BLEACH: Fragments

[Umbra]

Coyote, you either didn't read the whole thing, or - even worse - decided not to care. Re-read the first post.

[Shadow Zero]

Umbra, was it your expectation that the release phrase be in japanese? I was just wondering is all.

[.Starrk]

[quote name='Umbra' timestamp='1290134703' post='4794746']
Coyote, you either didn't read the whole thing, or - even worse - decided not to care. Re-read the first post.
[/quote]


Updated.

[Umbra]

I probably should have stated that in the opening post; at least the Zanpakuto's name, preferably the release phrase as well. That's Japanese, not Wapanese. (a.k.a English words with Japanese syllables.) Look up the real translation.

Coyote, now your application is just overpowered (mastered swordsmanship & highly proficient in Kidou, mastering Hollowfication upon Bankai (which doesn't make sense, at all.)) and incomplete. (Lack of content in several places - if you'd read the expectations, you'd know where.) I'll give you one more chance before I [b]deny[/b] your application.

[.Starrk]

[quote name='Umbra' timestamp='1290137175' post='4794823']
I probably should have stated that in the opening post; at least the Zanpakuto's name, preferably the release phrase as well. That's Japanese, not Wapanese. (a.k.a English words with Japanese syllables.) Look up the real translation.

Coyote, now your application is just overpowered (mastered swordsmanship & highly proficient in Kidou, mastering Hollowfication upon Bankai (which doesn't make sense, at all.)) and incomplete. (Lack of content in several places - if you'd read the expectations, you'd know where.) I'll give you one more chance before I [b]deny[/b] your application.
[/quote]


Updated for the last time.

[Shadow Zero]

You better make darned sure before Umbra gets back on, cause if you fail this time...yeah.......

[Umbra]

Sorry. Application [b]denied.[/b] While you managed to balance it out pretty well, you're still falling to some of the basic faults. Comparing parts of your application to others (in this case, the mask), for instance. You, and future applicants, a word of advice: Take note of what I say to others, for it applies to you as well.

One spot open.

[Dad]

Umbra-dono. The first post requires an update to Shadow and Obelisks' player applications. They are still listed under "[u][b]reserved[/b][/u]".

[Umbra]

First post updated with proper information. Unless I'm forgetting someone, one spot still open.

[Dad]

The only thing you missed was closing the URL box for Obelisk, but other than that, it looks good. xD

[Shadow Zero]

*glances at watch and taps foot in true sonic fashion* I'm waitiiing! For someone else to join that is. I am going to canvas RP 820 to see if I can find someone else.

[Umbra]

I'll wait another [b]twelve[/b] hours. If we haven't gotten a Sixth Ranger after that, I'll just start the RP.

[Umbra]

And, we have now started! Link to the IC thread can be found in the first post.

[Signosis]

Whew! She was fun to create -- a bit...um, creepy? But I love her. xD

[b]Name:[/b][color="#008000"] Kuroyuri Zokugai [/color]

[b]Gender:[/b] Female

[b]Appearance:[/b] Kuroyuri stands 5’5”, looking to be eighteen, with long layered hair, the top layer black, the second lime green, and the third magenta. She has turquoise eyes, her left usually covered by black bangs. Pale skin contrasts to her gothic makeup and dark clothing, which is a black leather halter top that ends approximately at her ribs and ties in the back by one string, leather black pants that are cut on the sides from the top of the thigh to the bottom, covered with mesh. A belt on each leg ends the opening in the legs, and black combat boots finish the look. She wears a large spiked collar, mesh gloves, and clawed rubber gloves over the mesh, a spike wristband on her right wrist. A black “pack” is on her bare back, usually covered by her hair, intricate designs drawn on it with magenta, turquoise, and lime green.
Her pack: A mechanical device that's bonded to her spine, she created it to help her with her projects and tinkering. Four robotic arms help her with her needs, sometimes helping her along with walking. She keeps healing and regenerating serums, smoke and flash bombs, and throwing knives.

[b]Personality:[/b] Kuroyuri is usually quiet and anti-social, since all she ever does is listen to her music, but she’s also calculative and will voice her opinion when she feels like it -- other than that, her facial expression never changes; it’s almost always bored. Slightly egotistical when it comes to certain topics, but overall, she loves being alone and working alone, with her own little projects. Other than that...she loves sweets.

[b]Biography:[/b] Born in poverty in Rukongai, she learned that knowledge is power, and when used correctly, it was rewarding. At an early age, she tinkered with things and soon was making devices to make her life easier -- an easy thing to do, since no one was around to tell her what to do and what not to do. Her mother died giving birth to her, and her father soon after, from heartache.
A higher-up soon caught wind of a girl making devices and selling them for money so she could eat, and soon she was taken under his wing. Little did she know the man was one of the Twelve Court Guards, Mayuri Kurotsuchi, but she didn’t care, just as long as she got to tinker and create to her heart’s content.
He enrolled her into the academy, where her sadistic nature unleashed. But she passed with flying colors, excluding the teacher’s complaints about her not talking. Kurotsuchi accepted her in his division, and she was sent to defeat Black Reaper on his orders.

[b]Shikai Name & Release Phrase[/b] “Omoikiru, Harakiri.” (Despair, Suicide)

[b]Shikai Appearance[/b] Her blade looks like any other normal blade until she stabs herself and it enters her body -- scythes then meld out of her arms, each two feet.

[b]Shikai Abilities[/b] Other than her two scythe arm attachments, a blade lashes out of her body whenever she makes contact with skin (For example, she elbows an enemy -- the blade protrudes, stabs the enemy, and retracts). Unfortunately, she loses blood from the wounds Harakiri causes, so she may faint from blood loss, or possibly die.

[b]Bankai Name[/b] Zansatsu Harakiri (Slaughter Suicide)

[b]Bankai Appearance[/b] Sharp needles protrude from every surface of her skin, excluding joints, her neck, ears, feet, and heart.

[b]Bankai Abilities[/b] If she successfully makes contact with her opponent, the needles lodge themselves within the enemy’s skin and secrete a hallucination toxin that messes with the enemy’s sight first, distorting it, then their hearing, making it seem like there’s a hundred people whispering, talking, shouting at once; and finally the mind, where the toxin feeds off of. The enemy becomes a vegetable in less than an hour, two day at the most.

[b]Hollow Mask Appearance[/b] Kuroyuri rakes her left hand down first, over her head, to bring the top of it down -- the top half of her mask is eye sockets that are threaded shut with wire. Her right hand rakes up her face, bringing up the bottom half, which is a threaded shut mouth -- blood drips from the corners of it. As her hand continues its way up, the eye sockets open, stretching the wires; white irises peer out from the darkness of the mask as blood slowly makes its way down from the corners of the sockets. A crown of thorns finish off the top of mask, but as she continues to rake her hand back, her hair is replaced with small chains, which she usually tucks in her collar -- a large chain finishes off the small chains, a blade at then end of it. And last but not least, a pentagram sketches itself between the eye sockets, made from her blood. The pentagram fades as her power ebbs away, and the mask crumbles as soon as its gone.


I plan on posting up a drawing of Kuroyuri sometime this weekend, so she'll be on my deviantart if you want to see her. Drew her today...and included Gir. xD And if you're not happy with her Biography, I've got another if you don't like the one I currently have.

[Blake]

Sorry about inactivity, but family is visiting. Just carry on without me until Monday.

[Umbra]

Signosis, I am NOT a fan of the name. Doesn't sound appropriate. (i.e., it doesn't sound Japanese, and you don't give much of a reason why it doesn't.) Other than that, I love the character.

[Signosis]

[quote name='Umbra' timestamp='1290799982' post='4811436']
Signosis, I am NOT a fan of the name. Doesn't sound appropriate. (i.e., it doesn't sound Japanese, and you don't give much of a reason why it doesn't.) Other than that, I love the character.
[/quote]
Haha, I didn't think you would. xD I'll go and change it...Wait, you were okay with the biography? o.O

[Umbra]

T'is on the shorter side, but it's acceptable.

[Signosis]

Uwwwwww, yay! Her name is changed. ^^

[Umbra]

[quote name='Signosis' timestamp='1290801433' post='4811516']
Uwwwwww, yay! Her name is changed. ^^
[/quote]

And now, be consistent in your changes. I want to make sure you'll actually be able to stick to the new name. (In other words, change the name in the REST of your application as well.)

[Signosis]

[quote name='Umbra' timestamp='1290802203' post='4811572']
And now, be consistent in your changes. I want to make sure you'll actually be able to stick to the new name. (In other words, change the name in the REST of your application as well.)
[/quote]
Oops. XD Sorry, I was looking up names and kind of forgot the rest. Sowwy. ><; Changing it nao!

Edit: DONE! XD

[Mugendramon]

Would there be an open spot for me?[img]http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/public/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif[/img]

[spoiler=I personally consider this a long App. A personal Achievement !][b]Name:[/b] [color="#9ACD32"]Deizua Hirokaze[/color]
[b]Gender:[/b] Male
[b]Appearance:[/b] Deizua is a really tall Shinigami, measuring around 2 Meters, scarily thin; often feared because of it. He tends to bend his head over when speaking to someone, he will bend his head over and look at that person from above, as if he were an upside-down 'J'. His hair is long, curled, and black. His Shihakushō is completely black, and any white is instead replaced by black. His dark-brown eyes constantly stare into void, his attention span being quite short. He carries his Zanpakuto in a Samurai fashion, sheathed to a side of his waist. When unsheathed, one can see the blade is a non-shiny black. Upon closer inspection,the tip of the sword is actually not sharp, but is instead replaced by a snake head. This turns Deizua's Zanpakuto quite useless when it comes to stabbing.
[b]Personality:[/b] Deizua is a self-conflictive and depressive person. His life has scarred him repeatedly, and now he looks at life, people, and duty in a gloomy way. As far as anyone knows, Deizua is hiding madness within a layer of darkness. This is the reason nobody actually wants to get close to him... and the fact that a rumor runs that his Zanpakuto can [i]bite.[/i] He will not share a word unless of utmost importance. He however, tends to look at Lieutenant Nanao with different eyes. He spends most of his time discussing with his Zanpakuto, Hebidansu. If disturbed, he'll attack anyone responsible before even opening his eyes.
[b]Biography:[/b] Deizua has lived a troublesome childhood indeed. He was born in a Noble House in Soul Society. But not four days after his birth, he was stolen from his house. His parents didn't even care, and went on with their lives. The newborn, however, face a very different future.
Seeing that his family asked for no reward at all, his captors (which happened to be a couple), decided to adopt him. He grew up in Rukongai, danger in every alley. His adoptive parents died in front of his eyes, and was spared with such horrible words: "Let him live. Living without parents is even worse than death itself." Ever since that moment, Deizua turned into the shadowy, antisocial person he always was. Just when he decided it was time to end his miserable life, a man carrying a pink-haired child on his shoulder cut the rope he was about to hang of. As Deizua dropped to the floor, crying; the stranger looked at him with a stare which seemed to mix anger and contempt, and yelled, pointing his sword at Deizua "Listen up, kid! One day, you will die in my hands. Be sure to be strong by the time I decide to do so!" With that, he turned around, and disappeared as unseen as he had first come in. As he stood up, he felt a bit in his chest. Upon pressing his hand in there, he noticed something hard and metallic. He grabbed it, and it hissed. Curious, Deizua propped it out. He was astonished to see that he had drawn a Zanpakuto from his chest. It was sheathed, but both the sheath and the blade itself had snake heads for tips.

After wandering for several years, training physically and mentally, he stumbled across Seireitei. He enrolled in the Shinigami Academy, and graduated from the six-year course, having gained the label of 'antisocial'. The only person who actually befriended Deizua was a red-haired guy, Renji Abarai. He was the one to request Byakuya Kuchiki, the Captain of the 6th Squad, to recruit him as their 3rd Seat. It took him not very long to achieve Kuchiki's respect as to get to the 3rd Seat. He constantly fights Renji for the fun of it, intending to achieve his Bankai. He has found no success yet. Right now, he observes with silently furious eyes at the man who frustrated his suicidal attempt, and who now and then sticks his tongue out while staring at someone. He is still carrying the infant, who Deizua now recognizes as Yachiru.

But now, a man appears. No one knows where he came from, but Deizua is sure that this person is up to no good.

[b]Shikai Name & Release Phrase[/b] Nejire, Hebimai (Twist, Serpent's Dance.)
[b]Shikai Appearance[/b]As Deizua calls the release command, he hands his sword to his left. Then, slides a finger through the blade, starting from the snake head, as it splits like a zipper. When his finger hits the hilt the two halves of the blade will glow in a Dark Violet and will start to overlap until rejoining the snake head on the tip. When the glow stops, both pieces are now two-edged overlapped blades. The snake head at the tip can spit out snakes which will dissolve after biting or being cut. The bite is paralyzing, but is only local and will fade within some minutes.
[b]Shikai Abilities[/b][u]Danrio:[/u] Both the hilt and blades separate into whips, each with half of the snake head. The wounds are poisonous. The poison consists of an odd neurotoxin. When the whip cuts through flesh, a snake-shaped tatto will appear to come out of the wound. Each time a wound is inflicted after the first, the serpent will creep a bit from where it came towards the back of the victim's head. When it reaches its destination; it bites, and the target drops unconscious. This is rendered useless if the objective's Reiatsu overpowers the wielder's.

[b]Bankai Name[/b] Komiya no Hebimai (Forbidden Serpent's Dance)
[b]Bankai Appearance[/b]As Deizua calls 'Bankai', he places the snake head on his hand. It will bite Deizua's hand. The blades unhatch from the hilt and run through his arms as violet streams of light and dissappear into the floor. Seconds later, two enormous black snakes emerge from the ground below him. These huge serpents can release thousands of the small snakes released in Shikai. [b](Don't worry, I won't Godmod with this.)[/b]
[b]Bankai Abilities[/b]
[u]-Kamagi[/u]: One of the snakes takes the form of a sealed Hebidansu and can go Shikai. It cannot use Danrio, but uses its poison as if in use. Due to the sword being a Reiatsu copy, it is as heavy as the original, but holds the strength of its current size.

[u]-Sane[/u]: One of the snakes opens its mouth and the rest of the body opens with it. This forms a wing which Deizua uses to fly as a defensive means.

[u]-Haziga[/u]: Both snakes bite eachother and explode, suppressing any reiatsu from anybody caught in the blast for over an hour, including the wielder of the Zanpakuto. After performing this ability, the Zanpakuto goes back to sealed form and cannot go Shikai until the effect fades.

(Note: Only one of these powers can be used each time Deizua activates Bankai.)

[b]Hollow Mask Appearance[/b] Hafuki's mask consists of a Black striped pattern. Around the place where the mouth should be, a design similar to an open jaw, with fangs popping up and down, is colored in white. The holes for his eyes are cut neatly to perfectly fit his eyes. With his mask on, his hollowified eyes become green.[/spoiler]

I hope you likez it.

[Umbra]

Heck, screw the six-position limit; I'll up it to eight! Rinne / Airspace has shown interest in partaking as well, so the eighth spot will be reserved for him. To the three of you who are late; I will contact you once all apps are in. We will work on your entrance; until then, you may not post in the IC thread.

Signosis, accepted.

BlindMonkey, I've got a few issues. First off, "stereotypical Emo" throws me off - not a good start. Again, you're comparing your character with existing personas, which is not only bland, but in this case also gives off an image that I don't think you intended.

Secondly, you cannot surpass Renji. Maybe in actual combat abilities you're stronger than him, but Byakuya has a good reason for making him his lieutenant and won't throw that position away to just anyone.

The rest is fine, though.

[Signosis]

[quote name='Umbra' timestamp='1290834924' post='4812752']
Heck, screw the six-position limit; I'll up it to eight! Rinne / Airspace has shown interest in partaking as well, so the eighth spot will be reserved for him. To the three of you who are late; I will contact you once all apps are in. We will work on your entrance; until then, you may not post in the IC thread.

Signosis, accepted.

BlindMonkey, I've got a few issues. First off, "stereotypical Emo" throws me off - not a good start. Again, you're comparing your character with existing personas, which is not only bland, but in this case also gives off an image that I don't think you intended.

Secondly, you cannot surpass Renji. Maybe in actual combat abilities you're stronger than him, but Byakuya has a good reason for making him his lieutenant and won't throw that position away to just anyone.

The rest is fine, though.
[/quote]

Yaaay! Thank you! I'll...attempt to wait patiently. XD

Edit: Here's a pic of Ro-- er, Kuroyuri. xD http://xxxcookiesxxx.deviantart.com/#/d33q0bk

[Mugendramon]

[quote name='Umbra' timestamp='1290834924' post='4812752']
BlindMonkey, I've got a few issues. First off, "stereotypical Emo" throws me off - not a good start. Again, you're comparing your character with existing personas, which is not only bland, but in this case also gives off an image that I don't think you intended.

Secondly, you cannot surpass Renji. Maybe in actual combat abilities you're stronger than him, but Byakuya has a good reason for making him his lieutenant and won't throw that position away to just anyone.

The rest is fine, though.
[/quote]

Okay. Working on improvements.

EDIT: There, please see if it's better.