Yu-Gi-Oh GX : The Next Generation -PG13- (Ch.4 is finally up!)

[Rockin' Rollin' Duelist]

Go to the new page here

 

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/237759-yu-gi-oh-the-next-generation/page__p__4965222__fromsearch__1#entry4965222

[Orza]

It was very interesting to read, if I'm being honest. It makes it more interactive seeing your own characters in there as well. I'm a bit disappointed not to see my character in there as there is potential for him to turn to a darker force. However, that could just as easily come in later.

 

I wasn't to keen on reading entirely in the first person, try switching between first, second and third a bit.

 

And there is not enough description for my tastes, no mental image of the characters or surroundings are building in my head.

 

On the other hand I do like the current plot up to date and look forward to reading more. I recommend anyone to make a character and see how this young author portraits them and uses them.

[Rockin' Rollin' Duelist]

It was only the first chapter, all characters made will appear. But seriously, thanks for the feedback, I was thinking no one would.

 

Chapter 2 will be up either by the end of the week, or early next week, based on how quickly I can work the duel part out.

[Orza]

Just give it time, people will eventually comment back.

[Rockin' Rollin' Duelist]

Hopefully.

[Dr. Cakey]

Despite the fact that I have no respect for you whatsoever, my principles require me to tell you that this is a high-flying eagle compared to the wriggling maggots that are most of the fanfics here. The problem is that this is a Duel Academy fic...that automatically deducts you a point or two.

[Rockin' Rollin' Duelist]

Well, I have no respect for people who don't have respect for me, lol.

 

Thanks for the compliment dude, but question. What's wrong with it being a Duel Academt fic?

[Headmaster Monokuma]

It's been done so much, and nearly everybody hates GX.

 

As for the story, it is better written then most of the stories around here. Not much left to say, but keep up the good work.

[Dr. Cakey]

Duel Academy fanfics pattern themselves after GX because its a pattern that doesn't require much thought to implement. You actually don't follow the pattern too much - this pattern generically involves some kind of absent-minded main character probably late to the entrance exam who miraculously wins against someone more intelligent and with better cards. You don't have any of this until you reach "miraculously wins against someone etc. etc.", because it's pretty clear who the winner is, since any team with Crowler on it is most certainly about to lose.

 

From there, the main character goes on to enjoy various moderately dangerous antics involving card games off of motorcycles (c i refrinsd 5ds cuz u dont liek it), with all sorts of CRAAAAZY characters along for the ride! Suitable for brain-dead children of all ages.

 

Here's hoping you plan to establish something more serious.

[Rockin' Rollin' Duelist]

thanks?

[Weather Report - Stand]

Well, sir, I am going to do what I haven't done in a long time and perform a WEATHER REPORT (review)!! Today's color: this.

This is my new Yu-Gi-Oh GX fanfiction. The series takes place a couple years after Jaden and friends graduated. It now features a new group of students' date=' and some new teachers as well. For more info and characters, check out the following link.

 

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/thread-213489.html

 

Uh, okay. Let's take a look.

 

[spoiler=Episode 1]

 

Chapter 1 : The Arrival

 

Dun dun DUN!! I'd criticize you for having a lame chapter name, but that would be insensitive and useless.

 

Duel Academy, the pinnacle of dueling. It's where all new duelists go to hone their skills and perfect their decks. It's where the best educators in the world teach hundreds of potential champions the basics, and the more advanced stuff as well. Funded by the mega-corporation, Kaiba Corp., Duel Academy is in it's tenth year, only one after the graduation of it's most famous student ever, Jaden Yuki. And now, a new group of students have arrived to learn all they need in order to one day become the next dueling world champions.

 

Well, I'm sure glad HE'S gone, heh. So who's stepping up to the plate for him?

 

Currently, the Academy entrance exams are being held at the Kaiba Dome in Domino City. In order to join the school, you must pass two tests. The first is a written test, fairly easy for most. It's a large packet of questions on card effects, turn ruling and more. The truth is, it's not my strong point. Who am I? My name is Taizen Hiruka, but call me Tai. I'm fifteen years old, and an aspiring freshman for the academy. I barely just passed the written exam, and now it's nearly time for the second test, a field duel.

 

Well, it took this long for me to realize how first-person this story is. I currently have no opinion for nor against this, so you're off to a good start.

 

"Tai...TAI!"

 

Jumping, I look around in shock. Standing beside me is my friend Kuro. We met just recently, at the exams in fact. I can't place my finger on it, but he reminds me of someone. Shaking his head, he laughs and slaps me arm, saying as he does, "Tai, why the hell are you sleeping? The duels have already started."

 

I wonder how many Japanese people name their kids Kuro (<-culturally blind person)? That aside (because I wouldn't know), I don't see him taking on the 'Syrus' role. Good so far.

 

"What!?," I yell, bolting to my feet, "what do you mean the duels have started!? I didn't miss my turn did I?"

 

Whoops, odd grammar. Take care of that and you're good.

 

"No, but if you're not ready, you will. They're calling us by name to duel teachers and proctors from the school itself, can you believe it? My father did say this was a great place."

 

'If you're not ready, you will'? That alone made me feel negative so far. You have great description, but your dialogue falls flat and needs more feeling-carrying punctuation.

 

Staring, I begin to wonder if I could possibly know his father. Maybe that's why he looks so familiar. I'm about to ask when I suddenly see him slump. I don't know what's wrong, but I decide to change the subject in hopes that he'll cheer up. Patting his back, I ask him what kind of deck he uses. This instantly brightens his day as he pulls his cards from the pouch at his side.

 

See? That one was fine. Buuut... will it follow the sequence?

 

"I call it an Unstable Gadget deck. My father used it," he tells me. Oh no, the father again. I see his head start to drop, so I pull my own cards out, shoving them nearly up his nose. Taking my deck, he shuffles through it. I can see the surprise on his face as he checks the card out.

 

This was pretty good, actually. Just change 'card' to 'cards', at the end.

 

"Wow, how'd you get all these rare cards?," he asks, apparently jealous. Laughing, I tell him that I won a contest by Industrial Illusions, and that Pegasus himself constructed this deck for me. I add that the contest wasn't that hard. All I had to do was send in an idea for a new type of monster. I guess mine was the best.

 

Aw snap, here comes the traditional shonen hero secret weapon! I'm torn about those, but it makes them interesting.

 

Smiling, he gives me back my deck and turns to leave the room. Sighing, he then says, "All I have is a stupid hand-me-down. Why can't I have a good deck like yours?"

 

Well, if you care that much about it, you could... get a NEW deck...? This Kuro is one weird kid with a chip on his shoulder.

 

"Eh, don't worry about it man. The truth is, I've never even used these cards before."

 

... Dumb? Or just CONFIDENT? Meh, I'd say dumb for not trying it once.

 

Laughing, Kuro waves goodbye and heads off to await his name. Deciding I'd better do the same, I gather my things and walk from the room, heading into the large hall of the dome. All around, people are dueling to get in. I can't believe how many people there are. And just think, accourding to the pamphlet for the school, only ten percent of the appliants get in. I mean, damn. Only ten? I'd better win then.

 

Alright, once again nothing too special, but check the word 'appliants'. Thanks to doubt cast by 'accourding', I'm unsure if it's correct or not.

 

Walking towards the steps that lead to the lower seating, I'm suddenly knocked to the ground as an unknown person runs into me. As I fall, my deck shoots everywhere, sending all of my cards flying. Looking up, I see a man doning a red Academy jacket. His hair is wild and untamed, and he seems to be in a rush. Bending down, he swoops my cards up in what seems like a single motion, and hands them back to me before turning again to leave.

 

Too much telling, not enough showing for me. This style needs more pacing. I'd like it if you showed the crash, instead of saying it happened. You do a lot of skipping around, and I may not know enough about first-person writing, but it makes me feel sad...

 

"Wait!," I call out, "who are you?"

 

"Professor Jazuya," he calls back. Wow, so he's a professor? How did he do that? My cards were everywhere, and he picked them up in one movement? It's impossible. Getting to my feet, I contemplate over what had just happened when I'm suddenly knocked back down. This time, a girl is standing over me. Her long blonde hair shines beautifully in the light, and she is holding a red jacket in her hand much like the professors. Gasping, she helps me up, then bites her lip and runs away. Watching, I can't help but wonder if we'll get some time together while at the academy. I watch as she bounds over to her parents to tell them the good news of being accepted, her hair flying behind her. Her amazing ass just bouncing as she does. Her...

 

Just a few grammatical errors here, not too much. I also like the end of this paragraph, but then again, I'm a terrible person.

 

"Taizen Hiruka."

 

I turn to the fields, expecting for one of the proctors I've seen on the fields to be awaiting me. But instead there's some odd looking woman there, she couldn't possibly be the proctor, could she? Her hair is tied back into a ponytail, and she wears a dark blue jacket. Staring down at me, she laughs and says, "So, you're the lucky winner of that Industrial Illusions contest, are you?"

 

I see what's coming next. Also there's exactly one run-on sentence.

 

"Sorry lady, have we met?"

 

"I'M A GUY!, and no, we have not. I'm Dr. Chrowler, and I'll be your exam proctor today. Now let's get this over with, I have things to do," he says, walking over to one of the fields. Grinning, I pull out my deck and run over, standing to the opposite side. Smiling as I'm handed an academy grade duel disk, I load my deck and prepare to begin when suddenly another person walks up.

 

OH NO!! DR. CH-ROWLER?! MISSPELLING AHOY!! THE FANDOM KILLS YOU!! Though in all seriousness, from experience via the story I write, Crowler doesn't speak like 'I'M A GUY!,'. He would say it in some sort of more presumptuous, jabroni-ish way.

 

This man is slightly larger than the Chrowler chick, and has significantly less hair, none actually. Doning a red jacket, he smiles at us and announces, "Chrowler, it seems that this kid isn't the last. Son, could you come out please?"

 

Wuh-oh! Looks like it's Mr. Shephard!!! Well, had to see that coming. I just wish anybody (me included) cared about him. Also, why isn't 'donning' spelled with one 'n'? Do you know why? Is it just in dumb America?

 

From behind him steps Kuro, who looks nervous. Noticing me, he smiles and waves. Chrowler, however, doesn't seem amused, and complains, "But Chancellor, you don't expect me to face both of them, do you?" So this guys the Chancellor of the school? That means he's in charge right? Stepping forward, I tell him I have an idea, to which he seems interested and asks me to explain.

 

Okay. But you need to use a few more apostrophes and stuff around this one.

 

"Why don't we have a team duel? We'll take on two proctors to get in," I tell him.

 

Grinning, he responds, "Excellent idea, son! Chrowler, you'll be dueling them both."

 

Oh boy! Plot twists! Yippee! But that IS at least original compared to all the other crappy DA fics.

 

"And who do you think I'm going to be teaming with?," Chrowler asks, hands on his hips. Looking around, the Chancellor walks off, heading into the stands where he approaches a tall, bearded man wearing a slightly modified blue jacket. After talking for a moment, the man gets up and walks down to the field as the Chancellor heads to the announce booth. It's at this time that I notice everyone else has finished their duels, and most have turned their attention to us.

 

Th-the announce booth?! I don't get it!! Why Mr. Sheppard didn't do it himself though is anyone's (your) guess. I'm sure there's a reference in the regular series I haven't gotten to (or cared) about.

 

Suddenly, I hear feedback screech through the room, and then the Chancellors voice, "Everybody, we have a special treat for you! For the last of the entrance duels, there will be a team duel. Proctoring this match will be Dr. Chrowler of the Obelisk Blue dorm, and the new co-dorm advisor, Zeel Trusdale!"

 

That name irritates me. Zeel?! Where the hell did HE/SHE/IT come from?! Confusion hurts. Also Truesdale has two 'e's.

 

Did he just say Trusdale!? As in Zane and Syrus Trusdale, the tag dueling phenomenons!? Both went to Duel Academy in the past, but I had no idea that their father was there. This is amazing, I get to duel the father of two dueling champions, along with Kuro of course.

 

Did they Tag Duel more than once or twice? And was Syrus EVER amous? Just asking.

 

"And the two students who will be dueling for admittence into the academy are Taizen Hiruka, and Kurosaki Motou!"

 

OOOOOOOH, IT'S NOT JUST KURO, IT'S KUROSAKI. OOOOOOOH. Well now I feel dumb for those comments earlier.

 

The room suddenly goes deathly quiet as everyone, including myself, turns to look at Kuro. Standing there, looking around nervously, he smiles and blushes. I can't believe it...this is impossible. Not only am I in an entrance duel with the father of two legends, but the son of the King of Games himself, Yugi Motou. I actually get to duel alongside Yugi's son!? This is unreal. Suddenly, the entire room is deafened by erupting cheers, and everyone around ambushes the area around the field. Looking at me, Kuro slides his disk on and puts his card in. As we turn to our opponents, ready for the duel of our lives, we know that we have to win. This is our one chance to get into Duel Academy, and it's going to be amazing to have helped Yugi's flesh and blood get there. It's time to duel.

 

Hmm... So Yugi DID do it with Tea... I guess... I need to get my head out of the gutter.

 

Chapter 2 Sneak Peek

***********************************

Taizen and Kuro begin their duel with Chrowler and Zeel. Can they stand up to the formidible forces of two teachers, or will they fail and be rejected from the academy. Find out in Chapter 2 : Duel

 

That SP actually has boring grammar. Aw, man.

 

 

 

 

Please give any feedback you can

 

Well... this story's actually mostly made up of fanservice to those who liked GX, and once you get past that it the story is pretty boring. I can't form an opinion on this story, so... yeah. I'd give it a 6/10.

[Rockin' Rollin' Duelist]

Thanks for the feedback. After I finish chapter 2, I'll go back and edit some of that stuff

[Rockin' Rollin' Duelist]

Thanks for the feedback. After I finish chapter 2, I'll go back and edit some of that stuff

[Rockin' Rollin' Duelist]

Almost done with chapter 2 everyone! Still finishing up the duel!

[Weather Report - Stand]

Well, good luck.

[Rockin' Rollin' Duelist]

Thanks. It'll be up later today.

[六兆年と一夜物語]

I shall do the impossible, which is paying homage to Crab Helmet.

 

[spoiler=Yu-Gi-Oh GX: The Next Generation Review]Well, here I am. At least, for the time being until someone has the guts to recommend this to Crab Helmet. So in the meantime, please enjoy the tribute to Foe Fiction. Though this review will be crap.

 

Chapter 1 : The Arrival

 

Oh thank god, no Chapter Plot.

 

Duel Academy, the pinnacle of dueling.

 

That isn't a sentence. That's a statement.

 

It's where all new duelists go to hone their skills and perfect their decks.

 

That's what friends random people on the street are for.

 

It's where the best educators in the world teach hundreds of potential champions the basics, and the more advanced stuff as well.

 

SURE, DON'T TEACH THEM ENGLISH OR MATHS. TEACH THEM A CHILDREN'S CARD GAME INSTEAD. I be seein' a major flaw here.

 

Funded by the mega-corporation, Kaiba Corp., Duel Academy is in it's tenth year

 

PROOFREADING

,only one after the graduation of it's most famous student ever, Jaden Yuki.

 

PROOFREADING x2

 

And now, a new group of students have arrived to learn all they need in order to one day become the next dueling world champions.

 

Let me guess. Two boys and a girl.

 

Currently, the Academy entrance exams are being held at the Kaiba Dome in Domino City. In order to join the school, you must pass two tests. The first is a written test, fairly easy for most.

 

"First question. What is your name? Second. What is your quest? Third. What is your favorite color?"

 

It's a large packet of questions on card effects, turn ruling and more. The truth is, it's not my strong point. Who am I?

 

...Jean Valjean?

 

My name is Taizen Hiruka, but call me Tai.

 

Oh.

 

I'm fifteen years old, and an aspiring freshman for the academy. I barely just passed the written exam, and now it's nearly time for the second test, a field duel.

 

With who? Professor Young Boy?

 

"Tai...TAI!"

 

Oh lord, I think he has Grell Syndrome. Constantly repeating his own name to remind himself? Check.

 

Jumping,

 

 

I look around in shock.

 

Where is "shock"? I thought we were in the Kaiba Dome in Domino City. You know, the place which is around the size of Kaiba's ego?

 

Standing beside me is my friend Kuro. We met just recently, at the exams in fact. I can't place my finger on it, but he reminds me of someone.

 

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?

Batman?

Your mom?

 

Shaking his head, he laughs and slaps me arm, saying as he does, "Tai, why the hell are you sleeping? The duels have already started."

 

How dare that bastard wakes you up by laughing and slapping your arm!

 

"What!?," I yell, bolting to my feet, "what do you mean the duels have started!? I didn't miss my turn did I?"

 

[spoiler=SPOILER ALERT]He does.

 

 

"No, but if you're not ready, you will. They're calling us by name to duel teachers and proctors from the school itself, can you believe it? My father did say this was a great place."

 

Dammit, my Spoilermeter isn't working.

 

Staring, I begin to wonder if I could possibly know his father. Maybe that's why he looks so familiar. I'm about to ask when I suddenly see him slump. I don't know what's wrong, but I decide to change the subject in hopes that he'll cheer up. Patting his back, I ask him what kind of deck he uses.

 

My Checkov's Meter is saying that his deck will be used against our Protagonist.

 

This instantly brightens his day as he pulls his cards from the pouch at his side.

 

"I call it an Unstable Gadget deck. My father used it," he tells me.

Oh no, the father again.

 

Here's your father. [spoiler=FATHER]

 

 

Happy?

 

I see his head start to drop, so I pull my own cards out, shoving them nearly up his nose. Taking my deck, he shuffles through it. I can see the surprise on his face as he checks the card out.

 

He has an stuck-up friend. All we need is a fanservice girl. On second thought, I don't know what the writer is trying to group together.

 

"Wow, how'd you get all these rare cards?," he asks, apparently jealous. Laughing, I tell him that I won a contest by Industrial Illusions, and that Pegasus himself constructed this deck for me.

 

A grown man fixing a deck for a kid who wants to get into a school where the teachers don't teach essential subjects like Math and English but instead teach the rules and tactics for a Children's Card Game? My fishy sensors are tingling!

 

I add that the contest wasn't that hard. All I had to do was send in an idea for a new type of monster. I guess mine was the best.

 

All with the power of Plagiarism!

 

Smiling, he gives me back my deck and turns to leave the room. Sighing, he then says, "All I have is a stupid hand-me-down. Why can't I have a good deck like yours?"

 

Because your father is a conservative bastard.

 

"Eh, don't worry about it man. The truth is, I've never even used these cards before."

 

Because your father is a bastard who thinks that playing blackjack is more important than a card game. Honestly, I don't know which one is more important.

 

Laughing, Kuro waves goodbye and heads off to await his name. Deciding I'd better do the same, I gather my things and walk from the room, heading into the large hall of the dome. All around, people are dueling to get in. I can't believe how many people there are. And just think, accourding to the pamphlet for the school, only ten percent of the appliants get in. I mean, damn. Only ten? I'd better win then.

 

BRITISH ENGLISH FAIL

 

Did you run it through MSword's Spellchecker or did you proofread it? Because who spells according "accourding" and applicants "appliants"? Unless the people who want to get in want to be part of an Apple company.

 

Walking towards the steps that lead to the lower seating, I'm suddenly knocked to the ground as an unknown person runs into me. As I fall, my deck shoots everywhere, sending all of my cards flying. Looking up, I see a man doning a red Academy jacket. His hair is wild and untamed, and he seems to be in a rush. Bending down, he swoops my cards up in what seems like a single motion, and hands them back to me before turning again to leave.

 

Hello ANTAGONIST trait.

"Wait!," I call out, "who are you?"

 

...Jean Valjean?

 

"Professor Jazuya," he calls back.

 

Dammit; He's Professor Young Boy's sibling.

 

Wow, so he's a professor? How did he do that? My cards were everywhere, and he picked them up in one movement? It's impossible.

 

UNLESS YOU'RE CHUCK NORRIS

 

Getting to my feet, I contemplate over what had just happened when I'm suddenly knocked back down. This time, a girl is standing over me. Her long blonde hair shines beautifully in the light, and she is holding a red jacket in her hand much like the professors.

 

Hello LOVE INTEREST trait.

 

Gasping, she helps me up, then bites her lip and runs away. Watching, I can't help but wonder if we'll get some time together while at the academy.

 

I bet an entire chapter of this series would be him trying to get her attention. Dammit, if only he saw panty.

 

I watch as she bounds over to her parents to tell them the good news of being accepted, her hair flying behind her. Her amazing ass just bouncing as she does. Her...

 

Hello LOVE INTEREST trait, again.

 

"Taizen Hiruka."

 

It sucks to be you~!

 

I turn to the fields, expecting for one of the proctors I've seen on the fields to be awaiting me. But instead there's some odd looking woman there, she couldn't possibly be the proctor, could she?

 

[spoiler=SPOILER ALERT]He is.

 

Her hair is tied back into a ponytail, and she wears a dark blue jacket. Staring down at me, she laughs and says, "So, you're the lucky winner of that Industrial Illusions contest, are you?"

 

I expect him to have a Russian VA.

 

"Sorry lady, have we met?"

 

Brain Bleach in 3... 2... 1...

 

"I'M A GUY!, and no, we have not. I'm Dr. Chrowler, and I'll be your exam proctor today. Now let's get this over with, I have things to do,"

 

There it is. And who the hell is Dr. Chrowler? It sounds like a mix of Dr. Crowler and Chowder. It's so damn creepy.

 

he says, walking over to one of the fields.

 

Even though I'm not so good in Grammar (even though my first language was English), I'm pretty sure nobody uses says. Said would be fine though, as long as it isn't capitalized.

 

Grinning, I pull out my deck and run over,

 

He killed Dr. Crowler Chrowler by running him over?

 

standing to the opposite side.

 

BAD COMMA! BAD COMMA! BAD COMMA! BAD COMMA!

 

Smiling as I'm handed an academy grade duel disk, I load my deck and prepare to begin when suddenly another person walks up.

 

...MANSHADOW?

 

This man is slightly larger than the Chrowler chick, and has significantly less hair, none actually.

 

Dammit, if he was only black and had a Mohawk...

Doning a red jacket, he smiles at us and announces,

 

And an undershirt, I would call him Mr. T. Oh forget it, I'm gonna imagine him AS Mr. T.

 

"Chrowler, it seems that this kid isn't the last. Son, could you come out please?"

 

"Chrowler, it seems that this kid isn't the last. Come out fool!"

 

From behind him steps Kuro, who looks nervous. Noticing me, he smiles and waves.

 

icwutudidthar

 

Chrowler, however, doesn't seem amused, and complains, "But Chancellor, you don't expect me to face both of them, do you?"

 

The Chancellor is Mr. T? Fuck yes, he's officially my favorite character.

 

So this guys the Chancellor of the school? That means he's in charge right? Stepping forward, I tell him I have an idea, to which he seems interested and asks me to explain.

 

No, no. You forgot to brainstorm.

 

"Why don't we have a team duel? We'll take on two proctors to get in," I tell him.

 

That's unfair since Chrowler has Mr. T.

 

Grinning, he responds, "Excellent idea, son! Chrowler, you'll be dueling them both."

 

"Good idea fool! Chrowler, you'll be dueling them both."

"And who do you think I'm going to be teaming with?," Chrowler asks, hands on his hips.

 

Micheal Jackson? Jesus, I gotta stop giving out random references at random times. Lemme get my medicine.

 

Looking around, the Chancellor walks off, heading into the stands where he approaches a tall, bearded man wearing a slightly modified blue jacket.

 

...The Giver? Dammit!

 

After talking for a moment, the man gets up and walks down to the field as the Chancellor heads to the announce booth. It's at this time that I notice everyone else has finished their duels, and most have turned their attention to us.

 

Quick, now lets do something card game related to impress everyone by doing something Jaden von Brownhair would do! Like setting up a FTK combo that includes Illusions!

 

Seriously, I don't know what the hell is going on.

 

Suddenly, I hear feedback screech through the room, and then the Chancellors voice, "Everybody, we have a special treat for you! For the last of the entrance duels, there will be a team duel. Proctoring this match will be Dr. Chrowler of the Obelisk Blue dorm, and the new co-dorm advisor, Zeel Trusdale!"

 

I'm about to do something retarded, so if you don't want to see it, I suggest you look down.

 

ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL

 

k, done.

 

Did he just say Trusdale!? As in Zane and Syrus Trusdale, the tag dueling phenomenons!?

 

Canon to the rescue!

 

Both went to Duel Academy in the past, but I had no idea that their father was there. This is amazing, I get to duel the father of two dueling champions, along with Kuro of course.

 

A retarded Japanese kid with a friend whose father is a revered inventor against a man who can be mistaken for a lady paired with the father who looked over one of the most memorable tag teams ever in the history of Yu-Gi-Oh! YuGiOh?

 

MINDFUCKMINDFUCKMINDFUCKMINDFUCKMINDFUCKMINDFUCKMINDFUCK

 

"And the two students who will be dueling for admittence into the academy are Taizen Hiruka, and Kurosaki Motou!"[/i

 

[spoiler=SPOILER ALERT]Kuro's father is ATEM

 

 

The room suddenly goes deathly quiet as everyone, including myself, turns to look at Kuro. Standing there, looking around nervously, he smiles and blushes.

 

Like a girl. If only he was one...

 

I can't believe it...this is impossible. Not only am I in an entrance duel with the father of two legends, but the son of the King of Games himself, Yugi Motou.

 

Yugi didn't do shit! Atem did the hard work, Yugi was just the catalyst.

 

I actually get to duel alongside Yugi's son!? This is unreal. Suddenly, the entire room is deafened by erupting cheers, and everyone around ambushes the area around the field.

 

AMBUSH

 

Looking at me, Kuro slides his disk on and puts his card in. As we turn to our opponents, ready for the duel of our lives, we know that we have to win. This is our one chance to get into Duel Academy, and it's going to be amazing to have helped Yugi's flesh and blood get there. It's time to duel.

 

DUEL

 

Overall, the fan fic was okay. Not excellent, not terrible, just okay. I also realized that we only get a scratch of description of the characters. And those were only the side ones. There is actually more description of the sounds and stuff than there was in character. 8/10.

 

 

[CNo.101 S.H. Death Knight]

I shall do the impossible' date=' which is paying homage to Crab Helmet.

 

[spoiler=Yu-Gi-Oh GX: The Next Generation Review']Well, here I am. At least, for the time being until someone has the guts to recommend this to Crab Helmet. So in the meantime, please enjoy the tribute to Foe Fiction. Though this review will be crap.

 

Chapter 1 : The Arrival

 

Oh thank god, no Chapter Plot.

 

Duel Academy, the pinnacle of dueling.

 

That isn't a sentence. That's a statement.

 

It's where all new duelists go to hone their skills and perfect their decks.

 

That's what friends random people on the street are for.

 

It's where the best educators in the world teach hundreds of potential champions the basics, and the more advanced stuff as well.

 

SURE, DON'T TEACH THEM ENGLISH OR MATHS. TEACH THEM A CHILDREN'S CARD GAME INSTEAD. I be seein' a major flaw here.

 

Funded by the mega-corporation, Kaiba Corp., Duel Academy is in it's tenth year

 

PROOFREADING

,only one after the graduation of it's most famous student ever, Jaden Yuki.

 

PROOFREADING x2

 

And now, a new group of students have arrived to learn all they need in order to one day become the next dueling world champions.

 

Let me guess. Two boys and a girl.

 

Currently, the Academy entrance exams are being held at the Kaiba Dome in Domino City. In order to join the school, you must pass two tests. The first is a written test, fairly easy for most.

 

"First question. What is your name? Second. What is your quest? Third. What is your favorite color?"

 

It's a large packet of questions on card effects, turn ruling and more. The truth is, it's not my strong point. Who am I?

 

...Jean Valjean?

 

My name is Taizen Hiruka, but call me Tai.

 

Oh.

 

I'm fifteen years old, and an aspiring freshman for the academy. I barely just passed the written exam, and now it's nearly time for the second test, a field duel.

 

With who? Professor Young Boy?

 

"Tai...TAI!"

 

Oh lord, I think he has Grell Syndrome. Constantly repeating his own name to remind himself? Check.

 

Jumping,

 

 

I look around in shock.

 

Where is "shock"? I thought we were in the Kaiba Dome in Domino City. You know, the place which is around the size of Kaiba's ego?

 

Standing beside me is my friend Kuro. We met just recently, at the exams in fact. I can't place my finger on it, but he reminds me of someone.

 

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?

Batman?

Your mom?

 

Shaking his head, he laughs and slaps me arm, saying as he does, "Tai, why the hell are you sleeping? The duels have already started."

 

How dare that bastard wakes you up by laughing and slapping your arm!

 

"What!?," I yell, bolting to my feet, "what do you mean the duels have started!? I didn't miss my turn did I?"

 

[spoiler=SPOILER ALERT]He does.

 

 

"No, but if you're not ready, you will. They're calling us by name to duel teachers and proctors from the school itself, can you believe it? My father did say this was a great place."

 

Dammit, my Spoilermeter isn't working.

 

Staring, I begin to wonder if I could possibly know his father. Maybe that's why he looks so familiar. I'm about to ask when I suddenly see him slump. I don't know what's wrong, but I decide to change the subject in hopes that he'll cheer up. Patting his back, I ask him what kind of deck he uses.

 

My Checkov's Meter is saying that his deck will be used against our Protagonist.

 

This instantly brightens his day as he pulls his cards from the pouch at his side.

 

"I call it an Unstable Gadget deck. My father used it," he tells me.

Oh no, the father again.

 

Here's your father. [spoiler=FATHER]

 

 

Happy?

 

I see his head start to drop, so I pull my own cards out, shoving them nearly up his nose. Taking my deck, he shuffles through it. I can see the surprise on his face as he checks the card out.

 

He has an stuck-up friend. All we need is a fanservice girl. On second thought, I don't know what the writer is trying to group together.

 

"Wow, how'd you get all these rare cards?," he asks, apparently jealous. Laughing, I tell him that I won a contest by Industrial Illusions, and that Pegasus himself constructed this deck for me.

 

A grown man fixing a deck for a kid who wants to get into a school where the teachers don't teach essential subjects like Math and English but instead teach the rules and tactics for a Children's Card Game? My fishy sensors are tingling!

 

I add that the contest wasn't that hard. All I had to do was send in an idea for a new type of monster. I guess mine was the best.

 

All with the power of Plagiarism!

 

Smiling, he gives me back my deck and turns to leave the room. Sighing, he then says, "All I have is a stupid hand-me-down. Why can't I have a good deck like yours?"

 

Because your father is a conservative bastard.

 

"Eh, don't worry about it man. The truth is, I've never even used these cards before."

 

Because your father is a bastard who thinks that playing blackjack is more important than a card game. Honestly, I don't know which one is more important.

 

Laughing, Kuro waves goodbye and heads off to await his name. Deciding I'd better do the same, I gather my things and walk from the room, heading into the large hall of the dome. All around, people are dueling to get in. I can't believe how many people there are. And just think, accourding to the pamphlet for the school, only ten percent of the appliants get in. I mean, damn. Only ten? I'd better win then.

 

BRITISH ENGLISH FAIL

 

Did you run it through MSword's Spellchecker or did you proofread it? Because who spells according "accourding" and applicants "appliants"? Unless the people who want to get in want to be part of an Apple company.

 

Walking towards the steps that lead to the lower seating, I'm suddenly knocked to the ground as an unknown person runs into me. As I fall, my deck shoots everywhere, sending all of my cards flying. Looking up, I see a man doning a red Academy jacket. His hair is wild and untamed, and he seems to be in a rush. Bending down, he swoops my cards up in what seems like a single motion, and hands them back to me before turning again to leave.

 

Hello ANTAGONIST trait.

"Wait!," I call out, "who are you?"

 

...Jean Valjean?

 

"Professor Jazuya," he calls back.

 

Dammit; He's Professor Young Boy's sibling.

 

Wow, so he's a professor? How did he do that? My cards were everywhere, and he picked them up in one movement? It's impossible.

 

UNLESS YOU'RE CHUCK NORRIS

 

Getting to my feet, I contemplate over what had just happened when I'm suddenly knocked back down. This time, a girl is standing over me. Her long blonde hair shines beautifully in the light, and she is holding a red jacket in her hand much like the professors.

 

Hello LOVE INTEREST trait.

 

Gasping, she helps me up, then bites her lip and runs away. Watching, I can't help but wonder if we'll get some time together while at the academy.

 

I bet an entire chapter of this series would be him trying to get her attention. Dammit, if only he saw panty.

 

I watch as she bounds over to her parents to tell them the good news of being accepted, her hair flying behind her. Her amazing ass just bouncing as she does. Her...

 

Hello LOVE INTEREST trait, again.

 

"Taizen Hiruka."

 

It sucks to be you~!

 

I turn to the fields, expecting for one of the proctors I've seen on the fields to be awaiting me. But instead there's some odd looking woman there, she couldn't possibly be the proctor, could she?

 

[spoiler=SPOILER ALERT]He is.

 

Her hair is tied back into a ponytail, and she wears a dark blue jacket. Staring down at me, she laughs and says, "So, you're the lucky winner of that Industrial Illusions contest, are you?"

 

I expect him to have a Russian VA.

 

"Sorry lady, have we met?"

 

Brain Bleach in 3... 2... 1...

 

"I'M A GUY!, and no, we have not. I'm Dr. Chrowler, and I'll be your exam proctor today. Now let's get this over with, I have things to do,"

 

There it is. And who the hell is Dr. Chrowler? It sounds like a mix of Dr. Crowler and Chowder. It's so damn creepy.

 

he says, walking over to one of the fields.

 

Even though I'm not so good in Grammar (even though my first language was English), I'm pretty sure nobody uses says. Said would be fine though, as long as it isn't capitalized.

 

Grinning, I pull out my deck and run over,

 

He killed Dr. Crowler Chrowler by running him over?

 

standing to the opposite side.

 

BAD COMMA! BAD COMMA! BAD COMMA! BAD COMMA!

 

Smiling as I'm handed an academy grade duel disk, I load my deck and prepare to begin when suddenly another person walks up.

 

...MANSHADOW?

 

This man is slightly larger than the Chrowler chick, and has significantly less hair, none actually.

 

Dammit, if he was only black and had a Mohawk...

Doning a red jacket, he smiles at us and announces,

 

And an undershirt, I would call him Mr. T. Oh forget it, I'm gonna imagine him AS Mr. T.

 

"Chrowler, it seems that this kid isn't the last. Son, could you come out please?"

 

"Chrowler, it seems that this kid isn't the last. Come out fool!"

 

From behind him steps Kuro, who looks nervous. Noticing me, he smiles and waves.

 

icwutudidthar

 

Chrowler, however, doesn't seem amused, and complains, "But Chancellor, you don't expect me to face both of them, do you?"

 

The Chancellor is Mr. T? Fuck yes, he's officially my favorite character.

 

So this guys the Chancellor of the school? That means he's in charge right? Stepping forward, I tell him I have an idea, to which he seems interested and asks me to explain.

 

No, no. You forgot to brainstorm.

 

"Why don't we have a team duel? We'll take on two proctors to get in," I tell him.

 

That's unfair since Chrowler has Mr. T.

 

Grinning, he responds, "Excellent idea, son! Chrowler, you'll be dueling them both."

 

"Good idea fool! Chrowler, you'll be dueling them both."

"And who do you think I'm going to be teaming with?," Chrowler asks, hands on his hips.

 

Micheal Jackson? Jesus, I gotta stop giving out random references at random times. Lemme get my medicine.

 

Looking around, the Chancellor walks off, heading into the stands where he approaches a tall, bearded man wearing a slightly modified blue jacket.

 

...The Giver? Dammit!

 

After talking for a moment, the man gets up and walks down to the field as the Chancellor heads to the announce booth. It's at this time that I notice everyone else has finished their duels, and most have turned their attention to us.

 

Quick, now lets do something card game related to impress everyone by doing something Jaden von Brownhair would do! Like setting up a FTK combo that includes Illusions!

 

Seriously, I don't know what the hell is going on.

 

Suddenly, I hear feedback screech through the room, and then the Chancellors voice, "Everybody, we have a special treat for you! For the last of the entrance duels, there will be a team duel. Proctoring this match will be Dr. Chrowler of the Obelisk Blue dorm, and the new co-dorm advisor, Zeel Trusdale!"

 

I'm about to do something retarded, so if you don't want to see it, I suggest you look down.

 

ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL

 

k, done.

 

Did he just say Trusdale!? As in Zane and Syrus Trusdale, the tag dueling phenomenons!?

 

Canon to the rescue!

 

Both went to Duel Academy in the past, but I had no idea that their father was there. This is amazing, I get to duel the father of two dueling champions, along with Kuro of course.

 

A retarded Japanese kid with a friend whose father is a revered inventor against a man who can be mistaken for a lady paired with the father who looked over one of the most memorable tag teams ever in the history of Yu-Gi-Oh! YuGiOh?

 

MINDFUCKMINDFUCKMINDFUCKMINDFUCKMINDFUCKMINDFUCKMINDFUCK

 

"And the two students who will be dueling for admittence into the academy are Taizen Hiruka, and Kurosaki Motou!"[/i

 

[spoiler=SPOILER ALERT]Kuro's father is ATEM

 

 

The room suddenly goes deathly quiet as everyone, including myself, turns to look at Kuro. Standing there, looking around nervously, he smiles and blushes.

 

Like a girl. If only he was one...

 

I can't believe it...this is impossible. Not only am I in an entrance duel with the father of two legends, but the son of the King of Games himself, Yugi Motou.

 

Yugi didn't do shit! Atem did the hard work, Yugi was just the catalyst.

 

I actually get to duel alongside Yugi's son!? This is unreal. Suddenly, the entire room is deafened by erupting cheers, and everyone around ambushes the area around the field.

 

AMBUSH

 

Looking at me, Kuro slides his disk on and puts his card in. As we turn to our opponents, ready for the duel of our lives, we know that we have to win. This is our one chance to get into Duel Academy, and it's going to be amazing to have helped Yugi's flesh and blood get there. It's time to duel.

 

DUEL

 

Overall, the fan fic was okay. Not excellent, not terrible, just okay. I also realized that we only get a scratch of description of the characters. And those were only the side ones. There is actually more description of the sounds and stuff than there was in character. 8/10.

 

 

 

 

Ruzsudeck, you're my god of comedy although it's nearly killed me of laughter! LMAO

 

But anyway I really like the story though I'm just open minded person, I like everything in Yugioh because it's just entertaining for me but that just MO. Xd

[Rockin' Rollin' Duelist]

Chapter 2 is up!

[CNo.101 S.H. Death Knight]

well to start off it's doesn't make any sense for Zeel to summon a Cyber Dragon when there no monster on the opposing field, it's can only able to special summon when there a monster on the opposing field. Graceful Charity?? that card should be banned, at the look of the era this story taken place, the banlist format should somewhat be up to date. and what is it this that you end the duel so fast??? it's should be long with a miracolous epic win, like show off Taizan's one of his favourite monster for a bit and maybe have Kuro make a move that deliver shocks to taizan, Zeel and Crowler's brain cells lol.

[Rockin' Rollin' Duelist]

Ok, i screwed up on the Cyber Dragon part. But as for being over fast, that was planned.

 

Edit

********

I fixed the Cyber Dragon flaw

[Dr. Cakey]

No.

 

Winning with Magic Cylinder, ESPECIALLY when no one's taken any damage, is just about the worst thing you can do. It's part of the problem with 4k Life Point duels. Not only that, we don't even know what either character uses - Kuro just sets a monster, and the main character...uses a monster that removes itself from play. And that's it.

 

Oh, and I just remembered. Taizan lost. Ancient Gear Golem's attack can't be chained to.

 

That's three strikes against you. See me after class.

[CNo.101 S.H. Death Knight]

No.

 

Winning with Magic Cylinder' date=' ESPECIALLY when no one's taken any damage, is just about the worst thing you can do. It's part of the problem with 4k Life Point duels. Not only that, we don't even know what either character uses - Kuro just sets a monster, and the main character...uses a monster that removes itself from play. And that's it.

 

Oh, and I just remembered. Taizan lost. Ancient Gear Golem's attack can't be chained to.

 

That's three strikes against you. See me after class.

[/quote']

 

oh yeah i forgot's Ancient Gear Golem's effect although it's not always easy to remember, so basically Deadmicheal, you need to redo the duel, it basically have some error, the only card effect can stop Ancient Gear golem are Monster effect.

[Rockin' Rollin' Duelist]

Oh, i forgot. I'll redo it and repost it

[Rockin' Rollin' Duelist]

The new Chapter 2 is up