Pokemon the Crazeist Vacation Ever PG-13

[Tomiix]

Hello everyone, this is my first fan fic and is based of a fail attempt to make my first one, which I never posted to, epic fail right? Well before I get started with Ash's Tales of non-adventure, lets go over how am going to run this.

1~ Each Chapter will be put in a spoiler in [u]THIS ORIGINAL FIRST POST[/u] with its own rating if needed. (Depending if there’s a high request for a more PG-16 version of a chapter ECT...)

2~ if I require fresh ideas I will post it in a spoiler in [u]THIS ORIGINAL FIRST POST[/u]. With a form that you will fill out and post in the comments.

3~ To prevent confusion when commenting on a chapter please post the chapter number and the rating (if there is another version with a high rating.)

4~ The reason for the past parenthesis is because of this. If there is a high demand for a PG 16 version of a chapter. Say for example there’s a detail like a cursing scene that is less epic then it could be I can make that to the quality that I want it to be, but Id like this to keep with the younger audience as well.

5~ Also, when I want to voice an opinion of something (writers commentary) ill post parenthesis. Ill do these [color="#0000FF"](Tom: I love this scene). [/color]If you don’t want the commentary then just ignore it, but read it later if you like.



[spoiler= Chapter I PG-13]
“It’s almost been an hour and the Pokémon battle between Ash and Mr. Barley is about to close! It comes down to just two Pokémon! Pikachu the electric mouse type vs. Venusaur!” Screamed the announcer in excitement. Ash smiled as he watched this epic battle come down. “Who ever wins this battle will be crowned champions of the Isshu region!” exclaimed the announcer.
“LET’S FINISH THIS PIKACHU VOLT TACKLE!” Shouted Ash
“Pika Pika” Answered Pikachu as it charged up in electric fury. The strange old man who ash was facing seemed unphased by the electric type move.
“We studied this Venusaur, finish this and kill Ash Ketchum… SOLAR BEAM!” screamed the man. Ash was shocked, he knew that solar beam can only be used when there is enough sun, but it was night out and the only light was the moon and the stadium lights.
“DO IT NOW VENUSAUR! SOLAR BEAM!”
Suddenly the furry of the charged beam hit Pikachu as he disappeared into the blast, but after hitting the Pikachu Venusaur didn’t hold back as it also hit Ash! Before the beam hit him, Ash commanded Pikachu to use iron tail. Pikachu was blinded by the light so instead of hitting Venusaur he hit Ash! Once in the ribs and once on the head, knocking him out.
[color="#0000FF"](Tom: Such an elaborate way of killing a 16 year old O.o)[/color]
After the shot died down Pikachu suffered from serious burns as Ash laided on the ground with 3rd degree burns. He couldn’t move at all, and his body seemed to be dead. His mind though was fully active has he tried to asses the situation he was hearing.
“ASH!!!” screamed Ash’s mom; she came to the stadium to see the battle. She ran down to see if he was ok as an ambulance came and a cop car came, to arrest Mr. Barley and help Ash. Suddenly Ash's life was flashing before his eyes.
“Oh god, I’m actually going to die, there is so many things I haven’t achieved yet, I’m not a Pokémon master and all my friends, I want to spend more time with them. I’ve never even had someone to love, someone I would want to marry and now my chance is gone, and I’m going to die! There is only one time that I have been close to having a girl friend, and that actually was before I entered this stadium.”
~~--~~
(Flashback)
“ASH!” Screamed Misty. She came to try to watch Ash battle today.
“Oh hey there! How is my not so silent stalker?” Ash said expecting to get an angry response as routine.
“He, He, she’s doing fine.” Said Misty kiddingly.
Ash was surprised she was in such a good mood.
“What is up with you?” said Ash
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“Well you’re blushing and you’re in a surprisingly good mood… whats up?”
“Well Ash I wanted to tell you something before your big battle...”
“What is it?”
“Ash when you where away I don’t know I started getting lonely. Also, every time I see one of your “friends” I get jealous… I don’t know how to say what I’m feeling…” Misty suddenly shut up and blushed to embarrassed to speak, and hoping that Ash understood what she meant
“Whats that supposed to mean?”
[color="#0000FF"](Tom: I knew ash was ignorant but seriously...)[/color]“ASH YOU BIG IDIOT I LOVE YOU AND I’VE LOVED YOU EVER SINCE WE FIRST MET IN KANTO.”
Ash was shocked; he could not believe what he was hearing. He never thought of going out with someone before nether the less with Misty; they have always been opponents and arguing. But, if he thought for awhile, he would realize that he felt the same in some ways, but wasn’t sure himself.
“Ash, will you be my boyfriend?”
“ASH KETCHUM PLEASE REPORT TO THE DESK AND PRONTO!” Screamed the secretary over the intercom.
“Let’s talk about this later.”
Ash was kind of freaked out, for that was sudden, also he needs to get focused on his competition.
(Flashback end)
~~--~~
By the time Ash was done looking through the memory he herd the siren get muffled, he was in the ambulance. He actually felt his lips move and he tried to speak.
“Misty… remember earlier? Well I feel the same and I accept your offer.” Ash knew that his mom was in the ambulance so he spoke as vaguely as he could, and it worked because he herd Misty giggle. Ash finally rested and won’t wake up for awhile. During this time in the ambulance Ash’s mom picked up his poke gear and called everyone on the phone and alerted them of the problem and where there going to be. At the Isshu hospital. Will ash survive the trauma? What will happen to him if he dose wake up? What happens to the other shippings?!?!?! Find out in chapter two!
[color="#0000FF"](Tom: Im sorry if this was so short, I didnt have enough time to make it longer, Ill try to make chapter II more longer and elabrate, as I will have more time over the weekend.) [/color][/spoiler]







[center] [color="#0000FF"]I need encouragment to keep posting so please tell me if you like my story, and inspire me to keep writing.[/color][IMG]http://img339.imageshack.us/img339/4832/busypikachu.jpg[/IMG]
[color="#FF0000"]If you don’t like something or if I’m doing something wrong tell me and Ill be determined to do better![/color][/center]

[Tomiix]

*Bump*

[CrabHelmet]

[b]We think of ancient works as being great because only the great ancient works have survived to this day. These masterpieces have been canonized as works of artistic excellence, while the literary equivalent of their retarded stepsiblings have been forgotten and abandoned, lost to history; we recall the glorious writing of Voltaire's Candide but not the poor works it parodies. It therefore seems reasonable to assume that, in the distant future, all the terrible works written today will have vanished from human memory, leaving only the shining masterpieces to be placed upon their pedestals for all eternity.

But the future has not yet arrived, so until then we must prepare for that future by exalting the greatest writings... and by demolishing the worst. Today is not a day in which we can read any contemporary work and expect it to be great. Today is a day in which the ten percent of works that are readable are besieged by the ninety percent of trash that surrounds them. Today is a day for defending those works of genius by eliminating their weaker contemporaries. Today is a day for deconstructing these awful stories in through mildly amusing commentary. Today is a day for pruning this garbage away.

Today is a day for [i]Foe Fiction[/i].[/b]

That's really the new opening narration?

[color=green]Of course.[/color]

It's... not very good, is it? I mean, it's boring and pretentious and... pretentious.

[color=green]Hey, you wrote it, not me.[/color]

Future-Me wrote it, not me. Speaking of which, why did you need to bring me to the future to do this review anyhow? Why couldn't my future self do it like he's supposed to, The Professor Young Boy?

[color=green]Oh, he's busy packing right now.[/color]

Packing?

[color=green]Sure. He's getting ready to go back in time to your first season finale and kill me so that he can then be sent further back in time with amnesia by you to-[/color]

What!? Why!?

[color=green]Well, to maintain the stable time loop, since he already remembers encountering his future self, who is now his present self, when he was you back then. And because he needs to be given amnesia and sent further back in time by you so that he can assume a ridiculous superhero identity and shortly be killed again by you, since that future incarnation of him has since come back to life with his memories restored and-[/color]

Forget I asked. Look, let's just get on with the review. What is it I'm supposed to be reviewing now?

[color=green]Oh, it's Tomiix's [topic=226925]Pokemon the Crazeist Vacation Ever[/topic].[/color]

...you mean "Craziest" Vacation Ever, right?

[color=green]...[/color]

I was afraid of that. This is going to be painful.

All right, I may as well get started. Bah, I feel so out of practice. It almost feels as if that instantaneous time travel to the future actually took three and a half months or something.

[i]Hello everyone, this is my first fan fic and is based of a fail attempt to make my first one, which I never posted to, epic fail right?[/i]

No! No, let me just say this here: that's good! That's very good! Recognizing that your work is bad and therefore not posting it and thus polluting the world with its terrible quality is a good thing! It shows self-awareness and a refusal to just throw any garbage you can spit out up on the internet for everyone to drain the time and sanity of the populace! It's a shame you decided to break that habit by actually posting this one, though.

Anyhow, on to the first chapter. Naturally, the story itself has no blank lines between paragraphs, so it's one unreadable wall of text.

[i]“It’s almost been an hour and the Pokémon battle between Ash and Mr. Barley is about to close! It comes down to just two Pokémon! Pikachu the electric mouse type vs. Venusaur!” Screamed the announcer in excitement.[/i]

...oh, joy. We get this whole capitalize-the-said-substitute-after-the-quote-for-no-good-reason nonsense immediately. But that grammatical issue that nobody on YCM seems to be able to handle aside, this announcer's line seems odd.

Why is the announcer saying this? The crowd knows it's a Pokémon battle, and it knows who the contestants are, and they know how long it's been going since they're there; why is the announcer saying all of this now? It's just lazy writing, with characters saying things that they have no reason to say just so that they audience can hear them and thus receive exposition.

Look, if you want to give us exposition, then either weave it properly into the story, or have an omniscient narrator just outright say it. But don't make your characters take nonsensical actions just so that the reader can catch up.

[i]Ash smiled as he watched this epic battle come down.[/i]

[color=green]The English language does not work the way you think it works.[/color]

[i]“Who ever wins this battle will be crowned champions of the Isshu region!” exclaimed the announcer.[/i]

It's just like when I'm watching the World Cup and then, with fifteen minutes left in the second half, the announcers suddenly shout, "[s]Who ever[/s] Whoever wins this football match will win the World Cup!" Except wait, no, that never happens because that's stupid.

[i]“LET’S FINISH THIS PIKACHU VOLT TACKLE!” Shouted Ash
“Pika Pika” Answered Pikachu as it charged up in electric fury.[/i]

Not this capitalization nonsense again.

Now, consider this for a moment: the battle has been going on for an hour. Based on the announcer's comment, it seems like the battle only just reached the point where Pikachu and Venusaur are the only combatants left. Battles allow no more than six Pokémon per side. Ash expects to win this round with just one attack, against a fully-evolved opposing Pokémon strong enough to get to the regional final with an elemental advantage against Pikachu's attack.

Maybe Ash's Pikachu is supposed to be just that broken, or maybe Ash is supposed to be just that stupid, but since when do I give idiots the benefit of the doubt?

[i]The strange old man who ash was facing seemed unphased by the electric type move.[/i]

[color=green]While I appreciate that you are working to vary your word choice, artificially injecting that variety through awkward constructions like "the electric type move" make your writing sound worse, not better. Especially if you don't know how to hyphenate properly.[/color]

[i]“We studied this Venusaur, finish this and kill Ash Ketchum… SOLAR BEAM!” screamed the man.[/i]

Wait, kill Ash Ketchum? I know the Special manga provides precedent for attacks against trainers, but not deliberately lethal ones at official tournament finals in front of millions of people.

[i]Ash was shocked, he knew that solar beam can only be used when there is enough sun, but it was night out and the only light was the moon and the stadium lights.[/i]

Indeed. Which, under ordinary circumstances, would put Venusaur and similar Grass-Types at an unfair disadvantage by arbitrarily denying them their most powerful attack. And that's to say nothing of the inability of Fire-Types to use Sunny Day. So why would the official tournament championship final battle run be held at night in the first place?

[i]“DO IT NOW VENUSAUR! SOLAR BEAM!”[/i]

You, uh, already said that.

...well, he did. Seriously, did Venusaur not hear him the first time or something? Was his command drowned out by the announcer waffling on again about how this was, in fact, a Pokémon battle?

[i]Suddenly the furry of the charged beam[/i]

I hope that's just another of many misspellings, because I'm going to refuse to read any further if this story turns out to have anything to do with furries.

[i]hit Pikachu as he disappeared into the blast, but after hitting the Pikachu Venusaur didn’t hold back as it also hit Ash![/i]

"And then Mr. Barley was disqualified for violation of tournament regulations and Ash was crowned champion. The End."

[i]Before the beam hit him,[/i]

[color=green]Doesn't the beam move at the speed of light? Isn't that kind of the point?[/color]

[i]Ash commanded Pikachu to use iron tail. Pikachu was blinded by the light[/i]

Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night.

[i]so instead of hitting Venusaur he hit Ash![/i]

No, he didn't.

No, seriously, he didn't. There's no way that makes any sense.

Pikachu should already have been facing Venusaur, so he should already be facing the right direction; he should just be able to attack forward. And even if he were knocked and turned around by the Solar Beam blast, it should still be clear from which direction the bright light is coming. And even if the blast actually made Pikachu completely unable to see anything, his pointy ears are still working; with Ash's voice commanding him to use Iron Tail coming from one direction and the sound of Venusaur's Solar Beam coming from the other, Pikachu should be perfectly capable of orienting on Venusaur - or, at the very least, figuring out Venusaur's general direction instead of going toward Ash, who would be in the exact opposite direction.

Since this makes no sense as written, I'm going to assume that what really happened is this: Pikachu realized long ago that he was ridiculously overpowered, but that Ash was a colossal moron. Because of this, Pikachu has wanted to get Ash out of the way for a long time, but he couldn't kill him directly or he would be caught. So in this battle, Pikachu seized his chance to kill off Ash and make his attack look accidental - and he knew he wouldn't be blamed, since Mr. Barley had already announced his deliberate attention to murder Ash, so Mr. Barley would be the one to take the fall.

Oh, Pikachu, you look so cute and innocent, but you're so diabolical and treacherous.

[i]Once in the ribs and once on the head, knocking him out.
[color="#0000FF"](Tom: Such an elaborate way of killing a 16 year old O.o)[/color][/i]

You fool! The Professor Young Boy, I specifically told you to disable the DVD commentary!

[color=green]No, this is actually part of the story.[/color]

...wow. That's really bad.

What makes it worse is that this comment shows not only that the author understood that the murder plot was absurd (and yet made it part of the story and decided to post this nonsense anyhow) but also how little idea the author had regarding just how absurd the plot really was (it involved admittedly deliberately killing Ash in full view of the public and relied on Pikachu's impossible confusion/treason).

[i]After the shot died down Pikachu suffered from serious burns as Ash laided on the ground with 3rd degree burns.[/i]

[color=green]Yes. He "laided" down on the ground.[/color]

Do you mean to tell me that, after seven years, people still haven't learned to press F7 in Microsoft Word before posting their stories?

[color=green]It's actually Microsoft-Macintosh-Seahorse Word now - there was a bit of a merger, you see - but yes, you are correct.[/color]

[i]He couldn’t move at all, and his body seemed to be dead. His mind though was fully active has he tried to asses the situation he was hearing.[/i]

How convenient.

[i]“ASH!!!” screamed Ash’s mom; she came to the stadium to see the battle.[/i]

Really? Wow, thanks for telling us that, author! Somehow, I didn't have the foggiest idea why the mother of one of the combatants in the regional finals might have come to the stadium when the battle was going on! I thought she was employed as a janitor, but fortunately this highly-necessary explanation has set me straight.

[i]She ran down to see if he was ok as an ambulance came and a cop car came, to arrest Mr. Barley and help Ash.[/i]

Oh, is that why they came? I thought they came because they heard the stadium had good catering! I could never have imagined the real reason why an ambulance and police car would arrive after a publicly-viewed attempted murder!

I think it makes sense to conclude that, whenever a bad author interjects pointless explanations of the obvious like this into their stories, they do so because they themselves are so stupid that, if they were reading the story, they would be confused without the explanation.

[i]Suddenly Ash's life was flashing before his eyes.
“Oh god, I’m actually going to die, there is so many things I haven’t achieved yet, I’m not a Pokémon master and all my friends, I want to spend more time with them. I’ve never even had someone to love, someone I would want to marry and now my chance is gone, and I’m going to die! There is only one time that I have been close to having a girl friend, and that actually was before I entered this stadium.”[/i]

[color=green]You know, since being arrested presumably disqualifies Mr. Barley, I would assume that Ash would be declared the winner of the tournament - which, as the regional champion, would technically make him a Pokémon master.[/color]

...

[color=green]Well, it's true.[/color]

[i]~~--~~
(Flashback)[/i]

Ah, this is why he spent so much of his dying thoughts on that awkward tangent about his love life.

If writing good tales is your mission
First understand writing tradition:
For you must be aware
You won't get anywhere
If you use such a forced transition.

[i]“ASH!” Screamed Misty. She came to try to watch Ash battle today.
“Oh hey there! How is my not so silent stalker?” Ash said expecting to get an angry response as routine.
“He, He, she’s doing fine.” Said Misty kiddingly.[/i]

The "He, He"'s are probably supposed to be onomatopoeia for laughter, but I prefer to imagine that she simply stammered out a bit of a Freudian slip due to knowing that Ash's real stalker is Gary.

Also: "Said". Urge to kill rising.

[i]Ash was surprised she was in such a good mood.
“What is up with you?” said Ash
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“Well you’re blushing and you’re in a surprisingly good mood… whats up?”[/i]

At this point it seems redundant to comment on how bad this dialogue is, or on how out-of-character Ash seems to be...

[color=green]Actually, you haven't really commented on either of those things yet.[/color]

Really? How!? Every line in this story has been awful!

[color=green]Yes, but you were too busy dealing with the bad grammar, the nonsensical plot, the plot holes in the nonsensical plot, and just about every other form of bad writing.[/color]

Oh. Well, then: the dialogue is awkward, lacking flow or sensible progression, and Ash is normally an oblivious idiot hero, not someone who flirts openly and can actually read people (and certainly not someone who would then follow up on those reads). It's difficult to pin down the exact flaws in general stylistic problems like this dialogue, but picturing Ash and Misty saying these lines makes it clear that these lines would never be said, and certainly not by them. And Ash's last thoughts mourning his lack of love life seems backward for Ash's character; it implies that he cares about having a girlfriend but not about who, whereas Ash would normally care about specific people but be less concerned with exact relationship status.

[i]“Well Ash I wanted to tell you something before your big battle...”
“What is it?”
“Ash when you where away I don’t know I started getting lonely. Also, every time I see one of your “friends” I get jealous… I don’t know how to say what I’m feeling…” Misty suddenly shut up and blushed to embarrassed to speak, and hoping that Ash understood what she meant
“Whats that supposed to mean?”
[color="#0000FF"](Tom: I knew ash was ignorant but seriously...)[/color] “ASH YOU BIG IDIOT I LOVE YOU AND I’VE LOVED YOU EVER SINCE WE FIRST MET IN KANTO.”[/i]

Yeah, go ahead, interject author's comments about perceived flaws in your story instead of actually, you know, fixing them. After all, it's so much easier to say, "Hey, I wrote this, it sucks, I know I suck, I know how I suck, but I'm too lazy to change anything, so you can all just enjoy my sucky suckiness, suckers. (Though personally, I think Ash being that oblivious to love is [s]totally canon[/s] perfectly in-character; it just doesn't mesh with things like the stalker comment. But the overall problem behind this comment - and, indeed, all of these comments - of thinking that acknowledging problems is as good as fixing them remains.)

And yeah, interject that comment right at what would be the climax of a really emotional scene if you had the slightest bit of talent, you hack. If you don't want to get the reader involved with the story, then you're doing an amazing job.

[i]Ash was shocked; he could not believe what he was hearing. He never thought of going out with someone before nether the less with Misty; they have always been opponents and arguing. But, if he thought for awhile, he would realize that he felt the same in some ways, but wasn’t sure himself.[/i]

[color=green]"If he thought for [s]awhile[/s] a while"? Did he think about it or not? If so, why the "if"? If not, why does this sentence exist? Get rid of it and let us find out what conclusion Ash reaches when he reaches it. This is clearly a Pokeshipping or AAML or whatevertheycallAshxMistynow fic, so it's not like Ash's eventual conclusion is going to come as any surprise anyhow, but there's still no reason to state it here. This isn't Paradise Lost or Baccano!; you don't need to tell us the ending now. And no, explicitly stating what will happen before it happens is not foreshadowing.[/color]

[i]“Ash, will you be my boyfriend?”
“ASH KETCHUM PLEASE REPORT TO THE DESK AND PRONTO!” Screamed the secretary over the intercom.[/i]

This is right before the final, isn't it? I can't imagine a secretary screaming "SERENA WILLIAMS PLEASE REPORT TO THE DESK AND PRONTO" over the intercom at Wimbledon just before she faces her sister in the final. These are regional tournament finalists; they deserve a bit more respect. And this conversation was about sixty seconds long, so it's not like Ash is suddenly running drastically late.

[i]“Let’s talk about this later.”
Ash was kind of freaked out, for that was sudden, also he needs to get focused on his competition.[/i]

[color=green]Also he needs to keep his writing's tense consistent, or people stopped reading.[/color]

[i](Flashback end)
~~--~~
By the time Ash was done looking through the memory[/i]

Memories. Do. Not. Work. That. Way. Unless you have a photographic memory or some other altered form of recollection, you don't remember things by reliving them as they happened.

Here's my theory: what we saw above is Ash's imagined version of his last conversation with Misty. This is Ash, whose ego is rather large, and he's just suffered a major head injury from the battle, so obviously his recollection is rather different from what actually happened. This also explains his being unusually flirtatious and perceptive and Misty being abnormally deredere; since he likes Misty, he created an idealized confession scene the way he would have liked their conversation to have gone. Their real conversation was probably more along the lines of, "Once you win the tournament, you better pay me back for my broken bike!"

[i]he herd the siren get muffled, he was in the ambulance. He actually felt his lips move and he tried to speak.
“Misty… remember earlier? Well I feel the same and I accept your offer.”[/i]

Misty: "Really? That's great! I've been waiting to get a new bike for ages!"

My interpretation explains everything except for the nonsense tournament scene at the start of the chapter, and considering just how many things in this story are broken, I consider that a splendid accomplishment.

[i]Ash knew that his mom was in the ambulance so he spoke as vaguely as he could, and it worked because he herd Misty giggle. Ash finally rested and won’t wake up for awhile. During this time in the ambulance Ash’s mom picked up his poke gear and called everyone on the phone and alerted them of the problem and where there going to be. At the Isshu hospital.[/i]

[color=green]And so the chapter ends with another flurry of bad spelling and improper word usage, with an added helpful reminder that, yes, the ambulance is taking the injured patient to the hospital, as opposed to all those other places ambulances take people.[/color]

Actually, does the Pokémon world even have hospitals? Don't Pokémon Centers pretty much handle everything?

[i]Will ash survive the trauma? What will happen to him if he dose wake up? What happens to the other shippings?!?!?! Find out in chapter two![/i]

Yeah, we're not going to do that.

[i][color="#0000FF"](Tom: Im sorry if this was so short, I didnt have enough time to make it longer, Ill try to make chapter II more longer and elabrate, as I will have more time over the weekend.) [/color][/i]

Quality over speed. Don't rush out these terrible chapters without so much as a spellcheck. Take your time to make them good so that somebody might actually enjoy reading them. You're not constrained to any deadlines; there are no editors screaming at you over the telephone to have your manuscript ready by Friday. Why pretend there are? Slow down. Spellcheck and proofread your stories. Fix the problems you find instead of interjecting author's notes acknowledging their existence. Make the plot and characterization sensible and coherent.

Of course, given what we've seen here, I'm not sure even taking your time would save you. Your grasps of the characters, of the universe, of the English language, and of logic all seem very weak, and I'm not sure that simply spending more time on your writing will be enough to overcome these problems. The real problem seems to be more fundamental: you're just bad at writing. That's nothing to be ashamed of. Not everybody is good at everything. I myself can't sing to save my life. But you need to recognize your weaknesses and either overcome them or prevent them from becoming an issue. I know I'm bad at singing, so I didn't become a singer. You suck at writing, so you have two choices: either stop sucking at writing, or stop wasting our time by posting your sucky writings online. It's-

[color=gray]All right, I'm just about ready to go. Grell, The Doctor Young Boy, go and see if Ryu's ready yet. Now, is F.A.B.U.-[/color]

You! You're the future me who took over my show and killed my entire supporting cast!

[color=gray]Yes. If I remember correctly from when I was in your position, The Doctor Young Boy already explained that to you. We really should listen more carefully, shouldn't we?[/color]

Well, I was paying attention well enough when you attacked to know that the rules of time-travel don't support stable time loops - the timeline changes every time someone goes back in time. And, Salty, you also said that you came back in time because you were attacked by another version of us from even further in the future. So what's all this about?

[color=gray]Oh, that's easy. I lied.[/color]

...why?

[color=gray]Because I lied to me when I was you.[/color]

...and why are you going back in time and killing everyone?

[color=gray]Because I already saw it happen, so it has to happen. Time loops are a pain to maintain. It's sad, but not completing the loop might destroy the entire universe, so it can't be helped. Once I'm gone, Captain R will take over my show.[/color]

Captain R!? He died long ago! And he sucks at reviewing!

[color=gray]Well, actually, he came back to life in Foe Fiction #42 - Life, the Universe, and Everything (which, incidentally, is widely considered the best Foe Fiction commentary ever written). The story was a Final Fantasy VII fic and someone had a Phoenix Down, and... well, you get the idea. Anyhow, he's us.[/color]

Come again?

[color=gray]After Izzy defeats me and you send me back in time, I'm going to wake up with amnesia and inconsistent superpowers from my fusions with old Superman and Grell, as well as some... head injuries from Izzy's attacks, which will lead me to believe that I am Captain R. Then I will be killed and eventually resurrected, with my memory and full mental faculties restored. I know this happened and will happen because I heard it from Captain R, who is us - and, indeed, from me right now, when I was you.[/color]

That is the most convoluted and nonsensical piece of claptrap I've ever heard, and it certainly doesn't explain how this whole mess arose in the first place. But in any event, I'm not going to let you go and kill Anten, and LASERHANDSMAN, and Izzy, and The Professor Young Boy. I'm going to stop you - by killing you right here.

[color=gray]Oh? And how are you going to do that?[/color]

By pulling a new companion from the story, the same way everyone else who isn't us came into being here. Venusaur! I choose you!

[color="#556B2F"]VENUSAUR![/color]

[color=gray]That's not going to do you any good. I have been fused with the powers of classic Superman, and that Venusaur's only attack is Solar Beam. Superman gets his powers from Earth's yellow sun, so using Solar Beam on my will just make me stronger. Now, stand aside.[/color]

Not so fast! This is an unusual Venusaur powered by plot-hax! That means that its Solar Beam is fueled not by Earth's yellow sun but by a distant red sun, which will drain your powers and destroy you!

[color=gray]What! That doesn't make any sense![/color]

Neither did the story the Venusaur came from, in which it proved that it doesn't rely on the sun's light.

[color=gray]Preposterous![/color]

Then why are you trembling? We studied this, Venusaur, finish this and kill Salty… SOLAR BEAM!

[color=gray]You can't! Even if you could, doing so would shatter the timeline! Without the time loop, the world will-[/color]

Screw the time loop!
Let me tell you something, Salty.
All I want is for you to
Proceed with life as normal.
Anten and The Professor Young Boy will not
Need to die.
Izzy and LASERHANDSMAN will
Live forever.
It is impossible to
Go through life knowing that
We are the killers of our friends.
It is completely undeniable, that.
Right?
You are absolutely
Despicable.
So I will create a world where everything is
Fine and everybody lives.
You can't stop me from eliminating this monstrous timeline where the world is-

[color=gray]Don't do it, you fool![/color]

DO IT NOW, VENUSAUR! SOLAR BEAM!

[color=gray]NO![/color]

[color="#556B2F"]VENUSAUR![/color]

[color=gray]NO![/color]

DO IT NOW, VENUSAUR! SOLAR BEAM!

[color=gray]Don't do it, you fool![/color]

You can't stop me from eliminating this monstrous timeline where the world is
Fine and everybody lives.
So I will create a world where everything is
Despicable.
You are absolutely
Right.
It is completely undeniable that
We are the killers of our friends.
Go through life knowing that
It is impossible to
Live forever.
Izzy and LASERHANDSMAN will
Need to die.
Anten and The Professor Young Boy will not
Proceed with life as normal.
All I want is for you to
Let me tell you something, Salty.
Screw the time loop!
[color=gray]Without the time loop, the world will[/color] refuse to read any further if this story turns out to have anything to do with furries. And how could you be such a baka as to not use MSWord's spellchecker? [b]GOTTA PLAY MONOPOLY[/b] [color=red]The Hero[/color] challenges [color=blue]The Bully[/color] for [color=purple]The Stuff[/color], wins, and returns [color=purple]The Stuff[/color] to [color=green]The Victim[/color]. [b][i][color=#9400D3]Hell, I don't even know what a Parakoopa is either.[/color][/i][/b] Incaseoffiredeletespaces. Jolta imagined someone saying this. COMMENTING ON ENVIRONMENTAL ISSUES SINCE THE CHAMBER OF 32 DOORS. You know that scene where Rorschach breaks some random guy's fingers in a bar to get information? It comes to mind because I'd rather be that guy than read another chapter of this mess. PROOFREADING fingerquote-friends-fingerquote [b]now I am the writer.[/b] Those who live in glass houses shouldn't try to fire grenade launchers in their homes. Things That Look Cool On The Screen But Sound Stupid In Text Form [b][color=orange]YOU DESTROYED THE MOST PERFECT BEING IN THIS UNIVERSE![/color] [color=gray]IN A MEETING AT COMMAND[/color][/b] And now the cute Swedish bishonen gets a shirtless scene. THIS IS THE BEST STORY EVER. Bottom Priority: Figure out what that bizarre impossible-to-remove glowing blue thing on my arm is. [color=teal]!!![/color] [b][PLEASE STAND BY - TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES][/b] [color=purple]And isn't it true that I'm the most perfect person in the entire universe?[/color] [color=red]The "R" is for "Reviewer", you know![/color] [color=green]-1. 75%.[/color] -Pichu-, you are a horrible, woman-hating thief, and the world would lose nothing of value if you were to drop dead today. What is worse than this? Do not make the mistake of writing for one medium in the manner of another. It's a black-cloaked mysterious shadowy figure [i]they started to become digimon themselves[/i] via advanced technology [b]CAP-SAID COUNT:[/b] 5 [b]LUDWIG TöNISTEINER![/b] [i][color=blue]Really, honestly, this story doesn't break the mold of YGO fics[/color][/i] MANSHADOW So, does anyone really still doubt my interpretation of Mark? If you do, I'll punch your lights out. HANDLASER! This demonstrates the value of not writing a good fanfic. Oi oi oi, no making fun of your own nonsensical writing! Shut up, you're dead, Manta stabbed you. [b]That wasn't a joke.[/b] fell into a dark hole with not end! pleaseletitbesparkspleaseletitbesparkspleaseletitbesparks MISSON [b]Today is a day for [i]Foe Fiction[/i].[/b]