The Pub at the Edge of the Multiverse ~ Fanfiction Public Planning Thread

[Phantom Roxas]

To elaborate on my last post about my fanfics, I decided quite some time ago to conform to the principle of Canon Welding, so the overarching title for the canon I am creating is called "The Shadow Multiverse", mostly because I can't come up with a better name. It's partially inspired by DC's New 52 (Which is actually quite sad), with multiple stories taking place in alternate universes. Here are the stories thus far.

 

• Yu-Gi-Oh! Destiny Chronicles - A while ago I tried to write a story called "Paths of Destiny". This title will instead be used for one of the three stories that make up Destiny Chronicles, which will be my second attempt at writing stories based on Eria, Gagagigo, Grepher, and Zera. Eria and Gagagigo's story will be called "Waves of Destiny", "Paths of Destiny" will focus on Warrior Dai Grepher, and "Quest of Destiny" (I couldn't come up with a better name, but I wanted the "of Destiny" part to be constant, which is why I went with "Destiny Chronicles") will focus on Warrior of Zera. Despite my canon's common use of alternate universes, this is meant to serve as the earliest series in the canon as well as a something that will have happened in every universe.

• Yu-Gi-Oh! Zodiac Cross - As said before, my zodiac themed Duel Academy fic. For the most part, it's supposed to be a "take that" against the average Duel Academy stories on this site.

• Digimon: Hopeless Paradise - I've decided that this will take place after Zodiac Cross, so these two stories will be contained to their own universe. Like before, it's a battle between the Royal Knights and the Seven Demon Lords, and humans are thrown into the Digital World and find themselves involved in the story. Those who recall the original story will know how horrible the pacing was, which is my biggest objective with this revamp. Most of the characters from the original story will return, namely the two warring factions, the children, and their partners.

• Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's: Crimson Rebirth - Following the trend of 5D's rewrites from a while ago. It should stick close to the source material at first, but I'll making more considerable differences as it goes on, such as the Sly subplot.

• Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal rewrite - I don't have a fancy subtitle for this as the moment, but it's basically Zexal with Shark as the main character. Yuma, his family, Tetsuo, and Takahashi won't be in the story. The premise should be the same, since I'll be keeping the Numbers plot, but it will be executed much differently. This and Crimson Rebirth belong in their own universe, but this universe is a lower priority than the other ones.

• Limits of Reality - First I'll be posting more matches in my tournament and wrap up Phantom's Divinations, but this is essentially the main story of The Shadow Multiverse. It's a crossover fanfic, but I'll be cutting down considerably on the number of franchises involved. Like the tournament, several universes have been fused together, and the many characters find themselves finding each other.

 

So yeah, this story is ambitious. Let's hope I can make it work. Chances are I'll be making a single thread for this so I don't overflow this section with each individual series.

[Dr. Cakey]

Crossover, huh?

 

Er, for Zera's story, maybe Sanctuary of Destiny or Herald of Destiny? Not sure exactly what you want to do with his story...particularly seeing as he has four 'boss' forms: Archlord Zerato, Darklord Zerato, Mazera DeVille, and the extremely rare and powerful Zera the Mant. I'm most looking forward to the 5D's and ZeXal rewrites.

 

I didn't stop my 5D's rewrite, I just...um...you know, I should take that out of my sig.

[Phantom Roxas]

I like to consider myself someone obsessed with works being given some kind of definitive form, and I really like the idea of Canon Welding. This mostly spun off from me wanting to write a proper story for the YGT.

 

Sanctuary of Destiny works considering his goal, but I feel that since he's going on a quest to the sanctuary, I might as well go with "Quest of Destiny" anyway. I'm well aware of his various boss forms, but I have an idea of how deal with them. Gagagigo's story is by far my favorite, which is why he's one of my favorite cards, so I'm mostly interested in his story. I'm writing about Grepher and Zera because they also have stories worth exploring, but Zera's is probably my least favorite of the three stories, and because of that, I don't think "Herald of Destiny" works, because I feel that implies Zera to be the primary protagonist of Destiny Chronicles, which I'm not going to do. For secondary characters, I'll also explore Marauding Captain's story in WoD and Goblin of Greed's in QoD, simply because of his status as a fiend opposite the somewhat religious personality I plan to give Zera.

 

I'm surprised you're most excited for the 5D's and Zexal rewrites. It's probably because I intend for those to be self-contained rather than a confusing crossover. I love 5D's, so I'm not sure about how to start Crimson Rebirth off, but I'm definitely interested in the Zexal rewrite. I was going to post that on another site, where my username is Arcadia, so I would have gone crazy with it and called it "Super Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal: Arcadia Edition", so for now I'm just calling it Sygozae for simplicity's sake. I actually decided to do that before I decided to do Crimson Rebirth, so that's why I'm more interested in Sygozae, especially because it's going to deviate from the source material a lot more than Crimson Rebirth will. However, since I'll be keeping Shark's personality and backstory the same, I think it might be challenging for me to take that and make it interesting enough to follow with him as a protagonist, because I don't think Shark's established popularity will suffice.

[Catterjune]

Why does it matter that a bunch of Yu-Gi-Oh stories and one random Digimon story all take place within one grand multiverse?

 

And furthermore, since a lot of them are Yu-Gi-Oh related, why not just make them all in one universe, but at different points in time? It's not like it'd be all that difficult considering they're just about the same-ish subject matter anyway.

 

I just don't see why you'd do the canon welding right off the bat like that, as opposed to... having a successful series, trying a different series, and then merging them if need be.

[Phantom Roxas]

Why does it matter that a bunch of Yu-Gi-Oh stories and one random Digimon story all take place within one grand multiverse?

 

I chose to put them all in one multiverse just because I like the idea that all my stories are related to each in some way, even if that connection is just taking place in the same large setting.

 

And furthermore, since a lot of them are Yu-Gi-Oh related, why not just make them all in one universe, but at different points in time? It's not like it'd be all that difficult considering they're just about the same-ish subject matter anyway.

 

Alternate universes are supposed to be the idea of this whole thing. The events of Zodiac Cross make it impossible to fit within the timeline of other Yu-Gi-Oh! stories anyway. Pegasus doesn't exist, and the main character has no idea what a Duel Disk is. There are really only three universes anyway. Destiny Chronicles will always happen, Hopeless Paradise and Zodiac Cross take place in one, the 5D's and Zexal rewrites take place in another, and then there's Limits of Reality. Granted, Limits of Reality is a crossover, but I still consider just one universe.

 

I just don't see why you'd do the canon welding right off the bat like that, as opposed to... having a successful series, trying a different series, and then merging them if need be.

 

Plot bunny.

[Just Crouton]

IDEA: A Transformers Generation 1 fan-fic that continues the story of Starscream resurrected by Unicron in the cartoon.

 

REQUIRED VIEWING

 

It'll be set sometime after "Ghost in the Machine" and before "The Return of Optimus Prime." Galvatron has discovered new Decepticons called Pretenders and terrorizes them into his army (watch season 3 and you'll understand.) The Pretenders have the Autobots (namely characters like Ultra Magnus, Perceptor, Blaster, Sky Lynx, etc.) backed into a corner on a planet where Autobots are doing stuff, and as Galvatron celebrates, one of the Pretenders reveals himself to be STARSCREAM AND SHOOTS HIM! And that's chapter 1. Chapter 2 is basically Autobots vs. Galvatron's Decepticons vs. Starscream Pretender Decepticons and a little twist about the Pretender technology.

 

It'll have the same style of dialogue as the show. Basically, it doesn't try to be deep and serious, and sticks to the cheesiness (and awesomeness) of the show.

[bury the year]

My god I haven't visited this thread in forever.

 

So I was thinking. About Pokemon. And I realized that there'd be an interesting story in playing a police/public security officer. Not a Jenny, ofc, because if they had enough Jennys to fully staff all the departments across all five regions I'd be a bit worried for their reproductive organs. Probably be more serious/darker in tone, or at least not the comedic fare of the anime. So, y/n?

[Phantom Roxas]

A Pokémon story with an officer that is not a Jenny and is serious in nature sounds perfectly fine, so go ahead.

[Umbra]

My god I haven't visited this thread in forever.

 

So I was thinking. About Pokemon. And I realized that there'd be an interesting story in playing a police/public security officer. Not a Jenny, ofc, because if they had enough Jennys to fully staff all the departments across all five regions I'd be a bit worried for their reproductive organs. Probably be more serious/darker in tone, or at least not the comedic fare of the anime. So, y/n?

 

That's... actually pretty interesting. However, given that Pokémon is one of the most well-known franchises in the world, and has been known to have that light-hearted tone for a while, a darker shift could easily look parodial, if not satirical, even. I would love to see it work out, but be careful.

[Phantom Roxas]

I've heard that the Pokémon Adventures manga can present some dark ideas sometimes, but there's a mindset that something shouldn't be made darker and edgier just to make it good. I think that you should stick to the basics of a Pokémon story, or at least show that from a different perspective.

[bury the year]

I've heard that the Pokémon Adventures manga can present some dark ideas sometimes, but there's a mindset that something shouldn't be made darker and edgier just to make it good. I think that you should stick to the basics of a Pokémon story, or at least show that from a different perspective.

 

The darker shift wouldn't be the focus, per se, but with the change in plot it'd be somewhat of a necessary evil.

[Catterjune]

I've really been in the mood to re-write my godawful original stories...

 

*explains!*

 

Firstly, there's 'Fragments'. I'll just spoil everything here by the way with no spoiler tags, so if you ever wanted to read it and are afraid of spoilers, stop reading.

 

Basically, in some kind of mythical middle ages type of Final Fantasy setting there were 5 knights. Sixteen years before the story begins, they had to defeat an evil immortal magician or something, but since he was immortal they found it to be much more challenging then they expected. Unable to kill him, they did the only thing they could: Forged five legendary blades from a forbidden curse and they managed to separate him into 5 different pieces (one for every blade involved in the final battle, of course.)

 

So after that, the world became all sunshine and prosperity again, and now it's 16 years later. A cult of weirdos who followed the evil immortal magician attempt to find their master, and they believe they have. We're introduced to 5 kids who house a fragment of the evil magician dude in their heart... or something gay like that. They were all just born at the exact moment the magician died, so that's why they got it. They all live really far from each other, one in the desert, one in the "arctic" world, one in the mountains, one near the forest, and one is the villain.

 

So basically, when all five 16 year olds come together, the world ends. The 5 knights from 16 years ago's job is to make sure that doesn't happen, by any means necessary (read, by murdering any of the 5 kids).

 

We're told the story through the kid's point of view by the way. So to the audience, it looks like the knights are out to viciously murder them and the weirdo cult people are tying to help them, however in a 'stunning' plot twist the situation is revealed to be backwards. The knights are the good guys, because they're trying to stop the end of the world, and cultists are trying to revive Satan or whatever.

 

I quit writing this story before the "stunning" plot twist, and it was poorly written and terrible. I really liked that idea for a story though, where it's a typical "villain versus hero" but with a twist, the kids are kind of just outside observers to a war that goes on that's about them. They don't understand their own significance in the whole big thing.

 

The reason I never bothered to continue writing it was I came up with two obvious problems. Firstly, there's not really many places to go if the first arc concludes with the end of the world. Secondly, the obvious way to go, with the heroes getting the powers they needed to defeat the evil... just didn't work. I decided to kill off the 5 knights, because if they still have access to the 5 weapons that originally sealed the villain... where's the tension? So then we've got a super powerful immortal wizard Hitler or something messing things up, this is a guy who took down the 5 most powerful knights in the world, easily. And then we've got these 5 kids who have pretty much just run away from the good guys for the entire story. What small amount of power they may have had was lost the moment they all met up and the five fragments formed into Magical Hitler.

 

So like... yeah. There's a whole lot of backstory there as well, by the way... but it's not so important and most likely non-canon. If I knew where to go from "lol, the world ends, the heroes are dead, and the protagonists are 100% defenseless" then I'd probably rewrite it.

 

 

WHICH LEADS ME TO MY SECOND CRAPPY STORY I WANTED TO RE-WRITE!

 

Joe Goes To Duel Academy. Was mostly a joke. Girl named Joanna (nicknamed Joe) doesn't go to Duel Academy. The entire story is about a tournament she and her recently made friend/Syrus ripoff join to get money to buy a boat to take them to Duel Academy.

 

Was mostly to be not-so-serious and a joke/send up to a bunch of Yu-Gi-Oh stories. Even the main 'rival' character was literally named Your Rival. Well technically, it was pronounced like 'Your Rival' but spelled Euryval, I think. Just to have the line "I am Euryval." when he and Joe first met.

 

Eventually we meet the Kaiba ripoff, who's the head CEO of Palindrome. A company that's flatbroke and operates out of his mom's garage. He has no money to start up his business, hence why he needs to win the tournament. He's all "artful and arrogant" like any rich man, except he's flat broke. He also claims to be speaking one really really long palindrome since birth, but since Joe and Cyrus-Ripoff only know him for like an hour or a day or so, they'll never know if he was telling the truth.

 

I dropped the story because there was no where to really go with it. I mean, no evil forces or anything, and barely any tension made the story boring as hell. Then again, it was supposed to be light and comedic, so maybe barely any tension wasn't a bad thing, but it was just a chore to write. But I do sometime want to re-write it. Add some more details... etc etc.

 

AND NOW FOR MORE ORIGINAL TRASH!

 

I had an idea for a "realistic" version of Yu-Gi-Oh and a "realistic" version of GX.

 

Crab claimed the first one sounded like "Hikaru no Go, but with Yu-Gi-Oh", which I suppose might be true, never read Hikaru no Go. Four, real world kids with no magical powers and really nothing on the line all play Duel Monsters. It's more 'slice of life' then anything, and these guys could be doing anything and the dialogue would probably remain unchanged. More character driven then anything else, the story of 4 friends who also just-so-happen to go play Yu-Gi-Oh every weekend and go to tournaments.

 

Never really got it started though. After reading 'Animorphs', I kind of wanted a shifting perspective thing, where one character narrates one chapter, and then another does another, except I'm a terribad writer and all of them sounded exactly the same. I'd like to maybe ask the help of 3 other people to give me a hand, but I'm too prideful to ask for help and would be fine with letting the story.

 

As for a 'realistic' GX.

 

Taking place in the same universe as above, it stars a bunch of young-ish kids as they go to a Duel Monster based summer camp. I dunno, a school dedicated to Duel Monsters seemed stupid, but a summer camp seemed to make much more sense. There's space camp and ballet camp and cheer camp, so I figure Yu-Gi-Oh camp wouldn't be that weird. It takes place a few (like 3 or so) years after the end of the first one. The main protagonists are other people who have implied to have existed in the earlier one. Like... one of the team members younger brothers, and the store owner's middle school aged daughter and stuff like that.

 

Despite having significantly less tension then Joe Goes to Duel Academy, I still liked that more. Probably because of the characters. IDK.

 

 

Other odds and ends:

 

Still working on my ghost story which I mentioned a little under a year ago (it's on the third page of this thread). Massive re-writes and a terribly lazy author prevent it from being really finished though.

 

If I could get someone to swear a vow of secrecy, I'd maybe like a little help on it, as this is the one story I do kind of intend to take seriously, as opposed to the above four.

 

tl;dr - I wanna re-write Fragments, but I need to find a way to move the story forward.

I wanna re-write Joe Goes To Duel Academy, but I won't

I wanna write a 'slice of life' story with people who just-so-happen to play Yu-Gi-Oh

My crappy ghost story is coming along, but I just need a bit of help to work through the fifth (and possibly sixth) chapter.

[Dr. Cakey]

Fragments

You have 5 options:

* The Troll Approach: End of the world? What? It was all a dream/alternate dimension/nuclear radiation.

* The Bionicle Approach: After the world ends, cut to another world. Fix things.

* The Bad Star Trek Episode Approach: Go back in time.

* The Clusterfuntime Approach: Cut to another world, whose characters go back in time in order to fix things.

* The Rational Approach: Think of something.

 

I assume you don't mean the world literally ended, because the world didn't end sixteen years ago. It's just that all the human NPCs are replaced with ReDeads and the world map is palette-swapped, right? Because that presents at least some possibilities. Maybe the 5 kids still have a connection to GanonHitler and the so the knights still try to kill them? idk

 

Joe Goes to Duel Academy

I liked that story...but it was kind of running on just 'look it's like GX stories except different and the main character is a girl and its funny and they're not at duel academy', so I can see why you dropped it.

 

'Realistic' YGOz Stuff

You don't mention specifics, so I can't say if the idea is really good or bad. It would be tricky to do...what a lot of YGO depends on is spectacle, so it seems to me like duels would actually become even more of a focus. But maybe you could do it.

 

That One Ghost Story Whose Original Description I've Never Read

I'm known for keeping my school assignments secret even from myself, so if I had to keep an actual secret, it would be so secret not even you would know about it. Which I guess would make it tricky to write...

[Catterjune]

* The Troll Approach: End of the world? What? It was all a dream/alternate dimension/nuclear radiation.

Never been a fan of "it was all just a dream". I'd honestly prefer "and then Magic Hitler killed everyone" over "and then Magic Hitler killed everyone. j/k! It was all a dream"

 

* The Bionicle Approach: After the world ends, cut to another world. Fix things.

I'm a terribad writer, so crafting one world is hard enough. Crafting another would be more difficult. =\

 

* The Bad Star Trek Episode Approach: Go back in time.

My own theory on time travel is that time is a loop. If someone's sock disappears, it's because some guy went back in time and stole it. Time isn't plyable, at least in my stories it's not.

 

* The Clusterfuntime Approach: Cut to another world, whose characters go back in time in order to fix things.

That's just a combination of everything bad! <_<

 

* The Rational Approach: Think of something.

Meh, I had an idea.

 

*explains*

 

Originally, the villain cult was lead by a brother/sister team. The knights inform the protagonists the backstory, and how they defeated the magic demon lord guy. They explain their weapons also give them immortality. (This is not-so-subtly implied, as they're crushed by rocks and fall into lava in the second-to-last chapter and are perfectly fine in the next chapter)

 

However, the swords and etc don't work when the knights aren't specifically holding them. They're slowly but surely disarmed and all five die.

 

"Why do all five knights need to die?"

Well look, the five knights saved the world 16 years ago by sealing the Big Bad. If they could easily just do that again, there's no tension.

 

"So then the five kids take up their weapons, literally, and save the world, right?"

Not right. I literally meant what I said. It gives them immortality. Only them.

 

The kids eventually find out (somehow!?) that the weapons the knights made came from some idk far away place. They had to mine their own metal and then do... one last thing.

 

The kids mine the metal, then find out what that "one last thing" is. Apparently, there used to be many more of those knights (15). The weapons needed the sacrafice of a human soul in order to work, but not just any random homeless derelict. It had to be someone the weilder had a close relationship with. So... 3 groups of five knights. Five of them sacraficed themselves to become the five legendary weapons. The next five took up the blades and went into battle against evil Hitler (and lost), the final five (from the story) took up the five blades and won. The swords or whatever only create immortality if the sacraficed soul and the weilder were really close (and they are for both groups, before you ask. I don't wanna get too into the boring details.) tl;dr - The Knights' story is more interesting then the kids. But whatever.

 

So anyway, the kids mined enough metal to only make one weapon, but they can't figure out who should make the sacrafice. The weirdo cultists brother/sister team however show up, take the metal, and brother sacs himself for a weapon for the girl.

 

So basically, now the team of 5 kids are up against magic Hitler and a super powerful immortal girl.

 

AND THEN THE WORLD ENDS EVEN MORE!

 

I assume you don't mean the world literally ended, because the world didn't end sixteen years ago. It's just that all the human NPCs are replaced with ReDeads and the world map is palette-swapped, right? Because that presents at least some possibilities. Maybe the 5 kids still have a connection to GanonHitler and the so the knights still try to kill them? idk

Yeah yeah, it's just 7 years later in OoT or The Dark World from LttP. I kind of feel like every time I write myself into a corner.

 

The kids are only special and powerful when they have the fragments of Magic Hitler inside of them, but they're useless without. There's no conflict unless they lose the fragments. If the knights are still alive, there's no tension.

 

I just don't want it to end as a shaggy dog story is all. =\

 

 

You don't mention specifics, so I can't say if the idea is really good or bad. It would be tricky to do...what a lot of YGO depends on is spectacle, so it seems to me like duels would actually become even more of a focus. But maybe you could do it.

The story is more of a Slice of Life then over the top action. I had an idea, but it seemed to focused on the female character of the team and I couldn't think of it much...

 

The first chapter we're introduced to the 3 man team. The fact that they have no names is also bothersome. Two of them are close friends (knew each other since they were kids) and the third one is a highschool a year younger then them. Two closest friends are first year college students BTW.

 

So it's summer, and because of college, two college aged people couldn't visit their lol-locals. Because he had no one to go with, high schooler didn't go either. So they decide with a shrug to go to the next tournament. They all lose. Badly.

 

Since graduating, a little game-changing pack called Phantom Darkness came out. So they come in with their monarchs and such and promptly get their asses beaten.

 

So the chapter's almost done, and they sigh, defeated but with renewed vigor. SUDDEN PLOT TWIST! One of the friends met a girl during college, and she violently dissaproves of Yu-Gi-Ohs. So now the team is in there darkest times. Meta's all gone to crap and it seems they've lost a friend and etc etc.

 

Second chapter! They find out girl is a duelist. Her backstory is revealed, she used to date a guy who was super into YuGiOhz, so much so that he frequently ignored the girl. That's the primary reason she was so adamantly against letting her current boyfriend duel (and also how she knew where the locals were). They duel for the boyfriend's fate and... etc etc.

 

And the rest of the chapters are just random stuff between the team. I remember one of the first few ideas was the girl showing up and using her sex appeal on the boys at locals to score them better trades, but this violently offends her boyfriend. Another idea was the highschool going on his own to try to "prove himself" to the group, who had been slightly making fun of him. The mid-season thing is the group trying to save their local card shop from shutting down.

 

tl;dr - Its 4 random kids who are friends, but they also JUST SO HAPPEN to play Yu-Gi-Oh too. They mostly hang out on weekends. And then... whatever.

 

 

I'm known for keeping my school assignments secret even from myself, so if I had to keep an actual secret, it would be so secret not even you would know about it. Which I guess would make it tricky to write...

Are you saying you wanna read it/be informed about it? I have a majority of the planning down and recently I managed to have a bit of an epiphany regarding the intro to the fifth, so all that's left are a few finer points here and in the sixth before I feel confident enough to post the first.

[Just Crouton]

Never been a fan of "it was all just a dream". I'd honestly prefer "and then Magic Hitler killed everyone" over "and then Magic Hitler killed everyone. j/k! It was all a dream"

 

 

I'm a terribad writer, so crafting one world is hard enough. Crafting another would be more difficult. =\

 

 

My own theory on time travel is that time is a loop. If someone's sock disappears, it's because some guy went back in time and stole it. Time isn't plyable, at least in my stories it's not.

 

 

That's just a combination of everything bad! <_<

 

 

Meh, I had an idea.

 

*explains*

 

Originally, the villain cult was lead by a brother/sister team. The knights inform the protagonists the backstory, and how they defeated the magic demon lord guy. They explain their weapons also give them immortality. (This is not-so-subtly implied, as they're crushed by rocks and fall into lava in the second-to-last chapter and are perfectly fine in the next chapter)

 

However, the swords and etc don't work when the knights aren't specifically holding them. They're slowly but surely disarmed and all five die.

 

"Why do all five knights need to die?"

Well look, the five knights saved the world 16 years ago by sealing the Big Bad. If they could easily just do that again, there's no tension.

 

"So then the five kids take up their weapons, literally, and save the world, right?"

Not right. I literally meant what I said. It gives them immortality. Only them.

 

The kids eventually find out (somehow!?) that the weapons the knights made came from some idk far away place. They had to mine their own metal and then do... one last thing.

 

The kids mine the metal, then find out what that "one last thing" is. Apparently, there used to be many more of those knights (15). The weapons needed the sacrafice of a human soul in order to work, but not just any random homeless derelict. It had to be someone the weilder had a close relationship with. So... 3 groups of five knights. Five of them sacraficed themselves to become the five legendary weapons. The next five took up the blades and went into battle against evil Hitler (and lost), the final five (from the story) took up the five blades and won. The swords or whatever only create immortality if the sacraficed soul and the weilder were really close (and they are for both groups, before you ask. I don't wanna get too into the boring details.) tl;dr - The Knights' story is more interesting then the kids. But whatever.

 

So anyway, the kids mined enough metal to only make one weapon, but they can't figure out who should make the sacrafice. The weirdo cultists brother/sister team however show up, take the metal, and brother sacs himself for a weapon for the girl.

 

So basically, now the team of 5 kids are up against magic Hitler and a super powerful immortal girl.

 

AND THEN THE WORLD ENDS EVEN MORE!

 

 

Yeah yeah, it's just 7 years later in OoT or The Dark World from LttP. I kind of feel like every time I write myself into a corner.

 

The kids are only special and powerful when they have the fragments of Magic Hitler inside of them, but they're useless without. There's no conflict unless they lose the fragments. If the knights are still alive, there's no tension.

 

I just don't want it to end as a shaggy dog story is all. =\

 

 

 

The story is more of a Slice of Life then over the top action. I had an idea, but it seemed to focused on the female character of the team and I couldn't think of it much...

 

The first chapter we're introduced to the 3 man team. The fact that they have no names is also bothersome. Two of them are close friends (knew each other since they were kids) and the third one is a highschool a year younger then them. Two closest friends are first year college students BTW.

 

So it's summer, and because of college, two college aged people couldn't visit their lol-locals. Because he had no one to go with, high schooler didn't go either. So they decide with a shrug to go to the next tournament. They all lose. Badly.

 

Since graduating, a little game-changing pack called Phantom Darkness came out. So they come in with their monarchs and such and promptly get their asses beaten.

 

So the chapter's almost done, and they sigh, defeated but with renewed vigor. SUDDEN PLOT TWIST! One of the friends met a girl during college, and she violently dissaproves of Yu-Gi-Ohs. So now the team is in there darkest times. Meta's all gone to crap and it seems they've lost a friend and etc etc.

 

Second chapter! They find out girl is a duelist. Her backstory is revealed, she used to date a guy who was super into YuGiOhz, so much so that he frequently ignored the girl. That's the primary reason she was so adamantly against letting her current boyfriend duel (and also how she knew where the locals were). They duel for the boyfriend's fate and... etc etc.

 

And the rest of the chapters are just random stuff between the team. I remember one of the first few ideas was the girl showing up and using her sex appeal on the boys at locals to score them better trades, but this violently offends her boyfriend. Another idea was the highschool going on his own to try to "prove himself" to the group, who had been slightly making fun of him. The mid-season thing is the group trying to save their local card shop from shutting down.

 

tl;dr - Its 4 random kids who are friends, but they also JUST SO HAPPEN to play Yu-Gi-Oh too. They mostly hang out on weekends. And then... whatever.

 

 

 

Are you saying you wanna read it/be informed about it? I have a majority of the planning down and recently I managed to have a bit of an epiphany regarding the intro to the fifth, so all that's left are a few finer points here and in the sixth before I feel confident enough to post the first.

 

@bolded: This sounds better than most Yugioh fanfics.

[Aesirson]

I had an idea for a kind of action-fantasy-comedy story. It would be a series, so there's not a big bad to begin with, only small bads that lead up to a greater evil.

 

Anyway, the story's main character is a boy who lives in a desert together with his Caravan. The boy belongs to a nomad people who wanders the desert looking for Brimstone, a magical kind of rock that they later sell for high amounts of gold. To become a man, every boy must make a journey and bring back something that benefits the Nomad people at the age of 17, and so is also the case for the main character.

 

So the story begins with the boy leaving the Caravan to find a treasure to bring back, and during his journeys he will meet both friend and foe. The main story will have a serious tone, but I also want it to be a comedy with only half-serious characters. I've got a couple of characters thought out and at least one longer arc of events.

 

I know it's not much to comment on, but could you guys try to give suggestions?

[Just Crouton]

Debating on next chapter of ALL HAIL KING CROUTON!!!

 

Ideas (All of which will be likely used eventually):

 

King Crouton and group meet an anime fanatic who turns reality into a cesspool of every anime convention possible, from long, drawn out fights, to pointless hot tub scenes.

 

King Crouton meets Dude Rock Against the World (Seriously. That's his full name. I'm that crazy,) a rebel from another planet ruled by THE CLAW!!!! (Also his actual name, spelled with the exclamations) and hijinks ensue.

 

Chaos Potato tries harder to be one of the guys, mistaking General Waffle's racist jokes towards Laser Platypus as actual hate, and...well...Potato ends up heartbroken.

 

Athena Thunderbolt is tried of General Waffle's sexist jokes. Hijinks.

 

Princess Monster starts dating Ninja Boy, and Ninja Boy puts up with Crouton's scorn.

 

The current narrator gets temporary replaced by a villain narrator who worships Cannibal Con Carne and paints King Crouton as evil while acting like every heel wrestling commentator similar to how the current narrator acts like a fusion of Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Joey Styles, Tony Schiavone, etc.

 

King Crouton decides to rob a bank where Cannibal Con Carne keeps his money just because and drafts Waffle, Abortion Sundae, and Athena into his scheme. They break in with stealth aka drive a tank through the building.

 

King Crouton has visions of his father's spirit, and a twist at the end...

 

Abortion Sundae starts trafficking alien women to raise money for a vat of acid to throw them in. Meanwhile, Princess Monster's gluttony causes her to chew a hole through reality, and she meets the narrator.

[Dr. Cakey]

Oh, right, this topic. MOAR QUOTEBLOX

Never been a fan of "it was all just a dream". I'd honestly prefer "and then Magic Hitler killed everyone" over "and then Magic Hitler killed everyone. j/k! It was all a dream"

 

 

I'm a terribad writer, so crafting one world is hard enough. Crafting another would be more difficult. =\

 

 

My own theory on time travel is that time is a loop. If someone's sock disappears, it's because some guy went back in time and stole it. Time isn't plyable, at least in my stories it's not.

 

 

That's just a combination of everything bad! <_<

I was kidding about all of those, if you didn't guess.

 

Meh, I had an idea.

 

*explains*

 

Originally, the villain cult was lead by a brother/sister team. The knights inform the protagonists the backstory, and how they defeated the magic demon lord guy. They explain their weapons also give them immortality. (This is not-so-subtly implied, as they're crushed by rocks and fall into lava in the second-to-last chapter and are perfectly fine in the next chapter)

 

However, the swords and etc don't work when the knights aren't specifically holding them. They're slowly but surely disarmed and all five die.

 

"Why do all five knights need to die?"

Well look, the five knights saved the world 16 years ago by sealing the Big Bad. If they could easily just do that again, there's no tension.

 

"So then the five kids take up their weapons, literally, and save the world, right?"

Not right. I literally meant what I said. It gives them immortality. Only them.

 

The kids eventually find out (somehow!?) that the weapons the knights made came from some idk far away place. They had to mine their own metal and then do... one last thing.

 

The kids mine the metal, then find out what that "one last thing" is. Apparently, there used to be many more of those knights (15). The weapons needed the sacrafice of a human soul in order to work, but not just any random homeless derelict. It had to be someone the weilder had a close relationship with. So... 3 groups of five knights. Five of them sacraficed themselves to become the five legendary weapons. The next five took up the blades and went into battle against evil Hitler (and lost), the final five (from the story) took up the five blades and won. The swords or whatever only create immortality if the sacraficed soul and the weilder were really close (and they are for both groups, before you ask. I don't wanna get too into the boring details.) tl;dr - The Knights' story is more interesting then the kids. But whatever.

 

So anyway, the kids mined enough metal to only make one weapon, but they can't figure out who should make the sacrafice. The weirdo cultists brother/sister team however show up, take the metal, and brother sacs himself for a weapon for the girl.

 

So basically, now the team of 5 kids are up against magic Hitler and a super powerful immortal girl.

 

AND THEN THE WORLD ENDS EVEN MORE!

idk it might work, but it seems, to me, anyway, that maybe you're making things too complex. Maybe instead of all this extra stuff, you just come up with a good reason for these particular five people to have the fragments of Mephisto-Ganondorf von Hitler in them. You sort of sidestepped that when you were writing the story and that might be what's trapped you in development hell. Or not.

 

Yeah yeah, it's just 7 years later in OoT or The Dark World from LttP. I kind of feel like every time I write myself into a corner.

 

The kids are only special and powerful when they have the fragments of Magic Hitler inside of them, but they're useless without. There's no conflict unless they lose the fragments. If the knights are still alive, there's no tension.

Suppose that these five knights are not the five knights, but like...other ones. Their noble blood has been diluted over the generations or something. That mixes up your timeline (I think?) and probably does other stuff, but it lets you keep them alive.

 

I just don't want it to end as a shaggy dog story is all. =\

 

 

 

The story is more of a Slice of Life then over the top action. I had an idea, but it seemed to focused on the female character of the team and I couldn't think of it much...

 

The first chapter we're introduced to the 3 man team. The fact that they have no names is also bothersome. Two of them are close friends (knew each other since they were kids) and the third one is a highschool a year younger then them. Two closest friends are first year college students BTW.

 

So it's summer, and because of college, two college aged people couldn't visit their lol-locals. Because he had no one to go with, high schooler didn't go either. So they decide with a shrug to go to the next tournament. They all lose. Badly.

 

Since graduating, a little game-changing pack called Phantom Darkness came out. So they come in with their monarchs and such and promptly get their asses beaten.

 

So the chapter's almost done, and they sigh, defeated but with renewed vigor. SUDDEN PLOT TWIST! One of the friends met a girl during college, and she violently dissaproves of Yu-Gi-Ohs. So now the team is in there darkest times. Meta's all gone to crap and it seems they've lost a friend and etc etc.

 

Second chapter! They find out girl is a duelist. Her backstory is revealed, she used to date a guy who was super into YuGiOhz, so much so that he frequently ignored the girl. That's the primary reason she was so adamantly against letting her current boyfriend duel (and also how she knew where the locals were). They duel for the boyfriend's fate and... etc etc.

 

And the rest of the chapters are just random stuff between the team. I remember one of the first few ideas was the girl showing up and using her sex appeal on the boys at locals to score them better trades, but this violently offends her boyfriend. Another idea was the highschool going on his own to try to "prove himself" to the group, who had been slightly making fun of him. The mid-season thing is the group trying to save their local card shop from shutting down.

 

tl;dr - Its 4 random kids who are friends, but they also JUST SO HAPPEN to play Yu-Gi-Oh too. They mostly hang out on weekends. And then... whatever.

I'm not super into it, but that might just be because you seem like you're not sure where you're going with it, too. Maybe you could introduce fairly light supernatural elements, more like the first series of YGOz?

 

Are you saying you wanna read it/be informed about it? I have a majority of the planning down and recently I managed to have a bit of an epiphany regarding the intro to the fifth, so all that's left are a few finer points here and in the sixth before I feel confident enough to post the first.

Yes, I'm curious about it. I don't what I can do, but I can try to help.

[Catterjune]

you just come up with a good reason for these particular five people to have the fragments of Mephisto-Ganondorf von Hitler in them

The vague hand-wavey idea for this was that they just-so-happened to be born at the exact same time Magic Hitler died, or shortly after. It's vague and hand-wavey, but the point of it is to make the kids hold a piece of an ancient super powerful wizard thing.

 

Why? Well, primarily for the villian x hero crisscross thing where cultists are actually evil and knights are actually good, but also to have something to move towards. Once all five kids join, bad things happen.

 

Suppose that these five knights are not the five knights, but like...other ones. Their noble blood has been diluted over the generations or something. That mixes up your timeline (I think?) and probably does other stuff, but it lets you keep them alive.

I suppose that could occur, but then... there's no reason for their parents to not still be alive after 16 years. I suppose the super-magic-macguffin-magic-spell also costs a human life for each fragment made, and the 5 previous knights died, so their children/cousins/nieces/nephews had to take up the mantle and were poorly equipped and less talented.

 

Eh... not sure. Further testing is needed. I had a bit of an idea as I was writing the responses to the past two questions.

 

I'm not super into it, but that might just be because you seem like you're not sure where you're going with it, too.

Nah, that's just kind of how I talk. I don't attempt to build hype with my stories when I talk about them, and I speak about them in a very colloquial and unprofessional way.

 

Each 'chapter' is episodic, a self-contained story with its own beginning, middle and end, and if I have time I'll make it so the story is moving towards something big, most likely nats or regionals or whatever. But I do sort of know where I'm going with it, and even if I don't, going 'nowhere' isn't really a problem

 

Maybe you could introduce fairly light supernatural elements, more like the first series of YGOz?

I usually try to keep an open mind on suggestions and all that, but this suggestion gets an absolute No from me. It's more a character piece, slice of life thing then a Shounen or Shojou or whatever the hell it's called actioney story.

 

Yes, I'm curious about it. I don't what I can do, but I can try to help.

I've been working on it on and off (mostly off) for about a year now. I have a handful of proofreaders on other sites I trust, and I typically use beta-readers here. With all due respect to the other people from the other sites, they're a tad too slow for my liking on their proofreading (though they do a good/decent job of it). I've also known them for longer and act in a more friendly tone with them, so I know when I send them my crappy terrible stories, they won't be too harsh on it. They judge the terrible, first draft versions of my stories, and then help polish them up slightly to 'beta-reader' level.

 

In any case, do you MSN, or have an e-mail? PM me, if anything else.

 

... But enough about me:

 

Anyway, the story's main character is a boy who lives in a desert together with his Caravan. The boy belongs to a nomad people who wanders the desert looking for Brimstone, a magical kind of rock that they later sell for high amounts of gold. To become a man, every boy must make a journey and bring back something that benefits the Nomad people at the age of 17, and so is also the case for the main character.

 

So the story begins with the boy leaving the Caravan to find a treasure to bring back, and during his journeys he will meet both friend and foe.

That sounds like a rather interesting story, however my biggest concern is how much of it would seem like endlessly dicking around. I think you need a more concrete goal rather then "something that benefits the Nomad people".

 

Having him begin with a clear goal and motivation (even if he doesn't accomplish this, strays from the path, or achieves it but then realizes it's vastly overrated) would be much better then just starting with a vague concept like 'something that benefits Nomads'. Just my two cents.

 

Debating on next chapter of ALL HAIL KING CROUTON!!!

I never read it but...

 

Judging from what I've skimmed, it sounds like random randoms for randoms. But since you already wrote out your ideas and expressed a desire to use all of them, I don't know what particularly you want in terms of feedback on it.

 

Maybe I'll give your story a read, but not right now.

[Kōsuke Ueki]

I have a new idea. It's a book I'm writing. I'm actually rewriting it because it didn't seem that good.

 

The story is about a 17-year-old male named Bruce Words (Don't ask. It corresponds with the prototype title, sorta.) who is in a state of depression because his best friend for 12 years, Sara Carron (It's not pronounced Karen if that's what you're thinking. It's a Latina name. Think about how it sounds.), has now become his soul mate. However, because Sara is extremely confused about what she is feeling, she disappeared, and she won't come back until she understands which emotions she wants to feel more: her feelings of being Bruce's best friends for so long, or her feelings of falling in love with him.

 

This led to Bruce's depression and trepidation of having Sara not want to be with him. If it happens, he has the intention of committing suicide to possibly turn things around. If he lives through said attempt, he would not do it again. He would just turn the other cheek and forget it ever happened, starting over with his life. Also, even though he is depressed, he was able to struggle himself out of the gutter just to write what he's feeling and explains all of the events that lead up to how he became depressed. He's writing this because it's the only way he is now able to express what happened.

 

What do you think? This is my first drama fic, even though I'm making it into a book soon, so I don't know how long I will be able to stretch this.

[Fusion X. Denver]

^That actually sounds like a good idea. If you can add other interesting elements to it, it could go great.

The one thing I don't get though is how he could try to commit suicide and letting chance dictate his fate. Don't most methods absolutely ensure death .-.

[Kōsuke Ueki]

That will be explained after a certain number of chapters will be posted. But what I will say is this:

 

Suicide doesn't always ensure death. Haven't you ever heard about people who jump off a bridge because they don't want to live their life anymore actually surviving? Those people would probably have one serious injury at the least.

 

There's more, but I'll let Bruce explain in one of the chapters.

[Resident Fascist]

So I'm thinking of writing a story with two endings and paths as well as a few comedy chapters that are "What if", even though I only have the prologue drafted. Please critique.

 

"It is far off in the Future. Long after what we call Civilisation faded. The earth had been completely flooded from a Battle with the Strongest Beings of Anima: A place filled entirely of entirely spirits of the Long Dead. In order to stop the Spirits breaking out from where they rightfully belonged, 18 "Spirit Weapons" where created. Each one given to a Family assigned with that Spirit. The Spirits of Anima arn't exactly evil, but get jealous of the living and wish to bring more to their unfortunate fate. Nor is Anima another Planet or Dimension, it is located within a Canyon, known as "Spirit Canyon" However only those holding all 18 Spirit Weapons can enter. He closed the book. "Just the same old, stupid mythical legend." He said, walking into his Family's Training room.

 

There, he found a Golden Cabinet holding the Spirit Sword: Snow Wolf. The Cabinet was said to be guarded by the Spirit of the Snow Wolf: The Sensei of the Family who passed away many years ago. Rather than brutally take the sword and run, He decided to ask the Snow Wolf kindly for permission. "Sensei. I really need this Sword. She's ran off again, only this time she took off with the Spirit Weapon we were given by the Pheonixes. I don't want her to be a stupid idiot and lose it in a fight." He said as the put the Key in the Lock. He opened the Cabinet and took the sword. He heard an all familiar voice. "I understand. Let me follow you on your path. As a wise man once said: Does the Walker choose the Path? Or the Path the walker? Think about it. Remember it whenever you are faced with a tough decision." The Sensei said. He looked around. A Ethereal, Ghost-like vision of the Snow Wolf was standing before him. It nodded it's head.

 

He ran off in search of his sister. It was pitch-black outside. He hid in the grass in order to prevent his family from seeing him and wondering why he took the sword. He ran for what seemed like hours, until he reached a Forest with two paths leading into it. One marked "Please use this route" and the other reading "Danger! Overgrown!"

 

Does the Walker choose the Path? Or the Path the Walker?"

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

So I'm thinking of writing a story with two endings and paths as well as a few comedy chapters that are "What if", even though I only have the prologue drafted. Please critique.

 

"It is far off in the Future. Long after what we call Civilisation faded. The earth had been completely flooded from a Battle with the Strongest Beings of Anima: A place filled entirely of entirely spirits of the Long Dead. In order to stop the Spirits breaking out from where they rightfully belonged, 18 "Spirit Weapons" where created. Each one given to a Family assigned with that Spirit. The Spirits of Anima arn't exactly evil, but get jealous of the living and wish to bring more to their unfortunate fate. Nor is Anima another Planet or Dimension, it is located within a Canyon, known as "Spirit Canyon" However only those holding all 18 Spirit Weapons can enter. He closed the book. "Just the same old, stupid mythical legend." He said, walking into his Family's Training room. There, he found a Golden Cabinet holding the Spirit Sword: Snow Wolf. The Cabinet was said to be guarded by the Spirit of the Snow Wolf: The Sensei of the Family who passed away many years ago. Rather than brutally take the sword and run, He decided to ask the Snow Wolf kindly for permission. "Sensei. I really need this Sword. She's ran off again, only this time she took off with the Spirit Weapon we were given by the Pheonixes. I don't want her to be a stupid idiot and lose it in a fight." He said as the put the Key in the Lock. He opened the Cabinet and took the sword. He heard an all familiar voice. "I understand. Let me follow you on your path. As a wise man once said: Does the Walker choose the Path? Or the Path the walker? Think about it. Remember it whenever you are faced with a tough decision." The Sensei said. He looked around. A Ethereal, Ghost-like vision of the Snow Wolf was standing before him. It nodded it's head. He ran off in search of his sister. It was pitch-black outside. He hid in the grass in order to prevent his family from seeing him and wondering why he took the sword. He ran for what seemed like hours, until he reached a Forest with two paths leading into it. One marked "Please use this route" and the other reading "Danger! Overgrown!"

 

Does the Walker choose the Path? Or the Path the Walker?"

 

Intersting, so we'd get an account for him taking each path I assume? Could be pretty mind-bending, depends on the implementation. Would have to be really well written to make this work. Speaking of, I appreciate this is just a prologue to test this but, I have to ask...

 

You do know what a paragraph is, right?

 

Because as much as the ideas are interesting, that was plain awful to actually read.

[Resident Fascist]

 

Intersting, so we'd get an account for him taking each path I assume? Could be pretty mind-bending, depends on the implementation. Would have to be really well written to make this work. Speaking of, I appreciate this is just a prologue to test this but, I have to ask...

 

You do know what a paragraph is, right?

 

Because as much as the ideas are interesting, that was plain awful to actually read.

 

Oops, sorry. I forgot to paragraph =/

What do you mean by "Awful" like how could I improve it?