Avatar the last air bender - Leaves from the Vine - The Lu Ten chronicles.

[Orza]

[align=center]

Leaves on the Vine

 

This book follows Lu Ten's life. The son of the great Iroh, during the invasion of the fire nation, it portraits Lu Ten as a vicious character who soon learns a true lesson in life.

 

Reviewers will receive one positive reputation point. However, please review once more is released.

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1]

[spoiler=Page 1]

Lu Ten gazed out at the stars of the harsh ebony night. Rubbing the surface of his foot against the solid decking… it punished his feet.

 

His clothes were that of royals, long crimson fire nation robes, a crisp collar with gold lining on the outside, of which matched his eyes, the robe was buttoned up tightly in a traditional Wushu style. Lu Ten was a proud fire nation warrior and next in line to the thrown after his father Iroh; “The great dragon of the west”.

 

Lu Ten grazed his hand along the banister of the balcony and slowly walked down a few short steps. His hands clasped together, firmly behind his back, he carried on walking until he reached a small pond, in the middle of which rested a Bonsai tree. Looking at his reflection in the water it was an elusive grey, alike Lu Ten’s heart.

 

“General Lu Ten, General Lu Ten!” Lu Ten pivoted his head toward the left, only to see a young soldier in red fire nation uniform sprinting towards him. “General Lu Ten, orders from General Wong.” Opening a fire nation scroll he read aloud “Dear General Lu Ten, a riot is forming down the east side of Ba Sing Sei, please report immediately, General Wong.”

 

“Very well” Lu Ten said, his eyes shut in lapse. “I will report as wished”

Lu Ten shortly arrived at the east. Men scattered all over with torches, pitchforks and anything of that matter.

 

“What do you want?” Lu Ten said over the voices of the crowd. “We want our crops and families back” a burly man at the front said, wearing an old straw hat and chewing on a piece of wheat. “Do you know how many lives you’ve ruined?” another said. “Silence!” Lu Ten commanded, you will go back to your homes and you will obey the fire nation’s every command.

 

“Not until our demands are met…” this time, the voice was calm as a large tenacious man stepped forward, with a strong fat build and a long grey beard, age was not on his side.

 

“And just who do you think you are?” “I am Bo Dang, and just who are you, invading our homes!?” “I am General Lu Ten, prince of the fire nation and next in heir to the thrown” Lu Ten replied.

 

“Please meet our orders Prince Lu Ten, or we will be forced to take matters into are own hands” “And just what can you do?” Lu Ten questioned. Bo Dang took a secure fighting stance, his legs spread apart with his knees bent. He held his right fist in and he spread his left hand’s palm. “So… you’re an earth bender… hardly surprising” Lu Ten declared.

 

Bo Dang shot his right fist forwards, twisting his arm as he did. A shot of earth pummelled out of the ground knocking Lu Ten off of his feet.

Lu Ten flipped himself up and swept his leg across his body, hurtling a

 

blitz of fire towards Bo Dang, this not being Bo Dang’s first time fighting a fire nation soldier simply fended it off by forcing up some rock into a shield like form, then he slammed the shield forwards into Lu Ten, knocking him off his feet.

 

Fleeing his soldiers abandoned Lu Ten.

 

 

 

 

 

~ Reviewers will receive one positive reputation point. [/align]

[Orza]

[align=center]

Leaves on the Vine

 

This book follows Lu Ten's life. The son of the great Iroh, during the invasion of the fire nation, it portraits Lu Ten as a vicious character who soon learns a true lesson in life.

 

Reviewers will receive one positive reputation point. However, please review once more is released.

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1]

[spoiler=Page 1]

Lu Ten gazed out at the stars of the harsh ebony night. Rubbing the surface of his foot against the solid decking… it punished his feet.

 

His clothes were that of royals, long crimson fire nation robes, a crisp collar with gold lining on the outside, of which matched his eyes, the robe was buttoned up tightly in a traditional Wushu style. Lu Ten was a proud fire nation warrior and next in line to the thrown after his father Iroh; “The great dragon of the west”.

 

Lu Ten grazed his hand along the banister of the balcony and slowly walked down a few short steps. His hands clasped together, firmly behind his back, he carried on walking until he reached a small pond, in the middle of which rested a Bonsai tree. Looking at his reflection in the water it was an elusive grey, alike Lu Ten’s heart.

 

“General Lu Ten, General Lu Ten!” Lu Ten pivoted his head toward the left, only to see a young soldier in red fire nation uniform sprinting towards him. “General Lu Ten, orders from General Wong.” Opening a fire nation scroll he read aloud “Dear General Lu Ten, a riot is forming down the east side of Ba Sing Sei, please report immediately, General Wong.”

 

“Very well” Lu Ten said, his eyes shut in lapse. “I will report as wished”

Lu Ten shortly arrived at the east. Men scattered all over with torches, pitchforks and anything of that matter.

 

“What do you want?” Lu Ten said over the voices of the crowd. “We want our crops and families back” a burly man at the front said, wearing an old straw hat and chewing on a piece of wheat. “Do you know how many lives you’ve ruined?” another said. “Silence!” Lu Ten commanded, you will go back to your homes and you will obey the fire nation’s every command.

 

“Not until our demands are met…” this time, the voice was calm as a large tenacious man stepped forward, with a strong fat build and a long grey beard, age was not on his side.

 

“And just who do you think you are?” “I am Bo Dang, and just who are you, invading our homes!?” “I am General Lu Ten, prince of the fire nation and next in heir to the thrown” Lu Ten replied.

 

“Please meet our orders Prince Lu Ten, or we will be forced to take matters into are own hands” “And just what can you do?” Lu Ten questioned. Bo Dang took a secure fighting stance, his legs spread apart with his knees bent. He held his right fist in and he spread his left hand’s palm. “So… you’re an earth bender… hardly surprising” Lu Ten declared.

 

Bo Dang shot his right fist forwards, twisting his arm as he did. A shot of earth pummelled out of the ground knocking Lu Ten off of his feet.

Lu Ten flipped himself up and swept his leg across his body, hurtling a

 

blitz of fire towards Bo Dang, this not being Bo Dang’s first time fighting a fire nation soldier simply fended it off by forcing up some rock into a shield like form, then he slammed the shield forwards into Lu Ten, knocking him off his feet.

 

Fleeing his soldiers abandoned Lu Ten.

 

 

 

 

 

~ Reviewers will receive one positive reputation point. [/align]

[michael91]

i like it i always wanted to know about lu ten and now i can please keep it up i would like to see more

[bury the year]

Kindly don't offer reps for reviews. It's not fair to others. :3

[Orza]

Thanks Michael. And sure thing Rinne, would points be acceptable?

 

EDIT: Care to give me some feedback Rinne? It would mean a lot coming from you.

[Kuri]

Its a bit short so yea not much to review you shouldn't do like page 1 or something....maybe just put "Titile" then "Chapter 1:" "Chapter Name"....and if that is what you consider that a chapter its pretty much only 3 paragraphs (in a book) or 2-4 pages (in a manga) if you are doing this anime wise then its pretty decent

[bury the year]

Thanks Michael. And sure thing Rinne' date=' would points be acceptable?

 

EDIT: Care to give me some feedback Rinne? It would mean a lot coming from you.

[/quote']

 

Nope. No form of compensation is allowed.

 

And I'll see. I'm rather busy at the moment.

[Kōsuke Ueki]

Since I'm a big Avatar fan, I have decided to make my second review this. It's in a spoiler, so you'll know the summary is below it. Enjoy!

 

[spoiler=]

Today is a very special day. Today is the day I see what is wrong with the Fan Fic I have entered and what is okay with it but can be better. Unlike Foe Fiction, though, I won't just focus on negative aspects, but positive aspects as well, along with Comedy through and through. As long as the story is both good and bad at the same time, I'll be coming for this and many others. And I don't have to set off my C-4 Bomb at the end. So let's begin the C-4 Bomb Scan.

 

Leaves on the Vine

 

Strange. Because the title says "Leaves From the Vine". I guess it's different storywise and titlewise(I know that isn't a real word. It makes the most sense out of me).

 

This book follows Lu Ten's life. The son of the great Iroh, during the invasion of the fire nation.

 

So, in retrospect, Lu Ten is the main protagonist? Let's hope the story is good.

 

It portraits Lu Ten as a vicious character who soon learns a true lesson in life.

 

So basically, he's suicidal, but soon understands that death will do nothing to help. Where have I heard this before? From the world around us!

 

Reviewers will receive one positive reputation point. However, please review once more is released.

 

I would have to go with Rinne on this one. It's true that a form of compensation isn't allowed, but I believe there is a purpose to it. To show that people get something in return when they do something good for them. So, basically, certain forms of compensation should be allowed, including the one that is being used.

 

Chapter 1

Page 1

 

Lu Ten gazed out at the stars of the harsh ebony night. Rubbing the surface of his foot against the solid decking…it punished his feet.

 

Okay, this is a good start to a life story. Describing the background, the character's reaction to it. I'm already liking the storyteller. If you keep this pace, I might give you a good summary at the end.

 

His clothes were that of royals, long crimson fire nation robes, a crisp collar with gold lining on the outside, of which matched his eyes, the robe was buttoned up tightly in a traditional Wushu style. Lu Ten was a proud fire nation warrior and next in line to the thrown after his father Iroh; “The great dragon of the west”.

 

This is getting better with each paragraph. Keep going. I like what's going on.

 

Lu Ten grazed his hand along the banister of the balcony and slowly walked down a few short steps. His hands clasped together, firmly behind his back, he carried on walking until he reached a small pond, in the middle of which rested a Bonsai tree. Looking at his reflection in the water it was an elusive gray, alike Lu Ten’s heart.

 

Hm. First you explained he was suicidal, and now you say he's has a blank mind. Nice transition, unless you weren't doing anything like that. You explain his feelings with ease. You are not bad of a writer.

 

“General Lu Ten, General Lu Ten!” Lu Ten pivoted his head toward the left, only to see a young soldier in red fire nation uniform sprinting towards him. “General Lu Ten, orders from General Wong.” Opening a fire nation scroll he read aloud “Dear General Lu Ten, a riot is forming down the east side of Ba Sing Sei, please report immediately, General Wong.”

 

Although you might not know exactly how to use letter format in your writing, I'll just ignore it, since it's covered up with such great vocabulary.

 

“Very well” Lu Ten said, his eyes shut in lapse. “I will report as wished”

Lu Ten shortly arrived at the east. Men scattered all over with torches, pitchforks and anything of that matter.

 

That was a bit below average writing, but I still like how this is going.

 

“What do you want?” Lu Ten said over the voices of the crowd. “We want our crops and families back” a burly man at the front said, wearing an old straw hat and chewing on a piece of wheat. “Do you know how many lives you’ve ruined?” another said. “Silence!” Lu Ten commanded, you will go back to your homes and you will obey the fire nation’s every command.

 

Now he sounds demanding. Who'd to think he had so many different things in his personality? I'm liking this a lot!

 

“Not until our demands are met…” this time, the voice was calm as a large tenacious man stepped forward, with a strong fat build and a long gray beard, age was not on his side.

 

Now we're introduced someone new. All of this in mere 7 paragraphs. That's a bit rushing, isn't it? It doesn't matter. The story's good so far.

 

“And just who do you think you are?” “I am Bo Dang, and just who are you, invading our homes!?” “I am General Lu Ten, prince of the fire nation and next in heir to the thrown” Lu Ten replied.

 

Well, that was a short conversation. Oh well. And this "Bo Dang" seems like a very interesting character. Let's continue.

 

“Please meet our orders Prince Lu Ten, or we will be forced to take matters into are own hands” “And just what can you do?” Lu Ten questioned. Bo Dang took a secure fighting stance, his legs spread apart with his knees bent. He held his right fist in and he spread his left hand’s palm. “So…you’re an earth bender…hardly surprising” Lu Ten declared.

 

Who'd to think? In only 3 paragraphs, this "Bo Dang" intervened a direct demand, mentioned his name, and was left to use self-defense along with realization of being an Earth Bender. Impressive.

 

Bo Dang shot his right fist forwards, twisting his arm as he did. A shot of earth pummeled out of the ground knocking Lu Ten off of his feet. Lu Ten flipped himself up and swept his leg across his body, hurtling a blitz of fire towards Bo Dang, this not being Bo Dang’s first time fighting a fire nation soldier simply fended it off by forcing up some rock into a shield like form, then he slammed the shield forwards into Lu Ten, knocking him off his feet.

 

3 sentences. 3 sentences, the last consisted of being a run-on sentence. Didn't expect that. NOT! Am I stupid? Forget it. Moving on!

 

Fleeing his soldiers abandoned Lu Ten.

 

I can actually tell what it means. But without the comma, it makes no sense. And I can't believe this is how the chapter ends. But I do understand why. In fear of this, well short, battle, the soldiers run away, making sure not to get involved. Not bad.

 

 

 

Through very little spelling and punctuation errors, this is a good way to start out the story. The first chapter is always the chapter that explains the background and random situations in said area so they can begin the next chapter, giving clues to the main plot that goes through the chapters as they advance further and further.

 

This is the best chapter I have ever reviewed. I never expected someone had this kinda of writing talent and made it into such a short chapter. You deserve an 8 out of 10 for your outstanding performance of good use of vocabulary and literary terms. Good work for a starting chapter.

[Orza]

Since I'm a big Avatar fan' date=' I have decided to make my second review this. It's in a spoiler, so you'll know the summary is below it. Enjoy!

 

[spoiler=']

Today is a very special day. Today is the day I see what is wrong with the Fan Fic I have entered and what is okay with it but can be better. Unlike Foe Fiction, though, I won't just focus on negative aspects, but positive aspects as well, along with Comedy through and through. As long as the story is both good and bad at the same time, I'll be coming for this and many others. And I don't have to set off my C-4 Bomb at the end. So let's begin the C-4 Bomb Scan.

 

Leaves on the Vine

 

Strange. Because the title says "Leaves From the Vine". I guess it's different storywise and titlewise(I know that isn't a real word. It makes the most sense out of me).

 

This book follows Lu Ten's life. The son of the great Iroh, during the invasion of the fire nation.

 

So, in retrospect, Lu Ten is the main protagonist? Let's hope the story is good.

 

It portraits Lu Ten as a vicious character who soon learns a true lesson in life.

 

So basically, he's suicidal, but soon understands that death will do nothing to help. Where have I heard this before? From the world around us!

 

Reviewers will receive one positive reputation point. However, please review once more is released.

 

I would have to go with Rinne on this one. It's true that a form of compensation isn't allowed, but I believe there is a purpose to it. To show that people get something in return when they do something good for them. So, basically, certain forms of compensation should be allowed, including the one that is being used.

 

Chapter 1

Page 1

 

Lu Ten gazed out at the stars of the harsh ebony night. Rubbing the surface of his foot against the solid decking…it punished his feet.

 

Okay, this is a good start to a life story. Describing the background, the character's reaction to it. I'm already liking the storyteller. If you keep this pace, I might give you a good summary at the end.

 

His clothes were that of royals, long crimson fire nation robes, a crisp collar with gold lining on the outside, of which matched his eyes, the robe was buttoned up tightly in a traditional Wushu style. Lu Ten was a proud fire nation warrior and next in line to the thrown after his father Iroh; “The great dragon of the west”.

 

This is getting better with each paragraph. Keep going. I like what's going on.

 

Lu Ten grazed his hand along the banister of the balcony and slowly walked down a few short steps. His hands clasped together, firmly behind his back, he carried on walking until he reached a small pond, in the middle of which rested a Bonsai tree. Looking at his reflection in the water it was an elusive gray, alike Lu Ten’s heart.

 

Hm. First you explained he was suicidal, and now you say he's has a blank mind. Nice transition, unless you weren't doing anything like that. You explain his feelings with ease. You are not bad of a writer.

 

“General Lu Ten, General Lu Ten!” Lu Ten pivoted his head toward the left, only to see a young soldier in red fire nation uniform sprinting towards him. “General Lu Ten, orders from General Wong.” Opening a fire nation scroll he read aloud “Dear General Lu Ten, a riot is forming down the east side of Ba Sing Sei, please report immediately, General Wong.”

 

Although you might not know exactly how to use letter format in your writing, I'll just ignore it, since it's covered up with such great vocabulary.

 

“Very well” Lu Ten said, his eyes shut in lapse. “I will report as wished”

Lu Ten shortly arrived at the east. Men scattered all over with torches, pitchforks and anything of that matter.

 

That was a bit below average writing, but I still like how this is going.

 

“What do you want?” Lu Ten said over the voices of the crowd. “We want our crops and families back” a burly man at the front said, wearing an old straw hat and chewing on a piece of wheat. “Do you know how many lives you’ve ruined?” another said. “Silence!” Lu Ten commanded, you will go back to your homes and you will obey the fire nation’s every command.

 

Now he sounds demanding. Who'd to think he had so many different things in his personality? I'm liking this a lot!

 

“Not until our demands are met…” this time, the voice was calm as a large tenacious man stepped forward, with a strong fat build and a long gray beard, age was not on his side.

 

Now we're introduced someone new. All of this in mere 7 paragraphs. That's a bit rushing, isn't it? It doesn't matter. The story's good so far.

 

“And just who do you think you are?” “I am Bo Dang, and just who are you, invading our homes!?” “I am General Lu Ten, prince of the fire nation and next in heir to the thrown” Lu Ten replied.

 

Well, that was a short conversation. Oh well. And this "Bo Dang" seems like a very interesting character. Let's continue.

 

“Please meet our orders Prince Lu Ten, or we will be forced to take matters into are own hands” “And just what can you do?” Lu Ten questioned. Bo Dang took a secure fighting stance, his legs spread apart with his knees bent. He held his right fist in and he spread his left hand’s palm. “So…you’re an earth bender…hardly surprising” Lu Ten declared.

 

Who'd to think? In only 3 paragraphs, this "Bo Dang" intervened a direct demand, mentioned his name, and was left to use self-defense along with realization of being an Earth Bender. Impressive.

 

Bo Dang shot his right fist forwards, twisting his arm as he did. A shot of earth pummeled out of the ground knocking Lu Ten off of his feet. Lu Ten flipped himself up and swept his leg across his body, hurtling a blitz of fire towards Bo Dang, this not being Bo Dang’s first time fighting a fire nation soldier simply fended it off by forcing up some rock into a shield like form, then he slammed the shield forwards into Lu Ten, knocking him off his feet.

 

3 sentences. 3 sentences, the last consisted of being a run-on sentence. Didn't expect that. NOT! Am I stupid? Forget it. Moving on!

 

Fleeing his soldiers abandoned Lu Ten.

 

I can actually tell what it means. But without the comma, it makes no sense. And I can't believe this is how the chapter ends. But I do understand why. In fear of this, well short, battle, the soldiers run away, making sure not to get involved. Not bad.

 

 

 

Through very little spelling and punctuation errors, this is a good way to start out the story. The first chapter is always the chapter that explains the background and random situations in said area so they can begin the next chapter, giving clues to the main plot that goes through the chapters as they advance further and further.

 

This is the best chapter I have ever reviewed. I never expected someone had this kinda of writing talent and made it into such a short chapter. You deserve an 8 out of 10 for your outstanding performance of good use of vocabulary and literary terms. Good work for a starting chapter.

Thank you for the review, I really appreciate how you saw how much work went into the general vocabulary. I plan to keep going with this book as well as working on another of my projects.