Trio of DEF

[Sploda]

Fusion vs RL

 

RL delivers a JAM PACKED SCHEDULE to Fusion's head.

 

Fusion falls.

 

 

RL hits Fusion with a DOUBLE DOSE OF REALITY!

 

Fatality.

[Shadow Zero]

Wow. I wish I could have a jam packed schedule every now and again. It sure would be a nice change of pace from my always open never full schedule. <_<

[Sploda]

Awesome Battle Music

[Fusion X. Denver]

I have really bad news.

My computer has a virus and it won't let me open anything. I'm going to get it reconfigured tomorrow, but there's basically no way for me to recover chapter 30 -____-

[BlackSkullCortez]

... see?

This is why you should have sent me the chapter...

My plans always work somehow...

[Shadow Zero]

Actually, this is why he should have been backing up copies of it on disks and flash drives. Just saying.

[Sploda]

Tis a good thing I back up all the chapters on my computer after I read them.

 

Since I have like, Uber Virus Blocker they are perfectly safe.

[Jake the Sage]

Tis a good thing I back up all the chapters on my computer after I read them.

 

Since I have like, Uber Virus Blocker they are perfectly safe.

 

So I take it you have Norton?

[Limited Edition KING]

I shall unleash my BURNING SOUL on your computer so that it destroys every single living breathing virus that is on it!!!

*Eats ramen* I was so looking forward to reading the new chapter today. *Continues eating ramen*

[---------------]

WELL, back to the drawingwriting board. When should it be up then?

[BlackSkullCortez]

@ King

Good luck for that. I'll wait for more than eternity before that happens. >.>

 

And just to get it out of the way... since I've been holding this back for a while...

PATIENCE, PEOPLE! HE JUST SAID HE LOST THE WHOLE CHAPTER! IT MIGHT, AND PROBABLY WILL, TAKE HIM A WHILE! I BARELY CARE HOW MUCH YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THE CHAPTER.

HE.

NEEDS.

TIME.

DEAL WITH IT.

[Fusion X. Denver]

@ King

Good luck for that. I'll wait for more than eternity before that happens. >.>

 

And just to get it out of the way... since I've been holding this back for a while...

PATIENCE, PEOPLE! HE JUST SAID HE LOST THE WHOLE CHAPTER! IT MIGHT, AND PROBABLY WILL, TAKE HIM A WHILE! I BARELY CARE HOW MUCH YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THE CHAPTER.

HE.

NEEDS.

TIME.

DEAL WITH IT.

 

o.o

What he said.

Although, I do remember the major events of the chapter. It's just that some minor details I made will probably be lost.

Then again, I'll probably think of some new ones, so it evens out.

I'll get to writing tonight or tomorrow during school.

Not sure how much time I need to devote to studying for this stupid anatomy test...

[fenrir]

Thank you for wasting our time,

 

Click here to listen to darkmmxii_2011.04.09.Sat.20.02.48.mp3

 

Click here to listen to darkmmxii_2011.04.09.Sat.20.38.03.mp3

 

Forgot to post this, also part 2 is fixed. No hard feelings Fusion.

[Fusion X. Denver]

None taken.

It's just that I could have sworn someone said a Pichu-fic was better than this.

Which I strongly resent.

Otherwise, it's your opinion, I don't mind .-.

[fenrir]

Dark made the comment I believe. Your actual writing is fine, the only thing we hated was the plot. So you don't have to worry. :P

[Fusion X. Denver]

Ironic, your opinion's a direct contrast of everyone else's =P

I forgive Dark considering he was probably mildly high during that recording, so it's cool.

[Sploda]

@Jake

Avast > Norton imo.

 

+ Spybot Search and Destroy.

[Shadow Zero]

Yeah, well AVG 2011 > Avast. /fact

[Sploda]

@Zero

not so, I've worked with AVG. Over a 5 month period Avast stopped twice as many viruses as AVG did.

[BT]

STILL NOT IN CHAPTER... AND ITS ABOUT TROLLIN! I TROLL ALL THE TIME (once)

[Phantom Roxas]

Weather Reports, Foe Fiction. These are what have shown us the writing capability of YCM. That is, very little at all. Do we need more proof of this? Yes, because these are Phantom's Divinations.

 

[spoiler=To the 10th Power]Hello everyone. I'm sure you're all wondering why Roxas isn't here tonight. Well, you see, while enduring "PokemonXD Taken To The Max", Roxas prepared a shot of vodka for every use of the wrong there/their/they're. Unfortunately, Roxas is a total moron who can't hold his liquor, so I will be reviewing tonight. Of course, since I am a blatant self-insert like all of Roxas' protagonists are, that really doesn't make much of a difference.

 

Don't forget about me!

 

Jen? What in blazes are you doing here?

 

Roxas said I was his favorite character in 2 Minutes to Midnight! Besides, this is Roxas' tenth Divination, but he isn't here to enjoy it. Ten is always a huge milestone, and if Roxas won't be here to enjoy it, then I'm going to make sure it counts!

 

You may have been Roxas' favorite character, but that was only because you weren't as bland as Daniel or Austin, which isn't saying much. Basically, out of a trio of crappy characters, you just happened to suck the least. At least to Roxas, that is. While I'm at it, what makes you think that out of all the characters from all the fanfics that Roxas has reviewed, you deserve to be a guester star?

 

Well you're no fun! Don't worry, once you have enough passion, you'll be able to appreciate even the worst things in life!

 

Duly noted, even though you didn't answer my question. Anyway, you mentioned that this was the tenth Divination, and I agree that we should celebrate making it this far despite an atrocious time gap between these. As such, let's review Trio of DEF by Fusion X. Denver. Granted, Rarity, Dark, and Shadius already reviewed this, but Roxas told me that he planned to review this for his tenth Divination anyway. When he heard he got beaten to the bunch, he took another shot of vodka. Incidentally, it was that shot that rendered him unconscious and lead us to where we are now.

 

Roxas should have been more passionate if he really wanted to review that! That way he wouldn't have been beaten to the punch.

 

Yes, except Rarity was honestly the only one making much of an effort. Dark and Shadius were too busy wasting time and didn't even finish the first chapter. Instead they skipped to Chapter 22 and learned about Roxas' orgy.

 

Too much information, Blake.

 

Sorry. Anyway, let us not waste any more time! First, a little context for this fanfic and why it is important that this was special enough to be our tenth review. Fusion X. Denver was voted YCM's Best Writer/Fanfiction in December 2010, and we presume that it is for this fanfic. It currently has 30 chapters, and is one of the many fics that is based on YCM itself. Of course, Zexaeon obviously made the best fanfic of this kind, and thus any fanfic of a similar situation should automatically be deemed inferior, but as this is a lengthy fanfic, we can assume that eventually managed to prove itself worthy of its award. But did the first chapter leave a good first impression for Fusion's masterpiece? Let us begin.

 

Wow… You're so passionate about this.

 

Chapter 1: Fuse

 

If that ends up only being a reference to Fusion's name and not relevant to the events of this chapter, I'm going to kill Jen.

 

Hey!

 

But I will be passionate about it.

 

That doesn't help at all!

 

The alarm clock went off at 6:00 A.M on the morning of September 9th with a shrilling cry that pierced any eardrums within the vicinity. A hand clumsily felt around for the clock and then hit the snooze button. However, before its owner could delve back into the land of dreams, his sister burst into the room.

 

What is this nonsense? The first three sentences alone are filled with pretentious purple prose!

 

No, don't you see, Blake? Denver is aware that the writers of YCM aren't passionate enough about writing, and Denver is trying to establish his fanfic as well written by detailing his story to give the reader a clear idea of what is going on! By learning of this world that Fusion has created, we become immersed into this world as if we ourselves are living in it!

 

That's nonsense and you know it. The grammar is fine, but it's adding unnecessary depth to the descriptions.

 

“CHRIS! WAKE UP! WE HAVE TO LEAVE EARLY TODAY!” The young boy struggled to open his eyes and glared at his little sister standing there in his doorway with a haughty demeanor.

 

Denver, I know that you want to establish that this boy's sister is screaming, but isn't an exclamation point enough to convey her tone? After all, let us read the writings of Perseus Jackson. "I'd love to tell you I had some deep revelation on my way down, that I came to terms with my own mortality, laughed in the face of death, et cetera. The truth? My only thought was: Aaaaggghhhhh!" Please, do you honestly expect me to believe that this girl has to scream more loudly than someone who is expecting to fall to his own demise? There's no way anyone can be that passionate!

 

“Come on…just 15 more minutes.” He said just above the tone of a whisper.

 

Does no one understand that sentences like these should be written more along the lines of ""Come on...just fifteen more minutes," he said just above the tone of a whisper."?

 

He was answered with a clonk to his noggin and she stormed out of the room. He sighed and rolled out of bed and proceeded to get dressed. The first day of school…what the hell?! He opened his closet door and stared at his reflection. Staring back at him was a typical 16 year old guy: slightly above average height, mid-length brown hair, blue eyes, and a lanky figure riddled with acne in various places. He rubbed his chin that protruded his face and made a mental note to shave. Then Chris slipped into his outfit for the day and ate breakfast in relative quiet. The first day as a high school sophomore was daunting to him, but he was also relieved he wasn’t a freshman anymore.

 

*punch*

 

What the hell was that for?

 

I just delivered a punch to your head! Really, it's quite simple to know that I did just that. Chris isn't all that passionate about school, which is a rather overused character trait, don't you think? And I'm sorry, but the description of his face makes me imagine that there is a chin jutting from his neck, with the rest of his face protruding from that, and I haven't seen a sixteen year-old that lookins like that. It's astonishing that the absence of a single word can cause such a drastic confusion.

 

“I wonder what D.L or El are doing?” Chris said to himself.

 

Daisuke Link was up and brushing his teeth at that moment in time. He sneezed violently, which interrupted his morning ritual. Is someone thinking of me? Maybe it’s Katie! In the mirror in front of him stood a Brazilian of average height with short, curly hair and glasses resting on his nose. Daisuke finished brushing his teeth and zipped down the staircase into his living room. His other siblings were arguing over something, but he didn’t waste time involving himself in it and practically had to use gymnastics in order to traverse the chaos to grab a piece of toast and run out the door.

 

I abstained from commenting onto this until the end of the paragraph to properly show the transition. Since the paragraph break is no different from size than the previous paragraph breaks, it becomes rather jarring that we are suddenly introduced to Daisuke, who I presume is Enzax Aito, much like how Chris is apparently Fusion. Much like paragraph breaks are a necessity to prevent your story from being a wall of text, larger paragraph breaks suggest either a passage of time or a transition to an entirely different scene.

 

Also, who is Katie? Is that the source of Enzax's affections in real life? Or perhaps she is a member of YCM who has been turned into Daisuke's love interest?

 

Chapter Characters suggests that it's the later, I think, but that's not important. What is important is Daisuke's Passionate Maneuver!

 

“I can’t believe my car’s in the shop on the first day of school!"

 

At the same moment in time, a teenager with long, dark hair was dead asleep lying on his front covering the whole bed with his head buried in the pillow.

 

His father came in and said, “Boy, wake up. You have school today.”

 

YOU THERE. BOY.

 

Yes, because every father addresses their son like that. Such an inspirational father-son relationship!

 

He was met with no response, so he knelt down and shouted in his ear, “ELFMAN MAKE, GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED!”

 

Wait a minute, El is Elfman? In that case, who the hell does this guy think he is? Only a man decides whether or net he will wake up! If Elfman's father is man, then he will respect the decision of a man!

 

He was answered with El subconsciously bashing him in the face thinking it was his alarm clock. A few minutes later, El walked out of his house looking very disgruntled.

 

“Getting grounded over the most inane matters…feh.”

 

Clearly El used Take Over magic and his father is but a Muggle.

 

So I guess this is the titular "Trio of DEF"? Chris and Elfman were both introduced as lying in their beds when a family member wakes them up rather loudly. Daisuke, only the other hand-

 

That reminds me, anyone reading this owes Rarity and Dark $5.00 each.

 

Well, he's kind of creepy and takes any excuse up to and including a simple sneeze to believe that Katie loves him, which Chapter Characters informs me is in fact true. I'm sorry, but I don't like these guys.

 

And this is Jen who's saying this, everyone. Let that sink in for a while.

 

What's that supposed to mean?

 

About 20 minutes later, El pulled into the parking lot and Chris got off his bus.

 

“What’s good El?” Chris asked as they both trudged over to the front entrance.

 

“I got grounded again. Hit my stupid father in the face by accident.” he replied with no amusement.

 

Almost there. How about some more commas?

 

Chris winced, “Sucks bro, but hey, at least you don’t have a little sister yelling in your face.”

 

Just a parent, but Chris isn't going to mention that. I don't blame him.

 

El felt like mouthing off with his morning experience, but was simply too tired and said, “So where’s-”

 

“Yeah, siblings are a pain sometimes,” D.L said as he ran up behind Chris and El.

 

He read the inquisitive looks on his friends’ faces and replied, “My car’s in the shop. I had to go through chaotic siblings, traffic, a crazy hobo, and a Jennifer Lopez look-alike to get here.” Chris wondered just what kind of trouble he ran into whereas El simply dismissed it as more of D.L’s shenanigans.

 

Has Daisuke's age been explained yet? It's kind of hard because otherwise I imagine him as being the same age as Chris and Elfman.

 

“So Fuse…happy you’re not a freshman anymore?” El asked.

 

Chris perked up at his nickname and laughed, “Yeah man, no longer will I suffer from the indignities of being shunned by others, smushed into lockers, or being denied my dream. I shall charge into this year with the full power of the Springtime of Youth!” With that he took a pose with his fist raised in the air triumphantly.

 

Chris' speech seemed like something ripped from a standard shonen anime. I mean, he event quotes Might Guy! Oh Guy-sensei, you sexy, passionate beast you.

 

…What?

 

Moving along!

 

El and D.L stared at him blankly as Leo, a kid whose heart was as cold as ice and with hair to match in color, simply walked by and said, “F*g.”

 

Since Leo's a homophobe, that makes him more unlikeable than our "heroic" trio. SUCH A LIKABLE CAST OF CHARACTERS. As an actual Leo, I am insulted that this particular Leo is apparently ice-themed.

 

Chris immediately felt stupid and straightened up, saying, “Well, I guess I still need to work on my social skills.”

 

El nodded and walked inside, “D.L we have physics first. I hear the teacher’s a b*tch, we should get there on time.” D.L nodded and said bye to Chris. With that, Chris made his way to his locker. He glanced over and saw people crowding around someone. He made his way over and saw an argument going on. Immediately he recognized Alan "Deustodo" Deus and Lich Creator, known as the madness master and intelligent gambler respectively.

 

So far so good. Nothing could possibly mess this u-

 

Both were foreign and were referred to by their last names, they argued with each other frequently.

 

Run-on sentence! Faster than the speed of stupid, but slower than the speed of spell-check!

 

Deustodo stood tall and particularly focused his glare through his left eye and Creator glared back with piercing, purple eyes that always seemed to know what you were thinking.

 

Chapter Characters would have us believe that Creator looks like FusionFall!Dexter, but it's obvious that he is in fact hiding a Geass. The only reason who knows what people are thinking is because he's making them think what he expects them to think.

 

Wouldn't it just make more sense that he can read minds?

 

Wait, so he's Mao? That makes him far more awesome!

 

Deus was blabbing some nonsense about cake and madness while Creator argued with stuff that sounded logical and insulted Deustodo as insane.

 

This sentence sounds awkward, particularly the last part. Wouldn't it just be easier to say that Creator called Deustodo insane?

 

Chris walked to his locker since he never could follow their arguments. He opened it to discover someone had stuffed a bunch of burnt matches in there. With a heavy sigh he went to fetch the trash barrel.

 

"Oh hey, someone stuffed some matches in my locker. No biggie, it's not like an administrative officer can catch me at any moment and bust me, asking me how those got there.

 

One year ago, Chris was conducting his first biology lab during the first week of school. They were analyzing reactions of certain organic compounds with chemicals and one of the tests involved heating one of the chemicals. When Chris was tasked to light the match, he had trouble doing so until he finally got it. But the flame moved to close to Chris’ finger and he instinctively jerked, causing the match to fly out of his hand and fly into the teacher’s wooden desk, setting it on fire in the process. Before the biology teacher could get a fire extinguisher, the fire had spread and headed toward the chemicals. Everyone evacuated from the room just as the chemicals were lit and the room blew up, leaving a huge, gaping hole in the wall of the school.

 

Luckily no one was hurt and the school was understanding since it was an accident and Chris had an exemplary middle school record, so they did not expel him. However, he was suspended for a week and by the time he came back, everyone referred to him as Fuse, forever branding him with the nickname and reputation for his entire high school career. Chris did his best to be kind to everyone and shrug off anyone who made fun of him, but no one really wanted to befriend him.

 

Don't most schools not give the slightest damn about your past behavior? Chris committed a felony, even if it was an accident, and even if he wasn't expelled, he should have been suspended for longer and/or had to pay for the damage.

 

Blake, do you even know the full details about the rules at your school?

 

Do you even go to school?

 

Ah, touché.

 

Anyway, I'll give you props for establishing Chris' backstory, since there was actually an excuse to do so and it tied into how he received his current nickname.

 

Then one day he stumbled across El and D.L.

 

The two were hanging on a street corner staring at a lone, chibi doll with curly pink locks and a frown on her face.

 

“Whatever this thing is, I want to burn it.” El said as he reached for his dad’s lighter.

 

“No! I think it’s cute!” D.L said, grabbing the doll and holding it close.

 

“You realize that’s probably been peed on, right?” El said staring at D.L with disgust.

 

D.L put it in the pocket of his coat and replied, “I don’t care, I think I’ll keep it. I think I’ll call her…Rina.”

 

Chris had observed the scene and came forward, “Hey, isn’t she the tutorial guide in that MMORPG, Chibi Knights?” The two stared at him blankly making Chris feel awkward and wishing he hadn’t spoken.

 

…WHAT? Okay, you have got to be kidding me! Chris and El are apparently arsonists, which is yet another similarity between them. Their introductions were the same, and the backstory has them involving burning stuff, regardless of whether it was unintentional or merely considered. El also has his father's lighter for whatever reason, though I gather that he stole it, making El the least likable of the trio, while Daisuke is probably my favorite.

 

Don't say that! Remember when Roxas said someone was his favorite in a trio, and that someone was me?

 

Ah, yes. That lead to you somehow getting here and giving me a migraine. I might have to lay down when this all over.

 

…Next to Roxas? Because that would be-"

 

If you finish that sentence how I know you will finish it, then that is wrong in more ways than I can even begin to contemplate.

 

He was about to apologize and leave when D.L said, “Now that I think of it, you’re right. I’ve been playing so long, I barely remember the tutorial.”

 

El’s eyes narrowed and said, “Now I remember. She had the most annoying voice and personality, the only reason I didn’t quit was cuz I lost that bet with you D.L. Glad I stayed though, otherwise I would never have found the Hollowblade and become the SIC.”

 

Chris’ eyes widened with amazement and exclaimed, “You’re the Secret Illusionist Commandeer?! That’s flipping awesome!”

 

And it was through this chance meeting that Chris gained new fans!

 

Yes, yes, and then many a fanfic were written. It's as clichéd as someone running into Maximillion Pegasus - whoever that is - and being blown away because apparently he created Duel Monsters, which I know isn't true.

 

El quickly glanced at his surroundings to see if anyone he knew was around, and then replied, “I know right? Chibi Knights is actually pretty addictive. But don’t tell anyone.” He ended with a menacing tone.

 

Hold on a second!

 

Roxas, you're awake!

 

Keep it down, I have a hangover. I have a few things I would like to say to the both of you, but that will have to wait for now. In the meantime, haven't you realized that the Chibi Knights is an organization on YCM that has been turned into an MMORPG in this fanfic?

 

I guess, but that's relevant how? That's kind of the point of these kinds of fics, remember?

 

Oh. Eh, guess I'm just sad that the Organization hasn't been mentioned yet?

 

That reminds me, how are you handling that orgy, Roxas?

 

Who let her in here?

 

Chris gulped and turned to D.L, “So do you play CK too?”

 

The two of them laughed which confused Chris until D.L explained, “I’m the administrator of CK. I’m DarkLink401.”

 

Chris did his best to not stain his pants from excitement and said, “You two…you’re internet celebrities! I remember one time there was a crowd around you guys and I couldn’t get into Chibi City for a whole hour!”

 

I attended a Borders event where the main cast of The Lightning Thief movie was there. Granted, I could probably write an entire review on how unfaithful that was, but when Brandon T. Jackson said he was in Tropic Thunder, which I didn't realize until then, I cheered. Hell, if I met Mod Tytn, Tetsuya Nomura, Johnny Depp, or Amy Adams, I highly doubt that I would have such a reaction. It's not that realistic, and seems like something that would be from a stoner comedy, not a serious novel, which is what I presume Fusion is attempting to do here.

 

El shrugged and D.L giggled from amusement, then asked, “What’s your username?”

 

Chris sheepishly said, “Uh…FusionXD.”

 

El smirked and said, “Interesting how you did a variation of your nickname. So you’re the type of person who accepts humiliation?”

 

Chris felt silent, and then simply said, “Well, fusion’s coincidentally my favorite word. And…the X and D are my last two initials.”

 

El took this in and said, “I know people give you crap for it, but I’ve always wanted to blow up the school. I’m impressed you beat me to it.”

 

Chris was surprised and D.L continued, “Blowing stuff up and other out of place acts like that are some of my main interests, for you to do that as a freshman is amazing to me.”

 

Daisuke (Seriously, we know that those are their real names, so why not just refer to them as such?) can't continue, since Elfman was the last one to talk.

 

Chris felt weird and asked them, “So uh, what are your names?”

 

D.L offered his hand to shake and said, “My name is Daisuke, Daisuke Link, although my friends call me D.L. I’m a sophomore at YCM High and I’m essentially an otaku.”

 

El lifted his head up, “Name’s Elfman Make, call me Elfy, Manny, or anything besides El, I’ll kill you. I do what I want, when I want, and treat almost everyone with a prickish attitude. If you’re alright in my book, I insult you even more than I do the general public. Congratufrickinlations.”

 

Definitely my favorite line so far.

 

Chris shook D.L’s hand and stared at El with a little trepidation. “My name’s Chris Denver. Most people call me Fuse ever since freshman year; I’m a goody-two-shoes who doesn’t like to make enemies and tries to be friends with everyone.”

 

Chris, they know your nickname. That's Elfman made a big deal practically congratulating/envying you for blowing up the school before he could.

 

D.L smiled and said, “Well you’ve made two today. Want to sit with us at lunch tomorrow?”

 

Chris’ mouth opened in surprise a little bit and he said, “Sure! I’ll see you guys later then!” Then all three split up to make their ways back home. Suddenly it occurred to Chris that his conversation with El and D.L had caused him to miss the bus.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Later that day,

 

"Later that day" as in later during the flashback, or have we returned to the present and gone from there? If so, then that transition would have been nice to see earlier.

 

a similar incident occurred, as Chris was caught up in talking with them about their new classes and forgot about his bus. Chris had managed to get home by hitching a ride with the theater crew, since Chris’ house was on the way to the local theater.

 

“I’m lucky Black was there, they almost kicked me to the curb. That guy’s nice to just about everyone-” Suddenly he noticed a kid with long blond hair putting something in his mailbox.

 

“Hey, what are you doing?!” Chris yelled.

 

Hey, maybe it's just the mailman doing his job.

 

Liberty.

 

Reason.

 

Justice.

 

Civility.

 

Edification.

 

Perfection.

 

MAIL.

 

The kid saw him and threw something to the ground. Purple smoke enveloped where he stood and after a few seconds, the cloud cleared and he was gone.

 

“Weird…like a ninja…” Chris muttered to himself. He carefully opened his mailbox and found a letter inside it. He fiddled with it until it opened and he read the first line of the notice inside with one sentence, an address, and a date.

 

“Please join this organization…” Chris read out loud.

 

Organization XIII?

 

Ha! You wish.

 

So guys, what did you think?

 

I honestly didn't think this left a good first impression, since I don't particularly care for half the characters.

 

The chapter ended with a good hook, though, so I guess it leads up to something better later on. Overall, I can see how this could lead the way for a good fanfic, since it actually gave Chris a backstory, though I didn't like that there were a few inconsistencies in terms of time and referring to certain characters.

 

Roxas, you have no idea how much you missed.

 

Well I liked it! Roxas, do you think you might read this again?

 

I guess. Well, I'm in it, so that's incentive enough, and if it really won the award for Best Fanfic, then it must be worthwhile. However, I don't think it set up the plot until the very end, at least from what I read.

 

Oh, it was basically about three kids who did their morning routine then went to school?

 

So the premise isn't much different than a standard Duel Academy fic? No offense.

 

Pretty much, and none taken.

 

So Roxas, how did I do?

 

Well, I'll have to review the commentary you and Blake had while I was out, and I'll decide from there. Let us head to my office and we can discuss this matter further.

 

Okay!

 

Edited April 12, 2011 by Phantom Roxas

[Fusion X. Denver]

I love how all the review threads are coming in NOW.

In April.

7 months after I started.

Not that I don't appreciate critique, I thank you for that. Some of the stuff I'll keep in mind whenever I rewrite this.

But I wrote that in September. The writing's considerably of lower quality than the later chapters, I think I've improved since then.

...then again, maybe I'm wrong.

DL, has my writing honestly gotten any better since then .-.

@Roxas-For future reference, Daisuke is Hayate Ayasaki, Enzax Aito is Creator. Might have figured that out after reading though.

[Phantom Roxas]

Considering how much they changed names, I'm not surprised I messed that up.

[Sploda]

@Roxas

I find it odd that you wouldn't notice that Enzax Aito suddenly replaced all posts where Creator used to be in several threads.

 

Also nice reference to Homestuck Mail lady.

[Phantom Roxas]

I always get you two confused.

 

Fusion, consider this. Even though my review only covered your first chapter from months ago, you can take a look at your fanfic and realize just how far you have come since you began.