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The Mushroom Kingdom


Clair

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I'm pretty good at push-ups, and my mile time is decent.

 

I'm more of a sprinter than I am long-distance, but my mile time is currently hovering around 6:50. I remember back in like sixth grade when I could run a 6:20 mile. Yeah... that is not going to happen again any time soon. <___<

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I'm more of a sprinter than I am long-distance, but my mile time is currently hovering around 6:50. I remember back in like sixth grade when I could run a 6:20 mile. Yeah... that is not going to happen again any time soon. <___<

 

Mile time is 7:42. >.<

 

Okay at sprinting, but not the best.

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I'm definitely not an upper body strenth kind of person. Though I am probably a lot more athletic than most other nerds you know. I can run my mile in around 6:15.

 

I like Phantom Hourglass, it wasn't as good as Wind Waker, but it wasn't as bad as Spirit Tracks.

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It's a pretty cool game. The basic idea is that you place blocks while running from Zombies or something like that.

 

www.minecraft.net explains it better then I can.

 

See, Dark's faster than I am. ;_;

 

It was a good read, Dane. I have barely had time to edit it, though. ><

 

I'm definitely not an upper body strenth kind of person. Though I am probably a lot more athletic than most other nerds you know. I can run my mile in around 6:15.

 

I like Phantom Hourglass, it wasn't as good as Wind Waker, but it wasn't as bad as Spirit Tracks.

 

You guys run fast miles. O_o

My mile time was 6:52. xD

 

Link's Awakening will forever be my favorite Zelda game.

because it's the only one I could beat

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SAINT DANEEE~

 

I edited your thing and sent it back to you, didja get my PM? :3

 

Yeah.

 

A lot of it was little things I missed during proofreading it, like when I would have a 'n' instead of 'in'.

 

The larger mistakes are due to the way I write in general, and I've noticed I speak in the same way. Both are things I'm trying to correct.

 

Anything to do with character development and dialogue I haven't had much practice in.

 

I'm trying to improve, but it will take a while. More practice is what I need. Lot and lots of practice.

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I believe you should send Clair the edited version so she can pick up on errors I missed (and see if I made any errors on my corrections), as opposed to giving you the same errors I already pointed out.

 

I don't fully understand the context the passage is being used in, but if the characters don't need to be developed, you can ignore comments about that. I was treating it as if it was a beginning passage from a story, where the characters didn't have much personality and the writer was supposed to fill that in. One thing I didn't mention is work on your speech. When characters talk, you want to exemplify their personality, but don't make it sound like they are bad at English. Give them some better sentence structure, vocab, et cetera. And as I said, try to use compound sentences or more sentences in general to give them more life, if you need to.

 

 

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I believe you should send Clair the edited version so she can pick up on errors I missed (and see if I made any errors on my corrections), as opposed to giving you the same errors I already pointed out.

 

I don't fully understand the context the passage is being used in, but if the characters don't need to be developed, you can ignore comments about that. I was treating it as if it was a beginning passage from a story, where the characters didn't have much personality and the writer was supposed to fill that in. One thing I didn't mention is work on your speech. When characters talk, you want to exemplify their personality, but don't make it sound like they are bad at English. Give them some better sentence structure, vocab, et cetera. And as I said, try to use compound sentences or more sentences in general to give them more life, if you need to.

 

I should actually.

 

It's not being used as an actual story, but it's being used in a contest. That's why I wasn't too worried about length, and that's probably why it seemed choppy. I haven't worked with character development much, so the tips are appreciated. I don't know what it is with me. When I'm not working on a story, I can type and speak the English language usually fine, but the moment I start working on a story, it goes downhill.

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I found Wind Waker to be just plain-out fun. Definently has the best replay value of the LoZ series. Phantom Hourglass has the 2nd best replay value (who doesn't like the fun puzzles in that game?). MM has the 3rd best (3 days and tons of side quests make this game fun).

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I should actually.

 

It's not being used as an actual story, but it's being used in a contest. That's why I wasn't too worried about length, and that's probably why it seemed choppy. I haven't worked with character development much, so the tips are appreciated. I don't know what it is with me. When I'm not working on a story, I can type and speak the English language usually fine, but the moment I start working on a story, it goes downhill.

 

Actually, Dark brings up a good point.

I think you should do that as well. :D

 

I found Wind Waker to be just plain-out fun. Definently has the best replay value of the LoZ series. Phantom Hourglass has the 2nd best replay value (who doesn't like the fun puzzles in that game?). MM has the 3rd best (3 days and tons of side quests make this game fun).

 

Wind Waker...

 

I need to rent that game again. You're making me want to play it. xD

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Clair, the invisible period is still there. <___< (Just saying, not that it poses a problem, but it was lulzy.)

 

I personally liked Wind Waker up until the end, since finding the Triforce pieces and paying Tingle was really, really monotonous and boring. But I haven't "owned" a Zelda game yet. I believe my first will either be Majora's Mask on the VC or Ocarina of Time on the 3DS.

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Good. You want to play it. Don't rent it, buy it.

 

I'm almost broke. ;____;

Plus, someone already spoiled the ending for me.

 

R.I.P. Hyrule King.

 

 

 

NOW I NEED IT

 

Clair, the invisible period is still there. <___< (Just saying, not that it poses a problem, but it was lulzy.)

 

So it is, so it is.

...

I might just leave it there for no apparent reason.

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Ask people to find it, and see if they are actually smart enough (and again, it doesn't pose a "problem", so it'd be lulzy).

 

But I'll wait for your confirmation before sending everyone out on a scavenger hunt. =)

 

Plus, someone already spoiled the ending for me.

 

WAS IT CHUGGAACONROY?! HE SPOILS EVERYTHING FOR ME.

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I personally liked Wind Waker up until the end, since finding the Triforce pieces and paying Tingle was really, really monotonous and boring. But I haven't "owned" a Zelda game yet. I believe my first will either be Majora's Mask on the VC or Ocarina of Time on the 3DS.

 

Tingle was the only feature in the game that kept it from achieving a perfect 10 in my book. Nintendo could have given us one last regular, but incredibly long and hard dungeon with an amazing boss battle for the triforce of courage. It could be a dungeon underwater to the south of the Tower of Gods that is revealed once the master sword is revived, but nintendo chose to go with a bunch of tedious side quests with even more tedious prices.

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Ask people to find it, and see if they are actually smart enough (and again, it doesn't pose a "problem", so it'd be lulzy).

 

But I'll wait for your confirmation before sending everyone out on a scavenger hunt. =)

 

Plus, someone already spoiled the ending for me.

 

WAS IT CHUGGAACONROY?! HE SPOILS EVERYTHING FOR ME.

 

I removed the link, though. I think. O_o

 

NOT CHUGGAA

YOUTUBE

inb4wellthat'syourfault

 

Chugga needs to respect people more. D:<

 

HE RUINED PIKMAN FOR ME.

 

...

How did he manage that? xD

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