TatteredSleeves Posted November 23, 2010 Report Share Posted November 23, 2010 Out of the multiverse and spawned of Subspace energy. A foe of infinite strength appears!! Enough to surpass a God!! Will any of YCM's greatest RPers be able to stop...The Unlimited Nemesis. Chapters will come as i feel inspiration. Note some stuff gets kinda brutal so if your squeamish i'd advise just to skip the fight scenes... Other than that enjoy the writing guys :3 Please offer opinions, reviews and/or suggestions for the next chapter. [spoiler=Chapter 1: Impossible!!] Fading Black was sound asleep in castle R.P.820. Nothing to disturb him and not a care in the world. That was when the alarm sounded. Before everyone in the castle scrambled for their equipment Black calmed them down and said that he would take care of this one alone. And as one of the five most powerful RPers in the world who would doubt him? He put his cloak on and donned his hat and went out as if for a stroll. The carnage was beyond comprehension. Entire buildings were engulfed in fire and dead bodies piled in the streets. People ran for shelter only to have their safe havens explode before their eyes, sending wood and steel shrapnel through their bodies. It was utter hell. Black jumped into action immediately. [i]"My first duty is to rescue these people!!"[/i] He thought to himself as he dashed twords someone about to be crushed under a collapsing vehicle. Then his senses screamed at him [i]"RUN!!"[/i] The blow connected with the back of Black's head, sending him through three buildings, a truck and into a solid steel beam that bent evenly in half at the impact. Black slowly recovered and saw three of the man coming at him. He touched the back of his head to discover that not only had he lost his hat, he was also bleeding profusely from the back of his head. Regardless of this Black formed a Lanza and took a battle stance. "You knocked off my hat...And ruined my favorite coat...I'm going to end you now." Black said as the enemy walked menacingly twords him. Black struck several times faster than the normal eye can see, but the man effortlessly dodged Black's attacks, Black then scored a solid uppercut, sending his foe into the air, following swiftly with a kick to the diaphragm and then slashed at him with the Lanza scoring a good three hits. The man smirked as if nothing had happened. "Pathetic..." Black's eyes widened in horror as the man punched him in the ribs. It burned like fire as Black felt his bones nearly disintegrate at the sheer force of the blow. He howled in agony as the man then stomped on his stomach causing him to hack up large amounts of blood. He pointed up at the man's chin and fired a massive attack "CERO OSCURAS!!" The blast shook the entire area and sent buildings toppling down. But when the smoke and ash cleared the man was standing there. Only his shirt had been blasted off as well as his hat, revealing his heavily spiked, snow white hair and pitch black eyes. He picked Black up by the throat and punched him again, this time in the arm, effectively snapping it in half. Black screamed out and the man savored the sound he made. "Like a symphony to my ears....Cry more please." The man said flatly as he struck Black in the ribs again, but before a word left Black's lips two massive blasts of lightning ripped through the night sky. It was Andx and Tempest Dahlia casting their Indignation and Baden-Lily spells in perfect synchronization. The blast was enough to knock the man away from Black. But just as his two friends came to his side to aid him. The man had already recovered and was advancing twords the trio with only a burn mark on his shoulder. Andx's jaw dropped and Tempest was shaking in fear for the first time in over 200 years. The both of them could only think of one word to describe it. "Impossible." [/spoiler] [spoiler=Chapter 2: The Terror From the Multiverse!] The man advanced upon Andx, Tempest and the wounded Black only to meet a furious attack from Andx's dual sword prowess. He dodged much to Andx's expectation. Just as the man brought his fist to bear against Andx Tempest launched into battle drawing his sword [i]Umbral Light[/i] and firing a burst of pitch-black energy from it. The mysterious man deflected the blast effortlessly, but was occupied for the split-second Andx needed to land a series of solid kicks to the gut. The man was sent back but showed no sign of injury. Tempest then attacked, letting out a earth-rumbling attack "Rosepetal Scatter: Silver Lightning Slash!!" As the sword swung down the man created a solid wall of bright blue light that absorbed the blow. He then sent this wall at Andx and Tempest. The two warriors dodged, but much to Andx's misfortune this is exactly what he wanted. Andx was kicked in the spine and he flew directly into Tempest, who just barley managed to break his fall. "This has been fun...But i must end the three of you now." The man spoke in his usual monotone as he began forming a massive ball of bright blue light in his fingertip. But just as he was about to fire, Rachel and Cherry teleported in. "I do hope you can pardon our lateness Tempest. A subspace fluctuation had thrown off my timespace teleportation matrix." Rachel said explaining her tardiness as Nago & Gii, Her loyal umbrella and flying...devil..marshmallow...creature... quaked in fear of the man before them, and at what he had done to the previously thought to be nigh-invincible Fading Black. "P-princess im scaaared!!" Gii said as he trembled like a leaf "Silence. We shall all be out of here presently. But first...Cherry would you please take care of this...Gentleman?" Rachel asked as Cherry produced a small gun from her pocket. "No problem!" Cherry took aim at the man and fired a blue beam of light, similar to the material he had been using to attack Tempest and Andx. The beam struck and created a portal that almost instantaneously pulled the man apart and sucked him in. Immediately afterward, Rachel teleported the whole crew back to her castle. Once they knew they were safe Cherry took Black up to her room to heal him. In the meantime Tempest had questions for his vampire wife. "Rachel. Who or what in the hell WAS that?!? He effortlessly beat me, Andx AND Black to a bloody pulp!!" Tempest asked in exasperation. "And what was that gun Cherry used to kill him?" Andx added. And Rachel replied as if it were of no consequence. "His name is Zenith and he is a Subspace being comprised of all the elements of the Multiverse. Magic, Chi, Mana, Science, Space, Time, Chaos, Order, Good, Evil, Life and Death all fused into one being. In essentiality he is a being that can surpass a God in power. Even if you were ten times the strength you are now Tempest...You could not defeat this man. He is simply on another plane. And to answer your question Andx he is most certainly not dead. The weapon Cherry used was a Subspace Energy Seperator Gun created by LichKing and Proto. And i assure you now that it has been used on him once. It will not work again." The two of them were absolutely horrified. Not only was this being, this Zenith powerful enough to kill them a thousand times over, he wasn't dead and presumably he would be back. Andx exploded. "SO WHAT THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO? JUST ROLL OVER AND DIE WHEN THIS GUY COMES BACK?!?!" He shouted at her with a mix of desperation and anger in his voice. "The answer is simple Andx." Rachel said standing up to face Tempest and Andx. And something akin to a smile crept across her features. "You, Tempest, Black and the other Roleplayers must become strong enough to defeat him. Otherwise you will indeed roll over and die...He'll have re-formed his essence in exactly three months. You have until then...to surpass a God." The two warriors were already out the door of the Castle. END [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nexev Posted November 24, 2010 Report Share Posted November 24, 2010 E GADS! A MARY SUE!~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Heads to DA BUNKA* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TatteredSleeves Posted November 24, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2010 [quote name='Nexev' timestamp='1290575753' post='4806660'] E GADS! A MARY SUE!~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Heads to DA BUNKA* [/quote] Lol... Guess i DID kinda overdo him. But sh*t when i wanna make a juggernaut i make a damn juggernaut yknow what im sayin? xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nexev Posted November 24, 2010 Report Share Posted November 24, 2010 It's still a sue. Sues are sues, and thus uninteresting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--------------- Posted November 24, 2010 Report Share Posted November 24, 2010 Agrees with Nexev. There's only two solutions! (1)The all powerful Edit Button. And my suggested choice: (2)Character development. If these are ignored, you will die. (off the face of the Fic-Forum) Good Luck. Now for a REAL review. So, except for Chuck Norris over here, the actual story is meh... It's like a bad hooker. It reveals too many things at once. Plus, it's really, REALLY short. Lengthen it next time. The last thing you need is a hooker that does it all in one minute. :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TatteredSleeves Posted November 24, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2010 [quote name='Ātman' timestamp='1290600635' post='4806946'] Agrees with Nexev. There's only two solutions! (1)The all powerful Edit Button. And my suggested choice: (2)Character development. If these are ignored, you will die. (off the face of the Fic-Forum) Good Luck. Now for a REAL review. So, except for Chuck Norris over here, the actual story is meh... It's like a bad hooker. It reveals too many things at once. Plus, it's really, REALLY short. Lengthen it next time. The last thing you need is a hooker that does it all in one minute. :/ [/quote] Gotcha! I was planning on building up the RPers anywho. Make chapters longer. Check Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
--------------- Posted November 25, 2010 Report Share Posted November 25, 2010 Although what you said is just as important, what I meant was to build up your Sue, so he seems less Sue-ish. Give reasoning behind his Sephirocity (cwutididthar?). Also, although you don't have to reveal it immediatey, you'll have to give him a REAL weakness so the RPers can defeat him in a way other than blindly attacking him until he runs out of HP. Get it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nexev Posted November 25, 2010 Report Share Posted November 25, 2010 Lol supergod. Remenber what Atman said about giving character development and s***? This is not it. On and loldouche ex machina. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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