Naruto: The Runaway. Chapter 2 is up.

[Magnet Soldier]

I hope it's alright, first Fanfic. Been on the RP Forum for ages now and wanted to see something else.

[spoiler=Theme tune(All good RPs should have one. Then again, I wouldn't really know!) Pillar, The runaway]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOrv4nfyqFQ&p=80788D5D4A5C0180&index=11[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Chapter 1: Misuka, the exceptional one]All it takes is one mistake. Just one. Then it's all over. One big kablam.

That certainly happened for Misuka. One big Kablam. Literally.

[i]Here he comes. He's surrounded.[/i] Misuka sighed as the radio transmission came through. He knew the guy was there, he'd just seen him in the window, and Kadune knew it. Kadune was just too serious. "Got it, I have Eyeball." Misuka replied. He sat up properly and looked at their target. Kadune, although he was the best Chunin at genjutsu in Konoha and was acting serious and perfectly fine, was nervous. Misuka could tell. A little sense of his. Perhaps he was psychic. Nah, Misuka didn't believe such things. Misuka was just very sharp and great at psycology, aswell as being one of the best and Ninjutsu in the whole village, not just among the Chunin. He didn't beat the Hokage, no way, and could no more match a Jounin in speed of body and strength than talk to a rock, he was extremely fast with mind and hands, and that's what mattered. Many said he had the makings of a Hokage, and the fact he seemed psychic seemed to add to that. Anyway, he and his two teamates - Kadune and Mesaga, the best taijutsu user out of the Chunin in that team(They were the team with the greatest potential in the village, and that was why they were on an A ranked mission, the 7th one, each of the others being successfully completed perfectly, with all of them barely getting a scratch. However, that didn't mean they were perfect. Both of his teamates were nervous on this one.) - were after an A ranked criminal, though close to becoming an S-ranked, and had to make sure it was perfectly planned, and that they were all ready. Misuka was the calmest of them all, all the time infact, and held them together. He was also the team leader, a lucky coincidence. Misuka sighed. "Ready?" He asked, not needing an answer. He knew what they'd say, and he knew they'd be lying. "Let's go." And they entered the restaurant, Mesaga from the kitchens, Misuka from the main window, already forming a hand seal, and Kadune throught he front door, his Byakugan already active('Another lucky coincidence', he had joked before, 'our only way to defeat genjutsu is a master of it himself.), all of them completely unexpecting what happened next. The man had a ton of paper bombs attached to him, as did the other people in the restaurant, and just before the people changed into copies of the man, Kadune shouted, "Crap! There all clones." And then, the bombs exploded.[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Chapter 2: Neduna, the Gunman]"He's not here. I'm telling you."
"He is, I can tell."
"How? We've searched the whole building, and cant find a scrap of Chak-"
The Jounin was cut off by a bullet in his throat.
"Well, you were right, I am here." The Assailant said, grinning from under his hood. "Though you should be honoured I'm showing myself." A bullet shot followed the assailant's words, and the living Jounin just managed to avoid it, making hand seals as he hid behind a wall.
"Fire Style, Phoenix Flower Justu!" The Jounin Shouted as he leaped from behind the wall, fireballs erupting from his mouth as he went. Each of them was met by a blast of Ice erupting from the barrel of the Assailants revolver.
"Ice shot Jutsu." The assailant had muttered, just before the Jounin and reappeared. Now the Assailant was grinning more, and started moving from his current position, walking first, but gaining speed. He was following the Jounin, who was running while shooting fireballs from his mouth, each being met by an Ice bullet. The Jounin wondered how the Assailant could fit so many bullets into a revolver, when the Assailant reloaded, so fast the Jounin nearly missed it. [i]He's fast with his hands. I wonder how fast he is on his feet.[/i] The Jounin questioned, gaining speed. He jumped out of a window at the edge of the corridor along which he'd been running, halting the stream of fire that had been spraying from his mouth. He ran faster now through the empty streets of the abandoned town. But he couldn't seem to lose the assailant.
"Die, jounin." The Assailant muttered, forming his spare hand into a handseal and muttering, "Fire Shot jutsu." As he said this the end of his barrel changed from a frozen hole to a flaming pit, and every bullet that emerged from the barrel was engulfed in flames, and created a mini explosion as they came into contact with a solid objects.

The Jounin had been running for nearly 2 hours now, and was in the forest, panting his way past the trees, but was still having to duck from bolts of electricity. The gunman had now changed from fire bullets to water and stone bullets before coming onto 'Thunder Shot Jutsu', and was now more accurate than ever. The jounin also noticed that the Gunman seemed to still be running on full, and could be heard laughing a few yards behind the Jounin. [i]I'm going to have to stop soon. And the I'll have to fight him. Though I doubt I'll win.[/i] The Jounin said to himself, placing his hands together for the start of a series of handseals.[/spoiler]

[Magnet Soldier]

BUMP. Come on, someone atleast vote in the poll!

[Magnet Soldier]

Anyone? Come on, I need some advice on the good points and bad points of this chapter, so I'll know how to edit the next one.

[.Requiem]

Word of advice when writing dialect use the below example.

Example:

There was a shining object on the ground which Kenny doesn't see everyday. Kenny's curiosity got the best of him. Picking it up Kenny found out it was a trap then a clicking was made. Suddenly there was a massive explosion sending the limbs of Kenny everywhere in the trees and landing in the snow.

A boy walked over yelling, "You bastards, you killed Kenny!"

"Wow that sucks, let's go play a game," said another boy

Whenever starting dialect you want to start a new line. When another line of dialect comes that starts a new line.

[Magnet Soldier]

Ah. Not allowed to do that in the RP section, but I'll use it in the next chapter. Thanks for the advice. Also, when that's used in books and stuff, they usually dont put a gap between the lines. Eg.
"Hello bob."
"Hello bill."

Not: "Hello bob."

"Hello bill."

(Crap example, but gets the message across.)

[.Requiem]

Some books do that, I think. Also give more to the chapter so people have more to read instead of paragraph.

[Magnet Soldier]

K, thanks. I'm making the next chapter now.