Bleach: The Shards of the Lost (Chapter 1 Added)

[Squidward Tentacles]

[spoiler='Prologue']Prologue: The Fallen Shards

[i]A long time ago, there was a great divide separating the Soul Society from the Human World. The Valley of Screams, as it was called. The only beings that lived there were called blanks.


They were once controlled by a group of renegade Soul Reapers who called themselves, "The Dark Ones." They had prepared to use the Blanks to completely destroy the Soul Society and Human World, using a weapon known as the Memory Rosary.

Soon, their dark plans had been found out by Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya, who saw the Valley's reflection in the sky, and a substitute Soul Reaper, Ichigo Kurosaki, who saw it in a river in the Human World.

As the Dark Ones were defeated, bits and pieces of the Memory Rosary fell in shards in the Human World as well as the Soul Society. Legend has it, that whoever assembles all of the shards will be able to decide the fate of the Soul Society and the Human World.
[/i]
A boy closed the book. "Wow... power like that..." He thought. He jumped off the couch and ran upstairs to his bedroom. It was well before dawn, and he pulled on a blue shirt and grey sweatpants.


Then, he jumped into his computer chair, and slept. He was not tall, yet not short for his age. He was about 15, and he had spiky yellow hair.


Then, he turned on the computer, and began playing a video game.

Five Hours Later....

"Zak, get up!" His sister yelled. "Huh, wha?!" Zak Mikura woke with a start. "Come on, little bro! It's breakfast!" "Oops..." "Come on, it's pancake day." "PANCAKES!" Zak yelled. His sister, Mira Mikura, was about the same height as Zak and was about two hours older than him. She had long golden hair, which went right down to her waist. She had bright indigo eyes and wore a golden shirt with golden sweatpants.

They raced down the hallway, then, as Mira got in front of him, Zak, who always had a suction cup bow and arrow with him, shot Mira with one. Then, he pulled her back. He leaped over her, and there was a twinkle in his green eyes. He smiled brightly, and tore down the stairs into the kitchen.

Mira arrived shortly after, and scowled at Zak. She picked up her plate and went up to her room. Zak did the same, and picked up the book that told the legend of the Memory Rosary. Then, he found a passage that gave a hint to possible locations.

[i]The shards fell very far apart from each other. It is believed that there is at least two in each district. Many however, suspect that they fell in caves and mountains.
[/i]
[i]It is a known fact that the shards are heavily guarded. Many who have tried looking for them have not come back, but there are three who have, unfortunately, without any proof.
[/i]
[i]They are Renji Abarai, Byakuya Kuchiki, and Toshiro Hitsugaya.[/i][/spoiler]

[spoiler='Chapter 1']Chapter 1: The Lake Shard


"Renji?" Zak mentioned to himself. "Hmm... how come Mirei never told me about it...?" Mirei Abarai, great-grandson of Renji Abarai, was Zak's best friend, and often they went exploring.


They explored places like the Seireitei, caves outside the Rukongai, and many different places (and every now and then did a few pranks on the Gotei 13!) They had each passed Shino Academy and learned the names of their Zanpaku-to. Zak's was called Doku Ryu, Poison Dragon. Mirei's was Hikari Sutoraika, Light Striker.


Zak quickly ran to Mirei's house, which was twp blocks away. He arrived there fifteen minutes later, and knocked on the door. Mirei answered. "Hey, Zak." He said. "What are you doing here?" "Well, i was gonna call ya..." Zak began to say.


"But I lost my phone. But anyway, why didn't you tell me that your great-grandpa searched for the Memory Shards?" "What?" "No way... you mean to tell me you didn't know that?"


"Nope." "Oh, my God..." Zak said. "Well, anyway, come on! Remember?" "Remember what?" Zak sighed. "Today we're gonna go to the lake. I heard that a Memory Shard fell there." "Really? Well, do you have a plan to get it out if it [i]is[/i] there?" "Uhh... no. That's what you're for." It is true. Mirei Abarai was one of the smartest people in the entire Soul Society.


Mirei sighed. "Okay. I'll help." "YAY!!" They left the house, and began walking. Then, all of a sudden, a roar came from behind them. They looked around and saw a Hollow coming toward them. It was very short, and looked like a lion mixed with a rhinoceros. It charged toward them, and Zak drew his Zanpaku-to. He yelled out, "Strike, Doku Ryu!" A purple dragon lunged out of the sword, and bit the hollow. it became immobilized, and Zak struck it with the tip of the blade. It disappeared, and they kept walking and walking through the Rukongai.


[font="Impact"]AN HOUR LATER...

[/font]They had reached Lake Tamashi. They walked over to the pier, and found a boat. They climbed in the boat, and rowed out to the middle of the lake.


When they were about a quarter mile out, Zak saw a yellow light shining at the bottom of the lake. "Mirei," Zak said. His friend let go of his oar. "What?" "I think i see it!"


They dove down, very deep. They swam down to the bottom, and saw it.


It was a shard in the shape of a square. From it emitted a bright yellow light. When he saw this, Zak's eyes lit up. He mouthed to his friend, "We've finally found it!"


Mirei picked it up, and the ground shook. A roar came out, and a hollow, this time in the shape of a sea serpent, lunged toward them. Mirei drew his sword. "Kurasshu, Hikari Sutoraika!" A beam of light emitted from the hollow's chest, and it was gone.

Zak looked at Mirei. "Wow. I didn't know Hikari Sutoraika could do that!" He said. "It can't..." As he said that, a girl appeared where the hollow was. "I did." She said. "What are [i]you[/i] doing here?"


"We're here for the shard." Mirei said. "Hmm..." She looked them over. "I guess you're okay. i'm Xena, by the way. Xena Kai. I guess you guys are Soul Reapers too?" "Uhh... yeah." Zak said. "If we weren't, would we have Zanpaku-tos?"


"Oh, right. Well anyway, why are you looking for these shards? What's so valuable about them?" Zak looked at Xena. "Haven't you heard about the Memory Shards?"


"Oh, that old legend..." Xena said. "Yeah. Only it's not a legend. His great grandfather actually found a shard." Zak said, pointing to Mirei. "I have an idea. Can i join you guys on your adventures?"


Zak and Mirei looked at each other. "Umm... can we have a moment to discuss this?" "Sure." "Zak, should we..." Mirei was cut off. "Moment's up. So what's your answer?" "You can join." Together, they took the shard up to the boat, and rowed away.

[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Shinigami App']Name:
Age:
Bankai Appearance (pics accepted):
Shikai App (Pics accepted):
Zanpaku-to:
Shikai Command:
Appearance:
Attitude:[/spoiler]
[spoiler='Human App']Name:
Age:
Appearance:
Attitude:[/spoiler]
[spoiler='Co-writer App']Fan-Fics Written:
Successful Fan-Fics:[/spoiler]

[spoiler='My Apps'][spoiler='Zak Mikura']Name: Zak Mikura
Age: 15
Zanpaku-To: Doku Ryu
Shikai Command: Strike, Doku Ryu!
Shikai Appearance: a giant purple dragon stretches from the sword and attempts to bite the opponent.
Bankai Appearance: A dragon comes out of the sword (Blade stays in tact) and flies around the opponent, confusing them.
Appearance: Spiky Yellow hair, light green eyes, and regular Soul Reaper costume.
Attitude: Adventurous, friendly, courageous, righteous.[/spoiler][/spoiler]

[Squidward Tentacles]

bump. plz comment.

[Squidward Tentacles]

bump. comment plz.

[.:Blu:.]

The Prologue is pretty short, though being a prologue it doesn't require much length because the story will be elaborated upon within the actual chapters themselves.

Well right off the bat I can see this has a very light-hearted mood to it, contrast to Bleach which is a bit more serious in terms of mood, but this is just my opinion.

Anyways, the Prologue doesn't have much on imformation except for introducing two characters, Zak and Mira who is peacefully just having breakfast.

I'm also a little confused with the setting, is this in the Living World or the Soul Society. If it's in the Living World, it's pretty weird for the main character, Zak, to have information regarding the events of the Soul Society like that, and if it's in the Soul Society, well then there shouldn't be things like "cartoons" and "pancake", well at least not cartoons....

In any case, the Prologue doesn't have much going for it but this might turn out to have some potential. I'll be commenting on this if you continue your story, I also know how it feels to not have comments on a fan-fic.

*Note* The beginning oddly reminds me of the beginning of Naruto: Legend of the Kyubi Shards by Daisuke L. Hirako, well the fact that this story has something to do with shards *hint, hint* also reminds me of Daisuke's fan-fic.

[Squidward Tentacles]

oh. i've never read kyubi shards, so i wouldn't really know.

i actually just thought of the shard part myself.

[Hotaru987]

After reading your post, and the comment from Blu, I'l have to agree with him. There doesn't seem to be much going forit at the moment, however, I do find the idea of what you're going for very interesting. There is also one other thing I agree with, and thats about the book. If he's human then how does he have a book of a legend form the Soul Society. I assume it is because no ordinary human would kno about the Soul Society, and know even less about the three Soul Reapers you named at the end.

I think it has very good potential, because, I have to say, than even now my interest have been peaked by your idea.

And even though I've never written a fanfic on this site, I've written quite a bit on Fanfiction.net. So I know it sucks to not get any feedback on a story you've worked hard on.

[Squidward Tentacles]

thanks, and Zak is in fact, a Soul Reaper. This part takes place in the Soul Society. A lot of it, however, will take place in the human world.

[.:Blu:.]

Well anyways, keep continuing on with the story and I'll be sure to read along

[Squidward Tentacles]

thank you, and chapter 1 added.

[Squidward Tentacles]

bump. plz comment.

[Squidward Tentacles]

bump. plz comment.

[Squidward Tentacles]

bump. plz comment.