Role Patroling, with Tainted Black {I'm gonna kill this Sage}

[Twig]

[spoiler=*Sigh...*]

 

To not confuse the readers, I will make my posts blue.

 

NOTE: This is a special review, having the opening speech slightly different then the original. BTW, I didn't see the Improvements post, so this goes to what you did in the first post of this entire thread.

 

Today is a very special day. Today is the day I see what is wrong with the Fan Fic I have entered and what can possibly be known as "good", along with comedy through and through, if I choose to, that is. If it's bad, I won't come back to the fic. If it's good, I might. It depends on what is new and what can possibly be better, but I highly doubt anything good can come out of certain Fan Fics that I usually enter. But who knows? It depends on how the writer/author would actually make it. Even so, like Foe Fiction, bad Fics always need to be hurt back to understand what they are doing wrong, which at rare times is "always". So let's begin the C-4 Bomb Scan.

 

You want a fancy opening speech like Crab gave you? Go see Crab.

 

Okay, now that's just being lazy. Not making an opening speech yourself but saying "Go see Crab" is pathetic. I would never say that. Ever! So, technically, this is irrelevant. What's the point of saying it anyways? You're too lazy to write an opening speech, but you're not too lazy to just say "Go see Crab"? Pathetic attempt.

 

Having an opening speech is optional. Black was probably joking in that sentence, but you probably don't know that. And a pathetic attempt to do what?

 

I'm here to point out the 90%, which in the RP section is more like 96% trash. Go see her Foe Fiction for the rest.

 

*facepalm* Again, you are still too lazy to explain. If you explain in your own words, THEN I might change this comment. But you decide to say that RPs are 96% trash. Impossible. I say it's 60-75% trash. But it's your opinion and I respect that. Just so long as you don't act like me when I first began, yelling at the plot-holes that pop up everywhere.

 

This isn't even part of the reviews. You're screaming at Black for being too lazy to write an opening speech which is optional in the first place. Having a bad opening speech doesn't affect the reviews.

 

I put on my Crab Helmet, and march into the streets to clean up.

 

*facedesk* Now this is just down-right ridiculous. It's sounding like you're making fun of Crab, saying that you are wearing her, which makes no sense. Clean up what? Your act? Because that's the only mess I see. Anything else is the deluded trash of your reviewing attempts.

 

Yeah, your review is down-right ridiculous. Don't you get it? Crab HELMET! Black made a pun, but you're too busy trying to find a way to scream at everything to notice it. If you even read this carefully, you'd notice that Black mentioned that RP section is 96% trash. The "march into the streets to clean up" is a metaphor. He meant that he's going to clean up the Roleplay section.

 

Role Patrol 1: A Day in the Life of Sartorious Jr.

 

Another Yugioh RP... Another Duel Academy... Oh I remember my younger years... So, I will impart what I have learned. DA RPs CAN last, but YOU NEED A STRAIGHTFORWARD PLOT. Does this guy have one?

 

Maybe, maybe not. It's kinda pointless, asking if the creator has a good, straightforward plot. If you want to know, look for yourself instead of just staying where you are and looking around all willy-nilly!.

 

This an opening speech, like a blurb on the back of a book. If you've read a lot of books, you'd know that author asks questions like "Will Jimmy save the world?", "Will she find true love?", and etc. to catch the attention of readers.

plot

 

 

Duel academy was about to be shut down until an unknown buyer has bought duel academy. He has added 2 new dorms. Where will you be and will you survive? This new owner was declared and is the son of sartorious, he attracted new students with the newly installed duel runner track and new dorms.

 

Unknown buyer, mysterious, obvious it will be revealed in the R-

*Sees Son of Sartorious*

SPOILER ALERT! Why would you start with Unknown then ANNOUNCE the Unknown Buyer?! You announced the dorms before him as well, without any depth to them. You also put a question to the applicants in the MIDDLE of the plot. Put it at the end if anywhere, but it really should not be there. Period. And the Duel runner Track, yeah? Should have been mentioned when the dorms were initially.

 

Oh, and I forgot to mention lolcanoncharacterkids.

 

I have to agree with you on this one. The possible reason for this is probably because the creator isn't that good with making a good storyline, especially when it comes to Duel Academies.

 

Thank you Captain Obvious.

 

And the lol is irrelevant to what you were doing. So, for the most of it, you are right. But I think the "SPOILER ALERT!" thing was a bit overdoing it, if I may add.

 

Black was talking about the son of Sartorious, which was part of the plot. How was that irrelevant?

 

rules

 

All YCM rules apply and dont short post i think this has potential

 

*Looks at RP, looks at word potential, RP, potential, RP, potential* Am I reading the same RP?

 

Technically, this is irrelevant. If there was a point as to that comment, you should at least mention it.

 

Common sense will tell you that Black thinks that this RP has no potential.

 

App

 

Name: OK

age: Good

bio:(optional) Alri- What? OPTIONAL? Thought not required here? Oh, an Idiocracy is born. How Beautiful!

 

I agree. I've seen it for some people, but not all. As long as you don't put sarcasm, you'll be just fine. And it's pronounced "Idiocy", not "Idiocracy".

 

Sarcasm can both provide a comedic effect and criticism. In fact, Crab made a review once with 95% sarcasm.

appearence:(pic or description) Pic or description... Hmm... I say only description. Description is much better, and uses your noggin,

personality: Good

decklist:(preferably in spoiler) Not a bad idea, but remove 'preferably'. By the way... Where's Turbo Deck list?

Prefered Dorm: Shouldn't there be a test for this? An RP sample, quality of app, quality of deck, SOMETHING?!

teacher or student: Where is the specification of the roles of teacher and student to the plot? WHERE?!

 

All these comments are basically irrelevant. And since this Duel Academy, there is no Turbo Deck List in any of the stories. And the RP sample, I can agree with, because it is to show how one can do in an average RP of the type. And you're right. There was no explanation as to students and/or teachers in the plot, so basically, that part of the App is absolutely pointless from here on out.

 

Why are you constantly calling things irrelevant? In each sentence, Black talks about each line of the app.

Unless this guy made a simple app in order to test people, this app is utter garbage. GARBAGE! I would not feed pigs with it. There are not even length limits!

 

*double facepalm* Just saying it's garbage doesn't mean that you're right? If you were, that would've been a different story. But since it isn't, it's in fact irrelevant. 100% POINTLESS!

 

Black explained why it's garbage right above that sentence! Yeah it's kinda pointless, but lots of reviewers call things garbage. Your review is garbage.

Slifer red

 

The lowest ranking dorm full of mostly first years.

 

Really? Well, the story is it was just reboought... So, doesn't that mean EVERYONE is a first year? Hm? All the students that weren't new would have left already, and gone somewhere else, logically. Very few would remain.

 

WTF is a "reeboought"? You mean a "reboot"? You really need a dictionary. And you might be right. But you might be wrong as well. Who knows? You might in the middle. It won't matter since this is somewhat irrelevant to the topic at hand.

 

Black makes one spelling mistake and you immediately tell him that he needs a dictionary. Why the heck do you think it's irrelevant? The Slifer Red description talks about the dorm being mostly for first years. Then Black talks about how most of the students coming will be in their first year since it just reopened. Maybe if you take that blindfold off, you might actually be able to read.

 

Ra yellow

 

Aaaah, Mediocrity. Every story needs average Joes and Jills.

 

Aaaah, Irrelevance. Every person needs that every now and then. But not today!

 

Aaaah, Repetitiveness . Every story/review needs to get rid of it.

 

And everyone needs irrelevance? What?

Obelisk Blue

 

The place to be supposed top ranked dorm but not quite.

 

Not Quite? Supposed to be? Well, why is it not?

 

Why are you asking these questions when they won't be answered?

 

Says guy asking a question. We find out here that Swift has never seen a court session, do we not? Don't you know that questions don't have to be answered. They can make a point to, can't they?

 

Wicked Black

 

Highest dorm but to the more dark and sinister.

 

Wait, so they are the villains? Well, that would be in the plot wouldn't it? Well, nah! No need for INFO. I'm gonna be a daisy-loving light dresser here! WHEE!

 

Is there a reason as to why you keep making these pointless comments? I mean, if you are to keep doing this, I don't know what I'm going to do.

 

It's not pointless. Black is telling Adamant Howls that if the Wicked Black students are the villains, it should be in the plot. He also mentions that the plot lacks info. The last sentence was a joke.

 

Judgment White

 

Highest dorm more to the honest and light duelists, inspired by society of light.

 

Now Judgement White? My Lord, what is wrong with this kid? Where did these come from? Can I learn about Black and White Dorms? Who is evil? I'm gonna be an Emo badboy in this White dorm. Yes.

 

*facewall* Will you stop with these pointless questions, because they're not going to be answered! If you think you are good with reviewing, then ask questions that you can answer YOURSELF!

 

Don't ever do another review since you don't know how to write one. If you think you are good with at reviewing, then you'd know that questions help make a point. Black is implying that there is barely any info. And stop calling things pointless and irrelevant.

 

I will be the chancellor i suppose.

 

The what? I forgot what that meant. It's the one who runs the school, right? Yeah, I'll go with that.

 

*Spews drink out mouth* WHAT?! You GUESS?!?! what do you mean you GUESS?! You own the RP! You need to fill out an app, and need to be decisive! Not 'Well, maybe I'll, no, well gawrsh, what'll I do?'

 

Guess who's sounding like me with MY first attempt at reviewing?

 

In your dreams.

 

If you are going to mock me, don't! Period. I yelled at Fics every now and then, but you overdid it.

 

*Ahem* Let's take a look at Swift's first attempt.

 

WHAT?!? You mean to tell me that I went through an entire gay ass piece of crap of a story that had nearly no explanation whatsoever' date=' and little descriptions on appearance, background, and location, now you decide that the story of Yu-Gi-Oh 5d's should only be about Mario and Luigi!?! F**K YOU!!! Self-Destruct Sequence in T-Minus 3...

 

2...

 

1...

 

BOOM!!!!

[/quote']

 

So YCM, who overdid it?

 

I love how you think he's mocking you. Fact: Every reviewer yells at garbage.

 

You were insulting the creator more than the RP itself. That is just being stupid.

 

Says the guy insulting the reviewer.

 

But I'll agree with the stuff you said to add. True, the creator of an RP needs to be fair, but I'm pretty sure this was mad by a n00b, so he didn't have a clue as to what was going on. And maybe, that n00b doesn't follow rules.

 

He doesn't have a clue to what was going on on his own RP? Makes perfect sense.

 

Overall... Bad Grammar, bad punctuation, no real plot, no explanations that are needed, and indecisiveness on your role. This RP has tons of potential, oh yes.

 

In conclusion, a prime example of how RPs on YCM have become.

 

Overall, excessive irrelevant comments, pathetic attempts at insults, partially bad grammar, little things that I agree with, and insult, along with mockery, of my reviewing skills.

 

There were no irrelevant comments, no pathetic attempts, very little bad grammar, a lot of things I agree with, and no mockery of your first review.

You call yourself a reviewer? Why do I even bother?

 

Didn't you tell Black to stop asking questions? I see hypocrisy.

 

Since the fact is that every bad fic I enter is just another malfunctioning C-4 Bomb that needs to be scanned for approval and shut off before it detonates the whole place, hypothetically.

 

This isn't even a sentence.

 

Luckily, this is just one of your reviews. It's bad(My God, it really is!), but I can tell that if I continue, your overall rating will keep plummeting until you get a ranking of 0.

 

What did Twig, Crab Helmet, and BlazingHydra say about your reviews? It's under negative 9000!!!!111ONE!!!

 

In conclusion, if you want to do reviews, do some research first. Because I can't stand that someone would be this horrible after ONE review. I'm not even going to continue. Now do you see what you did wrong? If you don't, then proofread it continuously until you can get it through that thick skull of yours! -_-

 

Please read this to yourself.

 

In conclusion, The Swift Assaulter has no idea what he's talking about and thinks everything is irrelevant and pointless.

 

[Nexev]

And you'll be breaking the Jack Witt Clause. It's not my fault that I can review his fic and he's whining about it! He should be the one to just follow my words, or shut up! There, I'm done. Oh, one more thing. How is it spamming when I can review this fic as I see fit? There, NOW I'm done. See ya! Hope you like what I did with this thread! Bye-bye!

Did you just tell him that he can't have a differing opinion.

 

 

....

 

I find this so hillarous I'ma sigging.

 

[Headmaster Monokuma]

Wonderful job Twig. I must say, you do a great job reviewing reviews.

 

Anyway, Black, this guy doesn't know what he's saying, so ignore him. You provided enough, and gave more now. So don't worry about him.

[Nexev]

I also agree with twigs review.

 

Besides, Black called my rp mediocore, did I start spewing foam yelling out insults and saying somehow they were protected?

 

No, I through up paper thin excuses, one of them that actuallly might have counted, and ended it at that.

 

Oh, and I made fun of you.

 

Swift assualter, swiftly assualted.

[Kōsuke Ueki]

:angry: *Johnny Test Reference*

 

Alright, listen up! You have all lost your minds!*End*

 

If you want to make fun of me and put words into my mouth as in, "The Swift Assaulter has no idea what he's talking about and thinks everything is irrelevant and pointless." WRONG! I DO know what I'm talking about. You just have no clue what it is I'm trying to say. And I don't think EVERYTHING is pointless and irrelevant. You're so stupid that you can't even grasp the fact that some of Black's comments were in fact pointless. If you keep going with this conflict, it's never gonna end until a mod locks this. So all of you just leave me the f*** alone! Oh yeah. One more thing.

 

Since the fact is that every bad fic I enter is just another malfunctioning C-4 Bomb that needs to be scanned for approval and shut off before it detonates the whole place, hypothetically.

 

This isn't even a sentence.

 

Yes it is! You are probably to stupid to know what the word "Hypothetical" even means. So who are you to say it's not a sentence?

 

There, I'm finished. If you keep going, it would be to no avail!

[Nexev]

What your doing is reachin your hand into a viper nest and complaining that you got bit.

 

 

....

They shoot you for that in Texas you know.

[Twig]

[spoiler=*Sighs even more...*]This is actually a reality show called 1 vs 100.

 

:angry: *Johnny Test Reference*

 

Alright, listen up! You have all lost your minds!*End*

 

It's only you, bud. The mob wins.

 

If you want to make fun of me and put words into my mouth as in, "The Swift Assaulter has no idea what he's talking about and thinks everything is irrelevant and pointless." WRONG!

 

Now this game is called Phoenix Wright.

 

OBJECTION! Your sentence has no predicate! Therefore, your point is invalid!

 

I DO know what I'm talking about. You just have no clue what it is I'm trying to say.

 

And I don't think EVERYTHING is pointless and irrelevant.

 

Okay, maybe I was harsh. Let me rephrase it. You think most things are pointless and irrelevant.

 

You're so stupid that you can't even grasp the fact that some of Black's comments were in fact pointless.

 

Let's play Yu-Gi-Oh!

 

I summon, Copycat! You're so ignorant that you can't even grasp the fact that most of Black's comments were, in fact, not pointless.

 

If you keep going with this conflict, it's never gonna end until a mod locks this.

 

Read this to yourself.

 

So all of you just leave me the f*** alone! Oh yeah. One more thing.

 

You forgot the commas around "the f***." You should learn to put commas around your appositives.

 

Since the fact is that every bad fic I enter is just another malfunctioning C-4 Bomb that needs to be scanned for approval and shut off before it detonates the whole place, hypothetically.

 

This isn't even a sentence.

Yes it is! You are probably to stupid to know what the word "Hypothetical" even means. So who are you to say it's not a sentence?

Let's play Grammar Teacher now.

 

Every sentence must have at least one independent clause. The whole first part is just a big subordinate clause that looks like it can be a sentence because of it's numerous prepositions. So that leaves hypothetically, but it's only an adverb. The sad thing is that this whole thing could be fixed by removing "Since" at the beginning.

 

There, I'm finished. If you keep going, it would be to no avail!

 

Please do stop. You're only hurting yourself. If you continue, I will be forced to call the Cyber Police. CONSEQUENCES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!

 

 

[PrimalFear]

Wow so much drama in here lol. I have to say I've read every single word in every post and I love this. It's a great I dea Black though I had to agree with Umbra and Rinne when they said you could do a bit more with pointing out some ways to help out. Although it looks like you did just that. As for Swift all I can say is lolfaillol!!! Either way Black keep doing what your doing and don't listen to the people who just want to flame you for doing this and or complain about it. This is a good thing and one can only hope that it helps the forum.

[Sploda]

@Twig

Love the end of that one.

[Kōsuke Ueki]

Wow so much drama in here lol. I have to say I've read every single word in every post and I love this. It's a great I dea Black though I had to agree with Umbra and Rinne when they said you could do a bit more with pointing out some ways to help out. Although it looks like you did just that. As for Swift all I can say is lolfaillol!!! Either way Black keep doing what your doing and don't listen to the people who just want to flame you for doing this and or complain about it. This is a good thing and one can only hope that it helps the forum.

 

How can you say that I fail? I'm not flaming him! Especially when I'm trying to make a point. You shouldn't get involved.

[Guest Tainted Black]

Really? Because Rinne said you WERE Flaming in PM. So, get out.

[Kōsuke Ueki]

Fine. Be that way. Because I don't need this. You keep making pointless comments and questions and all that crap. Wait until Crab makes a review of you. I'd like to see what she has in store for this.

[Guest Tainted Black]

I'm sorry, I'm not here to give a flying frick what Crab thinks, I'm here to point out issues. You keep insulting me, saying I make 'pointless comments', but I see what you're trying to do... I got a better response than your bomb, so you go on the attack. Not cool, dude.

[The Warden]

If ya don't mind, I kinda prefer it if my 'H' is capitalised thank you. Now, I guess I'll just wait for this. I deserve a laugh.

[Guest Merciful Idiot]

Your avi suggests the silent and quiet type. But you're more like an evil insane maniac. When did this thread pop up anyway?

 

Also, sometimes people have to limit things as they are, for everyone to understand. I debated with myself whether I should use 'a galaxy far far away' or a world. Well, there was that one world in BBS which is basically space with a spaceship, so I figured it was similar, and I made 'a galaxy far far away' thing as a world. I mean, not all FF characters came from their respective FF Universes, amirite?

 

And don't you think you should at least mention something of this sort before/after/during that special of yours?

 

Also, I made those Star Wars characters because I had an attachment to Yxre from a previous KH RP. Yxre was a Sith who became a Nobody and then joined the new Organization XIII. So.....yeah.

 

Either the above, or I was just in a hurry.

[Guest Tainted Black]

All FF characters have the same relationships, except for Yuufie. They are all from Hollow Bastion, except Cloud and Sephiroth who fight through the worlds, and then get sent to another dimension.

 

Also, I repeat, I mean no personal insult. See disclaimer. I'm just trying to point out the flaws in the RPs here. I will also have improvements up soon.

[Guest Merciful Idiot]

Improvements are coolio.

[Dad]

Yes, they do. In the first one I mentioned the Horrible Grammar. But, more-so, I'm looking at the quality of the RP, then the quality of text. I'm Judging the RP, not so much it's maker.

 

Then let me ask you this: do you have spell checker enabled on your browser? And by the way, "Horrible Grammar" shouldn't be capitalized. It's not a proper noun. So before you go reviewing other's role-plays and telling them what they've done wrong, get your own s*** straight.

[Guest Tainted Black]

I know it should not be capitalized, but I get trigger happy.

 

Also, I sometimes mess up, but in general I have good grammar and spelling.

 

EDIT: BTW, I just used Spellcheck on my first post. 3 errors out of all that. Not much. And 2 in my improvements post.

 

EDIT2: Two more improvements done. TDYCM had very little to tell, and Merciful's app was not quite as bad as I initially thought... it still has work to be done though, rest assured.

[Prince of Tennis]

Wow, Black you really outdone yourself here!

 

I loved all the reviews, (I have to say, I lol'd). More importantly, I really don't see the why you had to put the "improvement" section, because I thought what you said in the reviews led ways to "improvement" anyways

 

So much better than Foe Fiction :) (I don't remember me ever even smiling in the FEW I read...)

[Guest Tainted Black]

Thanks =D

 

I updated the improvements post too.

[Mr.WHAM]

So...Black...Eh did you review any of the RPs, Shadow Requested...I asked b/c my inherent Pride for my Demensia is brewing in my pants to the point where I can' barely stand it. And I am not Prideful about many things, but I am about that RP...idk why.

 

Any ways, My criticism for the RP section is this:

A good Rp would be one that you would sit and spend time reading, even though your not taking place in it. Would I do that with many of the Rps in this section? No. There are a few that I would but not too many. Not like when I first joined YCM and saw Jazeth going crazy in Cursed Heart or When Shadow went nutso in an RP one of his several times. This section needs improvement. Which also means there needs to be someone to help out the RPers.

 

An RP plot can be unoriginal, but its the people who take place in it that make it good or not.

EX: A naruto rp with ppl who know nothing about Naruto.

 

Anyways, If I think your a good RPer, You'll know. If I think you have potential, you'll know. If I think your RP sucks, I'll make suggestions on possible improvements.

 

But Black what you are doing is kinda like that except its more entertaining to read....

 

5 stars on this thread....

 

*Eye Of the Storm~ Bullet For My Valentine plays in background*

 

Now continue!

[Guest Tainted Black]

Thank you ^-^

 

As I said, I will get there in time. I'm working on Broken's thread, then I'm doing one by Jake the Sage, and then Shadow.

[Mr.WHAM]

YaY! ....

 

And speaking of Demensia....

 

 

Where IS shadow... and the rest of the moderatley Good RP world?

[The Warden]

I'm glad to see that I have earned your seal of approval for this Black. I was mulling it over whether I'd get praise or a beating. Glad to see it was the former, also, nice catch on how bios are superfluous.

 

To be honest, not into RP samples, it wouldn't matter anyways. I prefer first-come-first-served, that's how I got the male Bishops ^_^

 

PS, how are you able to change the title of the thread?