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Guest Fusion X. Denver

By Guest Fusion X. Denver
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Guest Fusion X. Denver
Guest Fusion X. Denver

Read Trio of DEF here!   This was a story about my lovable YCM buddies and myself in a real-world setting and the wacky misadventures we went through. Some random members, even ones that may not hav

Guest Fusion X. Denver
Guest Fusion X. Denver

About Elfman, what else was I supposed to use from El >.> I got the name from Fairy Tail, I thought it was unique :/ Plus, it'd give him a reason to make people call him El and nothing else Abo

Lt. Colonel Remo
Lt. Colonel Remo

Hopefully not about but secks?

Spirit of DMG Newbie

Spirit of DMG

Posted
Posted

Trust me, it's easy to be here and do midterms. I've done it. Mainly because I never had to study in order to pass anything. No, really, I never studied at all in my school career, and I was still 53 out of 150-something in graduation. I might have even been Valedictorian if I cared enough about school to give more than 70%...

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Ice. Newbie

Ice.

Posted
Posted

Trust me, it's easy to be here and do midterms. I've done it. Mainly because I never had to study in order to pass anything. No, really, I never studied at all in my school career, and I was still 53 out of 150-something in graduation. I might have even been Valedictorian if I cared enough about school to give more than 70%...

 

The funny part of this is that Fuse isn't you.

 

LEAVE YCM AND STUDY MISTER.

 

Other news, passed and aced my Math and Science Midterms.

 

History one in 4 days. >_>

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DL  Contributor

DL 

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[spoiler=Chapter 21: A Chaotic Christmas with Review]

Black was sulking this fine Christmas afternoon.

 

Boring sentence is boring. And the fact you called the Christmas afternoon fine makes me almost sick.

 

Come on, "fine"? what's "fine" about it? You give us no description beyond "it's fine".

 

He had a delightful morning with his mother and sister, sure. He enjoyed his new puppy to accompany Andex, sure.

 

Maybe you meant "to keep Andx company"?

 

But nothing made him sulk worse

 

Those things made him sulk?

 

Now I know what you're trying to say here but that's the impression I got.

 

than learning the dreadful news.

 

They be so dreadful.

 

Why not JUST say "the news"?

 

"What do you MEAN I can't be Dark Glass in the Christmas play?"

 

Why did he just repeat what was just told to him off screen? Why couldn't you just have shown us the person TELLING Black he couldn't be Dark Glass in the Christmas play in the first place?

 

In front of him stood his friend Jake, an adult-like teenager dressed in black winter clothing and a matching hat over his dark hair who dreaded in sharing the regretful news that the Jack Atlas for their play had came down with pneumonia.

 

This exposition by narrator wouldn't have been necessary if this had opened with "Black, I'm sorry....but you can't be Dark Glass in the Christmas play. The Jack Atlas came down with pneumonia...

 

On a side note, why would they pick him to be Jack when he was practicing for Dark Glass? Usually they pick someone NOT already in the play as an important character, so as to cause, you know, less trouble for them. "Okay, you be Jack, when you were practicing for Dark Glass all this time. This guy becomes Dark Glass in your place." it overcomplicates things more than just a "Okay, this guy will fill in for Jack".

 

"I'm sorry Black, but we need a Jack Atlas for the 5Ds Christmas play and you're the only one with fitting hair

 

Wigs don't exist?

 

and who knows all the lines.

 

Why the heck would he? I've been in plays before, and I don't take the trouble to memorize the others' lines.

 

But come on, Jack's awesome!"

 

...Eh, more convincing than his past two arguments.

 

"Yes he is, but I really wanted to be Dark Glass..." Black sulked. "If I have no choice, then fine, but who'll be Dark Glass in my place?"

 

"Zero Ranmyaku,

 

I'm sure Black knows Zero, so why not just say Zero?

 

Now THAT'S me being nitpicky ^

 

he has close enough hair

 

Nope, wigs don't exist.

 

and he was free to help u-" He stopped when he noticed Black had begun muttering incomprehensible complaints in the corner of his dressing room.

 

In an anime that might work as a comedic effect, but this isn't an anime. It's a written work. And stuff like that works better when there's a camera.

 

"Uh, anyway, it'll be fine and remember,

 

I wonder if a comma is missing here...

 

it's the show that comes first.

 

FORGET YOUR DEPRESSION, THE SHOW COMES FIRST.

 

Now get dressed, we start our final rehearsal in 20."

 

"But Jake, Zero was sent to the hospital the other day, how is he already fit to perform?"

 

More like, what kind of doctors would allow him to?

 

Black asked.

 

"Zero's a reckless monster, trying to perform with wounds like that. I'd say no to him performing, but we really are short-handed, so we'll have to make do."

 

A responsible person would not let him perform.

 

SCREW RESPONSIBILITY, THE SHOW MUST GO ON

 

Shut up Jake.

 

"Dude always copies or steals something from me..." Black muttered.

 

I'm pretty sure just one of those verbs was necessary, either copies or steals. But it's not like he's TRYING to copy/steal Dark Glass. Then again, not like we're ever given an explanation as to why Zero is playing Dark Glass beyond "he has similar hair".

 

Jake sighed, closing the door behind him. Will this really be okay? It's been hard rehearsing with all the crap that's going on, but I hope we put on a good show...

 

Every time I joke about the Jake in the story thinking the play is more important than everything, I feel I'm overreacting. And every time, he proves me wrong.

 

He noticed a blue dog walking by, with a pipe in its mouth.

 

total everyday stuff. With curiosity getting the better of him, he knelt down to pet the strange creature,

 

I suppose for someone whose life is centered around being inside his room rehearsing plays, a dog WOULD be a strange creature.

 

"That you Andex? What's with the pipe?" He gently took the pipe and examined it, but soon realized it held no tobacco,

 

He was actually expecting tobacco?

 

for it was a bubble pipe. Chuckling, he gave it back, "You're more interesting than other dogs, eh Andex? Only you would smoke a pipe over chewing a bone."

 

And the fact he's blue is totally common and uninteresting.

 

Andex contorted his jaws into a smirk and walked into Black's room, leaving a bubbly trail in his wake.

 

Jake walked down the hall and ran into Creator and Nexev in a debate. "Well what do you know, it's our very own Tech Division and Orgy leaders, what's up?"

 

Nexev turned to him, "Ice, Dane, and I don't want to work with some of the guys."

 

Jake's eyes widened, "What on earth for!

 

Screw question marks!

 

We need you for the Christmas show tonight!"

 

Creator said, "These idiots had a fight with Powerforce and went off to start their own faction and now they don't feel like working with us!"

 

Jake deflated, "Powerforce had a split? That sucks and all, but can't you overlook your differences for just tonight?"

 

"We'd be fine, but I don't like their attitude, or this guy's," Nexev pointed to Creator grumpily.

 

"I don't even know why you guys left!" Creator yelled angrily. "Don't go taking your anger out on me when you have a problem with Cherry and Black or whoever else you're pissed at!"

 

"This is RP.820, damn it!" yelled Jake. "Don't drag us into this quarrel, just please, I beg you, forget your differences for one night and play this out?"

 

Forget your feuds and quarrels, the play is more important!

 

"Come on guys," a voice said behind them. The group turned to see Aqua wearing a maroon wig

 

Are you sure you shouldn't have gotten someone with maroon hair to play the part? Obviously wigs are SO out of style.

 

and matching clothing, "We were all having fun and getting ready just a short bit ago, don't you want to put on a good show?"

 

FINALLY SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS

 

Damn it, Jake, go away.

 

"No one really asked for your input Aqua," Creator mouthed off to her. "I'm just mad because I don't see why this split was necessary."

 

"You know what, let's just drop it," Nexev declared. "Arguing never amounts to anything, so for now, we'll settle our differences and give one hell of a Christmas show." Everyone dispersed, except for Aqua who was a little peeved at Creator. She stormed down the hall until she saw a blond woman reading her script with deep concentration.

 

Obviously the best place to concentrate is in the middle of the hall, which will most likely be busy due to the fact the play is about to start.

 

"Hey Rachel, ready to show them a good Sherry?"

 

I'm ready to say Aqua has ADHD. I mean, she was just a "little peeved" which caused her to "storm down the hall" and now she's all like "YOOOO WASUP?! YOU GONNA DO GOOD IN TEH PLAY? :D

 

Rachel looked up and set her red eyes onto Aqua, "Yeah, I think I've memorized my lines perfectly enough, I just want to cover up any remaining flaws before showtime."

 

"Eh, you'll be fine," Aqua smiled as she passed her. She rounded the corner and saw a teenager with white hair arguing with someone who was a tad shorter with spiky black hair. "Ken, Brox, you're fighting too? Why?"

 

That's all the description you're getting, reader. "ONE HAZ WHITE HAIR TEH OTHER HAZ BLACK SPIKY HAIR K"

 

Brox whipped around, "Ken says the lightning effects will be too much for my arrival, so he wants to cut it out!"

 

Ken rebutted, "The last rehearsal left YCM's copy machine broken, remember how much trouble we got in? I say it's a bit dangerous, I don't want to risk frying my a*s up on stage."

 

Maybe the time to argue this would be, you know, some time before the final rehearsal?

 

Aqua sighed, "Take it up with Director then, just be ready in 15 minutes." She left them to their own devices and nearly bumped into a kid wearing a green and white-striped hat on top a blond head of hair matching his green kimono.

 

HOLY SHIZ, IT'S KISUKE URAHARA

 

"Oh, hey Aqua, how's it hanging?"

 

"You look awfully relaxed Hayate," Aqua noticed.

 

Maybe 'commented' would have gone over better.

 

"You're not even in costume yet, will you be ready for rehearsal?"

 

"Oh please, I got this!"

 

b**** bettah recognize.

 

he waved a small fan as he continued walking. "Did you get that invite to see the play my other theater group is running?"

 

"Oh yeah, I'll be there come showtime!" Aqua smiled. She finally reached her dressing room and sat down in front of her mirror. As she dabbed her make-up on, she glanced at the picture hung on the right side of it. It held a picture of Aqua and Kari in their younger years holding a baby Kana that was squirting her milk bottle at the cameraman.

 

This is some good characterization. I mean, instead of drinking her milk, she squirts it at the cameraman. I guess she moved on from milk to bricks later in life.

 

Or you just don't know how milk bottles work. Only the part they suck on is bendable, the rest is hard plastic.

 

Her smile drooped as her mind shifted to her sisters.

 

No, because it was already ON her sisters.

 

What did that monster do to you two...

 

Still screwing question marks!

 

Her mind drifted until her vibrating phone snapped her to her senses.

 

Wait, so aside from a single sentence, we're not given any insight into what she's thinking about her sisters?

 

>_>

 

She picked it up and viewed a text message from J.Z, wishing her luck and that he loved her to pieces. Feeling a bit better,

 

As opposed to feeling worse?

 

Come on Fusion, why not just say she smiled?

 

she pocketed her phone and went back to applying her make-up.

__________________________________________________________________

"El, where are we going?" Chris asked his friend as they walked through the wintry streets.

 

That "his friend" part is unnecessary.

 

"I told you dude,

 

El: So I'll tell you again for the benefit of the reader.

 

we're going to Remo's shop for some candy before going to Black's play. You like chocolate right?"

 

"I LOVE chocolate," Chris said, fantasizing about cake, brownies, M&Ms, and the works as they neared the quaint little shop.

 

We know not what the quaint little shop looks like.

 

They entered the building to find Remo behind the counter, casually chilling next to the heater.

 

"Ah, it's you guys. Yo El, I heard about you and Rui, congrats bro!" he said, offering a fist to pump with El's.

 

"Wait, what?" Chris asked. "El, did you and Rui hook up or something?"

 

You'd think he'd have mentioned this sooner to one of his best buds.

 

"Yeah man," El grinned. "She's meeting us in a bit actually, with a friend."

 

Chris thumped El on the back, "Dude, that's awesome! Who's her friend?"

 

"I dunno, but you better entertain her well or this sh*t'll get awkward fast."

 

"Wait, what do you mean?" Chris asked nervously.

 

"As much as it pains me to say this," El started with a sigh. "This is a double date. Rui wanted to set her friend Rosa up with you so-" He was interrupted by Chris shoving him aside and running for the door. El was too quick though and tackled his legs to the ground.

 

Just his legs, not the rest of his body.

 

"Be a man you pussy!"

 

Screw commas!

 

"Dude, I'm not good with girls! This'll be so embarrassing, I can't be a good boyfriend for a girl like that!"

 

You don't even know her.

 

"And this isn't embarrassing?" El asked as he struggled to drag Chris back to the counter. "Come on, what's so tough about talking to a girl?"

 

"You don't know what it's like..." Chris said bitterly. "It's easy for players like you,

 

El is definitely not a player considering how hard it was for him to hook up with Rui.

 

but us nerds don't have it easy. We suck at stuff like this!" He then kicked El's left shoulder so he'd be able to get up. However, in his haste to run away, Chris ran straight into a cupboard of various candies that began to topple.

 

"Not my special shelves!" Remo yelled as he leaped over the counter to catch the falling merchandise. Chris had fallen down to the ground in pain,

 

As opposed to falling down in pleasure?

 

giving El an opening to grapple him again.

 

"You're going on a date tonight and you'll like it!"

 

"You just want me to go so Rui doesn't kill you!"

 

She'd kill him for his friend not wanting to go out with hers?

 

Chris yelled in objection.

 

"EXACTLY. Have you seen Rui when she's mad?

 

She squirts her milk bottle at the cameraman!

 

It's like a real-life Tsunade or something, that scary temper...so yeah, you don't have a say in this."

 

"The hell I don't!" Chris yelled. He quickly shook El off and whipped out his hammer.

 

This is when I start thinking Chris actually has some sort of phobia.

 

"I'm busting out of here!"

 

El grunted and unsheathed the Nugora Sword,

 

He's determined.

 

which had been modified to extend and retract so he could carry it more conveniently, "If you want to play rough, let's go Fusion." The two of them yelled and clashed their weapons, creating sparks that flew over and set Remo's pants on fire. The poor shopkeeper was still preoccupied on keeping the shelves from falling.

 

Remo: SCREW MY PANTS, SAVE THE CANDY

 

"GUYS I'M ON FIRE!" Remo yelled as he let go of the shelves and began running around, jumping in pain. The candy and shelves came crashing down with a clatter, barely fazing El and Chris who were busy swinging at each other.

 

"You big pussy!" yelled El.

 

"You big bully!"

 

He's trying to set you up with a girl. You bring out a hammer and attack him. You ungrateful jerk.

 

Chris yelled back. The two of them dropped their weapons and began smacking each other in the face.

 

What

 

Why the hell would they?

 

Remo was still hopping around looking for the fire extinguisher

 

he works there, why does he not know where it is?

 

when the door was opened.

 

Please remove any further unnecesary "was"s in your story

 

Two girls were laughing with one another, arms locked together.

 

Unless they started laughing just as they entered the store, I'm sure they would have heard two girls laughing outside.

 

The girl on the right was Rui, who was dressed nicely

 

We never get a description of how she is dressed

 

and had inconceivably put on make-up.

 

Why not just say she had put on make-up

 

The girl on the left had long, blond hair done in a ponytail reaching halfway down her back, blue eyes, and a beaming smile. She was tucked in a blue turtleneck and brown pants and shiny boots.

 

Normally I'd complain about the "and"s, but this is actually good description. I will say, it seems a bit like a shopping list, you might wanna try to spread out physical descriptions, instead of having them be all bunched together. BUT that's a more advanced writing technicque already.

 

The two of them turned and saw two teenagers slapping each other in the face repeatedly while a third guy was yelping around in his fiery pants.

 

Fiery pants...? really?

 

 

"Um...what the hell guys?"

 

Screw commas!

 

Rui asked. Suddenly the three boys stared at the new arrival and paused,

 

I'd imagine the one with fiery pants would be more preoccupied with his fiery pants than girls.

 

with El and Chris pressing each other's faces and Remo standing still despite the fire engulfing his lower half.

 

Can you see what is wrong with that? Fire hurts, in case you don't know.

 

"Uh...hi.." Chris said meekly.

 

"There's a perfectly good explanation for this Rui," El said trying to regain his composure. "You see, uh-"

 

He was cut off by Rui's friend, "Um, aren't your pants still on fire?"

 

No, they were fiery. Then suddenly fire began ENGULFING his lower half...

 

Remo realized she was talking to him and looked down. He continued jumping around, but finally found the fire extinguisher

 

He's a retard for taking that long.

 

Not only that, they're usually in plain sight, on the wall, inside a red casing.

 

and sprayed himself until the flames were gone. Breathing a sigh of relief, he slumped down to the ground.

 

"Ahhh, I feel so much better..."

 

"Um, I think your pants were completely burned off." Remo heard the blond speak again and looked down to see his bare boxers rather than the black pants he was wearing before.

 

"Well sh*t. If you'll excuse me-" he dashed off into the back room before finishing his sentence, leaving the four standing in the gigantic mess the chaos had created.

 

"So...hi, I'm Denver, Chris Denver!" Chris said as he turned and offered his hand to the blond girl.

 

El privately winced at Chris referencing James Bond, but the girl chuckled and shook his hand, "Well hey Denver Chris Denver, I'm Seijo Rosa Seijo!"

 

Unless this is some coding, I don't see why she says her last name twice. Or why it's Japanese.

 

Chris laughed at her introduction and said, "Rosa, that's a pretty name! Say, do either of you two want something before we go?"

 

The two girls looked around at the fire extinguisher foam and the destroyed shelves before saying, "Pass." With that, the four left the store in hopes of a less chaotic night and an enjoyable Christmas show. In the back, Remo put on a spare pair of pants and sighed.

 

"Now I got to clean that sh*t up before any more customers walk in..."

 

He was about to walk back out when he heard, "Psst, Remo!" He jumped in surprise to see D.L and B.T crouched behind one of the storage boxes.

 

NINJAS

 

"What the f*ck are you two doing?" he yelled.

 

That made it seem as if they were doing something immoral and wrong. You forgot the "here" after "doing".

 

"Are Chris and El really on a double date? And El is dating RUI now?" D.L asked.

 

You'd think he'd mention it to his best buddy.

 

"Yeah dude, didn't he tell you?"

 

"I've been kind of busy.."

 

Might have wanted to complete your ellipses... I'm quite sure MS Spellcheck picks up when you forget a dot in ellipses.

 

D.L said, recalling the past two nights spent in recovery from the fight with Xazeon. "But I was talking with Rogue on Chatzy and she mentioned El was on a date, so I tailed him with B.T here and to our surprise we found Rui and Fusion were on it!"

 

A ninja is D.L.

 

"Man, to think El jokes about you stalking him..." Remo muttered. "Why the hell are you here B.T?"

 

"I like tailing people, it's like being a spy from one of those spy movies!" B.T explained. "So are we gonna follow them or what?"

 

"Remo, want to come? It could be fuuunn." D.L said in a tempting tone.

 

All my belief he is a ninja is gone. More people means more of a chance to be sighted. Ninjas should know this.

 

Remo looked disgruntled, but really didn't feel like cleaning up the big mess outside, "Eh fine, give me five minutes to close up shop."

____________________________________________________________________

Two days earlier...

 

"Man this is a blast!" Pichu yelled as he tasered another poor security guard. "How many more prisoners do we have left to free Ki-" He was cut off by Pikachu cupping his hand over Pichu's mouth.

 

"The dude's trying to go undercover and we owe him one, so shut your trap." he told his little brother. The two continued alongside their older brother and Thomas, who had donned a black mask to conceal his identity.

 

I would have thought he donned the black mask to look purty

 

Thank you for explicitly stating the reason he wore a black mask that hid his face was to hide his face.

 

Behind them roared several prisoners who were breaking and beating everything in their way.

 

What.

 

So Pikachu goes off at Pichu for saying a few things loudly, but this horde of prisoners is leaving chaos in their wake and he doesn't care?

 

Most of these were the same nerds that had fought the Fake Type Knights, but their time in jail had toughened them up and left them much stronger.

 

This sentence sucks. One, you don't have to have the narrator tell us they were in the war with the FTK. Second, the second part of that sentence makes me want to puke. You should know why. Don't tell us this. At least think of SOME way to show us that they've gotten tougher, instead of telling us they did...

 

Thomas had calculated the entire plan before carrying it out, and so far things were progressing smoothly.

 

Show don't tell. Again.

 

Let's take a page off of Crab Helmet's book and take a sip every time there is tell instead of show.

 

All that was left was to erase the security footage from that night so records with his face on camera wouldn't be found.

 

Take a sip

 

He told Pichu to lead the prisoners outside while he absconded to the surveillance room with Pikachu and his brother. The three ran down the hall for a minute until they reached their destination. No guards were present, most likely due to the riot,

 

Take a sip

 

and left the three with time to accomplish their objective.

 

Take a sip

 

"Bagon, go outside and alert us if any guards are coming. Pikachu, I need you to help me get all this footage recorded and then destroy it." Thomas demanded as he approached the terminal and shot the security camera in the room.

 

Bagon obliged while Pikachu commented, "Wow Tom, you're a lot more bold

 

Bolder

 

than you used to be, bossing me around like that," He smirked and began work, "I like the change."

 

"It's not a problem, when you make dealings with the Inactive, you got to be strong mentally or else they'll break you."

 

"So the rumors are true, you really did join the Inactive...

 

When did he say that?

 

All he said was he made dealings with them. In fact, that should imply not that he's joined them, but that he's simply on their side.

 

what's up with that?" Pikachu asked.

 

"It was all for Club Pikachu's sake," Thomas explained. "Yugo Prison is state of the art, you can only get in if you're a high-ranking official of the Inactive. Since the prison typically contains dangerous people, Life doesn't bother with them since he believes them to be weak for getting caught in the first place,

 

They're dangerously weak, maybe?

 

though I personally disagree," he added when he saw Pikachu's sour expression. "But anyway, my name's been widespread for enforcing the policies of the Inactive, but it's all a farce. So far, I've managed to avoid condemning innocents to death and committing adultery,

 

He would normally commit adultery?

 

as hard as that may sound. I guess you could say I earned recognition from fighting the Banned a lot."

 

"Oh yeah, we heard you had a falling out against one of the Sannin and some Powerforcers, right?" Pikachu inquired. Thomas closed his eyes and recalled that painful battle. It hurt him more than anything to fight with his dear friend Smeargle and other friends like Black and D.L.

 

Take a sip

 

But he had braced himself to make those sacrifices and managed to escape that battle with no permanent damage inflicted.

 

By the way, take a sip.

 

"Yeah...I had to maintain my front as an Inactive, so I forged through those pains. But now my plan is working well. Using my status as an important Inactive member, I infiltrated the prison with no complications and freed you. For the revival of Club Pikachu."

 

Pikachu smirked, "But I know you Tommy. You're not as mean as I can get, or even Pichu. Just like Bagon, you only maintain your loyalty with your friends. Meaning you're not comfortable with how Club Pikachu allied with the Fake Type Rebellion."

 

"You're right," Thomas replied. "I saw no reason behind sacrificing our entire organization based on a madman's wishes."

 

"Tim was 12 actually..." Pikachu countered.

 

Ingenious counter

 

"Either way, what possessed you to do such a thing? I know you and Tim were friends, but surely you should have known Tim was in the wrong and that you were making a mistake!" Pikachu remained silent for a minute while the two worked at recovering the footage.

 

Finally, he spoke up, "Club Pikachu died long before then, Tom." He saw that Thomas had briefly stopped what he was doing

 

We never find out what he was doing.

 

But in case you forgot, a good guess would be something to do with camera footage.

 

and proceeded, "Xazeon was behind all our moves back then because he held the entire club hostage. About a week prior, Life decided to provoke his younger brother Donovyn for some reason by defeating his Fake Type Knights. The way he went about that was using his son Xazeon to threaten me with the power of his father. I was to follow his demands and provide myself as the front to his motives as the leader of Club Pikachu, or else Life himself would ensure the deaths of every member and each of their families, their friends, and their friends' families. I couldn't let that happen...so I surrendered. No one else was made aware of this, not even my brothers, although I've told them the truth while we were in prison. I don't know how, but Life had influenced Tim into his crazed mindset of rebelling against the Fake Type Knights and drove him insane. Then Tim contacted me, knowing I had the numbers to back him up. Xazeon compelled me to agree, so I did."

 

The atmosphere was silent for another minute, until Thomas finally spoke, "I knew something was off...even that crazed front you put up against Roxas of all people was a lie. You sacrificed your own integrity for us!"

 

"I love Club Pikachu," Pikachu stated. "I'll do whatever it takes to protect them, even if it means working with Life. But that's over with, all I want to do now is to wipe that scum off the face of the Earth!" Thomas finished his job and pulled out a CD containing the footage and threw it to the ground, shattering it to pieces.

 

"Then let's start by proving your innocence and joining the Banned. I can't join you publicly though, since my duty as an Inactive member could be useful. I'll be a double agent, working with the bad guys and passing information to you. But this could result in me fighting against the Banned and you to keep my secret.

 

You forgot a “having” before “to keep my secret”’

 

Are you fine with that?"

 

"Do what you got to do Tom, I'm ready to get my a*s back in the game!"

 

"Incoming!" Bagon yelled into the room. Thomas quickly donned his mask and combined his guns.

 

"Since these have been charging for ten minutes now, these should be ready to wipe out some Inactive guards." Thomas ran to Bagon and pulled him back as an onslaught of guards made their way over. "Death Cannon!"

__________________________________________________________________

Present day...

 

Remo, B.T and D.L cautiously crept behind Chris and El's group from a safe distance. B.T had taken the liberty of using the Petatrix to don himself in a special suit that helped him camouflage with his surroundings so he nor D.L or Remo would be seen.

How does that help Remo and DL to not be seen?

 

The Christmas show was about an hour away, leaving time for Chris and El to entertain their dates.

 

An hour isn’t really that long…

 

"Hey Fuse, how 'bout we see who can win our girls the biggest bear?"

 

Thank you for not telling us they were in some sort of stand like those in carnivals.

 

Chris saw the stand El was pointing to, which was a common bottle toss event. He nervously nodded and the four walked over to it.

 

"What can I do ya fer?" the toothy clerk asked them.

 

El put some money on the counter,

 

He doesn’t know how much it costs, but I’ll assume there’s a plaque. And that he’s so ninja he doesn’t have to look to know the price.

 

"Give me a round's worth of balls, I'm gonna win that white bear over there." The white bear hanging up on the ceiling was as big as Rui,

 

Narrator made a crack at Rui’s weight? She’ll go all Tsunade on him.

 

motivating El further to win it for her.

 

"Alright kid, you got three shots," the clerk said as he swiped the money away. El grabbed a ball, wound up his throw, and threw it at the pyramid of bottles with all his might. It hit dead center, but only collapsed the top and two middle bottles. "Two more."

 

"I can count, thanks.."

 

El muttered as he threw it again. This time he knocked the bottom level out, but the top bottle managed to land face-up."

 

"You're really unlucky kid," the clerk smiled. "At this rate, you might be here all night!" El was about to mouth off at him, but he was interrupted by a hammer

 

This made me think Chris had finally snapped.

 

being thrown past him and knocking the entire display down. The clerk's eyes widened and he immediately turned to the perpetrator. A man with slicked red hair and a sleeveless black shirt stood there with his arm stretched out.

 

"You shouldn't rig your games like that, it robs innocent people of their money. Giving the bottles magnetic bottoms and placing them on top of a metallic counter is cheating." The clerk panicked and ran out,

 

What a wuss

 

leaving the four staring in awe.

 

"Wait, that you Nin-pimp?" El asked.

 

Suddenly, Rogue popped up behind Ninjew and embraced him around his torso, "Yup, we're on a date!"

 

"Hey cousin, what a sheer coincidence that you're here," Rui said suspiciously. "So you and Ninjew just so happen to be hanging around here?"

T

 

T

 

 

"Well hey, it's a festival," Rogue said, puffing her cheeks in defiance. "And I'm not so immature as to stalk you."

 

Unlike some people.

 

Ninjew chuckled, provoking Rogue to elbow him in the ribs.

 

"Damn, you have sharp elbows! Oh right, sorry I borrowed your hammer Fusion." Chris looked down and was surprised to see his hammer was indeed taken from him and was lying among the broken glass behind the counter.

 

Fusion: Oh hey, where’d all that extra weight g- OH THERE IT IS!

 

He went to fetch it and asked, "So what's an assassin doing out in the open? Aren't you in danger?"

 

"You know, all I've done to disguise myself these past few years was slicking my mohawk flat and taking out my piercings.

 

Fuxin foolproof.

 

Even El here took a second to recognize me."

 

"Ah, I gotchu," Chris replied. "You guys going to watch the Christmas show?"

 

"I've always had a liking for acting, so I think we might,"

 

Most people go to these things to enjoy the play, unless they’re talent scouts.

 

Ninjew answered. "But we'll let you kids get on with your date, see you later."

 

Chris waved goodbye, but turned to Rosa when she said, "Uh...who was that?" Chris, El and Rui had completely forgotten that Rosa wasn't in the Akatsuki. "Was that really your cousin's boyfriend Rui? He was kinda scary..."

 

"You should see him on the battlefield..." El muttered.

 

Chris explained, "He's a part of the Banned, like the three of us."

 

Rosa looked surprised, "No way, you're in the Banned too, Chris?"

 

He shrugged, "Yeah, I don't know if you've heard about the Sannin, but uh, you're hanging with two of them."

 

Some things are better kept confidential.

 

Rosa brightened, "You and El are part of the Sannin? That's so cool! I haven't really followed that stuff, but that's really brave of you to fight the Inactive like that."

 

Chris felt flattered, "Aw shucks, we're not that great. But then again, the Inactive are teaching kids about us in the schools, right?"

 

Rui shrugged, "I don't expect any of us would know, since we go to underground schools run by the Banned. I feel terrible for kids who have to 'learn' all the garbage Life is force-feeding them."

 

El spoke up, "Chase told me how YCM's changed. Mr. Maker is still the principal, but he's essentially become a tool like all the other schools in the world. The Inactive is

 

Are you sure it should be is, not are?

 

basically educating kids that what they're doing is the right thing and training them to become members when they graduate. And in class, they're portraying the Banned as the bad guys and they're even giving warnings on enemies to report to them like us or the FTK or whatever."

 

It’s funny because this is, as Crab calls it, a common instance of As You Know. Rosa knows this, obviously, so why is Chris telling this to her again only for the benefit of the reader?

 

"It's horrible..." Rosa cut in. "My friends and I hate going to school like this, but we can't run away either..."

 

Aren’t they going to a special underground school?

 

Chris placed a hand on her shoulder, "Well hey, there's always room for more in the Banned! Do you think your family would mind taking refuge with us?"

 

Rosa shook her head, "I'm sorry, but my family hates the Banned, so they don't want to retreat to them either.

 

So they allow me to study in special schools that are led by the Banned.

 

My brother joined them when they first came around, but he was killed in battle immediately."

 

She sounds awfully composed…

 

The three friends shared sad

 

Take a sip.

 

glances. They too knew loss and the injustice it brought,

 

Take a sip.

 

not to mention the inner turmoil it wrought with their loved ones.

 

Take another motherf*cking sip.

 

"Well don't worry Rosa, because sometime soon

 

Lolspecificity

 

we'll wipe Life away and save the world!" She turned to Chris as he gave her a twinkling smile and a thumbs-up, "It's a promise!" El gripped the bridge of his nose in response to Chris' geeky optimism, but Rosa giggled.

 

"Thank you Chris...I look forward to that day!" She smiled and gave him a hug. Rui was fawning over the developing chemistry, but all El wanted to do was get out of there.

 

Take a sip. Altho it is quite comedic.

 

"Hey guys, let's grab a bite to eat before the show starts, I'm starving."

________________________________________________________________

Thomas King was in a predicament.

 

Take a sip, if you’re not too drunk already.

 

While he had managed to pull off the greatest prison breakout in ages, he had no place to hide his fellow comrades from Club Pikachu. Sure, the newly opened Pop Park seemed like a great place to hide everyone since it covered several square miles and had plenty of hiding places. But he didn't expect Yugo City to be holding a festival there in the spirit of Christmas.

 

Screw taking a sip, chug the whole damn thing…

 

"What's Life playing at, letting the city folk enjoy themselves like this?" he whispered to Pikachu. Pikachu and Bagon knelt beside him in their secret hiding spot: under the stage where the play was to be performed.

 

Pikachu replied, "It's kinda hard to figure out how that guy's mind works. Maybe he doesn't care about killing the Christmas spirit?"

 

"Or maybe he's busy plotting something else..." Bagon conjectured.

 

"Sure hope that isn't it," commented Thomas. "But we need to find a way to go about unnoticed. People might panic at seeing our faces since you two are wanted men and I'm the bad guy." But before they could discuss a plan, the noise outside suddenly died down.

 

Their momentary confusion was dispelled by a booming voice, "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, tonight I am honored to present to you the latest performance by the renowned RP.820! We all love partaking in the Christmas spirit, and tonight we're presenting to you a Christmas special about the lovable show, Yu-Gi-Oh! 5Ds!"

 

It’s funny how anything airs on TV during these times.

 

The announcement was met with polite applause and some cheers as the lights dimmed and the actors backstage began moving.

 

"Um, sh*t. This isn't good!" whispered Thomas. "We can't escape now that its showtime! Everyone's in front of us, guards are most likely positioned behind us to ensure no one sneaks backstage, and there are some props down here that'll probably be fetched when it's time to use them!

 

That’s called backstage.

 

What are we gonna do?"

 

"I have a plan!" declared Pikachu. "But it's risky and we may be discovered. Although knowing RP.820, we'll probably get away with it."

 

"What do you mean?" asked Bagon.

 

"It's true for them and most actors after all, the golden rules actually..." Pikachu whispered. "To never break character and to make sure the show goes on!"

__________________________________________________________________

Jake spoke to the audience, "What the heck are you doing Jack? We shouldn't be dueling our friends on Christmas!"

 

Definitely not, dueling is such sinful behavior.

 

"Shut up Yusei!" yelled Black. "Crow needs to know that stealing a cup of my delicious ramen on Christmas day is unforgivable!"

 

Is he Jack or Naruto?

 

Creator replied, "Jeez Jack, I told you someone put a tag on it addressed to me! Someone must be toying around with us!"

 

"I refuse to believe your excuses!" Black retorted. "Now I'll summon Dark Resonator to the field. I'm tuning my Level 3 Dark Resonator to my Level 5 Big Piece Golem! The ruler's heartbeats will now file through here! Take witness to its creation-shaking power! Synchro Summon! My very soul, Red Dragon Archfiend!"

 

…I’m just going to go ahead and say this…but I don’t watch 5Ds. Does Jack seriously say this?

 

A hologram of a ferocious red dragon appeared on the field, roaring in Creator's face. This provoked cheers from the crowd in awe of the special effects.

 

Chris was particularly impressed, "Is that from Tech Division?"

 

"It's Creator, of course he'll use stuff to make the show awesome like that," El replied. "The story's a little cliche and meh so far, but Black and the others are acting well."

 

"Yeah, that Jake guy seems like he'd do well on Broadway," Rosa noted. Wind suddenly blew through and chilled her to the bone.

 

…take a sip

 

Her blanket had already flown off from a stronger gust earlier, and she couldn't use the one the four of them were sitting on.

 

Take a sip

 

Chris immediately took his coat off and wrapped it around her.

 

"There you go, feel any warmer?"

 

She blushed a little, "You don't have to do that Chris, really. I'm already wearing a coat you know."

 

"Eh I know, but it's still pretty freezing out here, so I figured I should make you more comfortable!" El heard Chris' laughter, but was too busy snickering over Chris' immediate goosebumps and very distracting shivering. "A-af-f-f-ter all, w-we w-wouldn't w-want y-you to c-c-catch a c-cold out h-here!" Chris struggled to assure her.

 

Here is where I pull out a tip from my creative writing class. Try not to use too much stutter, it gets annoying to read.

 

"Alright B.T, you should give them back the blanket..." D.L muttered. "Fusion's going to freeze himself to death by being stupid again and we can't have that." B.T huffed and invisibly crept over while waving the blanket so onlookers would think it was being blown by the wind.

 

Take a sip

 

It landed on Chris and he immediately ran back to the bush D.L and Remo were hiding behind.

 

"Guys, all they're doing is talking! Can we watch the show?" B.T complained.

 

"You haven't been already?" asked Remo. "Stupid, we already accomplished our goal in finding out they're lovey dovey, we just want to watch the show."

 

"Speak for yourself," D.L muttered. "I swear, El needs to grow a pair and hold Rui close to him already."

 

"Spoke too soon mate,"

 

Screw commas!

 

Remo retorted as El classically yawned and rested his arm around Rui. "I wonder where Ninjew and Rogue are?"

 

"Don't know, don't care." D.L bluntly replied. He had no interest in couples he was used to.

 

Take a sip

 

Suddenly, he noticed something off to his right. He looked over and saw a little boy staring at him from the woods. Recognition entered D.L's complexion

 

Entered his complexion?

 

Might have wanted to choose the simpler route…

 

and he ran toward the little boy. The boy noticed this and immediately dashed off to the left towards the right side of the stage. Ragnarok told us about the prison break, but I didn't expect Pichu to show up here!

 

If he knew it was Pichu, it should have referred to the boy as Pichu.

 

I need to stop him now! He immediately took out his red sprite and tossed it at Pichu. It turned into its fairy form and immediately flew over and caught up to Pichu. It blew dust into his face which irritated his eyesight and caused him to trip and fall face-flat into the ground. "Pichu! What are you doing here?"

 

Pichu turned around, "If it ain't Dark Link? Whatever happened to Chibi Knights, I tried to log on as soon as I got out, but it's gone!"

 

…Now hardly seems like the time to be asking…

 

"Chibi Knights is dead, or in a coma I should say," D.L quickly replied. "But tell me why you're here! You better not be planning to attack the festival!"

 

"Dude, I know I used to kinda act like a dick, but I've changed! So have my brothers and the rest of Club Pikachu, we just want to join the Banned!"

 

D.L was struck speechless. After a few seconds passed,

 

That didn’t last long.

 

he finally found his words, "What the hell are you talking about?"

 

"D.L, spending a year in prison puts one into a different perspective. That life sucks. Both the noun and the evil dude. Life is why we were arrested and why we did evil stuff! I swear I'm telling you the truth!"

 

"Sounds like a wad of bullshit in all honesty," D.L replied. He saw B.T and Remo catching up to him and yelled, "Oy, get yourselves together, we got ourselves a rat to deal with!"

 

"I don't have time for this, I got to rescue my brother!" Pichu got up and dashed toward backstage so he could create a diversion and let his comrades escape.

 

Remove everything after the so.

 

No, I didn’t feel like taking a sip.

 

"This guy's quick!" muttered D.L as he ran after him with Remo and B.T. "B.T, use your Wildvine suit!" B.T twisted his watch and slammed it down so he donned an elastic green suit.

 

He said, "Left arm extend!" The way the Wildvine suit worked

 

No, please, tell me you’re not about to…

 

was the wearer could give voice commands that could activate the suit's artificial intelligence.

 

No.

 

The suit would then stretch or perform any action its wearer commanded it to.

 

No.

 

Come on, there are half a dozen better ways to show us how it works instead of telling us how it does.

 

The suit's left sleeve stretched forward and maintained its form and durability, but B.T's actual arm was located at the base of the expanding arm. Pichu was grabbed by the vine and thrown aside away from the stage. Pichu responded with taking out his taser and shocking the suit, but nothing happened since the suit was made of elastic rubber.

 

You didn’t just…

 

“but nothing happened since the suit was made of elastic rubber.”

 

…………WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!

 

*passes out*

 

Since DL passed out, I, the great actor Jake, am going to write this review from now on!

 

"Alright, let's wrap him up and call it a day then," Remo said. "D.L, you should probably call Ragnarok so he can send someone to detain this kid."

 

I can even do DL impersonations, with my great acting!

 

DL: What, they can’t detain him themselves?

 

D.L reached for his cell phone, but was startled by a piercing yell from the stage, "AHAHA! Who's laughing now Team 5Ds? It is I, the lord of all evil!" The group turned its attention toward the stage and was blown away by the voice's source. There Pikachu stood, basking in the spotlight wearing a triumphant grin. What grabbed people's attention, though, was the blue dog firmly attached to his leg, using its jaws. Why me? I was supposed to knock out whoever fetched the prop and switch clothes to impersonate the actor, but a f*cking dog came!

 

THE DOG IS RUINING THE PLAY. KILL IT.

 

"Pikachu! And that's Black's dog, Black brought him to some Akatsuki training sessions..." noted D.L. "We need to get up there, or else things will-" He didn't get to finish his thought though, as Black was quick on his feet.

 

"Look you guys! It's the one who stole my cup ramen! That's the neighborhood dog, and we all know he loves ramen! Why else would he be chomping that guy's leg off?"

 

BECAUSE HE’S GOING TO RUIN THE PLAY

 

Creator caught on and played along, "Ya see Jack, I TOLD you it wasn't me! Let's get him!"

 

Jake was a little confused and put off, but after exchanging glances with Black, he realized the plan, "Alright, I'll go for his legs!"

 

DL: Remember, just his legs. Leave the rest of his body out, like El did with Chris.

 

Meanwhile, Thomas was lamenting the situation while running from some guards. Figures a dog would catch us like that! Pikachu had no choice but to jump up on stage! And now Bagon and I are ru-wait, where's Bagon? Thomas couldn't finish his thought though, as the guards had chased him into the forest where there were people waiting for him.

 

"Oh my God! King, is that you?" exclaimed D.L. He snapped his fingers to call back his red sprite and quickly donned his claws. "If you're here, you must be planning something with Club Pikachu!"

 

"King you fool,

 

The play is more important than commas!

 

DL:…Thomas King’s name is now King You Fool

 

now they won't believe me!" Pichu yelled. "What the heck are you doing?"

 

Thomas replied, "Look, this whole scenario sucks, but we can-" he was cut off by the two guards tackling him to the ground. "Let go, I have to save Pikachu!"

 

"Why should we do that?" asked B.T. "It's obvious you guys are just here to be a bunch of douchebags, you're wasting our time!"

 

Thomas struggled against his assailants and said, "I know this is weird to say, but I'm no-" he then remembered he shouldn't go around saying such things in front of guards or other untrustworthy people lurking around.

 

Remo then spoke up, "I just finished sending a message to Rag since you guys got distracted. He said he's sending Crab, Flame and Roxas over."

 

Pichu was shocked, "They're sending f*cking Mods to get us? What the hell man?"

 

The play is STILL more important than commas!

 

"It means we're taking you guys seriously and we're not dicking around," D.L explained. "Now just lie there until you're arrested, it's pointless to fight back." Thomas was running out of options and he knew Pikachu would be screwed and that Bagon would probably be caught somewhere, along with the rest of the hidden Club Pikachu members.

 

"D.L, listen to me! I have things to tell you, things you might be interested in!"

 

"I doubt that, but I'm sure Rag's interrogation team will get you to squeal."

 

"I know what Kari and Kana are doing!" This caused D.L's expression to widen, but he immediately regained composure.

 

"What would you know about them?"

 

"Well if it means anything, they've been acting weird lately. I'm not too sure of the details, but rumors are going around they're planning a falling-out. Might even come back..."

 

This pushed D.L into stooping down to Thomas' level and asking, "Where are they?"

 

"The main base of the Inactive obviously, the Tower of Any Other." D.L grunted and released his grip on Thomas. It figures they're there, the one indomitable fortress we can't ever breach...damn it all! Suddenly, he heard shrill screams from the crowd. He looked and saw that the stage had been set on fire.

 

NOT THE STAGE!!

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

 

*faints*

 

Okay, now that he’s gone, and I’ve woken up, this is my review again.

 

Yay for me, not for you.

___________________________________________________________________

"El, we got to put that fire out!" yelled Chris.

 

El turned to Rui, "Baby, run with Rosa and get away from here. Call the fire department too!"

 

Rui complained, "Don't El,

 

WHAT HAVE YOU AGAINST COMMAS? it's too dangerous! You and Chris don't even have water-based weapons!"

 

A fire hose isn’t a weapon, they usually have those lying around.

 

"We'll figure something out, just go!"

 

"Then I'll stay with you, let me help!" Rui defied.

 

El positioned his face right in front of hers, "Rui, Rosa isn't used to these things like us and she needs a friend to comfort her, Fusion and I can't do that. Would you do me this favor?"

 

Rui's eyes averted his gaze, full of regret.

 

This is worse than telling instead of showing. You show perfectly.

 

And then you feel so uncertain about your writing, you feel the need to tell, as well.

 

Finally, she turned to him, "Fine, but I'm only listening to you this one time!"

 

"That's all I ask," El smiled as he gave her a quick kiss. "Now go, we'll meet up with you guys soon!" After Rui took Rosa away, he started running with Chris toward the fire, "Any bright ideas?"

 

"Not really, figured Black might have one

 

If he has not been burned to death yet.

 

Chris replied. "Rui has a point though, none of us really have anything that uses water."

 

"RP.820 is bound to have emergency supplies or props or something," El stated.

 

Thank you for not lacking common sense.

 

"If not, we could be screwed." The two got up close to the stage and suddenly noticed D.L, Remo and B.T running onto the scene. "What the hell are you guys doing here?"

 

None of them wanted to answer that, so Remo replied, "Uh, we were here to see the show, but then this fire happened and we ran into Pichu and King and sh*t got crazy and-"

 

"Bro, slow down," Chris interrupted. "You guys saw those two? That makes sense with Pikachu jumping on stage then, we thought it was an act with a fake Pikachu or whatever, but then the stage burst into flames. B.T, does the Petatrix have a water gun in it?"

 

"Yeah, but it's practically a toy," B.T explained as he exerted a pitiful squirt from his watch. "I still haven't figured out how to fix a mini-hose in there."

 

And yet you can fit in a full-body suit that stretches with mental commandS?

 

The group then noticed Aqua and J.Z running toward them, "You guys, this is terrible!

 

No way, really?

 

All of the hoses and fire extinguishers were stolen!"

 

"Damn it, this is arson!"

 

This has BEEN arson.

 

El yelled angrily. "We gotta-" but he didn't get to finish as a giant wave of water suddenly hit the stage. The group looked over to see several tough-looking guys of all ages carrying hoses and fire extinguishers.

 

Chris exclaimed, "I recognize these guys! There's Seta Sojiro, Gustavo Suarez, Marowak, Morpheous Erobos, it's Club Pikachu!" Indeed, Club Pikachu had come out of hiding, all holding equipment with the intention to put out the flames. In front of them was Bagon, shouting commands to the group.

 

"Come on guys, keep it up! We need to switch off in shifts to make sure the assault is continuous! Okay, now switch!" As the hoses began to exert less water, another team of members stepped forward and used their fire extinguishers and hoses on the flames. Soon enough, the flames had been put out. Bagon and the rest cheered at their hard-won victory and turned to see Chris and El's group, who were the only other people still hanging around. "Aha, I see us some Fake Type Knights, I remember you guys. Look, I know the prison escape looks bad and everything, but we're on your side and we can explain everything. If that means being arrested by the Banned, go ahead and do so, we'll answer any questions."

 

D.L was surprised to see Bagon was also preaching innocence. Could it be that there was something to the whole situation after all? He announced, "You're all under arrest under the authority of Daisuke Link, one of the Akatsuki's Sannin! However, we'll hear you out and see where it goes from there!"

 

That second sentence sounded unbelievably lame in retrospect to the first one.

 

Know what, I‘m sick of this review. I‘ll go drink tea and be back when it‘s over.

 

With that said, lots of men dressed in blue uniforms appeared and began handcuffing Club Pikachu. From them came a woman with dyed purple hair, an eyepatch over her left eye, and a tough build, who walked over to D.L's group.

 

"Ah, so you were the ones that phoned in to Rag. The Akatsuki, right?"

 

"Oh uh, hey Ms. Crab!" Chris jumped up as he offered his hand to shake.

 

Velma Crab stared blankly at Chris' outstretched hand, "Yeah, hi. Listen, we need you guys to report back to headquarters, Rag wanted to talk to the Akatsuki." This surprised the entire group, as Ragnarok had barely interacted with the Akatsuki over the past year.

 

"R-Ragnarok wants to talk with us?" Chris asked, unbelieving of what he heard. "I wonder what he wants..."

 

"Hell if I know, just gather the entire faction and be there in an hour," Crab said as she turned back to the mass arrest. "Oh yeah, Link,"

 

D.L realized she was addressing him and asked, "Yes, what is it?"

 

"I heard about that scuffle you guys got into two days ago. You fought my son, right?"

 

D.L recalled the difficulty he had faced in fighting Xazeon, "Yeah I did."

 

Hearing these words, Crab glanced back at D.L and gazed into his eyes, "Did he...say anything? About me or his old life?"

 

D.L's stomach sank, instinctively hunching his shoulders in the process, "No ma'am, he only taunted and fought us. And he had a snake with him."

 

Silence hung in the air for around half a minute before Crab spoke again, "I see. Well then, get going. I've got things covered here." D.L looked like he wanted to say something, but Chris placed a hand on his shoulder and began walking backstage to go find Black. Following his lead, the group silently left the scene and prepared to meet with the leader of the Banned.

__________________________________________________________________

"Send him in."

 

Life had spent the entire day in thought over suspicious activity by the Banned. He didn't even feel like breaking up the Christmas festival that the whole city attended in Pop Park because he was so entranced in what Ragnarok was plotting. He momentarily shifted his thoughts aside as his guest walked in, escorted by Xazeon. He was a giant mass of muscle, though he managed to keep perfectly still to avoid any possible provocation of his escort.

 

He knelt before Life and greeted him, "It's an honor to be in your presence once more, Lord Life."

 

"Shradow, I trust you're bringing me news?"

 

"Indeed, I just slipped away from the chaos in Pop Park. Bagon had gone around and gathered us together to save Pikachu from being captured, but it ended in failure. It seems as if the leaders of Club Pikachu have been blinded by the preaches of the Banned. I can't imagine how though."

 

"Tell me, who orchestrated your escape from Yugo Prison?" Life asked.

 

"I don't know, the man had a mask on and neither Pikachu nor his brothers would tell me."

 

Life sighed, "You know, you've been my secret go-between with Club Pikachu for a while now, excluding my son of course, and you haven't proved useful at all. I recall you falling easily in the battle with the Fake Type Knights, being put away in prison for a year, miraculously escaping but not recovering any useful information like who set you free, or what provoked the fire. And by coming to see me, you have lost your opportunity of a possible chance to infiltrate the Banned under the guise of a Club Pikachu member gone good, and you haven't even told me anything important!"

 

"Lord Life, forgive me! I can-"

 

"Die." Life stated. Xazeon immediately crushed Shradow's wrist with his claw, spurting blood everywhere. Shradow's piercing screams echoed throughout the room and down the hall, all while dying the gray walls in a scarlet coating. After a minute or so, the screaming stopped and a dead body littered the floor. "Get it out of here, it stinks." Life told Xazeon, who obliged by carrying the heavy weight outside. Life sighed over the mess and pressed the button that would summon his cleaning lady to his room. While he waited, he dialed a number on his phone and enabled the camera chat.

 

A hooded face cast in shadow appeared on the screen, "You called?"

 

"I was just checking in to see what you were doing. Where are you?"

 

"Pop Park," the figure replied. "I just finished fighting a couple of punks, no big deal." He turned his cell around to show two men lying on the ground unconscious, one holding a giant key and the other an enormous flamethrower and a gleaming, red sword.

 

"Oho, two Mods eh? And Roxas no less! Just as I would expect from you!" Life exclaimed in joy. "What brought that on?"

 

"I started the fire that ruined the festival," the figure replied. "They saw me fleeing from the scene and deduced I was the culprit. They haven't seen my face though."

 

Life narrowed his eyes, "So that was you after all. You realize I've now lost Club Pikachu to the Banned, right?"

 

"Sorry, though in all honesty, it's not like that'll make a difference," the figure replied. "None of them knew anything important, except possibly the guy who set them free. I believe he's one of our own who's betrayed us. I'll get cracking on finding out who he is."

 

Life replied, "That's not necessary, I'll send someone else of competence on the job. I need you for something else." Ensuring the figure was paying strict attention, he continued, "Some rumors are mulling around that the Banned is planning something, something big. Nothing is certain, but the rumors say their plan will overturn my entire organization and iron fist ruling the world. I'm not worried, but you can never be too careful."

 

"I assume these rumors are originating from a particular place," commented the figure.

 

"If the rumors are true, it's happening in Japan," Life replied. "Get over there and dig up what you can find."

 

"Alright, I'll be in touch." The call ended, leaving Life with his thoughts once more. He should ensure any possible plans of rebellion will fail, but I'm growing suspicious. Some of my spies reported a cloaked figure to have taken down an entire platoon that was supposed to kill the Vongola two days ago. Could it have been him? What would his motive be then?

 

He dialed a number, "It's Life. You know our special friend, right? I just sent him to Japan, I want to know who he is by the time this is over."

________________________________________________________________

Chris and the others had recovered Black, who had focused on getting the audience to safety with the rest of RP.820 and calling the Banned's fire department. The Akatsuki walked through the halls of their underground headquarters to meet with Ragnarok. "So was RP.820 bummed?" Chris asked Black.

 

"They're pretty depressed right now," Black said glumly. "Jake is mad that the one time he got to be the main character, it was ruined by Pikachu. And Brox was looking forward to playing Kallen and-" he stopped talking as the group walked in to see a whole room of people. Rag was in the center of the room and beckoned the Akatsuki to come in and sit down. Sitting in chairs in front of him were Dr. James Max, Creator, Deustodo, Flandre Scarlet, Smesh, Leo Freed, Katie Kyosuke, and Stark Paistro.

 

"There's the Akatsuki! Come in, I have a mission for you all." The group entered inside, all taking seats. "Gentlemen, this is the Akatsuki of YCM. We have the Sannin as their leaders: Chris Denver, Daisuke Link and Elfman Make. Just so you know the rest of them, these are Mars Black, Niashi Inumaki, Zero Ranmyaku, Ze'brova Wham, Simeon Dranzer, Ninjew, Rogue Karnon, Rui Karnon, Cortez Shutaru, Sonic Chao, Akira Day, Ben Tennyson, Remo Fandon, Aqua Shitoge, Nexev Frohawk, and Joseph Zeth. You're all here because I need to entrust you all with an important mission."

 

"Well what is it Rag, we're anxious!" Zero yelled.

 

"Always serving as the representative dumbass of Akatsuki, eh Zero?" Nexev asked. "Rag could kick you off the mission easily you know."

 

Zero turned to him, "Hey, don't go thinking you're a big-shot just because you turned out to be the co-leader of the Orgy, we're all in this together now!"

 

"That actually is a pretty big deal," Black cut in. "Now would you kindly shut the f*ck up?"

 

"Alright alright, listen up!" Ragnarok said, raising his voice a bit higher. "First things first, I must inform you this mission will be a long one, so we'll be taking the liberty of preparing your things."

 

"Are we going somewhere?" asked Smesh.

 

"Yes," replied Ragnarok. "Until further notice, I'm transferring you all to Japan as of January 2, 2011."

 

 

Alright.

 

All in all, this chapter was less well-written than I expected, but still above the majority of YCM.

 

You’ve mastered the act of showing not telling, which is good.

 

Now my actual comment on the chapter from an unofficial POV:

 

I like this chapter a LOT. We‘re goin to Japan, and Kari and Kana were even mentioned.

 

Can’t wait to see the next one.

 

 

 

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Fusion X. Denver Newbie

Fusion X. Denver

Posted
Posted

It IS Viral dude >.>

Alright, just a few things:

Jake does take the play into priority, it's a part of his character.

Remo can be slow sometimes xP

Rosa said "Seijo Rosa Seijo" because she was messing with Chris in good spirit, who introduced himself as "Denver Chris Denver". Get it?

inb4hurrhurrthat'shilarious

As for schooling, Rosa goes to school on the surface. Banned schools are only available for the Banned, since the Banned basically half-drop themselves out of society.

Jack Atlas does indeed say all of that. The chant he used for the Synchro Summon was the Japanese translation of it, it's legit.

There was one other thing I wanted to ask about, but the last half of the review being bolded confused me..

 

Working on the new chapter now guys.

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DL  Contributor

DL 

Posted
Posted

Answer: I messed up the coding.

 

These things take forever...

 

@Zero - Yeah, it's Viral.

 

@Fusion - So I take it that means there was a big part that you improved on?

 

Because I swear, the “but nothing happened since the suit was made of elastic rubber.” line caused me to gag.

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