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Anyone want to review this? I'm looking for some help! (Episode 2 Posted)

gαтє¢яαѕнєя

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gαтє¢яαѕнєя Newbie

gαтє¢яαѕнєя

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[center][size=7]YuGiOh: Road to Glory[/size]

[size=6]Table of Contents[/size]
[/center]
[spoiler=Episode 1 - "General" Electric][size=5]YuGiOh: Road to Glory[/size]
[size=3]Episode 1: “General” Electric[/size]

[i]BEEP!

BEEP!

BEEP![/i]

Within seconds of the alarming screech, Scarlet opened her eyes. Not completely, but enough to get a look around. As quickly as she regained consciousness, a jolt of pain shot through her body, causing her to buckle forward, gasping for air. She could hardly move; it took her only a second to realize her hands were trapped, held down by the metal bars of the chair in which she was sitting. The last thing she could remember was sitting in the arena, joined by thousands of duelists from around the world, her eyes glued to the battlefield as the two Champions battled it out, to end their dispute and crown a new World Champion. But that was days ago. Despite the pain, she was able to move her head slightly, her once smooth, dark brown hair was now dry and tattered, after what must’ve been days of neglect. Shaking her head and breaking the thought process, she was able to make out what looked like a flashing red light. With no other lights in the area, she couldn’t see anything; not even her own body.

The alarming noise wasn’t an illusion; wherever she was, something was going on. There was no one here that much was for sure. But that didn’t mean their hadn’t been someone here before, and common sense told her that whatever the alarm was symbolizing had likely sent them away. She had to get out of here; there would be time to assess things later, but trapped in a remote location with no one around and the continuous warnings of the ever-so-familiar, at this point, alarm was not where she wanted to be. Being only seventeen years of age and lacking muscle, powering her way out wasn’t going to be an option. She tried, multiple times, pulling as hard as she could to try and break the metal guarding, but to no avail. Panic began to overcome her, but she closed her eyes for a moment, blocking everything out, forcing it away. She looked up at the ceiling, her bright blue eyes scanning the room for any possibly exit, but it was impossible to see. [i]Wait[/i]. A quick glance toward the alarm showed what looked to be an opening in the wall, perhaps made by whoever brought her here in their attempt to escape the imminent trouble. Refusing to give up, she thought of her friends, her family, everyone. It brought her hope, but hurt at the same time, the mere act of thinking placing great pain on her already tattered body.

Holding back fear, she continued to look around, feeling helpless. What was she supposed to do? She couldn’t get herself free, and even if she did, would her body be able to move itself enough, function enough to get out of here? Tacking onto that the fact that she had absolutely no idea of where she was and what had happened, and things weren’t looking great. Closing her eyes to focus, she curled her left hand into a fist, and pulled with all her strength. [i]Sh*t![/i] Her fist met the metal, making a huge cut in the knuckle of her middle finger, and she shot it back forward, drops of blood falling to the floor. She fell back in the chair, not bothering to pay attention to the pain. Her friends, they’d always called her the brave one, the one who would stand up to anyone and anything, whether it be a duel, or a fight, or anything. But here she was, trapped, alone, and helpless to save herself. You never think about the possibility of getting into a situation like this; you live a perfect life, only for something to happen on the fly, leaving you with nothing to do but sit, a pathetic, helpless shell of what you’ve been portrayed to be.

[i]BOOM![/i]

Jumping back in fear as the sound echoed throughout the room, Scarlet hit the back of the chair again. Ignoring the pain, she looked around, breathing heavily. The alarm began to sound louder, and she started to put things together. Wherever she was, there were floors above her. She could tell from the noise, as well as the feint echoing of other alarms in the building. That meant a basement of sorts, meaning she was underground, which would make it all the more difficult to escape. Not in any way remembering the preceding events, the most she could make of it was that she had been taken here for one reason or another, and hurt, badly. But she wasn’t bruised; it was a different kind of pain. A shock, of sorts. That would explain her hair, as well as the tattered clothes. So what was it? Before she had a chance to think, she heard the sound a second time! Looking up, the ceiling began to crack, slowly, but faster than anything she’d ever seen in her life, all at the same time. She tried to move, but couldn’t.

“Please! Somebody help me!” Even yelling at the top of her lungs, she couldn’t even hear her own echoes. It was too late. The cracks began to expand even more, and the unforgiving stone made its slow descent toward her. This had to be a dream, right? It couldn’t be real – there was no way. But she knew it wasn’t; she’d taken everything for granted, never really taken the opportunity to appreciate anything in life, and now it was too late. Scarlet closed her eyes, bracing herself for the final pain she’d ever feel, just as the merciless stone shot downwards. [i]This is it![/i]

Just as the stone prepared to make contact, the young, no longer tough, no longer brave seventeen year old girl was ready for the worst. The stone inched closer and closer, until suddenly, a rigorous bolt of lightning shot across the room, splitting it clean in half. It shot through her as well, but there was no pain. The bolt became joined with others just like it, and they surrounded her, and soon she was surrounded, the stones falling the small, yellow beams of lightning keeping her completely safe from harm. She had no idea what was going on, and the shock of near-death made it hard for her to think, but she kept her eyes locked on the ceiling, as the rubble continued to fall, only this time around her, as opposed to covering her in any way. It didn’t make sense – but at this moment, it didn’t have to. She was alive, or so she thought. As the last piece of rubble hit the ground, she breathed a sigh of relief. The alarm continued to sound, but she could no longer hear it; it wasn’t fear she felt now. It was love. Love for everything; love for the chance to live, for the chance to appreciate. Though overwhelmed by feelings, it wasn’t time to celebrate yet. The sky was clear as day, and since the building had collapsed, she could see the sunlight.

The remote area - that had been an accurate guess. There was nothing around but desert and sand, and of course the rubble. As the lightning began to fade, the metal bars on the chair unclipped, and she pulled her arms toward her. She had no idea what had just happened, what day it was, or what was even going on, but she was alive. She knew that much and that was enough.

As the bolts of lightning began to vanish, disappearing into thin air, they formed a small, spherical object. It hovered above the ground, before falling into the rubble, and lightning up a small area. Curious, Scarlet got out of the chair, but no sooner did she stand that she collapsed to her knees, the pain taking its toll on her body. Nonetheless, she crawled forward, moving the small piece of rock out of the way to reveal a deck of cards. As she placed her blood-soaked hand on it, the sphere of light disappeared, and she almost lost her balance.

Clenching the cards tight, she picked them up and slowly placed them into her pocket, any movement at all sending extreme pain throughout her body. As she struggled to stand, she brushed aside a piece of rubble to reveal a sign.

[b]NEO POWER PLANT – GROUND FLOOR[/b]

The sign explained itself; it had been electricity, which is what she thought from the get-go. But electricity that saved her? That part didn’t make any sense. Carefully, she stood, brushing her hair out of her face, and looked toward the opening in the wall. At this point, she didn’t have to use the opening; it’d been sealed. She could climb her way out through the rubble.

But after what she’d just experienced, what was she to do next? And what about the cards? Nothing made sense. But she was alive. A good start, at least.

[i]To be continued...[/i][/spoiler]
[b]Episode 2[/b]: [url=http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/230356-looking-for-some-advicecc-on-this-my-first-fan-fic/page__st__20__p__4823647#entry4823647]Cliffhanger![/url]
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Carlos1234 Newbie

Carlos1234

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[quote name='gαтє¢яαѕнєя' timestamp='1290887175' post='4813903']
Eh...you think so?

I dunno; I liked it, I guess, and I know where I'm going with the story, but I wasn't sure.
[/quote]

literally it good i was like when i started and so far i have 11 fan fics and a guy said that i was a really good author that made me feel great and your a great author you should keep writing
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-:=Brandon=:- Newbie

-:=Brandon=:-

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Wow. That's surprisingly good, but it doesn't matter how long you've been on YCM, it's just how long you have been writing stories and fan fics. So far it is a great fan fic, tense as well! So far it is something I have never seen in a yugioh fan fic. The only thing I would say is, if your going to add more chapters, put them in spoilers =] [code][spoiler=title, eg. chapter 1] text, or a chapter of text in this case[/spoiler][/code]
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gαтє¢яαѕнєя Newbie

gαтє¢яαѕнєя

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[quote name='Carlos1234' timestamp='1290887400' post='4813911']
literally it good i was like when i started and so far i have 11 fan fics and a guy said that i was a really good author that made me feel great and your a great author you should keep writing
[/quote]

Well thanks man, that means a lot. I just had an idea and decided to run with it, to see how well it works out.

[quote name='-:=Brandon=:-' timestamp='1290887449' post='4813917']
Wow. That's surprisingly good, but it doesn't matter how long you've been on YCM, it's just how long you have been writing stories and fan fics. So far it is a great fan fic, tense as well! So far it is something I have never seen in a yugioh fan fic. The only thing I would say is, if your going to add more chapters, put them in spoilers =] [code][spoiler=title, eg. chapter 1] text, or a chapter of text in this case[/spoiler][/code]
[/quote]

Absolutely, yeah. I know how the Spoilers work, and when I do decide to add some characters, I'll either use that method or just take a moment to introduce them in the story. It really depends on how important the character it to the whole plot.

I wasn't sure if the tense was a good idea, but I'm glad to know that it worked. Thanks!
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gαтє¢яαѕнєя Newbie

gαтє¢яαѕнєя

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[quote name='-:=Brandon=:-' timestamp='1290887834' post='4813940']
By tense, I mean it in the way like, you don't know what happens next, you expect danger, and like your heart starts racing. And spoilers just helps for keeping things tidy and saves space, its easier to access. I really liek it so far, I am watching this now as well.
[/quote]

Oh alright, my apology. I wasn't sure if you meant like "First person", "narrative", like the way the story was being told. But it makes sense either way, I suppose.

Of course; I'm a bit of a neat person, so I'm going to try and keep it as neat and organized as possible. I'll start to put the stories in spoilers as well once I post the second episode.
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CrystalCyae Newbie

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[quote name='Carlos1234' timestamp='1290921687' post='4815291']
Hey guys i added a new story to my fan fic please see and tell me what you think

[spoiler=Leo's sick of love]Leo's sick of love]Chapter 17!

A few days later...

As everyone ate breakfast, before school, Akiza couldn't keep her eyes off of Yusei. His eyes shone in the sunlight, his hair stuck out in it's perfect positions, and he looked as handsome as ever.

"So Yusei, do you want to go out Saturday night?" Akiza asked.

"Uh sure," he said, "I know a good place we could can go."

"Can we go," Leo asked.

"Leo, I think it's only a two person date," Luna said.

"But we haven't gotten to go out to eat with them yet," Leo noted.

Akiza and Yusei looked at each other. Yusei leans into Akiza's ear.

"Do you think you can wait?" Yusei asked.

"Oh Yusei. I think I can wait for you," Akiza said with a wink.

They smiled and laughed.

"Okay, Leo, we can go out to eat with you," Yusei said.

"All right," Leo said.

He scarfed down his food and went to get ready.

"I hope we're not being too much trouble," Luna said.

"Don't worry," Martha said, "I'll be sure to give them the money back."

Akiza and Yusei smiled.

"Thanks Martha," they said.

When Saturday rolled around, Leo was trying to find his best shirt.

"Ugh, I need to find a nice shirt to wear. Otherwise, Akiza and Yusei are going to be mad at me!"

"Leo, calm down. Yusei and Akiza have told you a million times that we're not going someplace expensive. You don't need to worry about looking nice."

"Yeah, but I could tell they're faking," Leo said, "They're just trying to be nice."

Luna shook her head.

Yusei and Akiza got dressed and met outside the twin's room.

"Are you sure that Leo was still going to dress nice?" Akiza asked, "Didn't we tell him that it wasn't fancy?"

"Yeah, but I think that he wants to look nice," Yusei said, "To make up for asking if Luna and him could come along."

"Well, it sure is different to see Leo care about someone besides himself," Akiza said.

"It sure is," Yusei said.

They laugh.

"Okay, Leo's finally, ready to go," Luna said.

Leo steps out with a clean black polo and dark blue jeans.

"Wow, Leo," Yusei said, "You sure are taking this seriously."

"Well, for a few reasons," Leo said, "Luna and I haven't ate out in forever and I feel a little guilty for asking."

"Well, let's get going," Akiza said.

They get into the car and Yusei drives them to a family restaurant.

As wait to be seated, the hostess noticed Leo's nice outfit. They start walking to their table.

"Wow, you're looking sharp," she said.

"Thanks," Leo said.

"Is it your Birthday?" she asked.

"No," Leo said.

"Is it a Holiday?"

"No."

"Is it anything special?"

"No."

"Well then why are you dressed nice?"

"Well, I just want to look nice. Is something wrong with that?"

"No," she said, "Here's your table."

They sat down and looked at the menu.

"I'm getting the cheapest thing," Leo said.

"No, Leo," Yusei said, "Order what you want."

They order and then start talking about school.

"So, have those bullies been bothering you?" Yusei asked.

"No, they've avoided us," Luna said.

"Yeah, you sure scared them," Leo said happily.

Akiza put her arm around Yusei.

"Well, that's my Yusei," Akiza said.

She gave him a peck on the cheek.

Everyone looked at Leo for a reaction. He was, tightly, gripping the table, and held his emotions in.

"Leo, you didn't say anything," Yusei noted.

"Yeah...it's fine..." Leo said tensely.

"Sooo," Luna said, "How's school been going?"

"Well, we're taking some tough classes, but it'll hopefully help us in the future," Yusei said.

Akiza leans on him.

"Does you future contain me?" she asked.

Leo starts to breathe heavily.

"Can we move on to the next subject?" he asked.

"What's wrong Leo?" Luna asked, "Can't handle them acting like a couple?"

Leo breathed harder than ever.

"I've never wanted to see food so badly," Leo thought.

He tried to look at the food that came out of the kitchen.

"Is that it," he thought, "No."

"Is that ours? No."

Luna looks over at Akiza. She leans into her ear.

"Maybe you two should kiss to make Leo more annoyed," she said.

Akiza told Yusei and he smiled at her.

"Hey Leo," Luna called.

Leo turns and sees Akiza and Yusei kissing on the lips.

"Ugh, where's our food?" he said.

After a few more minutes, their food finally came.

"Ugh, I'm starving," Leo said.

As they ate, Akiza and Yusei couldn't help themselves. They kept acting as if Leo wasn't there.

"Yusei, you forgot to wipe that little bit of food off your mouth. Here let me do it."

She wipes his mouth.

"Thanks Akiza. Now that my mouth's cleaned, let me repay you."

He kisses her cheek. Akiza laughed.

"Okay, you guys, you can stop," Luna said.

"Sorry," they said.

"It's just that I can't help myself," Akiza said.

"Oh, don't worry about it," Leo lied.

Once they were done eating, they paid, and got in the car. Yusei started to drive them home.

"Ugh, I for one am stuffed," Leo said.

"Me too," Luna said.

"Well, what should we do when we get back," Akiza asked.

"Sleep," Leo said.

"How about we play a board game?" Yusei suggested.

"No way," Luna said.

"We could talk about our feelings," Akiza said.

"Let's play a game," Yusei said.

"Okay, I got a joke," Leo said, "Knock knock."

"Who's there," Akiza asked.

"Shut up," Leo said.

"Shut up who," Yusei asked. Everyone, but Leo was confused.

"Shut up, I'm trying to sleep," Leo answered.

Everyone rolled their eyes and giggled.

When they got home, everyone just ended up plopping themselves in front of the TV.

"Okay, so let's play that game," Yusei said.

Everyone mumbled.

"Okay, then, we're going to talk," Akiza said, "About our feelings."

"Leo, why did you dress so nice," Yusei started.

"Well, I felt bad for asking if Luna and I could come," Leo said, "Plus I thought you guys would be mad."

"We wouldn't be mad," Yusei said.

"Yeah, you guys make things more fun," Akiza said, "Like tonight, it was funny to watch Leo have to hold in Yusei and I acting like a couple."

"Well, I just hope that I don't have to see you guys act like that for a long long time," Leo said.

Akiza and Yusei smile. They leaned towards each other.

"Nooooo," Leo shouts as he runs towards his room.

"I'm going to bed," he shouts.

Akiza, Yusei, and Luna laugh.

"Well, since Leo got scared, I guess I'll go to bed," Luna said.

Luna heads towards her bedroom.

Yusei and Akiza say goodnight.

Akiza gets up and looks outside the window at the sun setting in the sky.

Yusei gets up and puts his arm around her.

"So, you still all right with waiting a little while to see my secret spot," Yusei asked.

"Oh, I can only wait. Only if it's my special someone," Akiza said.

Yusei looks at her.

"And that special someone's you Yusei," Akiza said.

They smile as they wrap their arms around each other.

They lean in and kiss deeply. They go deeper and each take turns feeling the inside of the others mouth.

As they do, the sun slowly sets behind them.[/spoiler]
[/quote]

Spam much.

Anyway, great story gatecrasher! This deserves 1000000000000000000 out of 5. I enjoy the way you described it; Right time, and the right way too!
Normally I'm not all that interested in Yu-Gi-Oh, but this story is so good, I'm watching.
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gαтє¢яαѕнєя Newbie

gαтє¢яαѕнєя

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[quote name='Obsidan' timestamp='1290922723' post='4815322']
Spam much.

Anyway, great story gatecrasher! This deserves 1000000000000000000 out of 5. I enjoy the way you described it; Right time, and the right way too!
Normally I'm not all that interested in Yu-Gi-Oh, but this story is so good, I'm watching.
[/quote]

Awesome! It's great to have some readers! Hopefully the second episode won't disappoint!
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gαтє¢яαѕнєя Newbie

gαтє¢яαѕнєя

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[quote name='-:=Brandon=:-' timestamp='1290941689' post='4815642']
I don't think he was spamming, the storie is in his sig if you look. I vwant haz moar chaptaz!
[/quote]

Right, but at the same time the Rules state that you're not supposed to advertise something of yours in another person's thread, etc. :)

Well, I'm not sure when I'm going to finish the second chapter. I wouldn't rule out finishing it today, since I've been working on it for a couple of days now, but we'll see. I'll do my best!

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Dr. Cakey Newbie

Dr. Cakey

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"My", "first", and "fan-fic". Alone, they are innocent. Well, I wouldn't say "fan-fic" is innocent so much as it's horrifying, but my points stands. If you join "my" with "first", it could be anything. My first...puppy? Good. My first...time watching Code Geass? Very good. My first...kiss? Good. My first...illicit drug use? Maybe a problem. My first...visit to the emergency room? Not too hot either. But joined as one they create a trio more terrifying than...actually, I'm blanking on terrifying evil trios, so I'll just go with Team Rocket.

I entered this topic hoping to put a review of my very own Kingdom Hearts: Reconnect or The duel under my belt. In that venture I was unsuccessful, but I discovered something far greater...

[spoiler='Growing Praise and Adulation Episode 6: The Room'][size="6"]YuGiOh: Road to Glory[/size]
Episode 1: “General” Electric

[i]BEEP!

BEEP!

BEEP![/i]
[b]I made a mistake in “A Yu-Gi-Oh! Holonovel” – the most advanced literature I’d read that used any amount of onomatopoeia was actually Pendragon. I still don’t freaking like it, though.
[/b]
Within seconds of the alarming screech, Scarlet opened her eyes. Not completely, but enough to get a look around. As quickly as she regained consciousness, a jolt of pain shot through her body, causing her to buckle forward, gasping for air. She could hardly move; it took her only a second to realize her hands were trapped, held down by the metal bars of the chair in which she was sitting.
[b]That’s funny, I was expecting her to be waking up in the morning, eating breakfast, and going to Duel Academy. This is refreshing. Work on your paragraphing, though, kid. (You can't see in the review, but these paragraphs are ginormous.[/b]

The last thing she could remember was sitting in the arena, joined by thousands of duelists from around the world, her eyes glued to the battlefield as the two Champions battled it out, to end their dispute and crown a new World Champion.
[b]A bit of excessive capitalization here.[/b]

But that was days ago. Despite the pain, she was able to move her head slightly, her once smooth, dark brown hair was now dry and tattered, after what must’ve been days of neglect.
[b]How, pray tell, has she been able to ascertain that days have passed. Solid introduction of character description, by the way.[/b]

Shaking her head and breaking the thought process, she was able to make out what looked like a flashing red light. With no other lights in the area, she couldn’t see anything; not even her own body.
[b]Usually when it looks like a flashing red light, it’s a flashing red light. It couldn’t be anything other than intermittent red light.[/b]

The alarming noise wasn’t an illusion; wherever she was, something was going on.
[b]An alarm and an alarming noise are not the same, although an alarm can be alarming. Something that is alarming is frightening or terrifying and unexpected. An alarm, in modern parlance, refers to a real annoying sound indicative of s*** hitting the fan.
[/b]
There was no one here that much was for sure.
[b]How could she be sure if she couldn’t see anything because there were no lights other than a (presumably dim or focused) flashing red light?[/b]

But that didn’t mean their hadn’t been someone here before, and common sense told her that whatever the alarm was symbolizing had likely sent them away.
[b]The alarm does not symbolize anything other than danger. The alarm is an effect of some unpleasant cause, like the building being on fire.[/b]

She had to get out of here; there would be time to assess things later, but trapped in a remote location with no one around and the continuous warnings of the ever-so-familiar, at this point, alarm was not where she wanted to be.
[b]Slow down a bit. You’ve squashed two or three sentences together here, which has resulted in some pretty awkward construction.[/b]

Being only seventeen years of age and lacking muscle, powering her way out wasn’t going to be an option. She tried, multiple times, pulling as hard as she could to try and break the metal guarding, but to no avail. Panic began to overcome her, but she closed her eyes for a moment, blocking everything out, forcing it away. She looked up at the ceiling, her bright blue eyes scanning the room for any possibly exit, but it was impossible to see.
Here’s a little nitpick with bigger implications. The trick to easing description is to not pile on too many adjectives at once. In this case, you have ‘bright’ and ‘blue’. Unless you cut ‘bright’, the reader starts admiring her dreamy eyes instead of panicking about being trapped in a dark room with an insistent alarm. Also, an impersonal narrator which we have here generally doesn’t color things with judgments like whether someone’s eyes are ‘bright’ or ‘piercing’ etc.
[b]
The word you’re looking for isn’t ‘possibly’, it’s ‘possible’.[/b]

Wait. A quick glance toward the alarm showed what looked to be an opening in the wall, perhaps made by whoever brought her here in their attempt to escape the imminent trouble.
[b]The other person smashed their way out? Really?[/b]

Refusing to give up, she thought of her friends, her family, everyone. It brought her hope, but hurt at the same time, the mere act of thinking placing great pain on her already tattered body.
[b]And then the camera cut to each of her friends, whose Signer marks began to glow, and then they all appeared on her back and she summoned Savior Dragon and…never mind.
[/b]
Holding back fear, she continued to look around, feeling helpless. What was she supposed to do? She couldn’t get herself free, and even if she did, would her body be able to move itself enough, function enough to get out of here? Tacking onto that the fact that she had absolutely no idea of where she was and what had happened, and things weren’t looking great. Closing her eyes to focus, she curled her left hand into a fist, and pulled with all her strength. Sh*t! Her fist met the metal, making a huge cut in the knuckle of her middle finger, and she shot it back forward, drops of blood falling to the floor. She fell back in the chair, not bothering to pay attention to the pain. Her friends, they’d always called her the brave one, the one who would stand up to anyone and anything, whether it be a duel, or a fight, or anything. But here she was, trapped, alone, and helpless to save herself. You never think about the possibility of getting into a situation like this; you live a perfect life, only for something to happen on the fly, leaving you with nothing to do but sit, a pathetic, helpless shell of what you’ve been portrayed to be.
[b]That’s a little existential, especially when she has no particular reason to believe she’s about to die or be trapped for all eternity. That alarm could just be that dumb fire alarm that goes off whenever somebody burns the popcorn. Right now I think I’d just be in the panic stage.[/b]

[i]BOOM![/i]
[b]omaigoditzasoundeffect[/b]

Jumping back in fear as the sound echoed throughout the room, Scarlet hit the back of the chair again. Ignoring the pain, she looked around, breathing heavily. The alarm began to sound louder, and she started to put things together. Wherever she was, there were floors above her. She could tell from the noise, as well as the feint echoing of other alarms in the building.
A feint is a false attack, meant to draw attention and defense away from the actual follow-up attack. If you’re especially good, you can even double- or triple-feint before going in for the kill.
[b]Needless to say, the alarm was not feinting, it was faint.[/b]

That meant a basement of sorts, meaning she was underground, which would make it all the more difficult to escape.
[b]Her thought process:
1. Life is meaningless etc. etc. etc.
2. omaigodsoundeffect
3. I’m in a basement.[/b]

Not in any way remembering the preceding events, the most she could make of it was that she had been taken here for one reason or another, and hurt, badly. But she wasn’t bruised; it was a different kind of pain. A shock, of sorts. That would explain her hair, as well as the tattered clothes. So what was it? Before she had a chance to think, she heard the sound a second time! Looking up, the ceiling began to crack, slowly, but faster than anything she’d ever seen in her life, all at the same time. She tried to move, but couldn’t.[b]
The very fact that you stated she was trying rather heavily implies she’s also failing. It helps that we already know she’s trapped.[/b]

“Please! Somebody help me!” Even yelling at the top of her lungs, she couldn’t even hear her own echoes. It was too late. The cracks began to expand even more, and the unforgiving stone made its slow descent toward her. This had to be a dream, right? It couldn’t be real – there was no way. But she knew it wasn’t; she’d taken everything for granted, never really taken the opportunity to appreciate anything in life, and now it was too late. Scarlet closed her eyes, bracing herself for the final pain she’d ever feel, just as the merciless stone shot downwards. [i]This is it! [/i]

Just as the stone prepared to make contact, the young, no longer tough, no longer brave seventeen year old girl was ready for the worst. The stone inched closer and closer,
[b]Er…if it’s inching, I probably wouldn’t be too concerned about it killing me.[/b]

until suddenly, a rigorous bolt of lightning
[b]Dictionary.com defines ‘rigorous’ as: severely exact or accurate; precise. In other words, that’s bad word choice.[/b]

shot across the room, splitting it clean in half.[b]
I’m not sure if you’re totally clear on what it would mean to split a room in half, particularly if this is a bolt of electricity. You’d need some kind of sheet of electricity or something.[/b]

It shot through her as well, but there was no pain. The bolt became joined with others just like it, and they surrounded her, and soon she was surrounded, the stones falling the small, yellow beams of lightning keeping her completely safe from harm.
[b]The stones falling the small, yellow beams…? BLARG PROOFREADING BLAAAAAGRGRGRGRGRRRRRRR![/b]

She had no idea what was going on,
[b]That’s funny, because I [i]totally [/i]get it.[/b]

and the shock of near-death made it hard for her to think, but she kept her eyes locked on the ceiling, as the rubble continued to fall, only this time around her, as opposed to covering her in any way. It didn’t make sense – but at this moment, it didn’t have to. She was alive, or so she thought.
I’m reasonably confident this isn’t foreshadowing, so it doesn’t make sense for her to question if she’s actually alive.

As the last piece of rubble hit the ground, she breathed a sigh of relief. The alarm continued to sound, but she could no longer hear it; it wasn’t fear she felt now. It was love. Love for everything; love for the chance to live, for the chance to appreciate. Though overwhelmed by feelings, it wasn’t time to celebrate yet. The sky was clear as day, and since the building had collapsed, she could see the sunlight.
[b]All you need is love…All you need is love…All you need is love, love…love is all you need![/b]

The remote area - that had been an accurate guess. There was nothing around but desert and sand, and of course the rubble. As the lightning began to fade, the metal bars on the chair unclipped, and she pulled her arms toward her.
[b]It’s kind of like those video game doors that unlock once you’ve killed all the enemies, rather than locking in order to trap you. Is there some kind of device in the chair that checks if the building has been utterly reduced to rubble?[/b]

She had no idea what had just happened, what day it was, or what was even going on, but she was alive. She knew that much and that was enough.

As the bolts of lightning began to vanish, disappearing into thin air, they formed a small, spherical object. It hovered above the ground, before falling into the rubble, and lightning up a small area.
[b]LIGHTING. But actually, it wouldn’t really be ‘lighting’ so much as glowing, since this is daytime, and there’s already a conveniently placed sun to do the lighting.[/b]

Curious, Scarlet got out of the chair, but no sooner did she stand that she collapsed to her knees, the pain taking its toll on her body. Nonetheless, she crawled forward, moving the small piece of rock out of the way to reveal a deck of cards.
[b]Better than food, water, and shelter all put together.[/b]

As she placed her blood-soaked hand on it, the sphere of light disappeared, and she almost lost her balance.

Clenching the cards tight, she picked them up and slowly placed them into her pocket, any movement at all sending extreme pain throughout her body. As she struggled to stand, she brushed aside a piece of rubble to reveal a sign.

NEO POWER PLANT – GROUND FLOOR

The sign explained itself; it had been electricity, which is what she thought from the get-go. But electricity that saved her? That part didn’t make any sense.
[b]My guess: She’s actually Batteryman Solar Cell![/b]

Carefully, she stood, brushing her hair out of her face, and looked toward the opening in the wall. At this point, she didn’t have to use the opening; it’d been sealed. She could climb her way out through the rubble.

But after what she’d just experienced, what was she to do next? And what about the cards? Nothing made sense. But she was alive. A good start, at least.

To be continued...
[b]Dun dun DUN! Well, this is awfully short, failing to introduce us to the story proper. But that’s really its only major flaw. I never thought I’d find a fanfic so solidly written. Congratulations.[/b][/spoiler]
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[quote name='Dr. Cakey' timestamp='1291078281' post='4819442']
"My", "first", and "fan-fic". Alone, they are innocent. Well, I wouldn't say "fan-fic" is innocent so much as it's horrifying, but my points stands. If you join "my" with "first", it could be anything. My first...puppy? Good. My first...time watching Code Geass? Very good. My first...kiss? Good. My first...illicit drug use? Maybe a problem. My first...visit to the emergency room? Not too hot either. But joined as one they create a trio more terrifying than...actually, I'm blanking on terrifying evil trios, so I'll just go with Team Rocket.

I entered this topic hoping to put a review of my very own Kingdom Hearts: Reconnect or The duel under my belt. In that venture I was unsuccessful, but I discovered something far greater...

[spoiler='Growing Praise and Adulation Episode 6: The Room'][size="6"]YuGiOh: Road to Glory[/size]
Episode 1: “General” Electric

[i]BEEP!

BEEP!

BEEP![/i]
[b]I made a mistake in “A Yu-Gi-Oh! Holonovel” – the most advanced literature I’d read that used any amount of onomatopoeia was actually Pendragon. I still don’t freaking like it, though.
[/b]
Within seconds of the alarming screech, Scarlet opened her eyes. Not completely, but enough to get a look around. As quickly as she regained consciousness, a jolt of pain shot through her body, causing her to buckle forward, gasping for air. She could hardly move; it took her only a second to realize her hands were trapped, held down by the metal bars of the chair in which she was sitting.
[b]That’s funny, I was expecting her to be waking up in the morning, eating breakfast, and going to Duel Academy. This is refreshing. Work on your paragraphing, though, kid. (You can't see in the review, but these paragraphs are ginormous.[/b]

The last thing she could remember was sitting in the arena, joined by thousands of duelists from around the world, her eyes glued to the battlefield as the two Champions battled it out, to end their dispute and crown a new World Champion.
[b]A bit of excessive capitalization here.[/b]

But that was days ago. Despite the pain, she was able to move her head slightly, her once smooth, dark brown hair was now dry and tattered, after what must’ve been days of neglect.
[b]How, pray tell, has she been able to ascertain that days have passed. Solid introduction of character description, by the way.[/b]

Shaking her head and breaking the thought process, she was able to make out what looked like a flashing red light. With no other lights in the area, she couldn’t see anything; not even her own body.
[b]Usually when it looks like a flashing red light, it’s a flashing red light. It couldn’t be anything other than intermittent red light.[/b]

The alarming noise wasn’t an illusion; wherever she was, something was going on.
[b]An alarm and an alarming noise are not the same, although an alarm can be alarming. Something that is alarming is frightening or terrifying and unexpected. An alarm, in modern parlance, refers to a real annoying sound indicative of s*** hitting the fan.
[/b]
There was no one here that much was for sure.
[b]How could she be sure if she couldn’t see anything because there were no lights other than a (presumably dim or focused) flashing red light?[/b]

But that didn’t mean their hadn’t been someone here before, and common sense told her that whatever the alarm was symbolizing had likely sent them away.
[b]The alarm does not symbolize anything other than danger. The alarm is an effect of some unpleasant cause, like the building being on fire.[/b]

She had to get out of here; there would be time to assess things later, but trapped in a remote location with no one around and the continuous warnings of the ever-so-familiar, at this point, alarm was not where she wanted to be.
[b]Slow down a bit. You’ve squashed two or three sentences together here, which has resulted in some pretty awkward construction.[/b]

Being only seventeen years of age and lacking muscle, powering her way out wasn’t going to be an option. She tried, multiple times, pulling as hard as she could to try and break the metal guarding, but to no avail. Panic began to overcome her, but she closed her eyes for a moment, blocking everything out, forcing it away. She looked up at the ceiling, her bright blue eyes scanning the room for any possibly exit, but it was impossible to see.
Here’s a little nitpick with bigger implications. The trick to easing description is to not pile on too many adjectives at once. In this case, you have ‘bright’ and ‘blue’. Unless you cut ‘bright’, the reader starts admiring her dreamy eyes instead of panicking about being trapped in a dark room with an insistent alarm. Also, an impersonal narrator which we have here generally doesn’t color things with judgments like whether someone’s eyes are ‘bright’ or ‘piercing’ etc.
[b]
The word you’re looking for isn’t ‘possibly’, it’s ‘possible’.[/b]

Wait. A quick glance toward the alarm showed what looked to be an opening in the wall, perhaps made by whoever brought her here in their attempt to escape the imminent trouble.
[b]The other person smashed their way out? Really?[/b]

Refusing to give up, she thought of her friends, her family, everyone. It brought her hope, but hurt at the same time, the mere act of thinking placing great pain on her already tattered body.
[b]And then the camera cut to each of her friends, whose Signer marks began to glow, and then they all appeared on her back and she summoned Savior Dragon and…never mind.
[/b]
Holding back fear, she continued to look around, feeling helpless. What was she supposed to do? She couldn’t get herself free, and even if she did, would her body be able to move itself enough, function enough to get out of here? Tacking onto that the fact that she had absolutely no idea of where she was and what had happened, and things weren’t looking great. Closing her eyes to focus, she curled her left hand into a fist, and pulled with all her strength. Sh*t! Her fist met the metal, making a huge cut in the knuckle of her middle finger, and she shot it back forward, drops of blood falling to the floor. She fell back in the chair, not bothering to pay attention to the pain. Her friends, they’d always called her the brave one, the one who would stand up to anyone and anything, whether it be a duel, or a fight, or anything. But here she was, trapped, alone, and helpless to save herself. You never think about the possibility of getting into a situation like this; you live a perfect life, only for something to happen on the fly, leaving you with nothing to do but sit, a pathetic, helpless shell of what you’ve been portrayed to be.
[b]That’s a little existential, especially when she has no particular reason to believe she’s about to die or be trapped for all eternity. That alarm could just be that dumb fire alarm that goes off whenever somebody burns the popcorn. Right now I think I’d just be in the panic stage.[/b]

[i]BOOM![/i]
[b]omaigoditzasoundeffect[/b]

Jumping back in fear as the sound echoed throughout the room, Scarlet hit the back of the chair again. Ignoring the pain, she looked around, breathing heavily. The alarm began to sound louder, and she started to put things together. Wherever she was, there were floors above her. She could tell from the noise, as well as the feint echoing of other alarms in the building.
A feint is a false attack, meant to draw attention and defense away from the actual follow-up attack. If you’re especially good, you can even double- or triple-feint before going in for the kill.
[b]Needless to say, the alarm was not feinting, it was faint.[/b]

That meant a basement of sorts, meaning she was underground, which would make it all the more difficult to escape.
[b]Her thought process:
1. Life is meaningless etc. etc. etc.
2. omaigodsoundeffect
3. I’m in a basement.[/b]

Not in any way remembering the preceding events, the most she could make of it was that she had been taken here for one reason or another, and hurt, badly. But she wasn’t bruised; it was a different kind of pain. A shock, of sorts. That would explain her hair, as well as the tattered clothes. So what was it? Before she had a chance to think, she heard the sound a second time! Looking up, the ceiling began to crack, slowly, but faster than anything she’d ever seen in her life, all at the same time. She tried to move, but couldn’t.[b]
The very fact that you stated she was trying rather heavily implies she’s also failing. It helps that we already know she’s trapped.[/b]

“Please! Somebody help me!” Even yelling at the top of her lungs, she couldn’t even hear her own echoes. It was too late. The cracks began to expand even more, and the unforgiving stone made its slow descent toward her. This had to be a dream, right? It couldn’t be real – there was no way. But she knew it wasn’t; she’d taken everything for granted, never really taken the opportunity to appreciate anything in life, and now it was too late. Scarlet closed her eyes, bracing herself for the final pain she’d ever feel, just as the merciless stone shot downwards. [i]This is it! [/i]

Just as the stone prepared to make contact, the young, no longer tough, no longer brave seventeen year old girl was ready for the worst. The stone inched closer and closer,
[b]Er…if it’s inching, I probably wouldn’t be too concerned about it killing me.[/b]

until suddenly, a rigorous bolt of lightning
[b]Dictionary.com defines ‘rigorous’ as: severely exact or accurate; precise. In other words, that’s bad word choice.[/b]

shot across the room, splitting it clean in half.[b]
I’m not sure if you’re totally clear on what it would mean to split a room in half, particularly if this is a bolt of electricity. You’d need some kind of sheet of electricity or something.[/b]

It shot through her as well, but there was no pain. The bolt became joined with others just like it, and they surrounded her, and soon she was surrounded, the stones falling the small, yellow beams of lightning keeping her completely safe from harm.
[b]The stones falling the small, yellow beams…? BLARG PROOFREADING BLAAAAAGRGRGRGRGRRRRRRR![/b]

She had no idea what was going on,
[b]That’s funny, because I [i]totally [/i]get it.[/b]

and the shock of near-death made it hard for her to think, but she kept her eyes locked on the ceiling, as the rubble continued to fall, only this time around her, as opposed to covering her in any way. It didn’t make sense – but at this moment, it didn’t have to. She was alive, or so she thought.
I’m reasonably confident this isn’t foreshadowing, so it doesn’t make sense for her to question if she’s actually alive.

As the last piece of rubble hit the ground, she breathed a sigh of relief. The alarm continued to sound, but she could no longer hear it; it wasn’t fear she felt now. It was love. Love for everything; love for the chance to live, for the chance to appreciate. Though overwhelmed by feelings, it wasn’t time to celebrate yet. The sky was clear as day, and since the building had collapsed, she could see the sunlight.
[b]All you need is love…All you need is love…All you need is love, love…love is all you need![/b]

The remote area - that had been an accurate guess. There was nothing around but desert and sand, and of course the rubble. As the lightning began to fade, the metal bars on the chair unclipped, and she pulled her arms toward her.
[b]It’s kind of like those video game doors that unlock once you’ve killed all the enemies, rather than locking in order to trap you. Is there some kind of device in the chair that checks if the building has been utterly reduced to rubble?[/b]

She had no idea what had just happened, what day it was, or what was even going on, but she was alive. She knew that much and that was enough.

As the bolts of lightning began to vanish, disappearing into thin air, they formed a small, spherical object. It hovered above the ground, before falling into the rubble, and lightning up a small area.
[b]LIGHTING. But actually, it wouldn’t really be ‘lighting’ so much as glowing, since this is daytime, and there’s already a conveniently placed sun to do the lighting.[/b]

Curious, Scarlet got out of the chair, but no sooner did she stand that she collapsed to her knees, the pain taking its toll on her body. Nonetheless, she crawled forward, moving the small piece of rock out of the way to reveal a deck of cards.
[b]Better than food, water, and shelter all put together.[/b]

As she placed her blood-soaked hand on it, the sphere of light disappeared, and she almost lost her balance.

Clenching the cards tight, she picked them up and slowly placed them into her pocket, any movement at all sending extreme pain throughout her body. As she struggled to stand, she brushed aside a piece of rubble to reveal a sign.

NEO POWER PLANT – GROUND FLOOR

The sign explained itself; it had been electricity, which is what she thought from the get-go. But electricity that saved her? That part didn’t make any sense.
[b]My guess: She’s actually Batteryman Solar Cell![/b]

Carefully, she stood, brushing her hair out of her face, and looked toward the opening in the wall. At this point, she didn’t have to use the opening; it’d been sealed. She could climb her way out through the rubble.

But after what she’d just experienced, what was she to do next? And what about the cards? Nothing made sense. But she was alive. A good start, at least.

To be continued...
[b]Dun dun DUN! Well, this is awfully short, failing to introduce us to the story proper. But that’s really its only major flaw. I never thought I’d find a fanfic so solidly written. Congratulations.[/b][/spoiler]
[/quote]

After reading through your review, I've realized that I made a couple of grammatical mistakes. Sometimes when I try to be descriptive in writing, I tend to write quickly, and as such I miss things like that. I Spell Check, but I didn't proof read the entire thing.

Just a note, the lightning bolt split the stone in half, not the room; that was poorly explained.

A lot of the issues that I had were with the wording, which I realize hurt the story. I've spent a good amount of time working on the second episode, and it's not even close to finished yet. Hopefully, that one will be better.

I appreciate you taking the time to review it though, man. Thanks!
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[spoiler=Episode 2 - Cliffhanger!]

[size=6]YuGiOh: Road to Glory[/size]
[size=4]Episode 2: Cliffhanger![/size]

Exhaustion. Only this ran through Scarlet's mind as she sat atop the stone, nothing but desert on all sides, the unbearable heat far from the worst part. Still in extreme pain, it had been treacherous to scale the pile, having been multiple feet down. Even though she'd survived through what appeared to be a miracle at this point, for a girl her size to have to power her way through multiple layers of cement was no easy task, and it had definitely taken its toll on her already weakened body. Not to mention, though the first thing on her mind was getting to safety, which it appeared for the time being she'd managed to do, the entire thought process of what had just happened positioned itself in the back of her mind, and left her constantly wondering what kind of situation she'd gotten herself into.

Having finally made it to the top of the rubble, she found herself atop a cliff. A large, rocky cliff, lined with nothing but sand and rock. And it wasn't just here, no. A quick glance from left to right showed the entire surrounding area was comprised of cliffs like this one, all of them with their own twists and turns, an unforgiving mass of sand and heat, ready to consume any who enter, wearing them down bit by bit, until the drive to escape no longer exists, and they accept their cruel fate. But not Scarlet. It wasn't that her brave persona was still alive and well, but the fact that she had survived. She'd stared death right in the eyes, and through no control of her own, flipped it the bird. The one thing she was sure of, was that whoever did this, they didn't expect her to survive. That wasn't "in the books". Instantly, it gave her an advantage, but put her in a weird place at the same time. Someone, or [i]something[/i], saved her. Something wanted her to survive, but why? She wasn't special; she had no powers, no abilities, just your average seventeen year old girl, into fashion, fun, hanging out with friends, and of course duel monsters, but such was the norm in today's world.

She tried to remember back to the Duel Arena; it was a Saturday. The world championships. For months, everyone had been talking about the biggest showdown, between the two world champions, whose names were fuzzy, not quite coming to her. The last thing she remembered was the guy, she thought with black hair, as he summoned forth his Dark Armed Dragon, a one-of-a-kind card he'd received from winning the previous year's World Title. And now, as he was putting his title on the line, he was prepared to win it all a second time, and cash in on this year's prize card. It was all about the glory for those guys. Personally, Scarlet preferred to duel for fun. Just to throw down with friends, have competitive games; she didn't think she could handle the pressure of the whole world watching, hanging just as much on her next move as they were on the last. Not that it wasn't fun to watch; to be one of those people, to be considered a World Champion, would be awesome. It's just [b]the steps to get there that make it seem impossible[/b].

The loud silence of the desert was eerie. Aside from the occasional wind whisking across the vast area, there was nothing. No animals, no people, no nothing. It continued for miles, the nothingness. How was she going to get home? Where was home, anyway? For all she knew, it could've been a year ago that she sat there in that stadium, watching the Duel. Or it could have been yesterday. Everything was so different and destroyed and all she wanted to do was cry, but found herself unable. The pain wasn't even the worst part of it. Though brutal and tough to endure, the worst part was the helplessness; the fact that she had no idea what was going on, or why. It put her in this position where she found herself alone, not just physically alone, but mentally as well. She thought back to the Power Plant. It wasn't even thinking back, really. She'd just escaped hours before. Yet for some reason, it felt like years. The thoughts, the pain, they kept eating away at her, tormenting and clouding her thoughts as she desperately tried to piece the puzzle together.

[i]Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.[/i] She could feel the panic starting to rise again. No matter how hard she tried, her memory was blank. Even attempting to think back farther than the tournament was nearly impossible. The only lead she had was electricity. Based on the shock she'd felt earlier, the experience underground, and the location, it was obvious that electricity had not only saved her, it tried to kill her as well. There had to be someone behind it. Albeit, she had no way to figure out who, you don't just wake up one afternoon handcuffed to a chair in the basement of a deserted Power Plant without someone assisting in the process. Perhaps it was an experiment gone wrong. Perhaps they tried something and it failed, causing the building to fall apart. That would explain the alarm, and that would explain why the rest of the building was empty; the attackers evacuated, assuming she'd be killed in the chaos, and they'd have nothing to worry about. But she'd survived. Regardless of the intention, there was absolutely no way they had planned on her survival, and yet it had happened.

She tried to think back to her childhood, and growing up. As far as she knew, she never had any enemies. Yeah, there were a few kids she didn't quite get along with back in Duel Academy, but she'd graduated from there two years ago, and even then the differences weren't significant enough for one to try and kill her. At least she didn't think so. That was the puzzling part; she didn't have any enemies, any powers, she was no one special at all, and yet someone had targeted her. Why? That was the question, and it seemed there was no answer. What was she to do? At least miles from civilization, she'd probably die out here. She had no food, no water, no nothing. No. She wasn't going to die here. She wouldn't let it happen. Carefully, she pushed against the rock behind her, forcing herself to stand. Extending her right hand, pressing it right into the stone to give her balance, she shook with fear as she looked down, a couple hundred feet from the ground.

"[i]Don't look down. Don't look down. There's nothing down there, anyway.[/i]" Laughing to herself, trying to keep her sanity, Scarlet began to walk forward. Being cautious so as not to plummet to her death, she made her way across the ledge, slowly but surely. As she continued to walk, she stumbled upon a curve in the path, which seemed to extend the cliff. At least she could feel slightly safer walking knowing that she had a bit more room to walk around. Just as she reached the corner, another storm of sand whisked across the stone, blowing right into her eyes. In a moment of panic, she leaned against the rock, pressing herself as far back as possible. With no vision, she could walk off the cliff at any second, and she could kiss her second chance goodbye. She wiped her eyes, brushing her brown, tattered her out from in front of her face. Advancing along the curve, the cliff extended a good five feet, giving her more walking room than she'd previously thought.

Step after step, holding onto the rock wall which could potentially cave at any second, she continued forward. It hurt to know this wasn’t just some dream, and she’d find herself sound asleep in her bed, but she wasn’t going to give up. You don’t survive an explosion for nothing, after all.

“Hold it right there. You ain’t takin’ another step.” Paralyzed from a combination of fear and shock, Scarlet did just that, freezing in place. Was she hearing things? It sounded like there was someone behind her, but she was too scared to move. Her confusion was quickly put to rest by the sound of footsteps, as the man behind her took just two steps forward. Two, simple steps, and her fear was uncontrollable at this point.
“Wh—who’s there?” Unable to think much at all, that was all she could muster. From behind her, the man let loose a bellowing laugh, his deep southern accent adding to the intimidation.
“It don’t matter who I am.” The man paused, laughing again through gritted teeth. “As a matter of fact, in your case, nothin’ really matters at this point.”
Frozen in fear, she dare not move a muscle. The hope that someone else would be here, someone who could tell her exactly what happened and lead her to safety, she now realized it was unrealistic. Maybe he was the one responsible for the Power Plant’s destruction. Maybe he had been after her, and know that he’d found her, still alive, he was going to finish what he’d started. She wanted to cry, but she was too afraid, simply shaking in place.
“I do—I don’t know what you’re—“
“Shut up!” He bellowed, his voice echoing against the rocky walls. “You don’t think I know who you are? I watched,” he paused. “I watched as the Power Plant exploded. I saw it, and ain’t no normal person who can survive an explosion like that. N’ even if ya did, the collapsing of the rocks would’ve killed you for sure.”
“So…so you were the one responsible?” For the first time in her life, Scarlet was afraid to ask the questions. Once brave and talkative, she didn’t even have a ground to stand on any longer – literally.
“Responsible?!” The man chuckled. “Hah, I wish! I’ve been demandin’ they get rid of that buildin’ for years, and every time they told me it was top secret, it needed to be there, I’d just have to live with it. But that backfired, didn’t it?” She couldn’t see him, but Scarlet began to visualize the man in her head. Though unclear, what she picture was scary. Scary, ruthless, and intimidating. And it didn’t help her in the least. “See I don’t know what they were doin’ in there, and to be honest I don’t really care. But I know one thing—you ain’t human!”

Scarlet buckled forward, almost losing her grip on the rock, and suddenly the edge of the cliff seemed a lot closer. Her eyes widened, the man’s words played in her head, worse than broken record. “[i]N—Not human? What does he mean?[/i]”
“I can’t tell if you’re speechless, or if you’ve realized there ain’t no use tryin’ to save yourself. See they call me Sandtrap, and I rule this here desert. This ain’t the first time your kind has come through here.” The arrogance and laughter in his voice were gone, replaced by a serious, merciless tone. “The city folk…they’ve taken your kind here before. There’s always somethin’ goin’ on down there, and I never know what it is, but I’ve got a reputation here, of keepin’ this desert safe from the mystical creatures. You try comin’ to our world, my world, tryin’ to destroy it, and ruin everything we’ve accomplished here. I ain’t got no friends, but that don’t mean I’m goin’ let you run free.”
“You don’t understand – I am human! I have no idea how I got here, or why I’m here in the first place! I live—” Scarlet whirled around, a full 360, to face the man she’d been speaking to. It was worse than she’d imagined. Tall and stocky, he had to be a good six feet, maybe more. His clothes dusty and sandy, a dark shade of brown, looked as if they hadn’t been changed in months. His hair, a dark black and down to his shoulders, was even more tattered than her own, which could be attributed to his living conditions out here. He was intimidating, but she’d known that before she even got a glance.


“I ain’t got time for excuses, kid. Look it’s nothin’ personal, but I watched that place explode, and I watched you climb outta’ the rubble. An explosion that big, with the lightnin’ to boot, no way a human being could’ve survived that. And there’s only one way to deal with your kind! It’s time I take you to the Sandtrap Arena!”
Sandtrap’s arms flew to the side, as the loud, arrogant laugh returned. She braced herself, and nearly lost her balance entirely as the entire piece of land she was standing on was ripped from the cliff side.
“[i]What the?![/i]” Exploding with fear, Scarlet held on for dear life, watching as the piece of land Sandtrap was standing on had a similar fate. At an extremely fast pace, both platforms shot up toward the sky, connected by long bars made entirely of stone. “What’s going on here?!” Her pain was the least of her worries, as the canyon floor continued to move further and further away, until she could hardly see it.
“See, rather than just kill you, I’m a merciful guy. And I love a good challenge.” He grinned, pulling a Duel Monsters deck out of his pocket, and brushing the dust off of it.
“A duel? Here? I don’t even ha—” Perhaps saving her own life, momentarily at least, Scarlet thought to the deck of cards she’d found in the rubble.
“Don’t act surprised, kid. I know you ain’t human; it’s just a form you take on,” he said, taking a breath. “Duel Monsters is what this is all about; come on, where’s your Deck, I know you’ve got one. You all do.”

She knew he was crazy, but it was his playing field. Hundreds of feet in the air, there wasn’t much she could do but agree to a duel, regardless of the immense pain. What’s worse, she had no idea what this deck was or how it worked. Hesitating, she pulled it out of her pocket, pulling it towards her for a look-through.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m not some kind of mystical creature, I’m not some kind of duel spirit. That stuff doesn’t exist, and you’ve got to know that.” There was only so much of a stand she could take, but at least trying to get an understanding of this guy might help a little.
“You’re so un-original. Once you’ve faced one, you’ve faced them all. I ain’t stupid, though I may look it. I’ve been at this for many a year, and I’m sure I’ve faced plenty more tough than yourself. But the one thing that stops you all, is a fall to the death.” He went silent. “Think about this. That platform you’re standin’ on, and mine as well, it’s about twenty feet long. Now you and I, we’re goin’ duel. We both start with 4000 points. But there’s some fun.” A smile lined his face. “Every time your points go down, pieces of the platform will join them. And I don’t think I have to tell you what happens once you reach zero.”
He didn’t. She gulped, trying to control the shaking as she pondered the thought. She didn’t want to look down, she couldn’t look down. The panic would overtake her. Here she was, standing atop a giant rock platform, about to play a game of duel monsters against a crazed desert explorer, with a deck she’d never seen before in her life. She’d survived once, but the odds, this time around, weren’t looking so good.
“How are we supposed to play? I’ve got no duel disk, and from what I can tell, you don’t either.” Trying to talk her way out of this wasn’t an option. This guy wasn’t buying it; he fully believed she was a duel spirit, and although it wasn’t true, the facts didn’t look to be in her favor. Something out of the ordinary had happened to save her life, and Sandtrap had seen it. Well, some of it, anyway. The only way to escape this was to win the duel, but she wasn’t in any condition to duel at all.
“Heh. Don’t worry.” He extended his right arm forward, and on each platform rose a stand, each with a small setup containing five Monster Card Zones and five Spell and Trap Card Zones, in addition to a place for the Field Spell, Deck, Graveyard, and Extra Deck. It was unlike any stand she’d ever seen, but at this point, she just wanted to duel and get it over with. The fear was almost too much to handle. But there was nothing else she could do.
“I feel like you know more than you’re letting on, don’t you?” She stared him right in the face, getting a confused look in return. Seconds later, the confusion turned to smiles.
“I know plenty of things, kid. I’ve lived here all my life, and I’ve seen things even creatures of your kind wouldn’t believe. I tell ya what, since you’ve only got a few minutes until you plummet to the bottom of this here desert, I’ll share a story with ya. Let’s duel.”

With that he placed his deck on the stand, and drew his six cards. Scarlet refused to look down, doing the same. She was scared alright; more scared than she’d ever been in her entire life. But at the same time, the only choice she had was to fight. And if she was going down, she wasn’t going down without one.

[b]To be continued…[/b][/spoiler]
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