE NAME JACOB AND I’M GOING TO TRASH YOU,

JADEN - SORRY NOT TODAY, I’M THE NEXT KING OF GAMES,

I START BY SUMMONING “ELEMENTAL HERO SPARKMAN”

(ATK=1400) AND PLACING ONE CARD FACE DOWN,

JACOB - I START, I PLAY ONE CARD FACE DOWN DEFENCE AND

PLAY TWO FACE DOWN CARDS,

JADEN - MY TURN, GO SPARKMAN ATTACK HIS FACE DOWN CARD,

(SPARKMAN STARTS TO CREATE ELECTRIC FROM HIS HANDS IN THE SHAPE OF BALL AND STARTS TO SHOOT AT THE FACE DOWN CARD, JACOB’S CARD FLIP UP AND GOES TO THE GRAVEYARD)

JACOB - YOU JUST TRIGGERED MY “SKULL-MARK LADYBUG’S”

EFFECT, WHEN THIS CARD IS DESTROYED I GAIN 1000 LP,

LP=JADEN YUKI, 4000

LP=JACOB ANDERTON, 5000

 

JADEN - I END MY TURN,

JACOB - I DRAW, NOW I PLACE ONE CARD FACE DOWN DEFENCE,

JADEN - THAT’S ALL, I THOUGH YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO

MOP THE FLOOR WITH ME,

JACOB - DON’T WORRY, I WILL,

JADEN - O.K. I SUMMON “ELEMENTAL HERO WILDHEART”

(ATK=1500) WILDHEART ATTACK HIS FACE DOWN CARD,

(WILDHEART TOOK OUT A BLADED SWORD FROM HIS BACK AND RAN TOWARDS JACOB’S FACE DOWN CARD, IT FLIPPED UP TO REVEAL A HUGE TRUCK, “TRUCKROID” DEF=2000)

JACOB - HA, YOU TAKE 400 DAMAGE,

(JADEN’S LIFEPOINTS METER WENT DOWN BY 400)

 

LP=JADEN YUKI, 3600

LP=JACOB ANDERTON, 5000

 

JADEN - I WILL END MY TURN,

JACOB - MY TURN, I WILL USE THE FIELD SPELL, “UMI”,

(THE FIELD SUDDENLY TURN INTO A SEA AS EVERYONE ELSE IN THE CLASS JUMPED ON TO THE TABLES TO KEEP DRY)

JACOB - NOW I WILL PLACE ONE CARD IN ATTACK AND USE ITS

SPECIAL ABILITY, I CAN CHANGE ALL BATTLE POSITION

OF THE MONSTERS ON THE FIELD AND I CHOOSE YOUR

WILDHEART,

(WILDHEART SITS DOWN IN DEFENCE MODE)

JADEN - NOW I KNOW I CAN’T USE MY WILDHEART BUT ONE

QUESTION, WHY CHOOSE HIM, HE’S GOT HIGHER

DEFENCE,

JACOB - BECAUSE HE’S NOT EFFECTED BY TRAPS, NOW YOU

CAN’T CHANGE IT NEITHER BUT I CAN,

JADEN - WELL SO CAN I GO SPARKMAN ATTACK HIS GRAVITY ORB,

(SPARKMAN STARTS TO CREATE ELECTRIC FROM HIS HANDS IN THE SHAPE OF BALL AND STARTS TO SHOOT AT THE GRAVITY ORB, THEN)

JACOB - NOT SO FAST, I ACTIVATE THE TRAP CARD ENCHANTED

JAVELIN, NOW I GAIN THE ATTACK OF YOU MONSTER AS

LP,

 

LP=JADEN YUKI, 3600

LP=JACOB ANDERTON, 6600

(GRAVITY ORB STILL GET’S DESTROYED AND SENT TO THE GRAVEYARD)

JACOB - MY TURN NOW, I DRAW,

(JADEN GLARED AT HIS SKYSCRAPER CARD TO DESTROY “UMI”)

JACOB - NOW I PLAY THE SPELL CARD “FIELD BARRIER”

NOW MY “UMI” CAN’T BE DESTROYED OR RESET,

NOW I PLAY ONE CARD FACE DOWN AND SUMMON

“SKELENGEL” AND USE HIS EFFECT, I CAN DRAW ONE CARD,

AND FINALLY I PLAY ONE LAST FACE DOWN CARD,

JADEN - MY TURN, I WILL SUMMON “ELEMENTAL HERO

BURSTINATRIX IN DEFENCE THEN SPARKMAN WILL ATTACK

YOU’RE SKELENGEL,

JACOB - AND I ACTIVATE THE TRAP CARD SAKURETSU ARMOR

WHICH DESTROYS YOUR MONSTER THAT IS ATTACKING,

JADEN - I END MY TURN,

JACOB - SO I CAN BEGIN MINE, I START BY DRAWING AND USING

SKELENGEL’S EFFECT TO DRAW ANOTHER, NOW I USE THE

SPELL CARD “BRAIN CONTROL” SO I CAN HAVE YOUR

WILDHEART, NOW, I WILL CHANGE WILDHEART TO ATTACK

AND “TRUCKROID”, NOW “TRUCKROID”, ATTACK HIS

BURSTINATRIX,

(TRUCKROID STARTED TO ACCELERATE TOWARDS HIS BURSTINATRIX AND RAMMED HER DESTROY THE CARD)

JACOB - NOW I WILL ATTACK YOU DIRECTLY WITH “SKELENGEL”,

(SKELENGEL TOOK OUT A BOW AND LAUNCHED IT AT JADEN)

 

LP=JADEN YUKI, 2700

LP=JACOB ANDERTON, 6600

 

JACOB - NOW I WILL ATTACK YOU DIRECTLY WITH WILDHEART,

(WILDHEART TOOK OUT A BLADED SWORD FROM HIS BACK AND RAN TOWARDS JADEN AND SLICED HIM)

 

LP=JADEN YUKI, 1200

LP=JACOB ANDERTON, 6600

 

JADEN - MY MOVE, I PLAY THE SPELL CARD POT OF GREED, I

DRAW TWO CARDS, NOW I SUMMON “ELEMENTAL HERO

NECROSHADE” IN DEFENCE MODE, YOUR TURN,

JACOB - I DRAW AND I USE SKELENGEL’S EFFECT TO DRAW

ANOTHER, NOW I USE MY TRUCKROID’S EFFECT,

IF THIS CARD DESTROYS ONE OF YOUR MONSTERS I GET

IT’S ATTACK ON TRUCKROID, TRUCKROID NOW HAS

2200 ATTACK, NOW I PLAY THE SPELL CARD TOON

WORLD,

 

LP=JADEN YUKI, 1200

LP=JACOB ANDERTON, 5500

 

JACOB - NOW BECAUSE OF TOON WORLD I SUMMON

THE “BLUE-EYES TOON DRAGON”, NOW GO

TRUCKROID WILL ATTACK YOUR NECROSHADE,

(TRUCKROID STARTED TO ACCELERATE TOWARDS NECROSHADE AND DESTROYED HIM)

JADEN - NOW GO I CAN USE NECROSHADES SPECIAL ABILITY,

I WILL SUMMON “ELEMENTAL HERO BLADEDGE”,

JACOB - SO, NOW BLUE-EYES TOON DRAGON ATTACK HIS

BLADEDGE,

(BLUE-EYES SHOT A STREAM OF BLUE POWER TOWARDS HIS BLADEDGE DESTROYING IT)

 

LP=JADEN YUKI, 800

LP=JACOB ANDERTON, 5500

 

JACOB - NOW GO SKELENGEL ATTACK HIM DIRECTLY,

(SKELENGEL TOOK A BOW AND SHOT JADEN IN THE STOMACH AND JADEN COLLAPSED ON TO THE FLOOR)

 

LP=JADEN YUKI, 0

LP=JACOB ANDERTON, 5500

 

Note=This isn't all of chapter one, updated everyday if I get enough comments

[Aozora]

Okay... first, all caps hurts the eyes.

 

Second... I've never really been a fan of script format. I find that it engaged your readers a lot more if you write it like a book, providing a lot of detail for the scenery, the characters personalities, and so on.

 

I myself like to read things where I can imagine it going on, like watching it as a movie in my mind. With script format, I can't do that at all.

 

You've got a good start, but writing takes time and effort. You have to play out every detail, while also not planning at all. (If that makes sense.)

 

I'd like to see where you could go with this.

 

Just please, next time... don't put it in all caps. It hurts, and that drives people away. I'd suggest redoing this with normal letters so other people will read it.

[Atomix]

I find it better to write a book too, i'll start over soon....