The Pub at the Edge of the Multiverse ~ Fanfiction Public Planning Thread

[Catterjune]

Pika, I still remember when you first posted that idea and when your name still was PikaPerson01. I still believe you should go through on it.

 

I also remember critiquing your Ghost Detective series, but let's not dwell on that, because I officially suck at critiquing.

I actually started posting that (link in the sig. Four out of six chapters are up.)

 

/shameless whoring

 

Do you have any sort of overreaching plotline for the story besides "casual dueling"? Right now, it just seems like it would turn out to be a bunch of unconnected duels and/or events. Maybe you could ground it in real life, since you want to keep it realistic. Just something that ties the story together.

Honestly, there isn't any real reason to keep reading, and it IS a bunch of unconnected events (we never see them duel on camera). Mostly, the chapters are episodic. Their ultimate goal is to get a little better each time, I guess.

 

So, I also have my own idea for a original story (or as original I can get, which is not really close) about a future in which aliens have invaded the Earth.

It sounds like the plot of the Left 4 Dead games, but kind of... needlessly complicated.

 

There's aliens that put brain something that makes people zombies. Why are they doing this? What do the aliens have to gain from this? If they want slaves or something... they already control about 99% of the world's population. Isn't that enough? Just beam the current slave population onboard your ship and get them back home so they can build your pyramids or whatever. If the aliens are looking to straight up murder everyone... why not just straight up murder everyone instead of some stupid brain zombie thing?

 

Also, what kind of mind control is it that would make humans be zombies? Why not use brain control to make them act as normal as possible, infiltrate their society, then murder their asses?

 

tl;dr - Why not just cut out the middleman and make them straight up zombies? Why are their zombies? Doesn't matter. Voodoo curse, explosion at the pharmacy, nanobots, radioactive super virus, who cares? There are just zombies, and our protagonists have to traverse the town and make it to where they assume freedom is?=.

[Quiksilver]

Zombies was the wrong term for me to use. I meant it more to describe the humans as brainless, not so much brain-hungry. They're basically mindless, controlled laborers and workers who construct buildings and crap for the aliens. There is no "quiet" option so that they could infiltrate society; you can quite clearly tell when a human is enslaved. That also ties into what the aliens want; to basically colonize Earth, turn it into their second home. They're wannabe dictators with perfect enslaving technology and a tendency to kill those who don't go quietly. Of course, their motives are a bit more complicated than that, but right now that's how the free humans see them as.

 

The main threat is the aliens themselves, along with their futuristic ships and guns. They're the ones who gun down humans, not the enslaved humans themselves. They patrol the grounds around the city and are basically hemming the humans in, who have only been able to survive as long as they can right now because they live underground in the old subway tunnels, which prevent the aliens from bringing in their giant mechs and spaceships. The humans are basically looking for the weak link in their chain so they can make a break for it - if the sanctuary they seek even exists. I made it sound pretty definite in my last post, but the human stronghold in the Northwest is pretty conflicted among the New York group, and nobody truly knows if it exists. Which means trying to flee to it would be taking a very big chance indeed...

[.Rai]

I'm actually quite happy with this since this is the first time I've actually properly planned out a fan-fic. *Trying* to implement some crazy stuff in there. Especially the random time travel there, which is unnecessary but great fun for getting rid of a person without doing the standard 'kill off' method.

 

[spoiler=Just because I've actually written out the plot, not a blurb, here's a convenient spoiler]Arc I: React (Main backstory, character fleshing out, introduction of the third clan, the main 'quest' begins, the party encounter a minimal number of the third clan)

 

- Set in feudal Japan, cite Sengoku period for research.

- Starts as a war between 2 feuding clans.

- Main protagonist is from 1 of the clans. He meets a member from the other clan who's against the war, who turns out to be a person met later in the plot, who reveals some information that convinces the protagonist to be against the war also (most likely some info on the war must be stopped because of the fabled third clan taking the chance made by the chaos of the war to ultimately control the land. The revelation of a third clan nearly convinces the protagonist). However, the protagonist is very suspicious of this story, and ignores the person who swiftly disappears.

- The sudden appearance of a mysterious member, claiming to be from a third clan confirms its presence and the protagonist challenges him in order to siphon information from him. A few others in his presence join him on his quest to stop this war, and find out about the mysterious third party.

- The person met later in the plot joins the protagonist's party for a short amount of time, but concludes his alliance in order to go back in time (via a device yet confirmed) to be the person to convince the protagonist of the third clan's existence.

- Later in the plot, the person met later in the plot comes in contact with another man, hidden under cloak, and shows him the device that sends him back in time, and convinces him to go back in time to tell the protagonist that. The person under cloak is actually the person met later in the plot himself, after he was sent back in time and independently figured out that he had to hide himself in order to trigger these events.

 

Arc II: Rewind (Prologue, flashbacks)

 

- Long ago, two clans under a mutual pact of peace got hold of a prophecy by accident, which told the future of the clans and predicted a great, long war between them. The prophecy was, however, incomplete, and did not tell of the fate of either. The clans simply assumed the prophecy was written without this information. Under their pact, the prophecy was open access to both clans. However, the other part of the prophecy was in the possession of a secretive third clan, scanning and researching that part of the prophecy to find clues on what would become of the war. They found out that neither clan would win, but an allegiance of long lost kinship would win the war. This third clan assumed it was them, and started to stir up things between the two other clans. Both of the other clans were eventually led to believe that the other clan stole the prophecy after its sudden disappearance, when the third clan had actually took it for themselves. The two clans totally ruined their pact of peace and declared war on each other. The war didn't not last long as the chaos of the war unearthed the secret third clan whose plans were revealed (but they managed to preserve their part of the prophecy for themselves) Peace once again flourished between the clans.

- A little while later, the remnants of the third clan tried to cause chaos once again via invading both clans in a full frontal invasion. The inevitable happened, and the third clan failed from sheer lack in numbers. However, the clans grow less fond of each other because of the chaos happening mutually linked between the clans. The two clans found the third clan's piece of the prophecy. Seeing that a 'long lost kinship' would win the war, the clans immediately became extremely wary of themselves, rising groups and the their opposing clan.

- The emperor of one of the clans suddenly died of a mystery outbreak of disease. Naturally, the other clan was blamed for the outbreak and war broke out once again between the two clans. With the third clan basically banished to another land now for its treason of the peace, they could have not been blamed, so the war saw absolutely no visible end. The prophecy, one part ripped from the original by each clan was now in utter pieces. Over time, the other clan's respective part of the prophecy was forgotten. As was the whole run-in with the third clan. One clan took the part that revealed information of this long lost kinship, the other taking the part revealing details about the war itself. Both sides were now extremely offensive. The clan with info on the war followed the prophecy's hints, clueless of the other part. The clan with the info on a long lost kinship wished to win the war as fast as possible to try to defy this prophecy. This war carries on into the protagonist's era, who is from the group with the part of the prophecy with information on the war (and is therefore unaware of the other part of the prophecy completely).

 

Arc III: Replay (The third clan are revealed in full, and their motives. The party move forwards to figure out more of their plan, and trying to stop their motives. The ancient prophecy, with small bits being held by each of the three clans, reveals more about the protagonist himself and his greater role in this [at least, in a later arc anyway. In this arc, the complete prophecy is simply revealed - the three clans and the protagonist's party all have false misconceptions about it]. This happens after a raid on both clans from the third clan, who steal back both parts of the prophecy. This is when the protagonist's party gatecrash the third clan's fortress.)

 

???

 

 

Most likely gonna be called YGO Convergence.

[Kōsuke Ueki]

Reading over your summary all I can think of is one word. What?

 

... I mean, not trying to be rude, and I guess I don't understand anything about crime or whatever since the only crime-related show I watch is CSI but...

 

 

This sentence would probably be more helpful if I new what BAU and NCIS did.

 

 

As I said earlier, I don't know much about FBI or whatever, but I just kind of figured known aliases, gender, age, and information of the crime was pretty much standard fair.

 

"We're looking for a Jaime O'Brien."

"Is that a man or a woman?"

"Sorry bud, we're not UAIU. (Speaking into walkie-talkie) Liutenant, we request information on the gender of Jaime O'Brien."

 

I dunno. I just... don't see how this is any different from any whatever random cop drama. If anything, it's only served to confuse me more. Just what is they're investigating? And do NCIS or BAU or whoever really not have something as simple as a criminal's age and gender?

 

 

Why? I mean... sure that may be how things are honestly done in real life (again, I'm ignorant about the world of crime here) but that sounds like it would lead to a really confusing and boring and bad storyline.

 

As I said earlier, CSI is the only cop drama I watch (and I barely watch it anymore) and there usually the same 6 man band. They investigate and gather evidence with field work, process evidence in labs, and conduct the interrogations. And yeah, those three jobs are IRL handled by three different people but... it's more difficult to follow a case this way, and more bloated if it had to be a team of 18 people.

 

It's the classic First Law of Metafictional Thermodyanamics. When you add a character or setting, the plot slows down to accomodate them and give them a proper introduction. When you remove characters, the plot speeds up. In any case, I'd much prefer a speedy plot where things get done over a slow one where very little happens between chapters. I mean, not that I doubt your ability to produce a quality story, but let's be realistic. Of the hundreds, possibly thousands of stories in the section, how many do you think honestly got to the end?

 

Basically, I think a 5 man team, would be difficult, but doable. A 5-team-team would be ridiculous and terribly slow paced.

 

 

The whole entire thing just sound so patently ridiculous I can hardly even comprehend it. I mean, I dunno you set them up to be super police officers, and then completely dismantle it by saying they lost two whole divisions. They literally lost 2/5th of their team, a little bit under half of their squad. The people they saw every single day at work, their friends and colleagues. They went to weddings, birthday parties, to baseball games together, knew each others family (that's how tight people who risk their lives in that line of work typically get) and most likely got along for the past 15 years. Then all of a sudden, not only do they assume it to be a cold case and no evidence or anything, but they up and FORGOT what the team did. Really? That's just ridiculous. And not one person was training to be Team O or Team U's replacement? None of them were a day away from retirement, with an eager young replacement at the ready? There were no wide eyed kids in college excited to join U-team one day? They couldn't speak with O-Comamnder's wife and ask her if she ever told him what she does for a living? Like... these guys were heroes and you forgot them in less time then they've existed. That's just like... beyond stupid, it's tragic.

 

The current plot of the present time contradicts with the disappearances.

 

In any case, I don't even know what Teams A, E, and I do come to think of it.

 

I'm shocked you don't really know that much about Forensics, or the fact I basically just pointed out what they did.

 

Team A solves cases,

 

Yes, most of them when nothing leads to a roadblock into the case.

 

Team E solves cases, except they have specific information about the case (meaning Team A does not?)

 

Technically, yes, but only when called in to support Team A. Team A doesn't have the requirements to access government files, neither do the other teams.

 

and Team I solves cases, but does it because they're less terrible at evidence gathering.

 

Well, no actually. They also support Team A when an actual roadblock in the case regarding lack of evidence is imminent.

 

... So A is the "best" team, even though they lack information (unlike Team E) and they lack evidence gathering skills (like Team I).

 

I think the word "Best" was the wrong word to say. I meant to say, on average, Team A is seen in all investigations, leading on with the average means of handling the crime scene (similar to CSI).

 

What? Why not send Team I in first, all the time?

 

Look above. Team A is the one to be sent in first for what is visible at a crime scene, and handle what can be done by them. When some evidence doesn't add up, Team I is sent in to look over anything that was collected at the crime scene to see if there is anything that Team A missed. And if there is anything that comes up that fits the gaps in the puzzle, it is also evaluated. Plus, any suspects previously interrogated will be interrogated again to make sure whether or not any of the suspects can fill some more holes in the gaps of the puzzles.

 

Minor nitpick: Did you mean A, E, and I? Or did you mean that there's now a Team A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H and I?

 

I meant A, E, and I. I wasn't paying attention and put A, B, and C instead. I don't know how I missed that.

 

Basically... two biggest problems in your story:

 

a) The teams aren't all that well defined in what they specialize in. Hell, the whole A-E-I-O-U (and sometimes Y) seems poorly developed, from what I can tell. It doesn't contribute much to the story, and making it a local precinct thing in a small town would almost surely work better.

 

It was only a prototype idea in which I typed up so that I know what to change. And besides, most of this stuff I had to type on the spot, and it didn't give me any room to think about what I was going to type.

 

B) It sounds like to me this could end up as something with lots-and-lots of characters, so I'd advice you avoid that like the plague.

 

The highest I will go as to characters is 6 or 9 (Depending on how I wish to go with this.). I'm leaning over more to 6, since that makes more room for character development. Besides, Criminal Minds has 7 characters. I'm making it 6 so that 2 members each had a specific talent from the 3 squads.

 

In my opinion.

 

And you're entitled to it. But like I said, this was something that I wanted people to see so that I can see what I need to change. This is my first time making a crime investigation story, so give me a break. I had the idea because I wanted to see the CIA be the main focus for once. Not the FBI or federal agents (Although federal agents was a nice idea of being a main focus.). I'm just trying to point out the CIA does not belong in the sidelines, and they deserve to have their chance to shine. I know eventually that someone will do something of the sort, but being patient can easily be a b*tch at times. So I'm stepping in to pass time a little bit easier.

TSA, what are the investigation groups? The vowels you said, but then you went on to list A, B, and C, like Hatcher mentioned.

 

Again, it was a typo. I still wished I noticed it.

 

Unlike my fellow reviewer here, I am an avid crime show fan. I've watched NCIS and CSI many a time.

 

Well, at least I know who I can talk to for advice and ideas when I actually post this story.

 

Anyways, how are the groups different from an "ordinary" crime investigation team, besides being part of the CIA? I once again redirect you to Pika, where he (she?) mentioned that the things you mention, ordinary cops do as well. There's nothing that really makes them stand out, other than they're specialized.

 

I'm still working on that. If you could help me, I'd appreciate it.

 

The disappearing groups thing also sounds ridiculous.

 

Well, it's a work-in-progress that I wanted to point out so that when people read my story, they'll be able to think about what was mentioned and be able to remember that something of the sort is going to happen.

 

It's creepy and conspiracy-worthy when an entire team disappears (what happened? Is it related to the case they were working on?)

 

Actually, there were no cases for the entire week up until April 3. Sorry for not mentioning that. Plus, it's somewhat of a plot point that connects to the present time (I won't say exactly how).

 

but it gets borderline ridiculous when everyone just "forgets" about them, has no idea what they doing while they were working. I also dislike how it was two entire teams instead of just one - I mean, abducting one teams sounds like it would barely be accomplished, but two?

 

Well, the part about everybody forgetting them was a bit of a stretch, since that's not entirely true. Actually, the loved ones (Families, husbands/wives, friends (minus the other teams), etc.) were the ones who never forgot about what happened. However, after waiting for so long (up to New Years 2000), they all decided to move on. My apologies for messing up on what I said.

 

The disappearance seems like it could be a good idea, if not exactly meshing with the super-cop idea,

 

Oh, God no. I'm keeping this from being anything to do with Super Cops or anything science fiction related. Like I said, there will be a special plot point involving the incident, but it's on a need-to-know basis.

 

but not if everything just settles back to normal with nobody caring what happened to these two teams.

 

Look back at my reply at your opinion about the disappearance.

 

Also, it's spelled tertiary.

 

Thank you. At least I was close.

 

I thank you both for your opinions.

[Catterjune]

The current plot of the present time contradicts with the disappearances.

... Is English not your first language?

 

I'm shocked you don't really know that much about Forensics, or the fact I basically just pointed out what they did.

All I know is whatever small bit of basics I learned from CSI, just blood and DNA and stuff like that. I know enough to know you can't get a license plate from 4 pixels, and that other 'enhance' features like that don't work.

 

But anyway, it doesn't seem I'm the only one who doesn't know the distinction between Team A, E, and I. You later go on to say:

 

Team A is the one to be sent in first for what is visible at a crime scene, and handle what can be done by them. When some evidence doesn't add up, Team I is sent in to look over anything that was collected at the crime scene to see if there is anything that Team A missed. And if there is anything that comes up that fits the gaps in the puzzle, it is also evaluated. Plus, any suspects previously interrogated will be interrogated again to make sure whether or not any of the suspects can fill some more holes in the gaps of the puzzles.

Again, it's just "Team A looks at the crime scene. Team I looks at the crime scene again". From what you've explained Team A and I aren't distinct except in that one actually gets stuff done.

 

Team A doesn't have the requirements to access government files, neither do the other teams.

Wouldn't it make much more sense to give Team A or Team I access to government files and fire everyone on Team E? If the one thing that makes them unique is something so inconsequential I don't see how any high ranking FBI guy wouldn't see the enormous bureaucratic paper work involved and see an entire division that only serves as an unnecessary middleman.

 

I think the word "Best" was the wrong word to say. I meant to say, on average, Team A is seen in all investigations, leading on with the average means of handling the crime scene (similar to CSI).

Why are they on the scene first, when Team I does it much better then they do? Your argument when I asked this the first time was: "Team A is the one to be sent in first for what is visible at a crime scene," But that's just telling me what I already know. Why are they first? I already know that they are sent first, the question is why.

 

It was only a prototype idea in which I typed up so that I know what to change. And besides, most of this stuff I had to type on the spot, and it didn't give me any room to think about what I was going to type.

Don't make excuses and get all defensive. That's why it's a public fanfic discussion planning thread.

 

And you're entitled to it. But like I said, this was something that I wanted people to see so that I can see what I need to change. This is my first time making a crime investigation story, so give me a break.

Yeah, I know this is something you wanted people to see so they could tell you what you need to change. That's why I told you what you needed to change.

 

I had the idea because I wanted to see the CIA be the main focus for once. Not the FBI or federal agents (Although federal agents was a nice idea of being a main focus.). I'm just trying to point out the CIA does not belong in the sidelines, and they deserve to have their chance to shine. I know eventually that someone will do something of the sort, but being patient can easily be a b*tch at times. So I'm stepping in to pass time a little bit easier.

As I said from earlier, I don't know what makes the CIA distinct from the FBI or other federal agents, and your plot doesn't make it any clearer to me either.

 

Oh, God no. I'm keeping this from being anything to do with Super Cops or anything science fiction related.

I assume he's using it in the same context as I did. If he's not, my apologies.

 

The term super cops doesn't mean cops with super powers. It means a law enforcer who goes above and beyond what you would expect. Like, Jack Bauer, Sherlock Holmes, Agent 007, all rolled into one. The best of the best of the best. People who are just that good! I mean, you might expect something like a small hick town in Nebraska or something with tons of inept cops to lose half their team and forget about them, but when you're talking about a super squad of elite crime fighters it just breaks the willful suspension of disbelief.

 

Maybe if the story was a week after it happened that plot might work, but 15 years after the fact and no one stepped up to O and U? Gimme a break.

[Castle Black]

Okay I was thinking about this as an idea for a fan-fic and I want to see if anyone would take interest in the idea.

 

So it is going to be a POV story with prob 3 or 4 characters that I will switch between on chapters so there can be a full spectrum of the plot. Well here it is.

 

The time period is 2040 in a country (haven't thought of the name for it yet), and The government of the country has become extremely corrupt. They make laws that only favor those who support them, and they use fear as a way to control the lower and middle class. So this story will be based on different stories of 4 people and those whose become mixed up in their stories.

 

One of the characters will be a Senator who is apart of the corrupt government. His story will show how he learns of certain acts by the government and how his loyalties will be put to the test by the power he works for.

 

The second character will be a middle class citizen who is trying to make his way up in the world to where he can be in the upper class so he will be able to feel safe when he goes to sleep each night.

 

The third will be a man in the lower class who is trying to make people understand what is going on in their country, but few will listen. While he is traveling around the country trying to get people to listen he meets up with the 4th POV character the female leader of a Secret Society who are trying to topple the government.

 

That is just a basic layout if people think it would be an interesting read I might actually write it.

[Catterjune]

I'm writing a Duel Academy story, but... kind of differently?

 

For anyone who knows me or who has spoke to me before, you know that really crappy bullshit overly colloquial way I talk when I'm in a rush to spit out a story and trying to summarize things? That's pretty much exactly how the story is written.

 

The entire first school year is covered in the first 3 chapters. No dialogue, no real mention of what deck type anyone runs, no duels (of course). Just 4 years at duel academy summarized into a 12 chapter story.

 

It's meant to be comedic, but I'm not sure how humorous it is. =\

[Cozmosus]

I'm having a fun little challenge with a friend about zombie stories, and have attempted to make a very original zombie story.

 

In this story, a god of death (still to be named) breaks free from his prison after 1000 years. He decides that he needs to get revenge on the race of people that imprisoned him. That race is humans. After 1000 years, his powers are still weak, and there are few things he can do. One of his few remaining powers is the ability to create souls. But these souls are not proper souls, these are empty souls, with no personality and an intense hunger for human souls. They wander the Earth, invisible to the human eye. The Empty Souls have the parasitic trait that makes them take over a dead body, and live inside of it until it is forcefully separated. Empty Souls will also instantaneously heal any injuries made to the body.

 

All of the dead and buried rise up from their graves to reek havoc among the humans. The world is not ready for this attack, and humans are quickly overcome by the zombies.

 

The main character, a 21 year old male awakens from a long rest. I don't want to spoil some of my plot twists, so I will be sparing on the details. He wakes in a department store, dead bodies surrounding him. He has no recollection of his life, nor does he know of what has recently happened. Soon, the dead bodies come alive as ordinary zombies (the ones that stagger about moaning braaaaains) and he is scared. He runs away through the store seeing more zombies. He soon gets to a gardening store and uses supplies he finds there as weapons.

 

Eventually he finds a person who takes him to a group of people (or something along those lines, I'm going to think of that later) and they band together and begin some sort of adventure.

 

More characters to introduce are a skinny, soft spoken priest, a burly muscular cop, a clever scientist, and the main character's high school crush. He will not remember his crush at first, but will eventually remember.

 

A few things about my zombies:

 

List of Zombies

 

Zombie-Average, and most commonly seen zombie. These zombies walk slowly, arms outstretched, and have brittle body's and limbs that fall apart easily. They have pure white eyes and sickly green and rotten flesh. They hunger for human souls, and will never attack other zombies. These zombies are easily killed if sustaining heavy damage to the head from a gold weapon. There is no way to kill a zombie otherwise. Zombies are corpses of the previously dead that are reanimated when they absorb a zombie soul. When a zombie consumes the soul of a human, the resulting corpse may be filled with a zombie soul, and will begin walking with the undead, and will look like they did when they died, but will be a pale white, unlike the already rotting zombies. 

 

Human Zombies-On very rare occasions, a zombie will keep its awareness and coherency upon turning. The human zombie will be aware that it's a zombie, but will still be filled with a hunger for human souls. They will attack humans with weapons and will be more strategic about killing the humans. Some human zombies will deny the fact that they've even died, and sometimes a human zombie will keep it's humanity as the human soul and blank soul are trapped together in the same body. The human zombie will have the mind and emotions of a human, but the physical form and abilities of a zombie. 

 

Horde Zombies-These zombies are exactly like normal zombies, but instead of reattaching decapitated limbs and healing, they will regenerate their body parts, along with the body part generating a new zombie. This can lead to a swarm of zombies if they are not killed quickly.

 

Valkyries-These zombies are human zombies that have consumed such a large amount of souls that their own souls have expanded, and the spiritual energy leaks out. Valkyries can harness the surplus energy for attacks. Most of the time, the energy will be flowing from its back in the form of wings.

 

Speeders-These zombies are five times as fast as normal zombies, and as aggressive as they are fast. They will run after any human they see and tear them apart. Speeders have longer and sharper nails and teeth, used to kill all humans they find.

 

Tanks-These zombies have grown a thick hide over their body, making it harder to kill, or even damage. They are lumbering and slow, and easy to escape, but they are very strong, and can kill a human with one swing of the arm.

 

Well, that's what I have for my ideas so far, I wanted to see how good this idea was before writing.

[Phantom Roxas]

I'm writing a Duel Academy story, but... kind of differently?

 

For anyone who knows me or who has spoke to me before, you know that really crappy bullshit overly colloquial way I talk when I'm in a rush to spit out a story and trying to summarize things? That's pretty much exactly how the story is written.

 

The entire first school year is covered in the first 3 chapters. No dialogue, no real mention of what deck type anyone runs, no duels (of course). Just 4 years at duel academy summarized into a 12 chapter story.

 

It's meant to be comedic, but I'm not sure how humorous it is. =\

 

Exactly how would the narration work? Right now it just sounds like a history book of Duel Academy story. Sure, it could probably work as a comedy, but why bother telling a condensed story? The only thing I could see coming out of that is that it could be a critique of standard Duel Academy stories.

[Catterjune]

Exactly how would the narration work? Right now it just sounds like a history book of Duel Academy story. Sure, it could probably work as a comedy, but why bother telling a condensed story? The only thing I could see coming out of that is that it could be a critique of standard Duel Academy stories.

Re: Narration - Works exactly like you'd expect narration to work. Imagine someone telling you the story of GX, explaining it to you like a child, like you've never seen it before (but were somewhat familiar with Yu-Gi-Oh).

 

"So there's this guy named Jaden. He's late for a test to decide whether he enters Duel Academy. He meets some jerk professor named Crowler who dislikes him and doesn't want him to enter the academy. Crowler uses his best deck against Jaden in a duel, but Jaden manages to beat him. Ultimately though, Jaden begins in Slifer Red, the lowest dorm at the academy."

 

Like that, but significantly longer, and probably more story-like. It's just a long running exposition.

 

Re: Why bother? - As I mentioned a hundred different times, I hate long stories, especially ones that take forever to get to the story. If the opening of a Yu-Gi-Oh fic is an inconsequential duel I'm gonna naturally assume all duels are inconsequential and stop reading.

 

Re: Critique - It's about 70% critique and 30% actually-trying-to-tell-an-"original"-story.

[Resident Fascist]

Considering writing a really short Yugioh fic of a Tournement consisting of 12 Duels, but I don't know how to do it without the characters constantly speaking.

[Randomflyingobjects]

Even though I'm new, I had an idea for a fanfic, and I want to know what you all think.

 

So my character has this bad luck streak, along with his title of a terrible duelist. Even with a great deck, he never wins duels.

 

The main plot would tie in with all those plots on the shows... except with a bunch of twists. My character always winds up on the reverse side of things, like instead of winning the duel to gain access to Duel Acadame, he loses, but luckily, his friend finds a way to sneak him in. So my character winds up dueling all these other students while avoiding the teachers...

 

What do you all think about my idea?

[Catterjune]

Re: Zombies -

 

Not a fan of zombies with a supernatural vibe to them. And yes, I'm aware that zombies were originally supernatural entitites, revived by necromancers and w/e before Night of the Living Dead. But vampires used to be smelly rabid animals before they were rich aristocrats in Dracula and that was a change for the better. Likewise I think downplaying supernatural entitites was a good step for the Zombie mythology, and the 'infected' version of zombies (from 28 Days Later and onward) was the best version...

 

But I digress.

 

Truth be told, it reads like 'just another zombie story, except [supernatural bits]', and the supernatural bits are terrible. All that stuff about 'souls and spirits and gods of death' just seem needlessly stupid IMO.

 

 

Re: Really short Yu-Gi-Oh fic of a Tournament of 12 duels

 

That sounds like a bad idea. And here's why!

 

If no one knows anything about any of the characters, no one is gonna care. It's the reason why this is fun to look at:

 

 

But for the most part, you won't care who wins since you have no emotional investment into either of the two men fighting outside of superficial reasons like, he wears black and black is my favourite colour.

 

That's why even a bad scene like Obi Wan and Qui Gonn versus Darth Maul could get you pumped more and feel more then the above one. You're just creating a spectacle for spectacle's sake.

 

And even if is your goal just to create something that looks cool, you gotta remember that writing is not a visual medium, so describing something that looks cool and showing some cool happen are completely different things.

 

 

Re: Unluck Guy

 

It sounds like it might interesting, if done right. If he wins all his duels and takes out the big evil monster at the end, it sounds ridiculous that he wouldn't be admitted to the academy at that point. Like how Jaden still being in Slifer Red despite his ridiculous adventures and the fact that he saved the academy and the world itself about 4 or 5 times.

 

Maybe if all of Captain Luckless's adventures were really under the radar it could work. Like... there's a plague that threatens the world and once Luckless loses, it is unleashed on the world (and no one except him and his friends know of it).

 

Basically: If he wins and everyone finds out and he's still not allowed in the academy, it's gonna be ridiculous and break the willful suspension of disbelief.

 

If he wins and everyone finds out and he's allowed into the academy, it's just gonna be GX-Part 2.

 

If he loses and the world ends... gg.

 

Having him win and having him keep stuff a secret would be the best way to go.

[Randomflyingobjects]

My character will, in fact, keep himself quiet. And he never actually gains admission to duel acadamy. Still, I'm pretty sure that the whole stuff about him stowing away at Duel Academy will grow old after some time, so I'm thinking that Season 2 will have the same characters, different plot, but the whole thing adding up to something bigger than even Exodia...

 

But this is still all a bunch of ideas, so none of this is entirely set in stone.

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

Zombie World: Sounds like bog standard zombie apocolypse sort of thing.

 

Would hope for better description in future than 'clever scientist' or 'burly cop'. As a scientist I would kind of like to hope he is clever, and not at all stereotypically type cast. There is a doctor of a scientific field in my next fanfic, and I think he's the second tallest guy out of the 30+ characters so far and physically quite broad too, and is considering his role pretty laid back compared to your typical 'fanfic scientist'.

 

Creating a list of monsters looks cool on paper and stuff, but spending the time creating and expanding your main characters (the ones capable of coherent thought and speech) would be better.

 

 

Duel Tournament: As long as history and backstory of characters are explained to make people split as to who they want to win, then having a tournament when the winner is not garunteed to be an obvious 'yusei/jaden' style lead would... still not be that interesting.

 

It's just dueling for the sake of dueling and prize money... not card games for the fate of the world! (which sounds and is kinda ridiculous, but you know what I mean. Millions of lives at stake is infinately more adrenaline enducing than millions of pounds)

 

 

Lucky Streak: The most interesting idea, the whole loser on the surface but unsung hero and shiz, or misadventures of someone who just can't seem to catch a break in life. Has options I guess. Plus it's nice to see lead characters lose occasionally, as I've learnt the hard way.

 

Good to see new members coming up with ideas as well.

 

[spoiler=..............................]

I'm scared...

 

They're coming after me...

 

They're going to endanger everyone in my world...

 

I can't stop them... I don't know what to do...

 

Help me....

 

T H E C O U N T D O W N D R A W S C L O S E R

 

11:15:23:30... 11:15:23:29... 11:15:23:28...

 

 

[Thar]

Whatever happened to that WWE fic that was written about 3 years ago? I remember applying a character to that fic thinking it would show up in it, but so much time has passed and I can't seem to find it.

 

But has anyone ever thought of writing a fic that relates to WWE?

[Kōsuke Ueki]

Okay, I know this seems ridiculous, but I was actually thinking about making a Dragon Ball AF Fan Fic, AKA MY version of it. It will be very much the same as from what I have seen in YouTube (If any of you want me to link you to the videos, let me know via PM). The only difference is a few things:

1. Goku doesn't become Super Saiyan 5 until the second saga.
   
2. Throughout the whole series, custom characters I created based off of five of the promotional characters of Dragon Ball Online (All of which who have the exact same appearances and transformations shown in the video and in the game.) will be the main characters for the moment. They are part of an alternate universe, but because of a special plot point that becomes part of some sagas (which will allow my characters to come to the original Dragon Ball Universe), they will end up being the saviors or join the Z-Fighters to fight off the evil taking over.
   
3. The personalities of these characters will be similar to some of the Z-Fighters, including Goku, Piccolo, and Trunks, but with some alterations to make them their own selves.
   

Does anyone wish to hear the stories of the sagas I intend to do, or just the first saga?

[Resident Fascist]

So I decided to not write that Yugioh fic, simply because I'm starting a fiction for my TCG(In written cards). The story goes like this.

 

A failing student, known only as "Hero" Yes, that's his name. His actual name. Finds a Card on a River bridge whilst walking home after a test. After this, his life starts to change and he seems to get unfailing luck when he has the card with him. 5 Months later, he invents the Card-Drive System, which allows the card game known as "Realm of Beasts" to be played. He's also now a Multi-Billionare who owns like 90% of the planet. He later finds that others have recieved cards which causes him to go Insane, thinking that someone might be able to top him and steal his legacy. It's funny because the anti-hero is much more heroic than the protaganist.

 

I need to expand upon it a lot, and yes, it's a lot less focused upon card games. I need a few ideas. They still play card games, but not as often as Yugioh. And the characters take more logical routes to solve problems instead of "DERP, LET'S PLAY A CARD GAME"

[Kōsuke Ueki]

Hm. I'd say rename him Hiro instead, because "Hero" sounds like an alias to me. But, it's up to you.

[Resident Fascist]

As I said it'll be less focused on card games, and they don't play the card games with a motorcycle or anything. Card-Drives are somewhat like Duel Disks, Just they can be attached to tables and stuff. I'm thinking about a total of 32 Chapters, and after 16 chapters(I'll probably take like a month's break) and the characters will use different cards and so on. I already have done the decklists and what cards the characters will use. I'll put the draft prologue up once I've got the time.

 

 

~Prologue - Test Day~

It was a cold, winter morning. The sun had barely risen above the ground, and the ground was covered in thick, white snow. There was few clouds in the sky, and the sky was a murky ink colour. It was if, the world had chosen the most unsuitable conditions ever for this very day. Today was test day. The day Hero hated. He hated all the technical riff-raff of being quiet in class, and the thought of studying for a arbitrary test was considered a Forbidden Thing to him.

"Today is test day! Be sure to try your best!" Hero's Parents yelled down his ears with the sound that could break glass.

"Ok, fine. I will." Hero responded, caring more towards actually looking outside than actually bothering to respond properly. Rushing out the door and then running down the road to see what all the fuss was about.

"I'll won't take the usual route to school today. I think I'll go over the River Bridge to see what the river looks like when it's frozen." Hero thought to himself. The River Bridge was just over 15 Minutes away, the time was 8:41 and School hour was approaching. Hero, although a failing student: atleast made some effort to get to the place he despised on time. 8:50. The Bridge was just a moment's walk away. Hero stopped for a Minute to catch his breath on the bridge. The Frozen River seemed to no longer be a river, more like a massive chunk of ice that never defrosted. At that moment, something on the bridge caught his eye. A small, black retangular shape on the edge of the bridge. There was no snow around it, as if it was telling him to pick it up.

"What's this...? A Card...? I guess I'll keep it." He put the Card into his back pocket and rushed in the direction of his school. Today was the final test of the final year at high school, he didn't want to turn up late for it. He looked at his watch, and realised it was 9:05. He was late. By the time he had reached his school, it was 9:15. Yet, people where still sitting outside in the courtyard...

"I'm terribly sorry, we had to delay the time that the tests start by 15 Minutes due to the printer breaking. Hopefully, everything else should go smoothly so you can go home on time." The School's Chairman stated as he walked out into the Courtyard.

 

Some Hours later...12:42

 

"Hey, Hero! I guess you failed that test because you are terrible! Haha!" Taunting Words came from the School Bully. Rather than respond to his taunting, Hero simply walked away, Looking at the card he had found on the River Bridge that day. It couldn't be a coincidence that school was delayed by 15 Minutes, and he happened to turn up at the exact time that the printer broke... Could it? It was almost time to go home after the tests, of course: Hero wanted to peek at his results, even though they would probably turn out horrible.

 

14:31 - River Bridge

 

"What!? That's... Impossible!" After peeking at his results, Hero saw that he had got nearly every question right, and ended up scoring an A*, without even studying for the test. He quickly slid the Results sheet back into the envelope, just in case anyone saw him open it.

"Wait, boss! Isn't he that kid we where looking for? The one who just walked away from you while you where insulting him?" A voice was heard from the shadows underneath the bridge.

"I know you're there. Idiot." Hero said quietly, but loud enough for the Thugs underneath the bridge to hear.

"What? No way! No one can ever hear us from down here! Ok, might as well go for plan B!"

Suddenly, a Thug jumped up holding what appeared to be a Baseball Bat. He swung the bat with considerable force, enough to cause severe brain damage.

"Pfft." Hero Turned around and Grabbed the bat straight out of the thug's hands.

"What in the name of!? How the hell did you do that? Are you Psychic or something? Kid?" The Thug looked at where the Bat once was 5 Seconds ago, and looked at Hero in a state of disaray.

"Hey, you want your bat back? Ok. You can have it back!" Hero thrown the bat straight at the thug. Before the thug could realise what was going on, the bat had hit him in the face and knocked him headfirst into the frozen river. A distinct "Crack" Sound was heard. Hero looked over the Bridge to see that the Thug in question was now lying on the Ice, Knocked out. The other 3 Thugs that where hiding under the bridge fled from the scene extremely quickly.

 

Hero decided to stay at the Scene, just incase any authorities came along. From there, he would explain exactly what happened. To the most minute detail. While he waited for such an occurance, he looked at the card once more. Some writing had appeared on the card.

"Phalan-? Phalanx? What the hell is this thing? I know it's a card but it's so wierd...? How have I had unfailing luck... I don't get it..." Hero looked at his watch again. 4:53. In 7 or so minutes, there would be a patrol around the city, using this to his advantage he would be able to explain his situation. He thought of exactly what to say, in order to seem both Polite and informative. This process took 5 Minutes. He packed the card back into his bag and stood over the bridge, almost looking at the Thug that had been knocked out over an hour ago. By this time, a medium-height, Blonde Haired Man walked past.

"Hey, Kid. Do you know anything about what happened to him?"

"Well... It's a long story. So I was walking back from school and that Thug over there Attacked me while I was walking over the bridge. He must of lost his footing while climbing up the bridge."

"Ah, fine. We'll get him dealt with then."

"Thanks."

 

Hero walked away from the bridge, content with the result he had gotten. As he walked back, it was going dark. He was over 3 hours late...

 

 

 

more coming soon enough, sorta basic as it's first draft

[Catterjune]

Re: Dragon Ball Z fic.

 

Sounds really bad. If "it will be very much the same as from what [you] have seen in YouTube" why not just link to it and not write about it?

 

Re: Super Saiyan 5

What's the point of doing that? It'd be like if you were doing a Yu-Gi-Oh rewrite, but you made it so Yugi got Obelisk instead of Slifer (and Kaiba got Slifer instead of Obelisk). No real point in doing so, and Yugi ends up with all 3 gods anyway so what's the point of moving it back?

 

Re: Custom Characters

This is the part you should be focusing on. And since all my stuff is in Yu-Gi-Oh fan fic terms, it would be like writing a GX fic, exactly like GX, verbatim, until you got to some random point in the story and then jumped to another protagonist for a chapter or two before jumping back to Jaden. There's legit, no point in jumping characters to some other guy unless he contributes to the story and since it's a story that's already been told there's really no need to jump to this guy.

 

Re: Personalities

I have no idea what "The personalities of these characters will be similar to some of the Z-Fighters" means. It is a meaningless sentence until you elaborate further.

 

 

Re: TCG

So basically, not-Kaiba sucks, then he finds a card and he stops sucking and starts being Kaiba? Okay. Well... where's the tension in that? He was a stupid failure, and then he's a multi-billionaire who owns 90% of the world. There's not really any where else for him to go.

 

I'm not reading your prologue.

[Resident Fascist]

 

Re: TCG

So basically, not-Kaiba sucks, then he finds a card and he stops sucking and starts being Kaiba? Okay. Well... where's the tension in that? He was a stupid failure, and then he's a multi-billionaire who owns 90% of the world. There's not really any where else for him to go.

 

I'm not reading your prologue.

 

I'm no writer.

and the point is he fails when he hasn't got the card with him.

Help would be nice, though...?

[Thar]

I'm not sure whether or not I'm actually gonna write anything or not, but I feel the need to since I plan to write a book someday.

 

But my most recent idea is set in the desert (based off my nickname "Thar", which is a desert in the Middle East.) It is set back in the time of Shepherds and Pharaohs, but within the sands hides several portals to a parallel world consisting entirely of white sand and black mountainous terrain known as the Sands of Broken Souls, or Tamashii for short. Harnessed with the power to enter this realm are the shepherds, which in return gain a special ability known as Tamashii no Kyuushuu, which gives them the power to harness the energy of the sands and use them to grant the wishes of the Tamashii deity Zmaychi, the soul opposite of the Egyptian god Anubis and the founder of the Sands of Broken Souls.

 

The allegiance to Zmaychi is what the shepherds of this realm survive for, attending to his every spiritual need and earning their reward of spiritual gifts and respect. But while Zmaychi has power over this Realm, Anubis from the above world keeps watch and gives another class of power, the Pharaohs, the ability to enter the Realm and gather its power to bring order to the above world. Since Zmaychi is bound onto the world he rules, he fights back against his opposite by cursing the sands that connect the real world to the lost world and summons shape-shifting beasts, named Koma by the Pharaohs, that take the form of spiritually bound sand that takes the form of any intimidating beast depending on what the Pharaohs fear most.

 

...that pretty much sums up the concept. Haven't really strung up a plot yet, but I'm sure I'll come up with something. But what do you guys think of the idea? Would you read it?

[bury the year]

Now what in the world compels you to use Japanese words in an Egyptian/Mesopotamian setting? It boggles the mind.

[Thar]

Now what in the world compels you to use Japanese words in an Egyptian/Mesopotamian setting? It boggles the mind.

 

Well, cause the idea would be better executed in an anime style, imo.