Trio of DEF

[Nexev]

....It's called reviews.

 

It's kinda a big deal.

 

That's why these threads are made.

[Fusion X. Denver]

Nah Shadow, he took the time to make an in-depth analysis which I thank him for.

Not that I agree with everything though.

[spoiler=Here, I'll address your concerns]

Wait so the figure appeared out of freakin nowhere? And...extra layers can mean a lot of things. Considering the natural is to be clotheless.

 

No, it was meant to be descriptive, not literal. I was trying to say that the scene was a typical, deserted wintry night, and then a person came walking into view.

 

Also, I'd like to point out that unless he's lived without a mirror for a good while, he wouldn't be entranced in his own reflection (unless it was some creepy magical crap)

 

I was just saying Chris found himself staring into the mirror lost in thought.

 

I wonder how far the Bahamas are from Yugo.

 

Eh, flight distance.

 

I doubt that's how most people greet their friends who call in such hard times. I suppose someone who's lived without a mirror for a year also has lived without talking with people?

 

As will be indicated in the next few paragraphs, Chris was just out and wanted nothing more than to relax. He anticipated D.L would want something so that's what was up with his response.

 

Wow, it's like he knows they'll arrive as soon as he walks downstairs and out the door.

 

? Uh no, he's prepping for a long walk.

 

Telepathy is good.

 

Telepathy doesn't exist here >.>

 

I wonder why he'd think that at all. Lemme guess, telepathy?

 

After reading the chapter, I think one would come to assume Chris has gotten a little smarter, the fact D.L called him knowing he was at home probably meant he was the reason there was a ride conveniently waiting for him.

 

D.L sounds overly enthuastic about being in the same car as Aqua.

 

Nah, just enthusiastic in general. I guess.

 

I wonder how threatening THAT motion looked.

 

Yeah, I didn't like how I phrased that either.

[spoiler=I was meaning to convey this motion in the left frame on the 2nd panel]

 

 

I'd have guessed she giggled and kissed him on the cheek out of spite.[/b

 

Nah, she was just touched by his determination at granting them eternal happiness .__.

 

So apparently J.Z is too much of a minor character to count.

 

Considering Chris followed this statement asking how El was doing, I was saying that "us" that D.L was referring to was himself, Chris, and El. Obviously J.Z wasn't being referred to with "us" >__>

 

Wait then he's not thinking about the future, he's thinking about the present...

 

...Yeah I see what you mean. Guess I should have expressed a thought directed at the future instead of implying he was worried on how the current state of things would develop.

 

Yeah, those guitar lessons over the whole year didn't really help.

 

Dude, you got to have a couple years' experience to be in a band, that's normal. You and El were in the band DEF before and have had years of experience. And apparently so does Rui, Cortez and Dranzer.

 

Way to shake the topic off of Chibi Bacon.

 

I thought I had said enough about it :/

 

And the fact the world is being threatened by a bomb doesn't help either.

 

Exactly.

 

Now I know that's what really happened but how did Akatsuki newcomers like El and D.L get priority to lead over Dranzer and Ninjew and such?

 

Guess you'll have to wait for future chapters to explain ;)

 

How kind of her to take the trouble to memorize the name of his watch.

 

An invention like that is sure to get a reputation after being around and about for a year >__>

 

Um...stopping them from blowing said bomb up? I don't know, seems like a good bet.

 

Their grasping for an answer is done intentionally. Plus, that will be really, really hard to do .__.

 

Not much of a win.

 

Tell me about it.

 

I'm pretty sure that was obvious, they must be laughing in their minds at her pointing it out.

 

Well no, but...yeah guess that was unneeded :/

 

Wow, D.L made a remark I'd expect from someone whose intelligence actually is a part of their character.

 

I never made you a dumbass, did I? Plus, it's been a year with lots of changes, Chris has clearly changed, right :/

 

Wut. So not only does Chris have the power of telepathy, he also can fly alongside cars? When did he get in the car?!

 

He's been in the car the whole time <.<

 

Wasn't Fusion the one usually late? Actually, wasn't he just absent very often?

 

Yeah. Doesn't mean Dranzer will take his "bullcrap excuses".

 

Because every other mission went so well for them.

 

You don't even know what missions they've done -____-

And they destroyed Club Pichu (at the time) which was a success.

 

...And....why do they care? I mean, it's not like he's LIFE.

 

He's Life's son. Pretty important guy.

 

Totally, regardless of the fact it could be a set-up.

 

Yes totally.

 

...High schoolers these days...

 

This was a plot device indicating a certain plot point which has yet to be explained.

 

So she sighed...cause she was psyched? Huh.

 

Sigh, yeah that was weird. No excuse there. She was sighing for piloting, but ready for action?

__________

 

Most people don't pause.

 

Pause was like a split second.

 

I'd have thought SHE would dump HIM. Guess he was too quick for her.

 

He was, it was really bad.

 

It's happened before?

 

Explanation is given later with El.

 

He got over the trauma pretty quickly, I suppose, since he was able to make it to a Semi-Formal dance.

 

You mean over Madara? Well, it's just an informative phone call, and news spreads fast. Remo was probably at home, heard the news from a buddy who was there, and called El. Didn't think it mattered really.

 

Now where in the world could a young girl be at night, when the world is currently under bomb threat and no one leaves their homes much?

 

All I can say here is that you guys (the readers) don't necessarily have a complete grasp on how society works now in this new era, which I did on purpose. More will come later, and something like that will make sense,

__________

Thought Bel sent it?

 

No, Sonic sent a confirmation email in response to Rag's "approval" that Bel told him they got, it's a procedure they take that they're embarking on the mission once they receive permission. Sonic trusted Bel and didn't expect him to be lying (so I guess he was naive, but that's Sonic for ya)

 

In other words, several mildly well-armed teens with superhero complexes are in trouble.

 

...that is correct, yes.

But again, function of society will be explained further in the future.

__________

Sounds like someone has a bit of an obsession.

 

Dude, you have no idea.

 

"...I wish I had guns. Why do I get stuck with the medieval meele weapons...?" is what D.L must be thinking.

 

No, that's what you're thinking :3

If you wanted a different main weapon, you should have given me an alternative later, it's too late now :/

 

Wait they're banned? Interesting how the plot didn't mention that earlier...

 

That right there was the plot mentioning it to the reader.

 

These guys are freakin ninjas yo

 

And more...

 

Spinning canes doesn't work with real life physics, fraid to say, no one would be able to spin it fast enough...oh, and not to mention the knifes would pierce it.

 

Katie's cane is special :3

Functions of her cane will come to light.

 

They wanted them to join? Fr srs?

 

Yuh fr srs broki. They've been focused on growing their numbers since day 1, why would they stop now >.>

 

Anime nerds who spout character cathphrases.

 

That is Zero.

 

Implying Chris has been in this exact situation before. Also implying Xazeon is using his penname, instead of Chris.

 

Yes he was implying. See, I just let you guys in on something there, pointing to a vague plot point regarding their interaction. I don't know what you mean by that last part, but Chris X. Denver is his full name, so Fusion X. Denver is just throwing his nickname in instead. Again, I didn't think it was that important.

 

Well yeah, he's outnumbered 3 to 1, and one of them has guns.

 

That's what Chris is hoping for, yeah.

__________

So why would she be at Organi Square?

 

Place where no one would look at this time of night? Somewhere familiar?

 

Plot development

 

Minor and almost insignificant, but yes.

 

I've never seen such fail from someone. How does that even HAPPEN? BTW, most people wouldn't text, they'd try to speak through the frozen tongue, just sayin.

 

Rui's different. You don't know her well yet, so you'll get a better idea for her character later on. And uh, yeah I suppose that was a fail xP

 

She has a throat, why didn't she do it herself?...or right, plot.

 

Check the link at the end of the scene to see what I was doing here.

 

Which would explain all his apparent sadness and anger from before.

 

Correct.

 

I'd think he would, considering he used to go out with Danni.

 

And he loves her.

 

El didn’t know what to expect, but the last thing he thought would happen was Rui immediately standing on her toes to kiss El on his lips. His eyes were wide with shock at the pleasant surprise, and welcomed her into the joyous moment, until he felt something odd. Rui noticed too, and separated her mouth for a second. Apparently, the tip of her tongue had frozen together with El’s, trapping the two of them together. She only smiled and went back to kissing him, wanting nothing else but to stay in that perfect moment, forever.

 

...As their tongues were frozen...huh.

 

This entire scene was based on this short flash movie I found one day, thought it was cute and incorporated it with El and Rui. Only a minute long.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/522828

So uh, guess any real life inconsistencies would be stemming from them being defied here >.>

__________

I'd sure be more surprised than that

 

They're kinda sullen after being in prison for a while.

 

And no guards came

 

Not yet anyway.

 

“I’m giving you your second chance, Pikachu. But be wary, one slip-up here and we’re all in for it.”

 

No, you are Thomas, for busting out 3 criminals. Unless they also do bad stuff. But look at wittle Pikachu, he wouldn't do bad stuff, would he?.....oh right, Club Pikachu war...right...

 

You're questioning Thomas' motives? Good, sit tight and be eager for development on the situation in the upcoming chapters :)

 

 

[Spirit of DMG]

I thought these threads were made for people with absolutely no Life to read stories written by people with even less of a Life....huh...

[Super Chaos Sonic]

I am...once again, awesome. And DL, Dranzer, and Fusion finally joined the winning team XD! Anyway, another awesome chapter Fusion!

[Fusion X. Denver]

Thanks Sonic :)

As of right now, I am thinking of what course of events I should write about next chapter >.>

[Enma Kozato]

I'm such a forgotten character... =(

[BT]

I'm such a forgotten character... =(

 

umm... who are you exactly?

[Enma Kozato]

The guy who got xsploded

[DL]

[spoiler=Nyeeeh~]

Wait so the figure appeared out of freakin nowhere? And...extra layers can mean a lot of things. Considering the natural is to be clotheless.

 

No, it was meant to be descriptive, not literal. I was trying to say that the scene was a typical, deserted wintry night, and then a person came walking into view.

 

Well, to be frank, I meant that saying "Took off extra layers isn't as descriptive as "Took off his jacket, and scarf," and such, you know?

 

 

Also, I'd like to point out that unless he's lived without a mirror for a good while, he wouldn't be entranced in his own reflection (unless it was some creepy magical crap)

 

I was just saying Chris found himself staring into the mirror lost in thought.

 

Sounded like he was perplexed with his ONW image, not just lost in thought.

 

 

I wonder how far the Bahamas are from Yugo.

 

Eh, flight distance.

 

I doubt that's how most people greet their friends who call in such hard times. I suppose someone who's lived without a mirror for a year also has lived without talking with people?

 

As will be indicated in the next few paragraphs, Chris was just out and wanted nothing more than to relax. He anticipated D.L would want something so that's what was up with his response.

 

Wow, it's like he knows they'll arrive as soon as he walks downstairs and out the door.

 

? Uh no, he's prepping for a long walk.

 

He said he was going to be right down. Not be right THERE. Implying as soon as he left his house they would be there, or even that they were inside his house

 

 

Telepathy is good.

 

Telepathy doesn't exist here >.>

 

Then he;s just freakin good at guessing

 

 

I wonder why he'd think that at all. Lemme guess, telepathy?

 

After reading the chapter, I think one would come to assume Chris has gotten a little smarter, the fact D.L called him knowing he was at home probably meant he was the reason there was a ride conveniently waiting for him.

 

D.L knew he was at home? Lolhow? If he JUST arrived?

 

 

D.L sounds overly enthuastic about being in the same car as Aqua.

 

Nah, just enthusiastic in general. I guess.

 

I wonder how threatening THAT motion looked.

 

Yeah, I didn't like how I phrased that either.

[spoiler=I was meaning to convey this motion in the left frame on the 2nd panel]

 

 

I'd have guessed she giggled and kissed him on the cheek out of spite.

 

Nah, she was just touched by his determination at granting them eternal happiness .__.

 

I was being sarcastic, you didn't need to put anything after "she kissed him on the cheek", anything after that was pure tell, and uneeded. AKA, the reader is not retarded, they can figure it was out of affection.

 

 

So apparently J.Z is too much of a minor character to count.

 

Considering Chris followed this statement asking how El was doing, I was saying that "us" that D.L was referring to was himself, Chris, and El. Obviously J.Z wasn't being referred to with "us" >__>

 

Wait then he's not thinking about the future, he's thinking about the present...

 

...Yeah I see what you mean. Guess I should have expressed a thought directed at the future instead of implying he was worried on how the current state of things would develop.

 

Yeah, those guitar lessons over the whole year didn't really help.

 

Dude, you got to have a couple years' experience to be in a band, that's normal. You and El were in the band DEF before and have had years of experience. And apparently so does Rui, Cortez and Dranzer.

 

Dranzer and Cortez are pretty young, keep in mind how good they can be proportional to the age they could be before seriously practicing an instrument.

 

 

Way to shake the topic off of Chibi Bacon.

 

I thought I had said enough about it :/

 

See, I was refering to the fact he didn't move the topic away from Chibi Bacon, merly to his managing duties OF the band.

 

 

And the fact the world is being threatened by a bomb doesn't help either.

 

Exactly.

 

Now I know that's what really happened but how did Akatsuki newcomers like El and D.L get priority to lead over Dranzer and Ninjew and such?

 

Guess you'll have to wait for future chapters to explain ;)

 

How kind of her to take the trouble to memorize the name of his watch.

 

An invention like that is sure to get a reputation after being around and about for a year >__>

 

And where exactly did they see each other, or she could have heard about him? There ARE more extraordinary people than Peter in Akatsuki, and unless Aqua is in Akatsuki...well, yeah. Eh, w.e, Ill let this go for coincidence's sake.

 

Um...stopping them from blowing said bomb up? I don't know, seems like a good bet.

 

Their grasping for an answer is done intentionally. Plus, that will be really, really hard to do .__.

 

Not much of a win.

 

Tell me about it.

 

I'm pretty sure that was obvious, they must be laughing in their minds at her pointing it out.

 

Well no, but...yeah guess that was unneeded :/

 

Pretty much. Cutting off the uneeded stuff is one of the first steps of making your writing better.

 

 

Wow, D.L made a remark I'd expect from someone whose intelligence actually is a part of their character.

 

I never made you a dumbass, did I? Plus, it's been a year with lots of changes, Chris has clearly changed, right :/

 

Really?

 

 

Wut. So not only does Chris have the power of telepathy, he also can fly alongside cars? When did he get in the car?!

 

He's been in the car the whole time <.<

 

Not according to what I read. In fact, I got the impression Chris was standing outside, and they were sitting in the car talking to him.

 

 

Wasn't Fusion the one usually late? Actually, wasn't he just absent very often?

 

Yeah. Doesn't mean Dranzer will take his "bullcrap excuses".

 

Because every other mission went so well for them.

 

You don't even know what missions they've done -____-

And they destroyed Club Pichu (at the time) which was a success.

 

...And....why do they care? I mean, it's not like he's LIFE.

 

He's Life's son. Pretty important guy.

 

Totally, regardless of the fact it could be a set-up.

 

Yes totally.

 

...High schoolers these days...

 

This was a plot device indicating a certain plot point which has yet to be explained.

 

So she sighed...cause she was psyched? Huh.

 

Sigh, yeah that was weird. No excuse there. She was sighing for piloting, but ready for action?

__________

 

Most people don't pause.

 

Pause was like a split second.

 

Still, most people just come out and say it. The pause is unnecesary filler.

 

I'd have thought SHE would dump HIM. Guess he was too quick for her.

 

He was, it was really bad.

 

It's happened before?

 

Explanation is given later with El.

 

He got over the trauma pretty quickly, I suppose, since he was able to make it to a Semi-Formal dance.

 

You mean over Madara? Well, it's just an informative phone call, and news spreads fast. Remo was probably at home, heard the news from a buddy who was there, and called El. Didn't think it mattered really.

 

Everything does. If he was so shaken up, he wouldn't care about some relationship problems and crud, just saying. By this, you imply he really didn't care for his brother in truth, or that much. Which could lead to a good plot, but I doubt you want to go that way.

 

Now where in the world could a young girl be at night, when the world is currently under bomb threat and no one leaves their homes much?

 

All I can say here is that you guys (the readers) don't necessarily have a complete grasp on how society works now in this new era, which I did on purpose. More will come later, and something like that will make sense,

__________

Thought Bel sent it?

 

No, Sonic sent a confirmation email in response to Rag's "approval" that Bel told him they got, it's a procedure they take that they're embarking on the mission once they receive permission. Sonic trusted Bel and didn't expect him to be lying (so I guess he was naive, but that's Sonic for ya)

 

In other words, several mildly well-armed teens with superhero complexes are in trouble.

 

...that is correct, yes.

But again, function of society will be explained further in the future.

__________

Sounds like someone has a bit of an obsession.

 

Dude, you have no idea.

 

"...I wish I had guns. Why do I get stuck with the medieval meele weapons...?" is what D.L must be thinking.

 

No, that's what you're thinking :3

If you wanted a different main weapon, you should have given me an alternative later, it's too late now :/

 

If I was in a battle, and I had claws, and the guy beside me has two guns, I'd want freakin guns.

 

 

Wait they're banned? Interesting how the plot didn't mention that earlier...

 

That right there was the plot mentioning it to the reader.

 

These guys are freakin ninjas yo

 

And more...

 

Spinning canes doesn't work with real life physics, fraid to say, no one would be able to spin it fast enough...oh, and not to mention the knifes would pierce it.

 

Katie's cane is special :3

Functions of her cane will come to light.

 

They wanted them to join? Fr srs?

 

Yuh fr srs broki. They've been focused on growing their numbers since day 1, why would they stop now >.>

 

Anime nerds who spout character cathphrases.

 

That is Zero.

 

Implying Chris has been in this exact situation before. Also implying Xazeon is using his penname, instead of Chris.

 

Yes he was implying. See, I just let you guys in on something there, pointing to a vague plot point regarding their interaction. I don't know what you mean by that last part, but Chris X. Denver is his full name, so Fusion X. Denver is just throwing his nickname in instead. Again, I didn't think it was that important.

 

Well yeah, he's outnumbered 3 to 1, and one of them has guns.

 

That's what Chris is hoping for, yeah.

__________

So why would she be at Organi Square?

 

Place where no one would look at this time of night? Somewhere familiar?

 

Plot development

 

Minor and almost insignificant, but yes.

 

I've never seen such fail from someone. How does that even HAPPEN? BTW, most people wouldn't text, they'd try to speak through the frozen tongue, just sayin.

 

Rui's different. You don't know her well yet, so you'll get a better idea for her character later on. And uh, yeah I suppose that was a fail xP

 

NO ONE would text someone instead of trying to talk if they were closeby

 

She has a throat, why didn't she do it herself?...or right, plot.

 

Check the link at the end of the scene to see what I was doing here.

 

Still an inconsistency

 

 

Which would explain all his apparent sadness and anger from before.

 

Correct.

 

I was being sarcastic. He said he could be happy if she was, so what the hell was he doing being sad and angry when Chris asked D.L?

 

 

I'd think he would, considering he used to go out with Danni.

 

And he loves her.

 

...As their tongues were frozen...huh.

 

This entire scene was based on this short flash movie I found one day, thought it was cute and incorporated it with El and Rui. Only a minute long.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/522828

So uh, guess any real life inconsistencies would be stemming from them being defied here >.>

 

...Shame on you, Fusion, using a scene from somewhere. Pssh, where's creativity, man?

__________

I'd sure be more surprised than that

 

They're kinda sullen after being in prison for a while.

 

And no guards came

 

Not yet anyway.

 

“I’m giving you your second chance, Pikachu. But be wary, one slip-up here and we’re all in for it.”

 

No, you are Thomas, for busting out 3 criminals. Unless they also do bad stuff. But look at wittle Pikachu, he wouldn't do bad stuff, would he?.....oh right, Club Pikachu war...right...

 

You're questioning Thomas' motives? Good, sit tight and be eager for development on the situation in the upcoming chapters :)

 

 

[Spirit of DMG]

I'm not getting much screen time, either, dude...

[Fusion X. Denver]

DL, I skimmed through that, I can't even begin to pick apart the different responses to comeback..

I'll just do better next time >.>

And Chase, hell no I didn't forget you.

Bel's betrayal left a spot open in the Guardians, didn't it -__0

*just realized he slipped a spoiler*

*realizes no one will care and lets it go*

[BT]

this is because I am mentioned once per chapter...

[Super Chaos Sonic]

Why must Bel betray us? WHY?!?! -silence- Oh well, I HAVE AN OPEN SPOT FOR CLOUD GUARDIAN!!!! XD

[Limited Edition KING]

Thanks Sonic :)

As of right now, I am thinking of what course of events I should write about next chapter >.>

You gotta start off with King/Pika first because the newest chapter ended in a bit of a cliffhanger with these guys. Well it may not be first but it should be in the chapter.

[Blake]

... What, no mention of your best buddy Black in this Chapter? xD

*Summons Burning Soul Lanza Skillet* GET ME A BIO, NAO!

Nah, it was pretty good.

[Nexev]

Black. Creator had Burning Soul before you.

 

So did AP.

 

Your copying people.

[Blake]

Senpai has acknowledged that I am JAck, as I am very capable of pulling Jacks. As Leader OF the Powerforce, I have been given the right to that. So, there.

[DL]

@Fusion - ......Eh.

 

Remember

 

1. Keep telling to a minimum

2. Cut off anything unecessary

3. Try to not use to be verbs in action scenes

4. Keep in mind, negative capabilty helps, making your heroes not TOTALLY likeable, or have some fault, and your villains not COMPLETELY disliked.

 

As it is, Life is basically evil.

 

FTK had good Negative capability, they had a good goal, yet used brusque methods.

 

DEF (the trio) has no negative capabilities, cept maybe D.L with his split personas.

[Enma Kozato]

DL, I skimmed through that, I can't even begin to pick apart the different responses to comeback..

I'll just do better next time >.>

And Chase, hell no I didn't forget you.

Bel's betrayal left a spot open in the Guardians, didn't it -__0

*just realized he slipped a spoiler*

*realizes no one will care and lets it go*

kinda hard to tell when i was last mentioned like 5 chapters ago, and have no bio either

weren't you doing them in order of appearance

I appeared literally RIGHT AFTER zero.

I was also wondering if you would mention my being in the vongola, thanks for clarifying that for me.

now I am satisfyed.

[Sploda]

@Fusion

Well since the FTK will probably eventually resurface in this arc here is a theme for them.

 

 

Just trust me, with our new arc this will be awesome when we appear.

 

Anyway great chapter overall, I agree with some of DL's points though but still good.

[BT]

[spoiler=about symbols... mine is obviously]

 

[Fusion X. Denver]

Yo guys, added Chase's and Aqua's bios today.

Chase's image for his appearance won't work though while I'm at school, so I'll have to fix his later.

[Ultimate Assassin Ninjew]

Fusion for my pic, it's ok. Also you need to reference that he has many connections like Creator and he is in college, so he's not always going to be around.

[Blake]

Fusion, please get mine up soon.

 

However, do not let it impede your fic writing. Just get it up when you can ^-^ /completeturnabout

[Shadow Zero]

Fusion, the vid that you chose was removed due to a copyright claim. Might I suggest using the one that I posted? :3