Growing Praise and Adulation (on Episode 24!)

[Bringerofcake]

Spoiler ain't working, bro.

[Dr. Cakey]

[quote name='Bringerofcake' timestamp='1312446723' post='5412673']
Spoiler ain't working, bro.
[/quote]
Fixed. With nukes.

[Dr. Cakey]

[spoiler='Growing Praise and Adulation: Episode 21: Dattebayo!!']
[b]This is Pride of the Shinobi by BLUR.[/b]

Finally got myself to write a Naruto fic. Hope you guys enjoy it!
[b]I hope so, too.[/b]

Prologue
[b]bla bla chapter prologue lololol[/b]

“Run Kea!"

"Mother!"

"I said run!"

So Kea ran, tears streaming down her face. She already lost her father to them, now she was going to lose her
mother as well.
[b]random linebreak is random[/b]

How could they betray their own like this? And to make it worse, they manipulated the Cloud to help them.
[b]I mean, if ‘they’ had killed her parents by themselves, that would be understandable. But getting Cloud ninja to help them? Some lines cannot be crossed.[/b]

The Yami Elite Five. The five greatest shinobi of the Yami clan, slaughtering their own with the help of the village.
[b]They probably should have thought of that before calling their clan ‘Yami’. If a clan can be like the Uchiha just by being named after paper fans (or so the Naruto Wiki tells me), what do you expect a clan named after darkness to do?[/b]

But she knew the true mastermind behind all of this. "Jino, this is your doing isn't it. Afterall, you are the leader of the Yami Elite! But why!" Still deep in her thought, Kea didn't notice the large Cloud shinobi in front of her. She slammed straight into him.
[b]1. Paragraph break for dialogue.[/b]
[b]2. Question ends with a ‘?’…or so I am told.[/b]
[b]3. That’s not an entirely sound logical leap.[/b]
[b]4. Questions end with a ‘?’…or so I have read.[/b]
[b]5. D’oh![/b]

"Huh? Haha I just found myself a Yami scum!" The man grabbed Kea by her collar and lifted her.

"So Yami, you feeling lucky?"
[b]“Seeing as I appear to be the protagonist and you’re a stereotypically jerk-ass ones-shot mook, actually yes, I can rest assured that in a few paragraphs you will probably be dead."[/b]

"Let me go!" Kea screamed kicking the man hard in the stomach. The man didn't loosen his hold however.

"You brat! You asked for it!" The man prepared to punch Kea.
[b]Not killing, not capturing, just Ninja Mook Punch no Jutsu?[/b]

"Dark Release: Dark Needles!"

Before he had a chance to turn, the man was impaled with a large amount of black toothpick-shaped needles.
Immediately his grip on Kea loosened and he fell to the ground, dead. Kea turned to see a ripped dark-haired shinobi, who was covered with blood. His shirt was so tattered it was almost nothing.

"Senshi! Are you alright!" Kea yelled

"Don't worry, this isn't my blood." He said. It was obvious he had killed many shinobi in this battle.
[b]Yes…that was the conclusion I drew as well. Well, no, since Naruto is a shounen anime, I assumed about half of it actually was his blood, but he was lying because he is epic shounen hero.[/b]

"Come on, Kea. We don't have time. We have to leave Kumo."

"But what about the rest of our clan. All of our friends and family could still be alive and in need of help!"

Senshi shook his head. "It's no use thinking about that. They are all risking their lives so our clan can survive. We can't let their sacrifice be in vain! We're very close to the gates, it would be stupid to waste time just thinking about."

Kea knew he was right, but she couldn't make herself follow him. So Senshi grabbed her and ran to the gates. Just as the two finally reached the gates, a figure jumped right in front of them.
[b]Prediction: Recurring villain. Likelihood of being one of the Yami Elite Five: 85%. Likelihood of being Jino: 50%.[/b]

"And where do you two think your going?" said the figure. He came closer revealing his short red hair and his face. He had a long scar going down his right eye.

"Jino..." Senshi and Kea said together.
[b]In anime terms: Reaction shot! Reaction shot![/b]

"Sister! And Senshi too! What a surprise! Did you honestly believe you could escape? I have unlocked the Yami's ultimate technique! I plan on using this power to kill every last one of the Yami." Jino said, laughing as he did
[b]Why?[/b]

"Jino why! Why would you want to do that!"
[b]Thank you. Although I’m not sure who’s speaking until the next line.[/b]

"Isn't it simple sister? So no one in the world can challenge me! We all know this technique will make me near invincible,
[b]Keep telling yourself that.[/b]

and only a Yami can learn this technique. Therefo-

"Bastard!" Senshi screamed. He aimed his fist at Jino. He performed hand signs with his other hand before screaming,

"Dark Release: Dark Needles!"

Hundreds of razor sharp black needles were shot at Jino. However Jino had already disappeared and the needles just hit the gates behind were he was standing. Although he was nowhere to be found, Jino spoke.

"Since your my little sister, I'll give you and your boyfriend some years to grow stronger before I come and kill
you. Escape now, and prepare for the future! Hahahahaha!"
[b]“ ‘Generic villain’ is quite literally my middle name!”[/b]

Both Senshi and Kea looked for the source of the voice but couldn't find Jino anywhere.
[b]He has the power to conceal himself! Only the greatest of ninja have the power of stealth![/b]

"You heard him, lets go!" Senshi said motioning Kea to follow him. She nodded, and together they left and headed towards an unexpected future.

[b]…[/b]

[b]…[/b]

[b][media='']http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ussCHoQttyQ&list=PL2C7A853151A4FF96&index=3[/media][/b]

[b]Seriously, I have no idea what to think. As fan fiction goes the description, spelling, formatting etc. was all solid (although it seems Jino is the only person in this story skilled enough in the ninja arts to use question marks). The dialogue was bad, and Jino is generic even by the standards of a generic villain.[/b]

[b]This is of course the worst place for a story to be. If it’s bad, people will at least read it to mock it. And if it’s good, then it’s good. But at the middle ground it tends to be completely uninteresting. Being average for one chapter is okay, but unless this took a serious quality jump within a few chapters I would fall asleep.[/b]
[/spoiler]

[Dr. Cakey]

[b]Growing Praise and Adulation: Episode 22: Dude, Meta[/b]

[b]This is Sage’s Negative ~ One Way Accelerator, specifically a review of WIERDEST FAN FIC EVER by frankjoseph, by Sage of Dreams. Confused yet?[/b]

[size=5]With the diminishing amount of quality fanfics on the forums in mind, I bring you yet another review series.[/size]
[b]Yes, Sage of Dreams actually uses this size font.[/b]

[b]Christ, the last thing we need is a three star member criticizing something they couldn't even do better themselves, and don't have any idea what they're talking about -[/b]

[size=5]If you don't like 3-star members criticizing something they probably couldn't do better themselves, nor probably have any idea what they're talking about, then you are in the wrong topic.[/size]
[b]u c wat i did thar?[/b]

[size=5]For the first review, we're going to take a look at [url="http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/255920-wierdest-fan-fic-ever/"]WIERDEST FAN FIC EVER[/url] by [url="http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/user/382774-frankjoeseph/"]frankjoeseph[/url].[/size]
[size=5]...Could we get another fanfic please?[/size]

[b]<This is where a quote/link to another fanfic would be, except Invision Power now rejects the existence of quote-blocks. If you're curious you can go click the link yourself. God.>[/b]

[size=5]No, no, no, no... It's fine.[/size]
[size=5]This story has no title what so ever.[/size]
[b]I thought it was called [i]WIERDEST FANFIC EVER[/i].[/b]

[size=5]So the super exciting first chapter is called...[/size]
[b]c[size=5]hapter one(this is about how the whole thing started, really boring actually)[/size][/b]
[size=5]...We're in for a treat.[/size]
[b]Hey, this could actually be some kind of meta story that deconstructs the stereotypes of bad fan fictio -[/b]

[size=5][b]The crimson dragon sleeping for centuries felt a disturbance in the world, the barrier between this world and the next had been broken, and someone had sent something, something that did not belong, and it was heading towards Earth.[/b][/size]
[b]...[/b]

[b]F***.[/b]

[size=5]Yes, this vague doom plot device of vagueness sent by an unknown person really starts sending chills down my spine.[/size]
[size=5][b]If it reached the Earth then terrible things would happen.[/b][/size]
[size=5]More vagueness.[/size]
[size=5][b]Worlds would collapse and people would die, it could not let that happen.[/b][/size]
[b]Actually, that's relatively specific.[/b]

[size=5]As opposed to the other dragon that guards the Earth and feels that worlds collapsing and people dying is none of its business.[/size]
[b]Indeed. You have learned well from the Foe Fiction master and those other guys who wish they were the Foe Fiction master, who use constructions like these to point out how unnecessary it is to point out that a guardian spirit wants to protect people.[/b]

[size=5][b]For if it did the evils of the world would be resurected and chaos would envelop the world. The crimson dragon flew after it, but he could not catch it, it would land on earth. He would have to use the signers.[/b][/size]
[size=5]The writing here is terrible. MY EYES.[/size]
[b]Yes. Yes it is terrible. I'm envisioning the Crimson Dragon flying after a meteor or something, trying to grab it, then missing and crashing into a mountain.[/b]

[size=5][b]Chapter two this is where the plot starts to advance a little[/b][/size]
[size=5]Wait, what? That was chapter 1? That wasn't even a paragraph![/size]
[b]Well, I dunno, that's probably a [i]paragraph[/i]. Maybe even [i]two[/i].[/b]

[size=5][b]The marks of the six signers were glowing as the meteor fell, it had been three years since Yusei had beaten Z-one and now everything was perfect, for the time being. But now the meteor was falling and their marks were glowing, and those two things together only meant trouble.[/b][/size]
[size=5]Don't refer to two polar opposites in the same tense. It's confusing. Also, how the hell do they know that the meteor is falling?[/size]
[b]At least as pertinent: where did their marks come from? After the credits of episode 154, the Crimson Dragon absorbed all of their marks.[/b]

[size=5][b]chapter three, this is three months later[/b][/size]
[size=5]No. That was a plot summary. Those two "chapters" were plot summaries. They weren't descriptive, nor at an appropriate length for a chapter. Have you ever read a book or a short story?[/size]
[b]I think call that a "plot summary" is a bit generous.[/b]

[size=5]Also, what is the point of referring to something as three months later when time hasn't really mattered for the most part?[/size]
[size=5][b]The meteorite had fallen,[/b][/size]
[size=5]You just referred to this in your second chapter.[/size]
[b]Also it apparently took three months for the meteor to fall.[/b]

[size=5][b]and inside of it was duel monsters cards,[/b][/size]
[size=5]This really needs some sort of basic, basic explanation. I mean, really, can you say anything else than that they were "inside it"?[/size]
[size=5][b]many many cards, they were sold, and they were all bought by a unknown buyer, nothing had been heard of it since,[/b][/size]
[size=5]Jesus... Does this look like a quality short story to you? Did you ever want anyone to actually enjoy this fanfic?[/size]
[b]I believe in the official Small Meteor Aftermath Plan, the second step involves the government taking the meteor (the first step is one of the locals discovering the crater). Even if we're not going by the books, how do you propose the cards were auctioned off?[/b]

[size=5][b]but the landing, as it had become known as had raised the question, is there something else out there? And can it duel?[/b][/size]
[size=5]Obviously it can duel, we're in a universe with it's very basis built upon the card game. Okay, these questions are mildly put, stupid. And nonsensical. What are they doing there? And what's with all the perspective changing?[/size]
[b]It's all due to terrible.[/b]

[size=5][b]chapter four, just a few more chapters before the duels begin[/b][/size]
[size=5]Right, and the chapters are as short as ever.[/size]
[b]The conversion rate from these chapters to Internet chapters is about 10:1, and the ratio of Internet chapters to book chapters is 2-3:1. Yes, I just made all these numbers up.[/b]

[size=5][b]The cards had been stolen, the person who had stolen them was unknown. but the buyer turned out to be Haldor, the leader of Team Ragnarok, he claimed that he never used the cards, but that they were unlike anything he had ever seen.[/b][/size]
[size=5]Random inclusion of a character that's probably never going to be important again.[/size]
[b]The cards were bought. No one knew who bought them. [s]Haldor[/s] Harald bought them. The person who stole them was unknown. The person who stole them was...[/b]

[size=5][b]now it is time for chapter five, which gets it all spinning[/b][/size]
[size=5][b]Today Team 5ds was going to have a reunion.[/b][/size]
[size=5]That was... a lousy excuse for the plot. I mean, you'd think that these apparently dangerous cards would have them... I don't know, do something before 3 months after it happened if they were going to do something anyways?[/size]
[size=5][b]Akiza walked to the old ener-D reactor to meat Yusei, Jack, Crow, Luna,and Leo.[/b][/size]
[size=5]Oh yes, she's so happy to see them again that she's going to kill them with an axe.[/size]
[b]Sorry, Aki[s]za[/s]'s Tentacle Raping days are over. But why would they be meeting at the old [s]Ener-D[/s] Momentum Reactor? That's like having a Jewish family reunion at Auschwitz. Only with cards.[/b]

[size=5][b]When she arrived she saw that eveyone but Jack was there, and Leo and Luna were having a duel. "I synchro summon life stream dragon and attack your ancient fairy dragon, GO life stream dragon, win the duel" said Leo Then exclaimed "Yes! I knew you would do that so I set this" Luna activated the sword and shield spell card and switched ancient fairy dragon's attack and defense points. Leo's life stream dragon attacked it reducing his life points to zero. Luna won the duel.[/b][/size]
[size=5]Okay, some stats would have been nice here at least.[/size]
[b]This reminds of a quote by someone on Duel Monsters Genesis:[/b]
[quote]it cool game. i summon stardust dragon from extra deck to negate dark hole because no friends in real life[/quote]

[size=5][b]By then Jack had arrived, now Yusei started talking " last night the crimson dragon sent me a message, the person that stole those cards from Haldor intends to use them to harvest the duel energy of this world to open a portal from this world to an alternate dimension.[/b][/size]
[size=5]THIS YUGIOH 5D FANFIC BRINGS YOU THE EXTREMELY ORIGINAL PLOT POINT OF OPENING A PORTAL TO [s]ANOTHER[/s] AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION.[/size]
[b]Why does this person want to do this? Well, you see -[/b]
[b]Magic. Got it.[/b]

[size=5][b]But once that happens this world will die, and their effeorts to save the world from Z-one will have been in vain."[/b][/size]
[size=5]I'm sorry, have I missed out on something in Yugioh 5d's? I was pretty sure Yusei did save the world. Or was this another Z-One that someone else saved the world from? Or is this fanfic just horribly written?[/size]
[b]Hey, Sage, I hate to burst your bubble, but there's nothing I'd like more than to burst your bubble.[/b]

[b]CAN YOU READ!?!?[/b]

[b]It's clearly written (well, relatively clearly) that if this happens, their efforts to stop Z-one would have been pointless.[/b]

[size=5][b]"But what can we do to stop it?" asked Akiza[/b][/size]
[size=5]I'm not sure, but I'm afraid it's going to be lots of card games.[/size]
[size=5][b]"I'll tell you what we can do, we can get those cards back" Yelled Jack[/b][/size]
[size=5]He Yelled. He Yelled. He Yelled. HOW THE ... God. This shouldn't autocorrect through Spellchecker, so how did you manage to screw that up?[/size]
[b]Gonna point out that Jack's "plan" is exactly what they're going to do.[/b]

[size=5][b]"I wish it were that simple" replied Yusei " I'm afraid that whoever stole these cards has spread them out between his minions."[/b][/size]
[b]Told ya.[/b]

[size=6]GASP! The terrifying strategy of spreading cards between minions! This is totally unheard for in a Yugioh! series.[/size]
[size=6]Also, IT'S "WAS" YOU ILLITERATE IDIOT[/size]
[size=5][b]part two[/b][/size]
[size=5]No. I'm done, done, done. This fanfic is horribly written, the author has no idea what a chapter is (or he just wrote it out like that to make it seem longer) and everything in "Part 1" is basically Plot Summary and what tries to, but fails in, hooking the readers and building up the plot, since you obviously didn't care much about the readers actually enjoying the story. [/size]
[size=5]The descriptions are non-existant, the characters are flat as sheets of paper and the plot feels uninspired and out of nowhere.[/size]
[b]ur mom is a flat sheet of paper.[/b]

[b]...[/b]

[b]Uh, okay, so. Sage of Dreams didn't make many errors (just one, I think), but his responses are generally just one line. If he just fleshed out his replies - and didn't write in a giant font size - this would be good.[/b]

[Bringerofcake]

Again.

[Dr. Cakey]

[quote name='Bringerofcake' timestamp='1313806095' post='5456236']
Again.
[/quote]
gdi

fixed

[Dr. Cakey]

[spoiler='Growing Praise and Adulation: Episode 23: Dropping Fire']
[b]This is [i]The Hunger Games[/i][/b] [b]by Frybread002. Yes. He could not be bothered to even think of a subtitle. Like[i] The Hunger Games: Revelation[/i] or [i]The Hunger Games: Revolution[/i] or [i]The Hunger Games: Relocation[/i] or, since there are three previous [i]Hunger Games[/i] books, this could be called [i]The Hunger G4mes[/i]. And, for anyone who’s been waiting for it, might I also suggest [i]The Hunger Games: Electric Boogaloo[/i]?[/b]

[b]Before I continue, let’s discuss Mr. Frybread II’s choice of universe: [i]The Hunger Games[/i]. Put simply, I do not have confidence in his ability to write in this universe. Now – this being a pessimistic Foe Fiction-style review - I also do not have confidence in his ability to write in any other universe, but I’m speaking specifically about [i]The Hunger Games[/i] because it’s [i]good[/i]. If I’m reading a [i]Yu-Gi-Oh![/i] story, as long as the duels are better than this:[/b]
[b][quote name=’Crab Helmet’][/b]
Crab Helmet: 4000
Der Quizzler: 4000

I'll go first. I summon UItimate Necromantic Dragon! By paying 3800 Life Points, I can Special Summon it! It removes your whole field and Graveyard from play, and them removes everything that's already removed from play even further from play, and then discards your entire hand. It has 12442 ATK and DEF, can't be removed from the field or destroyed in any way, and can attack on the very first turn of the duel. Go, attack for-

Der Quizzler: "Necro Gardna".

You're... blocking my attack? Well, that's no fair. Fine, your turn.

Der Quizzler: "I draw. Sparks. I win."[/quote]
[b]I’m satisfied. Frybread the Second, on the other hand, is going to have to psychologically torture at least one of his characters, and preferably have at least one person eaten alive.[/b]

[b]Good luck.[/b]

[b]And now for *cough*Chapter*crabhelmetripoff* Plot.[/b]

Imagine living in a world where you or your closet friend, lover, or family member
[b]Closet lover makes sense, but I’m not sure how many people have closet friends. Closet family member may be even more concerning. On the other hand, this may explain something about the Frybread family situation…[/b]

Imagine living in a world where you or your closet friend, lover, or family member are put
[b]Is put. You’re using ‘or’, so there’s no plural involved.[/b]


are put in an annual reaping to be placed in a arena filled with 24 other people to fight to the death.
[b]This sentence…is tangled. There are bits of it in-universe, bits out of told from out-of-universe. Also, unless someone from District 13 got bored and decided to enter the Hunger Games, there would be twenty-[i]three[/i] (spell out your numbers) other people. I’m pretty sure 12 x 2 = 24.[/b]

You have no rules or supplies to start off it.
[b]Damn, I could win if only I had some [i]rules[/i]…[/b]

Your only real hope [b]to win/survive [/b]is either by luck, skill, or by determination.
[b]You’re welcome.[/b]

Now, imagine your opponents being between the ages of 12-18 years old.
[b]I have no idea how old you are, but your opponents are between [s]12-18[/s] twelve and eighteen.[/b]

Catorgarized by 12 boys and 12 girls.
[b]The hell is catorgarized supposed to – Oh my god, I just had a horrible thought. The Frybread family is so inbread they can’t spell ‘cateogorized’.[/b]

[b]Except that ‘categorized by 12 boys and 12 girls’ neither makes sense nor is a sentence.[/b]

If you win, you obviously had to kill 23 other kids, but you and your home-town get to live in peace for one year until the annual reaping starts again. If you lose, you die and your hometown has to suffer from lack of supplies.

Lastly, if you can't imagine it, then imagine reading multiple journal entries by an participant who describes in detail of every moment insides these "Games." Whether[i] this writter[/i]
[i][b]We’re not playing a drinking game, but by god take a sip. Take a sip[/b][/i][i][b].[/b][/i]

lived or die is unknown, but could you handle it?
[b]Well, not to burst your bubble or anything (actually, specifically in order to burst your bubble), but I think I would much rather read somebody’s journal than actually participate. Where did they find the time to write journal entries, though?[/b]

So to finish off, image this "Reaping" an national event where it's treated as an "Holiday."
[b]“Form an image in your mind.”[/b]

[b]Aw, come on, we must have some [i]Cardfight!! Vanguard[/i] fans here.[/b]

How would you live it?

These are the Hunger Games lived through the eyes of the partcipant named Will Farley. A coward who is afraid of his own shadow.
[b]Seeing as I can see by now you don’t have the literary muscle to tackle the complexity of a participant in the Hunger Games being unable to actually fight, I suspect this story will have much less to do with him being a coward and much more with him stopping being a coward. At the end, the Shyamalan-esque twist will be that [s]he’s already dead[/s] [s]Zuko is the guy in the blue mask[/s] he dies.[/b]

[b]But hey, I could be proven wrong: let’s find out together![/b]

Chapter 1

Entering the cylindrical tube that will take me down to my eventual death sentence, the silence that enveloped the room made me feel like breaking down again, but my stylist wouldn’t allow it.

While waiting in the prep room (although it‘s officially dubbed the “Launch Room“), the silence in the air was too loud for my taste and I tried speaking to Lance, my stylist, but that failed when he only murmured, pretending to be interested. With some 20 minutes left before the bloodbath at the Cornucopia and where I may eventually get killed, I couldn’t [b]help [/b]feel but anxious.
[b]You’re welcome. Again. Am I the only one who noticed all the people in the capital have Roman names, or are you just bad?[/b]

Tick-Tock…Tick-Tock…Tick-Tock…
[b]There’s a clock in here?[/b]

Silence…
[b]A pretty crappy clock it seems.[/b]

Tick-Tock…Tick-Tock…Tick-Tock…
[b]One-Four-Four-Two?[/b]

More silence…
[b]And then…for the last time…absolutely…nothing happened.[/b]

That silence Lance was comfortable with, made me feel like puking. As the mass majority of people who know already, the Hunger Games only have one rule and a set of guidelines: don’t step off your platform for 1minute or have your legs blown off by a landmine (there is always one unfortunate soul who forgets this) and try to make this entertaining as possible (as spoken by Lance himself). It made me laugh a bit but I couldn’t help but cry again, but walking into that tube felt like a coffin.
[b]Are you sure it was the act of walking into the tube that felt like a coffin, rather than the tube itself?[/b]

This only made me feel worse. Something like “hammered crap.”
[b]I am unfamiliar with this feeling.[/b]

“How’s it feel?” Lance asked

Truthfully, I wasn’t expecting Lance to say anything to me, as he was that silent type and a man of few words. So the only thing I could do was just stare at him in silence while he looked towards the wall this time.
[b]When Lance doesn’t want to talk Unnamed Protagonist Who Was Named In The Prologue And Is Named Will Farley, Will wants to talk. When Lance wants to talk, Will doesn’t. Will actually just gets off on screwing with people’s heads.[/b]

Purposely avoiding eye contact with me. But at the same time, his voice also soothed me. You see, despite my age, I still consider myself a boy. A baby who still doesn’t know how to walk yet.
[b]Don’t listen. He’s just trying to win your sympathy before he breaks your heart.[/b]

I needed to depend on others just to live each day back in my District. And truthfully, I should’ve been dead a long, long time ago. If it wasn’t for my mother being a doctor, I wouldn’t know how to fix a broken bone or cure a common cold. If my two brothers weren’t there for me when I nearly died of hopelessness, then I wouldn’t be here by now.
[b]Will apparently didn’t have a [i]reason[/i] for nearly dying of hopelessness (caused by a rare bacteria, scientific name [i]Zetsubou aporiannus[/i]), like his mother dying, or even his pet goldfish dying. He just woke up one day and decided to angst about life in general.[/b]

“How does it feel before the launch?” Lance asked me again. Only this time he was staring me straight in the eye.

I wasn’t really sure if I should responded or not, because I really haven’t spoken to him at all. Except for the occasional “Yes or No” answers. But luckily he finished anyway without me having to say anything.
[b]Don’t worry. When no one’s around, Will is totally a chatty Cathy. He just doesn’t like talking to people whenever people want to talk to [i]him.[/i][/b]

[b]Who do you think you are? Shinji?[/b]

“Did you know, couple hundred years ago, there were these tribes who lived somewhere out in the ocean? Before every battle, the men would cry out a victory song and dance before their enemies. This would not only intimidate their foes, but their cries also withered away any doubt they had and made them stronger.”
[b]This…may or may not be true?[/b]


Before I could even start my sentence, Lance stopped me short in my tracks, glanced his head towards my direction and was about to say something else, but stopped himself as he sat down on his chair, unsure about what he was going to say and pondered for a bit, then turned his head away… just simply staring into the ceiling.
[b]And so Lance decided to say nothing at all…[/b]

Instead, he told me to shout at the top of my lungs and reassured me that I would feel better.
[b]Then he got bored and decided to say something after all.[/b]

Hesitant at fist, I shouted as loud as I could for as long as I can.
[b]Past/present tense confusion is this chapter over yet[/b]

I was feeling a little light-headed, but Lance had me do it over and over again until I was out of breath and breathing heavily. Honestly though, this only made me tired and just easier to kill. I was going to open my mouth to complain but then I’d realized all the anxiety and pressure I’ve been building up was gone. Just like that.
[b]Except for the anxiety about being made tired and easier to kill. Next time I recommend Prozac.[/b]

It’s amazing what shouting can do when you’re nervous.
I’d never realized it before, but despite the hard exterior of Lance - my stylist - he made me realized that whether I know it or not, there was always somebody who cares about me. Regardless of creed, nation, or ideologies.
[b]Which reminds me, Lance doesn’t act like a stylist, or anyone else from the Capital we meet in the books.[/b]

In the Hunger Games, we all lose something and for Lance, it was his child.
I was never told the details, but from what I was able to get out of my prep team and “supposed” mentor, Lance was also a tribute in the 14th Hunger Games. 10 years before I was selected. 6 years before my eldest brother Nate was selected. 5 Years before my second eldest brother John was stolen from me. And 4 years before somebody volunteered to take my place on Reaping Day…
[b]Yeah, you’re going to have to run that be me again. Unless Lance is magically not from the Capital, he wouldn’t have ever been a tribute. That makes as much sense as an emperor taxing himself.[/b]

“Whatever happens, don’t hate the Capital for what they’ve done. Don’t hate the Hunger Games for taking your brothers. Don’t hate your Districts for making you weak. You only have yourself to hate.” Lance finally spoke again. With his calm and collected voice, I could do was just snap back with a tone of malice.

“What do you mean don’t hate them!? Shouldn’t we have every right to hate them? At least have the right of gritting our teeth!?”
[b]“LET ME SEE YOU [i]GRIT THOSE TEETH![/i]”[/b]

[b]Oh, come on, [i]Gurren Lagann[/i] never gets old.[/b]

Is what I wanted to say, but my cowardly self wouldn’t let me. All I could do was just stare him in the eye.
[b]Step 1. Snap back with a tone of malice.[/b]
[b]Step 2. Specific dialogue.[/b]
[b]Step 3. By “snap back with a tone of malice” I meant, “not snap back with a tone of malice”.[/b]

Only his right eye, because his left eye was shoot out by an arrow in his year of victory. During his year of the Hunger Games.
[b]I never heard the details, but from what I was able to get out of the prep team, Lance was a tribute in the Fourteenth Hunger Game – okay, I’ll stop.[/b]

“24 years ago, Panem waged war against the Districts and we lost. We waged war because we didn’t like our government. Before any of this ever happened, we believed in “For the people, by the people”. Our ancestors believed in taking the government and shape it the way we want it to be. To give us freedom from tyranny and dictatorship. That ideology was in the time before Panem was ever created. Created over some 500 years ago. Maybe it happened many more years ago, or maybe it happened more recently, but over the course of time and history, their legacy was taken by future generations and molded to be shaped for their generation and THEIR generation only. Then their kids took their legacy and kept molding and molding so it could fit their needs. This was our ancestors Meme. Times has changed and so has our ideologies. I don’t remember or even know what our ancestors wanted when they mean by “freedom”, but for us, when those Districts rebelled over 24 years ago, we’d lost and as punishment for going against our government, it was clear we needed to be punished and reminded so that we wouldn’t repeat such an event ever again.”
[b]Sounds like the rambling of a crazy person. I never finished [i]Mockingjay[/i], so there might be some historical niceties I’m missing, but I get the impression that “and then people got bored with freedom so they stopped doing it” was [i]not[/i] the genesis of the current state of affairs.[/b]


I couldn’t believe what I heard from my stylist. MY OWN STYLIST!!
[b]Ridiculous! Who could believe that someone from the Capital would have the same point of view as [i]everyone else in the Capital[/i]!?[/b]

For all I knew, my stylist was once an participant in the Hunger Games, but I had no idea that he thought like that. Personally, I couldn’t hold it in any longer, but all that anxiety that I felt earlier came back again and hit me full force that I started to tear up. But can’t look weak. No in front of millions of people across an entire continent. So to cover my face, I’d just simply blinked and closed my eyes. Pretending to be thinking of something else.
[b]Summary of the paragraph:[/b]
[b]I couldn’t hold my generic emotions in any more. I did anyway.[/b]

Surprisingly though, Lance must’ve been an expert at reading facial expressions, because what he said next, made me break down into complete tears. With only 10 minutes left till launch time.

“Let me re-phrase that;
cultivate your hunger, before you idealize. Motivate your anger, to make them all realize. But most of all, Don’t try to live so wise, Don’t cry ‘cos you’re so right, and Don’t dry with fakes or dears, ‘cos in the end, you will hate yourself in the end.”
[b]I can tell three things from this paragraph:[/b]
[b]1. Those are lines from a song.[/b]
[b]2. That song is bad.[/b]
[b]3. Frybread002 is not as good at writing as I had previously thought.[/b]

I couldn’t help but run up and hug him while he sat there on his chair facing the wall away from me. It’s true, I’m a crybaby who needs to hold somebody’s hand, but honestly!? How can I even win if I can’t even keep a straight face before I even have a chance!?
[b]I’ll take this opportunity to point out that whenever characters try to describe themselves, they’re wrong. [i]Always[/i]. Seriously, pay attention and you’ll find how often this holds true. Specifically this holds true about a character’s surface self-examination, not their final self-understanding in the climax. So by whining that he’s a coward, we can now rest assured that Will will perform acts of daring, because he has flat-out told us.[/b]

“Relax, just relax. Your mentor should’ve already gave you instructions, so I don’t need to say anything else. So it’s time to get you changed up into your gear.” Lance said with his usual voice as he sat there. But only this time, he shifted his head a bit forward and returned the hug. “Before they shipped it in, I was able to get a sneak peak at the gear. To give you a little heads up before you launch out.”

And he was right. The next thing I noticed, is him gently brushing me aside to walk up to a duffle bag that just came in and unzip it. Inside were three different pairs of pants, a regular pair of blue-denim jeans, brown cargo pants, and brightly yellow-camo pants. Aside from the pants were a long-sleeved shirt (colored brown), a black jacket, and a nice pair of hiking boots.
[b]If you can’t tell, I’m really bored by this point. And hungry. idgaf what you’re wearing. [/b]


“W-what kind of environment d-do you think I’ll be in…?” I finally asked. With much more confidence. Wiping the tears away from my eyes. These being my first words towards him.
Lance giggled lightly with a response of one word. “Dessert.”
[b]...[/b]

[b]Alright…[/b]

[b]…[/b]

[b]‘Desert’ is spelled with one ‘s’, because dessert is twice as good as a desert.[/b]

[b]In summation…wow. It’s odd because at times it seems passable. Then at other times it seems like it was written by whoever wrote [i]The duel[/i]. You seem to have a habit of dropping words out of your sentences. This, shall we say, somewhat alters the meaning of the story. Tackle something without depth before you cut yourself on [i]The Hunger Games[/i].[/b]
[/spoiler]

[Frybread002]

Hmmm...To be honest...You yourself weren't exactly clear when I read the review...Actually I didn't even know what this was part of another thread till way later...Soo...I guess we're kinda even in terms of not being exactly clear.

But I must say, you really did point out some pretty key features I'd missed. Something I really need to work on if I can only get a greater grasp myself. However, there was something your little rant. Not many supporting details in terms of your rants. I can dig the deal that it's only opinion, so I really don't mind, but it really felt like you were just taking a lot of side topics and going off topic.

...

Umm...
...

Yeah...in short, your not really following the Jack-Wit Clause here. Your basically saying "it stinks" without any real supporting details. Like, I really do dig the fact that you did break down the overall story into pieces and gave your opinion (which most of which didn't really help me), but in your summary, your end never really did justify the means.
So before I sign off, I only got 2 questions:

1.) I kinda wish that you could be more clear when you rant and your summary.

2.) Is it possible that you could also re-read the entire story (counting the 2nd chapter) and tell what you think about it as a whole? You breaking down the paragraphs just tells me I gotta figure what the hell a "Shinji" and "Guarann Lagann" is, but also helped me as well.

P.S. I hardly write anything in general, so I posted the thread just a one-shot story so I can get feedback on where I need to really work on. So in the end, I really do appraciate the thought that somebody read it.

[Dr. Cakey]

[quote name='Frybread002' timestamp='1314672101' post='5478804']
Hmmm...To be honest...You yourself weren't exactly clear when I read the review...Actually I didn't even know what this was part of another thread till way later...Soo...I guess we're kinda even in terms of not being exactly clear.

But I must say, you really did point out some pretty key features I'd missed. Something I really need to work on if I can only get a greater grasp myself. However, there was something your little rant. Not many supporting details in terms of your rants. I can dig the deal that it's only opinion, so I really don't mind, but it really felt like you were just taking a lot of side topics and going off topic.

...

Umm...
...

Yeah...in short, your not really following the [b]Jack Witt[/b] Clause here. Your basically saying "it stinks" without any real supporting details.[/quote]
I protest. I estimate about fourteen points I made. Your mileage may vary.

[quote name='Frybread002' timestamp='1314672101' post='5478804']
Like, I really do dig the fact that you did break down the overall story into pieces and gave your opinion (which most of which didn't really help me), but in your summary, your end never really did justify the means.
So before I sign off, I only got 2 questions:

1.) I kinda wish that you could be more clear when you rant and your summary.

2.) Is it possible that you could also re-read the entire story (counting the 2nd chapter) and tell what you think about it as a whole? You breaking down the paragraphs just tells me I gotta figure [b]what the hell a "Shinji" and "Guarann Lagann" is[/b], but also helped me as well.
[/quote]
In the words of the famous philosopher Immanuel pKant, "[color=#9400D3][i][b]Hell, I don't even know what a Paratroopa is either.[/b][/i][/color]"

But really? "Yours is the drill that will pierce the heavens"? "Believe in the you that believes in me that believes in you"? "Who the hell do you think I am"? None of that rings a bell? If you live in the US, then [url="http://www.hulu.com/gurren-lagann"]watch this and don't stop watching until you're done[/url]. No eating, no sleeping, no whatever-else-it-is-people-do.

What about "I mustn't run away"? No? Angels? Evangelion? The anime that named the trope Mind Rape? That's good, because you shouldn't watch [i]Neon Genesis Evangelion[/i]. If you did, your brain would probably pop, and then your heart would begin to melt and pour out your eyes. And then things would start getting weird.

Oh, you said something about reading chapter 2. Yeah, I'll like do that, and stuff.

[quote name='Frybread002' timestamp='1314672101' post='5478804']
P.S. I hardly write anything in general, so I posted the thread just a one-shot story so I can get feedback on where I need to really work on. So in the end, I really do appraciate the thought that somebody read it.
[/quote]
And I appreciate that you appraciate it.

[Dr. Cakey]

[spoiler='Growing Praise and Adulation: Episode 24: Silver Psychiatrist']
[b]This is Yu-gi-oh: The Wanderer by AggroDrago.[/b]

[b]For some reason, no one seems to know how to write Yu-Gi-Oh!...well, now you know. The exclamation is part of the name. Yu-gi-oh, YuGiOh, Yugioh, and (god forbid) Yugio are all wrong. Got it? What’s that? You were sleeping?[/b]

Chapter 1

The long, dusty road that [b]leads[/b] to the sea [b]had[/b] long since given way to the grasses and sand that lay near the western shore.
[b]Pst. You. Yeah, you. Verb tense agreement.[/b]

[b][u]Large Tangent Which I Cannot Spoiler For Whatever Reason:[/u][/b]
[b]I recall somebody replying to my review of that one zombie story (k, I’ll look it up: the story was Leid der Toten, by Dwarven King, and the review was episode twenty-three: Tea-Time of the Dead) insisting that several of the grammatical errors I had pointed out in the review were actually legitimate grammatical constructions I just wasn’t elevated enough to understand. I double-checked, then triple-checked, and they really were errors, but I was assured that since said critic of my criticism had received a 5 on the AP English exam, he was right. I suppose the answer really is always ‘C’.[/b]

[b]My point in this lengthy tirade is that there is conceivably a sentence in which the above construction of those seemingly contradictory tenses could be used together, and apparently there are anti-grammar Nazi (grammar Ally?) snipers just waiting in the wings to headshot me, were I to say such a thing. So take that, grammar Allies! All hail the [url="http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090424013103/fma/images/7/75/WrathAnimeBrotherhood%3F.jpg"]Fuhrer[/url]![/b]
[b][/tangent][/b]

It was that piece of scenery alone that informed Everett Aalto as to his location.
[b]Which one? You’ve mentioned three or four already.[/b]

The smell of salt that rolled over the hills before him stung as it flowed through his nostrils and left a certain unsettling sense of longing within him; one of which he knew very well. It was this smell, this taste, which had pulled him away from the main road that had been leading him northward.
[b]Credit where credit is due, this is all solid, if slightly melodramatic. But you’re sticking extra words and it gets…weird. We don’t just have a sense of longing, we have a certain, [i]unsettling[/i] sense of longing, and – most damningly – one of these one senses of longing is a sense of longing he knows well.[/b]

He wasn’t sure of what this sense of longing was, nor why it had made him take a detour three miles to the East, but it didn’t matter to him. He was just searching. Had been, ever since he left the circuit.

Everett Aalto had shown up, without warning, onto the amateur dueling circuit almost three years ago. Word would have it that his deck and the cards therein were created by the CEO of Industrial Illusions to Everett’s own specifications.
[b]Everett[/b][b] adheres strictly to the YGO Mary Sue rules of Having A Custom Deck.[/b]

Though the CEO, nor Everett, ever confirmed that to be the case.
[b]It was also never confirmed that Everett was Yugi/Jaden/Yusei/Pegasus/Kaiba/Crow/the unnamed I[sup]2[/sup] CEO’s son. Because Everett is a card-carrying Mary Sue.[/b]

There wasn’t much Everett had allowed [i]anyone[/i] to know about his past; at least the five years prior to his appearance in the amateur league. As to the accusations– well not exactly accusations– they were true. There wasn’t any use denying that. Those cards were his, birthed and bred, and that was how he’d wanted it.
[b]The message is not “heart of the cards” or “friendship”, it’s “the only way to win is to get custom cards straight from the source”. That’s even more cynical than “this game is a f***ing crapshoot.”[/b]

During the first tournament he had competed in in the
[b]Oops.[/b]

American Amateur Dueling League (AAL for short), he was, by and far, the most dominate duelist, defeating every opponent he faced on the first turn, every time. The media had labeled him a prodigy, a man amongst boys. Everett did not doubt that last part. Not one of the duelists he faced had ever had the conviction and emotion he put into every move.
[b]He believed in the cards he had made exactly as he wanted.[/b]

That was something that the CEO of Industrial Illusions had noticed when they had met a year before Everett’s debut. He had mentioned how ironic it was, that the duelist that used emotion so well in duels, had the hardest time expressing it.
[b]Because as we have clearly seen, Everett uses emotion, but can’t express it. Oh wait, except, we haven’t seen it, we’ve just been told it.[/b]

[b]Also, not sure if intentional, but in this recent IT R TROO!!!!! from the author I’m getting some Yusei parallels. Coincidence? Mm…probably.[/b]

He knew why that was too, and it was part of the reason he had granted Everett the right to create his own cards.
[b]And thus, Reborn Tengu was born.[/b]

[b]yes i know that last paragraph he wasnt using custom cards shut up and go away[/b]

Evert stood atop the hill, looking at the sunlit ocean.
[b][/flashback][/b]

Most, he thought, would have gazed upon the vast waters with a sense of majesty and greater importance. Everett only saw a body of water, dangerous, deep, and at its core, a darkness that no man could ever truly imagine, let alone experience. It was an ocean. There were others in the world, and the Pacific, though gargantuan, was far from the most beautiful, and as Everett looked over it, he began to realize how unusually lifeless it seemed.
[b]He then pondered how the condition of Man was like to that of the ceaseless ebbing and flowing of the ocean, how those lifeless waters chilled like the lonely souls of humanity who eternally quested to communicate with others and yet, despite it all, remained isolated and sorrowful.[/b]

At least it seemed that way compared to the shore it lay against. The town that stood between the water and the foot of the dune Everett had stopped upon was busy. Everett assumed that, being a coastal town, there would be some sort of festival or party as the days grew nearer to summer.
[b]…that was an…interesting…segue.[/b]

Everett found himself curious about what was going on and slowly began walking down the sandy slope towards the town. He was walking against better judgment, and not because of the treacherousness the sand and grass that made up the side of the hill created.
[b]Just in case you were wondering. I mean, that’s a pretty treacherous hill he was standing on. Hm? I didn’t tell you? Because it’s not important? Yeah, but it’s made of sand [i]and[/i] grass.[/b]

He couldn’t risk getting recognized. Well, he could. He just didn’t want to. Fame had created a following to Everett that seemed to pop up everywhere he went. It was a despicable thing, having a bunch of fan-girls, and sometimes fan-boys, asking for his autograph or a picture. It wasn’t what he wanted, and it wasn’t why he dueled.
[b]In fiction, there are two kinds of celebrities. First, there are shallow, vapid people who are living mannequins, adore their fans, and think that the reason many Americans can’t find Iraq on a map is because there aren’t enough maps. The second kind of fictional celebrity is a troubled, brooding individual – the only people he is completely indifferent to more than the people who don’t like him are the people who like him.[/b]

[b]Put another way, this is intended to show that the character in question is above all that. What it actually shows is that he’s a dick. Further analysis and other clues unintentionally laid down by the author might indicate that this is motivated by a deep self-loathing deflected onto his fans.[/b]

[b]I’m in an over-thinking mood. Now lets see what other psychological ailments we can diagnose Everett with.[/b]

Why did he duel? Everett thought about it as he took his first few steps into town. That was the question the chair of Industrial Illusions had asked him after he’d won the championship almost a year after his charge into the limelight.
[b]inb4answerthatdoesn’treallyhaveanythingtodowithdueling[/b]

The answer he had given was, as the chair himself had stressed, inadequate. The following week, Everett had disappeared from the amateur circuit. In a same manner to his appearance, with no one, not even those who knew him well, having any idea as to where he had gone.

It had been about two years since then, and Everett wasn’t quite sure if he had found a reason. His last one had surely not been resolved.
[b]So he had a reason, but the clutch gave out and he had to junk it, and he’s shopping around for another? Well, it is a basic tenet of YGO that if you don’t have a reason for dueling, you suck, so I guess there’s no way he can duel until he finds one.[/b]

In either case, even after two years, he was unsure if people remembered him, and if they did, how they would react.

He had made it about halfway through the town when he realized a far more pressing matter he had to put his mind and effort to, and his stomach was giving him a heads up.

“I gotta get something to eat.”
[b]“Show, then tell” is an art fan-fiction writers the Internet over have devoted their lives to mastering.[/b]

As pathetic as it may seem, Everett felt as if an iron ball chained to his feet held him down. His hand holding his stomach in comfort, he continued to drag his famished and exhausted self down the right side of the road to the beach until, finally, sitting himself down, clumsily, onto one of the stools that lined a burger and custard stand sitting on the line between the sand and pavement.

“Can I get you something?” The man behind the counter said it light-heartedly, obviously noting his potential customer’s sorrowful disposition.

“Burger. Fries. Soda. Please.”

“Coming up.”

Everett finally propped himself up as he realized the food was on its way. It was only then that he noticed what was going on around him on the beach.
[b]What? There’s not much to say. Excessively wordy, but by YCM standards this is…well, I would say ‘gold’ but there’s at least one and probably two stories in this forum more tightly written, so I’ll say that this is ‘silver’.[/b]

He wasn’t sure, exactly, if he had been correct when he made his guess at there being a festival, but there was definitely something. From one side of the beach to the other, there were people, wearing red, yellow, and blue uniforms, most of them around Everett’s age or younger. And as he saw the first holograms of two fearsome creatures do battle on the far side of the beach, he began to get excited with the realization of what was going on.
[b]Because as we all know, characters in Yu-Gi-Oh! all have only one interest:[/b]

“There a duel tournament here this week?” Everett asked the bartender.
[b]I was going to say ‘Capsule Monsters’, but that works.[/b]

“There is.” The man spoke as if letting Everett know that he would not be giving his undivided attention. Everett wouldn’t argue. He wanted his food quickly anyway. “Duel Academy is taking a break here this week. I guess it’s to reward the students as they near the end of their year.”

“How long they gonna be here?”

“Tomorrow is the last day, I think.”

“Hm.” Everett smirked “I’d better see as much as I can until then, huh?”

“Yeah, you know some of these kids are actually pretty good.
[b]Pretty crazy how people who’ve gone to high school/college (not quite sure which one Duel Academy is) solely for Duel Monsters would be good at Duel Monsters.[/b]

I’ve been watching them all week and I’m telling you: I’m surprised most of them aren’t on the amateur circuit.” As Everett heard the last few words he winced a bit.

“I don’t know, I’ve always thought that going to Duel Academy would be cooler than competing in an amateur tourney.”

“What makes you say that?”
[b]“You know, the social scene, the expert teachers. There’s also the tropical island location. And the active volcano.”[/b]

“Well, first off, they can still join the competitive circuit after leaving, plus I’ve always been told that the school experience is something every up and coming duelist should go through.”

“You’re not in school?” The waiter was looking more attentive to what Everett had to say, and to Everett’s dismay, less attentive to making his food. “You look like that age.”

“No.” Everett stretched his arms out, trying his best to not look too conspicuous. “I’ve taken a different road.”

“Really? What kind of road is that?” Everett smirked as the waiter asked him.

“It’s not something I like to talk about much, but it’s gotten me here and with enough money to eat, so I can’t complain, can I?”

That last part made the man chuckled, and he had Everett’s food done within a matter of seconds.

“Here you are.”

“Great!” Everett leaned over the meal, eyeing it idly.

“Say, you look familiar.” Everett froze as he heard the words. “Have I seen you somewhere before?”

Gathering himself steadily, Everett smiled and looked up at the man.

“I doubt it.”

The man gazed at Everett’s mask of innocence.

“Alright, sorry then. Enjoy the food.”

“Will do.”
[b]Phew. This remains YCM silver, to be sure, but AggroDrago loves words. A lot. Look at all those [i]words[/i]. And they never [i]said[/i] anything.[/b]

Everett readjusted himself on the stool as he looked back over the food. With two hands, he lifted the burger to his mouth. His jaw had half-bitten into the bun when he heard someone address him to his left.

“Hey, are you?” Face-still buried in the burger, Everett looked to his left to see who was speaking. “Rhett? Is that you?”

Crap. Someone noticed him.

The boy to his left wasn’t acting like an adoring fan running into his idol, nor a man with a big boot meeting the scum of the Earth. He was acting significantly… different, than how anyone else Everett had met since he had left the amateur circuit had.

Everett spent a few seconds examining the boy, wondering if he might know him. He had obviously come from the ocean: his amber-laced, brown hair lay, soaked, hanging over his ears and forehead and he wore swim trunks and an unbuttoned red and white uniform jacket, signifying his place in the Slifer-Red dorm of Duel Academy, the lowest of the class ranks at the Academy.
[b]The official dorm of major characters, in what I’m sure is no coincidence whatsoever.[/b]

“Rhett?”

“Uh-hra?” Everett realized he was still biting into the burger and bit the chunk off and swallowed it. As the food billowed through his esophagus and down into his stomach, he suddenly realized who he was talking to. “Leland?”

Everett jolted as a fist came flying down and cracked onto the top of his skull.

“Ow! What was that for?” Everett clutched his head in his hands, wincing from the stinging pain and leaning away from his aggressor.
[b]ANIME HUMOR![/b]

[b]…does not translate well to the written word.[/b]

“You were supposed to duel me you a**!”
[b]This is the Internet. You don’t need to censor yourself.[/b]

“What are you talking about?”

“The day before our duel, you just left the amateur circuit! Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten!” Okay, maybe Everett was wrong, Leland may have been acting like he was the scum of the Earth. “That was [i]supposed [/i]to be my [i]last[/i] [i]duel[/i] before my parents pulled me out of the league and sent me off to Duel Academy!”

“What?”

“But you had to disappear! I thought that [i]maybe[/i] you’d show a little more respect for your best friend!”

“Wait, you can’t put that on me! You never told me, if I had known you were leaving, of course I would have-.”

“No excuses!” Leland’s foot came flying up and knocked Everett in the gut, toppling him over like pin.

Everett groaned as he hit the concrete, cussing himself that he didn’t choose a seat placed an optimal yard to the left where the ground was softened by kicked-up sand.

“Okay, okay, yeah. I’m sorry I left without telling you, I [i]probably[/i] should have-.” Everett stopped short as he saw the menacing look on Leland’s face. “I [i]should [/i]have told you before I did what I did.”

Leland held his fist up in the air, considering whether or not to beat the helpless idiot.

“Ugh, your not worth it.”
[b]Your/you’re confusion.[/b]

Leland threw a hand up in the air indifferently and walked back over to the counter, being sure to take a fry from Everett’s plate as payment before sitting down on an adjacent seat. Everett, dusting himself off, soon followed.
[b]‘Soon’ being ‘after he was discharged from the hospital after suffering a concussion and several broken ribs’.[/b]

“So, wait, you’ve been at Duel Academy for [i]two years[/i] now?”

Leland sent a quick, but menacing glance towards Everett. Obviously thinking that he shouldn’t be the first one to answer questions.

“Well, technically speaking, I’ve been privately tutored by former DA teachers since I was five, and I’ve been going there to study during their summer programs.”
[b]“I’m a major character, you see.”[/b]

“They have those things?” Leland gave Everett a lifeless glare in response to the rhetorical question.

“My parents, always wanting me to have [i]the[/i] [i]best[/i] knowledge to win, told me that I had to become a full-time student at Duel Academy if I wanted to continue. I wasn’t really given a choice in the matter. I was [i]planning[/i] on telling you a week before, but…”

“Yeah… sorry about that… again.”

“Whatever. Anyway, that’s why I’m here. More importantly, let’s talk about where [i]you [/i]went. You’ve been off the radar for what, two years now?”

Everett laughed, “It’s a bit too long of a story. Mainly, I’ve just been traveling around. Ever since that last duel, you know?”

The duel in question, in what ended up being the final duel Everett played, taking place about a month or so before his disappearance, had left him with a few bruises and had laid his opponent in a hospital bed. No one could exactly lay a finger on the actual problem, but mostly, it was attributed to a programming error in the simulated explosions that caused them to magnify to be far larger than normally allotted.
[b]Bla bla holograms bla bla I know it’s magical powers[/b]

“Alright, so how’d that bring you here?”

“I don’t know. It was mostly coincidence. Really though, I came here looking for someone.”

“Who’d that be?”

Everett responded with a bothered expression, not wanting to let loose what it was exactly that had brought him here, but knowing he owed [i]something [/i]to Leland.
[b]Unfortunately, the Law of Forced Tension required him to not tell Leland.[/b]

“If you’re looking for a deeper reason as to why I left, then don’t waste your time. I don’t have one for you, Leel.” Leland’s head perked up from staring down at the dark lines in the wooden counter when he heard his childhood nickname.

Leel was the nickname Everett had come up for Leland when they met almost fifteen years prior. A response to Leland beginning to call Everett by Rhett. The name stuck. Well. And it carried over even after Everett’s family moved away, all the way up until they finally reunited at Rhett’s second amateur tournament.

“Don’t call me that, man.”

“Then don’t call me Rhett.”

“Pft. Like hell I’ll do that!”

Everett sighed, “Look, Leel. If you [i]need[/i] a reason for why I left, it’s this: I don’t know what it is I was playing for. Why should I have put myself out there and tried to win every day, and at apparent risk of health? I couldn’t find a reason to fight anymore. So I left it behind.”

Leland took a glass of water the chef had laid before him when the two sat down and took a gulp. Everett hadn’t seen him this much in thought since the first time he’d watched him duel in the amateur circuit.

“You can’t remember what you duel for, huh?” Leland pushed himself up out of his seat. “Well then.”
[b]Here it comes…[/b]

Everett looked up at his old friend.

“Rhett, do you still have your duel disk?”
[b]*drumroll*[/b]

Everett could see where this was going, and there wasn’t anything he’d be able to do about it.
[b]With the possible exception of refusing.[/b]

So, with some distain, he reached over to the tan backpack set beside his seat and opened a flap revealing his old duel disk.

“Good then.” In [i]the most[/i] clichéd way possible, Leland pointed to Everett, “Everett Aalto, I challenge you to a duel!”
[b]In a classic case of [url="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BeamMeUpScotty"]Beam Me Up Scotty[/url], I don’t think these exact words are ever said in any Yu-Gi-Oh! iteration.[/b]

[b]And thus as the duel is about to begin, the chapter comes to a close, because…that’s the way Internet chapters work? As I’ve mentioned, this is YCM silver. It’s probably one of the best reads you’ll find in this forum. It needs an editor and…something else. Not sure what. But it needs those. Then it would become truly good. Who knows? Maybe the writing improves as AggroDrago gets a better handle on things. Whatever the case, this is one of the only stories I’ve reviewed that I can genuinely recommend.[/b]
[/spoiler]