When Worlds Collide: The Christmas Spectacular! [PG] Part 1 Up!

[PikMan]

Hello, I'm PikMan. I remember it so you don't have to. And some of you may remember the little overreaction I had to Crab Helmet's review of my Zelda fanfic.

I was hurt.

With that outta the way, I am going to cancel every fanfic of mine. After I finish the When Worlds Collide Christmas Spectacular, that is. Once I finish it, I am DONE! Thank you for your attention. Proceed with the reading.

[spoiler=Part 1: Tis the Season to be a Jerk]Another Christmas was nearing Medialand, and its citizens rejoiced. Faster than you can say "Deck the halls", Media Square was the location of a great Christmas tree, red and green lights decorated the buildings, and the citizens were spreading the Christmas cheer, singing carols and the like. Even Meta Knight got into the act, decorating the Halberd with Christmas lights. Yep, everybody in town was in the Christmas spirit... Except for one.

Dark Jacob hated the whole Christmas season. Don't ask me why, nobody really knows the reason. It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right. It could be his bones leaked marrow all night.

"WRONG AGAIN!" Screamed Dark Jacob towards the fourth wall. "I hate Christmas because of that one Christmas job I had at the mall."


He remembered the moment well. A few years back, he signed up to be a Santa at the mall, even though he was, like, ten. Wow, the legislation here is confusing. Anyways, there was one day in particular that made him hate the job.

"So what would you like, little boy?" He asked Tails.

"I want an official Red Ryder carbine action, 200-shot range model air rifle!" Tails answered quickly.

"No, no, no. You'll shoot your eye out. Next!"

The next in line was Marx. He practically leapt onto Dark Jacob's lap, inhaled deeply, and...

"IWANTAPONYAPOTOFGOLDASNESACDWITHALLOFMICHAELJACKSONSMUSICAWHISTLINGPINWHEELANINTENDOWIIASPACESHIPAN
XBOXANESKIMOAPLAYSTATIONANESKIMOAPUPPYACATADISNEYLANDTICKETANAIRPLANEANDTHECOMPLETEWORKSOFCRAB
HELMETSFOEFICTION."

Dark Jacob glanced down.

"Uh, Marx? Have you been urinating on me this entire time?"

"Well, it is the season of giving!"


"That pretty much destroyed Christmas for me", Dark Jacob said to the 4th wall. "So, I comfort myself by making mischief each year!"

But you do that all the time.

"I know, but I used to not do that on Christmas up until... that."

Oh.

Anyway, on to the story!


It was rather early. Homestar woke up and looked out the window and saw the layer of snow on the driveway. Turning to his girlfriend Marzipan, he smirked, "Looks like I'll be shoveling 2 feet of global warming!"

"Homestar, global warming can cause extremes of both hot and cold," Marzipan replied.

In his usual clueless self, Homestar ignored her. He spent about an hour shoveling. And right when he thought he was done, he noticed a pile of snow flying towards him. Two seconds later, his body temperature dropped roughly 2 degrees due to the snow that had mysteriously piled around him.

"Oh sorry, I didn't see you there", said Dark Jacob in his usual mean smirk. He had picked the house next to Homestar's when he moved in since Homestar was an easy target, owing to his obliviousness.

[i]Oh yeah[/i], he thought. [i]I'm gonna have fun tonight![/i]


And sure enough, this was just the start. After a morning of pranks, Dark Jacob went home to have lunch. Umbreon had taken the liberty of grabbing them both something from the Mario Bros.' Italian restaraunt, which Mario ran when he wasn't busy exterminating Pirahna Plants in pipes.

Just then, he heard a knock at the door. It was Toph, who was one of the few people Dark Jacob was on good terms with, as they both had a bone to pick with Iggy, the resident scientific genius- Dark Jacob because Iggy once foiled his plan for world domination, and Toph for reasons she isn't willing to discuss.

"So Toph, what's the good word?" greeted Dark Jacob.

"Nothing much", replied Toph. "I was just going to ask if you could come to the Christmas party that my parents are having over at the Earth Kingdom-"

"WAIT!" Interrupted Dark Jacob. "Last I heard, you ran away from your parents, said you hated them, and never looked back."

"Well yes, but we made amends sometime after Zuko's coronation. So I DID look back."

"Oh, OK. Well, I have a busy schedule, so no. Now get out before I start pelting you with copies of Sonic 2006 and Bubsy 3D."

"All right all right! Geez." Toph turned around and walked out. A few moments later, there was another knock.

This time, it was Iggy and Lemmy Koopa.

"Hello Dark Jacob! Can we speak to you for a sec?" Said Iggy in his usual lisp.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever", Dark Jacob replied.

Iggy and Lemmy walked in. Slamming the door, Dark Jacob asked, "OK, so what's up?"

"Well you see, me and my brother here have been busy collecting funds for all the hobos so they can have a merry Christmas."

Dark Jacob got the gist of it, and processed it in his mind.

[i]Ok, so if I kick them out, people will be upset, which is my goal. But if I donate, than that darn Chester won't be bugging me for change all the time.[/i]

"Thanks for having us over, then!" Wailed Iggy as he was chucked out of the apartment.

"I told you he wouldn't!" Said Lemmy as he landed next to him.

Dark Jacob closed the door.

"Um, Dark Jacob..." Umbreon said timidly.

"Yes?"

"Well, um, I was wondering if I could go over to my sister Espeon's house tomorrow. Is that all right?"

"Hm... and you expect yout entire weekly salary for this week?"

"Dude, my salary's just 1000 Wii Points."

"True dat, true dat... Oh, all right!"


[i]This is it[/i], Dark Jacob thought as he approached Media Square. [i]This is the meanest thing you'll ever do![/i]

Hiding behind a wall, he reached into hammerspace and pulled out a cardboard box that he got on loan from Solid Snake.

He pulled himself into the box and started creeping along towards the towering tree. You see, every year the citizens of Medialand would partake in a gift exchange, anonymously placing gifts under the tree for others to open on Christmas Day. Dark Jacob's plan would thwart this tradition to his benefit.

As he approached the tree, he realized that everybody there was staring at the odd moving box.

"Um..." said Dark Jacob stupidly, "...Box...Cardboard...Brown?"

Pause.

"Eh, it's just a box", said a voice that Dark Jacob recognized as Sonic's, and everybody turned their attention back to what they were doing before.

They immediately turned their attention back towards the tree when they saw that the tree had caught on fire!

After the fire was put out, the gifts were gone, and many assumed they were burned up.

Seldom did they know that the gifts were actually safe at Dark Jacob's apartment, ready to be opened the next day.[/spoiler]