Yugioh GX fan fic

[Squidward Tentacles]

[center]

Yugioh GX Episode 1: Ready for Ra? Part 1

[/center]

Two boys stood under the towering shadow of Kaibacorp. "Ryu, do you think we're ready?" asked one boy. "I know we are, Milo." Ryu answered. Ryu was tall and tan, with long black hair. He wore a headband in the pattern of leaping sharks, which was barely visible through his hair, like his blue-as-the-sea eyes.. The red shirt he wore bore the crest of a shark, and his jeans were blue as the sea. Milo had light blonde hair and was a bit shorter than Ryu with brown eyes. He wore a green shirt with a tiger on it and dark purple jeans. "If you say so." The friends walked off into the building. When they walked through the doors, they saw a large room. It buzzed with activity. Secretaries on phones, people conversing, and intercoms buzzing. They sighed and took a seat. They sat down in the only seats that were open, next to two girls. One was tall with brown hair and green eyes. "Hi. I'm Mira," She said. "Mira Takashi." "Hi Mira. I'm Ryu Ryōshi. And this is my friend, Milo Elysium." The other girl, with longer blonde hair and purple eyes, turned to Milo and Ryu. "Hi. I'm Ali Fisher." "Hi Ali. I'm-" "Ryu and Milo. I heard ya." A voice came out over the intercom. "Attention all trying out for duel academy: Please report to the room with the red door for the duelingexams. "All right!" Ryu yelled. "This is the part i've been waiting for!!" Ryu and Milo charged into the room.

[Phantom Roxas]

Mind if I give a special commentary for this fic?

[DARKPLANT RISING]

[quote name='Phantom Roxas' timestamp='1290049021' post='4792668']
Mind if I give a special commentary for this fic?
[/quote]
Same here.

[ThatPhantomGuy]

[quote name='=Evangelion=' timestamp='1290077284' post='4793071']
[quote name='Phantom Roxas' timestamp='1290049021' post='4792668']
Mind if I give a special commentary for this fic?
[/quote]

Same here.
[/quote]

I'm pretty sure you don't need an answer... I just write up a review and post it. o3o

[Squidward Tentacles]

go ahead. compliments or criticism is appreciated.

[Phantom Roxas]

[b]Weather Reports, Foe Fiction. These are what have shown us the writing capability of YCM. That is, very little at all. Do we need more proof of this? Yes, because these are Phantom's Divinations.[/b]

[spoiler=The 7th Seal][color=#0000CD]And now I have Kiyoteru as my avatar.[/color]

[color="#2F4F4F"]Roxas, stop it. It wasn't funny the first time, and continuing a stupid joke like that is just going to get tired and more pointless.[/color]

[color=#0000CD]I suppose you're right. So, I take it we're doing another Divination? Let's see what we can - Blake, did you leave the door open? I can't believe I didn't notice that earlier.[/color]

[color="#2F4F4F"]Oh, well that's because I wanted to see if even the shortest fanfic could serve as a doorstop.[/color]

[color=#0000CD]Why would you do that?[/color]

[color="#2F4F4F"]No reason. I got anything else to do, and I figured it would be a satisfactory, if pathetic way to pass the time. Either way, I think I'm done here, so I'm going to leave.[/color]

[color=#0000CD]You're leaving already?[/color]

[color="#2F4F4F"]Please, I'm only here to serve as a shameless self-promotion of Zodiac Cross. Update that some time, would you?[/color]

[color=#0000CD]I'll think about it. Any, why don't I take a look at the doorstop of a fic you mentioned? What's it called?[/color]

[color="#2F4F4F"]I'm glad you asked. It's [url=http://bit.ly/bC7PGX]"Yugioh GX fan fic"[/url], by [url=http://bit.ly/aR2CO8]Crimson Paladin[/url].[/color]

[color=#0000CD]Surely you meant "a Yu-Gi-Oh! GX fanfic", right? What's the title?[/color]

[color="#2F4F4F"]That [i]is[/i] the title, Roxas. And don't call me "Shirley".[/color]

[color=#0000CD]This is going to be painful, isn't it?.[/color]

[color="#2F4F4F"]Considering how it actually managed to dissolve a part of the door, "painful" is probably a light way to put it.[/color]

[color=#0000CD]Fabulous. Anyway, let's begin.[/color]

[color="#2F4F4F"]Actually, you're on your own this time. I'm out of here.[/color]

[color=#0000CD]You're leaving me alone? Honestly, is it that bad?[/color]

[color="#2F4F4F"]It's a Duel Academy fic.[/color]

[color=#0000CD]...[/color]

[color="#2F4F4F"]Bye![/color]

[color=#0000CD]Wait, Blake! Come back! Great, he's gone. Alright then, so what's so bad with this story?[/color]

[i]Yugioh GX Episode 1: Ready for Ra? Part 1[/i]

[color=#0000CD]Honestly, that's it? You're that lazy? Why not just come up with your own title? I'll admit, I'm bad with titles, but at least I don't badly copy-paste the title of the series I'm basing my fanfic on without coming up with some kind of subtitle. YCM, stop using "Episode" in place of "Chapter". You need to stop these delusions that what you're writing is the basis for the upteenth sequel to GX. Riding Duels are even more plausible than a Duel Academy in my mind, and this is coming from a guy who's shamelessly doing his own Duel Academy fic and considers Yusei an even bigger Sue than Judai/Jaden.

And that's not even the [s]chapter[/s] episode's title. "Ready for Ra?" Either you're just that bad at titles, or I'm being nitpicky. Probably both, but that title is something I would see from a 4Kids dub. Not to mention that it's Part 1. If you're not going to release the entire chapter all at once, don't release the chapter at all.[/color]

[i]Two boys stood under the towering shadow of Kaibacorp. "Ryu, do you think we're ready?" asked one boy.[/i]

[color=#0000CD]"You bet I'm ready, Syrus clone 497! That's why we're standing under [s]KaibaCorp[/s] Kaibacorp, which has not only a looming shadow, but one that towers over us as well!"[/color]

[i]"I know we are, Milo." Ryu answered. Ryu was tall and tan, with long black hair. He wore a headband in the pattern of leaping sharks, which was barely visible through his hair, like his blue-as-the-sea eyes.. The red shirt he wore bore the crest of a shark, and his jeans were blue as the sea. Milo had light blonde hair and was a bit shorter than Ryu with brown eyes. He wore a green shirt with a tiger on it and dark purple jeans. [/i]

[color=#0000CD]I'm calling it now, the animal motifs are totally plot-relevant. That or they are completely irrelevant and Crimson Paladin thinks having a shark or tiger T-shirt makes you qualify as a badass. Not to mention that the color of their jeans only gives me the idea makes me picture these two as those wannabe emos who listen to Devil Wears Prada or whatever and think that they're so cool.[/color]

[i]"If you say so." The friends walked off into the building. When they walked through the doors, they saw a large room. It buzzed with activity. Secretaries on phones, people conversing, and intercoms buzzing.[/i]

[color=#0000CD]What is this, Bee Academy? I'm sure there's other descriptions you could use like "was filled with people tending to countless jobs," or the intercoms where, you know, blaring loudly.[/color]

[i]They sighed and took a seat. They sat down in the only seats that were open, next to two girls. One was tall with brown hair and green eyes. "Hi. I'm Mira," She said. "Mira Takashi." "Hi Mira. I'm Ryu Ryōshi. And this is my friend, Milo Elysium." The other girl, with longer blonde hair and purple eyes, turned to Milo and Ryu. "Hi. I'm Ali Fisher." "Hi Ali. I'm-" "Ryu and Milo. I heard ya."[/i]

[color="#0000CD"]Unbeknownst to them, there stood a onlooker who oversaw the events unfolding before them. "Success!" he muttered. "I knew that by attending this academy, I would discover the stand-ins for Jaden and Syrus who would meet the girls that would clearly become their love interests, and all four of them would casually reveal their names without any prompting to do so! And it all transpired even better than I initially imagined! They revealed their last names as well, so know I can write their names down and kill them all right here!"

More seriously, it's about time I point out the entire story so far has been a paragraph with no breaks. Even though we've had four characters talking so far, we have yet to begin a new paragraph.[/color]

[i]A voice came out over the intercom. "Attention all trying out for duel academy:[/i]

[color=#0000CD]"We regret to inform you that we have been sued for legal rights of the "Duel Academy" name. As such, we are not allowed to use capital letters in our name."[/color]

[i]Please report to the room with the red door for the duelingexams.[/i]

[color=#0000CD]"Also, our use of spaces per sentence is nowlimited."[/color]

[i]"All right!" Ryu yelled. "This is the part i've been waiting for!!" Ryu and Milo charged into the room.[/i]

[color=#0000CD]"[i]Yosh[/i]! Am I a generic enough hot blooded shonen protagonist yet?

Now, I'm sure you're wondering where the rest is. Notice I said "paragraph" and not "wall of text". That's all there is. This is what I mean when I say that if you don't have a full chapter, don't bother posting the rest. It's a very standard Duel Academy fic that does nothing to indicate that it's trying to stand out. This is evident in the fact that there isn't a subtitle, and this is being billed as a "Yugioh GX fic". This fic is a waste of time, posting this was a waste of the time the author could have very well spent proofreading this, noticing the glaring errors such as the fact that this is a paragraph, and expand this chapter to the inevitable entrance duel against some random teacher. Do you know why people hate GX/Duel Academy fics? It's because they're incredibly formulaic. If you can do a Duel Academy fanfic without making your protagonist a Jaden clone who has to take part in some pointless entrance duel, then that's a start to making your fic less predictable, formulaic, and dumb.[/color][/spoiler]

[Squidward Tentacles]

there would be more, but i didnt get enough time to finish