.Leo Posted November 20, 2010 Report Share Posted November 20, 2010 [center][IMG]http://i56.tinypic.com/qp4egl.png[/IMG] [url=http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/195151-leos-yu-gi-oh-ccg/]Club Thread[/url] Welcome to Yu-Gi-Oh! Aspiring Beginnings! This Fan Fiction is made by Leo's Created Card Game and written by either me or Evanm7 and edited by the majority of CCG members. We will try to get you guys a chapter every week, mostly every monday night, so we have the week to write, and the weekend to edit. Character bios might be made, not 100% sure on that atm though. Release Dates: Chapter 1- January 16,2011 Plot- November 19, 2010 [Spoiler=Plot] Evanm7 should make a new one [/Spoiler] [url=http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/229422-yu-gi-oh-aspiring-beginnings/page__view__findpost__p__4938710]Chapter 1[/url][/center] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max West Posted November 20, 2010 Report Share Posted November 20, 2010 Looks interesting, watched. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Leo Posted November 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2010 Thanks =D. I expect chapter 1 to be monday night at the earlist, wednesday night at the latest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mehmani Posted November 20, 2010 Report Share Posted November 20, 2010 Leo, I can edit or do some writing if you want. I don't want this to be terrible. Thankfully, it actually looks okay at the moment. But it's too early to decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Leo Posted November 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2010 [quote name='Älfred-Kün' timestamp='1290265383' post='4797543'] Leo, I can edit or do some writing if you want. I don't want this to be terrible. Thankfully, it actually looks okay at the moment. But it's too early to decide. [/quote] No problem. I will be writing chapter 1 today so editing can be done tomorrow if that is okay with you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mehmani Posted November 22, 2010 Report Share Posted November 22, 2010 When will this be up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brinolovania Posted November 24, 2010 Report Share Posted November 24, 2010 ...Lykak?... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Great Wolf Sif Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 Intresting I'll keep an eye on this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seattleite Posted November 28, 2010 Report Share Posted November 28, 2010 *Watched* ;D How did you come up with Lykak? Even I don't remember this xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Nightshade~ Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 That's not my plot anymore. It was horribly maimed beyond any recognition. The town was supposed to be named "Lykak" as a reference to- forget it. It was supposed to be "lives like any other". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Great Wolf Sif Posted November 30, 2010 Report Share Posted November 30, 2010 ok...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Nightshade~ Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 [spoiler='Chapter 1'] [b]Deciding Draw![/b] Lyion had an easy grin on his face as he laid out his orange-sleeved deck in the center of the table. His opponent, an amiable fellow named Damien, did the same. Both Lyion and Damien, nearly at the same time, took the top part of their respective opponent's decks and separated it from the bottom half, then laid the bottom half over the top half. Underneath that seemingly cocky attitude Lyion's thoughts ran dark. If he lose this match- three duels in quick succession,- he would be eliminated from the tournament and have no chance of making it to the Texan Regionals. “Good luck,” Damien said, picking out a die from a small jar he held in his hand. “You’ll need it! Game on!” Damien tossed out his die. It rolled past 3, then 4, then 2, and finally rested on 4. Lyion took up the die and cast it, fidgeting nervously as it rolled on the red tablecloth and revealed a… 3. Biting his lip, the young duelist asked “Who first?” Damien answered the question by drawing 6 cards, indicating that he was taking the first turn. “Alright! We’ll start this turn with a common play. I activate the effect of Mezzo Galen! [b][1800/1100/LIGHT/Fairy/Level 4.][/b] I discard him to add 1 Mezzo from my Deck to my hand.” An explosion of light lit the room. A gallant knight appeared in the center of the hologram-projecting table, bringing down his sword to cleave the head of an invisible enemy. As the sword came back up, the knight disappeared to be replaced by a silent rouge, holding two knives in his hand as he cut and twirled. Slowly, the hologram faded. “That, as you may realize, is the Mezzo Chiptune. And I’ll activate his effect; sacrificing the power of the top card of my deck to Special Summon him! Appear, Mezzo Chiptune!” Once more, the shadowy rouge appeared, though now he was sharper and more in focus. Bringing out two daggers, the fighter went into a defensive stance. [b][1400/100/LIGHT/Fairy/Level 3][/b]. Lyion sat, mute, watching the predictable opening move of the Mezzo deck, which was incredibly fast and run by most people. “I activate Chiptune’s effect, paying 1000 Life Points to add the Mezzo Rouge to my hand.” Red light drained from Damien and entered Chiptune, then exited in a violent flash of red lightning. The red aura shaped into a wiry form, a dark, slim figure clutching a staff. [b][1100/400/LIGHT/Fairy/Level 2/Tuner][/b]. “You know what happens next! I Normal Summon Mezzo Rouge, and activate his effect! Special Summon! Mezzo Galen!” The same human appeared in the air, lifting his staff and calling back the valiant knight who had fallen. “Synchro Summon! Through the hopes of many and the power of the stars, a new form is created to fight against oppression! Appear, Mezzo Beat!” A shimmering light lit the room. The knight ran towards the Rouge, and as soon as they touched, everything went dark in the room. Then, in the very center of the Duel Table, a miniature star began to grow. Then, it formed into a giant horse on top of which was a knight, holding a lance aloft in the air. [b][2400/1300/LIGHT/Fairy/Level 6/Synchro][/b] “I’ll set a card and end my turn,” Damien said, grinning. Lyion slipped the top card of his deck from its holder and into his hand. “Let’s start this duel! I Normal Summon Owl the Wise! His effect activates, adding Ancient Ritual from my deck to my hand.” A sharp cry lit the air as a snow-white owl flew onto the field, staring straight into the horse’s eyes.[b] [1500/1400/WIND/Winged-Beast/Level 4][/b] A blue aura formed around it, shaping into the distinct form of a card. The hologram shrunk into a regular card, and Lyion brought his hand across to grab it. “I activate Fallen Soldier. I return one card from my hand to my Deck, then send 1 monster from my Deck to my Graveyard. I choose to send Phoenixian Cluster Morrian!” Lyion’s face was in a distinct grin, knowing that he could bring out an amazing boss monster. “You’ll now see the true power of my Deck. Activate; Ancient Ritual! I Remove from Play the Cluster in my Graveyard to Ritual Summon Dark Eyes Crimson Phoenix!” A giant pillar descended from the ceiling of the Duel Arena. A brief, flickering image of a plant-warrior appeared in front of the pillar. Then, a pillar of blue energy shot from the ground, enveloping the image and the pillar. The shadowy image of a great beast began to appear… Damien looked on with a dumbfounded look. He had expected to face another Mezzo deck, or at least a Valiant Turbo deck. This strange deck-type was new to the talented duelist. The mist cleared. The blazing outline of the great dragon-bird was highlighted against the wall, and seemed to be absorbing power. “Activate effect of Crimson Phoenix! It deals 200 damage to each of us for each card on the field and in our hands. [b]Beat, Chiptune, 4 cards in hand, 5 cards in hand, Phoenix, Owl the Wise. 2600 Damage. Lyion: 5400 (Phoenix) Damien: 4400 (Chiptune and Phoenix) [/b] A bright blast of energy lit the room, covering both Duelists. “Battle Phase! Phoenix, Doom Demise! Destroy Mezzo Beat!” The molten bird swooped down, unleashing a torrent of energy on the knight. The aftershock of the blast hit Damien, minorly injuring him. “Follow it up, Owl! Destroy Mezzo Chiptune!” The owl beat its wings, lifting itself into the air, then swooped down, claws out. The rouge managed to get its knives up, but was destroyed by the faster owl. One of Chiptune’s daggers flew towards Damien, causing more red energy to leak from him. Damien shakily drew his next card. Glancing at hit, he suddenly grinned. "Don't count me out yet! This draw will let me win the duel!" [/spoiler] derrrr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Great Wolf Sif Posted January 16, 2011 Report Share Posted January 16, 2011 A commen play for both and it works waits for more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bringerofcake Posted January 17, 2011 Report Share Posted January 17, 2011 "This [b]new [/b]deck-type was [b]new [/b]to the talented duelist." One of those needs to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Nightshade~ Posted January 17, 2011 Report Share Posted January 17, 2011 "new" replaced with "strange". Thanks, cake. +rep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brinolovania Posted January 17, 2011 Report Share Posted January 17, 2011 I have the urge to review that chapter in detail...seems kinda short? Pretty good, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mehmani Posted January 17, 2011 Report Share Posted January 17, 2011 Mezzos are broken? Well, a pretty easy draw from a Ritual deck will do exactly what Lyion did to Damien. Rituals are worse than Mezzos, it seems. Nice chapter. A little short, but it's solid enough stuff. Good work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Cakey Posted January 18, 2011 Report Share Posted January 18, 2011 Well, good first chapter, though I agree it is short. By the way, I'm kind of iffy about Fallen Soldier. Obviously you're trying to make another Foolish Burial, but making Foolish a -2 is hugely detrimental. I'd recommend a 5-800 LP cost instead. (Copy+Paste to whatever thread those cards are in) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Nightshade~ Posted January 18, 2011 Report Share Posted January 18, 2011 If it helps at all, Cakey, Fallen Soldier is a quickplay, so you can chain it to a destruction effect for a -1 like Foolish. As stated in the OP, these are from Leo's CCG. Visit and enjoy! Ritual decks are pretty terrible, Alfred. Mezzos are pretty amazing, given that every turn they can churn out synchros. The chapter is short because I wanted to test the water, as it were, before really going in depth. Next one will be longer, I pwomise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Leo Posted January 21, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2011 Added link to first post. It is a little short, but very solid chapter :3. Hopefully I can write Chapter 2 if I have the time ;D. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Gamesmaster Posted January 21, 2011 Report Share Posted January 21, 2011 IT'S SO SHORT But I play Touhou; I'm not allowed to say short is bad. Not that I would. RUBRIC YAAAAAAAAY Conventions: [b]B[/b] There's an overall feeling that something's wrong as I read, but actual mistakes are rare, and they're at least passable for a fanfic. Also, I lol at Mezzo Makeup. Characters: [b]D[/b] I see zero distinct personalities and one plot vessel spread out over two characters. Plot: [b]D[/b] Generic tournament. Boooooooooooooooring. Effort: [b]B[/b] You actually went back and fixed something. I can't say you're not trying. Readability: [b]C[/b] The spacing is poor and the dialogue blocks aren't easy on the eyes. Score: [b]50% -- C[/b] Second-highest ranking I've given a fanfic on YCM -- though I probably wouldn't bother reviewing this on FF.net. The main problems are, of course, in the characters and plot, which are so generic that they impact the readability. It would have been a chore to get through the first chapter had it covered more than a single turn. Spacing out the text blocks and making "who's speaking when" clearer would be highly beneficial, though again, the primary problems are with plot and character development. While tournament stories can work, they have to be character-driven, and the characterization, as it happens, is also awful here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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