Lady_Killer Posted November 6, 2010 Report Share Posted November 6, 2010 I own none of the Characters except my own creations. All unoriginal characters belong to Nick. Now, When i was growing up i fell in love with the show Danny Phantom like most kids. So im going to write you how the show should have ended. [spoiler=prolouge] All around, doors floated as if immune to gravity. The back ground was green and swirled and beings floated and flied between the door leading them to other dimesions. This was the Ghost Zone, A world of Ghosts and Undead beings; However in this place, in the farthest corners of the Ghost Zone, lied a portal that excaped time, the portal to the relm of Clockworth and the Observerse, and the Location of Dan Phantom. The Box Ghost, A relativly unimpressive ghost who looked like a warehouse man, wandered in to the Untimed Relm. "BEWARE," he said as he entered the relm. The box ghost cocked his head to the side with the sight of nobody being there. He let himself look around and finally found a cylindrical object, know to the Ghosts as the Fentom Termus. The Box Ghost, went over to it and picked it up. It had dents in it pointing out, as if a being was inside trying to get out. "Don't touch that you fool." One of the Observeres, a green Octopus like ghost with one eye, said to him. The Box Ghost fumbled the Thermus before turning around and aiming the capped Thermus at him. "Please, Put that down." The Observer said to him again, "Please, you know not what that contains" The Observer started to reach for the Thermus, but The Box Ghost panicked and uncapped the Thermus and aimed it at him. "NO, YOU FOOL." But it was too late, The Fentom Thermus began to shake and lerch before exploding into a million pieces revealing the hansome but imtimidating, Dan Phantom. A tall and Gastly figure, well built on the body with hair as if on fire. Dan Phantom walked towards The Box Ghost, his Cape blowing in the Tensed Air. He stopped before The Box Ghost and Laughed. "So, you are the one who Let me out of that accursed prision," He said. The Box Ghost mearly nodded and quivered before the All powerful Ghost, Dan Phantom just laughed again. "Then I must thank you." Dan Phantom aimed his hand at The Box Ghost as a sphere of Plasma formed in his hand. The Observer, Seeing the violence about to unfold, turned tail and ran form the Relm, looking for the ones Know as Danny and Dani Phantom. "Good bye," He said fireing a beam of plasma through the head of The Box Ghost. Dan Phantom laughed as he watched the body of The Box Ghost wither and worm before returning to Ectoplasm. "Now, To find Clocksworth." Dan Phantom Flew off in to the Timeless Relm, Knowing exactly where to find the one he searched for. It didn't take him long to find Clocksworth standing and floating in frount of the Observation Mirrors. Clocksworth turned and looked at Dan. "I knew this day would come, and i will not resist." Clocksworth said. Dan Phantom snickered and he flew over and overshadowed the body of Clocksworth. Being that they were both Ghost, the bodies melded with one another to form a more powerful ghost, One who was perfect and now beyond time.[/spoiler] [Spoiler=Chapter 1, Enter the Ghosts] Danny Fenton, a typical 14 year old teenager, was sitting in his class room listening to his boring teacher, Mr. Lancer. "And that children is how is how you write a proper essay." Mr. Lancter said, Danny's head began to nod from lack of sleep from the night before. Before He knew it, Danny's head hit the desk with a loud, THUMP! Danny lurched up and stood up from his desk. "I didn't do it, I swear" He looked around in Embarressment before sitting down. "Smooth one, dude." His friend Tucker Folly wispered to him. Tucker was a Techno Geek, and Danny's Best friend since. . . Ever. Tucker laughed. "Thanks a lot. You could have at least tryed to keep me awake before i make a fool of my self." Danny wispered back to him. Danny's Ghost sense went off. A blue vapor escaped from his mouth telling him that a ghost was in the vacinity. As if on cue to help him get out of class, a green octopus like ghost with one eye materialized throught the wall through intangability. Everyone in the class room left the room in a state of panic, except Danny and Tucker. They were use to this kind of thing. "Is the coast clear, Tucker?" Danny asked "Yah dude, Do your thing." Tucker responded "Ok then, I'm going Ghost." An with those words, a blue ring of energy surrounded Danny moving up and down his body, changing his clothing from t-shirt and jean into a black and white jump suit and turning him in the infamous, Danny Phantom. "Ok ghost, You can leave now or I'm going to have to kick the snot out of you." Danny said. "I'm not here to fight Danny Phantom. I'm here for your help," The ghost said to him. Danny looked at him puzzled."I am an Observer of Time. The one you know as Clocksworth is our emmisary, and both of our world are in dire trouble." Danny looked at him, still puzzled and asked. "How are our worlds in trouble?" The Observer closed his eye and bowed his head. "Dan Phantom, your alter future self has been freed. He is angery for his imprisonment, and now is going to destroy the worlds. We need you and your Clone Danielle's Help, you are our last hope." Danny smirked and changed back into his human self. "Please, I defeated him once before and i can do it again." Danny said. The Observer drew closer to him. "You do not understand young one. He has melded himself with Clockworth, and although he cannot trans-verse times yet, he is now beyond time itself. He is now Perfect." The last comment made, made Danny shutter but he still had no fear. "I'll Leave you to think young one, for i must go find your other self; However, you must remember this, the fate of both world and all Dimensions are now on your shoulders. Farewell." With that, The Observer forced his body intangable and left the boys alone. Tucker walked over to Danny, "What are you going to do, dude?" Danny walked out of the room with Tucker following, Thinking of his course of action. "First things first, We need to get Sam and go to the Ghost zone. Maybe there we can get some answers." The Two quickly grabbed Samantha Manson, A Goth Girl with short black hair, a black shirt and black and purple skirt with a pair of Combat boots. She was also Danny's girlfriend. The Trio quickly ran to Danny's house and ran down stairs to Danny's basement, a lab full of Ghost exparimenting equipment, to find the Ghost portal new and operational. Next to the portal was the Specter Speeder, a Vehicle built by Mr. and Mrs. Fenton to tansverse the Ghost Zone. The trio quickly hopped onboard and started the ship before flying off into the Ghost Portal. "Now to find out whats going on." Danny Said.[/spoiler] [spoiler=Chapter 2, Choices] Dani, A twelve year old girl, walked down the halls of her new school, Archville Junior High, with her two best friends Kurt Hughs and Anthony Ves. Kurt was a very tall and remarkable hansom 13 year old boy whom she had a major crush on. He was a skater boy but didn't wear the typical Skaterboy clothes, Instead he wore a blue hoodie like her and had on a pair of jeans. Anthony, on the other hand, was a Tech Kid able to built something out of anything. He wore a Green T-shirt and a pair of jean shorts, on his head he wore a red baseball cape. As the Trio walked down the hall, They were stopped by an invsable force and pushed into the Janitor's Closet. "Danielle, Your assistance is needed to save the word." With those words The Observer appeared, floating in mid-air. A Blue ring Quickly surrounded Dani as her red short,red beanni, and blue hoodie transformed into a pair of sleek black and white pants and a black and white long sleeve shirt, ending in a pair of gloves of the same opposing colors. Her long hair, turned from jet black in to a white of the purest snow and her eyes glowed and unliving neon green. Dani lunged at the Octopus like ghost, punching it in its one eye. Kurt and Anthony stood and watch in amazement. "Please, Cease this violence. I'm not here to fight but to warn." The Observer said to her. Dani let off the Ghost and looked at im in distrust. "Go on." She said to him. " I shall make this quick for his power grows stronger with each passing moment." The Observer said, taking a long breath. "Dan Phantom, The alter Futureself of Danny Phantom, Has escaped his imprisonment. He has melded his own self with that of Clocksworth, The Time keeper. He is now a perfect being, a Fusion of Danny Phantom, Vlad Plasmias, and Clocksworth. It is up to you and your other self, Danny Phantom to Defeat this all powerful being." Dani floated in the air, Amazed at what she had hear. Although she had never met Clocksworth, or heard of him for that matter, She knew Vlad and Danny. She knew how powerful they were and she didn't want to imagin them together. "I'm just a twelve year old girl. A clone of Danny Phantom, How can i defeat something like that." She said to the ghost. The Observer floated around her, as if studying her. "You have a dormant power within you, the Same as Danny. You must figure out how to use it. Now i must go, The fate of both world is in your hands." With that, the ghost dissapeared without a trace. Dani flew through the wall and unlocked the door, letting Anthony and Kurt out. With a loud, THUMP, Anthony and Kurt hit the floor. They quickly dusted themselves off as Dani changed back into her human form. "Well, What are you going to do, Dani?" Anthony said to her. Dani landed on the floor and looked at him. "I don't know, all i do know is that we need to find Danny. He'll have the answers." She responded. The two boys looked at each other and looked back at her. "How are we going to get across the country?" Kurt asked her. Anthony looked at him and laughed. "Man, I can relieve that problem. What I'm concered about is how were going to get out of class with out the teachers knowing?" Anthony said to them. Dani looked at both of them and smilled. The two of them look at each other with terror on their faces and gulped. The school Nurse looked at the two boys, and Sighed. "How can you both be sick?" She looked over at Dani "Thank you for bringing them down. You can go back to class now." Dani nodded and walked off. Kurt and Anthony groned from the pain. "OK boys. Go ahead and go home and get some rest." The nurse said. They nodded and walked out of the Nurse's office. As they walked outside of the school, two Dani Phantomes appeared behind them, before merging back into one girl. Anthony and Kurt looked at her in anger. "WAS THAT NEEDED?" They yelled at her at the same time. She smilled and nodded. "You out of school arn't you? Now lets get going." She responed. They shrugged and hurried home, eager to get to Danny. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Chapter 3, Answers] Dan Phantom sat on his new throne, a mighty chair of onyx in what was Clockworth's observation room, looking though the observation mirror,admiring the attempt of the stray observer. He laughed and waved his hand. There, In the path of his hand, formed two portals, summoning forth two different ghosts. One was a greenish, blackish, reanimated skeleton the other an older ghostly gypsy woman. "Go forth my minions. Test the Phantoms." The two ghosts smiled and bowed to there master before backing out of the room quickly. Danny, Sam, and Tucker quickly speed through the Ghost Zone looking for a perticular Ghost, a ghost know as Desiree. Danny got up and started pasing. "Chill out, Danny." Sam said. Danny looked at her with concern on his face. "I can't Sam. I'm just a little anxious, that all." She turned back around and looked and the radar. I was beeping all over the place; however, it didn't concern them. Before long the radar began giving of a different signature. "I found her, Danny." Tucker said.Danny grinned as the famillier blue ring surrounded him and turned him into Danny Phantom. He quickly phased through the walls of the Specter Speeder and headed for the Ghost. Desiree turned around and looked at Danny coming toward him, revealing her Djinn like body. She was strikingly beautiful, dispite the common ghostly green skin. She had long black hair that covered one eye. Her clothing was like that of a belly dancer except the ghostly tail that was her legs. "Danny, What wish do you have today." She said with a grin. Danny stopped a few feet before her, prepared for any 'funny business' he called it. She mearly wave her and as if he wa a long lost friend. "I need you to answer some questions." Danny responed to her. She floated over to the Specter Speeder, looking through the Glass that seperated her from Sam and Tucker. "I know not the answers to you questions, Danny Phantom." She said turning back to him. Danny smiled and responed to her remark. "That's why i came you first. I wish you knew Everything." She similed at the thought of the new found power. "So you have wished it, So it Shall be." She said, waving her hand in the air. A cloud of gas surrounded her activating the power of her magic. Several Seconds passed before the cloud began to dissipate, revealing a newer, more mental, Desiree. She laughed at the new power, the power of knowledge. Danny grinned himself before making his second wish. "Now i wish for the answers to my questions. Is Dark Me back? And has he fused with Clockworth?" Desiree Snared at him before muttering her incantation again. "Yes, Dan Phantom, Has returned. His body now one with Clockworth." Danny cursed under his breath. He asked his second question. "How do i Defeat Him?" "You control a latent power. Both you and The one know as Dani Phantom have this ability. That is how you will defeat him." Again Danny cursed under his breath, The answer wasn't what he was looking for. "What is this power i harbor?" Desiree smiled. "I cannot answer any more. If you want real answers, Then you must go the the Relm of Truth and find the one know as Fortune. She will answer your questions." Danny was stricked at the answer, but he now knew what he need to know. Desiree began to fly away before Danny stopped her. She turned and looked at him. Danny held up one finger and made his last statement. "One last wish, Desiree. I wish you would forget everything except your being." Desiree's face twisted at Danny's wish. "No, I will never grant a wish like that." As hard as she tried, she could back her statement up. He arm began to move involintarally and her voice repeated her incantation against her will. She was quickly swallowed by the cloud of magic and as suddenly released, knowing only who she was. Danny flew toward the Specter Speeder and Phased throught the wall again entering the control room. "Alright Tucker, Make a course for the Relm of Truth." __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Dani and Kurt sat in Anthony's Living room, a small room consisting of only a couch and a T.v., listening to the sounds coming out of the garage. Kurt shifted his seat, seamingly towards her. She blushed and got up from the couch. Trying to excape the moment, she headed to the garage door to see what Anthony was up to. As she opened it, she beheld his family's Mini Van, converted into a private jet. Dani's jaw dropped when she saw the "Mini Plane." " How did you do this?" Dani said in amazement. Anthony smiled before responding. "The Mini Van, A few tools and a Jumbo Jet engine. Put them together and you get this." Dani Face-palmed herself, as she mumbled under her breath. "Well, Lets go." Anthony said. She looked at him and nodded. Anthony looked throught the window of the mini van. He pulled down a speaker and spoke into it. "Buckle up. It's going to be a bumpy take off." Dany and Kurt sat down and buckled up. Anthony started the Mini Plane and started to take off. Before long they were in the air. Anthony pulled the speaker back down. "We are now in the air. You are free to move about the Mini Van." Both Dani and Kurt face-palmed themselves, before unbuckling themselves and moving up to the front. "Ok, so we're heading to Amity Park right?" Anthony asked. Dani nodded at him, confirming their destination. "Ok, we got Three hours. We have a few movies to chose from, so sit back and enjoy your flight." Again the other two face-palmed themselves. "What do you think you are a Plane Pilot. . . Don't answer that." Dani said. "I'll be in the back." Dani moved to the back of the Van and sat down, Pulling up the portable DVD player. Kurt sat down next to her, and drew close, trying to make a move. Dani pushed him off, "Don't try it." She said to him. He sat up straight next to her, now trying not to do any funny bussiness. "That's what i thought." She said. Two Hours passed before any thing eventful finally happened. Anthony spotted a rough patch of air in the sky and pulled down the speaker. "Buckle up you two. It's about to get bumpy." The Two buckled up right before the Mini Plane began to violently shake. "Wow, this is bumpy." Dani said, Speaking the Obvious. After the rough patch, Anthony came on the speaker. "Dani, you might want to get up here. We seem to have something on the windshield." A face of question appeared on her face as she unbuckled her seat belt and moved to the front. There on the windshield as a couple of bones. "Do you have any idea what it is? You are the Ghost Girl." Anthony asked. "I have no clue what it is." She Responded. As quick as she said those words the bones phased throught the window and reformed in the front. There, Standing before her, Was a greenish, blackish, reanimated skeleton. He looked at her, with a red glow in the eyes. His jaw moved up and down and some how formed words that sounded demonic to the ears. "DANI PHANTOM MUST DIE." It said. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ "There it is, Tucker." Sami said pointing to a portal in the ghosly void. Tucker adjusted his position and aimed for the newly found portal. As the Trio entered the portal, they felt a sudden shift in the gravity, as if they were in space. Danny and Sam, who were unbuckled, began to float around. Tucker pushed a button on the control panal and initiated a Gravity field around the Speeder, causing Danny and Sam to hit the ground face first. Tucker turned and laughed. Several Minutes passed before anything came into view; eventually, a tent came in view. Questionably, the team headed for the tent. As they landed, Danny changed forms to allow him into the Ghost zone. "Stay here. I'll be right back." He said. The other two nodded and sat back, relaxing. Danny sighed and flew through the wall and into the tent. As he entered, he heard some shuffling in the back ground. "Anybody here?" He asked. An older, gypsy woman emerged from the back. "Greetings, Danny Phantom. I was expecting you." She said, sitting down at a table at the center of the room. "You must be Fortune! How did you know I was coming?" He asked. She laughed in an elderly kind of laugh, Friendly, yet unsettling. She motioned him to come forward. "I can see the future, I have know your dilema since before you were born. Come, have a seat." Danny moved forward and had a seat. As he sat, he looked at the table and found some cards. "Would you like a reading of your future?" She asked him. He shook his head. "Why not? Finding your future will answer your questions." Danny shuttered in suprise. "Really. . . I guess I can, but only if it answers my questions." He responed. Fortune smilled and began to flip the cards one by one. Fortune's Eyes turned white as snow as she began to speak, but in a voice not her own. " You have had a very trobled past. Keeping your secret, hiding your love, fighting your enemies. Remember these things, for they are a weakness in your heart. Don't let them rule your actions." She moved to the second card, and flipped it. "You present is one of questions. You worry for the sake of your loved ones, your friends and your future. You are afraid, yet you are scared to admit it. Forget your fears for they make you weak and Remember your loved ones for they make you strong." Fortune move on to the third and final card. As she flipped it, Two cards appeared above and below it. "Ah, you have a choice in your future. On one hand, the future will come out with the world save; however, you will not see it." "On the other hand, The world will come under the control of a of a Dark Monarch, calling himself 'Dark,' You know him as Dan Phantom. On the upside, you will come out alive. The choice is yours; however, weather you live or not decides the fate of the world." Color returned to her eyes, as she looked at him. Danny looked at his own hands, wondering what to do. He sat several minutes before finally coming to an answer. "I will end my life to save the world. If I die, then Dan Phantom will die as well." Fortune Smilled and laughed. Danny looked at her at her and questioned himself under his breath.. "Wait, Dan Phantom exists beyond time now. How would my death save the world?" Danny gasped. "You work for Dan!" She grinned and looked at him. "Very smart, Phantom; However, if you won't end your own life, then I'll end it." A sphere of plasma formed in her hands. Danny jumped out of the way before the beam hit him. She teleported in front of him and hammered Him with her fists. Danny fell back onto the ground of the tent. Fortune stood over him, Her eyes again as white as snow. "DANNY PHANTOM MUST DIE!" She yelled, swinging her fist at his face. Danny phased through the floor and materialized behind her, causing her fist to strike the floor. Danny punched Fortune in the back of the head, sending her flying beyond the tent. She flew up and held up a Bright green disk. "Enough games, Danny Phantom. I end this now." As she said these words, a dragonic-like Ghost appeared from the disk. "Get him my pet. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Dani quickly changed forms and tackled the Skeleton ghost, phasing them through the Mini Plane. The two of them looked at each other for a short while, while the Mini Plane disappeared quickly into the distance. After the stare down, the Skeleton charged a plasma ball and shot a beam at Dani. Dani moved out of the way, responding with her own plasma beam. Dani's beam struck the Skeleton Ghost in the rib cage, causing him break apart into individual bones. "Wow, he wasn't hard." Dani said to herself. Dani turned around and began flying towards the Mini Plane. As she turned, a bony hand grabbed her shoulder. She turned back around to see a familiar face. The skeleton ghost had reassembled himself, ready to contiue his fight with Dani. He swung his bony fist at Dani, hitting her in the face. Dani fell back from the attack, quickly recovering and responding with another plasma beam, this time missing its mark. The skeleton ghost stood in midair for a second, before his body began to glow. Dani watched in amazement as the skeleton split into two individual bodies. The skeletons flew forward and punched Dani. Again Dani fell backwards. Before she could recover, the Skeletons charged and fired plasma beams at her, hitting her in the back. Dani screamed and began to loose altitude. Dani recovered from the volley of attacks and regained her altitude. "These guys are tough." She said to herself. She flew at the two skeletons attempting to punch them. In response, They turned intangable, causing her to pass right through them. They turned around and fired another set of plasma beams. Dani turned and dodged them, returning fire and blasting the skeletons, shattering them into indevidual bones. She watched as the bones reassembled before her eyes and divided again. She looked at the four skeletons, trying to figure out how to defeat them. "Lets try the Spirit Burst." She said. She drew her hands to her side and formed to balls of ectoplasm. She placed her hands infront of her, side by side, merging the two balls of Ectoplasm into one ball of plasma. She released the ball, sending it flying at the skeletons. With one move of her hand the ball exploded, again shatering the skeletons. "Strike!" she yelled enthusiastically. Her victory was short lived as, once again, the skeletons reassembled and divided, making eight. Each of them held up a hand and fired a plasma beam at her, connecting with her body. The skeletons laughed at their prey. Dani struggled to stay affloat. Once again she tried a plasma beam only to shatter a skeleton and have it reform and divide. From shear exaustion, Dani began to fall out of the sky, passing out in the process. The Mini Plane, who had flown off, passed under Dani and catching her. Kurt reached out and pulled her into the Mini Plane. "Is she alright?" Anthony asked. Kurt removed her shirt and shook his head. "She's beat up pretty badly." Kurt responed. The Mini Plane quickly swerved, as Anthony tried to dodge the Skeletons. The skeletons turned and fired at the plane. Anthony began to dodge the plasma beams fired at the Mini Plane. Anthony pressed a button on the dash and a pair of Guns appeared out of the wheeles of the Mini Plane. The guns began to fire at the skeletons, hitting them and shattering them. Before long the Skeletons gave up the chase and Anthony straightened out their plane. Kurt went back to examining Dani's body for injury. As Kurt was examining her body, Dani began to regain concious in the process. Suprised to see Kurt looking at her, she slapped him and covered her torso back up. Dani winced from the pain as she put her shirt back on. "Dani, you shouldn't move. Your hurt, pretty badly." She looked at him and scowled. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Danny looked at the ghostly dragon, now standing before him. Fortune was standing on the head of the dragon laughing. "You will die by my hand." She said to him. She pointed at Danny, and the dragon breathed a great flame at him. Danny quickly moved to the side, dodgeing the flame. Danny flew away to try and get some range between him and the dragon. His attempt held no ground. No matter how far he flew, the dragon was right behind him, as if it was growing. Danny looked at the dragon to see that it was growing bigger. Again the dragon shot fire at him. Danny dodged the fire by a small margin, and began flying towards the head, now knowing what to do. Danny charged and fired a plasma beam at Fortune, hitting her in the Chest and sending her flying off the dragons muzzle. She responed with a command to the dragon. The dragon reached down and tryed to hit Danny with it's claws. Danny went intangable causing the claws of the dragon to phase right through. Danny kept on couse heading for Fortune. The dragon kept on its onslaught, Fortune giving him another command. The dragon responed by breathing fire at Danny. Danny flew around the Flames. Eventhought he was intangable, the heat would still kill him. Danny kept up the game of duck and dodge until he reached the muzzle of the dragon. The dragon snapped , trying to eat him. He landed on the muzzle of the dragon where Fortune resided. She fired a plasma beam at him, knocking him to his feet. She stood over Danny, A ball of plasma aimed at his head. "Any last words Danny Phantom" Danny smiled and responed. "Just this. . " With that He took a deep breath and uttered a ghost howl. Green waves of sound excaped from his mouth, creating a powerful blast of energy. Fortune was sent flying and the Dragon on which the fought gabbed its ears, trying to stoop the piercing pain. Danny kept the wail up untill he ran out of energy. Fortune Laid on the other end of the dragon' snout. She got up, and snared at him. "We'll meet again Danny Phantom." She snapped at him. A Green portal appeared before her, sucking away her and the mighty dragon. Danny, now sapped of all his energy, flew back to the Specter Speeder, again phasing throught the wall. He plopped down in the seat. "Take us home Tucker." He said before passing out in the seat.Tucker and Sam looked at him and drove off, heading for the Portal. As they arrived, Three teens were waiting for them in the lab. The team quickly reconized one of the teens to be Danny's clone, Dani. "We've been waiting for you." She said. Danny awoke several hours later to find the small group in the living room. "What's going on? he asked. Everyone looked at him seeing he was now awake. A small silence followed before Dani stood up and spoke. "Well, I was in Colorado, when An octopus like ghost told me that the world was in danger." Danny's eyebrows rose as she said that. "The same thing happened to me." He responed back. This time Dani and her friends were taken back, suprised. Danny rose from his position and began questioning Dani, finding out what had happend over the last Twenty-four hours. To his suprise, alot of the same things had happened to him. This caused Danny to pause and think. "Ok. . . So we know that Dan has excaped, We know he is stronger than before, since he merged with Clocksworth, and we know he now has help. This brings up a problem." Danny said to the group. Everyone looked at him and nodded. "So how do you prepose we defeat him. If we don't, who knows what will happen?" Sam Questioned them. Everyone sat down and blank look appeared on their faces. She sighed. Kurt stood and took charge."OK we know what happened over the last day; However, we don't know what infromation the others have. Let's start there. . . Danny before your fight what did Fortune tell you." A look of question appeared on Danny's face. "Nothing of importance. She was working for Dani afterall so we don't know how truthful her information was anyway." Kurt responed. "It doesn't matter, It's the only lead we have next to the Observer." "The only thing she did was tell me my fortune. After that we started fighting." Danny said. Kurt sighed "Well. . . I guess you were right."He sighed. "Then our next option should be to scout our enemy. We need to know how strong he has gotten." Everyone looked at him in shock. "Are you suggesting a suicide mission?" Anthony asked him. Kurt shook his head, "No, Just a scouting mission. We have to know what we're up against." Danny and Dani nodded with him in agreement. "I'll go." They said in unison. The other four looked at them in shock. "Only we can survive in the Ghost zone with out protection. We are going to have to keep the mission quick, silent, and unnoticed. " Danny said to them. Dani laughed. "Plus you would stickout a little bit, driving around the Specter Speeder." Everyone nodded in agreement. "We'll leave in a half hour." Dani said. Everyone got up and started gather the equipment needed for the mission. [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kōsuke Ueki Posted November 6, 2010 Report Share Posted November 6, 2010 Not bad. I'm impressed with your work and I hope to see more of this in the future, as I also am a Danny Phantom fan, sorta. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Killer Posted November 7, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2010 thank you, I plan on putting up a new chapter at least once a week. I'm doing this Fan fic only cause i thought the real ending of Danny Phantom was crummy and it left to meny cliff hangers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kōsuke Ueki Posted November 7, 2010 Report Share Posted November 7, 2010 I can relate. But how did it end again? Was it that one episode that almost led to the death of all who Danny cares about by his future counterpart? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Killer Posted November 8, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2010 No the end of the series was Phantom Planet. When the asteroid was going to destroy the planet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Miles Posted November 8, 2010 Report Share Posted November 8, 2010 i like it but im into romance fanfics at the second so might take me longer to read this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Killer Posted November 8, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2010 It ok, i Appriciate all input. P.s. Chapter 2 is now added. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Killer Posted November 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2010 Bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Killer Posted November 15, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 15, 2010 Chapter 3 Is now added, Will have chapter for posted Within the next two weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LilAnt300 Posted August 8, 2011 Report Share Posted August 8, 2011 i like it i cant wait 4 da next chapter come out. u really good. u should be a write Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Gamesmaster Posted August 9, 2011 Report Share Posted August 9, 2011 [quote name='LilAnt300' timestamp='1312768356' post='5423813'] i like it i cant wait 4 da next chapter come out. u really good. u should be a write [/quote]Forgive me, but I think you should take this little ant's advice with a pinch of salt. Once again, I'm reviewing blind, starting with the prologue and finishing with chapter one. This isn't an altruistic gesture by any means -- I hope to apply the pointing-out-plot-holes, dissecting-proper-exposition skills I've been learning from Linkara all week so I can revise my own work, so I'm essentially using your story for my own gain. But either way, you're getting a double review from me. Be grateful -- assuming you can read between the lines and pick out the advice from the snark. A note: This story is supposedly rated PG-16 (i.e. M or R), which tells me one of three things. In the best case, this is a darkfic. While I usually don't like those at all, it's often the place really good authors show their stuff. Somehow I doubt that, but I haven't read this, so I dunno. If not, it might be that the author is younger than 16 and just wants to make their story seem impressive, like how Michael Bay's [i]Transformers[/i] movie slipped in a comment on masturbation to grab a PG-13 rating. If I'm really unlucky, that means sexual content, which means very emphatic shipping, which means oh dear gods no. Another note: I'm much, much better acquainted with [i]Danny Phantom[/i] than [i]Yu-Gi-Oh![/i], as I've been a fan of the show for years and rank it among my Top 10 Western Cartoons (it's #6), so while I'll be able to call continuity and/or characterization hax right away, I'll also be subjecting you to my personal biases. In this case, there are two you should know about: "Danny/Sam, but keep them in character, dammit!" and "DARK DANNY?! KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT" Without further ado, let's dig into Danny Phantom: Phantom End. Sorry -- DANNY PHANTOM: PHANTOM END. [spoiler=Review][spoiler=Prologue] All around, doors floated as if immune to gravity. [b]...wow. That's... actually an awesome first sentence. It's a tad awkward to me, but hey, I'm hooked.[/b] The back ground [b]Aaaand you lost me. "Background" is one word, and not used in describing places. You're looking for "world" or "sky"[/b] was green and swirled and beings floated and flied between the door leading them to other dimesions. [b]Whoa, run-on description much? Those are two independent clauses there, and not so much as a comma separates them.[/b] This was the Ghost Zone, A world of Ghosts and Undead beings; However in this place, in the farthest corners of the Ghost Zone, lied a portal that excaped time, the portal to the relm of Clockworth and the Observerse, and the Location of Dan Phantom. [b]whooooa[/b] [b]You got my hopes up; shame on you! Note the correct use of a semicolon there. You've misspelled "flew," "lay," "escaped," and "realm;" you've randomly capitalized "A," "Ghosts," "Undead," "However," and "Locations." You have two run-on sentences and one sentence so bizarre I don't no what to make of it. This is, if we're being generous, sentence four. This is bad.[/b] [b]Oh, and joy, we're getting evil!Danny, known by fans as Dan Phantom. The most fan-beloved monster since Draco Malfoy, featuring in the abysmal special/movie/whatever-it's-called "The Ultimate Enemy." I mean, does it have to be Dark Phantom? Can't it be Pariah Dark, King of Ghosts? He was actually cool and non-contrived and not born from cheating on a test. But hey, maybe that's just me. I've hated this guy ever since I watched that god-awful special.[/b] The Box Ghost, [b]BEWARE[/b] [b]But where'd he come from?[/b] A relativly [b]I think graduation of ninth-grade English should be a requirement for writing. I'd say something about spellcheck, but really, there's not much excuse for spelling them wrong the first time.[/b] unimpressive ghost who looked like a warehouse man, [b]Wow, that's descriptive. I mean, I know what he looks like, but that's not going to tell anyone who hasn't seen the show anything. Describe his short, portly frame, his head of minimal hair topped with a slate-blue cap, his dirty white tee-shirt and overalls, his fat, round face and curled black boots. You know, like I just did in about thirty seconds, with a random picture pulled off Google for reference. If you really wanted to get technical, you could describe his beady eyes darting about as he took in his surroundings.[/b] wandered in to the Untimed Relm. [b]If it lies outside of time, it presumably halts aging and thus grants immortality. I know that's not much consolation for ghosts, but surely some mortal civilization has breached the Ghost Zone and attempted to conquer the Untimed Realm before? I'm flashing back to Linkara's review of "Doctor Who Classics #7:" a coveted realm of untold power with security that can keep out multiple alien civilizations but yield to any random crackpot that stumbles across it, and not in a Mirror of Erised way, either. I don't remember whether it's guarded in the show, though -- maybe Clockwork is just such a good manipulator that he can deal with any intruders on his own? I hate his debut, but I love that guy overall.[/b] "BEWARE," he said as he entered the relm. [b]No, seriously, that's spelled with an A. And who the hell is he telling to beware, Clockwork or Dark Danny?[/b] The box ghost cocked his head to the side with the sight of nobody being there. He let himself look around [b]...as opposed to what, storming in and conquering the place? Running the hell away? Taking a shot for stumbling upon yet another unguarded ultimate dimension?[/b] and finally found a cylindrical object, know to the Ghosts as the Fentom Termus. [b]...[/b] [b]...HIS NAME IS SPELLED "FENTON."[/b] [b]THE DEVICE HE USES TO CAPTURE GHOSTS IS A "THERMOS."[/b] [b]THIS IS THE BASICS OF THE BASICS. SPELLCHECK DOES NOT EXCUSE THIS. OWNERSHIP OF CYLINDRICAL WATER COOLERS AND HAVING WATCHED ANY EPISODE OF THE SHOW EVER IS ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THIS.[/b] [b]Also, refresh my memory. When was the Thermos sent to the Ghost Zone, anyway? Wouldn't if have been during Phantom Planet, the ending this is supposed to overwrite?[/b] The Box Ghost, went over to it and picked it up. It had dents in it pointing out, as if a being was inside trying to get out. [b]DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUN[/b] [b]WHO COULD IT BE[/b] "Don't touch that you fool." [b]"You might unleash Dark Danny Phantom again. And that's terrible."[/b] One of the Observeres, [b]Observants. Not even close.[/b] a green Octopus like ghost with one eye, said to him. The Box Ghost fumbled the Thermus before turning around and aiming the capped Thermus at him. [b]It's spelled with an "o."[/b] "Please, Put that down." The Observer [b]Observant. It was only "observer" in the crappy video game.[/b] said to him again, "Please, you know not what that contains" The [b]You... do you even understand how punctuation and capitalization and stuff work? It's horrible trying to read all this abysmal grammar.[/b] Observer started to reach for the Thermus, but The Box Ghost panicked and uncapped the Thermus and aimed it at him. [b]Aaaand every show-relevant word in this run-on sentence is misspelled except "Box" and "Ghost."[/b] "NO, YOU FOOL." But it was too late, The Fentom Thermus began to shake and lerch before exploding into a million pieces revealing [b]I give up. I'm not going to comment on the horrible grammar anymore. Just... just lrn2grammar before you keep writing.[/b] [b]Even so, I have two questions. One, do the Observants live in the Untimed Realm? I thought they had their own thing and were just contracting Clockwork for help with Dark Danny.[/b] [b]Two: When Clockwork, a nigh-omniscient being who orchestrated the cure to at least one plague and wrapped Dark Danny around his pinky finger, designed the security for the being he defeated, did he really turn to the Observants, who are literally incapable of doing anything to prevent his release, to do it?! I can only assume he has some kind of motive for letting the bastard out again. Maybe some great invention will result from this, or many lives will be saved, or something.[/b] the hansome but imtimidating, [b]Not just "imtimidating." EVIL. A Complete Monster that would make Johan Liebert proud. Calling him "imtimidating" is like calling the ocean "danp."[/b] Dan Phantom. [b]You realize that's not actually what he's called. It was just the video game that called him that. And the fandom. Then again, you used the video game name for the Observants, too, so...[/b] A tall and Gastly figure, [b]I guess his hair is kind of Gastly, but I think he's more Dusknoir on the whole.[/b] well built on the body [b]What does this even mean? He has a well-built body? Stop focusing on the handsome! Focus on the unadulterated EVIL![/b] with hair as if on fire. Dan Phantom walked towards The Box Ghost, his Cape blowing in the Tensed Air. He stopped before The Box Ghost and Laughed. [b]You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha. Ha. Ha.[/b] "So, you are the one who Let me out of that accursed prision," He said. The Box Ghost mearly nodded and quivered before the All powerful Ghost, [b]I know fangirls love him, but he's not all powerful. Really. Pariah Dark could probably beat him. I know Clockwork could beat him if he ever relied on brute force. (Then again, that didn't really work for Chronicles!Yukari, so...)[/b] Dan Phantom just laughed again. "Then I must thank you." Dan Phantom aimed his hand at The Box Ghost as a sphere of Plasma formed in his hand. The Observer, Seeing the violence about to unfold, [b]Did you just kill the Box Ghost?[/b][b] No, you didn't. You didn't just kill the Box Ghost. Because if you did, I would have to break you. I don't have a magic gun, but I can probably dig up a magic sword from somewhere around here.[/b] turned tail and ran form the Relm, looking for the ones Know as Danny and Dani Phantom. [b]Wh -- Dani?! WHY?! So the fangirl author can have a transparent self-insert? They didn't get her the first time -- or EVER -- so why now? Do they even know she exists? Is this the sequel to some fan story we know nothing about or what? Not to mention: the Observants' ENTIRE SCHITCK is how the can't do ANYTHING themselves! They HAVE to get someone else to do everything for them! EVERYTHING! They have to ask for help to get a ham sandwich because they can't interfere with reality! PERIOD! No matter how badly they want to! Do you even know what they do?![/b] "Good bye," He said fireing a beam of plasma through the head of The Box Ghost. Dan Phantom laughed as he watched the body of The Box Ghost wither and worm before returning to Ectoplasm. [b]...you just killed the Box Ghost.[/b] [b]...[/b] [b]...[/b] [b]...you just killed THE BOX GHOST.[/b] [b]...[/b] [b]...[/b] [b]...[/b] [b]...beware.[/b] "Now, To find Clocksworth." [b]He's in a mansion in France. But it's actually spelled "Cogsworth." It's a common misconception, if Google has anything to say about it.[/b] Dan Phantom Flew off in to the Timeless Relm, Knowing exactly where to find the one he searched for. [b]Dark Danny Phantom: omniscient, all-powerful, possessed of dashing good looks, and capable of materializing much better animated Disney movies into the Timeless Realm. Other names include Dan Phantom and, apparently, Yahweh, Jehovah, and Allah.[/b] It didn't take him long to find Clocksworth standing and floating in frount of the Observation Mirrors. [b]Both at once? I wasn't aware Cogsworth had multiple bodies.[/b] Clocksworth turned and looked at Dan. "I knew this day would come, and i will not resist." Clocksworth said. Dan Phantom snickered and he flew over and overshadowed the body of Clocksworth. Being that they were both Ghost, the bodies melded with one another to form a more powerful ghost, [b]At first, I was going to keep running with my Beauty and the Beast joke and suggest that Dark Danny was going to merge with Cogsworth. But then I realized that this reminds me of the time when Havoc, a fan-created villain, merged with Yuyuko Saigyouji in [i]Touhou Chronicles[/i] by Etherdrone.[/b] [b][i]Touhou Chronicles[/i] is [i]awesome[/i]. So how on Earth did this situation remind me of it? Well, Yuyuko, an incredibly cheerful and benevolent ghost, is vastly wiser and more powerful than Havoc, a True Neutral maniac bent on achieving knowledge at any cost. When Havoc merged with her, it was clear that Yuyuko didn't support Havoc's motives -- she just had her own agenda, one that Havoc either didn't know about or chose to ignore. Havoc was quickly defeated -- defeated so thoroughly that he went beyond death into a realm that will put Yukari Yakumo out of commission*. Yuyuko, in short, triumphed -- considerably outperforming poor plotconvenient!Yukari in this regard. I'm going to go on hoping that this kind of thing is what Clockwork is up to, and expecting to be disappointed.[/b] One who was perfect [b]Near-perfect plus unspeakably horrible DOES NOT EQUAL PERFECT! It's not like Clockwork is a nine out of ten and Dark Danny is a one. Clockwork is a nine and Dark Danny is a negative ten! This ghost isn't perfect, it's actually bad now that Dark Danny has tainted it![/b] and now beyond time. [b]Come to think of it, since you're apparently allowed to re-enter time at any point you choose, doesn't the Untimed Realm also permit time travel? Ghosts could stop themselves from dying! That place [i]needs[/i] infinitely more security than it already has![/b] [b]I was surprised: this fanfic sucks! But we're not done yet. If you've got the stomach for it, sit through 'till Chapter I...[/b] [/spoiler][b]A note: This was a [i]lot[/i] worse than I thought it would be, so please be grateful that I read past that awful prologue.[/b][spoiler=Chapter One]Danny Fenton, a typical 14 year old teenager, was sitting in his class room listening to his boring teacher, Mr. Lancer. [b]Evidently, this is before Phantom Planet. Long before it. So how did the Fenton Thermos get sent to the Untimed Realm in the first place?[/b] "And that children is how is how you write a proper essay." Mr. Lancter said, [b]The author elected to skip his lecture.[/b] Danny's head began to nod from lack of sleep from the night before. Before He knew it, Danny's head hit the desk with a loud, THUMP! [b]If you're almost asleep, go the way of Osaka and put your head down beforehand.[/b] Danny lurched up and stood up from his desk. "I didn't do it, I swear" He looked around in Embarressment before sitting down. [b]Goodness. He stood up?[/b] "Smooth one, dude." His friend Tucker Folly [b]This would be the most accurate misspelling yet. A Freudian finger-slip?[/b] wispered to him. Tucker was a Techno Geek, and Danny's Best friend since. . . Ever. [b]That's how much depth we'll be treating this character with.[/b] Tucker laughed. "Thanks a lot. You could have at least tryed to keep me awake before i make a fool of my self." Danny wispered back to him. [b]Mr. Lancer was apathetic. After all, Me and my home boys was also asleep, and most of the YCM fanfiction section. He'd given up trying to get people to stay awake long enough for basic grammar lessons.[/b] Danny's Ghost sense went off. A blue vapor escaped from his mouth telling him that a ghost was in the vacinity. As if on cue to help him get out of class, a green octopus like ghost with one eye materialized throught the wall through intangability. [b]"Yes, a giant monster with the power to kill my classmates! Just what I needed to get out of class!"[/b] Everyone in the class room left the room in a state of panic, except Danny and Tucker. They were use to this kind of thing. [b]Everyone else is, too, aren't they? The Lunch Lady wasn't exactly subtle, and she was the FIRST VILLAIN ON THE SHOW.[/b] "Is the coast clear, Tucker?" Danny asked "Yah dude, Do your thing." Tucker responded "Ok then, I'm going Ghost." An with those words, a blue ring of energy surrounded Danny moving up and down his body, changing his clothing from t-shirt and jean into a black and white jump suit and turning him in the infamous, Danny Phantom. "Ok ghost, You can leave now or I'm going to have to kick the snot out of you." Danny said. [b]"After all, reality is, you are a ghost, and I AM A MAN! *punch*"[/b] "I'm not here to fight Danny Phantom. I'm here for your help," The ghost said to him. Danny looked at him puzzled."I am an Observer of Time. [b]NO YOU'RE NOT --[/b] [b]-- eh?[/b] [b]Observer of Time?[/b] [b]AHA! I UNDERSTAND NOW![/b] [b]They're not the Observants, the impotent but all-seeing Watchers that wanted Dark Danny committed in the first place -- they're the Observers of Time, Clockwork's incompetent lackeys! They look like cyclops green octopi, but they're much bigger and capable of inspiring panic even in jaded teenagers, and they don't have those tacky blue capes.[/b] The one you know as Clocksworth is our emmisary, and both of our world are in dire trouble." [b]"They're going to make a Christmas special about [i]The Beauty and the Beast[/i]! We're all in grave danger!"[/b] Danny looked at him, still puzzled and asked. "How are our worlds in trouble?" The Observer closed his eye and bowed his head. "Dan Phantom, your alter future self has been freed. [b]No, seriously! The only people who call them that are lazy video game makers and squeeing fangirls![/b] He is angery for his imprisonment, and now is going to destroy the worlds. [b]And the phrase I knew I would have to say as soon as the Observer of Time showed up: "How do you know this, exactly?" What, are you just guessing? You left! How can you possibly know what Danny is going to do![/b] We need you and your Clone Danielle's Help, you are our last hope." [b]Hell, the Observers of Time know more than the Observants do! The Observants never even mentioned Dani![/b] Danny smirked and changed back into his human self. "Please, I defeated him once before and i can do it again." Danny said. [b]"After all, reality is, he is a ghost, and I AM A MAN!" *punch*[/b] The Observer drew closer to him. "You do not understand young one. He has melded himself with Clockworth, [b]I knew it. Here we go:[/b] [b]HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT?! YOU TURNED TAIL AND RAN FOR EARTH BEFORE DARK DANNY EVEN KILLED THE BOX GHOST! I KNOW YOU WERE BEYOND TIME AND ALL THAT, BUT STILL, YOU CAN'T HAVE POSSIBLY SEEN CLOCKWORK'S PLAN START![/b] [b]Moving on...[/b] and although he cannot trans-verse [b]Traverse. It's a common mistake.[/b] times yet, he is now beyond time itself. He is now Perfect." [b]No, seriously. Like I said before, on a scale of negative ten to ten, he's a negative one.[/b] The last comment made, made Danny shutter but he still had no fear. "I'll Leave you to think young one, for i must go find your other self; [b]"Even though she's really not relevant, and she wasn't even brought up when Freakshow, who was more powerful than Dark Danny given the circumstances, did his thing."[/b] However, you must remember this, the fate of both world and all Dimensions are now on your shoulders. [b]"And Dani's, because the author wants a shell onto which she can project herself."[/b] Farewell." With that, The Observer forced his body intangable [b]"I sing the body intangible!"[/b] and left the boys alone. Tucker walked over to Danny, "What are you going to do, dude?" Danny walked out of the room with Tucker following, Thinking of his course of action. "First things first, We need to get Sam and go to the Ghost zone. Maybe there we can get some answers." The Two quickly grabbed Samantha Manson, [b]Who apparently has retained Undergrowth's powers and thus appeared out of nowhere.[/b] A Goth Girl with short black hair, a black shirt and black and purple skirt with a pair of Combat boots. She was also Danny's girlfriend. [b]If Dani is in this, I imagine this is the last we'll hear of Sam beyond token mentions. Especially seeing as she has NO DIALOGUE as of now.[/b] The Trio quickly ran to Danny's house and ran down stairs to Danny's basement, a lab full of Ghost exparimenting equipment, to find the Ghost portal new and operational. [b]Anyone who hasn't seen the show before is completely confused right now.[/b] Next to the portal was the Specter Speeder, a Vehicle built by Mr. and Mrs. Fenton to tansverse the Ghost Zone. [b]Traverse. "Transverse" means "to lie across; to span." Like a transversal that transverses two parallel lines. Then again, based on your language skills, I'd be surprised if your schooling went far enough that you'd recognize the word "transversal."[/b] The trio quickly hopped onboard and started the ship before flying off into the Ghost Portal. "Now to find out whats going on." Danny Said. [b]Do I have to?[/b] [b]This fanfic sucks! The characters are either caricatures or completely wrong, the grammar is awful and erratic, the plot is cookie-cutter and the motivations driving it indecipherable, and the whole thing doesn't look like anything more than a setup for Danny and Dani/author-insert facing Dark Danny, the popular, handsome villain, to save the world once and for all. I was no fan of Phantom Planet, but it beats the hell out of this![/b][/spoiler][/spoiler][spoiler=Rating]Grammar: 3/10 [i]Atrocious spelling and hyperactive capitalization made this practically unreadable.[/i] Plot: 3/10 [i]Uninspired at best.[/i] Characters: 2/10 [i]Let's recap: Dark Danny is glorified beyond belief, Clockwork's motivations are literally impossible to discern, Dani is in here for no reason, and the Observants have literally reversed their characterization! GAH![/i] Readability: 2/10 [i]I couldn't force myself to review Chapter 1 on my own. I had to watch Linkara's Amazons Attack review to motivate me.[/i] Effort: 4/10 [i]It breaks my heart, but it feels like you put a tiny bit of effort into this. It didn't work, mind you, but I get the feeling that you did try and fail miserably.[/i] Overall: 28% -- [b]D-[/b][/spoiler] [i]*I no longer keep up with [/i]Touhou Chronicles[i] nearly as much as I used to. I stopped reading properly at the point that Yukari Yakumo lost, died, and became the weakest major character in the story. I still check in every now and then, though. I repeat: this story is so good that it killed Yukari and had her become effectively irrelevant, and I still read it because it's just that well-written. [url="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6046989/1/Touhou_Chronicles"]Go read it.[/url] It'll take your mind off this.[/i] Whew. Dear gods, that nearly finished me. With all due respect, ~Supreme Gamesmaster Yddisac Reality is, you are a bad author, and I AM A MAN! *punch* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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