Yu-Gi-Oh! Zodiac Cross (Chapter 3: First Duel)

[Phantom Roxas]

I actually use Percy Jackson for a bit of inspiration, although in hindsight, Blake's meeting of Cassie and Andrew is like how Harry Potter met Hermione and Ron.

 

The thing is, I intended for their to be over a dozen important characters, but I'll introduce them at a steady rate.

[Cthonian]

It's been a while, but I'm glad you continued this.... I have one too and hope you read it. http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/231356-yu-gi-ohand-so-it-begins-chapter-6-is-up/

[Dr. Cakey]

[spoiler=Growing Praise and Adulation: Episode 11: I'm a Pisces...I Think]

Even though I was only in fifth grade back then, my school, Southfair, had called in people from various schools to get students to prepare students for where they'd go to once they would move on to junior high. Now, there's this card game called Duel Monsters, and it's ridiculously popular around here. I'm an avid player of the game, since it's actually pretty fun, but that's not the point.

I’m not sure what kind of world you’re going for, but generally I’d think it isn’t necessary to say “yugimonz eixts n itz kewl k?”, since we assumed that. I decided for myself that Duel Academy was basically like a trade school. A ridiculously awesome trade school on an island with an active volcano, but a trade school.

 

My point is that out of the schools that showed up to have people register, one of them was from an actual Duel Academy.

An actual Duel Academy, as opposed to a…fake Duel Academy? Is that like a scam Duel Academy made of cardboard?

 

They're really not that different from your typical high school other than the fact that they specialize in playing Duel Monsters.

ZOMG ERROR IN NUMBER AGREEMENT!1!!1!!!!!1!111!1!11!!1

 

“They’re really not that different from your typical high schools other than bla bla bla…”

 

Out of curiosity, I had decided to talk with the representative of the school.

I don’t really know who this kid is, but if there was a Duel Academy rep at my school, I’d start humping their leg the moment I saw them.

 

She was pretty tall, maybe just an inch or so taller than me, and her blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She was dressed in an all-black suit with a name tag that said "Janine O'Hara".

 

"Hi there," she said to me as I approached her desk. "Are you interested in joining Duel Academy?"

Taking my seat, I said, "Sure, I guess. Where are you guys at?"

I’m sure all my readers will be shocked to know that Phantom Roxas – being a Super Mod plying his trade in the Fan-Fics forum – is actually able to write. So this is infinitely better than, say, what I reviewed last time, and probably better than what I can come up with, too.

 

In other Another words, who would actually say, “Where are you guys at?”

 

"Well, we're a boarding school about two hours away from here, in Mecile."

"Two hours? Why did you come all the way over here?"

I’ve had college representatives from other states. Two hours isn’t that far.

 

"Well, we wanted to expand the number of students for future years. We've sent people all across to other states to see if anyone was interested."

 

Now, if I was a little older or a little wiser, I would might have said that was a stupid idea back then, but I was only ten.

ZOMG WOULD MIGHT J00 SUK FANTOM ROXIS U KENT RITE AT ALL!!!!!!!1!!!1!!!!!!11!!!1

 

I dun get it, why is that a stupid idea?

 

It's been two years since that, and because my parents thought it would be nice living somewhere else for a few years and maybe meet some new people, I had spent the last two years making my way through school, trying to structure my deck for the school, and now here I was, on the bus ride to Mecile's Duel Academy, "Zodiac Academy" .

o i get it tahtz wai itz called zodiac cross

 

With my hat covering my face, I was enjoying a little rest as much as I could. I could hear a lot of people chatting with each other, playing video games, or having a nice little duel or too.

Oh come on, do I really need to give a to/too/two rant?

 

<Insert rant here>

 

Everybody get it now?

 

Fortunately, the seats were very comfortable. The bus probably had over thirty people in it, and I think there were still a few seats left.

 

We were probably driving for about an hour when we had to make a stop. I hadn't gotten much rest, but I guessed it was enough. We were going to take a bathroom break, and it sounded like we were going to pick up some more people. I didn't bother to ask why they couldn't have just sent another bus, but I figured it was more convenient this way.

I think it would be way more awesomer to get to Duel Academy by helicopter rather than bus, but that’s what you get for not having your school on a tropical volcanic island.

 

As the new kids kept piling on the bus, I noticed that some of them already knew some of the people on the bus, and so they sat with them. A couple people had to sit near the back, which was where I was sitting, so I had to move myself to the window seat. I was joined by some blond boy and a black-haired girl,

Gender equality ftw

 

who both pushed their bags under their seats like me. The boy was wearing a white long-sleeved shirt and some black pants, and the girl was dressed in nearly the opposite, with a black short-sleeved top and some white pants.

I would like them to be tag duelists and both use a Chess deck. I have proclaimed it, now it must be canon.

 

At first I paid them no mind, instead looking outside the window as we passed by more houses and shops, but then the blond kid tapped me on the shoulder. "So what's your name?" he had asked me.

"I'm Blake," I said as I turned my head. "And you are?"

"I'm Andrew."

"And I'm Cassie," the girl said with a little wave. I looked past them to see if there were still any more open seats in our row, but there weren't. Well, at least there was someone to talk to.

"Want to duel?" I suggested, already reaching for my deck from my bag.

Andrew shook his head. "No, we can wait till we get to the Academy. Besides, it's a little cramped here even for a table duel, right?"

I felt embarrassed after that, so I tried to think of something to change the subject.

You should be double-spacing between lines of dialogue – they’re paragraphs, too, you know.

 

"So what school did you go to?" Cassie asked.

"I went to Southfair." I pretended to ignore that they had no idea where that was.

 

For the rest of the bus ride, I left Andrew and Cassie to amongst themselves

OMFG FANTOM ROXUS KENT RITE AT ALL WTF HE SHUDNT EVEN B A MOD!11!11!111!!!!1!1111

 

No, but seriously folks, “to amongst themselves”? Um…*headdesk*.

 

as I looked through my deck for all of ten minutes. I run a Gladiator Beast deck,

Oh. Good. Gladiator Beasts. Exactly what we wanted to hear.

 

and I wanted to make sure it was organized properly, just in case I had to duel the instant I got to the Academy. After that, I went back to taking my nap.

It occurs to me suddenly that this Duel Academy is junior high. Yes, I know that was mentioned in the second sentence – actually the first – but the enormity of this hasn’t struck me until now. Excluding the fact that unless you’re Artemis Fowl, I don’t see how a twelve-year-old could possibly be able to win at children’s card games – well, look, you know what I mean. I think their arguments usually have less to do with when Darksoul’s effect resolves and more to do with whether or not MST negates. Again, I’m not sure where you intend to take this, but it’s always much harder to make the sort of far-reaching plots successfully with younger characters.

 

Also, we’re teenagers and so hate children because they’re all happy and energetic whereas we’re emo and chronically tired.

 

It didn't take too long, but it came as no surprise to me when Andrew started shaking my shoulder and telling me that we were finally there.

And then the chapter ended. That’s it. Seriously.

 

This is one of the shortest chapters I’ve reviewed, and it’s extremely unsatisfying because it fails to have an Inciting Incident. Of course, many anime – especially longer ones – don’t have their Inciting Incident in the first episode. Instead, these episodes have self-contained plots – which is a fancy way of saying that Jaden duels Crowler in the first episode. In this entire episode, nothing plot-relevant happened. Oh, a few story-relevant things happened – he is go 2 dool academy, sum ppl hav namez, he can has glads – but no conflict occurred. In other Another words, nothing happened.

 

[Phantom Roxas]

Thanks for the review, and for pointing out the glaring grammar mistakes. I fixed it, so hopefully it's not as painful to read.

 

The explanation of Duel Monsters' existence was to serve as a lead-in to the "Oh, there's a Duel Academy" point.

 

I have a personal liking for Gladiator Beasts, so that's why I did that. I make myself part of the basis for the main character, but I try to make them develop into their own character so it's not some Wish Fulfillment Insert Fic like Twilight or Eragon.

 

As for the lack of the Inciting Incident, I'll admit to that being full laziness (Gasp, laziness? Y R U A mod?) on my part, since Chapter 1 was supposed to be all about introducing the main characters. Besides, Jaden vs. Crowler rip-offs are so overdone.

Edited March 17, 2011 by Phantom Roxas