Pokemon Amyhtest Version

[~Kip~]

[spoiler=plot]
When a boy and his sister are separated from their home in a storm, they floats to a new region. There, the professor of that region, Professor T-Bone, takes care of them. When they turn 10, they are offered gifts from Professor T-Bone. With these gifts they will travel the Joanne region and become masters. Or will they? Only time will tell.
[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Major Character Bios]
[spoiler=Peter]
Biography: Peter was separated from his family when he was just six. His sister was the same age, who came with him. After a while, Professor T-Bone began to take care of them. Now he's ten, and is allowed to get a Pokemon from Professor T-Bone, along with his sister. He chose Budew, the Grass-Type Pokemon, and with it, he would like to become a Pokemon Master.

Achievements: NONE

Pokemon On Team:

Budew - This is Peter's first Pokemon. He received it in Guaya Town from Professor T-Bone. Now, his friends make fun of him for not choosing Magby, which could evolve into a Magmortar. Peter says he likes his Budew very well and battles them. In this match, it is shown that Budew knows Tackle, Growth and Absorb. This means Budew is a very powerful Pokemon and is a great addition to Peter's team.
[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Cassandra]
Biography: She and Peter were washed away from their home when they were only six. After a while, the mysterious Pokemon Professor of the region, Professor T-Bone, decided to take care of them. Now she's ten, and is allowed to get a Pokemon from Professor T-Bone. She chose Magby, the Fire-type Pokemon, and with it, she would like to be a Pokemon Master.

Achievements: NONE

Pokemon On Team:

Magby - This was Cassandra's first Pokemon. She received it in Guaya Town from Professor T-Bone. It's real strengths have not been shown since it has not been in battle.
[/spoiler]
[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Chapter One: Budew, Magby, and Azurill!]

Peter had been woken up by being shaken by Cassandra. Her beautiful blond hair shone in the morning sun, and her pale face was cute that morning.

"Wake up, sleepy-head, it's time to choose our Pokemon," said Cassnadra in a stern voice. This made Peter jump. He was excited that today was the day he and Cassandra would pick their Pokemon. His blue pajamas were all wrinkled as he walked down to the lab. He had brown hair that waved a bit in the wind, and his blue eyes were appealing to the ladies.

"Hello, dad. Do you have our Pokemon yet?" Peter asked hastily.

"Yes, they're right here," replied Professor T-Bone. He pulled out a box with three Poke-Balls and released the contents. One was a Budew, another was a Magby, and the last was an Azurill.

"I want the Grass one!" yelled Peter hastily. The professor gave him Budew, it's Poke-Ball, five other Poke-Balls, and a Pokedex. Peter walked off to go play outside. His sister grabbed a Magby, six Poke-Balls, and a Pokedex, and followed Peter out the door.

"Hey, loser, did you really pick Budew as your starter?" asked one of the boys outside.

"Budew's a fine Pokemon as it is."

"LOSER!" yelled all the boys in succession.

Peter brought out Budew, and one of the other boys brought out their Haunter.

"Haunter, use Shadow Ball!" yelled the boy. The Haunter gathered up Dark energy and shot it at Peter's Budew.

"Dodge, then use Absorb!" said Peter. The Budew shot a red beam at the Haunter, which sucked it's energy out and gave it to Budew. The Haunter then used a Shadow Claw, which hit the Budew. Budew then used Growth and Absorb, which did a bit more damage and healed it's HP again. It finished off the Haunter with a final absorb.

The boy returned his Pokemon. He then ran after the Budew and stole it, which failed because the Budew had then used Absorb on him. The other boys were laughing, and soon Cassandra joined in. They all laughed until it was time for Peter to eat lunch. Cassandra and Peter went inside to eat.

Professor T-Bone started a nice conversation. "What did you two do today?" he asked politely.

"Rick tried calling me a loser because I picked Budew instead of Magby. After I beat him, he tried stealing Budew, who hit him with Absorb."

After lunch, the two packed their bags. They were going off to their journey. They each brought two eggs, biscuits, and half of a can of corned beef. They left, hoping to start their Pokemon journey together, like brother and sister should be. They disappeared after saying a final goodbye to their town, and they promised that they will represent their town in the Joanne League.

After a few hours of walking, they ran into a wild Zubat. Peter decided to try and catch it. He threw out Budew, who he ordered an Absorb attack from. It shot a red beam at the Zubat which sucked it's HP out. This healed itself. The Zubat countered with a Wing Attack. This sent Budew flying. Peter ordered a Tackle attack, which did quite a bit of damage to the Zubat. Peter then threw a Poke-Ball at the Zubat. The ball dropped, and then shook... 1... 2... 3... DING! The Zubat was caught. Peter and Cassandra moved on through the grassland.

After a few more hours, Peter and Cassandra got hungry. Cassandra made Peter cook, and the corned beef he cooked turned out perfect. They then decided to train. Peter took to a tree, and Cassandra took to the stream.

Peter sent Zubat out, and Cassandra sent out Magby. A wild Surskit shifted down the river, and Cassandra wanted it for herself. She ordered a Flamethrower from Magby, who missed because Surskit elegantly dodged. She got frustrated by this and called over Peter for Zubat's help. Peter ordered Zubat to grab the Surskit and bring it onto shore, which it did. The Surskit was then hit by a Flamethrower attack, and countered with Water Gun. THis hurt Magby quite a bit. Another Flamethrower almost knocked it out. Cassandra thre her Poke-Ball, and the Surskit was caught.

They then had a battle to see who was stronger as of right then. Peter sent in Zubat, and Cassandra sent in Surskit. They knew this would be a tough battle.
[/spoiler]

Sorry it's kind of short, but it's my mom's turn on the computer and she's kicking me off.

[Time Psyduck]

You're better off writing it on word or a similar program, and then just copy&pasting it onto the forum. That way if you need to come off the computer you can save it and come back later, meaning you can make sure your chapter is finished before you post it.

The basic story - new trainers go out to try to be the best - is far from original, although there are a few aspects that make it different. Those, however, need more work. Why was it not possible for the professor to find out where these kids came from and have their family pick them up? Didn't their family report them missing? This is also stuff you should be explaining in the narrative, not in a three line 'plot'. Also, they may have only been 6 when they got lost, but most 10 year olds will have at least some idea of things that happened before then, so they should know full well that the professor is not their father - and yet they call him that anyway. Why?

Peter's eyes do not appeal to the ladies. He's 10, unless they think he's a cute little boy and want to adopt him, the ladies aren't attracted to him. On the other hand, the description of Cassandra, being from his viewpoint, sounds a little strong to me, considering they're siblings.

There really needs to be more description of events. The battles seem like reports of something that happened, rather than scenes which I'm watching. Have the trainers give the attack, or if you find that's getting repetitive or it's a wild pokémon, have someone else comment on what attack it's using. Also, give more descriptions of what's happening, for example when the boy tried to steal budew, what was the latter doing? How close was the boy to reaching it?

Are these kids friends of your heroes or not? Was them calling him 'loser' a friendly joke or serious bullying? Either way, why would they? Also, did they really spend the whole morning laughing because someone got attacked by a pokémon, and on the day they're leaving home? And when did Peter changed out of his pyjamas?"

A few eggs and biscuits and a can of corned beef is going to last two people a day at most. Unless they're going to be hitting places they can get food every day, and will have the money to but some, they need to take more. You're better off not describing the food they took, unless you write a scene with them packing where some of it comes up for some reason. I'm guessing Peter is the better cook, since Cassandra left it to him and he got the corned beef 'perfect', but you could mention this, or better yet have one of your characters mention it.

What tree? What stream? They were in grassland, and unless you mention them we don't know they're there. Also, why aren't they on a road or path? The games may force you to walk though long grass, but in reality people would have opened up a route between any two places people were likely to go between with any frequency. They'll still find wild pokémon just off the road/path.

Cassandra has very little patience, calling over Peter and Zubat because Surskit dodged one attack.

Magby was noticeably injured fighting the Surskit, which itself was nearly knocked out. Why on earth would Cassandra just agree to a battle, especially when they're in the middle of nowhere, it's apparently getting late, and they might need those monsters again before they reach somewhere they can treat them properly?

Oh, and it's spelt 'Amethyst'.

[valliant12]

It seems rushed to me.

[---------------]

Can't really say much more than Time Psyduck.

So, either edit, or change the name to Pokemon Amethyst / Opal Version [/loljk], or you shall not recieve Atman's Seal of Approval.