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[YGO] The New Era of Evolution [PG-13] Chapter 4 Added!

Anbu-of-Sand

By Anbu-of-Sand
in Creative Writing

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Anbu-of-Sand Newbie

Anbu-of-Sand

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[quote name='Supreme Gamesmaster' timestamp='1282930882' post='4571399']
DON'T USE CHARACTER LISTS.

NO ONE WANTS TO READ THEM. TELL US IT IN THE STORY OR WE'LL IGNORE IT. CHARACTER LISTS ARE COPOUTS.

...ahem.
[b]Really? I just felt bored after making the first chapter, and chose to make character lists out of boredom to be honest xP[/b]

Anyway, some other things to watch out for after you've taken that abomination off the page:
>)Main character is likely a Stu. Beware.
[b]Stu? Sorry, but never heard of that abbreviation.[/b]
>)WTF ARE THOSE NAMES.
[b]Made up names that's what :P[/b]
>)Oh, never mind -- the evil teacher is actually pretty good. Although honestly anyone who doesn't know what beatdown is is an idiot, but then again, 75% of every course is review. So far, he and Tyra are my favorite characters (not the flat main character, of course).
[b]Tyra? Really? I didn't give much info about her, but that's good to hear. Any suggestions on how to make the other characters more appealing?[/b]
>)GIVE US A DAMN TRANSITION. MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THE CHAPTER/PART IS OVER. Make it really obvious and dramatic.
[b]Will do.[/b]

It's a crapload better than I thought it would be, but at the same time, it's not excellent. You've laid the groundwork for a lot of twists, mostly revolving around Tyra,
[b]Tyra? Again, really? Explain. Good to hear that it's better than you thought it would be though.[/b]

but based on your writing style so far, it's unlikely I'm going to see much innovation.
[b]Explain the word innovation to me? I've heard of this before, but forgot what it meant D:[/b]

I certainly encourage you to continue, though; I could always be pleasantly surprised.
[b]Will do. Not going to let me first fan fic die just like that.[/b]

Review of story in sig link would be greatly appreciated! [/solicitiation]
[b]Will do when I have the time.[/b]

With all due respect,
~Supreme Gamesmaster Yddisac
[/quote]
Overall, thanks for all of the CnC and suggestions to help improve the fan fic. :D

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Supreme Gamesmaster Newbie

Supreme Gamesmaster

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NEW YCM DOESN'T QUOTETREE. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGG
[quote name='Anbu-of-Sand' timestamp='1282940478' post='4571853']
Really? I just felt bored after making the first chapter, and chose to make character lists out of boredom to be honest xP
[b]It's a sign of laziness; it's usually better not to have them so you don't rely on them. That said, it can be very nice to keep one for your own reference as you write; it helps keep a character's personality in the front of one's mind as one writes.[/b]

Stu? Sorry, but never heard of that abbreviation.
[b]Not an abbreviation; a name: [url=http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MartyStu]Marty or Gary Stu[/url].[/b]

Made up names that's what :P
[b]Made up liek Death Note's, I suppose, so there's no way we can possibly confuse them for actual names...[/b]

Tyra? Really? I didn't give much info about her, but that's good to hear. Any suggestions on how to make the other characters more appealing?
[b]Per-so-na-li-ty! Especially Jay -- give the main character a personality and the fic becomes 20x better. The better-defined and better-developed one's personality is, the better a character they are.
You've got plenty of time for this, so don't worry.[/b]

Will do.
[b]Thankies! ^_^ It's so nice when people actually listen to me when I CAPSLOCKRAEG. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. :D[/b]

Tyra? Again, really? Explain. Good to hear that it's better than you thought it would be though.
[b]Basically I'm thinking that she can either have a myriad of dark secrets or wind up being a red-herring and not the romantic lead or be the "real" heroine, with Jay being an Ishmael. But again, I expect you to surprise me.[/b]

Explain the word innovation to me? I've heard of this before, but forgot what it meant D:
[b]innovate /ˈɪnəveɪt/ v. make changes in something established, especially by introducing new methods, ideas, or products
innovation /ɪnəˈveɪʃ(ə)n/ n. the action or process of innovating
In short, to leave one's mark on the genre and establish your story as something unique. EVERYTHING GOOD INNOVATES, though invention is almost impossible nowadays.[/b]

Will do. Not going to let me first fan fic die just like that.
[b]I'd imagine not.[/b]

Will do when I have the time.
[b]YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS[/b]

Overall, thanks for all of the CnC and suggestions to help improve the fan fic. :D
[b]You're welcome. ^_^[/b]
[/quote]

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Anbu-of-Sand

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[quote name='CursdShiva' timestamp='1283013826' post='4575013']
I love the concept behind chapter 1 and shady teachers 4.t.W xD
[/quote]
Thank you for the CnC and yes, shady teachers FTW!

[quote name='Lord Smeagle' timestamp='1283021493' post='4575418']
It's good stuff. Glad to see a fanfic where everyone's not an expy of characters from the show, and they run actual Decks that don't suck. May keep up with this one.
[/quote]
Well that's good to hear :) I'm kinda iffy on my relationship with the classic Yugioh Animes / Fan Fics starting with the main character being late with their exams and whatnot, so I tried to make the starting a bit different. Simple, but different.

[quote name='Supreme Gamesmaster' timestamp='1283023046' post='4575501']
NEW YCM DOESN'T QUOTETREE. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGGGGGGGG
[/quote]
FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU-

[quote name='Supreme Gamesmaster']
It's a sign of laziness; it's usually better not to have them so you don't rely on them. That said, it can be very nice to keep one for your own reference as you write; it helps keep a character's personality in the front of one's mind as one writes.
[b]A sign of laziness you say? Well to be honest, I'm not really lazy, I actually got all the character statistics in my head, just thought I would put up the character section for fun and whatnot. (Okay, not really fun).[/b]

Made up liek Death Note's, I suppose, so there's no way we can possibly confuse them for actual names...
[b]Exactly.[/b]

Per-so-na-li-ty! Especially Jay -- give the main character a personality and the fic becomes 20x better. The better-defined and better-developed one's personality is, the better a character they are.
You've got plenty of time for this, so don't worry.
[b]Problem is, I have no idea what to make Jay's key personality trait. As you can see. Both other 2 mains, already have their traits. Arjio is that somewhat of a...I forgot the word for it. Any chance you can explain Arjio's personality so far. His key personality trait shows when Mr.Danaora picks him and he gets all surprised and whatnot. Tyra is like I said in the book, the smarty of them all.

But Jay, Jay Jay Jay. I have no idea what to make his key personality trait D: Any chance you can throw some suggestions at me. Anything but a cocky personality. Screw cockiness.[/b]
[/quote]

On a side note, will hopefully, post the next 2 chapters next week. Monday I'll probably post Chapter 2, and Tuesday - Thursday Chapter 3. I'll most likely post 1-2 Chapters per week, sometimes every other week, seeing I'm going back to school and all.

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Lord Smeagle Newbie

Lord Smeagle

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First the bad news. Ancient Gear Explosive...really? I mean, I could see him getting it from his Side Deck if he knew he was playing Stall Mill, I suppose...

However, I do like the descriptive writing you've got going on, and Chaos Sorcerer's character has potential for lolz. Snapely teacher is Snapely, albeit done well, other than that...I think it's pretty solid. But as mentioned a heckuva lot before, character development is important, so don't forget.
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Anbu-of-Sand

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[quote name='Lord Smeagle' timestamp='1283211339' post='4583190']
First the bad news. Ancient Gear Explosive...really? I mean, I could see him getting it from his Side Deck if he knew he was playing Stall Mill, I suppose...
[b]Well, I just skimmed through the Ancient Gear cards on the Wikia, saw it and said 'Yup that'll do' pretty much xP[/b]

However, I do like the descriptive writing you've got going on, and Chaos Sorcerer's character has potential for lolz. Snapely teacher is Snapely, albeit done well, other than that...I think it's pretty solid. But as mentioned a heckuva lot before, character development is important, so don't forget.
[b]Why thank you. Yes Chaos Sorcerer will be lulzy further into the Chapters. Character development is important, except I don't know what kind of key personality trait I should give to Jay, so suggestions would be nice.[/b]
[/quote]
I will most likely post Chapter 3 tomorrow or Wednesday, and maybe Chapter 4 somewhere late this week or next week.
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Anbu-of-Sand

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[quote name='CursdShiva' timestamp='1283295423' post='4586370']
You should give Jay a sorta shy attitude,
[b]I've been thinking about that. But if I do shy, I want to give him a shy attitude then something the opposite of that, like outgoing or something[/b]

honestly that's what looks like he'll turn out to be either that or the a**hole of class.
[b]Lol no. I hate stuck up cocky people.[/b]

And I can't wait for the new chapters. Right know my favorite character would have to be CS. If you want I could do a character page for you on ycm wikia. =D
[b]That's a great offer, but I'll think I'll pass :) Chapter 3 will be posted tomorrow.[/b]
[/quote]

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[quote name='guuu1234' timestamp='1283304879' post='4587090']
I really liked thios chapter. As usual, you did a good job. But what stood out the most is the desriptive skill you used in this chapter, it was pretty good.
[/quote]
Thank you. I'm trying to make the duels as descriptive as possible, just like you would be watching an anime based off of it xD
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[quote name='Supreme Gamesmaster' timestamp='1283380845' post='4590228']
IT'S SO SHORT
[b]Yeah...I was running low on stuff to type >.>[/b]

That's like, a single part of [i]ARDA[/i], those bits I put in between <<>>'s.
[b]Really? D: Didn't expect it to be that short, but I just checked, and your right D:[/b]

Mr. Danaora is still an awesome teacher I'd love to have. Not evil at all yet, except his entry scene.
[b]Orlly? By any chance did you read the third chapter?[/b]
[/quote]
Okay, starting from Chapter 4, I will try my best to make the Chapters now [b]twice[/b] as long, which may be hard with school coming in less than a week and all.
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