Βyakuya Posted August 12, 2010 Report Share Posted August 12, 2010 -nEgAtIvE -An original Fan Fic by Captain Kuchiki ABOUT THE STORY Yugami Gijouhei, a 16 year old teen is an orphan. Years ago, a mysterious attack on his neighborhood had to leave behind Yugami and his parents disappeared on that fateful day after a serious cause. He was taken in by the Ishoku family, who promised to raise Yugami as a kid. But now in high school, Yugami gets sent by the government to become a legal bounty hunter/assassin, to spy on a secret military organization, becasue it may have a link to a secret of Yugami's parents. But later in his journey, he realizes that he must find about about a secret truth his parents kept that might answer a clue to a mystery of a top secret organization. [spoiler=Volume #1 The Starter][spoiler=Chapter 1: Beginning] Yugami Gijouhei. 16 years old. Orphan. Yugami never knew about his parents. He was set with amnesia during that day. In that time, they were a happy family, back when he was 5 years old. But then came a horrible day when a mysterious raid upon his local neighborhood is destroyed. Yugami was left to be taken away by the firemen, while his parents perish, and disappear, but it was unknown. Has his parents died? The question loomed over him for 11 years.... "GET UP YOU LAZY ***!", said a familiar cry. A pillow was swatted at Yugami. He came out, frizzled long dark hair all over his said with hazel eyes. "Ikasu.....", said Yugami lying about in his bed tired. "You don't want to be late for school again!", said Ikasu. He had brown eyes, with neat brown hair, and wore glasses. He also wore a buttoned shirt with a blue jacket on. "Well?", said Ikasu, looking at the alarm clock, saying 7:26. Yugami got out of bed in his PJs. "Okay then Ikasu, if it means I won't get in trouble with Principal Ganri again", said Yugami, stretching, then clinging onto his uniform on a chair. "Meet me at the front door and we can walk their okay?". "Lazy and held back as always", said Ikasu as he left the door. He then came back in again. "Oh yes, and did you complete the homework for Ms. Honshi?", said Ikasu wondering. Yugami got up and put on his clothes, and saw the homework on the bed ripped in two and wrinkled. "Oh s**t", said Yugami in a lacking expression. The bell had rang 15 minutes ago. Ikasu and Yugami arrive at Ms. Honshi's math class after that, with Ms. Honshi angered. "You two, do you know what time it is? Yugami looked at the clock. "Is it time for lunch already?", said Yugami, still tired. Then Ms. Honshi came up and smacked him in his face. Yugami got up, with his face hurt. "What was that for?", said Yugami. "Stop slacking. After School Detention today Mr. Gijouhei". Yugami fainted on the floor dazed and just dumbfounded. "Students, we have a new student! She is an exchange student, so please welcome Harumi Sato!". A girl came in the room, with beautiful brown hari, blue eyes,and a cute glare. Yugami got up, and then stood paralyzed. [spoiler=Chapter 2: Memories in the Rain]Yugami got up to his desk, only to be paralyzed by the beauty of Harumi. "Sato, you can sit in that desk over there", said Ms. Honshi, pointed at a desk in front of Yugami's desk in the back. He was getting that perverted glare. "Hey there....I'm Yug-", said Yugami as he is interupted by b***hslap. "Don't come a least a foot near me.", said Harumi. She moved her desk forward. Yugami looke at Ikasu, and he facepalmed. It was lunchtime, and it rang at 12:50. Yugami sat at a table next to Ikasu, who set up his lunch. "Hey Yugami, did you pick up the bento* box mom has picked up?", said Ikasu. He brought a boxed tray with his favorite food. Yugami got his bento lunch, but realized Harumi was alone. He then got up and walked to her. "Hey, you want to eat over there at that table?" said Yugami. He was pointing to a chair over where Ikasu was. "Ummmm.........Its fine", said Harumi. She sat down on an emty table and looked in her bag. "Oh dear..I forgot to prepare my boxed lunch again..", said Harumi, hungry. Yugami looked at his foood. He then got up and went to Harumi. "Do you want my lunch?", said Yugami, eagerly handing over his food. "Its okay. I have some money in my pocket. You can have it.". Harumi took the box, with some nervous feeling. "uhh....thank you", said Harumi, and started eating. He then went to a nearby snack place, but he looked in his pocket and found out he forgot to bring his money. "Oh s**t, what am I going to eat?", Yugami as his stomach growled. He searched his pocket and found something, like paper. Yugami sat on a step, and looked at it later in the school day. It was a burned photo, with Yugami as a young kid in the center. In the photo, he grabs both his parents hands, looking like they are happy. Yugami went into a state of silence, until a wind blew, and the photo landed into someone's hand. [spoiler=Chapter 3: Salutations]The photo flew out of Yugami's hand, and had flown away, to only get caught by the local school bully. "Oh crap...Its you..Izanagi", said Yugami, still on the step. Izanagi was a large guy, with small eyes, but with a tough glare and had frizzly orange hair. He hd big fists, perfect for punching with. "Well, it seems as if we found you again Yugami", siad Izanagi. He had two other helpers behind him, looking as tough as Izanagi was. "Shut it, Iza", said Yugami, getting up. "Now are you going to give back my photo?", siad Yugami, nervous. "Oh this thi-", said Izanagi as he is interuppted by a punch by Yugami. Izanagi stood there, with his hand covering his cheek, with the photo on the ground. "You're in big trouble Yugami...", said Iza, as he pushed Yugami to the ground, and picked up the photo that was droped again. "So this is your lame picture?", said Iza. "Hey guys! Look at this!", said Iza as he wanted to get his gus to pay attention to the picture. "Hahhahahah! You must be a momma's boy or somethin'!" said Izanagi, and they all laughed. Yugami stood up, and kicked his back. "I'm not joking around. Hand it over", said Yugami. He jumped towards Izanagi and kicked him, but Iza grabbed his leg, and Yugami tripped. "I know all your moves since last time..", said Iza. Iza then punched Yugami's stomach as hard as he could. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...aaa..AaaaAA.....", Yugami screamed. He had a pain in his stomach. "I don't joke Iza", said Yugami,standing up. "You're gonna-", and suddenly, Yugami took a blow from Izanagi's fist. Yugami lay on the ground, with blood in his gums. Izanagi then showed the photo to Yugami, held with two hands. "Would it hurt if I did this?", siad Izanagi, but is interrupted by a kicked in his hips. Yugami looked up, and it was Harumi. "getup", she said. YUgami got up after, wondering why she was here. Izanagi got up. "Why you litt-", and Izanagi got a direct kick in the groin. "F**K!". Izanagi lied there, stunned. "You guys better beat it before I do what your friend does there", siad Harumi, pointing to Izanagi, begging for mercy. "I don't understand..why would you help me?", said Yugami. Harumi got up, and slapped him again. SHe then helped him up again. "Because you helped me, and I repay you", she said. Yugami just stared, wondering. "Thank you", he said, as the photo flew back. [spoiler=Chapter 4: That Feeling]Harumi took Yugami to a nearby tree and treated him. "Are you alright?", she said. Yugami looked up, a little dazed. "You..didn't have to..do that you know", Yugami said. Harumi looked back and sat on the grass. "Well, if you gave me your boxed lunch, might as well repay your debt", said Harumi. "After all, I am a 3rd degree black belt", said Harumi, bragging. Yugami was a little pissed off. "Shut Up.", said Yugami. Harumi then put her hand on his head and pushed down in anger. "Don't mes with my skills..", said Harumi, angered. "OKAY I'M SORRY!!!!". Harumi pushed harder. "AAAhh!! OKAY! OKAY! THANK YOU FOR REPAYING ME!!--AH! AND YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL TOO!". Harumi stopped, then she picked up the photo and looked at it. "What's this? It looks ruined.", said Harumi, picking at it. Yugami picked up the picture. "That's my businessand not yours", Yugami said. He took the picture, and shoved it in his pocket. The bell then rang from outside. "Well, its back to class", she said. "You better hurry up or you will be late or I will have to repay you again", she said. She kicked a rock and went into the school building. Yugami was left astounded. "Why..this girl....she didn't have to repay me..so....", Yugami felt some feeling inside of him, but felt a little nostalgic as well. Suddenly, a soccer ball hits Yugami in the head. "WTF did that come from?", said Yugami, angered. It was Ikasu, holding a bunch of soccer balls in a sack. "Yugami, you're going to be late again!", said Ikasu. "What's your business with my grades?, he said. "I've volunteered to help the Gym class", he said. The bell rung again, saying class has started. "Well, good luck getting through math class! I get a pass!", said Ikasu, as he picked up the soccer ball and left. "Its going to be a rough day today...", said Yugami, lying on the tree, embarrassed and in trouble. [spoiler=Chapter 5: Solemnity] Yugami sat on the tree injured, with his back a little off, and his wrist in pain. His face was also hurt, with some scars and cuts from being on the ground. He saw the photo, folded it, and placed it in his pocket. -----------------------------------11 years ago. It was a lovely day in the neighborhood. Yugami was playing with toys as usual. His mom cooked his favorite food for dinner. Yugami got up from his toys, and went to his mother, and asked her something. "Can I play outside?", he said. His mom looked at Yugami. "You can, if you can be careful, and you won't talk to strangers", she said, as she was chopping p some fish. Yugami happily went outside on the driveway, playing with his action figures and trucks. "I remembered on that day", Yugami thought. He was playing with his toys, when his toy truck ran into the street. "Oh no! My truck!". Yugami got up and ran to the street. Something was fishy. The streets were empty, and no one was outside. Yugami went back to the driveway, and saw a scary event that was going to happen. A truck pulled over, and a group of suited men that looked like they were from the military got up, and ran to the houses. Yugami hid in a bush. "Oh no..", he said, scared as he cuddled up with his toys. The men started to shoot the homes, and beating up the people in the homes, demanding for something. In the end, they were shot to death. Yugami got up and went back into the house. "Mom! What's happening?", he said. His mom had a bad feeling, as with his dad. "Yugami....lock yourself in the closet..NOW", she said. "But-", said Yugami as he is interrupted. Yugami hid himself in the closet, and hid with the jackets and clothing. That was the last time he saw his parents. He could hear screaming in the distance, and yelling. He even heard a mother cry out for a child, but in the end, most died. Young Yugami woke up, in an adoption hall. He saw a news report, saying a band of mysterious people with guns, massacred loads of citizens in a flash, and there was no sign of evidence of what or who committed this tradegy. But the scariest thing was that his parents were missing. 8 days later, and a young man named Hikaru Ishoko decided to adopted young Yugami, after finding out his parents were missing, while other parents rejected him...----------------------------------Yugami got up at last, and headed to class. "It's dark..I cannot see...." [spoiler=Chapter 6: gOTTA sTAY cOOL]The sun went down silently, and on that evening, there was no sound. The children from the district had just went inside, and had greeted their parents after having some fun. Yugami, with Ikasu are walking home, after a moderate but troublesome schoolday. "So, looks like you have a girlfriend on your hands", said Ikasu in a perverted expression. Yugami just slapped Ikasu. "Owwoowowowo....what was that for?" "Dude, she's not my girlfriend!", said Yugami. "But when you kept looking at her, when she saved you from Izanagi, you just had that look >3>". Yugami's face suddenly turned red. "Sheesh. Give me a break Ikasu. I wanna go home and take a nap". The two arrive home when they see a tall muscular man with a dark body, messy hair, and a small goatee. On his face, he had a deep scar on his right cheek next to his dark sunglasses. He wore a suit, and a pair of sunglasses that you can;t see through them. The most surprising thing was that he had a gun on his waist, as if he was ready to kill. Ms. Ishoku was just there, staring at the man. "Good morning gentlemen. Where is Yugami Gijouhei", said the man in a clam manner. Yugami slowly raised his hand. The man was speaking awkwardly as if he did not speak Japanese. "Uh..I am sir. What do you want?" The man went behind the two and closed the door. He then moved unto the main hallway with his hands behind his back in a properly fashion. He then looked at Ms. Ishoku "Miss, May I talk with him in privacy in the most secluded area of this house?", he said. Ms. Ishoku nodded slowly, gestured to the basement door, and with that, the man took Yugami to the basement and not a single word was uttered from neither person as they walked down the steps. "Please..excuse me. My name is Alessandro Ruiz. I am part of the Secret Orginization of Government Executives", or SOGE for short. Yugami Gijouhei, I am recruiting you to be a member of this group, where you shall be an assassin", said Alessandro. More coming soon! Please read and comment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.Phenomenal Posted August 12, 2010 Report Share Posted August 12, 2010 Awesome, pretty cool and exciting, i love a good horror story, nice ending there, that is what makes people want to continue reading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Βyakuya Posted August 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 12, 2010 Thanks! I will get more in depth later on in this volume. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Βyakuya Posted August 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 I have added Chapter 2. Chaper 3 soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Βyakuya Posted August 14, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2010 I has added Chapter 3 and 4. Please check out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erinyes Posted August 14, 2010 Report Share Posted August 14, 2010 I read through chapter four. There a many grammar mistakes that seem to be because of rushed writing, or lack of understanding of the language. Overall, the chapters are very short (not necessarily a bad thing), and at the end of most chapters, you try to end with a cliff hanger, but in reality, it is just a cut off. The characters are okay; personally, I think most of them belong in a manga or something due to their weird reactions; especially Yugami's in chapter 1. I'm kind of interested, but I'll probably only read a chapter or two more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Βyakuya Posted August 14, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2010 Alright, thanks. I may have some grammar errors, so I'll fix them up too. And yes, I try to cut-off them to see what happens, but its for a later purpose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Athena- Posted August 14, 2010 Report Share Posted August 14, 2010 Sorry for the late review. I was busy yesterday. (I just bookmarked this page so whenever you have an update, I'll see it) Anyways, I agree with Erinyes. You have lots of grammar mistakes but whatever, they're probably typos. I like the plot so far :) It's interesting.The characters are okay. I'm not very interested but it's probably because the story is just developing. Can't wait to read the rest! Keep it up ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Βyakuya Posted August 14, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 14, 2010 Sorry for the late review. I was busy yesterday. (I just bookmarked this page so whenever you have an update, I'll see it) Anyways, I agree with Erinyes. You have lots of grammar mistakes but whatever, they're probably typos. I like the plot so far :) It's interesting.The characters are okay. I'm not very interested but it's probably because the story is just developing. Can't wait to read the rest! Keep it up ^_^ Thanks Athena! I'll try to emphasize the plot more so I'll think about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Βyakuya Posted March 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 Bump. I'm finally back on track. So please evaluate people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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