Joey Miles Posted July 3, 2010 Report Share Posted July 3, 2010 now before i actually post my proluge i want people to know this is an original book that i wrote and im posting it here for cristizem. im only posting at the most 3 chapters i just want to know what people think of my work. all that is writen here is copy righted by me and i do not want anyone using anything that i post other then that please enjoy and let me know what you guys think. new chapter 1! [spoiler=proluge]Prologue Long ago there was a magma covered planet. Its people had been a cruel evil race who tried to turn against God himself and rule the universe with their mystical powers. Six of the tribes on the planet saw what was happening though and left to do Gods work. When they were left God saw no hope for the planet and destroyed all that inhabited it. Over the years the planet grew old and was forgotten by all. Then one day a large dimensional hole ripped open in the planets sky and the Six tribes of Not returned to their home. When they saw that God had destroyed their planet they were heart broken that the people there had all died. Then the leaders of the tribes came up with a great idea they would change this planet into a new one for them to live on. It would be a planet of peace and happiness they decided. So the tribes went to work. Each tribe holding a great and mighty weapon would shape a piece of this planet and together it would be a new home for them. First the Nomads of Gale with their beautiful Cross Blades of wind made of pure silver cooled the planets surface and brought gentle breezes. Next the Warriors of the Flame with their mighty sword The Warriors Flame a sword made of the strongest metal and a handle of garnet calmed the volcanoes on the planet making sure they would not erupt again. Next the Thinkers of the Earth with their great knowledge and power shaped the mountains valleys hills and plains. Then with the Subterria Hammer-Sith restored the soils fertility. Next Healers of the Leaves with their soothing voices and the Harp of Leaves brought all kinds of plants to the planet and healed the planets hurt core. Up next was the Bards of the Ocean with the Orb of the Sea which contained enough water to flood earth ten times over. They brought water to the planet filling the oceans, seas, lakes, rivers, and streams. It then came down to the final tribe who were the strongest and kindest of the six tribes. The Rulers of Lightning and their greatest tool the Staff of Storms a weapon with massive power. With this weapon they brought calm rain storms to the planet as well as order to their new home. When it was all said and done they rejoiced that their new home was now finished. Once they had built their homes they celebrated with a great feast. The bards played their instruments and the healers sang. The nomads cooked the food while the thinkers told stories to the children. Almost everyone was happy except the leader of the Warriors of the Flame, Rash-o-Ri. He believed that the rulers of lightning were unfit to rule over this new planet and he was determined to take control himself. He challenged the king of the rulers King Maelstrom to a battle for control and lost. Seeing that he would not let the defeat go the tribes banished him from the planet forcing him to never return. Before he left he vowed revenge on those who left him for dead and forced him to leave. After this the tribes saw it fit to move the planet to a different dimension to protect it from all outside threats. With the combined might of their powers they sent the planet into a rift between the dimensions then locked away the very tools they used to shape the planet and move it to safety. They then had one final task to perform they had to name their new home. They called it Poweron with this they became the powerians no longer just wandering tribes that sailed through the universe without a home. [spoiler=chapter1]Chapter 1 Dreams of the Beginning Faster…..Faster…….Faster!!! Those were the only thoughts that run trough my head. Faster....Run Faster! I pumped my legs as fast as they could go as I was avoided trees. A large thunder storm was building over head as I ran trough this forest. I barely was able to duck my head down as a stream of fire flew over it burning the hairs atop my wolven ears. I ran faster now knowing that if I stopped even for a second I was done for. Thunder crashed over head as the storm threatened to brake open its mighty force. Another stream of fire flew by me this time almost hitting my arm. The adrenaline that was pumping through my veins, it burned like fire but it made me move faster. I don’t know how long I ran for it seemed like hours, but it could have only been minutes. I kept running until I reached a great canyon. It stretched a mile wide and two miles long. I heard my attackers’ twisted laugh he didn’t even have to worry now, his prey was trapped and he was now moving in for the kill.I turned to face him determined not to show any fear in my last moments. I wasn’t expecting to see him though. The twisted white smile, the jade green eyes that cut straight through me, and the fire that he held in his hands, burning a deep, hellfire red. He was something that you would only expect to see in a nightmare when you’re little, but unfortunately I don’t think this is a dream. I had maybe ten more seconds before he attacked me then it was over. I could try to block it with my shield, but it was almost drained or I could jump and hope that I would land somewhere that wouldn’t kill me. He laughed at me one more time just as I made my decision. He put his hands together making one ball of fire to finally finish me off. As thunder crashed over head he attacked and I back flipped into the canyon. It was a bold choice I had made, but also a fools choice. By jumping I had prolonged my death but made sure it would happen.I fell down into the dark abyss that would eventually claim my life. It felt like an eternity falling down like that but it seemed almost peaceful. I finally saw the bottom approaching me at an accelerated pace. I put my remaining power to my shield with little hope it would save me. Unfortually I had nothing left I was drained and it was all over. As I apprched my death I screamed………………………………it……….was…….simply….over. I sat up in my bed sweating hard as my dream let go of its hold on me. It took a minute for me to calm myself from the terrible nightmare. I threw off my tangled blankets and took a deep breath in letting in fill my lungs. With that I knew it was only a dream but the dream felt so real to me. It was as if I had seen my own future but it wasn’t possible it couldn’t be.My name is Joey Saber Miles or Joey S. Miles for short. I live on a planet called Poweron where believe it or not everyone has what people on earth refer to as super powers. I live in a time on Poweron where life is becoming stressed for us all. You see even though our planets founders the Six Tribes of Not intended for us to live a life of peace with no war or pain but things have gone down hill. I guess it all started with the rulers of lightning disipared but we can’t be sure. Even though life has become like that we have done our best to work together and live in harmony. Anyway let’s get back to the story I’ll fill you in on more details as we go.I got out of bed slowly letting the shock of my nightmare ware off. I went to my bathroom and got ready to take a shower and as I did I noticed something new. When I looked in the mirror I noticed what changes I had gone through. My strawberry blonde hair had turned a dark blue gray; the blue in my eyes had drained to a calm gray. That’s not all that had happened I had grow taller to about 6’2 and my muscles were more defined, stronger, but I was still lean.Woops forgot to mention something you guys. If you’re wondering how I changed some much and that is weird then you’re wrong. Changing like that is actually normal. You see before we can use our powers we have to go through Poweron puberty as we call it. It takes about a month tops and during that time we rapidly change so our body’s can handle the power we get.After I took a shower I headed downstairs. My mom and my twin had left all ready and I had to fend for myself for breakfast. Not even 30 seconds after I had sat down did my best friend max come in the door. Suddenly a large thump sounded in the front hallway. Did I say came in I meant to say tripped in. Max has been my friend for years and even though he looks normal he tends to be goofy. “Hey Joey what’s up.” He walked into the kitchen and stood by the fridge as I ate.“Nothing much max. Just a question here how do you mange to trip every time you walk in my door?” it was true he did trip quite often.“Don’t know, but its pretty fun! Oh by the way Joey you’ve got to check this out.” Max ran over to me and pulled up the back of his shirt reveling to little wings well nubs is more accurate. He flapped them for a second then put his shirt back down. “Aren’t they cool?”I tried my best not to burst out laughing at him but it was proving difficult. “Their cool max.” I managed to get that out without laughing at him.“I know I can’t wait till they get bigger then I’ll be able to fly anywhere I want to go!” max lifted his shirt and flapped them once more and I burst out laughing. He shot me a glare then laughed himself. “Ok I know their funny now but just wait. Besides you’re not in much of a position to laugh mister blue hair.” He said. After I recovered from laughing we got our stuff and headed off to school. Max and I practically ran the whole way considering what day it was. That’s right people today we get our powers. You see we actually are born with our powers but they get locked away until we receive proper training on the way powers work and what happens to our body’s when we do get them. Usually we have to wait until we are around 17,000 years old to get our powers which I have to say is pretty young. Oh that’s right did I forget to mention that people on my planet live for crazy amounts of time. I myself happen to be 17,000 years old on the dot. I think the oldest person to ever live on Poweron died an unnatural death at 5 billion years old. Its ok it really doesn’t matter I guess. Well back to the story.Max and I walked through the streets of New Hope city on our way to school. As we did I took in the breath taking scenery. At first glance at the humble city it looked like just a small Serbian town but when you stopped and looked around for real you would see something amazing. The streets had shops lined up on them with the venders giving out to other the products. The capital building of our city shined a pristine blue and gold. As we passed people in the street they greeted up with smiling faces and good intentions. Even though Poweron was become worse each day it still held true what our founders wanted it to. It was a utopia for us a place to live in peace. How much long that would last was unknown though. The large nations of our planet were threating to go to war with each other and let me say when large races of people with super powers fight its worse than you would believe.“Hey Joey, Max where you two off to?” I turned my head to see Dr. Lovit the town’s doctor. He was a very kind person and I saw him a lot when I was younger due to all the times I got hurt.“Hey Dr. Lovit. We’re off to training. Today’s the day they unlock our powers.” I said excitedly. He nodded at us and went on his way to work and we continued on to the training school. As we arrived at the large building that resembled a large gym we noticed a large crowd gathered near the front door. As we got closer we heard someone shouting.“Where’s Joey! I’m gonna kill him!” the voice yelled. I had about ten seconds to tense myself up as a figure flew though the crowd and slammed his fist into my gut. A little air escaped my mouth as pain shot through my midsection but I brushed it aside as I returned the punch to the persons face. Nick R. Blaze the school bully stood before me as my vision cleared and allowed me to see who I had hit. He stood at exactly 6 foot 1 and was built like a body builder. His hair which had been a jet black was now red and orange and resembled a large flame. His dark brown eyes had turned to a jade green and his skin had tanned down to a Latino color. Just like me he must have gone through Poweron puberty last night but instead thought I had played a prank on him. Before I could throw another punch at him he glared at me with an evil smile to boot and i froze up as the face from my nightmare flashed through my head allowing him to run up and grab me by the neck and lift me off the ground.He slammed me against a wall and glared at me. “I know you did it miles so fess up or your dead.” He growled in his deep voice that sounded like a burning fire.I choked out a laugh and looked at him. “Want me candle head you probably went through the last stage of Poweron puberty last night now put me down.” I said as spots started to flash before my eyes.“I know it was you what else would have turned my cool black hair this color.” Hey yelled at me. He pushed me harder against the building and tightened his grip on my throat. “Now fess up!” he barked.Large black and red spots now danced before my eyes as I struggled to breathe unable to speak. Out of the corner of my eyes were the spots weren’t I saw max running at nick full speed. Max jumped into the air and came down atop nicks shoulder with his foot making him loose his grip on my throat. I fell to the ground and started to rapidly take in air like a fish out of water. As the spots cleared I saw max dancing around nicks fists while he delivered blows of his own. As I stood up fully intending to fight nick a light flashed and nick and max were suspended in the air by an unseen force.“Enough!” barked our teacher Mrs. Rainzella. “You boys should know better than this now get inside both of you.” She told them as she walked over to me. As everyone filed into the building she looked over me making sure that I was ok.I have to say I loved my teacher mrs. Rainzella she was kind loving and well to put it simply hot. She also was only about 10thousand years older then anyone in our class so she was able to relate to us.“Joey you need to be more careful otherwise you’ll get yourself killed. Your life is much more important than you think.” She said as we walked inside. She told me to go to my spot on the large gym floor and proceeded to the front of the room.“good morning class.” She said in her voice that sounded like wind chimes.Oh I forgot to tell you something about my people. You see we each speak a different language then any of the others no two people speaking the same language. The cool this is that our powers wither unlocked or not filter the words and let us know what the other one is saying. This is what accounts for our voices sounding like wind chimes or fire. My voice I’ve been told sounds like running water mixed with electricity. It sounds pretty cool but I don’t see the point in it.“Good morning Mrs. Rainzella.” The class said in unison.“now as you all know today you will have your powers unlocked and you be allowed to start pursing your own goals in life.” She said.That’s another thing about my people. Because we live for so long we are allowed to pursue and do whatever we want in life. There’s no need for money or set jobs. The only reason we have jobs is for those who want to work them otherwise we are free to do whatever makes us happy. It’s quite an easy life I have to say.“Now I will call you all up one by one and unlock your powers. Let’s begin.” she started with people with A in their last names and started to move on. She got to the B’s and Nick was the first one up.He walked to the front of the class and Mrs. Rainzella said a few words with her left hand above his head. The words she said rang in my ears and Nick began to sweat. At first it was just a signal bead of sweat on his forehead but then it started to spread. His skin turned red as if he had been running a marathon and a small hole started to burn through the front of his shirt. Suddenly his hair lit on fire and his shirt burst into flames. Even though his hair and shirt were on fire he didn’t show any fear in his eyes but you could see his jaw clenched in pain. Then the fire subsided his shirt was burnt off save s small scrap on his shoulder. His hair was no longer on fire and his skin seemed to have cooled down. His hands were open though and in them sat two flames. He smiled smugly and looked at me. If I didn’t get a good power I was dead.Mrs. Rainzella went through the names until she came to max’s.“Max Kaze.” She said and I watched as my friend got up and stood there before the class. “Nano Co Masani” she said as she put her hand over his head.As she did a breeze blew through the gym and wisps of air could be visibly seen around max’s body. The wind picked up and max was surrounded by a miniature tornado that touched him and only him. The sound of the air tearing at him was stomach turning but max never once made a sound. When the tornado subsided max was left standing there with the wisps of air still circling him. His wings had grown out to full and had ripped through the back of his shirt. On the left he had an angelic wing pristine and white and on the right the wing was a dark black like a raven’s wing. That’s not all that had changed though. His brown hair was now white with a lock of black in the front. He had grown too he was now 6 feet tall instead of 5’7. Even his body had changed from its plain old skinny look to now more of a lean muscle look.He walked back to his seat and the process continued until my name was reached. When she called my name things seemed to move slowly as I walked to the front of the classroom. I can remember every little detail of everything that happened before my powers were unlocked. As I stood in front of the class felt a strange sense of fear come over me as Mrs. Rainzella put her hand above my head.“Nano Co Masani.” As she said that I understood what it meant finally. Let the power of your heart shine through.At first I felt nothing but that didn’t last long. As I stood there I felt as if someone ran cold fingers down my back and my body went ridged. It didn’t hurt much when it started but when the pain came it was horrible. A surge of what can only be described as electricity ripped through me and tore through my body at extreme paces. The first surge was the easiest but after that it only got worse. Surge after surge of electricity ran through my body and tore at my skin. I heard the sound of cotton ripping as my shirt shreaded of my chest. When I looked around I could see electricity flashing past my eyes. I fell to the ground when it stoped thinking that my pain was over. I was wrong for it was just the calm before the true storm. Another surge ripped through my body and I screamed out in agony. I was now on my hands and knees as the power ripped through me again. I looked around and saw many things. I saw Mrs. Rainzella saying something but it fell on deaf ears. Nick was standing there smiling at my pain and max look horrified. Then I passed out.I was floating in a dark abyss. I looked around but saw nothing. “Am I dead?” I whispered. No answer not good.“Hello is anyone here!” I yelled out. Still no answer. “Hello Please somebody!” I yelled now getting desperate. This time I heard a little girl giggle. “Don’t worry your safe.” The voice said. “Where am I?” I asked the voice. It giggled again. “You’re safe in your mind. The pain was too much for you but you’ll be fine. Just know that after today your life will never be the same.” The voice said.Before I could ask what it meant a bright light surrounded me and I found myself on my hands and knees one again on the gym floor.“Joey! Joey! Are you ok.” A voice said. As my vision cleared I saw max and Mrs. Rainzella standing over me. “Yah, yah I’m fine.” I said quietly in a horse voice. With max’s help I stood up and went back to where my spot was and the process of people unlocking their powers continued. “Max what happened to me?” I asked.“When your powers unlocked they must have been too painful for you because you nearly passed out. Man you had electricity coursing around you dude” max said calmly but you could tell he was still afraid I was hurt.“Wait electricity does that mean that I got.” I started to say but couldn’t finish the words caught in my throat.“You have electricity powers Joey.” Max said looking away from me.Electricity I couldn’t believe it. Electric powers were the worst possible power you could get. It was completely useless and I was stuck with it. You see electricity has and always will be the most useless power. The most you can do with it was put up a weak shield of electricity and shoot a small bolt of electricity.I sat there thinking to myself about this until the class was over. We all were left to go and join Poweron now and I wasn’t ready to. With max’s help I stood up and started to leave but unfortually nick hadn’t forgotten about me. Max who had forgotten something ran to go grab it and when he did nick took the opportunity to do what he had wanted to do since the day he met me. As I stood there I felt the air grow hot and on instinct my body reacted and moved out of the way of a large stream of fire.“Nice dodge Joey but do you think you can keep it up with your weak electricity powers and no one to help you.” Nick taunted. I glared at nick and placed myself into a fighting position. “I don’t need powers to beat the crude out of you.” I growled and so it began the fight that would change everything for me. Even as I look back on it now I know that if this hadn’t happened then nothing would have turned out as it had. Wither this was for better or for worse I couldn’t tell you but it changed everything.I flew at nick fists balled up ready to knock him silly but he didn’t move. As I got close enough to hit him his said a single word and a wall of fire flared up before him.That’s something I forgot to say earlier. In order for powerians to use their powers in combat they must use a release word for them. I jumped back avoiding the wall like the plague. “What’s the matter Joey don’t like playing with fire?” nick said with malice in his voice. He rushed at me with his fists ablaze grinning the whole time. He came with those fiery fists and I dodged the best I could. As I dodged around his blows I noticed that my reflexes and my speed had increased. It was easy to dodge him now because he seemed to move in slow motion. There was a slight problem though. Every time I would go to punch him he would just throw up that wall of fire making me have to retreat away. After my third unsuccessful assault I jumped back and decided to see what my weak powers could do. As the electricity built in my hands I started to notice something weird. The air started to obtain a sort of glow to it. Three colors were most prominent though Blue, red and yellow. The red was emitting from everyone and I quickly realized it was heat. The yellow was running through the walls of the building it must be electricity but the blue I couldn’t figure out.“Thunder shock!” I yelled as I put my hands before me letting loose a weak electrical bolt at nick. He looked at it and simply brushed it aside as if it was nothing to him and began to advance again.I realized that my electrical bolt wasn’t going to work so I changed my tactics. When he got close to me like he had done with fire I put up a shield of electricity. Though mine was weaker by a great amount it did make him back off. He moved back the maximum distance from me and grinned. Fire build in his hands as the rest of his body seemed to turn dark. It was over he was going to finish this with one blast of fire and I want going to be able to avoid it without letting other people get hurt.As the fire built in those last few seconds and timed slowed I felt something heavy in my pocket. I reached in and there sat a heavy gold pendent with blue lightning bolts and a black thunder cloud upon it. A voice whispered into my ear.“Use it well.” The voice giggled.Involuntarily I put the pendent around my neck and for some reason I calmed down. “Flamethrower!” nick yelled as he unleashed a giant stream of fire at me.As it approached me an unseen force took control over me. It could have been an angel watching me and helping or it could have just been something in the back of my mind reacting with the knowledge of how to win I did something unbelievable. I put my right hand before me with two fingers sticking out. The flames went into my fingers and I could feel the blazing energy rip through me. It didn’t hurt but it was strange like a foreign presence. The energy gathered in my left hand that like the right had two fingers sticking out. I quickly moved my right hand back to my body as the fire stopped and pulled all the energy together and redirected it back out through those two fingers on my left hand.“Thunderbolt!” I yelled in a voice that wasn’t quite all my own. The large bolt of electricity raced through the air at nick whose face turned from smug to fear. It slammed directly into his chest sending him flying backwards with electricity running around him. I dropped to my knees breathing hard as soon as I regained control of myself and max rushed over to me. Without a word he helped me up and we left not letting anything stop us on the way to my house. few more reviews and im gonna post chapter 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TheFinalFan Posted July 3, 2010 Report Share Posted July 3, 2010 Good idea, but you need to work on the grammar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Miles Posted July 3, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2010 i figured as much there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Killer Posted July 3, 2010 Report Share Posted July 3, 2010 Wow, Joey. This story was right on the dot. However, I thought Rash-o-Ri was your dragon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Miles Posted July 3, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2010 thats Yen-si man get the names right Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeroukoo Posted July 3, 2010 Report Share Posted July 3, 2010 Good job Joey. The grammar could be a little better, but other than that, very good. Didn't know you had it in ya. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Miles Posted July 3, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2010 lol ty despite being dislexic i try hard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Killer Posted July 3, 2010 Report Share Posted July 3, 2010 Srry joey, just remember. . . I'm not good at names Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Miles Posted July 3, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2010 what ever just remeber yen-si is the dragon later rosh-o-ri evil bugger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MortalKombatSmoke Posted July 5, 2010 Report Share Posted July 5, 2010 It's good I liked it! Just work on the Grammar! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Miles Posted July 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 5, 2010 i fix the gammer mistakes last this way i can work more on the story than anything. so for all of you reading this please know that. im mainly trying to make it a good book for now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Miles Posted July 7, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 7, 2010 bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady_Killer Posted July 9, 2010 Report Share Posted July 9, 2010 Nick scene. I like how you explained all the customs and science behind the characters of your story. The fight scenes were also very explicite and vivid, All these characteristics makes for a very good story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted July 9, 2010 Report Share Posted July 9, 2010 Lolz because every single person says about grammer. Well, true. Yet. The plot is absolutely amazing. Unique and epic, this seems great...owait. If you look closer, it says:Long ago there was a magma covered planet. This seems a bit doubtful. Think. If those six tribes lived in a Magma Planet, then they wouldn't need to actually make rivers, or do anything like that when recreating it for themselves! In fact, they'll freeze to death if one goes to the sea in the summer. They can keep all powers except one to themselves, and that one is the power of the Warriors of the Flame. WOTF: Hey, guys! Let's just go fill the planet's surface with magma! HAAAAHHH!!!*Fills planet surface with magma*Other tribes: Oh, good! Our perfect habitat is restored. Yay!Rulers of Lightning: We had nothing to do. We would give our place to the WOTF.Rash-o-Ri: What...? Okay! Therefore, I might want to change that major plot hole by making the original planet into something like a earth like the current one we know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Miles Posted July 9, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2010 the planet was once habitble untill god destroyed it thaats why its COVERED IN MAGMA! ever wonder why its called the planet of the damned Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted July 10, 2010 Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 ...Seems a bit confusing. If so, why were the tribes able to live back then? But I get your point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Miles Posted July 10, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 they were able to live because God hadnt destroyed the habitly worl yet. and before he did he sent away the 6 tribes keeping them safe. better now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted July 10, 2010 Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 So when the evil tribe came out, it wasn't a magma planet yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Miles Posted July 10, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 nope it wasnt it says that the people were evil blah blah balh so God wrecked the planet. lol other then that did you enjoy it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brimtosis Posted July 10, 2010 Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 ....Nice. I like it. You did a great job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Miles Posted July 10, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 ty wow if this keeps up im gonna have to post the second chapter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pegasasu Posted July 11, 2010 Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 It's really friggen awesome. You used nice imagery, and the plot itself is awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Miles Posted July 11, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 ty ive been working on it for a long time now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Compass Posted July 12, 2010 Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 Oh dear.This was pretty good, acaully. I'm not the best reader or writer, but in my eyes the storyline seems to be developing nicely. As well, The pro loge was a nice touch, but completely unnessissary.Thus, 4 out of 5 for major awkwardness and spelling errors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Miles Posted July 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 lol im dislexic spelling wont happen but ty for the comment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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