Duels against the Dark Signers I

[Astro Dude]

bump: fixed Dark Misty vs. Robo-Minerva in case anyone is interested.

[Astro Dude]

bump: Finished fixing the Dark Carly duel and broke it down into parts for easier reading. If you would like to read go right ahead.

[CrabHelmet]

You don't need to bump every three hours. Nobody's going to read this trash either way.

[Zeppeli Gyro Supreme]

Way to be constructive and motivate a writer to become better. It's a proven fact that negative reinforcement is typically the cause of people's problems becoming worse. You might not like this person's stuff, but that doesn't mean you should mock them. How do people expect other to want to stay in YCM when there are people constantly ragging on them about their views, literacy, and personal beliefs?

[Brinolovania]

Why is Devack impressed that Robo-Taz knows the effect of his own Morphing Jar? >_>
EDIT:And why couldn't Robo-Daffy have drawn Neo Daedalus? >_>
EDIT 2:Why didn't Misty just go for game with Dragon Queen? >_>

[CrabHelmet]

[quote name='slayer_supreme' timestamp='1290540118' post='4805396']
Way to be constructive and motivate a writer to become better. It's a proven fact that negative reinforcement is typically the cause of people's problems becoming worse. You might not like this person's stuff, but that doesn't mean you should mock them. How do people expect other to want to stay in YCM when there are people constantly ragging on them about their views, literacy, and personal beliefs?
[/quote]
Are you suggesting that Astro Dude ceasing to post more of this is a [i]bad[/i] thing that I should work to [i]avoid[/i]?

[Brinolovania]

And more comments: Why do the ladies never direct attack with the Immortals? And why didn't Bunny dude attack? And Carly unnecissarily naked? PERVERT. You are an even worse riter than me. Crab, I sense a Foe Fiction...

[ThatPhantomGuy]

[quote name='slayer_supreme' timestamp='1290540118' post='4805396']
Way to be constructive and motivate a writer to become better. It's a proven fact that negative reinforcement is typically the cause of people's problems becoming worse. You might not like this person's stuff, but that doesn't mean you should mock them. How do people expect other to want to stay in YCM when there are people constantly ragging on them about their views, literacy, and personal beliefs?
[/quote]

Ha! I laugh at this statement.

Have you even took the pain of reading this at all? Crab Helmet never insulted the guy, just his work. He's just... brutally honest. As all critics should be. And who really cares about other people staying on YCM? Honestly? Unless you have friends; no one. Us critics are not going to say to a crap story: "Oh, this was a good try, so your writing is A-OK." We are honest, when a story sucks, it's our duty to tell them (preferably in a nice way) YOUR STORY SUCKS, STOP NOW WHILE YOU ARE AHEAD, OTHERWISE YOU'LL JUST LOOK STUPID. It's really nothing personal, just writing.

[evilfusion]

I already trudged through the work once and pointed out a lot of major flaws, some of them recurring. I am not subjecting myself to see the minor rewrites which likely did not address my problems in a satisfactory manner. Looking at the rebuttals he provided, I see a bunch of weak justifications, including the brilliant fallback of "my story", and a few that indicate that the author has no idea how to write a story.

So I will attempt to reiterate my stronger advice.

1) Dialogue is better than a narrator, especially in duels where characters will talk a LOT. Watch the anime if you don't know how it works. They talk to each other. They tell each other their moves. They explain their effects where appropriate, they react to their opponent's plays. They show emotion, whether it be glee, anger, shock, or worry.

2) Duelists in the Yu-gi-oh world are respected people because they're GOOD at the game. They may make mistakes now and then, but they don't duel like idiots. Misty deliberately forestalling victory to play Ccarayhua is stupid. Grieger not using SKYFIRE's effect to clear away a card is stupid, since the anime showed he had no qualms about doing this whatsoever.

3) Do not give every character the same cards and stategies. It is boring, it is uncreative, and the justifications given for doing so were stupid beyond belief. Do not make it obvious the only purpose of a card was so character X would win that turn.

4) If you make things up, make sure the concept is fully addressed or adequately hinted at. Some of your rebuttal statements pretended that's what they were doing, but fact is, if the reader doesn't know it, they won't accept your answers as fact.

[DARKPLANT RISING]

"Who the hell [i]is[/i] Kalin?"
^ What everybody thinks first. ^

[Astro Dude]

[quote name='slayer_supreme' timestamp='1290540118' post='4805396']
Way to be constructive and motivate a writer to become better. It's a proven fact that negative reinforcement is typically the cause of people's problems becoming worse. You might not like this person's stuff, but that doesn't mean you should mock them. How do people expect other to want to stay in YCM when there are people constantly ragging on them about their views, literacy, and personal beliefs?
[/quote]

Thank you for defending me.
[quote name='!' timestamp='1290564728' post='4806333']
Why is Devack impressed that Robo-Taz knows the effect of his own Morphing Jar? >_>
EDIT:And why couldn't Robo-Daffy have drawn Neo Daedalus? >_>
EDIT 2:Why didn't Misty just go for game with Dragon Queen? >_>
[/quote]
1. Robo-Taz is the muscle of the Robo-Tunes, so anyone would figure him for a dumb guy. WRONG! Like the other Robo-Tunes, Robo-Taz studied his cards.
2. Cause he would never draw it in time to finish off Grieger.
3. I wanted Robo-Minerva to win and I have done the Life Point math.

[quote name='!' timestamp='1290566153' post='4806392']
And more comments: Why do the ladies never direct attack with the Immortals? And why didn't Bunny dude attack? And Carly unnecissarily naked? PERVERT. You are an even worse riter than me. Crab, I sense a Foe Fiction...
[/quote]

Robo-Lola is a GIRL ROBOT!, And COME ON! under the glasses and geek clothes she's just as hot a babe as say Alexis Rhodes. It had to be done!

[quote name='ThatPhantomGuy' timestamp='1290570972' post='4806534']
Ha! I laugh at this statement.

Have you even took the pain of reading this at all? Crab Helmet never insulted the guy, just his work. He's just... brutally honest. As all critics should be. And who really cares about other people staying on YCM? Honestly? Unless you have friends; no one. Us critics are not going to say to a crap story: "Oh, this was a good try, so your writing is A-OK." We are honest, when a story sucks, it's our duty to tell them (preferably in a nice way) YOUR STORY SUCKS, STOP NOW WHILE YOU ARE AHEAD, OTHERWISE YOU'LL JUST LOOK STUPID. It's really nothing personal, just writing.
[/quote]

Thank you for your opinion.

[quote name='evilfusion' timestamp='1290575923' post='4806664']
I already trudged through the work once and pointed out a lot of major flaws, some of them recurring. I am not subjecting myself to see the minor rewrites which likely did not address my problems in a satisfactory manner. Looking at the rebuttals he provided, I see a bunch of weak justifications, including the brilliant fallback of "my story", and a few that indicate that the author has no idea how to write a story.

So I will attempt to reiterate my stronger advice.

1) Dialogue is better than a narrator, especially in duels where characters will talk a LOT. Watch the anime if you don't know how it works. They talk to each other. They tell each other their moves. They explain their effects where appropriate, they react to their opponent's plays. They show emotion, whether it be glee, anger, shock, or worry.

I fixed that problem.

2) Duelists in the Yu-gi-oh world are respected people because they're GOOD at the game. They may make mistakes now and then, but they don't duel like idiots. Misty deliberately forestalling victory to play Ccarayhua is stupid. Grieger not using SKYFIRE's effect to clear away a card is stupid, since the anime showed he had no qualms about doing this whatsoever.

Misty knew what she was doing. She had to get hurt in order to get rid of one of the most defensively powerful combos ever.

3) Do not give every character the same cards and stategies. It is boring, it is uncreative, and the justifications given for doing so were stupid beyond belief. Do not make it obvious the only purpose of a card was so character X would win that turn.

I altered Robo-Lola's I gave her Skill Drain.

4) If you make things up, make sure the concept is fully addressed or adequately hinted at. Some of your rebuttal statements pretended that's what they were doing, but fact is, if the reader doesn't know it, they won't accept your answers as fact.
[/quote]


[quote name='=Evangelion=' timestamp='1290759219' post='4810921']
"Who the hell [i]is[/i] Kalin?"
^ What everybody thinks first. ^
[/quote]

http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Kalin_Kessler
Does that help?

[evilfusion]

[quote name='Astro Dude' timestamp='1290814367' post='4812082']

1. Robo-Taz is the muscle of the Robo-Tunes, so anyone would figure him for a dumb guy. WRONG! Like the other Robo-Tunes, Robo-Taz studied his cards.

[b]Oh, so a character is impressed because another character did the unthinkable of knowing how to play the game.[/b]

3. [u]I wanted Robo-Minerva to win[/u] and I have done the Life Point math.

[b]NOT a good answer. Ever. In a similar vein, "My story", "my character", and other weak defenses to criticism do not reflect a developing writer's devotion to improving.[/b]

http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Kalin_Kessler
Does that help?
[/quote]

The Kalin thing is because most fans of the character despise his dub name and prefer him acknowledged/known as Kiryu, not Kalin.

[Astro Dude]

Yeah, Devack thought Robo-Taz would be a noob. And what would be a strong enough answer for the Robo-Minerva thing?

[Brinolovania]

[quote name='Astro Dude' timestamp='1290814367' post='4812082']
Thank you for defending me.

1. Robo-Taz is the muscle of the Robo-Tunes, so anyone would figure him for a dumb guy. WRONG! Like the other Robo-Tunes, Robo-Taz studied his cards.
[color="#FF0000"]Not even the noobiest noobs throw cards in their deck if they don't know what they do...[/color]

2. Cause he would never draw it in time to finish off Grieger.
[color="#FF0000"]...Why?[/color]
3. I wanted Robo-Minerva to win and I have done the Life Point math.
[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Negate_Attack"]http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Negate_Attack[/url]



Robo-Lola is a GIRL ROBOT!, And COME ON! under the glasses and geek clothes she's just as hot a babe as say Alexis Rhodes. It had to be done!
[color="#FF0000"]...Fanservice is entirely unneeded in fan fics.[/color]


Thank you for your opinion.






http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Kalin_Kessler
Does that help?
[/quote]

[evilfusion]

[quote name='Astro Dude' timestamp='1290819520' post='4812244']
Yeah, Devack thought Robo-Taz would be a noob. And what would be a strong enough answer for the Robo-Minerva thing?
[/quote]

You just need a lesson or two in how to write fanfic duels. You want the games to include characters playing smart, using cards that make sense with their deck theme, and not making blatantly bad plays (unless it's deliberately a character error. I once read a well-written fic where a duelist was using a Skill Drain deck with Zombyra the Dark. Skill Drain got destroyed, but he made his play to attempt a direct attack with Zombyra, overlooking it can't attack directly when Skill Drain's gone. Other characters noted this error, and of course, it didn't work. The character didn't look too much like an idiot, but one player won because the oversight stopped him from winning). By contrast, you had Misty deliberately NOT WIN when she could. There is no argument you can make that will excuse that mistake.

And no, in the Yugioh world, being a noob just means you're not skilled or your cards are horrible, not that you don't know how to play the cards in your own deck. Kaiba criticized Joey on a lot of things with his dueling, but I don't recall Kaiba ever telling Joey that he's third-rate because he doesn't know how his own cards work.

[DARKPLANT RISING]

[quote name='evilfusion' timestamp='1290818992' post='4812218']
The Kalin thing is because most fans of the character despise his dub name and prefer him acknowledged/known as Kiryu, not Kalin.
[/quote]
...This.

Seriously. Kiryu>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Kalin.

[Astro Dude]

[quote name='evilfusion' timestamp='1290831113' post='4812651']
You just need a lesson or two in how to write fanfic duels. You want the games to include characters playing smart, using cards that make sense with their deck theme, and not making blatantly bad plays (unless it's deliberately a character error. I once read a well-written fic where a duelist was using a Skill Drain deck with Zombyra the Dark. Skill Drain got destroyed, but he made his play to attempt a direct attack with Zombyra, overlooking it can't attack directly when Skill Drain's gone. Other characters noted this error, and of course, it didn't work. The character didn't look too much like an idiot, but one player won because the oversight stopped him from winning). By contrast, you had Misty deliberately NOT WIN when she could. There is no argument you can make that will excuse that mistake.

And no, in the Yugioh world, being a noob just means you're not skilled or your cards are horrible, not that you don't know how to play the cards in your own deck. Kaiba criticized Joey on a lot of things with his dueling, but I don't recall Kaiba ever telling Joey that he's third-rate because he doesn't know how his own cards work.
[/quote]

Thanks for your opinion.

And Joey is a good duelist. It took him a while to get there. He's ranked #3 on Pegasus' top five favorite duelists.

The Robo-Tunes are robots with their personal theme decks. Robo-Taz uses Earth monsters and nothing but, Robo-Lola: Wind, Robo-Daffy: Water, Robo-Minerva: Fire and Robo-Marvin, the Thunder-Type since there is no Thunder Attribute except in Capsule Monsters.

[Dr. Cakey]

[spoiler='Growing Praise and Adulation Episode 5: Dethpicable']Duels against the Dark Signers I: Return of the Dark Signers.
I’ve broken my usual blind-review rule, since I’ve actually read the first two paragraphs and two other chapters, and I can say this is a somewhat inaccurate title. It implies the Dark Signers return to bring destruction and awesome storylines to the world, while in truth they serve as punching bags for…well, you’ll see.

On Mobius,
[b]Where?[/b]

in the year 3236, the Mavericks
[b]Who?[/b]

were learning how to Duel and the Robo-Tunes, robot clones of 5 cartoon characters,
[b]wtf?
[/b]
learned the best combos of their powers in only a matter of days.
[b]I acknowledge that Yu-Gi-Oh! is probably not as deep and complex as, say, chess or actual warfare, but in just a few days?[/b]

They figured in order to beat their better halves, they would need the powers of darkness to enhance their own.
[b]Everyone knows darkness < light. Even if you have the most broken monster in the game (let’s call it Wiraqocha Rasca, for example), you’re still going to lose out to some half-baked Synchro Monster (let’s say Savior Star Dragon).[/b]

Robo-Daffy found something interesting.

"The Dark Signers." said Robo-Daffy.
[b]He just found the Dark Signers lying around? Or did he find a convenient description of everything about them on his way home from mispronouncing “despicable”?[/b]

"Who they?" asked Robo-Taz.
[b]Indeed, who they? I’m pretty sure the Tasmanian Devil doesn’t actually talk (though my knowledge in this area is vastly inadequate), so it would stand to reason Robo-Taz either doesn’t talk or is the most intelligent of the Robo-[s]Toons[/s]Tunes.
[/b]
Robo-Marvin explained: "The Dark Signers were the leaders of the army of shadows and their key cards were known as the Earthbound Immortals.
[b]Gods. They are not the Earthbound Immortals. I don’t have a problem with most Konami of America-ication, especially for ease of reading, but is nothing sacred?[/b]

5000 years passed since their first battle and each Earthbound Immortal took possession of a human, willing or not.
[b][b]Actually, all the Dark Signers were willing…except Rudger, I guess. Granted, most of them were deceived.
[/b][/b]
Each of them suffered their defeat at the hands of a different signer."
[b]“A proper noun I can’t be bothered to capitalize.”[/b]

"Once we have their powers we can prove to be better than our organic selves," said Robo-Daffy. "And we will be the most powerful soldiers in master Omegus' army."
[b]Who?[/b]

"But how do we find them?" asked Robo-Minerva. "Where are they now?"

"They were resurrected in 7 humans. Only 5 were reincarnated but have no memory of ever being Dark Signers." explained Robo-Lola.
[b]wtf? If you want ridiculous, awful, stupid pseudo-crossover action, just time warp them or something.[/b]

"Then we remind them of who they were, beat them in duels and yank their powers right out of their bodies." Explained Robo-Marvin.
[b]I would mock this, but…well, I think it’s pretty obvious why not.[/b]

"We'll each take one. after the meet and greet."
[b]The drinking game took a brief hiatus from the nigh-immaculately written Shinzo 2.0, but go ahead and take a freaking sip.
[/b]
said Robo Daffy. "I'll take on Grieger. Robo-Taz can take Devack, Robo-Marvin will battle Kalin. And I think it'll be interesting to pit blonde against the raven-haired. Wouldn't you agree girls?"
[b]Definitely. That’s the sort of thing I think about when I decide who will duel whom.[/b]

"Fine." said Robo-Minerva "But I want to take on Misty."

"That means I'm stuck with Carly." said Robo-Lola.
[b]Hey! She’s my favorite Dark Signer after Godwin. I don’t even know what you’re supposed to be a copy of, but get back you monster![/b]

"Got a problem with that?" asked Robo-Daffy.

"No." said Robo-Lola.
[b]Now that’s sparkling dialogue right there.[/b]

"Then let's move out!" shouted Robo-Daffy.

With that, they head to the 5D's universe via a dimensional portal created by Cyber Peacock.
[b]wtf?[/b]

Devack was teaching at a university,
[b]I guess I’ll run with that.[/b]

but during his break, he was grabbed by a hand made of dirt and dragged under the surface of the Earth. Grieger was relaxing in his village, until a water gusher grabbed him and dragged him into a wormhole. Kalin was in Satisfactown
[b]Do you think calling it Satisfactown is clever or what?[/b]

but a thunderstorm came in and a hand made of lightning grabbed him. Misty was on a world tour but soon she was engulffed in flames.
[b]Where the hell did that second ‘f’ come from?[/b]

As she was burning, her molecules began to shift into another dimension. As for Carly Carmine, she was wondering why Jack hadn't picked up any of her calls. Then she was blown by the wind into a black hole.
[b]You seem to be confused as to exactly what a black hole actually is, but that’s completely secondary to the fact that you seem to be taking perverse pleasure in subliminally ensuring the CarlyXJack subplot is as unresolved as possible. That makes me HATE YOU.
…
Even more.[/b]

The five former dark signers were in a gigantic magic circle that reactivated trace samples of their powers. The white parts of their eyes turn black, their dark signs return, their clothes changed and thus, the Dark Signers were reborn.
[b]Rarely are people able to juggle different tenses in the same sentence. Congratulations.[/b]

However, there was something odd about the dimension they were in.
[b]You mean, like, the fact that they’re in a ‘dimension’ in the first place?[/b]

"Now that we have returned from the great beyond." said Dark Kalin "And Roman
[b][/wrists][/b]

appears to no longer be with us, I nominate myself as the new leader."

"What makes you qualified to be leader Kalin?" asked Devack.
[b]Like you have to ask:
1. Strongest Earthbound God in terms of ATK.
2. The laugh.
3. Infernities.
4. The laugh.
5. Dueled Yusei.
6. The laugh.[/b]

"Hold on." said Dark Misty. "Girls are just as capable of being leaders as guys are."
[b]See, by saying this, Astro Dude is actually subtly indicating his own misogyny. Isn’t that great?
[/b]
"That's right." said Dark Carly. "I think I would make a great leader."
[b]You would, but the auther hates you. Seriously though, it’s like you didn’t even watch the show. Dark Carly was probably the second-creepiest Dark Signer (Kiryu, needless to say, earns top spot).
[/b]

"I was talking about me!" exclaimed Dark Misty.
[b]Who knows what hilarity will ensue from this catfight???????[/b]

Then Devack, Kalin, Carly and Misty began to forge Duel desks out of the darkness and duel each other for leadership. Before it started however the forces of nature interviened.
[b]Yes, they interviened. It's like he spellchecked most of the story.[/b]

"Welcome to you doom!"exclaimed 5 mysterious voices.
[b]U Doom, Mordor’s state university. Wow, that joke sucks beyond belief.
I’ll take this opportunity to explain how to format quotes:

“When you have just one line,” do it like this.

“When you have two,” you can, “do it like this.”

When you have dialogue after some description.
“Always break the paragraph. Since there are no indents, you are of course going to want to double space between those paragraphs, even though I didn’t here.”
[/b]
Then the way they came in was also used for the transports to their own demise.
[b]Doesn’t this sentence just monumentally suck? Once you read it once or twice you get the meaning: the Dark Signers are warped out in the same fashion they were warped in. But still. Wow.

And that’s all. Dreadfully short, hm? The sad thing is that this probably isn’t as bad as Duel Academia or even Yu-Gi-Oh! Bound Through Blood, but I hate it more than both of them. Burn, Astro Dude. BURN![/b][/spoiler]

Astro Dude, this isn't Realistic Cards. No one's going to take a look at some nonsensical piece of awful and say "best story evar 11/10 kutgw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

AND A BRIEF LESSON IN FAN SERVICE:
1. Don't do it.
2. Make it make sense.
3. Don't do it.
4. Don't make it too obvious.
5. DON'T F***ING DO IT.

[evilfusion]

[quote name='Astro Dude' timestamp='1290911377' post='4814896']
Thanks for your opinion.

And Joey is a good duelist. It took him a while to get there. He's ranked #3 on Pegasus' top five favorite duelists.

The Robo-Tunes are robots with their personal theme decks. Robo-Taz uses Earth monsters and nothing but, Robo-Lola: Wind, Robo-Daffy: Water, Robo-Minerva: Fire and Robo-Marvin, the Thunder-Type since there is no Thunder Attribute except in Capsule Monsters.
[/quote]

Why do you keep saying "thanks for your opinion"? It's like you're choosing not to acknowledge my criticism and advice by acting like it is purely a matter of my OPINION, rather than learned from the decade or so of writing experience I have, at least five of those years focused on improving my writing.

I never said Joey wasn't a good duelist. I chose him as an example of a character who got mocked frequently for not being good, part of which was from Kaiba's ego. Although to be fair, Joey relied so much on chance half his victories could be considered invalid if you only consider skill (Based on skill, Kaiba's unquestionably #1).

I also didn't say anything about the Robo-Tunes' theme decks; I just told you not to include cards in a character's deck that has nothing to do with their theme or style.

[Astro Dude]

Dr. Cakey, do me a favor and look up the following terms: Mobus (Sonic universe), Mavericks (Mega Man Knowledge Base), Robo-Tunes (Deviantart, my profile is Pt018). And I LIKE THE CARLY CARMINE FANSERVICE! And Dark Carly the second creepiest Dark Signer? When I saw her open her eyes as a dark signer for the first time I was scared. I may still have nightmares about it.

[quote name='evilfusion' timestamp='1290921987' post='4815301']
Why do you keep saying "thanks for your opinion"? It's like you're choosing not to acknowledge my criticism and advice by acting like it is purely a matter of my OPINION, rather than learned from the decade or so of writing experience I have, at least five of those years focused on improving my writing.

I never said Joey wasn't a good duelist. I chose him as an example of a character who got mocked frequently for not being good, part of which was from Kaiba's ego. Although to be fair, Joey relied so much on chance half his victories could be considered invalid if you only consider skill (Based on skill, Kaiba's unquestionably #1).

I also didn't say anything about the Robo-Tunes' theme decks; I just told you not to include cards in a character's deck that has nothing to do with their theme or style.
[/quote]

I know its great advice, but this was my first try writing a fanfic here. Plus, all the time I put into turning the duel narration into dialogue really drained a lot of time. I even wrote fanfics on Deviantart and people really seemed to like them.

And thanks for your opinion on Joey, but Leo is an even worse duelist than he is. Cause out of all the duels Leo was in, he only won one on his own.

And are you refering to the fact that Misty was using the Gagagigo series of monsters? because if you are then it's because they're Reptile-types like Misty's Reptilianne monsters.

[Dr. Cakey]

You seem to be the one person in this world who doesn't know that fanservice is a bad thing.

And why would she use the Gigo-series when she has those perfectly serviceable Reptiliannes anyway? Did you look at her Tag Force deck or something? Not that a big deal should be made out of this, when there's EVERYTHING ELSE that needs to be addressed.

EDIT: It's sad that these crushing layers of hate only served to make this a hot topic.

[evilfusion]

[quote name='Astro Dude' timestamp='1290954954' post='4815798']
Dr. Cakey, do me a favor and look up the following terms: Mobus (Sonic universe), Mavericks (Mega Man Knowledge Base), Robo-Tunes (Deviantart, my profile is Pt018). And I LIKE THE CARLY CARMINE FANSERVICE! And Dark Carly the second creepiest Dark Signer? When I saw her open her eyes as a dark signer for the first time I was scared. I may still have nightmares about it.

[b]Crossover material should be made clear to readers, so that they don't get overly confused. We have no way of knowing where you're pulling these references. The fanservice is just poorly done, and it's better done with visual mediums, rather than writing. Yes, Dark Carly is the SECOND. She was creepy, but Kiryu trumped her by a mile, especially since his backstory flashbacks in his first duel against Yusei heavily implied he murdered someone.[/b]

I know its great advice, but this was my first try writing a fanfic here. Plus, all the time I put into turning the duel narration into dialogue really drained a lot of time. I even wrote fanfics on Deviantart and people really seemed to like them.

[b]And I respect this is your first real work. My first works probably sucked too, even if people liked them. Then again, it was good for my level of writing and compared to the majority of my peers. Take note that I'm hard on the work, not on you. What I don't like is that after I gave you advice and criticism, your response was implying that the advice isn't worth acknowledging because it's an opinion. Even if you didn't intend it as such, that's how it came across.[/b]

And thanks for your opinion on Joey, but Leo is an even worse duelist than he is. Cause out of all the duels Leo was in, he only won one on his own.

[b]"Thanks for my opinion"? How on earth do you...? Never mind. Leo being a bad duelist seems to be pretty close to a running gag, whereas Joey actually was a good player who got no respect, who just happened to have a gamble deck. That's why Joey is a better example.[/b]

And are you refering to the fact that Misty was using the Gagagigo series of monsters? because if you are then it's because they're Reptile-types like Misty's Reptilianne monsters.

[b]No, I think I was referencing the Raimei card in a Water deck, or the Cost Down/DD Capsule in everyone's deck. I'll admit I haven't gone back to re-read, so maybe you changed that.[/b]
[/quote]

[CrabHelmet]

[quote name='Astro Dude' timestamp='1290954954' post='4815798']
Dr. Cakey, do me a favor and look up the following terms: Mobus (Sonic universe), Mavericks (Mega Man Knowledge Base), Robo-Tunes (Deviantart, my profile is Pt018).
[/quote]
Oh, of course! This is obviously a Yu-Gi-Oh!/Sonic/Mega Man/Astro Dude's DeviantArt account crossover. Because that's so obvious. And because there's so much demand for that. How could I live without seeing Astro Dude's DeviantArt characters meet Sonic?

[quote name='Astro Dude' timestamp='1290954954' post='4815798']
And I LIKE THE CARLY CARMINE FANSERVICE!
[/quote]
I always read stories because the narrator claims its characters are hot. That's the first thing I look for when deciding what to read.

Not everyone is a 25-year-old hentai-addicted socially-retarded hikikomori like you.

[Astro Dude]

[quote name='Dr. Cakey' timestamp='1290956692' post='4815870']
You seem to be the one person in this world who doesn't know that fanservice is a bad thing.

And why would she use the Gigo-series when she has those perfectly serviceable Reptiliannes anyway? Did you look at her Tag Force deck or something? Not that a big deal should be made out of this, when there's EVERYTHING ELSE that needs to be addressed.

EDIT: It's sad that these crushing layers of hate only served to make this a hot topic.
[/quote]

Yes I did refer to Misty's Tag Force deck. Something wrong with that?

Crossover material should be made clear to readers, so that they don't get overly confused. We have no way of knowing where you're pulling these references. The fanservice is just poorly done, and it's better done with visual mediums, rather than writing. Yes, Dark Carly is the SECOND. She was creepy, but Kiryu trumped her by a mile, especially since his backstory flashbacks in his first duel against Yusei heavily implied he murdered someone.

Mobius is in the universe of Sonic the Hedgehog. I made a story that Dr. Robotnik teamed up with Dr. Wily, Sigma, Enerjak and the Doom Phantom to create the Dark Alliance. They used Wily's Robot Masters and Sigma's Mavericks to crush the freedom fighter rebellion. But the freedom fighters had an ace up, their sleeve: 6 adopted sons and one adopted older brother. They were Tiny Toons. To make a long story short, if you've seen "Cartoon Superstars against Drugs" you'll see that this will be the greatest crossover in the history of crossovers with characters maybe long forgotten.

And I stand corrected about Carly being the second creepiest Dark Signer.

I know its great advice, but this was my first try writing a fanfic here. Plus, all the time I put into turning the duel narration into dialogue really drained a lot of time. I even wrote fanfics on Deviantart and people really seemed to like them.

And I respect this is your first real work. My first works probably sucked too, even if people liked them. Then again, it was good for my level of writing and compared to the majority of my peers. Take note that I'm hard on the work, not on you. What I don't like is that after I gave you advice and criticism, your response was implying that the advice isn't worth acknowledging because it's an opinion. Even if you didn't intend it as such, that's how it came across.

Well, thanks. I did put a lot of effort into this story.

And thanks for your opinion on Joey, but Leo is an even worse duelist than he is. Cause out of all the duels Leo was in, he only won one on his own.

"Thanks for my opinion"? How on earth do you...? Never mind. Leo being a bad duelist seems to be pretty close to a running gag, whereas Joey actually was a good player who got no respect, who just happened to have a gamble deck. That's why Joey is a better example.

The opinion thing was about Joey being a good player.

And are you refering to the fact that Misty was using the Gagagigo series of monsters? because if you are then it's because they're Reptile-types like Misty's Reptilianne monsters.

No, I think I was referencing the Raimei card in a Water deck, or the Cost Down/DD Capsule in everyone's deck. I'll admit I haven't gone back to re-read, so maybe you changed that.

I did change a few things like the number of cards in the duelists hands weren't in innacurate numbers.

[quote name='Crab Helmet' timestamp='1291008187' post='4817938']
Oh, of course! This is obviously a Yu-Gi-Oh!/Sonic/Mega Man/Astro Dude's DeviantArt account crossover. Because that's so obvious. And because there's so much demand for that. How could I live without seeing Astro Dude's DeviantArt characters meet Sonic?

Sarcasm hurts you know. And the Robo-Tunes were based off five Looney Tunes characters. I believe I explained that to everyone. I just put them on Deviantart. If anyone wants to see pics of the Robo-Tunes I'll be glad to post them.

I always read stories because the narrator claims its characters are hot. That's the first thing I look for when deciding what to read.

Not everyone is a 25-year-old hentai-addicted socially-retarded hikikomori like you.

Given I am 25, but I am trying to control my Hentai addiction and I am going to try to find a girlfriend and get a job too. It's just now is not a good time. In April or May I'll begin my quest for the perfect girl for me. But I believe I told all of you about what I expect in a girl, and I'm going to get a job at Gamestop. I could alphabetically organize the games and I always follow this rule: The customer is always right. And what is a Hikkomori anyway?
[/quote]

I'm currently in the planning stage of another Fan-fic: Dark Mantis from Megaman X8 vs. Mindy from Yugioh GX. Mindy runs her Totally Hot Dude deck and Dark Mantis has a Dark Bug deck which combines insect types with Dark Attribute monsters. Dark Mantis also has a Parasite combo which includes Parasite Paraside, insect Barrier and Jade Insect Whistle, the purpose: to turn Mindy's hot dudes into ugly bugs, but Dark Mantis will soon realize that heck hath no fury greater than a girl whose dream guy(s) have been violated.

That's just a short summary. But I need to know what cards each duelist would have and what their strategies are. It was hard to try and find good Thunder-Type monsters for Robo-Marvin to use, since Thunder-Types are scarce and I didn't want to use the Watt monsters either.

Thanks for the advice evilfusion, it really helps.

[Astro Dude]

bump. OK Mods, this is getting nowhere so lock this bad boy up.