dzx9000 Posted August 20, 2010 Report Share Posted August 20, 2010 chapter one:the power of the knight monster the story starts at the duel primary school a boy really focused on what the teachers where saying got hit by a paper ball he raised his hand but then the bully who threw the paper ball got his attention and threatened him so he lowered his hand but the teacher still asked him what he was going to say so he took corauge took a deep breath and said -"michelle threw a paper ball at me" (michelle is a boy with a weird name) -"i see" said the teacher ".............out of my class michelle" michelle tryed to argue but there was no point so he just evily smiled at chris and whispered to him "see you after class" chris took a deep gulp and started sweating alot then he thought "i'll duel him to see if he can beat me up or not andwith the card i found on the street there's no way i can lose......i think" at 5:30 the class ended and michelle said. "ready for your beating?" then chris replied "only if you can beat me in a duel" the michelle started laughing and said "i already beat you three times in a row and then kicked your ass afterwards you sure about that" the chris replied in a confident voice "never been more sure in my life" then michelle said in a evil voice "then....." then they both said at the same time "LET'S DUEL" michelle said "i'll begin with vorse raider your move" then chris said "then i DRAW" as chris saw the card he drew he though to him self "perfect" then chris said "ill begin with three ancient rules to summon three red eyes black dragon........i guess my hand is empty so i'll summon blue/white knight" (blue/white knight's description here \/) spoiler=circulation:Blue/white-edition set id:knigh-t-edi type:warrior description:this monster cannot be normal summoned or set this monster can only be special summoned by sacrificing 3 monsters from your field and removing from play 2 from your graveyard this cards original ATK and DEF points is equal the ATK and DEF of the three monsters sent to the graveyard minus the total ATK and DEF of the removed from play monsters when this card is summoned increase its ATK and DEF by 1000 for every monster removed from play then chris said "im guessing he has 4400 atk and def points since i sent three red eyes black dragon and removed two and since he gains 2000atk for every monster our of play.....so now atk blue/white knight...flying sword strike" michelle:1500 chris:4000 then he said lastly "i end my move" then michelle replied "its about time.....my turn DRAW.....hahaha just drew the perfect card..you see my father is kaiba so he payed pegasus to do something for him....create 3 more blue eyes white dragon so i use ancient rules to summon blue eyes white dragon and i'll equip him with 2 horn of the unicorn and one black pendant" then michelle said "now atk blue eyes white lightning attack" michelle:1500 chris:3500 and finnaly he said "your move loser" then chris said bravely "i hope you enjoyed your last move cause it shall be your last my move.....DRAW told you so" he replied to himself "i activate reckless greed of total doom.....this card lets me draw 5 cards from my deck but i have to discard 2 at the end of my move and skip my next drawing phase....so i draw again" then chris said "now i activate bwk support this lets me summon blue/white knight again and sice o summon him i need three sacrifices i activate the other ability of bwk support this lets me either put blue/white knights atl back to its last total if ive already summoned him or add him to my hand so i choose the atk repetance. then i summon the knight tuner knight of the night now i tne them to make red/black knight his atk and def are 3000 but by removing all cards from my grave out of play he gains 1000 atk and def so thats a total of an extra 5000 atk plus it original atk that equals 8000 atk and def now red black knight finish his blue eyes white dragon.........i win" when the duel was over michelle went home running and crying and once he got home he told kaiba(his dad)that he got beaten by a wimp and needs a better deck kaiba grounded him after that because he lost and duled in the first place as kaiba told him especificly not to show his cards until it was time on the other hand chris went home happy and on the way he found a big retangular thing wrapped in a old cloth he picked it up and saw what it was ans said "perfect day i won and i found the cards that complete theese knight cards i found" when he got home he was alone because his father was travelling so he coocked himself some noodles and eat and went to sleep". end of chapter one by:mammoth(danny_bozoII_12) in a couple of days ill put in the next chapter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John A. Zoidberg Posted August 20, 2010 Report Share Posted August 20, 2010 You need good grammar. Correct spelling, capitalize what needs to be capitalized, etc. It's not that heard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dzx9000 Posted August 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 20, 2010 i know its that i didnt have time to correct my spelling while i wrote yesterday sorry about that but anyway did you like it???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted August 20, 2010 Report Share Posted August 20, 2010 [quote name='mammoth' timestamp='1282298722' post='4545912'] i know its that i didnt have time to correct my spelling while i wrote yesterday sorry about that but anyway did you like it???? [/quote] If you "don't have time" to correct basics like that, then you evidently don't have time to write and shouldn't in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dzx9000 Posted August 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 20, 2010 WOW you're a nice guy glad i met you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted August 20, 2010 Report Share Posted August 20, 2010 [quote name='mammoth' timestamp='1282320690' post='4546509'] WOW you're a nice guy glad i met you [/quote] If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Not everyone will like your work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dzx9000 Posted August 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 20, 2010 im not saying i expect that in fact i never wanted anything with this exept the fun of writing and then you come along and say that because i dont have time to fix writing errors i shouldnt write and btw get out of my life just because i dont have time to do things here because i have real life problems and time ocupating things i dont have all the time of the world to do this kind of things Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The True Ace Attorney Posted August 20, 2010 Report Share Posted August 20, 2010 [quote name='mammoth' timestamp='1282332888' post='4547196'] im not saying i expect that in fact i never wanted anything with this exept the fun of writing and then you come along and say that because i dont have time to fix writing errors i shouldnt write and btw get out of my life just because i dont have time to do things here because i have real life problems and time ocupating things i dont have all the time of the world to do this kind of things [/quote] First of all. ZOMG! Biggest sentence ever. Secondly. If you're taking the time to write you must surely have time for proofreading. It's not that hard really Oh, and don't take part in your own public poll and tick the most positive box. You won't get the right feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dzx9000 Posted August 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 20, 2010 [quote name='GreatPriestCthulhu' timestamp='1282341975' post='4547719'] First of all. ZOMG! Biggest sentence ever. Secondly. If you're taking the time to write you must surely have time for proofreading. It's not that hard really Oh, and don't take part in your own public poll and tick the most positive box. You won't get the right feedback. [/quote] thx for your opinion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dzx9000 Posted August 22, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 22, 2010 here i gonna post part 2 enjoy THIS IS PART 2 OF MY SERIES OF FAN FIC ENJOY Yu-gi-oh 4m's chapter 2:the power of the dragon monster the second part of our big story begins at the street at the fry-ing king restaurant in there there is a girl called clair she's eating a cheeseburger then all of the sudden some weird guy comes in and says he wants to duel her and due to the duel city tournament rules if she declines,forfits or loses she has to hand over her rarest card but what they dont know is that she found a card thats even more rare then her funeral trap card so she accepts but first she finished her burger. At 14:30 they began the duel and the card hunter said “i'll begin..........DRAW.......ill begin with hannibal necromancer and a facedown.......your move.” then clair looked at her cards and said “DRAW.........i'll begin with my maiden of death and guess what she has 500 more ATK points then your monster(she has 1900)then i'll activate foolish burial and then monster reborn now come back maiden of power and protection (has 2500 ATK)...............now maiden of death attack hanniball necromancer black strike.........” clair:4000 card hunter:3500 then she continued “now maiden of power and protection finish off some of his lp” then the card hunter said evilly “sorry but I activate mirror force.....” then she replied quickly “sorry but my maiden of power and protection is'nt affected by trap cards and for every magic and trap cards activated by my opponent she gains 500 ATK and 200 DEF points”. Then the card hunter said impressed and scared at the same time. “WHAT” then clair said “yeah you heard me” clair:4000 card hunter:500 then she finished “your move” then the card hunter said “DRAW........Ha now I activate ancient rules this lets me summon from my hand red eyes B. dragon and also i'll activate united we stand and axe of despair and guess what i'll attack your monster soo red eyes black dragon attack inferno fire blast...........had enough your move” clair:1800 card hunter:500 clair then said in pain “talk about a comeback.......my move DRAW ill activate pot of greed to draw 2 more cards then i'll activate premature burial......” clair:1000 card hunter:500 then she continued “then i'll also activate monster reborn again and ressurection to summon 2 more monsters........then i'll summon by special ability twin mother-flamus “and ill also give her an extra 1000 ATK and DEF thx to her ability and like youjust did i'll activate a equip card.....maiden's blessing this gives my monster an extra 2000 ATK and takes 1000 DEF and I have to destroy him at the end of my turn.......and now twin mother-flamus super fire attack..................i win” then out of nowhere the card hunter started laughing and said “not quite I activate sakurestsu armor say bye-bye to that big ol' reptile then unexptadly she said “not quite i'll activate funeral this cards prevents you from destroying my monster until the end of my move so as I was saying I WIN” then she said finally “now hand over your rarest card” as she said that by tournament rules he was forced to hand over his red eyes b. dragon. A couple of hours later she was walking and sudenly triped as she went to look what triped her she found a rectangular shaped thing rapped in old cloth when she saw what it was she said “WOW twin mother-flamus I guess I found your children I acctually found the rest of the twin dragon deck im going home to look at it now....” as she said that she started running home when she got there she went straight up to her mom and said “mom look I found a dragon deck laying around can I keep it?” her mother thought very very hard and said finally “ok ok you can keep it” clair was so happy she went directly to her room and started looking at it. By:danny_bozoII (next chapter coming soon) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valliant12 Posted August 25, 2010 Report Share Posted August 25, 2010 Try to use spoilers please. [code][spoiler='Title']Hidden Text[/spoiler][/code] Will produce [spoiler='Title']Hidden Text[/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaisu Posted August 26, 2010 Report Share Posted August 26, 2010 [font="Franklin Gothic Medium"]Try learning to write properly. You did go to school, right!? I know a 10-Year old who can write better than most people on this site ;-;[/font] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatPhantomGuy Posted August 26, 2010 Report Share Posted August 26, 2010 Y'see, this is the type of fan fics that give me the inspiration to write. [size="1"]Check out Yu-Gi-Oh! 3Y's[/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dzx9000 Posted August 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 26, 2010 [quote name='ThatPhantomGuy' timestamp='1282845922' post='4568059'] Y'see, this is the type of fan fics that give me the inspiration to write. [size="1"]Check out Yu-Gi-Oh! 3Y's[/size] [/quote] first of all thx a lot because when i saw someone replyed to my post i thought that person came to insult my writing way but then what you said to me made me sooo happy that it automaticly fixed all the sadness the other people brought so thx btw im gonna check it out(yu-gi-oh 3y's) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dzx9000 Posted August 31, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 chapter three:the power of the ghost rider (monster) this time the story begins in the infamous card shoppe "ze card's" where spike is fiding a card to buy. as he gets out of the shop he finds a deck lying on the floor he looks at what type it is and decides to keep it,as he walks away he sees a card stealer and as the card stealer notices that spike looked at him he challenged spike to a duel and guess what spike accepted but the card hunter made a bigger steak instead of the rarest card the whole deck and spike accepted. so the stealer said "let's duel........i DRAW.....then i'll begin with ancient rules to summon curse of dragon and i'll also play rules made to be broken this let's one of my monsters attack the first turn of the duel and rush recklessly now your gonna take 2200 dmg HAHAHAHA!!" spike:1800 card stealer:4000 then spike replied. "ok then my turn i'll draw......i'll begin with ghost's master rider this let's me summon three tributable tokens of the skele-ton (normal/1 star/ATK1500/DEF1500)now if i dont tribute them in on turn i lose 1000 lp so i summon ghost rider." [spoiler(ATK:????/DEF:????)effect:this card cannot be normal summoned or set this card cannot be special summoned exept by tributing 3 monsters from your field and removing from play 3 monsters from your deck this cards ATK and DEF is equal the total points of the strongest group of monsters that where tributed for summoning this card minus the points of the weakest group when this card is summoned put one rider counter(max.5)on it this card also gains counters by attacking. this card gains 500 ATK and 500 DEF for every rider counter on it if this cards atk doesnt reach 2500 by the end of the calculations of summoning increase its ATK by 900 then he continued "so i'll remove from my deck 2 red-eyes black dragon and 1 curse of dragon from my deck now ghoat riders atk is:2300 and since hes 2 other abilitys kick's in i'll start with the most interesting if ghost rider's atk doesn't reach 2500 by the end of summoning cauculation he gains 900 ATK so that's 3200 plus the 500 from the counter witch gives me i mean him 3700 and since my turn was the second i can atk and btw my last card is now in play "2 charm" this let's my monster attack twice so its byby two you" card stealer :0000 spike:1800 then he finished "i win so give me you rarest card" after that spike went home and went to look at his new deck and his newest card:red eyes darkness metal dragon. by:danny_bozoII next chapter coming soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dzx9000 Posted August 31, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 chapter three:the power of the ghost rider (monster) this time the story begins in the infamous card shoppe "ze card's" where spike is fiding a card to buy. as he gets out of the shop he finds a deck lying on the floor he looks at what type it is and decides to keep it,as he walks away he sees a card stealer and as the card stealer notices that spike looked at him he challenged spike to a duel and guess what spike accepted but the card hunter made a bigger steak instead of the rarest card the whole deck and spike accepted. so the stealer said "let's duel........i DRAW.....then i'll begin with ancient rules to summon curse of dragon and i'll also play rules made to be broken this let's one of my monsters attack the first turn of the duel and rush recklessly now your gonna take 2200 dmg HAHAHAHA!!" spike:1800 card stealer:4000 then spike replied. "ok then my turn i'll draw......i'll begin with ghost's master rider this let's me summon three tributable tokens of the skele-ton (normal/1 star/ATK1500/DEF1500)now if i dont tribute them in on turn i lose 1000 lp so i summon ghost rider." [spoiler(ATK:????/DEF:????)effect:this card cannot be normal summoned or set this card cannot be special summoned exept by tributing 3 monsters from your field and removing from play 3 monsters from your deck this cards ATK and DEF is equal the total points of the strongest group of monsters that where tributed for summoning this card minus the points of the weakest group when this card is summoned put one rider counter(max.5)on it this card also gains counters by attacking. this card gains 500 ATK and 500 DEF for every rider counter on it if this cards atk doesnt reach 2500 by the end of the calculations of summoning increase its ATK by 900 then he continued "so i'll remove from my deck 2 red-eyes black dragon and 1 curse of dragon from my deck now ghoat riders atk is:2300 and since hes 2 other abilitys kick's in i'll start with the most interesting if ghost rider's atk doesn't reach 2500 by the end of summoning cauculation he gains 900 ATK so that's 3200 plus the 500 from the counter witch gives me i mean him 3700 and since my turn was the second i can atk and btw my last card is now in play "2 charm" this let's my monster attack twice so its byby two you" card stealer :0000 spike:1800 then he finished "i win so give me you rarest card" after that spike went home and went to look at his new deck and his newest card:red eyes darkness metal dragon. by:danny_bozoII next chapter coming soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grassman131 Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 Ummmm. I really dont want to bag on you but i agree that it would be a little easier to read if you capitalized, but it is pretty good! I am thinking of writing a fan fic myself but Im not sure if it would be good. Would it be okay if once I finish the first chapter then I could pm you the chapter and mabye you could tell me it it is any good at all (im okay with it if you tell me that it sucks as long as that it is what you really feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dzx9000 Posted August 31, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 acctualy you can pm me i dont mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grassman131 Posted August 31, 2010 Report Share Posted August 31, 2010 thanks but i probably wont have the 1st chapter ready for a couple of weeks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twig Posted September 1, 2010 Report Share Posted September 1, 2010 [quote name='mammoth' timestamp='1282332888' post='4547196'] im not saying i expect that in fact i never wanted anything with this exept the fun of writing and then you come along and say that because i dont have time to fix writing errors i shouldnt write and btw get out of my life just because i dont have time to do things here because i have real life problems and time ocupating things i dont have all the time of the world to do this kind of things [/quote] First of all, everyone here writes for fun. No one is going to pay us money, no one is suddenly going to become popular, and no one is going to get anything except for the joy of entertaining others and of course, the fun of writing. So if you just want to write for fun, but you don't want to entertain others, then just keep it to yourself. You don't have to show us. You can still have fun with writing without posting it. If you're not even going to bother fixing the writing errors, please don't waste your time by posting it. Because then you would be wasting our time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ŋ℮cԵaԻ¡Ֆდ Posted September 2, 2010 Report Share Posted September 2, 2010 *Highfives Twig* I agree with the above post and all who made it possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dzx9000 Posted September 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2010 like i care about what you think! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ŋ℮cԵaԻ¡Ֆდ Posted September 2, 2010 Report Share Posted September 2, 2010 Then why are you posting it here? Don't waste... *Fails at data terms* on YCM posting a bad fan-fic if you don't even care what people think about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dzx9000 Posted September 2, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2010 im sorry but did you say something i was to busy ignoring your comment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ŋ℮cԵaԻ¡Ֆდ Posted September 3, 2010 Report Share Posted September 3, 2010 lol@+1postcount. But srsly, if you don't want people to say what they think, why post it here? Honestly, you knew when you started it wasn't perfect. Honestly, the one I'm working on will be crappy too, but at least I'm trying and pacing myself rather than trying to force myself through just to get lazy and mess up things. Just try and slow down and think about what you type. I've started over multiple times because I didn't think part of the first chapter implied the type of character personalities I wanted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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