Trio of DEF

[Fusion X. Denver]

Ah shoot. I told?

I don't get why I'd leave out others reactions though.

Lyrics were a plot device to switch between what everyone was doing really.

And Hollowblade was El's weapon in CK. I don't know if I should try to do a human counterpart for him because I never knew him and he'd probably be one of those characters that people would want an accurate characterization of or it'd be ruined.

[Sploda]

@Fusion

You obviously never read the old CK thread throughly or the old FTK thread.

 

Perhaps the second FTK thread?

 

READ PERSON, READ!

[DL]

That is true, a little research could do well.

 

 

Also...hold on, lemee get ONE sentece with THREE tells. (yes there is one)

 

“Fusion! There you are, you-” El stopped, halting in his tracks. Everyone who had stumbled upon the scene was frozen, unbelieving of the dreaded scene. The shock and despair hung in the room, like a humid blanket of misery.

 

 

Also

 

I would not be crying.

 

I would be silently grieving.

 

There was show too, so kudos on that.

[Fusion X. Denver]

You stifled a sob...it was quiet >.>

And now I see what you mean. But I've seen figurative description like that last sentence in stories before so when IS it okay to use it?

[Sploda]

You stifled a sob...it was quiet >.>

And now I see what you mean. But I've seen figurative description like that last sentence in stories before so when IS it okay to use it?

 

What DL isn't telling you is that sometimes Telling IS OKAY. Sometimes the feel of the scene can't be shown and must be told.

 

I would know, my Creative writing teacher last year got angry at me for NOT telling enough.

[Fusion X. Denver]

So do telling when you feel that the general emotion or whatever isn't obvious?

[Sploda]

So do telling when you feel that the general emotion or whatever isn't obvious?

 

Yes, but don't tell to much. Just enough to imply the mood/feeling you want to give.

[Fusion X. Denver]

So tell only when needed, but in moderation.

Got it.

[Spirit of DMG]

*Gibbsslaps DL* That's for failing epically.

[Fusion X. Denver]

Nah, DL didn't fail. It's constructive criticism.

Though I want to hear from him WHEN it's okay to tell, though Creator explained it well.

And what was wrong with listing people's reactions to it .__.

[Sploda]

Nah, DL didn't fail. It's constructive criticism.

Though I want to hear from him WHEN it's okay to tell, though Creator explained it well.

And what was wrong with listing people's reactions to it .__.

 

From the scene that they stumbled upon, having El stop mid-sentence portrayed the group's reaction well. Other ways to have done this was to have one of them bow their head, another turn away while the others rushed to Chris's side.

 

This would have given just enough tell to show the reader how the group felt.

[Fusion X. Denver]

That would work. So I'll try doing that for another scene.

If need be.

[Sploda]

That would work. So I'll try doing that for another scene.

If need be.

 

Just grant me one of two requests:

 

1. Make Creator at least SEEM more human by actually having a relationship (you know the type I mean).

2. DON'T kill me off in the chapter before the last one.

[Fusion X. Denver]

1. Aight.

2. I have something else planned for you.

[Sploda]

1. Aight.

2. I have something else planned for you.

 

also people it can't be with:

 

1. Cherry (Powerforce would kill you and me)

2. Clair (Andx would kill me, then bring me back for others to kill me)

3. Anyone related to Deus (I swear...)

4. Some really bratty girl who is more beauty than intellect (remember Brains>Beauty but don't make her ugly as fu*k).

5. No guys (That will require a house call for you from me, where I personally kill you and your family).

[DL]

Oh

 

No, it's fine to SHOW us the reactions, not telling us they were sad AS you were showing them. Rogue's reaction was the best, tho, since it didn't have much telling involved.

 

As for the telling thing, Creator is basically right.

 

 

 

MY Creative Writing teacher said "Remember, everything you learn in this class is a "shouldn't" not a "can't". You CAN tell, and it's actually good to tell one or twice in several paragraphs"

 

And sometimes, there is nothing to it BUT to tell.

 

 

I tell when there is no way out of it, usually because I am not good enough to SHOW the moment.

 

 

But usually when trying to express emotion, or some feeling, showing makes a bigger impact.

 

 

 

 

Also, I have told you it's sometimes good to tell for exposition, which is better than "As You Know"

 

 

 

ALSO

 

 

I have noted a LOT of your dialogue seems...a bit unnatural (I have noted this before)

 

I mean, what's with Xazeon's "Have you two f*cked yet?"

 

That's slightly funny, considering their reaction, but it feels WAY forced an unnatural.

 

And that's one of the lesser things. I can slightly understand Cortez saying stuf like he does in battles...but talking about Marvel and DC in a battle is STILL pushing it.

[Sploda]

@DL

1. Xazeon obv had nothing else to talk about. That happens when you get bored.

2. What Cortez does actually isn't all that uncommon irl.

[Fusion X. Denver]

1. Pairing her up with Black, no worries.

2. Pairing her up with Dark, then Dane, then Leo, the-

*shot*

3. Deus has a family?

...

*goes to make character design for Deustoda*

4. DEF doesn't need another Danni.

5. I have nothing against gays, but there will be no gay relationships in the story.

 

I'm surprised you're looking for a love interest though, you always say something about being too busy for a girl >.>

EDIT: Xazeon wanted to get a rise out of them, so he asked that.

Cortez would do that in a battle :T

But I hear you.

[Sploda]

1. Pairing her up with Black, no worries.

2. Pairing her up with Dark, then Dane, then Leo, the-

*shot*

3. Deus has a family?

...

*goes to make character design for Deustoda*

4. DEF doesn't need another Danni.

5. I have nothing against gays, but there will be no gay relationships in the story.

 

I'm surprised you're looking for a love interest though, you always say something about being too busy for a girl >.>

Notice there is a difference between interest and actually having a girlfriend.

 

And I've had a gf for awhile now, we just don't call each other that.

 

I'm a Human, Fusion, not a machine.

[Fusion X. Denver]

Wait, you have a girlfriend?

That's cool bro.

And I know you're not a machine, I got this xD

[Sploda]

Wait, you have a girlfriend?

That's cool bro.

And I know you're not a machine, I got this xD

But

 

you always say something about being too busy for a girl

 

Surprisingly enough, this is a good way to start out a relationship in a story.

 

ex: char A has little time for char B but char B doesn't give up and uses talents and such to catch eye of char A thus leading to a slowly budding love-hate relationship that ends up as either love or dead.

 

>_>

<_<

 

Did I mention the story I'm working on is a romance?

[Blake]

1. Pairing her up with Black, no worries.

2. Pairing her up with Dark, then Dane, then Leo, the-

*shot*

*Beats with Mr. Fish, until Mr. Fish evolves int oGyarados*

 

@Creator:

AndxxClair =/= Canon.

ClairxCherry = Canon

[Fusion X. Denver]

You're writing a romance?

Kill your first girlfriend off to hook them in the story.

That is a good way, true.

I'll get brainstorming.

EDIT: Maybe I should have 1 lesbian couple...

Not a bad thing, right?

[DL]

1. Pairing her up with Black, no worries.

2. Pairing her up with Dark, then Dane, then Leo, the-

*shot*

THEN DL >:U

3. Deus has a family?

...

*goes to make character design for Deustoda*

4. DEF doesn't need another Danni.

5. I have nothing against gays, but there will be no gay relationships in the story.

 

I'm surprised you're looking for a love interest though, you always say something about being too busy for a girl >.>

EDIT: Xazeon wanted to get a rise out of them, so he asked that.

Cortez would do that in a battle :T

But I hear you.

Nah, I actually want to see these relationships at the end of DEF

 

DLxKari (or...Kana? How're you gonna work that out? DL is obsessed with Kari, and Kana likes DL a bit)

FusionxClair

ElxRui

 

 

 

ALSO

 

 

Fusion

 

Deus has a family

 

Mathuzalen (Maths) and Johnny are his bros.

 

He has a sister, and like 3 pets.

 

 

And he has pics for all of them

 

Might wanna ask him about em.

 

EDIT:

 

>:UUU

 

BLACK

 

AND CHERRY

 

MAKES BLACK CHERRY

 

WHICH EQUALS BLACKBERRY

 

WHICH IS A PHONE

 

Phone = text = cyber = sex

 

So Black + Cherry = sex

 

>:U

[Blake]

... Not answering...

 

Go with canon or nothing.

 

Also

 

NEEDS MORE CAEDA.