legendhiro Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 i've only read chapter one and checked out some stuff on the wiki, but i gotta say, this is one of the best written fics i've seen. the writing is better than mine at times ;) i like the crusaders, especially the judeo-christian undertones. such are something that is purposefully taken out of the english version of Yu-Gi-Oh! (the version i play) and seems to be forgotten by most of the card makers here. i'm interested in what will come of this archetype within your story. and hey, our fics are kinda in the same continuity, since its central duel academy, a successor to duel academy (unless i'm just completely wrong), and my latest fic takes place in the opening years of duel academy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtremeG Posted December 10, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 Thanks ^_^ Yeah, you'll see a little more about the cards that Skyler uses in the future and why they are significant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legendhiro Posted December 10, 2010 Report Share Posted December 10, 2010 looking forward to it. it says in the first post that you started over from the beginning. just out of curiosity, how different would you say this version is from the original? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtremeG Posted December 11, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2010 Well, I originally had Syrus truedale as the teacher instead of Saber Nitephyer, but changed it after someone told me that he grew up to be a proffesional duelist. Also, Saber plays a pretty big role in the future. Also, I didn't have the prologue to explain the circumstances of the world, or why Skyler ran away from home in the first place. Plus all the gramar and spelling errors. Honestly I've gone through about 4 rewrites :/ But I think I finally got it to a good place Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legendhiro Posted December 12, 2010 Report Share Posted December 12, 2010 looks good the way it is now. though i would have included a little less in the prologue probably, as it's a little spoiler-ish. but still good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtremeG Posted December 26, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 26, 2010 Chapter 6 is now out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtremeG Posted January 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2011 Chapter 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Gamesmaster Posted January 22, 2011 Report Share Posted January 22, 2011 If Kira is actually gay for Tai I will love this story so much [quote name='Caiba' timestamp='1281756237' post='4523137'] Why did you make skyler gay? [/quote]Why not? Also, it makes Kira/Tai look plausible. I'm Supreme Gamesmaster Yddisac. If you haven't met me, I actually made the YCM Wikia back in the day (though it spiraled into its own creation entirely without my knowledge ; and I'm fairly respected in writing circles here, partly because I'm actually a decent writer (see Yu-Gi-Oh! ARDA for my examples and also review it pl0x) and partly because I give good reviews. Liek this one. This is the second story today that's shocked me with its quality. It's also weirdly similar to ARDA in many ways. Let's go. Conventions: [b]A[/b] It didn't get in the way; therefore, you get an A. Next. Characters: [b]A[/b] Distinct personalities; believable, anime-ish characters... It's like a boy's-love story with a girl's-love plot, which is something I've been waiting for for a [i]long[/i] time. Skyler also seems appropriately reserved considering his past -- though I marvel that he doesn't appreciate his popularity more. Also, I officially ship Kira/Tai (Though I must wonder... "Kira?"). I haven't shipped in a fanfic since MaleOC!Shinki/Tenshi in Etherdrone's Touhou Chronicles, which is probably the best fanfic I've ever read. I didn't even ship in the fanfic that inspired me to start writing (though I swallowed Link/Lydia fairly quickly and gave it its due respect once it popped up). That's a sign of EPIC character development -- they basically have their own unique personalities, to the point where I can start predicting what they'll do and who they might fall in love with. MAJOR kudos there -- even if Kira/Tai is by accident, it still proves you've developed the characters to the point where my mind bothers with shipping them. Plot: [b]C[/b] It's very slow, which I can't dislike (ARDA is mostly slice-of-life). But it seems pretty cliché so far -- hero's mysterious past... iffy. Also, Ghouls aren't nearly as intimidating at age eight, unless they're in Nanoha, in which case they're to be courted. ...wait. Effort: [b]A[/b] No problems here. Readability: [b]C[/b] I had to force myself to keep reading at times in spite of the amazing characterization. Space out the really long dialogue chunks more; use spacing to help control the pacing as well as where grammatically correct. That will come with practice, and it's the mark of a truly accomplished writer. Score: [b]74% -- B[/b] The highest score I've given out yet, the next highest being a seventy (note that that excludes Dead Zone, which is of professional quality and was graded appropriately). I'm guessing that will change as you start to grow into your style, master spacing, and develop the plot. This looks pretty amazing, and it's one of the better fics on YCM for certain. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtremeG Posted January 22, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2011 LOL thank you so much for the review. And I didn't really plan on Skyler being gay, he's just really comforitable with his friends and sexuality. His ambiguous nature is fun to write. I get the thing about the conversations and the plot. Believe me, there is still much to come Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admiral_Stalfos19 Posted January 22, 2011 Report Share Posted January 22, 2011 [quote name='Gailson' timestamp='1280991407' post='4487708'] "As the challenger, I believe that I will start this Duel." [/quote] You did it wrong. Challenger's supposed to go last. Other than that, not a bad read overall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtremeG Posted March 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2011 OM frickin' Gosh! It's here I'm soooo happy that I was able to get all my edits done. If your a fan (all 2 of you :/ ) and like my story, you should know that I re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-edited parts of the story Nothing about the overall story sturture, just the diologue and explainations to make them easier to read. I hope you like it Also, I'm giving up Yu-Gi-Oh for lent, so you won't get a new chapter until 40 days after wendesday. So this will have to hold you over until then.... LOOK! A GIANT MONKEY! >.> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Gamesmaster Posted March 9, 2011 Report Share Posted March 9, 2011 [s]"admonish" means "express disapproval"[/s] Skyler is AWESOME. "Ambiguously" gay Cloud Cuckoolander... yep, he's a male version of Osaka. WITH DUEL MONSTERS. WHAT NOW. You've actually tackled all the problems with characterization and grammar, so you've officially joined the ranks of "good writers." From here on out, I think your problem is with readability. While your prose is far from horrible, it's tough to read because it's spaced poorly and is repetitive. It's a good story, but I had to force my eyes onto the words to appreciate them (which is saying something; words are like giant lighthouses for my eyes). Playing with spacing and sentence structure could help this become as interesting to read as it is to analyze. It's advanced stuff from here on out -- the border of good and great, not bad and good -- and there's no one right way to do this kind of thing, so experiment all you'd like. Good luck. I'd use my rubric, but OH LOOK I ALREADY DID It looks like some improvements have been made since I last checked in. The force is strong with this one... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtremeG Posted July 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2011 ANNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD done. Hope you enjoy it. I'm not really sure about this episode cause I feel like its a little choppy. But whatever, the next episode is going to be really important to the storyline cause it's about Kira and how far he has come as both a Duelist and and person. ANNNNNYYYYWWWAAAAAYYYYYY, please enjoy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aviv: D's Knight Posted July 19, 2011 Report Share Posted July 19, 2011 Sorry, I checked out for a long time, I love the new story, and how Kira actually has a SYNCHRO! I mean, it's the newest thing, its not like it has been out for like 3 years.[/sarcasm] But sewioswy, I love it. Saber Nitephyr=Chazz, definitely. @Supreme Gamesmaster:I like the story, but dead zone is (drumroll please) THEE BEST FANFIC EVER!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtremeG Posted July 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2011 [quote name='Caiba' timestamp='1311089040' post='5369173'] Sorry, I checked out for a long time, I love the new story, and how Kira actually has a SYNCHRO! I mean, it's the newest thing, its not like it has been out for like 3 years.[/sarcasm] But sewioswy, I love it. Saber Nitephyr=Chazz, definitely. @Supreme Gamesmaster:I like the story, but dead zone is (drumroll please) THEE BEST FANFIC EVER!!!! [/quote] LOL GLad yo're enjoying it! The Synchro thing is supposed to illustrate that the time period it at a cross roads between GX and 5D's. Just wait, cause in the next season we'll be seeing CARD GAMES ON MOTORCYCLES!!! XD As for Saber....*shrug* you'll have to keep reading ;P I haven't really read Dead Zone myself. I don't really read any fan fictions to be honest. The extent of my patience for them extends only as far as the first "its" "it's" mistake. Thanks for the comment!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtremeG Posted December 31, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2013 Yeah sooooo...I did a thing. I didn't really like the sloppy plot line of CD so I scrapped it and decided to rewrite the whole thing... OH GOD HAT HAVE I DONE!!! No, but seriously, I hope to be writing a lot more this year. Let us see how long that last... :P Hope you all enjoy!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtremeG Posted March 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 22, 2014 Hey! Finally got around to posting the next chapter. Yeah for spring break! Hope you like it and the picture of Taikerou being his typical awesome self ;P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtremeG Posted June 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2014 Thank you all so much for continuing to read this half-decent fan fic! I love you all! The pic for this chapter, a preview of things to come ;P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtremeG Posted June 2, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2015 Updated Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Blaze Posted June 3, 2015 Report Share Posted June 3, 2015 Let me start by saying that I don't read many fanfics (especially ones with unoriginal characters, uninteresting plots, and bad writing) so you can take my inexperienced opinion with a grain of salt. I actually really like your story. The writing is excellent, the characters are hilarious, and the use of original cards is always admirable. I haven't read your old version, but since I'm finding myself disagreeing with some of the previous criticisms, I'm guessing that your edits have properly addressed them. The biggest thing is the plot, which I don't think is slow at all for a story that takes place in a school environment. It takes some time to establish the characters and the setting before the world crisis everyone seems to expect happens, if you even plan on one happening. That being said, there are a few things I think could use some work. First, I think that Skyler's character is, while not boring as some of the other comments have suggested, cliche in some respects. Funny as it is, I'm having trouble accepting the basis of Skyler's social awkwardness. I guess you can say he was sheltered, but unless the Internet doesn't exist in this universe, there's no reason why he should be ignorant of sexual innuendos or his insensitive comments unless he's autistic (in which case, I apologize). Or maybe this is one of those things where I have to suspend my belief in order to get a more interesting character. I don't know. Second, while I like the fact that you use original cards, I don't find the duels particularly entertaining. Mostly, they've just been normal games of back and forth with no clever strategies or meaningful moments, which is disappointing considering how calculating Skyler supposedly is. This also brings me to that bs topdecking moment in chapter 4. Skyler having a duel spirit suggests that he has a strong connection with his cards, which might justify drawing what he needs at the right time. But you characterized him as a methodical duelist, which not only contradicts that strong connection but also fails to explain why he had a "94.1723 percent chance" of drawing the right card. Maybe this gets explained later or maybe this is another suspension of belief moment, but at least in my opinion, these duels leave something to be desired. All in all, I think your story is pretty good and (from the look of your DeviantArt page) you are very dedicated to your original characters, which is both impressive and admirable. I'll definitely continue reading. Keep up the good work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtremeG Posted June 3, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2015 OMG fans! *swoon* Lol, no but seriously, thank you for the kind words and criticisms! I really appropriate it! Yeah, I would say this is about my... 8th time re-editting everything. It started out a lot different and just kind of evolved *.* As for Skyler, really my inspiration for him is a more cuddly version of Sheldon Cooper, but I definitely see what you mean about not explaining things about his character. I promise that as the story continues, we start to understand more about his past and why he acts the way he does. I'm actually considering cutting out the seeing Duel Spirits thing. It doesn't really add anything, except for maing the character "more special". IDK THANKS AGAIN!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtremeG Posted June 12, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 12, 2015 New Chapter + Edits. I am on a roll here!!! XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExtremeG Posted March 5, 2016 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2016 New Chapter added! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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