The Great Milenko Posted December 4, 2010 Report Share Posted December 4, 2010 [i]Before we get started on ths story, a brief history on this world. Yu-Gi-Oh is refered to as Duel Monsters. Duel Monsters is a dying game in ths world, with about four hundered Duelists left in the world. However, this is about to change when a company hosts a tournament, with the reward being a tournament leagle version of[/i] [spoiler=The God Card][img]http://img109.imageshack.us/img109/1541/264765r.jpg[/img][/spoiler] [i]So many people went out to buy as many cards as possible. But our hero, Jason, couldn't afford it. So he was all left out when the rest of the kids were buying millions of cards and entering the tournament. But one day, as he was walking home from school, he was confronted by a mysterious man in a black coat. The man asked Jason if he was going to the tournament. He said no. So the man gave Jason a very special deck. The man said "I'll pay for everything, as long as you promise to record all of your duels, and show me the footage." Jason had no idea why, but he said yes anyway. Then, at the tournament he got lost. He found his way to a small room, where another mysterious man awaited him. This is where the story begins...[/i]The mysterious man stared at Jason for a long time. Then he said "What do you want?" Jason replied "Can you tell me where the first chalange room is?" "Only if you duel me first..." Duel 1 Jason: "I draw a card. I activate Eternal Heat Wave. This allows me to skip my draw phase to make Eternal Flame Counters! Next, I summon Eternal Flame-The Immortal Fire. Now I place 1 Eternal Flame Counter on it with it's own effect! I end my turn!" The Mysterious man silently draws a card. Plays a Spell. All of his field is suddenly surrounded in darkness. Then he summons a monster. Jason remembers his promise and pulls out his camera. But it's too dark. He can't see a thing. Then somthng made of darkness attacks Jason. Jason is knocked out, and faints... That's all for now. This is harder than I thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brinolovania Posted December 5, 2010 Report Share Posted December 5, 2010 ..That is too short. And it's stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted December 5, 2010 Report Share Posted December 5, 2010 I'm going to say this in a friendly manner: I suggest you don't post anymore in Fan Fics. You need to have grammar, spelling, a sense of plot and details to live here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legendhiro Posted December 5, 2010 Report Share Posted December 5, 2010 the premise is okay, but you have no decent content. i started reading thinking that this was some kind of introduction, but then it turned out that it was the first chapter. what? there is no build-up, no suspense, nothing but some narration leading to a snippet of (not)dialogue. you need to think this through before posting or you will never get far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Great Milenko Posted December 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2010 I realize I was being really lazy, but I can do better. I'll repost my story with a PG-16 rating, and then rewrite it so that it looks better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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