Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted August 28, 2010 Report Share Posted August 28, 2010 Hello, I've decided to make a New Fan Fiction. I understand that you all have a lot of questions, read the plot if you want to understand it better. [spoiler=Plot] It is now in the Year 3000, since Duel Monsters was made, it has evolved greatly. Not only over Ten Million cards were created in the previous Millennium, over a Hundred forms of Duels were created. A new Organisation of Villians, known as the Organisation Otan, who want to make a new Millennium of Duel Monsters, they have an mystery plan and they have over 500 people in their Ranks. A new Duel Academy in England, known as Advanced England Academy was made in 2985, the Academy is Located on an Island on the South-East of England. Now they have planned to recruit Duelists from Europe, South America and West Asia to join this Academy. Many Duelists have joined this Academy, they were said to turn weak Duelists into professional Duelists. It's location is unknown since it is on an island on the South-East of England. An Duelist who knows nothing about Duel Monsters History yet is better at strategy called Pete Ivor, wishes to join this legendary Academy, but was too young then. Now that he had turned 15, he was allowed to join with his friends and his slightly older brother named Tom Ivor. Will Pete suceed the challenges that AEA(Advanced England Academy) provide him with. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Ranking System and Academy Imformation] [b]STUDENT RANKINGS [/b] Students are Ranked from 1-10 if they pass the Entrence Exam, meaning 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest. Each Rank has an Boys and Girls Dorms, depending the Rank also shows what Teacher you will have for Lessons. The Rank also shows how skilled of a Duelist you are and the amount of respect you gain from other Students and Teachers. Students can be promoted in Ranks and are at the age of 15-19.... [b]STAFF RANKINGS[/b] At the bottem are Duel Testers who have the Job of dueling the Students at Exams, next is the Teachers who Teach obviously. In the Middle is Dorm Teacher, there can only be 1 Teacher at 1 Ranked Gender Dorm, the Dorm Teacher are responsible to the people in their Dorms. Second Higest are the Deputy Head, who are in charge when the Head Teacher is away, there can only be 1 Deputy Head. The Highest is the Head Teacher who is in charge of the Academy. Only Deputy or those elected to become Head Teacher can be promoted, Teachers are at the age of 25-65 There can be Cooks, Card Sellers, Janitors and more, but they don't count in the Ranking System. [b]OTAN RANKINGS[/b] Nobody knows yet. However, it should have it's Leader and Minions. (The more the Fan Fic goes the more Ranks Shown) [b]EXAMS[/b] The main Exam is the Entrence Exam that is the Exam all Duelists have to take to become a Student of the Academy, it has 2 Exam's in it, known as the Practical and Written Exam. In the Practical you start with 4000 Life Points, the Applicant will Duel a Duel Tester, the score will be determined by the Applicant's Life Points at the end Divided by 40, if the Applicant had lost the Duel they get a 0, if they win with over 4000 they still get a 100. The Written Exam is where you have 100 questions about Duel Monsters, if you get an answer correct you get 1 point. Overall you will have a score between 0-200, the Higher the Score the Higher the Rank. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Apps] [spoiler=Student App] Name: Age: (Check Ranking System for Max and Min are) Gender: Biography: (Should be more than 4 Lines) Rank: (Check Ranking System for more Info)(You are not allowed to be a 10) Appearence: (I accept Picture or Description) [/spoiler] [spoiler=Staff App] Name: Age: (Check Ranking System for what the Max and Min are) Gender: Biography: (Should be more than 4 Lines) Rank: (Check Ranking System for more Info)(You are not allowed to be a Head Teacher) Appearence: (I accept Picture or Description) [/spoiler] [spoiler=Organisation Otan App] Name: Age: (Can be any) Gender: Biography: (Should be more than 4 Lines) Rank: (Im sorry, but before making an Otan App, you will need to Pm me asking the Ranks, because I can't show them early in this Fan Fiction, then I'll reply them) Appearence: (I accept Picture or Description) [/spoiler] [spoiler=Read Before making an App] You might notice the Applicantion says nothing about the Deck, that's because you will later Pm me the Deck and link to it after your App is Accepted. The characters list will be shown on a different Post.If theres something I missed out then Post saying. [/spoiler] [/spoiler] More comming soon, also Custom Cards are allowed you should know. [spoiler=Chapter 1 A New Duelist] 2nd January, 3000 I am a 15 Year old named Pete Ivor, I was wearing an red shirt with black trousers, I am short for my age and I have Black spicky Hair with Brown Eyes. I am possible the worst duelist out of my friends, however, some say I can sometimes do good strategy, but not enough to win. I have decided to become a better duelist and to do that I need to learn the History of Duel Monsters at the legendary Advanced England Academy, it was said that they turn duelists into professionals. However, I am uncertain where it is, some say it's on an island hidden from those trying to sneak in. ____________________________________Applicants Center_______________________________________________________ As I walked towards the Application center of the Advanced England Academy, it was full as I had guessed. After Half an Hour of waiting I had managed to get in. When I had entered there was a Teacher wearing a hoody, he had a beard on and was wearing sunglasses, he was wearing a blue jacket and black trousers. He had told us to sit a bunch of chairs. "Ok Applicant's,"The Teacher announced to the Applicants,"I am Teacher of the biggest Academy known in England, to be in Newcastle is great, anyway now comence your first part of the Entrence Exam."He suggested as another guy had walked around handing out pieces of papper to everyone."Now for the Written Exam, you will have 100 normal questions about the History of Duel Monster and a little about cards, your task is to answer them in 2 Hours....Starting now." I had noticed my Brother Tom a few rows in front, he was the Smarter and Superior Duelist compared to me, he would possible get them all correct. Me however, would be luckly to at least get a few. As I was given the piece of paper, I had saw that it was tough, I had lost hope for myself, I had knew that if the next exam was harder, I could fail. "Times up,"The same Teacher had calmly said 2 Hours after the test had started, as he had sent a few guys to collect them in,"We will mark them later, now for the Practical Exam, you will Duel a random Duel Tester, now lets go to the Duel Arena." ______________________________________Application Center/Duel Arena__________________________ The duel Arena was a nice place full of people chattering away,"First Duel, Pete Ivor vs Bob Shern."The Teacher explained as a guy from the Duel Testers and I had ran to our places. "Now, young one."Bob exclaimed as he had quickly shuffled his deck, he had felt comfident in his Duel Testers uniform, it was a brown jacket, black trousers and he had an Duel Disk that looked cool."I won't go easy on you," "Time for you to lose,"I replied to him as the Duel Tester suddenly smiled as I had shuffled my deck as quick as I can. "Lets see, now we will decide who decides who goes first from a flip of a coin, but the chance of you winning are small."Bob laughed as he threw his coin in the air,"I'll let you decide what side you chose for your de-" "I pick, Heads."I quickly interrupted as the coin had landed Tails,"Curses, I guess you pick who goes first then." "Lets see if your a better Duelist than your a....."Bob replied as he paused,"Whatever, retard, we will start with 4000 Life Points as normal." "LETS DUEL !"we both Shouted as the Duel Disk system activated in a Normal Duel. "Hmmm, I go first,"Bob decided as he drew 5 cards a grin appeared on his face,"I set a Monster and Set a card and end my turn." "You had made your Monster a mystery,"I saw as I then looked at my hand, it was not bad."I Summon One Shielded Defender in Atk Mode (800/1400), now I will activate his ability, I can select 1 random card from your hand and send it to the top of my Deck."I explained as a dark hand yanked a card from Bob's hand and placed it in my deck. [img]http://img26.imageshack.us/img26/9834/137606.jpg[/img] [i]No my [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Ryu_Kokki"]Ryu Kokki[/url][/i], Bob thought nervously, [i]That guy is smarter than he, thinks he is, now my strategy is going down hill[/i] "I set a card and I activate from my hand Mystery Jar,"I smiled as a picture of a Dark Jar emerged from it's card,"Now I can Draw 2 cards, then I can Special Summon 1 Monster out of the two I drew in Facedown Def Mode, but I have to pay 500 Life Points (Pete 3500 Life Points), now I order my One Shielded Defender to stuipidly attack your Monster." [img]http://img843.imageshack.us/img843/9834/137606.jpg[/img] "It's a [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Morphing_Jar"]Morphing Jar[/url] (700/600), now we send all cards in our hands to the Graveyard, then we draw 5 cards."Bob sort of smiled as a glimmer of a frown was seen on his face,[i] Urghh, that Facedown Monster must be Ryu Kokki, that guy might of prevented me from using my Trap on him, well this is a duel I won't lose[/i] "So it's your turn now,"I reminded Bob as he had drew and was silent. [i]Lets see I could summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Vorse_Raider"]Vorse Raider[/url] and destroy that One Shield Defender, but then if that set monster is Ryu Kokki then he will obliverate my Life Points[/i], Bob thought as he then looked at another card in his hand, [i]I could set [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Man-Eater_Bug"]Man Eater Bug[/url] an then next turn destroy my Ryu Kokki that he had sent to his deck, but then he could tribute his One Shielded Defender or swarm his Field.[/i] "Getting nervous,"I smiled as Bob grew slightly angry,"You haven't taken your turn." "SHUT UP !!!"Bob shouted,"I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Vorse_Raider"]Vorse Raider[/url] in Atk Mode (1900/1200), now [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Vorse_Raider"]Vorse Raider[/url], attack the losers One Shielded Defender (Pete 2400 Life Points), you see, leaving that weakling on the Field in Atk Position was a big mistake." "Booo !"People from the crowd had shouted as Pete's friends had remained quiet. "I'll turn this duel around, my draw."I drew as I then grinned again."Now I flip up the Monster I had Special Summoned from my Mystery Jar and it was your [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Ryu_Kokki"]Ryu Kokki[/url] (2400/2000), next I Summon Fireheart Golem in Atk Mode (1500/1500), you might notice he has 300 more Def than what's on the card, well that's because he gains 500 Def for every face up Pyro Monster on the Field."I grinned as the giant skull zombie and the fire golem stood on my Field,"Ryu Kokki attack Vorse Raider (Bob 3500 Life Points), now Fireheart Golem, direct attack (Bob 2000 Life Points)." [img]http://img819.imageshack.us/img819/9834/137606.jpg[/img] "Ahh !"Bob screamed as he had hit the ground. "Ok, that crazy Duel Tester was thinking he was hurt by holograms,"a Person said. "The guy using weak cards is now winning, by far weird."another Person replied confused. "Urghh, I draw,"Bob drew as he had gotten up from the ground, he had suddenly laughed,"Pete, you think your going to win, soon you will lose." "What !"I replied,"But im dominating with two Monsters." "Not now, I activate Premature Berial from my hand, so I can pay 800 Life Points to Special Summon my Vorse Raider in Def Mode (1900/1200)(Bob 1200 Life Points), next I activate the Face Down I had set at the Beginning of the duel and it's [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Call_of_the_Haunted"]Call of the Haunted[/url] bringing back Morphing Jar in Atk Mode (700/600), now I tribute them both to Summon my strongest Monster !!! Say hello to [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Despair_from_the_Dark"]Despair from the Dark[/url] in Atk Mode (2800/3000)."Bob laughed as a giant dark shadow emerged from the ground,"Now attack Fireheart Golem." "Oh, no,"one of Pete's friends gasped as the Despair From The Dark launched it's shadowy hand at the Golem, he was the shorter one."If the attack hits then Pete's Life Points would be 1100, knowing Pete, he would have a low score in the Written Exam, so if this attack hits Pete has a high chance of failing." "Well at least we might pass if we don't have that Duel Tester,"the middle sized friend replied. "Maybe,"the taller friend guessed as the shadowy hand was closer. "I activate Dark Chain,"I reveiled my Face Down what was a bunch of chains, it had launched from the card and wrapped Despair From The Dark in it as it's attack suddenly dropped (1800/3000). [img]http://img838.imageshack.us/img838/9834/137606.jpg[/img] "WHAT !!!"Bob shouted as he then questioned,"When did you set that card." "During my first turn of chorse,"I replied. "I-I end,"Bob signed. "Now Ryu Kokki attack Despair from the Dark (Bob 600 Life Points) and Fireheart Golem attack Bob directly (Bob 0 Life Points)."I finished as Bob then was angry yet confused. "But why didn't you activate Dark Chains when my Vorse Raider had attacked your One Shielded Defender !?"Bob questioned as his face was red. "That's simple,"I hand tried to explain,"On my hand during that turn I didn't have Fireheart Golem, so if I had used Dark Chain then my Life Points might of stayed at 3500, but if I didn't draw Fireheart Golem then your Life Points would of been 2700 and you would of been able to Summon an more powerful monster since you were obviously so comfident before you had unleased Depair." "The first duel is over,"The Teacher had announced,"The fact is that you had gained 60 points during the Practical Exam and since the fact is you will get rejected if you have 49 or less points then you, Pete Ivor, will pass no matter what uou get in the Written Exam that I haven't marked yet." "Yay !"a bunch of People cheered for me as I had sat down. _________________________________Applicantion Center/Outside___________________________________________ It was midnight as Bob had sat there depressed on a bench."How could I lose,"Bob had said to himself,"I must become a better Duelist then I'll have my revenge on that Pete Ivor newbie." "Muhha,"laughed an evil voice. "Who's there !"Bob shouted out as he was cautious skimming around. "We know about your suffering, now become one of us."the evil voice replied calmly. "ONE OF US, ONE OF US, ONE OF US !"a bunch of evil voices repeated as it formed a chant. "Show yourself !"Bob again shouted. "Ok,"the main evil voice replied as a Dark Man emerged from the trees, he had a Duel Disk on. But not a normal Duel Disk, first it was black and it had darkness rising from it, it looked like an arm from an dark beast. The Man himself was in a dark cloak, he had a dark hoody on his face as it was covered with Darkness."We shall Duel, or some say Children's Card Games." "Fine,"Bob accepted as he had activated his Duel Disk. "By the way, I've heard you had lost to a Duelist named Pete Ivor, well hes not a new Duelist, he just have weak cards."the Dark Man replied as a shroad of shadows rised around them,"Also this shadow is an Shadow Game, you might of heard in the legends, when you lose Life Points you practically get hurt, the more hurt you are the more closer you spirt is to the Shadow Realm, there is different forms of Shadow Games but this one is the most common." "LETS DUEL !!!"they both shouted END OF CHAPTER [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Final Messenger Posted August 28, 2010 Report Share Posted August 28, 2010 This will get locked add prolouge or chap 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted August 28, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 28, 2010 Ok, I'll do it as fast as I can, I was in a rush. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twig Posted August 28, 2010 Report Share Posted August 28, 2010 I'm doing a review because I feel like it. [quote name='destruction hero' timestamp='1283023216' post='4575514'] Hello, I've decided to make a New Fan Fiction. I understand that you all have a lot of questions, read the plot to understand it better. [b]No, I will not read the plot or the ranking system and academy information. Have you ever read a book? How many books have you read contained a wall of exposition at the beginning intending to set up the plot? There's some books that show maps, drawings of the characters/objects, or something else small. But I have never seen a book that explains most if not all the plot right at the beginning. You: Ok, here's the plot. Now here's the story. No. The plot is the story. In other words, explain the plot within the story.[/b] [b]As I skipped all the stuff that was suppose to be explained in the story, I also saw a spoiler for apps, and were's only in chapter one. If you don't have all your characters thought out, you won't be able to think ahead of the plot. Characters greatly affect the story. Adding a new character each time someone applies for one can dramatically change the story, unless they'll only be used for fillers(which shouldn't even be in books) or side-plots. [/b] [spoiler=Chapter 1 A New Duelist] [spoiler=Part 1] [b]I don't understand why anyone would separate chapters. Chapters already separate the book. What's the point?[/b] ___________________________________Application Center_________________________________________- I am a 15 Year old named Pete Ivor, I am the worst duelist out of my Friends. [b]Here, we see that destruction hero doesn't know when to end a sentence and knows how to capitalize words that don't need to be capitalized. Pete is the worst duelist ever, but watch as destruction hero makes him win several duels, lose one or two, maybe a draw and make Pete a Gary Stu. But now that I said it, d. hero will probably try to avoid this. cwutididthar? Probably not.[/b] As I walked towards the Application center of the Advanced England Academy, it was full as I had guessed. [b]I love how you capitalize words at the beginning that don't even need capitalization and forget to capitalize a word that does need capitalization in this sentence. This sentence just sounds awkward. I picture sentences like these that start with "as" as: As (subject does this), (something happens). But in this sentence, it says: As (subject does this), (subject2 gets described). It's just...odd. In a bad way.[/b] After 1 Hour of waiting I had managed to get in. [b]You take time to capitalize "hour" which doesn't even need it, but you're too lazy to spell out "one?"[/b] When I had entered there was a Teacher wearing a Hoody, he had a Beard on and was wearing glasses. [b]I thought the capitalization problem wasn't a biggy, but now it's driving me crazy. Why? Why are you randomly capitalizing words? WHY? We get little description on this teacher, but we have no description for Pete other than he's fifteen. I'll just picture him with brown hair and brown eyes. [/b] He had pointed us to a bunch of Chairs. [b]What? If you take out the prepositions, we get "He had pointed us." What is that suppose to mean?[/b] "Ok Applicant's,"The Teacher announced to himself, [b]And we have a crazy teacher who talks to himself. Great.[/b] "I am Teacher of the biggest Academy known in England, to be in Newcastle is great, anyway now comence your first part of the Entrence Exam."He suggested as another guy had walked around handing out Pieces of Papper to everyone. [b]Agnes: IT'S SO CAPITALIZED, I'M GOING TO DIE! It's ironic that Agnes is using caps lock, but let's not get sidetracked. I just noticed something. Apparently, this is the biggest academy in England and Pete is trying to join. Do they just let anyone in with a deck? No wonder they got this crazy teacher. Shouldn't the line be longer if the school is this big of a deal? People should be waiting for days to get in the biggest academy that lets anyone in![/b] "Now for the Written Exam, you will have 100 easy questions, your task is to answer them in 2 Hours....Starting now." [b]If this is how it is in the advanced school, I wonder what they make the applicants do in the regular schools. 100 super easy questions in four hours? [/b] I had noticed my Brother Tom a few rows in front, he was the Smarter and Superior Duelist compared to me, he would possible get them all correct. [b]Is Pete this dumb that he can't believe in himself to answer one hundred EASY questions in two hours? He's definitely going to win the duel exam. In fan-fics, the dumber the character, the more they will accomplish. [/b] Me however, would be luckly to at least get a few. [b]Then why did he even waste his time waiting in line and doing all of this if he thinks he's going to fail? Pete, you're a complete loser. Even Naruto is better than you. Believe it![/b] As I was given the Piece of Paper, I had saw that it was tough, I had lost hope for myself, I had knew I was going to fail. [b]I'm doing this review blind. That means I read a couple lines, then review. I read more, then review. And so on. So how is it that I'm somehow predicting what destruction hero is going to say even though I'm not even trying to predict? The sentences are so basic. There's nothing interesting about them at all. Even though Pete is terrifyingly dumb, he's still has qualities of a Gary Stu. Dull and uninteresting. [/b] "Times up,"The same Teacher had calmly answered 2 Hours later as he had sent a few guys to collect them in,"We will mark them later, now for the Practical Exam, you will Duel a random Duel Tester, now lets go to the Duel Arena. [b]This is the most original duel academy fic ever. In fact, it's so original, I might die. I see that destruction hero is trying to replace "said" with other words, but he's replacing it with words that don't even relate to what the teacher said. "Answered" should be used when you, oh I don't know, answer a question? [/b] ______________________________________Application Center/Duel Arena__________________________ The duel Arena was a nice place full of people chattering away,"First Duel, Pete Ivor vs Bob Shern."The Teacher explained as a guy from the Duel Testers and I had ran to our places. "Now, young one."Bob exclaimed as he had quickly shuffled his deck. [b]Bob seems too excited with that period next to him. It's actually better to use "said" over and over again instead of using random synonyms that have different meanings. [/b] "Time to lose,"I replied as the Duel Tester suddenly smiled. [b]Pete: I'm going to lose. Nobody likes me. I'm not good at anything. I have no friends. I want to die. *Cuts wrists* And of course, we have more crazy employees who smile suddenly at the most random times. Why are you calling him duel tester if we already know his name?[/b] "Lets see, now we will decide who duels from a flip of a coin."Bob laughed as he threw his coin in the air. [b]I'm seriously scared of the employees here. Why is he laughing as he throws the coin? I'm imagining it as an evil laugh and that Bob(such an original name) is a villain that's controlling the coin to land the way he wants it to land. I'm assuming the coin flipping was for who gets first turn, but the it says the coin was for deciding who is dueling. We now how 5000% confirmation that this wasn't proofread.[/b] "I pick, Heads."I quickly interrupted as the coin had landed Tails,"Curses." [b]Oh look. We switch from third person to first person.[/b] "Lets see if your a better Duelist than your a....."Bob replied as he paused,"Whatever, retard, we will start with 4000 Life Points as normal." [b]In Advanced Duel Academies, employees call students retards and suck at making insults.[/b] "LETS DUEL !"we both Shouted as the Duel Disk system activated in a Normal Duel. END OF PART [b]I'm so glad I didn't have to review a duel. I hate duels. They bore me to death.[/b] [/spoiler] [/spoiler] Sorry the first part was short. [/quote] So let's recap. Pete, a complete loser who thinks of himself as a complete loser, goes to a what is supposedly an "advanced" duel academy that has crazy employees who talks to themselves, smiles suddenly, laugh as they flip coins, and calls students retards. Pete, who is also a complete idiot, decides to wait in line for one hour, take a super easy test which he thinks is tough, and do a duel and say "time to lose" even though he's 100% sure that he'll fail. Characters like Pete shouldn't be doing anything at all. Complete losers are also usually paired with someone who will encourage them to keep going and all that cheerleader things. None of these two qualities are in the story. I could already see what's going to happen. Pete will slowly start to believe in himself and become harder, better, faster, stronger. Oh, and there will be bullies and super evil villains he will have to face. Perhaps things would have been different if I read the plot, but there's nos exception for not explaining the plot within the story. Long story short, it's just another duel academy YCM fic. Edit: Apparently, chapter one was rushed. You do know Rinne unlocks it if you show him the chapter. Maybe you should have taken time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted August 29, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 29, 2010 Firstly, you were supose to read the Plot, to make you understand easily. Has there ever been a plot hidden from the Book ? Secondly, you obviously aren't who you seem, since why are you a reviewer, when you have proven to have mistaken it slightly. Thirdly, the point is you ask before reviewing. Fourthly, AEA is said to turn Losers into Professionals, that made Pete interested. Finaly, tossing a coin is the way people decide who goes first, what else could it be in Duel Monsters. EDIT: edited Part 1, I have thought through my Fan Fic, I have been planning it since the Forum had changed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twig Posted August 29, 2010 Report Share Posted August 29, 2010 [quote name='destruction hero' timestamp='1283070648' post='4577519'] Firstly, you were supose to read the Plot, to make you understand easily. Has there ever been a plot hidden from the Book ? [b]None. The plot is explained throughout the book. The character(s) is introduced, the conflict(s) is introduced, the character(s) tries to end the conflict, climax comes, and resolution ends it. The whole book is just a super detailed version of the plot.[/b] Secondly, you obviously aren't who you seem, since why are you a reviewer, when you have proven to have mistaken it slightly. [b]Mistaken what?[/b] Thirdly, the point is you ask before reviewing. [b]Read the rules, bro. Criticism is fine as long as I don't flame. Crab just takes a step further because she knows she's going to destroy it.[/b] Fourthly, AEA is said to turn Losers into Professionals, that made Pete interested. [b]That was never said in the chapter. Even if Pete was interested, he literally said that he was going to fail. So why did Pete even try if he thinks he's going to lose? The world may never know.[/b] Finaly, tossing a coin is the way people decide who goes first, what else could it be in Duel Monsters. [b]Yeah, I already know that. I was just pointing that out because the way you worded it in your sentence was all wrong. Second, there's some cards that use coins like Time Wizard(I'm not sure. I haven't played in a while).[/b] EDIT: edited Part 1, I have thought through my Fan Fic, I have been planning it since the Forum had changed. [/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted August 30, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2010 1. The Plot goes slowly through this Fan Fiction, since the fact the Otan Organisation is meantioned later. You have commented about me being lazy to change 1 into one when normal people would use Hours or Minutes as Figures and yet you refuse to read a 3 Paragraph short Plot. 2. You have also been commenting about the Capitals when when there is an exeption to having Capitals beside the first letter of a sentence, what you obviously know. Why would I change the Main Character into a Gary Stu ? Since he doesn't even like Duel Monsters and what makes a Main Character a Main Character, is the fact they would never give up and some believe in the HOTC. 3. My mistake, forgotten that. 4. Maybes the fact it said legendary Duel Academy, might say something. Practicaly he replied to Bob,"Time to Lose." what he was talking to Bob meaning he was saying Bob was going to lose. 5. Well it was Edited the day before I had put the Post up, yes Time Wizard does have the coin effect, but since Time Wizard or any other card that has the Toss a Coin effect wasn't played during the time Bob threw the coin in the air. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twig Posted August 30, 2010 Report Share Posted August 30, 2010 [quote name='destruction hero' timestamp='1283158250' post='4581399'] 1. The Plot goes slowly through this Fan Fiction, since the fact the Otan Organisation is meantioned later. You have commented about me being lazy to change 1 into one when normal people would use Hours or Minutes as Figures and yet you refuse to read a 3 Paragraph short Plot. [b]I'm not reading the plot because it should be explained throughout the story. That's what every writer does! If you think the plot is going to slow, maybe you should have skipped the whole entrance exam and just started with Pete already in the Duel Academy. At least that makes this fic less cliched.[/b] 2. You have also been commenting about the Capitals when when there is an exeption to having Capitals beside the first letter of a sentence, what you obviously know. [b]As far as I know, capitals are used at the beginning of the sentence or at the beginning of a name of a specific noun.[/b] Why would I change the Main Character into a Gary Stu ? [b]I was being sarcastic about the Gary Stu. [/b] Since he doesn't even like Duel Monsters and what makes a Main Character a Main Character, is the fact they would never give up and some believe in the HOTC. [b]That's what makes a cliched main character.[/b] 3. My mistake, forgotten that. 4. Maybes the fact it said legendary Duel Academy, might say something. [b]I have no idea what you're trying to say.[/b] Practicaly he replied to Bob,"Time to Lose." what he was talking to Bob meaning he was saying Bob was going to lose. [b]Oh, so he suddenly gains confidence during the duel, but he believes that he will fail the easy written exam.[/b] 5. Well it was Edited the day before I had put the Post up, yes Time Wizard does have the coin effect, but since Time Wizard or any other card that has the Toss a Coin effect wasn't played during the time Bob threw the coin in the air. [b]No comment.[/b] [/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted August 30, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2010 Yes the Plot should be explained throughout the story, but it's just one chapter and the first is always the worst. I can't skip the entrence exam because without the entrence exam, then the other exams in Duel Academy are insignicant. I was wondering why you commented on me capitalizing Advanced England Academy. It was the teachers who had said that the written exam was easy, since the fact you might of noticed that this Fan Fic is in the year [b]3000[/b], from the [b]title[/b] or if you had read the [b]plot[/b]. These questions would of mainly been about Duel Monsters History, since most people wouldn't of researched they would struggle like Pete. I had said Pete was the worst Duelist out of his [b]friends[/b], not the worst Duelist ever. His friends might be slightly better than him, so theres still a chance for the dumb Duelist to pass the entrence exam. Plus, Duel Testers are weak Duelists, to give Applicants a chance to show their strategy. You might then reply asking what makes AEA so Legendary, well my Fan Fic will later show why, but then again you might not want to know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twig Posted August 30, 2010 Report Share Posted August 30, 2010 One of the challenges on writing a story is figuring out when and how you're going to explain parts of the plot on the story, but just explaining them head-on isn't a solution. The easy way isn't always the good way. Skipping the entrance exam makes the other exams insignificant? What's the logic behind that? It's just annoying. It's not a biggy, but it's still annoying. I don't know how knowing the history of duel monsters will help you in dueling. I thought entrance exams would test skill and knowledge. I thought there would be questions like "what would you do in this situation?" Or maybe even a test about rulings and strategies. If you were in a duel, how would knowing that Maximillion Pegasus created Duel Monsters help you in the duel? Still, you made Pete sounds like a complete loser. It's not about what you think of your characters, it's what the readers think. I just find it odd that an "Advance" Duel Academy would let anyone in with a deck, and that their duel testers are meant to be weak. Every Duel Academy focuses to make weak students to strong duelists, so don't make that excuse. I thought "Advance" Academies mean that they only take in "Advance" students. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted September 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2010 I for some reason had forgotten why the others would be not important without the Entrence Exam. Part of the lessons are about Duel Monsters History, while others are about strategy and cards, that fact would only be useful on Pegasus himself, however, since this Fan Fic is in the year 3000, Pegasus would be dead. I guess I'll have to make Pete a duelist who has no idea about the History of Duel Monsters yet makes up with his strategy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted September 4, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2010 I've edited Chapter 1, in my opinion it seems long enough for a chapter. I will make Chapter 2 soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted September 6, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2010 Now for Chapter 2. [spoiler=Chapter 2 An Duel On The Ship Part One] 3rd January, 3000 After I had returned from the Applicantion Center in Advanced England Academy, I had done nothing, I was clearly excited waiting for the day to come. A few hours later I had received a letter that was from the Academy. As I had opened it, I was thrilled by staring at it....I had passed just like that Teacher had said, his name was Josh, he was a teacher for Rank 1 Students, what I am. I was told to arrive at the Dock shown on the letter in London at 1-5pm and go on the Ship. ______________________________________London/Docks________________________________________ As I had arrived there was a line, just like when I was an Applicant, my 3 friends were in front of me. The shorter friend is callled Sam, the middle sized friend is called Daniel and the taller friend is called Matthew. As I had gotten to the front of the line there was a Security Guard, wearing a black suit and glasses, he was holding a piece of papper that seems to have a list on it. "Name ?"He questioned in an bored tone. "Pete Ivor,"I replied as he looked at the list, on the list was a picture of me. "Go in,"He said as he had pointed into the door of the Ship. ______________________________________AEA Ship/Front Room______________________________________ As I had gotten into the ship, there was a line once again, I was getting annoyed. I had relized there was less chatter inside than outside, as I had reached the desk, there was a man who was wearing a red shirt with a tie in it and black trousers, his shoes were hidden since the desk was in the way. The Man looked Asian and had black hair. "So what's your name ?"the Man had questioned being quite excited. "Pete Ivor,"I had repeated as he had then paused. "OK,"he then said as he then continued,"Your room will be on the 5th floor in room 608, this ship is where you will be staying for 1 day until we reach Advanced England Academy, we have had tones of new Students so we have to wait until we move the Ship towards Advanced England Academy."he explained as he had sent another Man to collect my suitcase and bring them to my room. _______________________________________AEA Ship/Room 608__________________________________________ As the guy had lead me into the room, it was quite small, but I was ok with it. When I had sat down on my bed, the time was 15:35, I had became puzzled about the Advanced England Academy and everything about it. When it was 16:00, I had heard a knock on the door, as I had opened it, it was Matthew. "Hello,"Matthew welcomed as he had looked at the room,"So you have the small room," "Is this something to do with the Ranking System ?"I had questioned as Matthew nodded. "Yes, during the Entrence Exam the higest Rank a Duelist can get is Rank 4 depending on their score, me and Sam are Rank 4 Duelist so we get big rooms and the teachers had told us about what they are going to do a week after we all have reached England Academy." "Will you tell me ?"I again questioned. "No, this is about the secret of how this Academy is the biggest Academy in England and why it's flooding with Duelists."Matthew replied as he changed the subject,"Theres a Dueling Arena on the 3rd Floor want to come ?" "Fine then,"I signed as we both had exited. ______________________________________AEA Ship/Duel Arena_____________________________________ As we had entered, I was amazed by how big it was, it was far bigger than the Duel Arena in the Application Center. Also, the coloring, since this one is more colorful and has a disco ball at the top. As I had sat down, an computer screen in front of everyone had activated. "Students of AEA,"The Machine spoke as it continued,"You all want to Duel." "YEAH !!!"the Crowd shouted. "I am an Advanced Dueling Machine,"The Machine explained,"I am known as ADC5, I am also a dueling randomiser," "When can we duel each other,"a Person shouted. "Once you [i]stop[/i] shouting,"ADC5 replied as everyone was silent, it then showed names of everyone in the room and mixed the names around as it had randomly picked 2 random names,"They are.........Pete Ivor vs....." "Yes,"I wispeared as ADC5 then randomly picked the next person. "Vs Tom Ivor !!!"ADC5 finaly chose as I was shocked. "Wait a minute,"I replied as I walked onto the dueling part."So im dueling my Brother ?" "Looks like that,"Tom answered as he had turned on his duel disk that is red,"You should know, that im a Rank 4 Duelist, I will easily thrash you." "Ok then, who shall go first ?"I questioned. "Since I had picked Pete Ivor first, he gets the first turn,"ADC5 explained as the Life Points had appeared on the Machine both at 4000. "I Summon One Shielded Defender in Def Position (800/1400), next I activate his effect I can send 1 card from your hand to the top of my deck."I explained as I did it."Next I actiate Mystery Jar, you see I pay 500 Life Points to draw 2 cards an Special Summon a Monster I drew in Face Down Def Position (Pete 3500 Life Points),"I smiled as I had looked at the 2 cards, I was struggling to think what one to place. [img]http://img819.imageshack.us/img819/7492/137606s.jpg[/img] [img]http://img638.imageshack.us/img638/9834/137606.jpg[/img] "Come on make up your mind !"Tom shouted as he then had though, [i]The card he had taken was Magma Emperor Volcan, truely an dangerous card, if he uses it against me, I could be defeated.[/i] [img]http://img715.imageshack.us/img715/9834/137606.jpg[/img] "Ok fine then,"I signed as I had set a Monster. "Is that all you've got ?"Tom questioned as he had drew,"Perfect, I set a card and Summon Magma Phoenix in Atk Mode (1800/0), now Magma Phoenix attack that Monster that you had Set now." [img]http://img163.imageshack.us/img163/9834/137606.jpg[/img] "My monster was Small Orc (500/500) and he cannot be destroyed by battle,"I smiled as then Tom had also smiled. [img]http://img801.imageshack.us/img801/9834/137606.jpg[/img] "Now it's the second Main Phase I activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Lightning_Vortex"]Lightning Vortex[/url], now I discard 1 card from my hand to destroy all Face Up monsters you control,"Tom laughed as my 2 monsters were hit by a bolt of Lightning,"You're move." "Looks like Tom is winning as predicted,"Matthew had admitted to himself. TO BE CONTINUED [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted September 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 Chapter 3 is up, sorry for the waiting. [spoiler=Chapter 3 An Duel On The Ship Part Two] [spoiler=Field Overview] Pete Ivor vs Tom Ivor Pete has 3500 Life Points Tom has 4000 Life Points -Magma Phoenix in Atk Position (1800/0) -1 Face Down [/spoiler] "Don't you get it,"Tom started to explain,"I know your every move, your like an open book." "Maybes, but I won't give up,"I insisted as I had drew, an frown appeared on my face as I had did, my hand was pure rubish,"Attacking won't do, I guess I'll have to defend, I summon Fireheart Golem in Def Mode (1500/1200), he gains 300 Def for every Pyro Type monster on the Field, (1500/1800)." [img]http://img828.imageshack.us/img828/9834/137606.jpg[/img] "No matter how high the defense is, it will be knocked down,"Tom replied,"I've never lost a duel and I predict your defeat." "You do realize that my Fireheart Golem has just as much Def as your Magma Phoenix has in Atk,"I reminded Tom as he ignored. "I summon Magma Magican in Atk Mode (1200/0), this monster is one of my favourites, I can pay 500 Life Points to make your Fireheart Golem lose 1000 Atk and Def (500/800)(Tom 3500 Life Points), now Magma Magican attack"Tom explained as the Magican had shot a fireball destroying Fireheart Golem,"Now Magma Phoenix, direct attack !!!" [img]http://img838.imageshack.us/img838/922/137606q.jpg[/img] "AHHH !!!"I shouted in fear as the Phoenix had knocked me with it's fire breath (Pete 1700 Life Points). "Give up,"Tom demanded,"I have 2 powerful monsters that will crush your Life Points," "That's it,"I remembered,"I will have to risk most of my Life Points, if it's the only hope of me winning." "No chance,"a Guy shouted in the crowd. "Never cared,"I replied as I had drew,"I pay 500 Life Points to Special Summon Magma Emperor Volcan in Atk Mode (2300/0)(Pete 1200 Life Points), next I pay 1000 Life Points to activate Volcan's epic effect, I can destroy all monsters on your side of the Field (Pete 200 Life Points)," [img]http://img831.imageshack.us/img831/9834/137606.jpg[/img] "I activate my Face Down,"Tom exclaimed with comfidence, as he had revealed his Face Down,"Magma Mirage, it's an handy card, but it's different to the other Mirages, I have to pay 500 Life Points to activate it (Tom 3000 Life Points) and during the end of your turn my monsters are Special Summoned." "Way !!!"the same Guy in the audience shrieked as I had ignored him, I had simply had a chance of actualy winning. [img]http://img828.imageshack.us/img828/3179/137606r.jpg[/img] "Ok, but your still open, for an direct attack,"I said as the Magma Emperor launched an fire blade at Tom (Tom 700 Life Points),"I set a Face Down and end," "Now for the turn that will win me this duel,"Tom staggered as he had gotten up, I was shocked at what I had said to me. [i]Tom doesn't notice, that I know hes going to tribute them and when he does my Face Down will make me win the duel[/i], I had though glancing around. "First I will tribute my Magma Phoenix and Magma Magican to Summon Magma Golem,"Tom smiled as the crowd had clapped as the two monsters melted and a giant golem formed it's place (3000/0). [img]http://img828.imageshack.us/img828/6451/137606f.jpg[/img] [i]Come on[/i], I had thought. "Magma Golem attack Magma Emperor Volcan,"Tom ordered as his Golem had picked up a lava ball and threw it towards Volcan. "I activate Dark Chains, tangling your monsters and lowering his attack,"I chained as the Dark Chain had broke the time it had attached Magma Golem,"WHAT !!!!" [img]http://img828.imageshack.us/img828/1493/137606p.jpg[/img] "Traps don't work on Magma Golem,"Tom had said in an insulting way as Volcan was destroyed (Pete 0 Life Points). "I lost,"I wined as I had jumped onto the floor. "Since Tom had won, he gets an win on his dueling record....That's the 5th one this day,"The Machine known as ADC5 informed them,"And Pete Ivor gets an loss on his Duel Record." "Duel what ?"I questioned as I had flinged Magma Emperor Golem towards Tom as he had caught it. "The mobile phone they gave you, it has a duel record in it,"Tom replied as he was going to leave, as he had flicked his red hair,"It's so advanced it does it automaticly, you wouldn't understand," "You did the best you could ever do,"Matthew congradualted me as he approached me,"Even though you were oblivarated," "Thanks, I think,"I replied with caution as I then contiuned,"I could of won, but because [i]that[/i] golem is uneffected by Traps, I couldn't weaken it." "Im going,"Matthew suddenly decided as he had left the Duel Arena. _____________________________________AEA Ship/Room 608____________________________________________________ As I had walked in my room, I had sat on the bed doing nothing, staring up. I was depressed about my defeat and wondering if I will ever get better. I had then decided to look through my deck, maybe find new strategies that might make me become a better duelist. Tommorrow, we would reach Advanced England Academy on the mystery island and start our adventure, of doing school work. TO BE CONTINUED [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted September 19, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 19, 2010 Chapter 4 is up, it's mainly an introduction to the Advanced England Academy. [spoiler=Chapter 4 Academy Introduction] 4th January, 3000 At last, when I had woken up this morning, the ship had stopped at Advanced England Academy. I am seriously excited, my dueling career has just begun. ______________________________Advanced England Academy/Docks_________________________________ As I had walked out the gigantic ship, I had entered onto the island that was on an unknown location. It was loud, as I had noticed tones of duelists out, but one of them was mu brother nor friends. I recalled I was told to go towards to main building, all I had seen over the forest was one building, it must have been that one. As I had reached the forest, it was blocked by two Duelists, one short with blue hair and glasses, while the other was huge with black hair and big musles. "He-he-he, so your the guy that had almost managed to beat Tom Ivor,"laughed the short boy in his sqeaky voice,"Im called Bugsy, well that's not my real name, my real name is George." "Im his apprentice,"explained the big guy in a deep voice,"Apparenty, im his partner in the Tag Team Duel, next week," "Kaine, you have just spoiled it,"George attempted to shouted but failed. "Did I ?"Kaine questioned as I had ignored them, since they were focusing on each other, I had managed to contiune my way towards the main building. __________________________________Advanced England Academy/Main Building/Hall_____________________________ "Welcome,"greeted a Man, who had brown short hair, he was wearing the black suit staff uniform."As you know, this is Advanced England Academy, where you will be spending your 4 years here, learning the history and strategies of the famous childrens card game im forced to call, Duel Monsters," "Boo !"shouted someone. "You better shut up or you'll be suspended !"the Man shouted as he had calmed down and contiuned,"Im the Duputy, names Crone," "Yay !"shouted everybody. "Anyway, you might know about the Tag Team Duel prepared next week,"Crone started to explain as he had suddenly had an evil grin,"This duel will be an exam, known as the Survival Exam, because if you do terrible against your hired opponant's, you will be expelled." "WHAT !!!"several People shouted. "I had said that if you did terrible, if you had done good skills you would pass,"Crone replied as several other staff members had handed out pieces of papper while calling out names."Only those ranked 3 or lower must take the exam, while those ranked 4 are safe, goodye for now." As Chrone had left, one of the staff members had flinged a piece of papper towards me, I had caught it and glared at it. As I had, George and Kaine had emerged from behind and had poked me, I had immediatly glanced behind me to be shocked. "He-he-he, so who do you have as a partner ?"George grinned to his disciple as they both had collected their piece of papper. "Someone called, Rai Konge,"I had read the papper as I had suddenly stared at them,"How did you know about the Tag Team Duel ?" "Shh-"Kaine wispeared as he had skimmed around, he had nodded to George. "Those ranked 4 had gained the news, the rumor had spilled,"George had also wispeared,"And about the fact that me and Kaine are partners, im a computer hacker." "You know, your partner has left the main building now, so want to follow perhaps,"Kaine added as he had looked back to see a couple of Duelists leaving,"You're lucky hes a rank 3 Duelist, because then you will be crushed during the Survival Exam," "Im by far going,"I replied as I had quickly rushed away. ________________________________Advanced England Academy/Yard___________________________________________ 2 Duelist were facing each other, with both smug looks. One was slightly taller than George, with green hair, brown eyes and wearing a plain white suit. The other Duelist was tall, wearing chain bands, black hair, blue eyes. "Hmp, so your my first victim,"the tall Duelist pointed at the small Duelist. "So, how about a duel,"the other boy suggested. "You're on,"the tall duelist accepted,"Names Rouge Faine, im a rank 1 duelist." "How pathetic, for an guy attempting to bully,"the other boy smiled as I had came running throught. "WHAT'S YOUR NAME !!!"Rouge shouted at the other boy, as silence arose. "Rai Konge, rank 3 Duelist, I have collected an Beast Deck,"the other boy replied calmly as Rouge had put up an fearful face. "Hey, im Pete Ivor,"I had said,"Im your partner in the Survival Exam," "Whatever, lets just duel,"Rouge exclaimed as he had flipped a coin to determine who gets to decide who goes first,"So what side do you pick ?" "Heads,"Rai had decided as Rouge had caught it and covered it with his hand. "It's tails,"Rouge had revealed,"So I guess, I go first," "Fine,"Rai had replied,"But I'll still cream you," "I set a Monster and Set a Face Down,"Rouge had quickly started,"End," "I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Mother_Grizzly"]Mother Grizzly[/url] in Atk Mode (1400/1000),"Rai had started as an giant bear had emerged from a pond nearby,"How Mother Grizzly attack Rai's monster," "Didn't you see my Face Down,"Rouge had revealed the card, Magical Cylinder (Rai 2600 Life Points). "How unlucky of me,"Rai signed. "It's about to get worse, I flip up [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Man-Eater_Bug"]Man Eater Bug[/url] (450/600), destroying your Mother Grizzly, next I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Battle_Ox"]Battle Ox[/url] in Atk Mode (1700/1400),"Rouge had said as he had pointed at Rai,"This leaves you wide open for an direct attack, now my two monsters wipe out most of his Life Points (Rai 450 Life Points)," "Arghh,"Rai shrieked as he had landed on the ground. "He-he-he, looks like your partner is getting beaten up by weak monsters,"George had appeared behind me as he was talking to me. "Wheres Kaine ?"I had questioned to George. "Dunno," "Are you a stalker ?"I had continued to question. "No, how about an competition,"George had suddenly suggested,"How about a test to see how good you and Rai are, you will duel Kaine tommorrow and I duel Rai the day after that," "Fine, if you go away,"I had contiuned to offer as George nodded as he had dissappeared. "So, will you get up ?"Rouge had wondered. "Yes, lets contiune I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Nimble_Momonga"]Nimble Momonga[/url] in Def Mode (1000/100),"Rai concluded as he had finished. "Man Eater Bug devore Nimble Momonga now,"Rouge had ordered as two set monsters had appeared,"What happened and your Life Points have grown (Rai 1450 Life Points)," "You see when Nimble is destroyed I can Special Summon two others in Face Down Def Mode and my Life Points increase,"Rai had explained as he had placed another monster onto the field,"When a monster is destroyed I can Special Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Green_Baboon,_Defender_of_the_Forest"]Green Baboon, Defender of the Forest[/url] in Atk Mode (2600/1800)(Rai 450 Life Points) but of a cost of 1000 Life Points," "Im doomed, since I can't switch my Man Eater Bug to Def Mode, but I'll switch Battle Ox to Def Mode (1700/1000),"Rouge yelped in fear."I end," "It's almost over, I activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Wild_Nature%27s_Release"]Wild Nature's Release[/url], boosting my Green Baboon's Atk by his Def (4400/1800), now Green Baboon attack Man Eater Bug,"Rai had commanded as Green Baboon easily punched the bug to pieces (Rouge 50 Life Points)," "I surrender,"Rouge cried as he had ran away, not noticing the Baboon explode. "Wow impressive duel,"I had complimented."Im Pete Ivor, im your partner for the Tag Team Duel," "Thanks, lets go,"Rai had replied. "He-he-he,"George had once again emerged as he had ambushed us, I had ignored him and had started to leave,"Hey, come back," "Are you stalking us ?"I had repeated as George suddenly got angry, his face was burning red and he had then took his glasses off. "I AM NOT A STALKER YOU TOOL !!!"George had sucessfuly shouted but coughed afterwards,"Eh-" "Why are you following us ?"Rai had quickly interrupted turning to the shorter boy. George had contiuned coughing until he had straightened up,"[i]Your[/i] partner had agreed, for an duel," "Duel with who ?"Rai had questioned as I had remained silent. "Nothing major, your partner duels my partner tommorrow and the next day you with me,"George had replied as Rai had became shocked as his mouth formed an O shape and his eyes grew bigger, George had ignored it and had contiuned,"It's to see what team is better and more superior for the Survival Exam, oh me and Kaine are going to bash our hired opponant's," "Rai, Rai, RAI !!!"I had suddenly snapped out of silence and had called to Rai. "He-he-he,"George had laughed as he had left. "You didn't realize the opponant's you were facing,"Rai had replied,"George is an skilled duelist, he had made top marks in the Entrence Exam, he had won a duel against the Duel Tester with his 4000 Life Points staying there," "Then why isn't he in Rank 4 then ?"I had questioned Rai with a serious grin. "The teachers know is reputation, they had high expectations for him, unlike the others,"Rai had explained as he then contiuned,"Mind if I tell you his dueling history, he had started collecting duel monster cards when he was 10, he had constructed several decks along with a deck filled with random cards. He had once entered a tournement when he was 13, who had about 32 duelists entering, he had made it to the Top 8, before losing to a duelist who had won the Finals." "So, theres little hope of you winning,"I had guessed. "Practicly, but doesn't mean your challenge isn't a walk in the park,"Rai had admitted as he was leaving,"Well are you going to your dorms ?" _____________________________________Advanced England Academy/Rank 1 Dormitry Area/Outside_______________________ As I had entered walked out a forest, I had gased around to see tones of rectangular, whitewashed dorms. I had noticed a Teacher I had recognise during the Entrence Exam. He was called Josh. "Hey,"Josh had welcomed, being slightly angry,"You're late, but I have to forgive you if you apologise since it's your first day," "Sorry,"I had replied,"I was distracted by a duel," "Well, most students who live in my dorm are like that,"Josh had forgiven as he had changed the subject,"Anyway, you wouldn't of known this academy has uniforms," "They hadn't tolded me in the letters,"I had said, I was slightly confused. "I know, it's quite pathetic, but without that then people could track us,"Josh had explained also confused,"It's really confusing, I understand that, every rank has a T-Shirt color simular to the dorms that you live in during your time at the academy, so you would be wearing white t-shirt, black trousers, oh but the rest is optional," "Is there anything else ?"I had wondered. "Don't be late to lessons, since you will get detention, no disrupting lessons, no smoking, no swearing exetra,"Josh had replied as a though appeared on his mind,"Just so you don't get confused, you have breakfast and supper in the dorm your assigned to, mine obviously, while you have lunch and dinner at the main building cafeteria," "How come I can't see the dorm from a distance ?" "The trees are far to high, you must have been unobservent, since there is signs around the forest area to lead you through the island to the dorms,"Josh had informed me as he had turned around and pointed at the dorm closest to the entrence."This is your dorm group, each Ranked Dorm has a rank and an animal, so we are the Ranked 1 Toads, I seriously feel insulted by that you should know," _____________________________Advanced England Academy/Ranked 1 Toads Dorm/Cafeteria___________________________ Josh had entered me into an reasonable sized room, in the middle was four rusty brown wooden tables, with two half broken brown chairs on each. There was clean stairs on the left from the entrence and a polished table with adjustable comfy black chair next to it. There was an vandalised solid brown door behind the tables and chairs, whille a nice door stood up the stairs. On each seat, except the black chair and the one near to the vandalised door there were people siiting on them. "Attention, you have all arrived im Josh, but you can call me teach or proffessor Jakeup,"Josh had greeted everyone as he had sat on the black chair with a smile, he had then pointed at the current unoccupied chair nearest to the vandilised door. Indicating that was the chair I should sit on during the times we are in the cafeteria."A little problem, I know you have had your breakfast and you should have your lunch at the main building, but the 2nd,3rd and 4th year students haven't arrived back from their holidays, since they come back a day later, so we will have lunch here." "YAY !!!"shouted the Students, except me. "I hope you like fish,"Josh had clicked his fingers as an lunch lady had emerged from the entrence, with a trolley, it was full of repulsive dead fish. "Hope you like them,"She had said placing dirty plates with fish ontop on the table, she had quickly left. Every Student had stopped, the milisecond they had saw the fish. Josh, had insted opened a shelf from under his table and had placed an bigger, yet more acuratly cooked fish on the table. "Ahh,"Josh had calmly said cutting the fish,"Samon is nice," "How unfair,"someone had wispeared as Josh had walked upstairs holding his plate, into the next room. I had looked around at the chatter, so I had then looked at the person on my table. "Im Pete Ivor, who are you ?"I had asked invitingly. "Names Johnathan Dal,"he had replied,"You know, some people have beem talking about you," "How come ?" "Well, the day you had just past the entrence exam several people had commented on how weak you were,"Johnathan had started as he had placed is fist under his chin,"Also, when you had lost to your brother, people had began to find you not bad." [i]Oh great, the first day and it's not working well, from me having no respect and me having an unpleasent dorm[/i], I had though has I had lowered my head. ____________________________Advanced England Academy/Ranked 1 Toads Dorm/Bedroom_________________________ Four Hours later, Josh had led the eight of us into a room, the door we had come from was the only door in the room with no windows. The other three walls had one window on each, while bunkbeds were close to the wall. In the middles, was a mediam sized table surrounded by four boxes, indicating an area to duel, it wasn't interesting but was good to do during nights. The walls were painted white, but the floor was unpainted and was quite dirty. "Ok, this is where you will be sleeping,"Josh had explained as he had then pointed up,"I am sleeping upstairs, so don't annoy me, on each bunkbed there is two shelves, one for your items you have brang and the other the the other person you are sharing the bed with, I have said that because in the past some people have kept two shelves to themself," END OF CHAPTER [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted September 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 26, 2010 Now for chapter 5, along with some weak cards and some new strategies. And the first Fusion Summon in this Fan Fic, who will win ? [spoiler=Chapter 5 Shining in the Darkness Part 1] 5th January, 3000 Not much had happened, yesturday, I had still felt depressed about getting an truely terrible room. __________________________Advanced England Academy/Ranked 3 ??? Dorm/Georges Room_________________________ The room was smaller than the ranked 1 room, yet not so crammed since it had only George sleeping there. George and Kaine had sat on both wooden chairs, they were facing each other, Kaine had fiddled with his pockets until he had lunged his deck out there and handed it to George. George was wearing an green shirt, along with black trousers and black shoes. Kaine was wearing a white shirt along with black trousers and black shoes. "He-he-he,"George had giggled under the excitment of the duel commencing later,"Ok Kaine, time for me to check your deck for any improvements," "Ok boss,"Kaine had replied in his deep voice, as George had flicked through the deck,"So, what do you think ?" [i]This deck is purely sh*t, my brain is dieing from all the normal monsters with under 500 Atk[/i],George had though, he had an stressed face. He had then stopped at the end, where he had then stopped at the end, where he had saw the strongest out of the monsters, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Barox"]Barox[/url]. [i]This deck is useless, not only does it have not any spells or traps, plus no effect monsters, he has a Fusion Monster that cannot be Fusion Summoned.[/i] "Um, boss,"Kaine had said, he had felt worried by Georges slight anger. "Your deck is ok,"George had lied as he had gotten off his chair and turned behind, George was facing a computer. The computer was on a desk, underneath, was 3 shelves, George had opened the shelf on the middle. He had then carried up a massive deck, it had hundreds of cards in it,"Now, I think it needs a lot of improvement, how about you use cards in this deck, I'll sort it out later," "Thanks boss,"Kaine had said nodding his head. "Since the fact you won't have much time in planning strategies, when I construct the deck for you, we will cheat,"George had grinned as he had once again turned to his computer and selected several devices,"Ok, I will now give you a computer chip, you will put it on your ear and I'll contact you from a distance," "Firstly, why would I cheat, that solution won't work, since you can't see the cards,"Kaine had argued. "Yes, but I'll also hack the Academy Computer System,"George had added,"It will make me both you and that Pete guys hand, so I can see the entire field and tell you your Opponant's face downs," "Cool,"Kaine had complimented. __________________________________Advanced England Academy/Ranked 1 Toads/Bedroom_____________________________________________ I had awoke from the bed nearest to the door, on the bottum bunk, as I had got up, the buy who was at the top had leaped down to the floor. He was large and had large musles, along with plain pyjamas. He had green eyes, his hair was black and was always shaped like he has bedhead. "WAKE UP !!!"shouted a voice, it had shouted like Josh,"BREAKFAST !!!" "Hello,"the Large Boy had said. "Yeah, hello Ken,"I had replied to the large boy as the eight of us had walked towards the door. _________________________________Advanced England Academy/Ranked 1 Toads/Cafeteria______________________________________________ "Ok, you will eat at the same place as you did last time,"Josh had explained from is desk as I had looked around the tables that had two plates on each. On each plate there was three slices of toast,"Once you all sit by your tables I shall explain the uniform," "Uniform ?"the Students had repeated. "Yes, I shall discuss the uniform to you,"Josh had started as the Students had sat on their seats,"As long as you are rank 1, you are forced to wear the rank 1 uniform, black trousers and white shirt as the only differences to the ranked 1," "Oh-,"the Students had moaned. "I had forgotten, everyone of you, since your in the Ranked 1 Toads Dorm, you will wear an additional tie,"Josh had remembered holding a bunch of ties, that have about a dozen of toads on them,"If you are caught not wearing any of the uniform, first you will get a warning, then head teachers office, then detention, then detention number two, then suspension, then an exam that if you fail your expelled, then your expelled," "Gosh,"someone had gasped. "Now enjoy your meal,"Josh had smiled happily as he had allowed the chatter. "So, when does lessons start ?"I had questioned to Johnathan. "About 3 hours,"Johnathan had guessed as he had munch on a toast. ___________________________________Advanced England Academy/Yard__________________________________________ One hour later, I had walked onto the yard wearing uniform, I was anxious to win a duel. The yard was full of students, running about trading cards, buying cards, playing Duel Monsters. Infact, most of the stuff they were doing was about Duel Monster, as I had noticed Rai approach me, he was wearing tbe same as me, except the tie and he was wearing an green shirt insted on white. "I have an idea to make your deck slightly better, how about you buy a booster pack of chorse,"Rai had suggested, indicating the small stall in the centre of the yard. "Sure,"I had agreed as we had ran towards the stall. The shopkeeper at the stall was a women in her 30's, she had an cap on, with an stripped purple and white shirt and black trousers. Her shoes were under her desk, she had blue eyes and blond hair. The stall had in the front, several booster packs from the year 2975, while at the back was even older booster packs and an structure deck. "Welcome to the one day card shop,"the Women had greeted,"Im Emily, anyway, what do you want to buy ?" "What does the back booster packs cost ?"I had asked. "They are all at a different range of prices, since they have extremly powerful cards there cost was rated, for one booster pack from £15-£50,"Emily had replied slightly smiling. "How expensive, for only 9 cards,"I had complained,"How much is the structure deck then ?" "£10," "Front booster packs," "For one, £2.50, for three £6," "Ok, I can afford one then,"I had smiled staring at them, there was an booster pack that had an blue faced Fiend with yellow arms, red wings and there was a booster pack that looked almost like my Fireheart Golem, but was bigger and shining brightly. "So, theres Fiendish Fury and Volcano Mayhem,"Emily had identitfied them. "Ok, Volcano Mayhem please,"I had replied handing the £2.50 to Emily. "Thanks, come again,"Emily had said placing the money in the cash register. As I was walking towards Rai, I had started to open the booster pack, I was thrilled by how useful most of the cards were, I was starting to sort the deck out. "I had gathered information, Kaine was sighted with George in the forest, between the Ranked 1 and 3 Dormitry area. ______________________________________________Advanced England Academy/Forest______________________________ Kaine was standing by himself waiting for his target, when I had jumped out the bushes closer to him. It was a normal Forest, with an pathway to the Ranked 3 behind Kaine and an pathway towards the Ranked 1 between us on the right. "So you have come,"Kaine grinned as he had flinged a coin in the air,"Whoever picks the right side of the coin, gets to select who goes first," "Tails,"I had accepted as the coin had landed in the centre, it was tails,"Finaly, I have managed to get the right side, I'll go first then," [i]He doesn't know that George was here, to give me the deck and the computer chip, he should of hack the Academy Computer System by now[/i], Kaine had though, he was slightly depressed yet he had accepted his fait to cheat. "Ok, I summon Small Orc in Def Mode (500/500),"I had started as an armed Orc, that was smoking had emerged from a crack in the ground,"I end," [img]http://img835.imageshack.us/img835/2599/137606d.jpg[/img] "That all, ha,"Kaine had laughed as he had drew his 6th card. "Lets see, Summon Mad Sword Beast and decide to Atk the Orc, trust me, it will work,"George had contacted Kaine with the device. "I Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Mad_Sword_Beast"]Mad Sword Beast[/url] in Atk Mode (1400/1200), now my monster will attack yours,"Kaine had ordered as his Dinosaur with a massive horn had charged towards the Small Orc. "Big mistake, my Small Orc cannot be destroyed by battle,"I had reminded Kaine. "Look again,"Kaine insisted as Mad Sword Beast had stabbed Small Orc and had the horn had went through, it had even stabbed me (Pete 3100 Life Points). "How,"I had staggered as my Small Orc had still stood up. "Mad Sword Beast inflicts piercing damage,"Kaine had replied smiling. "Fine I Summon Fireheart Golem in Atk Mode (1500/1200), he gains 300 Def by the way (1500/1500), now Fireheart Golem, burn that Dino,"I had explained as my Fireheart Golem had fired a fire bolder that crush Mad Sword Beast (Kaine 3900 Life Points). [img]http://img836.imageshack.us/img836/9834/137606.jpg[/img] "Whatever, I draw,"Kaine had ignored as he had skimmed his hand, he had then wispeared,"What do I do boss," "Fusion Summon, since I've given you the Fusion Material Monsters,"George had advised. "I activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Polymerization"]Polymerization[/url] fusing [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Ryu-Kishin"]Ryu-Kishin[/url] (1000/500) and [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Frenzied_Panda"]Frenzied Panda[/url] (1200/1000) to Fusion Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Barox"]Barox[/url] (1380/1580) in Atk Mode,"Kaine had smiled as an Blue and Yello Fiend had emerged from a portal,"Not just that I activate Black Pendant equipping to my Barox (1880/1580), now Barox attack Fireheart Golem (Pete 2720 Life Points)," "No way,"I had signed under one of my favourite monsters defeat. "Ha ha ha, my deck is far superior compared to your,"Kaine had laughed,"I end," "Wow, I had drew a card that I had gained from that booster pack,"I had anylized the cards as I had became more happiler,"I Summon TORPEDO DRAGON !!!" "T-torpedo dragon ?"Kaine had questioned in fear as he was in fright by all the buildings surrounding the Field. "Yes Torpedo Dragon,"I had repeated as an giant macanic dragon had emgered from a building onto the ground in Atk Mode (1400/0). [img]http://img836.imageshack.us/img836/4336/137606e.jpg[/img] "What an weak dragon for such an appearence,"Kaine had insulted. "He gets more stronger with more equip cards, witness what happens when I equip [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Ring_of_Magnetism"]Ring of Magnetism[/url] to him (900/0),"I had explained as an Ring had attached to the dragon. "So,"Kaine had said as Rai had emgered from behind an small holographic building. "That is so cool,"Rai had complimented. "Thanks, Kaine, never underestimate the Torpedo Dragon, you see I can destroy one of his equiped cards to destroy one of your spells and traps and I chose Black Pendant,"I had finaly explained as the ring was launched and destroyed the pendant. The pendant had reflected and had cut me (Pete 2220 Life Points). "WHAT !"Kaine had shouted as the Atk's of the monsters had changed. "Now Torpedo Dragon (1400/0) is stronger than Barox (1380/1580), now Torpedo, finish the Fiend with torpedo fire (Kaine 3880 Life Points),"I had smiled as the exposives had hit Kaine,"That's not all, I equip Metal Shield to my Dragon, so now he can't be destroyed by battle but he has to remain in Atk Mode, I end." [img]http://img801.imageshack.us/img801/2074/137606n.jpg[/img] "I Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Double_Coston"]Double Costen[/url] in Atk Mode (1700/1650), now Double Coston will gladly kill your Torpedo Dragon,"Kaine had ordered (Pete 1920 Life Points),"Ha ha, you've given it your all, but you don't have much cards strong enough, am I right," "True,"I had admitted lowering my head. "You are the worst,"Kaine had reminded me,"I shall end my turn," "I set two Face Downs and I will end,"I had signed. "That's all I tribute my mighty Double Coston to Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Shadow_Ghoul"]Shadow Ghoul[/url] in Atk Mode,"Kaine had exclaimed as an hude monster had emgered from the shadow, it has tones of red eyes (1600/1300)," "No way !"Rai had shouted,"This is an extremly powerful monster if the controler of this card has tones of cards in their Graveyard. "Exactly, since I have about 5 Monsters in mine (2100/1300), that's now all I activate Card Destruction, we all send our hands to the Graveyard,"Kaine had continued to laugh as his monster had grew (2300/1300),"Oh, looks like I had sent to monsters, next I activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Cold_Wave"]Cold Wave[/url] making your Spells and Traps useless for a hole turn, now Shadow Ghoul attack Torpedo Dragon (Pete 1020 Life Points)," "No way, theres little chance of me winning now,"I had signed as Kaine had contiuned to laugh. "Ha, admit it, winning is slim,"Kaine had laughed as he had placed a Face Down. "Is attitde has changed since yesturday,"Rai had remembered,"Maybe George had powered his deck up, Pete, your doomed," "I am,"I had moaned as I had suddenly raised my head, I had felt anxious,"But im not giving up," "The more you resist, the more you lower to defeat,"Kaine had replied as he had stopped laughing,"It's your turn," TO BE CONTIUNED [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted October 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2010 Chapter 5 is up one day early. [spoiler=Chapter 6 Shining in the Darkness Part 2] ________________________________Advanced England Academy/Ranked 3 ??? Dorm/Georges Room_____________________________ "He-he-he, looks like your winning Kaine,"George had continued to chuckle as he had stared at the face down and the hand,"Looks like you will win if you use your spell on your next turn," "George !"shouted a voice that was slamming on the door,"What are you doing ?" "Heh, nothing,"George had gasped turning around as the boy on the other room had opened the door comming in. "So, you've cheated again,"the slightly taller Boy had glared at the computer, the boy was Daniel. "Eh,"George had gulped as he had kneeled down. "Seriously, just stop contacting you only friend,"Daniel had replied. "You don't understand, Kaine's deck was seriously weak, I had to improve it,"George had begged handing Kaine's orginal deck to Daniel. "True, there is so much [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Mokey_Mokey"]Mokey Mokeys[/url],"Daniel had replied skimming through the deck, he was annoyed by the three Mokey Mokey. "I know, but how did he even pass,"Daniel had angryily scowled when he had finished. "I have no idea,"George had forgotten as he had gotten up,"Fine, I'll stop cheating for Kaine's victory," _______________________________Advanced England Academy/Forest_____________________________ [spoiler=Field Overview] Pete Ivor vs Kaine Pete has 1020 Life Points -Small Orc in Def Mode (500/500) -Torpedo Dragon equiped with Metal Shield in Atk Mode (1400/0) -2 Face Downs Kaine has 3880 Life Points -Shadow Ghoul in Atk Mode (2300/1300)(7 Monsters in Graveyard) -Cold Wave -1 Face Down [/spoiler] "Well, it's your turn,"Kaine had pointed out,"Remember Cold Waves effect prevents you for setting or activating a Spell or Trap card, until it's my turn," "Yes, yes,"I had replied,"Ok I summon Angel Of Pure Light in Def Mode (0/0) ," "How weak,"Kaine had insulted,"Remember defending yourself won't work because of your Metal Shield," "Yes but my Angel negates all effect monsters effects,"I had explained as the light from the angel had blinded the Shadow Ghoul (1600/1300). [img]http://img832.imageshack.us/img832/9834/137606.jpg[/img] "NOOO !!!"Kaine had shouted to his Ghoul as it had squirmed in the light,"Doesn't matter, since you haven't ever summoned a monster strong enough to win," "I have a few spells and traps that could come to my victory,"I had sort of grinned."I end," "This duel will end now,"Kaine had stated as he had drew,"Perfect I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Ryu-Kishin_Powered"]Ruy-Kishin Powered[/url] in Atk Mode (1600/1200) to support my field, next I activate my Face Down [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Stop_Defense"]Stop Def[/url] switching your Angel Of Pure Light to Atk Mode (0/0)," "No way,"I had gasped waiting for Kaine to reply. "Hey,"Daniel had suddenly entered walking towards them, George had later followed. "G-George,"Kaine had exclaimed. "Yes, I can't help you anymore, you can do it, win this duel,"George had nodded as a slight frown was on his face. "Oh, ok, Shadow Ghoul, attack Angel Of Pure Light,"Kaine had understood as his Shadow Ghoul had leaped out the light and rushed towards the Angel. "Sorry, but I want to win,"I had proclaimed activating my Face Down that had appeared to be Dark Chains tangling Shadow Ghoul (600/1300). [img]http://img837.imageshack.us/img837/9834/137606.jpg[/img] "Fine, Ryu-Kishin Powered attack Angel Of Pure Light,"Kaine had repeated as his red armored clawed fiend had charged towards the angel. "I activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Negate_Attack"]Negate Attack[/url],"I had revealed as Ryu-Kishin Powered was blocked by the barrier that had emgered in front of the angel."Not only does Negate Attack, negates the attack but it ends the battle phase, however, since the fact your monsters have already attacked then it doesn't make a difference," "I end,"Kaine had scowled,"Next turn I will end this," "I activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Monster_Reborn"]Monster Reborn[/url] reborning Fireheart Golem in Atk Mode (1500/1200) including his boost in def (1500/1500), I will switch my Angel Of Pure Light to Def Mode (0/0),"I had smiled looking at the four dominate the field,"I will next equp Metal Wings to my Torpedo Dragon (2200/0)," [img]http://img690.imageshack.us/img690/9834/137606.jpg[/img] [img]http://img834.imageshack.us/img834/2599/137606d.jpg[/img] "Not bad,"George for once complimented,"But Kaine will win," "Pete may lose, but I will win against you tommorrow,"Rai had replied to him. "Shut up you two,"Daniel had attempted to pay attention. "Now Fireheart Golem will attack Shadow Ghoul (Kaine 2980 Life Points), next Torpedo Dragon will attack Ryu-Kishin Powered (Kaine 2380 Life Points),"I had ordered as my monstered had caused an masive explosion,"I end," "I can't believe it, in just one turn you've taken down all monsters I had summoned against you,"Kaine had gasped as he had drew. "That Angel will stop Kaine from unleasing Shadow Ghoul to it's bigger power,"George had remembered. "I activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Premature_Burial"]Premature Burial[/url] paying 800 Life Points to Special Summon Shadow Ghoul back (1600/1300)(Kaine 1580 Life Points), next I tribute Shadow Ghoul for [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Beast_of_Talwar"]Beast of Talwar[/url] in Atk Mode (2400/2150),"Kaine had smiled as an Fiend had emerged weilding two blades,"Next I activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Heavy_Storm"]Heavy Storm[/url], destroying all Spells and Traps on the Field," "When Metal Shield is destroyed I can inflict 1000 points of damage to you,"I had warned (Kaine 580 Life Points). "So what, now Torpedo Dragon is weakened (1400/0), now Beast of Talwar, attack Torpedo Dragon,"Kaine had commanded as his monster had slashed Torpedo Dragon (Pete 20 Life Points). "Most of my energy is gone,"I had staggered as I had fell onto the ground. "I end,"Kaine had finished. "I set a Face Down and switch Fireheart Golem to Def Mode (1500/1500),"I had shielded myself as I had breathed in and out,"I end," "1 down 3 to go,"Kaine had smiled,"Beast of Talwar attack Fireheart Golem," "Didn't you realize my face down Sakaretsu Armor destroying Beast of Talwar,"I had revealed as the powerful monster had exploded. "Im finished, even after that cheating."Kaine had admitted,"I end," "Now I switch my three monsters to Atk Mode,"I had smiled as Fireheart Golem (1500/1500), Small Orc (500/500) and Angel Of Pure Light (0/0) had gotten up. "What are you doing !"Kaine had shouted fustraited. "Nobody cheats against me and gets away with it, now Angel Of Pure Light direct attack,"I had orded as the Angel had threw a tiny ball of light that had done nothing (Kaine 580 Life Points),"Next Small Orc will attack you directly,"I had contiuned as the Orc had charged and sliced Kaine (Kaine 80 Life Points),"Finaly Fireheart Golem, direct attack,"I had finished as Fireheart Golem had threw a lava ball at Kaine (Kaine 0 Life Points). "I was so close,"Kaine had frowned as he had lied on the floor. "You may have won this time, but Rai will pay for Pete's victory,"George had began to laugh while slowly dragging Kaine away, but falling over from time to time. "Good work,"Rai had complimented as my mobile had beeped. "What's that ?"I had questioned looking at my mobile. "Everytime you win, lose or draw against another student it's gets recorded in your mobile, you can go to Dueling Records to look at it,"Daniel had explained walking away,"Im going," END OF CHAPTER [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Kip~ Posted October 8, 2010 Report Share Posted October 8, 2010 I was browsing around your profile and noticed this. How dare you start a fic without telling me! ~jk~jk~ XD lol. You know what's next: Name: Leonard Hikaru Age: 17 Gender: M Biography: Leonard was born an orphan with no parents. Millenium Pegasus, one of the future generations of Maximillion Pegasus, took him in. Leonard had always ad a fondness for tigers, and liked to draw them. One day, Millenium found about 36 drawings in Leonard's room, and decided to turn them into cards. This is his current deck, along with some Ojama cards, which he calls, Tiger's Rage. With this deck, he had entered the academy, and has been there for about two years. Whenever he can, he tries to cheer up Pete, which only works for a short time. Rank: 5 Appearance: Leonard is a brown haired pale faced boy. He usually wears a red shirt and blue jeans. He also has brown eyes and wears black shoes and white socks. I will pm you my deck (at least part of it) @Twig: not to start an argument, but don't books usually have the plot written on their back cover? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted October 8, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2010 Sorry I haven't told you, accepted anyway, as from my previous fan fics I will post the next chapter during the weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted October 9, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2010 Time for chapter 7. [spoiler=Chapter 7 Spider Hidden in the Web Part 1] 6th January, 3000 _________________Advanced England Academy/Ranked 3 ??? Dorm/George's Room_____________________________ George was sitting on his adjustable chair while glaring at the computer screen. The door had thumped three times, as the visitor Kaine had entered in curious as always. "So boss, what are you doing ?"Kaine had wondered in his deep voice. "Researching, as you know my opponant I had promised to duel is Rai Konge, I have witnessed that he uses an Beast Type deck, therefore, giving me an advantage,"George had explained as he had moved his adjustable chair and had faced Kaine. "How ?"Kaine had asked confused. "Because, I have checked several cards and I have concluded a weakness to them,"George had replied as he had placed his hands on his head,"Just a few hours until I shall face him and prove him my skills," "Yeah, but didn't on the first day you had told him your deck,"Kaine had added. "That didn't occur to me,"George had suddenly remembered,"Nevermind," __________________________________Advanced England Academy/Ranked 1 Toads/Bedroom____________________ On the bunk opposite to the side, Johnathan normaly sleeps on the bottum bunk. While on the top bunk was an boy who had white pale skin, highly spicky black hair, black jeans and as usual the white Ranked 1 shirt. He was named Crooks. Me, Johnathan, Ken and Crooks were sitting around the table on the centre of the room on boxes. "Where are the others ?"I had questioned as we Crooks had placed his head on his hand leaning on the table bored. "Possible on the yards playing Duel Monsters,"Johnathan had guessed as he had shrugged. "This is boring,"Crooks had admitted standing up, he had walked towards his bunk,"I would rather just go to sleep and wait for lessons to start," "How about we discuss our wins,"Johnathan had suggested. "Boring,"Crooks had yawned from the top bunk as he had drifted to sleep. "Plus, I haven't dueled yet, nevermind won any,"Ken had added as he had stood up and walked to the window, staring for something interesting. "Fine, then im going,"Johnathan had replied walking out the door as quickly as he could. ___________________Advanced England Academy/Yard______________________________________ George and Rai were standing 5 metres from each other, the yard was silent as a crowd of people had swarmed around them staring at them. "He-he-"George had giggled as he was fiddling with his fingers. "SHUT UP !"Rai had shouted as he had activated his duel disks. "Fine, lets duel,"George had calmly said activating his duel disk,"You can go first," "I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Mother_Grizzly"]Mother Grizzly[/url] in Atk Mode (1300/1000), I end,"Rai had started as an water bear had emerged on his Field. "I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Neo_Bug"]Neo Bug[/url] in Atk Mode (1800/1700), now Neo Bug attack,"George declared as the swarm of bugs had oblivarated the water bear (Rai 3500 Life Points),"Next I will activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Spider_Web"]Spider Web[/url] to raise the stakes," "When Mother Grizzly is destroyed by battle I can Special Summon an Water Monster with 1500 Atk or less and im chosing another Mother Grizzly,"Rai had explained as anoter water bear had emerged to the field, he was still sweating nervously. "I end, so what monster are you going to put in danger now,"George had taunted Rai as he had grinned. "I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Berserk_Gorilla"]Berserk Gorilla[/url] in Atk Mode (2000/1000),"Rai had said as several people in the crowd were laughing,"Why are you laughing ?" "Simple, as you know Berserk Gorilla is an powerful lvl 4 monster with an weakness that if it's in defence mode it's destroyed,"George had explained,"Spider Web will make any monster that attacks switch to Def Mode at the damage step destroying your Berserk Gorilla," "What's going on ?"I had questioned passing through the crowd. "A duel obviously,"the boy next to me had replied. He was brown haired, with brown eyes wearing an red shirt and blue jeans, he was also wearing black jeans. "Hi, im Pete Ivor who are you,"I had questioned the boy. "Im Leonard Hikaru,"He had replied as we had shaken hands,"I've heard of you when I had returned here yesterday, several people had said that you had challenged an duelist far superior to you and you had lost, however, you had done not bad during the duel," "Yes,"I had remembered as I had saw both George and Rai dueling. "So anyway lets continue with wathing the duel,"Leonard had said as his face was drawn to Rai's comfidence,"I think Rai had summoned Beserk Gorilla on purpose," "Now to show you what I was planning, I activate [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Wild_Nature%27s_Release"]Wild Nature's Release[/url],"Rai had smiled as his Beserk Gorilla had grew and became even more beserk (3000/1000),"The side effect doesn't matter since my Beserk Gorilla is doomed anyway, so Beserk Gorilla attack Neo Bug,"Rai had ordered as Berserk Gorilla had easily pounded the bug (George 2800 Life Points), as a web had grabbed Beserk Gorilla causing him to explode. "Hmp, not bad,"George had complimented. "That's not all, next Mother Grizzly will attack you directly,"Rai had ordered as the water bear had punched George (George 1500 Life Points). "Don't forget the punishment,"George had smiled as the web had hit Mother Grizzly switching her to Def Mode (1300/1000). "I end,"Rai had said, his comfidence had boosted from the first day,"Your reputation had overestimated you," "Eh,"George had realized as he had frowned as he drew,"I guess I will summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Basic_Insect"]Basic Insect[/url] in Def Mode (500/700), I'll set a Face Down and end," "Next I summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Chain_Dog"]Chain Dog[/url] in Atk Mode (1600/1100), now Chain Dog eliminate the weak bug,"Rai had said yawning as his dog had bitten the small bug, before being forced into Def Mode (1600/1000)."I end my turn," "Now I have you where I want you,"George had suddenly changed his comfidence as he drew,"Now since my Graveyard is full of Insects, I can send your 2 defending monsters to Special Summon [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Mother_Spider"]Mother Spider[/url] in Atk Mode (2300/1200), next I activate my Face Down [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Emergency_Provisions"]Emergancy Pervision[/url] destroying Spider Web to gain 1000 Life Points (George 2500 Life Points), now Mother Spider attack Rai directly (Rai 1700 Life Points)," "No way,"Rai had squirmed falling over. "I should of knew that George was just toying with Rai at the start,"Leonard had said. "Leonard, you haven't told me what Rank you are ?"I had questioned him. "I am currently an Rank 5 Duelist,"Leonard replied,"I've been here for two years and have been sucessful at my time here," "Soon your Life Points will be zero,"George had insisted to Rai,"Anyway it's your turn," TO BE CONTINUED [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Kip~ Posted October 12, 2010 Report Share Posted October 12, 2010 [spoiler=Leonard's Deck:] [spoiler=monsters] [spoiler=Saber-Tooth Tiger:] Saber-Tooth Tiger (EARTH) **** (Beast/Effect) When this card is added from your Deck to your hand, you can destroy 1 Monster Card on the field. When this card is summoned, you can add 1 Level 4 or lower "Tiger" Monster Card from your Deck to your hand, except "Saber-Tooth Tiger". ATK / 1700 DEF / 1600 [/spoiler] [spoiler=Cunning Tiger] Cunning Tiger (EARTH) *** (Beast/Effect) When this card is added to your Deck to your hand, you can destroy 1 Spell or Trap Card on the field. ATK/ 1000 DEF / 600 [/spoiler] [spoiler=Tiger Cub] Tiger Cub (EARTH) ** (Beast/Effect) You can tribute this face-up Attack Position Monster Card to add 1 "Tiger" Monster Card from your Deck to your hand. ATK / 500 DEF / 200 [/spoiler] [spoiler=The Father Tiger] The Father Tiger (EARTH) ******** (Beast/Effect) This card cannot be Special Summoned. When this face-up card destroys an opponent's monster by battle and sends it to the Graveyard, you can add 1 "Tiger" Monster Card from your Deck to your hand. ATK / 2700 DEF / 2100 [/spoiler] [spoiler=Yin-Yang Tiger] Yin-Yang Tiger (EARTH) **** (Beast/Effect) When this card is added from your Deck to your hand, you can Special Summon this card from your hand. ATK / 1500 DEF / 1500 [/spoiler] [spoiler=Other monsters] Ojama Yellow Ojama Green Ojama Black Sangan [/spoiler] [/spoiler] [spoiler=Spells] [spoiler=Tiger Fury] Tiger Fury Normal Spell Card Special Summon 1 "Tiger" Monster Card from your Graveyard. That card's attack is doubled, and it can attack all monsters your opponent controls. At the End Phase, destroy that card. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Pounce] Pounce Quick-play Spell Card Special Summon 1 Level 4 or lower "Tiger" Monster Card from your hand. It is returned to your hand during the End Phase. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Stalk] Stalk Normal Spell Card Add 1 Level 4 or lower "Tiger" Monster Card from your Deck to your hand. [/spoiler] [spoiler=Other Spells] Monster Reborn Lightning Vortex Mystical Space Typhoon Ojama Delta Hurricane!! [/spoiler] [/spoiler] [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted October 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 12, 2010 Great cards, I should have chapter 8 sometime in Friday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Kip~ Posted October 15, 2010 Report Share Posted October 15, 2010 Keepin' this thread alive for ya' and by the way, I remember one time you said you would make a Pokemon Fan Fic. What ever happened to that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted October 30, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2010 Oh yeah, I had completely forgotten about that, I'll make a Pokemon Fan Fic soon. I have decided to quit on continuing to make this Fan Fic, since I keep encountering internet problems when posting a chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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