Author's Club

[Guest Blud]

Name: tuffguy1992

Avatar: Mine

[Draco Straybyrn]

Creativity - 6/15. Much better, but it was just a duel.

Conventions - 3/15. Once again, it's called spellcheck, revision, and ENGLISH. Then there are the OCG errors...

Fluency - 4/15. This duel is so broken. So very very broken.

Structure - 4/15. I guess the duel structure works, but your cards are broken beyond belief. Which makes the duel even more broken.

 

Overall - 4.25/15. Again, I know you can do better.

[tallman95]

:shock: wow I never got such a harsh review everyone that posted so far loved it. I guess I'll stick to writing fanatasy storys.

[Draco Straybyrn]

Hey, you get what you ask for. And the truth usually hurts.

 

It's somewhat constructive, though. So yeah. My biggest advice would be to pay attention during English class.

[tallman95]

I do but I do right some storys in my spare time they are creative too and I know cause last year my short story was the best in the school.

[Draco Straybyrn]

I do but I do right some storys in my spare time they are creative too and I know cause last year my short story was the best in the school.

 

Write and stories. This is exactly what I'm talking about >_>;;;;

 

I wrote Revolution 2020 in 30 mins from scratch, go read it. Maybe you can get creativity ideas...?

[tallman95]

I would write something else but I don't have enough time.

[kid]

here's my story

 

Champion:Ill be holding my final tornament im getting to old i need someone to bring joy and hapiness to this place

 

body guard:So you want me to send letters to the top duelist master

 

Champion:no i want you to interrupt the finals of the tornament of champions

 

body guard:but master that is a very important tornament are you sure

 

Champion:im sure the winner will wish why we stopped a foney tornament like that

 

body guard:but but...

 

champion: do it now!!!!!!!!

 

body guard:uhhhh uh ok your wish is my command

 

champion:and one other thing

 

body guard:what is it

 

champion:tell them the grand prize

 

body guard: ok

 

 

CHAMPION'S ISLAND

 

episode 1:a new begging

 

announcer:this is our biggest match yet its Roy vs Paul the 2 top duelist of this world

 

Roy: ok are you ready to lose

 

Paul:i wont with this deck i will win

 

Roy:i'd like to see that

 

Paul:yeah sure

 

annoucer:wow the tension between these two is enormous lets begin but just a reimder the winner of this becomes the champion of duel monsters

 

Paul/Roy: DUEL!

 

Roy:ill start this thing off ill draw a card from my deck to summon a luster dragon on to the feild and set a card your turn

 

Paul:ill win for sure with these cards ill draw a card from my deck to summon Goblin attack force to destroy your monster

 

Roy:i knew you'd do that i activate mirror force

 

Paul:that was just luck i set 2 cards and call it a turn

 

Roy:I draw and play ancient rules to summon blue eye's white dragon and i attack with my luster dragon first

 

Paul:ahhhh that didnt hurt that much

 

Roy:now end this blue eye's

 

Paul:i activate magic arm shield now i control luster dragon and its the attaack target plus you lose that damage that was supose to go to me

 

Roy:grrr you got lucky i set a card and end my turn

 

Paul:i activate dust tornado to drestoy your set card then i draw and play lighting vortex discard a card from my hand to drestoy your dragon then i lay another globin attack force and attack your lp

 

Roy:im almost out of life points i have 600 already

 

annoucer:is this the end of roy?

 

Paul:i end my turn

 

roy:600

Paul:2100

 

Roy:i draw and play pot of greed to draw 2 cards from my deck to play masked dragon then i activate heavy storm then my monster attack your goblin in defense then i set a card your turn.

 

Paul:ill end this i draw and play goblin elite attack force then i acitvate skill drain by paying 1000 lp effects are negated ready to lose i attack

 

Roy:i activate my card shrink it cuts your monster attack in halve so my masked dragon destroys your monster

 

PauL:now im going to lose

 

Roy:600

Paul:600

 

Roy:im ending this i draw and play monster reborn to play blue eye's white dragon and then i attack

 

*a bomb explodes*

 

annoucer:whats going on?

 

Roy:whats happining?

 

Mystery man:Hello and i welcome you all to the real champions tornament

 

*looks at camra*

 

mystery man:were only looking for the best not the loseres of all loser

we want someone that can beat the best

 

*looks at roy*

 

mystery man:your not good enuf to be in this but here's an invitation

 

Roy:WHAT !?!?! I WAS ABPUT TO BEAT HIM

 

Paul:yeah that true

 

Mystery man:this contest is a foney and everyone pack your bags and go to the the plane 10 miles from here and prizes if you beat this real champion you get granted any wish you want plus an exrta big prize only to the winner

 

Annoucer:there you go every one good luck to all that enter

 

*mystery man desapears*

 

Roy:ill enter this contest and win

 

Paul:ill enter this too good luck to you

 

Roy:to you too

 

Next episode:new freinds and rivals

[Draco Straybyrn]

Creativity - 3/15. 1st Season of YGO much?

Conventions - 0/15. No. Fail. I'm not even going to list it all.

Fluency - 4/15. Come on...

Structure - 4/15. I guess the duel structure works... but your decks are forbidden, and the duel is too fast.

 

Overall - 2.75/15. Are you kidding me?

[II DEFiiNED II]

:shock: wow I never got such a harsh review everyone that posted so far loved it. I guess I'll stick to writing fanatasy storys.

 

It wasn't harsh, at all! If he was harsh, he would of said " Wow man, you suck, stick to making cards! " He was just being honest.

[tallman95]

Yeah that's just how I say it. I just never got a bad review.

[Guest Blud]

I've never written a fan-fic before, but I'll do my best!

 

[align=center]Episode 1: Part 1 - A Dark Beginning

 

In the middle of a grassland sorrounded by trees, muddy because of a harsh rainfall, a mysterious man in a black cape stood. His cape waved with the wind as his shadow like figure blended in with the dark, cloudy sky moving the direction he faced. Lightning struck vigorously as thunder roared like bombs exploding one after another. Suddenly, a security guard comes up to him but halts from the vicious weather.

 

Guard: You, there! Reveal yourself; for you are standing on private property!

 

The mysterious man turns around.

 

Man: Fool! You dare approach me?

 

Guard: You do not belong here! AWAY WITH YOU!!!!!

 

Man: You do not know my power! I shall stay here, and there is nothing you can do to make me leave!

 

Guard: I SAID GET OUT!!!

 

Guard activates duel disk, but then get's struck by lightning. The guard lied on the ground face-first.

 

Man: So...weak! soon the world will be mine, and there will be no one who can stop me!!!

 

The man walks off laughing maniacally. The moon is uncovered by clouds and appears in the man's view. The scene ends.

 

Part 2 - A Young Hero

 

It is now day, and not a single cloud in the sky. A boy in a red shirt and blue jeans named Jason is walking down the sidewalk, looking around with glee. Suddenly, he sees a group of bullies pushing another kid around. He walks up to them.

 

Jason: Hey! What are ya doin?! Stop pickin' on him! What's he ever done to you?!?

 

Kid: Yeah! I didn't do anything to hurt you!

 

Bully: QUIET, KID!! YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE! YOU WERE HITTING ON MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!!

 

Bully pushes the kid against the brick wall bordering the basketball courts. Jason dives in front of him.

 

Jason: Lighten up, will ya?! He was hittin' on your girlfriend, SO WHAT?! I've hit on a number of girls who have had boyfriends!

 

Bully: Well, how's this sound to ya, TWERP?!?!? This kid was reachin' for her tushie!!!!!

 

Jason looks at the kid with a wierd look. The kid spoke.

 

Kid: Hey, she was shaking her butt so much, It was annoying me! So I was trying to stop her...

 

Bully: BY REACHING FOR HER...!

 

Jason: ENOUGH!!! How 'bout we settle this the hard way, eh?!

 

Bully: What are ya sayin', kid?!

 

Jason: We DUEL! Winner gets the kid!

 

The bully looks over at the kid. The kid panics.

 

Bully: Fine by me! Bring it on, WIMP!!!

 

They both bring out their duel disks and activate them.

 

Both: DUEL!!!!!

 

NEXT: Episode 2: Part 1 - Face-off: Hero vs. Villain

[CrazyKev]

I just wrote a report for my History class about the Middle Ages.

During school Monday I'm going to show it to him.

And this is not an enrty to the contest, I just made it because I wanted to write something about the Middle Ages.

 

[spoiler=Click to read my report]Back in the Middle Ages, life was not good. Peasant's died at early ages, some of them died at ages 5-10. They couldn't even marry without the lord's permission.

 

The lord's life was a little bit better, though some lord's married inside their family. They had to watch over their village/castle. Their lie is better then most people who lived in the Middle Ages.

 

Though life was not great, they still had entertainment. They had jousting, fairs, and musicians! Even with entertainmen, and church, there were still criminals, who stole food from the villages.

 

There was also a plague spreading around Europe! This plaque caused many deaths, over 1/2 of the population of Europe! This disease was caused by flea's and mice. The flea's took blood from a mouse and bit humans, causing the blood in a mouse to go inside a human. This plaque that caused many death had a name too! It was called "The Black Death".

 

Well now you know that life in the Middle ages was neither good, or bad.

 

 

I you do not want to read it don't click the spoiler.

[Draco Straybyrn]

Can't rate for a while, mom got drunk and pissy. Better stories than others, minor but important adjustments needed. Posting from Wii. >_

[Umbra]

Name: Umbra

Avatar: Current avatar.

[Draco Straybyrn]

-Tuffguy's Review-

 

 

Creativity - 9/15. A guy is beating up a kid, and someone intervenes. Bit average, but at least you didn't copy the show. =p Oh, and the beginning part was pretty cool. Nice work.

Conventions - 13/15. Minor stuff, might want to read over it a little bit more.

Fluency - 12/15. Flows pretty nicely, and is easy to follow. Minor errors in understanding people's thoughts and such.

Structure - 12/15. You did a nice job on the structure, but again, it's pretty basic. Good job with details in the beginning, the setting is half the story.

 

Overall (Average) - 11.5/15. Better than others posted before you, but really basic. Work on that.

 

-Crazykev's Review-

 

 

Creativity - N/A. Summarizing Essay.

Conventions - 8/15. Learn about apostrophe placement.

Fluency - 6/15. There's only maybe 2 sentences per paragraph... lacking details.

Structure - 6/15. Paragraphs should be at least 5 sentences each... try more.

 

Overall (Average) - 6.66/15. For an essay to be turned in, I would hope that you're in Middle School. =/

[Kizzi]

Sure, I'll join!

I don't write much, just random rubbish and occasional stories.

[Draco Straybyrn]

Lol, 's fine. Maybe it'll be better than what's been posted so far xD

[tallman95]

This is some story I made. It's not the whole thing cause I wouldn't be able to write the whole thing.

 

Johnny stared into the face of the person that caused everything that was wrong with his life. His brother being kidnapped one of his best friends being murdered. This was the reason. This one person caused all that. The slience was frighting. Till the man finally spoke out.

 

"So your Johnny." The man said,"Call me Z I see you've already met Y and X." They were guarding the only way out." I've been waiting a long time to fight you."

 

"Then why don't you take off your hood so we can talk face to face you little monster!" Johnny didn't know what was coming over him. He was being filled with unmatchable rage. Z chuckled.

 

"Such a tough attitude from such a little boy." Johnny couldn't take it anymore he wasn't just going to stand here and take this.

 

"You said you couldn't wait to fight me so why don't we start already." Johnny gathered his energy to bring forth his spirit weapon. A few seaconds later his Dragon Blades appeared in his hands. The same thing happened for Z. He had Dragon Blades too! That ment they had the same Spirit Creature.

 

"Alright then let us begin" Johnny lunged at Z blades in hand and swung. Z quickly ducked and went for a stab with his blade ,but Johnny was smart and dived to the left then he tossed his sword at Z. Then the blade stopped in mid-air.

 

"W-what happened?" Johnny said. Z chuckled.

 

"Oh Johnny you have a lot to learn." Suddenly the bladed turned around and lunged itself at Johnny. Johnny thought fast and made the blade disapper.

 

"Oh very clever but can you handle this?" Z said as thousands of blades appered arounded him. Johnny's jaw dropped. "Heh-heh, it's over impact of the Dragons!" The swords came right towards Johnny but he just stood there. "Given up have you?" The blades suddenly stopped in mid-air Johnny looked up to see what was happening. Z looked like he was having some sort of seizure.

 

Now's my chance. He thought to himself. Johnny gathered all the energy he had left into his right hand.

 

"SPIRIT SUMMONING!" There was a bright flash of light and a gicantic white dragon appered. Z looked down.

 

"You think your the only on with a Spirit Creature? SPIRIT SUMMONING!" A dragon much like Johnny's appered. Something was wrong with this one it seemed like it's soul was coruptted. "Now this is a fight" Z and Johnny mounted their dragons and charged. It was an epic battle the dragons breathed fire and slamed into each other. Until nither Z nor Johnny could keep their dragon there. The dragons dissapered in a cloud of dust.

 

"You are a worthy advisary" Z said.

 

"As are you. But I think it's about time we wrap this up."

 

"Agreed." Z and Johnny brought forth their blades for the final stand off. They ran at each other swords ready when soething happend. Johnny jumped into the air grabbed Z's hood and ripped it off. He turned around to see the face of his oppenet. To his shock and surprise he was staring into the face of his twin brother Jimmy.

[Draco Straybyrn]

Have you checked the front page lately? You can only post stories written after registration.

[JerryFreelance]

Hey this sounds neat ^_^

 

Count me in :]

[tallman95]

After registration? Registration for what? I already joined.

[Draco Straybyrn]

You wrote it after you joined?

 

Adding bhim.

[tallman95]

Yeah?

[Draco Straybyrn]

-_-;;;

 

I'll rate it. Let me read it.